Post on 11-May-2015
presents:
Managing Difficult
Personalities
A Workshop for School Facility Managers’
Personnel Management AcademyDecember 2010
presenter:
Alan Krieger, Krieger Solutions, LLC
www.kriegersolutions.com
Workshop Goals
What makes people difficult /causes
conflict
Conflict prevention strategies
Refocus goals with difficult people
Use communication skills
Adapt their own communication
Understand how differences in style
impact motivation
What Makes a Person “Difficult”?
Disrupts the staff from doing their job
And thereby negatively impacts productivity
Makes the staff and/or customers uncomfortable
And puts the organization at risk
It is this negative impact of the behavior that is the problem.
The Goal in Dealing with DP
1. Reduce the negative impact, AND
2. Have the person be as satisfied as possible
The goal is NOT to change the DP’s personality or have them see the “truth”.
Three Keys to Dealing with DP
A. Understanding conflict
B. Communication skills
C. Problem solving strategies
Different Styles, Different Communication Focus
TASK ORIENTED
Tells T
Get things done
Wants: Results / Autonomy
Likes: Short, quick, direct conversations
Dislikes: Indecision, Work not getting done
Analyzes A
Get things right
Wants: Accuracy / Details
Likes: Answers; Time for questions/discussions
Dislikes: Poor quality / Rushed decisions
Engages E
Do it differently
Wants: Meaning / Creativity
Likes: Opportunity to talk; to
persuade; to change
Dislikes: Routine, rigidity,
Isolation
Mediates M
Do it together
Wants: Teamwork / Harmony
Likes: Being friendly, Taking
a personal interest in coworkers
Dislikes: Conflict / Rapid change
PEOPLE ORIENTED
S L
O
W
E
R
P
A
C
E
D
F
A
S
T
E
R
P
A
C
E
D
Difficult Styles
How the styles degrade
TASK ORIENTED
Analyzes A
Detail person
Slow to make decisions
Perfectionist
Tells T
Decisive
Director
Autocrat
Mediates M
Support/Relate
Buckle under
Passive
Engages E
Influencer
Entertainer
Distracter
PEOPLE ORIENTED
F
A
S
T
E
R
P
A
C
E
D
S
L
O
W
E
R
P
A
C
E
D
Difficult Styles
TASK ORIENTED
Perfectionist A
Get things right
Wants: Complete accuracy / Too much detail
Likes: Answers; Time for extensive discussions
Dislikes: Poor quality / Rushed decisions
Autocrat T
Get things done
Wants: Control / Results
Likes: Short, quick, direct conversations
Dislikes: Chaos, inaction
Passive person M
Do it together
Wants: Approval / Harmony
Likes: Being friendly, Treated very politely
Dislikes: Angering others / Any change
Distracter E
Do it differently
Wants: Attention / Creativity
Likes: Opportunity to talk; to persuade; to change
Dislikes: Rigidity, Being out of the spotlight
PEOPLE ORIENTED
F
A
S
T
E
R
P
A
C
E
D
S
L
O
W
E
R
P
A
C
E
D
CONFLICT DIAGRAM
SOURCE OF CONFLICT
Limited Resources Different Values
Time Someone’s individual Convictions
Money needs don’t get met: Priorities
Equipment accuracy Styles
action
collegiality
creativity
CONFLICT
One or both parties feel:- powerless
-disrespected
- not appreciated
- fearful -over stressed
- treated unfairly
CONFLICT
RESPONSES TO CONFLICT
Avoidance Aggression Communication
Withdrawal Threats Respect
Ignoring Anger Understanding
Denial Retaliation Resolution
POSITION: The desired solution someone
brings to the discussion.
INTEREST: The desired result the person is looking for.
COMMON GROUND:Points of view on which two people agree.
IMPORTANT CONCEPT:
People don’t change easily.
It’s hard to take away something that is part of them.
It’s hard to put in something that isn’t there.
Work with what you have and find the hidden assets.
Discussion questions:
1. Pat’s TEAM style?His Positions? Interests?His Assets? Weaknesses?
2. Ann’s TEAM style? Her Positions? Interests?Her Assets? Weaknesses?
3. Common ground?
4. Win-win solution that draws on common ground and assets?
What is Joe’s TEAM style?
What are the clues?
What does Joe do to get Pat to a
win-win situation?
Discussion questions:
What are possible strategies
for preventing conflict?
CONFLICT PREVENTION STRATEGIES
Listening
Trust
Feedback
Work with Strengths and Preferences
Positions vs. Interests
Keep communication open
Stay non-defensive
HOW DO YOU CHANGE OR MANAGE
A DIFFICULT PERSON’S BEHAVIOR?
LOOK FOR THE WIN-WIN: (C.U.P.)
PART I: Confrontation initiated by DP:
1. Show Concern/Respect
2. Next, seek to Understand
perceptions and expectations
3. Then move into Problem solving
CUP Step 1: Show Concern/Respect
Quiet listening:
Listen fully – limit your talking
Body Language
Defuse tension by listening
Build a connection
Stay calm and respectful
Don’t share your point of view yet
Listen with eyes and ears
CUP Step 2: Seek to Understand
Active Listening:
Sort facts and feelings
Don’t push - let them vent
Listen for positions and interests
Ask about strengths and preferences using clarifying questions
Paraphrase to clarify or confirm –listen fully
Don’t argue mentally
Don’t share your point of view yet
CUP Step 3: Problem Solve
Define conflict as mutual problem
Know what you want
Summarize other’s interests / perceptions
Share your interests, expectations and
perceptions
Focus on common interests/goals
Tentatively suggest a solution, and/or …
Brainstorm – collaborate with other in lead
Follow-up and revise as needed.
Give positive feedback!
Changing Behavior Part II: FLEA
1. Feedback – describe impact
2. Listen and recycle
3. Establish standards andproblem solve
4. Act and follow up
CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK GUIDELINES
Private setting; confidential
When you both have the time to talk
Be very specific; focus on behaviors
Focus on the behavior as the problem, not the person
Be constructive – focus on change, not blame; move quickly to problem solving
Plan ahead
FEEDBACK STRATEGY:
Situation / Behavior / Impact
1. Note the situation
2. State the problem behavior
3. Describe the impact
4. Pause to actively listen
Focus on reducing negative impact
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR F.L.E.A
1. Try to understand the other person’s
• Behavior / Impact /Motivation
2. Clarify standards (expectations) & Brainstorm possible strategies
3. Plan to act:
• What you’ll say
• How they might react / TEAM issues
• Role play / Choose time and place
ACTION PLAN
List three important things you learned.
Think of 1 or 2 difficult people. What are their TEAM styles?
Choose 1 or 2 strategies you can use to be more effective.
Practice this regularly!