REQUIRED EXPERIENCE FOR HEALTHY CAREERS

Confidence, Credibility, and Conflict

Confidence, Credibility, and Conflict

Rob BuccinoGuest Presenter, Metro Mentoring Program

NeoCortex Consulting Group

When do we need confidence and credibility?

In conflict

Our interests

Their interests

Conflicts are everywhereConflicts are everywhere• Getting heard• Getting respect• Asking for a raise• Selling• Dealing with your kids• Getting promoted• Delegating• Setting priorities• Making group choices

How do we usually feelwhen facing conflicts?How do we usually feelwhen facing conflicts?

Flee

Fight

We have choices in how wedeal with our fear

We have choices in how wedeal with our fear

Freeze

Compromise

Co-creation

Flee Freeze Fight Compromise Co-create

Less

Our choices influence our confidence and credibility Our choices influence our confidence and credibility

More

Why co-create?Why co-create?

• Reduces fear and increases optimism

• Addresses your interests AND theirs

• Can increase the overall ‘win’ (vs. compromise)

• Increases understanding and empathy

How to co-createHow to co-create

“Yes, but….” “Yes, and….”

Exercising co-creation: “A story that’s never been told”

Exercising co-creation: “A story that’s never been told”

• Group picks a topic• Two volunteers• Each person says one sentence• Next person says, “Yes, and…” before

continuing the story• Do NOT say, “Yes, but…” or just “Yes”• Continue until told to stop

• What obstacles block accepting another’s ideas?

• How does it feel to have your ideas consistently accepted and built on?

• In what ways could you use co-creation to build confidence and credibility in your work?

Learning through listening is

a keyto co-creation

• Probe their interests• Declare your own• Create options for

mutual gains

Confirm understanding with ‘you-messages’

• “Sounds like…”• “You’re feeling…”• “You’re thinking…”• “You’re concerned…”• “I see…”

The essentials: “You” and “I”The essentials: “You” and “I”

Declare your interests with ‘I-messages’

• “Hear me out…”• “I feel…”• “I’m thinking…”• “I’m concerned…”• “Do you see…”

Scenario:the performance review

Scenario:the performance review

• On a five-point scale, your boss gave you a “3” for “takes initiative”

• You want your level of initiative to be given greater recognition

Group exerciseGroup exercise

• Create a “you-message” that helps surface the boss’ interests

• Create an “I-message” that helps you declare your interests

How would you go aboutco-creating mutual gains?

DiscussionDiscussion

One other thing to think about…One other thing to think about…

Credibility thrives on accountabilityCredibility thrives on accountability

• Choose your commitments

• Timelines & specifications

• Not what you “can do,” but “will do”

In conclusion:from conflict can come creativity,

confidence, and credibility…

In conclusion:from conflict can come creativity,

confidence, and credibility…

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you must stop and look fear in the face." 

Eleanor Roosevelt

“Don't be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against, not with, the wind.”

Hamilton Mabie