Stressbusters
Dealing with Difficult People
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have
the power to revoke at any moment.
~ Marcus Aurelius
Dealing with Difficult People
Impact of difficult behavior Types of difficult behavior Getting results Keeping your balance
Impact on our Work
Miscommunication Focus on “winning” rather than the issue Rewarding bad behavior Time wasted by distractions Residual resentment colors future dealings
Impact on our Mood
Fight or flight Defensiveness Question judgment, capability Feel belittled, mistreated Ongoing resentment
Getting Results with Any Type
Remain calm Focus on problem solving Act with confidence Listen Collaborate Understand their motivation
Lessons Learned from Motherhood
Pick your battles Tantrums are no fun for anyone It’s the behavior that’s bad, not the person Always provide an escape hatch Don’t run with scissors
The Dictator
Intimidating, aggressive Demanding and critical Arbitrary Arrogant Values a high level of self-confidence and
assertiveness
Coping with a Dictator
Stand up to him without fighting State your opinion Remain calm and focused
The Complainer
Finds fault with everything Negative and nit-picking Accusatory Self-fulfilling cycle of passivity, blame, and
powerlessness Some of the complaints may be legitimate
Coping with a Complainer
Focus on problem solving Listen attentively Identify specifics Don’t simply dismiss Don’t accept blame or make excuses Ask for solutions
The Passive
Avoids conflict and risk Non-committal Unresponsive
Coping with a Passive
Ask open-ended questions Don’t rush to fill silences Remain friendly and approachable Offer observations
The Yes-Person
Sociable, outgoing Attentive Agreeable Quick to commit Rarely delivers
Coping with a Yes-Person
Make honesty non-threatening Leave wiggle-room Recap agreement Get it in writing
The Pessimist
Negative Lacking in trust Feels powerless Resistant to change Harmful to morale
Coping with a Pessimist
Be confident and optimistic Don’t argue Allow role of devil’s advocate Ask for specifics rather than
generalizations
The Know-it-all
Expert on everything Tone of absolute certainty Can be condescending and pompous Values facts and logic Seeks respect Frequently right
Coping with a Know-it-all
Consider alternatives Avoid direct challenges to expertise Present accurate and complete information Separate the issues Listen Question with confidence Don’t compete
Keeping your Balance
Humour Perspective Awareness Calm
Keeping your Balance
Humour Perspective
If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a
problem. Everything else is inconvenience.
~ Robert Fulghum
Perspective
What’s the big deal? Is the reaction proportional to the issue?
What’s the problem? Immediate issue Long-term issue
Who is this about? What’s my responsibility? What isn’t my responsibility?
Keeping your Balance
Humour Perspective Awareness
Know your triggers Recognize your defensive mechanisms Don’t personalize
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a
damn fool about it.
~ W. C. Fields
Keeping your Balance
Humour Perspective Self-Awareness Calm
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
~ Josh Billings
Getting through a Confrontation
If person is frustrated but not (yet) angry…Do:
Listen and paraphrase Acknowledge feelings Identify specific actions to reach solution
Don’t: Patronize Overwhelm Accept responsibility except where
appropriate
Getting through a Confrontation
If person is angry or hostile…
Do: Acknowledge feelings Keep the discussion on topic Stay focused on resolution
Don’t: Rise to the bait Make excuses or long explanations
Getting through a Confrontation
If the person is abusive and unreasonable…
Do: State the rules State the limits Be clear and concise Call for backup and/or remove yourself
Don’t: Run with scissors
Dealing with Difficult People
Any questions or comments?
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