SOCIAL
WELLBEINGThe Strong Staff Program
For Spiral Inc
Mitch Lawrie M.Ed, ASCH, CDAA
Wellbeing Educator & Consultant
www.YourStaffWellbeing.com.au
Mitch Lawrie M.Ed, ASCH, CDAA
Wellbeing Educator & Consultant
www.YourStaffWellbeing.com.au
Remember… Isolated
1. Remember a time you were isolated for a long time. How did you feel?
2. Pair up with someone next to you and share the experience (2 minutes each)
Remember… Connected
1. Remember a time you really connected with someone and it had a major impact on them or you
2. Share the experience with the person next to you (2 minutes each)
Why Today is Important
There are two types of people… and the difference get’s clearer with age!
Your choice!
Research with a Sample of 222
University Students
• The crucial factor shared by “the 10% of
students with the highest levels of happiness
and the fewest signs of depression were their
strong ties to friends and family and
commitment to spending time with them.”Source: Diener & Seligman 2002
People need People!
We are “social creatures”
Social relationships crucial to Wellbeing
including your physical & mental health
• Social much more important than financial to happiness
• Quality of your relationships = Quality of your life
Source: Diener 2005
How do we get good at relationships?
Simple… just:
• Win friends…Don’t criticise, condemn, or complain. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Influence people…Show respect for other’s opinions. When you are wrong, admit it quickly.
Published 1936
It’s NOT so easy!
We all over-estimate our social skills
TIP: Outer Wellbeing (social) is built on
your foundation of Inner Wellbeing
SPIRITUAL
EMOTIONAL
PHYSICAL
MENTAL
Inner Wellbeing Outer WellbeingCreative
Wellbeing
Workplace
Wellbeing
Financial
Wellbeing
Home
Wellbeing
Community
Wellbeing
• Find your bigger purpose
- align all with deep values
• Find your bigger purpose
- align all with deep valuesSPIRITUAL
• Be aware & choose your
focus wisely
• Be aware & choose your
focus wiselyMENTAL
• Accept all emotions,
foster positive ones
• Accept all emotions,
foster positive onesEMOTIONAL
• Listen to & care
for the body
• Listen to & care
for the bodyPHYSICAL
Key Principles
YourStaffWellbeing.com.au/welcome-Spiral
Suggested
“Ground Rules”
• Respect for everyone – a diversity of views is useful
• Confidentiality
• Mobile phones off
• Love questions… But there’ll be question times
• And remember... Time is precious. Keep it concise… and honour break times
• Silence signal
TIP: Stand Strong to feel Strong• Your body shapes your
feelings just as much as
your feelings influence
your body
• Use a confident body
posture to feel confident…
don’t wait until you feel it!
• “Power Poses!”
Questions??
TIP: Laugh
• One of the best things humans can do
together is laugh! Laugh at the world…
laugh at yourself
• “Life is deep:
shallow up.”
Make Me Laugh Activity!
• Person in the centre walks up to someone in the circle and says, “G day Wonderful”
• Other person says, “Honey I Love You, But You Just Can't Make Me Laugh” while keeping a straight face.
• If they do smile or laugh they become the person in the centre of the circle.
• If the person in the centre can’t get them to smile or laugh she or he goes on to another attempt with someone else in the circle.
Conflict is Human
• If you are human you will
misunderstand others and be
misunderstood(eg. “Transparency Illusion”)
• If you are human you are both
good and bad
• Good
• Strong
• Brave
• Kind
• Smart
• Selfless
• Bad
• Weak
• Scared
• Cruel
• Stupid
• Selfish
All of us
“And”
NOT
“Or”
Parts act like distinct sub-personalities
. . . basic states of mind are
clustered into specialized selves.
Each person has many such
interdependent and yet distinct
processes which exist over time
with a sense of continuity that
creates the experiences of mind. - Dan Siegel, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry
at the UCLA School of Medicine
Beneath the Surface of Conflict
Core (spirit) – complete openness
to receive & express love
Painful experiences – isolation,
disappointments, rejection, abuse
Resulting surface “masks”
– ways of coping with the world
Questions??
Interaction Styles Activity
1. Sub-personalities show up as dominant interaction styles
2. Helps relationships to understand yours
3. Choose animal you are most like
4. List why your animal is so good
5. One person report to whole group
Doing & Scoring the Inventory
3 5 2 (= 10)
1 6 3 (= 10)
0 5 5 (= 10)
4 16 10
Interaction Styles Activity
• All People Have A Characteristic Interaction Style
• Interaction Styles Indicate Values And Needs
• All Interaction Styles Have Strengths
• All Interaction Styles Have Weaknesses
• Weaknesses Are Strengths Used To Excess
• Under Stress, Styles May Change
RED HOT LION
(Assertive -Directing Style)Characteristics:
• Likes To Control And Get Things Done Through Others
• Likes To Compete And Win
• Dislikes Gullibility And Indecisiveness
• Views Self As Needing To Be More Considerate
Strengths Weaknesses
Ambitious <----------------------------------------------------------------> Ruthless
Competitive <-------------------------------------------------------------> Combative
Self-Confident <----------------------------------------------------------> Arrogant
Forceful <------------------------------------------------------------------> Dictatorial
COOL GREEN FOX
(Analytic- Autonomising Style)Characteristics:
• Likes To Be Independent And Self Sufficient
• Values Planning And An Orderly Approach
• Dislikes Emotionalism; Respects Logic, Facts And Wisdom
• Views Self As Needing To Be More Trusting And Considerate
Strengths Weaknesses
Analytic <-----------------------------------------------------------------> Nitpicking
Cautious <----------------------------------------------------------------> Suspicious
Methodical <-------------------------------------------------------------> Rigid
Fair <-----------------------------------------------------------------------> Unfeeling
WARM BLUE ST. BERNARD
(Altruistic- Nurturing Style)Characteristics:
• Likes Being Genuinely Helpful
• Cares About Other's Feelings And Well-Being
• Dislikes Selfishness And Anger
• Views Self As Needing To Be More Assertive
Strengths Weaknesses
Supportive <------------------------------------------------------------> Submissive
Trusting <----------------------------------------------------------------> Gullible
Adaptable <-------------------------------------------------------------> Spineless
Optimistic <-------------------------------------------------------------> Impractical
Interaction Styles Activity1. Now write your predictions at top – normal and
under stress
2. Column 1 = St Bernard 2 = Lion 3 = Fox
3. Share your result with person next to you
4. Now go the sign of the style you are normally
5. List and report advantages of this style
6. Move to the style you are under stress
7. List and report disadvantages under stress
Questions??
Conversations on Connection
1. Get in a group of 4 & discuss…
2. What is the most important thing you
have learnt from life about relationships?
TIP: Minimise negative interactions
• Impact of negative stronger than positive
• 5 to 1 ratio needed (at least 5 positive to one negative)
• Positive interactions include helping them with
tasks, interesting conversations, expressing affection, giving compliments and doing mutually enjoyable things together
• Keep it real – some negative needed but skillful and
appropriate is important
TIP: Active Constructive Responding
TIP: Remember You Are the Source
REACTIVE PROACTIVE
“I have to…” “I choose to…”
“She made me…” “I am giving her the power”
“I hate it when you…” “I am making you source of
my feelings”
TIP: Forgive
The
Forgiveness
Choice
IncidentPerception or Memory
Continued
SufferingWellbeing
Yes
“Not forgiving someone is
like drinking poison and
expecting the other
person to die.”
No
Basic Forgiveness Process
1. Ensure you are now safe
2. Seek compassion & wisdom from within and, if needed, from others to heal the wound
3. Expand Step 2 to release your feelings about the other
4. Re-focus your life on what is deeply important to you
TIP: When You Stuff Up- Reclaiming Your Integrity
“Rupture & Repair”
1. Own it (be sorry… repent)
2. Say it (say sorry… confess)
3. Repair it (make amends)
4. Get on with it (align with values)
TIP: Believe in Others
The Pygmalion
Effect
Questions??
Strengths Activity
How to Spot Strengths
When using the strength:
• a sense of authenticity ("this is the real me")
• a rapid learning curve
• a yearning to use it
• invigoration rather than exhaustion
Reflect on yourself and the above and write at
least 3 strengths you have on the back of the
page which says “Strengths Others See”.
Strengths Others See Activity
1. Write your name on the top of the Strengths Other See page
2. Place this facing up on your seat or floor
3. Look at where the people you know best are sitting
4. Go find their pages and write what strengths you see in them
Strengths Others See
• Return to your own paper
• Get in groups of about 6 people
• Review and take it in turns to read out what
was written… saying “My strengths include…”
• Others feel free to add strength comments
Key Moments Process
Mindfulness
• What is? What am I feeling? Don’t suppress.
• Notice & accept the situation AND your emotion/stress – it is!
Compassion
• Care for yourself – self soothing. Can I support myself?
• “It’s natural that you feel this way”“No one is on top all the time”
Purpose
• Get Perspective – don’t sweat the small stuff, refocus on your values. What will
matter in a year?
Attunement
• Tune into them. What are they feeling? If they are upset it may help to name it for them: “I can see you’re very angry right now.”
Action
• Take some positive action based on Mindfulness, Compassion Purpose, and Attunement. What is my best option?
Key Moments Process
Mindfulness• What am I feeling?
Compassion• Can I support myself?
Purpose• What will matter in a year?
Attunement• What are they feeling?
Action• What is my best option?
Final Tip
• Don’t wait until you feel like it.
• Will take forever… we tend to run on auto-
pilot
• Think about what is really important than
force yourself to do it! Get out of the comfort
zone before it steals your life!
Questions??
Individual Application
1. Consider who do you want to be… how do
you want to relate to others?
2. Write down 3 new things you will do
differently
3. Get in groups of about 6 people
4. Share with your group
Workplace Application
1. Choose a recorder
2. Our Relationship Ideals – How we strive to be with co-workers and service users
3. Record ideas and suggestions on paper
4. Give to Reece
Appreciation Activity
1. Look around at the people you know
and think of something about them
that you like or appreciate
2. Give them a flower and tell them
from the heart
3. If you receive a flower find someone
you can “pass it forward” to
Questions??
One Last Thing Please… Feedback Form
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