Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a method for conflict resolution and social change

International Fellowship of ReconciliationGerman branch

Project experience: Constructive Conflict managment in

Communes and Boroughs (CCC)2001 - 2005

C C C

Trainings CounsellingProject

implementation

supported by the Ministry of Integration and Family

Nonviolent Communiation

„What I want in life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart.

And on this ground acting for peace and social change“

Marshall Rosenberg

Words can be

walls – or windows

NVC is ...

a language of compassion a tool for social change and peace work a way to connect with oneself and others transforming conflicts acting out of authonomy and free will understanding on level of needs and

feelings

Wolf and Giraffe Words can be walls or windows

Communication Disconnecting Connecting

Evaluation, Interpretation

Devaluation

Position

Order

Conflict = Danger

War-tradition

Feeling=sign of failing

Win-loose – strategy

Judge, Guilt, blame

Analysis

World of boundries

Observation

Appreciation

Needs, Interestes

Request, Free will

Conflict = Chance

Tradition of comprehension

Feeling=signpost for understanding Win-Win – strategy, synergy

Mediation

Compassionate listening

World of rich variety

Diconnecting Communication

Impact on personal and interpersonal development

Regarding oneself (self worth) and otheres:

Punish, demand, compare, analyze, criticize, praise, blame, evaluate

Reactivity, Defensiveness, Dependence, Fixation on outcome

Connecting Communication

Impact on personal and interpersonal development

Regarding oneself (inherent self worth) and others:

Request, connect, understand, compassion, needs, feelings, protect, appreciate, listen

Concious responses, Autonomy, Focus on connection, Interdependence

The four components of NVC

1. Observation2. Feelings3. Needs4. Request

Distinguishing them from judegments, interpretations and demands

Fostering of understanding, connection and authonomy

1. Observation:Description of what is seen/heard.

2. Feelings:Our inner experience rather than reaction to what other people are doing.

3. Needs:The cause of our feelings. That what we need (universal).

4. Request:Doable, immediate and positive action.

Empathy:Listening to what is going on in me and the other person.

Feelings show weather needs

are met or not met

Feelings we have when needs are not met:

Afraid, concerned, nervous, over-

whelmed, shocked frustrated, irritated bored, depressed,

exhausted, hurt hopeless, sad, tired

Feelings we have when needs are met:

Amazed, alive, calm confident, encouraged,

glad, grateful hopeful, loving,

peaceful, relaxed touched, stimulated joyful, eager

Needs Subsistence

Food / Rest / Shelter / Clear Air and Water / Intimity

Freedom Autonomy / Choice / To speak one`s mind

Celebrating / mourningCreativity / learning / inspiration

SecurityOpenness / Order / Safety / Honesty / Trust

ParticipationBelonging / Community / Harmony / Recognition / Support / Respect / To enrich life / Learning

UnderstandingConsideration / Empathy / Peace of mind / Love / Peace / Beauty / Meaning

Four Steps (expression)

Observation

When I see/hear ... Feeling

I feel ... Need

Because I need ... Request

Would you be willing ...?

Four Steps (empathy)

Observation

When I you see/hear ... Feeling

Do you feel ...? Need

Because you need ... ? Request

Would you like ...?

„The class is out of control. The teaching seems to be a mass...“

Observation: When I see, how unhappy my daughter is, when she comes home and tells what has happened at school...

Feeling: I´m feeling alarmed and concerned...

Need: ...because I need clarity about what`s going on for my daughter. I need to know that she is safe and supported.

Request: Would you be willing to share with me what you see happening and the steps you`re taking to foster harmony among the children?

Fields of applicating NVC Intercultural

dialogue Administration NGO`s Local authority University Team, Networks

School, Kinder garden

Neighbourhood, Family

Company Government,

Politics

Preperation and planing

Teacher training

Project weekStart

End

Supervision and Ongoing practice

Evalu

atio

n

School conference

Parents training

Example:

SCHOOL PROJECT

Think of a non-NVC reaction/response you made: __________________________

Now transform into NVC:1. What was your observation?____2. How did you feel?_____________3. What did you need?___________4. What could be a request?______

Exercise

Optionen im Konflikt

Quelle: Schule für Mediation und Verständigung, Steyerberg

Gefühle bei unerfüllten Bedürfnissen angespannt, ängstlich, aggressiv,

aufgeregt, bedrückt, beschämt, besorgt, betroffen, deprimiert, einsam, elend,

entsetzt, erschöpft, erschrocken, frustriert, gehemmt, geladen,

gelangweilt, gleichgültig, hilflos, müde, nervös, sauer, skeptisch, traurig,

ungeduldig, unzufrieden, unter Druck, verspannt, verschlossen,wütend,

verzweifelt, zornig

Gefühle bei erfüllten Bedürfnissen angeregt, ausgeglichen, beflügelt, befreit,

begeistert, berührt, dankbar, energetisch, engagiert, entschlossen, entspannt,

erfüllt, ermutigt, frei, froh, geborgen, gelassen, heiter, interessiert, kraftvoll,

lebendig, liebevoll, offen, selbstsicher, still, unternehmungslustig, verliebt,

wachsam, zufrieden, zärtlich, zuversichtlich

Der Wolf

Meine Lieblingsbeschäftigung ist, mich ärgern

Wenn ich angegriffen werde, muß ich zurückbeißen

Ich mache oft Schuldzuweisungen Ich stelle Forderungen statt Bittend Ich denke „Mit Dir ist etwas nicht in

Ordnung“ Ich sehe besonders, was jemand nicht kann Man kann anderen nicht trauen

Die Giraffe

Ich habe das größte Herz aller Landtiere Ich stehe für Austausch und Klarheit Ich sage, was ich brauche Ich kann Gefühle und Bedürfnisse anderer

rausfinden Ich bin fähig, um Hilfe zu bitten Weil ich mich selbst wertschätze, kann ich

auch andere wertschätzen Mein Blick richtig sich auf Möglichkeiten,

statt auf Defizite

Giraffen-Detektiv werden

1. Was hat die Person gesagt oder getan?

2. Worauf hat die Person reagiert?3. Was hat die Person gedacht?4. Was hat die Person gefühlt?5. Was hat die Person gewollt oder

gebraucht?