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LANGUAGE PAPER 1 Name:
Overview
1
Language Paper 1: Explorations in Creative Reading
and Writing
Focus Marks Timings AO
Reading the extract 15 minutes
Question 1 List 4 things… 4 marks 5 minutes AO1
Question 2 How does the writer use
language… 8 marks 10 minutes AO2
Question 3 How has the writer
structured… 8 marks 10 minutes AO2
Question 4 To what extent do you
agree? 20 marks 20 minutes AO4
Question 5 Descriptive/narrative
writing 40 marks 45 minutes AO5/6
One question paper
One insert containing
one extract from a
work of literary fiction
Assessment objective – these refer to different skills which are assessed in different questions
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Identify and interpret explicit/implicit information and ideas. Select and synthesis evidence AO1
•Pick out and understand pieces of information from the texts.
•Be able to read between the lines to identify explicit and implicit information.
•Collect and put together information from different texts.
Explain, comment on and analyse how writers use language and structure to achieve effects and influence readers, using relevant subject terminology to support their views
AO2•Explain how the writers use language and structure to achieve their purpose and influence reader.
•Be able to comment on how it makes the reader feel and what it makes them think of (connotations)
•Use technical terms to support your analysis of language and structure.
Compare writers’ ideas and perspectives, as well as how these are conveyed, across two or more textsAO3
•Identify different writers' ideas and perspectives.
•Compare the methods used by different writers to convery their ideas.
•Identify similarities and differences betweeen two texts.
Evaluate texts critically and support this with appropriate textual referencesAO4
•Critically evaluate texts, giving a personal opinion about how successful the writing is.
•Be able to establish an opinion and support statements made.
•Provide detailed evidence from the text to support your answer.
•Remember to use quotation marks accurately.
Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences. Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts
AO5
•Write texts which are clear and imaginative.
•Be mindful of purpose and audience.
•Adapt tone, style and form depending on purpose and audience.
•Use paragraphs.
•Organise your work in a logical, cohesive manner.
Candidates must use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation.AO6
•Use a wide range of vocabulary and sentence starters.
•Attempt to use ambitious vocabulary, suitable for the task.
•Think about the effect of specific sentence strutures and use them with purpose.
•Write accurately, focusing on spelling, punctuation and grammar
Question 1
3
Question 1
This question will always ask you to list four things
from a specific part of the text.
Read again the…………………
List four things from this part of the text about……
[4 marks]
1. ___________________________________
___________________________________
2. ___________________________________
___________________________________
3. ___________________________________
___________________________________
4. ___________________________________
___________________________________
Write your answers here.
One thing/fact per number
The answers you give MUST come from
the part of the text mentioned here.
If you take information from a
different part, you will not get the
marks.
This will change depending on
the topic of the text.
Make sure your answers are
focused on this topic otherwise
you will not get the marks.
1 mark per
answer as
long as they
are from
the correct
section and
about the
specified
topic
You just
need to list
the facts.
You can use
quotations
or your own
words.
There is no
need to
explain your
answers.
Question 1
4
In this extract, Voldemort and his Death Eaters have joined together for the first
time since Voldemort’s return in a graveyard and Voldemort has challenged Harry
to a duel to the death.
A jet of green light issued from Voldemort’s wand just as a jet of red light
blasted from Harry’s – they met in mid-air – and suddenly, Harry’s wand was
vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it; his hand had
seized up around it; he couldn’t have released it if he’d wanted to – and a narrow
beam of light was now connecting the two wands, neither red nor green, but
bright, deep gold- and Harry, following the beam with his astonished gaze, saw
that Voldemort’s long white fingers, too, were gripping a wand that was shaking
and vibrating.
Read again lines 17-23
List four things from this part of the text about the wands
[4 marks]
1. Voldermort’s wand shot out a ‘jet of green light.’
2. ‘Harry’s wand was vibrating as though an electric charge
was surging through it.’
3. Harry couldn’t release his hand.
4. The wands were brown and made of wood.
Answers 1-2 are perfect! They
are from the correct part and
focus on the topic, the wands.
Answer 3 isn’t about the wands.
Answer 4 is about the
wands but it isn’t in this
section.
Question 1 – practice questions
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NOW HAVE A GO AT QUESTION 1 YOURSELF.
WRITE YOUR ANSWERS INTO YOUR BOOK.
Great Expectations
We went into the house by a side door - the great front entrance had two
chains across it outside - and the first thing I noticed was, that the passages
were all dark, and that she had left a candle burning there. She took it up, and
we went through more passages and up a staircase, and still it was all dark, and
only the candle lighted us.
This was very uncomfortable, and I was half afraid. However, the only thing to
be done being to knock at the door, I knocked, and a voice from within said to
enter. I entered and found myself in a pretty large room, well lighted with wax
candles. No glimpse of daylight was to be seen in it. It was a dressing-room, as I
gathered from the furniture, though much of it was old-fashioned. But
prominent in it was a draped table with a gilded looking-glass, and that I made
out at first sight to be a fine lady's dressing-table.
List four details we are given about the house
Dracula
I was afraid to raise my eyelids, but looked out and saw perfectly under the
lashes. The girl arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal, till I
could see in the moonlight the moisture shining on the scarlet lips and on the
red tongue as it lapped the white sharp teeth. Lower and lower went her head as
the lips went below the range of my mouth and chin and seemed about to fasten
on my throat. Then she paused, and I could hear the churning sound of her
tongue as it licked her teeth and lips, and could feel the hot breath on my neck.
Possible Answers:
‘Jet of green light issued from Voldermort’s wand.’
‘Jet of red light blasted from Harry’s’ wand.
‘Harry’s wand was vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it.’
‘A narrow beam of light’ connected the two wands.
The beam of light was ‘neither red nor green, but bright, deep gold.’
Voldermort’s wand was ‘shaking and vibrating.’
Question 1 – practice questions
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Then the skin of my throat began to tingle as one’s flesh does when the hand
that is to tickle it approaches nearer—nearer. I could feel the soft, shivering
touch of the lips on the super-sensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of
two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there. I closed my eyes in a
languorous ecstasy and waited—waited with beating heart.
List four actions of the young women.
To Kill a Mockingbird
I thought mad dogs foamed at the mouth, galloped, leaped and lunged at
throats, and I thought they did it in August. Had the dog behaved thus, I would
have been less frightened. Nothing is more deadly than a deserted, waiting
street. The trees were still, the mockingbirds were silent, the carpenters at
Miss Maudie's house had vanished.
List four things the narrator thought about the mad dogs.
Frankenstein
How can I describe my emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate the wretch
whom with such infinite pains and care I had endeavoured to form? His limbs were
in proportion, and I had selected his features as beautiful. Beautiful! Great God!
His yellow skin scarcely covered the work of muscles and arteries beneath; his
hair was of a lustrous black, and flowing; his teeth of a pearly whiteness; but
these luxuriances only formed a more horrid contrast with his watery eyes, that
seemed almost of the same colour as the dun-white sockets in which they were
set, his shrivelled complexion and straight black lips.
List four things about the creature’s appearance.
Regeneration
He had first trench watch. He gulped a mug of chlorine-tasting tea, and then
started walking along to the outermost position on their left. A smell of bacon
frying. In the third fire bay he found Sawdon and Towers crouched over a small
fire made out of shredded sandbags and candle ends, coaxing the flames. He
stopped to chat for a few minutes, and Towers, blinking under the green
mushroom helmet, looked up and offered him tea. A quiet day, he thought, walking
Question 1 – practice questions
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on. Not like the last few days, when the bombardment had gone on for seventy
hours, and they’d stood-to five times expecting a German counter-attack. Damage
from the bombardment was everywhere: crumbling parapets, flooded saps,
dugouts with gagged mouths.
List four things from this part of the text about what the man is doing.
Dracula
I was not alone. The room was the same; I could see along the floor, in the
brilliant moonlight, my own footsteps marked where I had disturbed the long
accumulation of dust. In the moonlight opposite me were three young women. I
thought at the time that I must be dreaming when I saw them, for, though the
moonlight was behind them, they threw no shadow on the floor. They came close
to me, and looked at me for some time, and then whispered together. Two were
dark, and had beak-like noses, like the Count, and great dark, piercing eyes that
seemed to be almost red when contrasted with the pale yellow moon. The other
was fair, as fair as can be, with great wavy masses of golden hair and eyes like
pale sapphires. All three had brilliant white teeth that shone like pearls against
their ruby lips.
List four things about the young women’s appearance.
Checklist
Are your answers:
From the text provided?
Focused on the topic given?
In your own words/using quotations?
o Quotation marks?
REMEMBER: 1 point = 1 mark
Question 2
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Question 2
This question will always focus on language.
You will need to think about how the
writer uses language to achieve effects
and influence the reader.
Look in detail at lines…………of the source.
How does the writer use language to……….
You could include the writer’s choice of:
Words and phrases
Language features and techniques
Sentence forms
[8 marks]
These bullet points are there to help focus your answer. You need to ensure
you use technical terms to describe the language
Make sure you only look at this section.
They will give you the extract on this
page so there is no need to go back to
the main extract.
The extract will be given to you here – use
it!
Use a highlighter to identify your
evidence.
Annotate it with some of your inferences.
The focus
changes
depending
on the
extract
This
question
asks you
‘how’ the
writer does
something
so you will
need to
think about
the
methods
they use
and the
effect they
have.
Part of the extract you need to focus on
Go to the
next page
to see how
your answer
will be
marked.
Question 2
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Level 4
7-8 marks
Perceptive,
detailed analysis
In depth and insightful analysis of language. Specific
and carefully chosen textual detail. Accurate use of
subject terminology and detailed analysis of the
effect of the language chosen.
Level 3
5-6 marks
Clear, relevant
explanation
A selection of relevant language is clearly explained.
Clear explanations of the writer’s choice and the
effect of the language. Clear and accurate use of
subject terminology.
Level 2
3-4 marks
Some
understanding and
comment
Some attempt to comment on the effect of the
language and identification of features. Some
appropriate textual references with mainly
appropriate subject terminology.
Level 1
1-2 marks
Simple, limited
comment
Selection of simple references with simple comment
on why the language is used. Limited understanding of
the text with occasional use of subject terminology.
How do you analyse language?
The question will you give you some bullet points which you could use
to guide your answer:
Words and phrases
Language features and techniques
Sentence forms
Question 2
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Words and phrases
Word type Definition
Noun Naming words that might refer to a person, place, thing or idea
Pronoun A word used to replace a noun e.g. She, he, it, them.
Concrete noun a noun that is a physical or material object e.g. dog, building, tree
Abstract noun a noun that is an idea, quality, or state rather than a concrete object, e.g. truth,
danger, happiness
Possessive
pronoun
A pronoun which shows ownership of something e.g. His, hers, my
Adjectives Describe a noun or pronoun
Verbs Action/doing words
Adverbs Words which give extra information or describe a verb
Imperative Commanding words/bossy words
Semantic field Words which are associated with a theme or topic
Connotations – the impression that a word gives or what you
associate with a certain word or phrase.
Island
d
Paradise
Adventure
Loneliness
Isolation
White
Innocence
Purity Heaven
Emptiness
New Cleanliness
Tropical
Even though you need to show an
understanding of subject terminology,
there is no point in just pointing out
and naming a word type.
You need to analyse the effect of the
word/phrase and think about why it
has been used and the impression it
creates.
Surrender Sterile/clinical Community
Question 2
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I chuckled when she fell over.
I sniggered when she fell over.
Perhaps it was the wild look in my eye as I circled the ring.
As a whole sentence, the underlined words give a sense of entrapment because of
their connotations. Each word has negative connotations attached that follow the
theme of this protagonist not being able or allowed to leave.
Both words mean laughed but ‘sniggered’ has nastier
connotations, like the writer is making fun of the girl.
Never-ending, an animal circling its prey,
making a mark, going round and round
because they don't know what else to do.
Untamed, animalistic, natural, out of
control, angry, wildlife, energetic.
Never-ending circle, trapped,
surrounded on each side,
wedding ring, boxing ring,
auction ring, shrill noise.
Question 2
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Language features and techniques
Feature Definition
Alliteration When 2 or more words, which are close together, start with the same
letter.
Colloquial language Informal language that sounds like ordinary speech. Commonly used in
conversation.
Emotive language Language that has an emotional effect on the reader and makes them
feel a certainty e.g sadness, anger.
Hyperbole The use of extreme exaggeration.
Irony Saying one thing but meaning the opposite, like sarcasm.
Juxtaposition Two ideas that contrast each other.
Metaphor Describing something by saying it is something else.
Onomatopoeia Sound word – imitates the sound it describes.
Oxymoron Contradictory terms together.
Personification Giving human characteristics to something that is non-human.
Repetition When a word, phrase or idea is deliberately repeated.
Rhetorical question A question which doesn't need an answer. Can pose more questions for
a reader.
Rule of three A number of connected items or words – commonly adjectives.
Simile Describing something ‘as’ or ‘like’ something else.
Symbolism An idea which is reflected by an object or character.
Pathetic fallacy a type of personification where emotions are given to a setting, an
object or the weather.
Foreshadowing be a warning, clue or indication of (a future event).
Sensory Imagery any description that involves one or more of the five senses -- touch,
sight, taste, smell and sound.
Pathetic fallacy 1. the attribution of human feelings and responses to inanimate things or
animals, especially in art and literature.
Protagonist the leading character or one of the major characters in a novel
Sibilance making or characterized by a hissing sound, ‘s’ and ‘sh’
Preposition 1. Shows where something is in place or time e.g. under, behind
Dialogue conversation between two or more people
Question 2
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Sentence forms
Sentence type Definition
Clause Part of a sentence that has a subject and verb.
Independent clause – makes sense on their own.
Dependant clause - does not make sense on its own and
relies on a connective and independent clause.
Simple sentence A sentence with one main clause – it makes sense on its own.
Compound
sentence
A sentence with multiple independent clauses, linked with a
connective.
Complex sentence A sentence with one independent clause and at least one
dependent clause linked by a subordinating connective.
Short sentence Quickens the pace of the text. Might imitate the
characters actions or feelings e.g scared
Long sentence Slows the pace of the text, especially when listing.
Imperative
sentence
Gives a command or makes a request.
Interrogative
sentence
Asks a question.
Question 2
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What do we learn about?
What is implied?
What is the writer trying to show us?
How does the evidence from the text show you
this?
How do the key words create this idea?
How do the writer’s methods create meaning?
Why might the reader react in a certain way?
Why is the writer showing us this now?
Why is this similar or different to other
moments?
[Author] presents the idea that…
[Technique] demonstrates…
[Author] uses a [technique] to…
The [word class] suggests…
The language pattern created shows…
It makes the reader question the motives of…
It enables the reader to relate to…
It illustrates the feelings of…
It evoked curiosity from the reader because…
It links to the earlier event in the text because…
Question 2
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In this extract, the narrator is part of a crowd surrounding the unknown
cylinders, which have just arrived on Earth.
A sudden chill came over me. There was a loud shriek from a woman behind. I
half turned, keeping my eyes fixed upon the cylinder still, from which other
tentacles were now projecting, and began pushing my way back from the edge of
the pit. I saw astonishment giving place to horror on the faces of the people
about me. I heard inarticulate exclamations on all sides. There was a general
movement backwards. I found myself alone, and saw the people on the other
side of the pit running off, Stent among them. I looked again at the cylinder,
and uncontrollable terror gripped me. I stood petrified and staring.
How does the writer use language to describe how the narrator feels?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
[8 marks]
Step by step guide: 1. Read the extract through.
2. Read the question and highlight the key words:
How does the writer use language to describe how the narrator feels?
3. Read back through the extract, highlighting words, phrases and features which link
to the question.
4. Choose 3 quotes which you can write a lot about – remember to write a lot about a
little.
Think about:
What is actually written
What it actually means
What can be implied
The connotations of the word/phrase
The effect of the word/phrase/technique
5. Remember to use What/How/Why to formulate your answer
Don’t just technique spot – you must explain the technique, why the writer chose to
use it and the effect it has on the audience.
If you aren’t sure of the correct terminology, use ‘the word’ or ‘the phrase.’
Let’s look at an example annotation of this extract.
Question 2
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A sudden chill came over me. There was a loud shriek
from a woman behind. I half turned, keeping my eyes
fixed upon the cylinder still, from which other
tentacles were now projecting, and began pushing my
way back from the edge of the pit. I saw astonishment
giving place to horror on the faces of the people about
me. I heard inarticulate exclamations on all sides.
There was a general movement backwards. I found
myself alone, and saw the people on the other side of
the pit running off, Stent among them. I looked again
at the cylinder, and uncontrollable terror gripped me.
I stood petrified and staring.
Short sentences –
mimics how quickly
the narrator is
breathing because
they are scared.
Emphasises the
lack of time they
have before
something bad is
going to happen.
Speeds up the
action – short,
sharp blasts which
focus on
movement.
Unable to move –
scared stiff.
Petrified – extremely
scared, nothing else
you can do.
Staring – out of
shock, confusion or
amazement?
Personification – terror is not a human so cannot grip.
Uncontrollable- involuntary, narrator doesn’t want this to
happen but has no choice.
Terror – violence, something terrible
Gripped – physical, hurting someone, trying to protect them?
Terror could be trying to protect the narrator from the
cylinder by ‘gripping’ him and making him stand still.
No-one left to
help him.
Leaves him
vulnerable and
open to attack.
He is the sole
target for the
cylinder.
Sudden – no prior warning, an immediate action
Chill – cold, scared, eerie, someone walking over your grave – death.
Only mentions the narrator – is he separated, the only one feeling it?
Pushing –
physical action,
trying to get
away from
something/some
one. He isn’t
comfortable
with the
situation so
pushing away
from it.
Edge of the pit –
sense of danger,
if he doesn’t
push back he
could fall in.
Won’t let the
cylinder leave
his sight – too
fascinated? Too
scared?
It is an
unpredictable
object.
Question 2
17
How does the writer use language to describe how the narrator
feels?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
Strong verbs which convey fear – ‘petrified and staring.’
‘Sudden chill.’
‘pushing my way back from the edge of the pit.’
‘I found myself alone.’
• language features and techniques
Personification – ‘uncontrollable terror gripped me.’
• sentence forms.
Short sentences – ‘ I stood petrified and staring.’
Throughout the extract, the isolation and terror of the protagonist
is demonstrated through the use of first person narration. The
narrator’s fear is culminated in the final, short sentence: ‘I stood
petrified and staring.’ This provides the reader with the idea that
he is scared because he is frozen to the spot, unable to move,
staring solely at the creature. The use of the
single pronoun ‘I’ implies that the narrator is
alone; there is no-one else around him to save
or help him. The effect of this is that
it gives the impression the narrator is
isolated from the rest of the group so
therefore vulnerable and open to
attack. His vulnerability is also
highlighted in the verb ‘stood’ because he is
unmoving and literally ‘scared stiff.’ The
connotations of the adjective ‘petrified’ are
that someone has seen or experienced something so horrific that
they are scared and unable to carry on. It gives the impression that
what this person has witnessed is unbelievably terrible. This idea is
confirmed with the use of the final verb, ‘staring.’ There are mixed
Question 2
18
connotations of the verb as it poses more questions for the reader;
is the narrator staring out of shock, confusion or amazement?
Question 2 – practice questions
19
Mr. Hyde appeared to hesitate, and then, as if upon some sudden reflection,
fronted about with an air of defiance; and the pair stared at each other pretty
fixedly for a few seconds. “Now I shall know you again,” said Mr. Utterson.” It
may be useful.”
“Yes,” returned Mr. Hyde, “it is as well we have, met; and a propos, you should
have my address.” And he gave a number of a street in Soho.
“Good God!” thought Mr. Utterson,” can he, too, have been thinking of the
will?” But he kept his feelings to himself and only grunted in acknowledgment of
the address.
“And now,” said the other, “how did you know me?”
“By description,” was the reply.
“Whose description?”
“We have common friends, said Mr. Utterson.
“Common friends?” echoed Mr. Hyde, a little hoarsely.” Who are they?”
“Jekyll, for instance,” said the lawyer.
“He never told you,” cried Mr. Hyde, with a flush of anger.” I did not think you
would have lied.”
“Come,” said Mr. Utterson, “that is not fitting language.”
The other snarled aloud into a savage laugh; and the next moment, with
extraordinary quickness, he had unlocked the door and disappeared into the
house.
How does the writer use language to describe Mr Hyde?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
NOW HAVE A GO AT QUESTION 2 YOURSELF.
WRITE YOUR ANSWERS INTO YOUR BOOK.
Question 2 – practice questions
20
There he lay, a vast red-golden dragon, fast asleep; thrumming came from his
jaws and nostrils, and wisps of smoke, but his fires were low in slumber. Beneath
him, under all his limbs and his huge coiled tail, and about him on all sides
stretching away across the unseen floors, lay countless piles of precious things,
gold wrought and unwrought, gems and jewels, and silver red-stained in the
ruddy light. Smaug lay, with wings folded like an immeasurable bat, turned partly
on one side, so that the hobbit could see his underparts and his long pale belly
crusted with gems and fragments of gold from his long lying on his costly bed.
Behind him where the walls were nearest could dimly be seen coats of mail,
helms and axes, swords and spears hanging; and there in rows stood great jars
and vessels filled with a wealth that could not be guessed. To say that Bilbo’s
breath was taken away is no description at all. There are no words left to
express his astonishment, since Men changed the language that they learned of
elves in the days when all the world was wonderful.
Bilbo had heard tell and sing of dragon hoards before, but the splendour, the
lust, the glory of such treasure had never yet come home to him. His heart was
filled and pierced with enchantment and with the desire of dwarves; and he
gazed motionless, almost forgetting the frightful guardian, at the gold beyond
price and count.
How does the writer use language to describe the dragon and the lair?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
It was on a dreary night of November that I beheld the accomplishment of my
toils. With an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, I collected the instruments
of life around me, that I might infuse a spark of being into the lifeless thing that
lay at my feet. It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally
against the panes, and my candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of
the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it
breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.
How does the writer use language to create a spooky atmosphere?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
Question 2 – practice questions
21
And then – nothing could have prepared Harry for this – he felt his feet
lift from the ground. He and Voldemort were both being raised into the air, their
wands still connected by that thread of shimmering golden light. They were gliding
away from the tombstone of Voldemort’s father, and then came to rest on a patch
of ground that was clear and free of graves… The Death Eaters were shouting,
they were asking Voldemort for instructions; they were closing in, re-forming the
circle around Harry and Voldemort, the snake slithering at their heels, some of
them drawing their wands –
The golden thread connecting Harry and Voldemort splintered: though the
wands remained connected, a thousand more offshoots arched high over Harry
and Voldemort, criss-crossing all around them, until they were enclosed in a
golden, dome-shaped web, a cage of light, beyond which the Death Eater’s circled
like Jackals, their cries strangely muffled now…
‘Do nothing!’ Voldemort shrieked to the Death Eaters, and Harry saw his
red eyes wide with astonishment at what was happening, saw him fighting to break
the thread of light still connecting his wand with Harry’s; Harry held onto his
wand more tightly, with both hands, and the golden thread remained unbroken.
‘Do nothing unless I command you!’ Voldemort shouted to the Death Eaters.
How does the writer use language to create a tense atmosphere?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
Question 2 – practice questions
22
She was dressed in rich materials - satins, and lace, and silks - all of white. Her
shoes were white. And she had a long white veil dependent from her hair, and
she had bridal flowers in her hair, but her hair was white. Some bright jewels
sparkled on her neck and on her hands, and some other jewels lay sparkling on
the table. Dresses, less splendid than the dress she wore, and half-packed
trunks, were scattered about. She had not quite finished dressing, for she had
but one shoe on - the other was on the table near her hand - her veil was but
half arranged, her watch and chain were not put on, and some lace for her
bosom lay with those trinkets, and with her handkerchief, and gloves, and some
flowers, and a prayer-book, all confusedly heaped about the dressing table
mirror.
I saw that everything within my view which ought to be white, had been white
long ago, and had lost its brightness, and was faded and yellow. I saw that the
bride within the bridal dress had withered like the dress she wore, and like the
flowers, and had no brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes. I
saw that the dress had been put upon the rounded figure of a young woman, and
that the figure upon which it now hung loose, had shrunk to skin and bone. Once,
I had been taken to one of our old marsh churches to see a skeleton in the
ashes of a rich dress, that had been dug out of a vault under the church
pavement. Now, that skeleton seemed to have dark eyes that moved and looked
at me. I should have cried out, if I could.
How does the writer use language to describe the woman?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
Question 2 – practice questions
23
The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats. At one end of it a
coloured poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall. It
depicted simply an enormous face, more than a metre wide: the face of a man
of about forty-five, with a heavy black moustache and ruggedly handsome
features. Winston made for the stairs. It was no use trying the lift. Even at
the best of times it was seldom working, and at present the electric current
was cut off during daylight hours. It was part of the economy drive in
preparation for Hate Week. The flat was seven flights up, and Winston, who
was thirty-nine and had a varicose ulcer above his right ankle, went slowly,
resting several times on the way. On each landing, opposite the lift-shaft, the
poster with the enormous face gazed from the wall. It was one of those
pictures which are so contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move.
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, the caption beneath it ran.
How does the writer use language to describe the communal hallway and
staircase?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
Checklist
Do your answers:
Focus on language?
Have detailed explanations and analysis?
Explain the effect of the language on the reader?
Use correct subject terminology?
Use quotations from the text with quotation marks?
Question 3
24
Question 3
This question will always focus on structure.
You will need to think about how the
writer uses structure to achieve effects
and influence the reader.
You need to think about the whole of the source.
This text is from the ending of the novel.
How has the writer structured the text to hold the
reader’s attention?
You could write about:
What the writer focuses your attention on at
the beginning
How and why the writer changes this focus as
the extract develops
Any other structural features that interest
you. [8 marks]
This is the first question that you have
to look at the whole source.
You will still need to break it down and
look at specific paragraphs and
sentences.
The focus
changes
depending
on the
extract
You need to
think about
the
structural
techniques
that these
writer has
used to
produce a
desired
effect.
Go to the
next page
to see how
your answer
will be
marked.
This is where people get a bit confused, as they do not have as
much experience of analysing structure.
Use the glossary on the next couple of pages to help you.
Remember to use technical terms.
Question 3
25
Level 4
7-8 marks
Perceptive,
detailed
analysis
Analyses the effects of a range of
structural features in detail with
sophisticated and accurate use of technical
terminology. Use of a perceptive range of
examples from across the source.
Level 3
5-6 marks
Clear,
relevant
explanation
Clear explanation of the effects of the
structural features with technical
terminology used throughout. Suitable
examples are used and explained.
Level 2
3-4 marks
Some
understanding
and comment
Some explanation of some structural
features – not necessarily from the whole of
the source. Some technical terminology used
but may not be accurate. Some examples
used to support points.
Level 1
1-2 marks
Simple,
limited
comment
Basic comments on a few features – no real
focus on whole of source. Simple or no
mention of subject terminology, which may
also be inaccurate. Few, irrelevant examples
are used.
What is structure?
How authors internally organise a text.
“As authors write a text to communicate an idea, they will use a
structure that goes along with the idea.”
Meyer 1985
When looking at structure, you need to think about how the text is
written and what it looks like rather than focusing on the language
that is used.
Question 3
26
How do you analyse structure?
The question will you give you some bullet points which you could use
to guide your answer:
what the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
how and why the writer changes this focus as the extract
develops
any other structural features that interest you.
Question 3
27
Structural features and techniques
Feature Definition
Atmosphere The mood or tone of the extract created deliberately by the writer.
Climax The most intense point in the extract.
Closing paragraph The final paragraph of the extract. Think about what the paragraph is about,
whether it links to any previous paragraphs and whether it had been
foreshadowed earlier in the extract.
Exposition The start where details are usually shared.
Flashback Past events are re-visited.
Foreshadowing A hint of what might happen in the future/events that are to come.
Motif A recurring idea in the extract – might be in the shape of a theme, object or
character.
Opening paragraph The start of the extract. Think about who is introduced, what we are told/not
told, the perspective and focus.
Paragraph One section of the extract, which can vary in length. You must start a new
paragraph for a new time, place, topic or person speaking. You might also want to
change a paragraph in order to:
Sustain: more of the same
Develop: add elaboration and variety to first idea.
Contrast: adopt a completely different perspective or position to move
the story forward.
Perspective Whose point of view is the extract from? What is there particular attitude
towards what is happening?
Setting Time and place where the events of the extract take place.
Shift A move or change in focus.
Tension A degree of emotional strain. Think about when the tension starts in the
extract and how it is developed.
Narrative styles
Linear Events are told in chronological order.
Non-linear Events do not occur in chronological order.
Dual Told from multiple perspective.
Cyclical Ends the same way that it begins – same perspective or idea.
Types of narrator
Omniscient narrator
(3rd person)
External narrator who has knowledge of the characters and their
feelings/emotions. Not named or present within the narrative.
1st person Told from a specific character’s perspective (I)
2nd person Directed to the reader (You)
Unreliable narrator The perspective that this narrator offers makes the reader question its
credibility and reasoning.
Question 3
28
AQA have provided the following jigsaw framework to help you think about the
structure of an extract – try to think about the 5 ws!
• The (narrative) perspective of the text (what?)
• The organisation and use of time (when?)
• The location and setting (where?)
• Characters and how they are introduced (who?)
• The different patterns within the text, and elements of syntax or
cohesion that help to create (reinforce) meaning (how?)
Because this question focuses on the whole of the extract, you will
need to talk about its overall structure rather than just focusing on
a specific part. Also, try to think about:
Paragraph level features – connections between them, length,
shifts in perspective and repetition.
Sentence level – you are not analysing the language of the
sentence but can comment on how varying the sentence lengths
add to the overall structure of the text.
Read the context box at the start of the extract as this might tell
you where the extract is positioned in the book – how does this
influence and effect the overall structure of it.
Question 3
29
Question 3: Structural Subject Terminology
Types of Narrator
Limited 3rd person External narrator with knowledge of one character’s feelings (he).
Omniscient 3rd person External narrator- knowledge of more than one character’s feelings (he).
1st person Told from a character’s perspective (I).
2nd person Directed to the reader (you).
Unreliable narrator When the perspective offered makes us question the narrator’s credibility.
Narrative Styles
Linear Events are told chronologically.
Non-Linear Events are not told chronologically.
Dual Told from multiple perspectives.
Cyclical Ends the same way it begins.
Explaining the Extract
Introducing An idea or character is first shown.
Focusing Our attention is aimed somewhere.
Building When an idea/tension is increased.
Developing An earlier point is extended.
Changing A shift is created for an event/idea.
Concluding Ideas/ events are drawn to a close.
Structural Techniques
Climax The most intense or decisive point.
Dialogue The lines spoken by characters.
Exposition The start where ideas are initiated.
Flashback (Analepsis) Presents past events.
Flash-forward (Prolepsis) Presents future events.
Foreshadowing Hints what is to come(can mislead).
Motif A recurring symbol in a story.
Resolution The answer or solution to conflict.
Setting A geographical/historical moment.
Spotlight Emphasis is placed on something.
Shift A switch or change of focus.
Tension The feeling of emotional strain.
Inciting incident When something happens to begin the conflict or action.
Rising action A series of events that build toward the point of greatest interest (climax).
Falling action The parts of a story after the climax and before the very end.
Antagonist Typically, the villain whose function is to create conflict for the protagonist.
Protagonist Main character in a narrative.
Perepeteia The ‘turning point’: often, a sudden reversal of fortune or a change in circumstances.
Anagnorisis Like an epiphanic moment, anagnorisis is the moment in a play when a character makes a sudden, critical realisation of his or her own situation.
Epiphany A sudden realisation; a new-found awareness of a situation.
Denouement Where any remaining secrets, questions or mysteries which remain after the resolution are solved by the characters or explained by the author.
Internal monologue/Soliloquy Where the narrative perspective shifts to become the inner thoughts of a character in fiction.
Simultaneity of experience Where two events are happening at the same time in a narrative.
Cliffhanger A dramatic ending to a story leaving the audience in suspense because questions haven’t been answered.
Question 3
30
You need to think about the whole of the source.
This text is from the start of the novel.
How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s
attention?
You could write about:
What the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract
develops
Any other structural features that interest you.
Step by step guide:
1. Read the question and highlight the key words: How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s attention?
2. Read back through the extract, annotating the structural features. Focus
initially on:
Opening paragraph focus
Closing paragraph focus
Similarities between the opening and closing
Paragraph length – do any stand out because they are unusually
short/long?
Narrative perspective – is it the same/does it change?
Repetition of theme/objects/ideas/motif
Position of the extract in relation to the whole novel
3. Remember to What, How, Why to formulate your response.
Let’s look at an example annotation of this extract.
Question 3
31
She backed up a few steps, then ran at the water. At
first her strides were long and graceful, but then a
small wave crashed into her knees. She faltered,
regained her footing, and flung herself over the next
waist-high wave. The water was only up to her hips, so
she stood, pushed the hair out of her eyes, and
continued walking until the water covered her shoulders.
There she began to swim - with the jerky, head-above-water stroke of the
untutored.
A hundred yards offshore, the fish sensed a
change in the sea's rhythm. It did not see the
woman, nor yet did it smell her. Running within the
length of its body were a series of thin canals,
filled with mucus and dotted with nerve endings,
and these nerves detected vibrations and signalled
the brain. The fish turned toward shore.
The woman continued to swim away from the beach,
stopping now and then to check her position by the
lights shining from the house. The tide was slack,
so she had not moved up or down the beach. But she was tiring, so she rested
for a moment, treading water, and then started for shore.
The vibrations were stronger now, and the fish recognized prey. The sweeps of
its tail quickened, thrusting the giant body forward with a speed that agitated
the tiny phosphorescent animals in the water and caused them to glow, casting a
mantle of sparks over the fish.
The fish closed on the woman and hurtled past,
a dozen feet to the side and six feet below the
surface. The woman felt only a wave of
pressure that seemed to lift her up in the water and ease her down again. She
stopped swimming and held her breath.
Feeling nothing further, she resumed her lurching stroke.
The fish smelled her now, and the vibrations - erratic and sharp - signalled
distress. The fish began to circle close to the surface. Its dorsal fin broke
water, and its tail, thrashing back and forth, cut the glassy surface with a hiss.
A series of tremors shook its body.
This paragraph instantly introduces us
to a character and what they are doing.
Some questions are left unanswered –
why did she back up initially? Why is
she in the water? What water is she in?
We also question why she is swimming if
she is ‘untutored’ – this might
foreshadow a future swimming accident.
The focus of the paragraph changes –
we now have the shark’s perspective.
The final sentence in the paragraph is
quite ominous, as we know the woman is
near the shore.
The tone of the extract has instantly
changed – in the first paragraph it was
just a woman swimming but now we see a
potential threat.
Start to see a theme of her position in
relation to the shore/house.
Mix of both woman and shark –
heightened tension as the shark is now
so close to the woman.
Woman Shark
Very short paragraph – slight decrease in tension as the woman resumes swimming.
Question 3
32
For the first time, the woman felt fear, though she did not know why.
Adrenaline shot through her trunk and her limbs, generating a tingling heat and
urging her to swim faster. She guessed that she was fifty yards from shore.
She could see the line of white foam where the
waves broke on the beach. She saw the lights in
the house, and for a comforting moment she
thought she saw someone pass by one of the windows.
The fish was about forty feet from the woman,
off to the side, when it turned suddenly to the
left, dropped entirely below the surface, and,
with two quick thrusts of its tail, was upon her.
At first, the woman thought she had snagged her leg on a rock or a piece of
floating wood. There was no initial pain, only one violent tug on her right leg. She
reached down to touch her foot, treading water with her left leg to keep her
head up, feeling in the blackness with her left hand. She could not find her foot.
She reached higher on her leg, and then she was overcome by a rush of nausea
and dizziness. Her groping fingers had found a hub of bone and tattered flesh.
She knew that the warm, pulsing flow over her fingers in the chill water was her
own blood.
Pain and panic struck together. The woman threw her head back and screamed a
guttural cry of terror.
The fish had moved away. It swallowed the woman's limb without chewing.
Bones and meat passed down the massive gullet in a
single spasm. Now the fish turned again, homing on
the stream of blood flushing from the woman's
femoral artery, a beacon as clear and true as a
lighthouse on a cloudless night. This time the fish attacked from below. It
hurtled up under the woman, jaws agape. The great conical head struck her like
a locomotive, knocking her up out of the water. The jaws snapped shut around
her torso, crushing bones and flesh and organs into a jelly. The fish, with the
woman's body in its mouth, smashed down on the water with a thunderous
splash, spewing foam and blood and phosphorescence in a gaudy shower.
Below the surface, the fish shook its head from side to side, its serrated
triangular teeth sawing through what little sinew still resisted. The corpse fell
apart. The fish swallowed, then turned to continue feeding. Its brain still
registered the signals of nearby prey. The water was laced with blood and
Recurring theme of the shore/home –
home is a place of safety whereas the
water is a place of danger.
Very short paragraphs with very different focus. Woman in pain and full of terror.
Shark is calm and going through the motions of eating.
Focus for the final paragraphs is almost
solely on the shark and its brutal attack
on the woman.
Long sentence – usually slows down the
pace but here is mimics the sharks
unstoppable and consistent movement.
Question 3
33
shreds of flesh, and the fish could not sort signal from substance. It cut back
and forth through the dissipating cloud of blood, opening and closing its mouth,
seining for a random morsel. But by now, most of the pieces of the corpse had
dispersed. A few sank slowly, coming to rest on the sandy bottom, where they
moved lazily in the current. A few drifted away just below the surface, floating
in the surge that ended in the surf. The man awoke, shivering in the early
morning cold. His mouth was sticky and dry, and his wakening belch tasted of
Bourbon and corn. The sun had not yet risen, but a line of pink on the eastern
horizon told him that daybreak was near. The stars still hung faintly in the
lightening sky. The man stood and began to dress. He was annoyed that the
woman had not woken him when she went back to the house, and he found it
curious that she had left her clothes on the beach. He picked them up and
walked to the house.
How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s
attention?
You could write about:
What the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
o Focus on the woman entering the water. Questions are raised about
why she steps back, why she is in the water and what the water is.
How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract
develops o Focus shifts in each paragraph – woman .v. shark o End of the extract focuses on another man walking back to the
house.
Why o Chronological o Recurring theme of home – the idea of safety. o Short paragraphs .v. long paragraphs to describe the attack. o Long sentences which show the relentless nature of the attack.
Longer paragraphs highlight the brutality of the attack and the relentless nature of what the shark
is doing.
The final part of the extract introduces us to another new character – a man on the beach
presumably looking for the woman attacked by the shark.
The theme of home is evident in the final sentence, which can be linked back to the start of the
extract where the woman uses it as a way of checking her distance and as an image of safety.
Question 3
34
The passage has a chronological structure which follows the shark’s
attack on the woman. This increases the tension in the extract as
you see the attack from both perspectives.
The starting paragraph focuses on the woman and her entrance into
the water. The writer immediately poses a number of questions to
the reader; why is the woman backing up, why is she entering the
water and what water is she entering? This holds the reader’s
interest as they then want to find out the answers to the questions,
which are not answered. The final focus of the opening paragraph is
of the woman swimming in an ‘untutored’ way. This foreshadows a
later accident because it implies she is not a confident swimmer so it
therefore more vulnerable.
Question 4 – Practice questions
35
In thirty-five feet of water, the great fish swam slowly, its tail waving just
enough to maintain motion. It saw nothing, for the water was murky with motes
of vegetation. The fish had been moving parallel to the shoreline. Now it turned,
banking slightly, and followed the bottom gradually upward. The fish perceived
more light in the water, but still it saw nothing.
The boy was resting, his arms dangling down, his feet and ankles dipping in and
out of the water with each small swell. His head was turned towards shore, and
he noticed that he had been carried out beyond what his mother would consider
safe. He could see her lying on her towel, and the man and child playing in the
wave wash. He was not afraid, for the water was calm and he wasn’t really very
far from shore – only forty yards or so. But he wanted to get closer; otherwise
his mother might sit up, spy him, and order him out of the water. He eased
himself back a little bit so he could use his feet to help propel himself. He
began to kick and paddle towards shore. His arms displaced water almost
silently, but his kicking feet made erratic splashes and left swirls of bubbles in
his wake.
The fish did not hear the sound, but rather registered the sharp and jerky
impulses emitted by the kicks. They were signals, faint but true, and the fish
locked on them, homing. It rose, slowly at first, then gaining speed as the
signals grew stronger.
The boy stopped for a moment to rest. The signals ceased. The fish slowed,
turning its head from side to side, trying to recover them. The boy lay perfectly
still, and the fish passed beneath him, skimming the sandy bottom. Again it
turned.
The boy resumed paddling. He kicked only every third or fourth stroke; kicking
was more exertion than steady paddling. But the occasional kicks sent new
signals to the fish. This time it needed to lock onto them only an instant, for it
was almost directly below the boy. The fish rose. Nearly vertical, it now saw the
NOW HAVE A GO AT QUESTION 3 YOURSELF.
WRITE YOUR ANSWERS INTO YOUR BOOK.
Question 4 – Practice questions
36
commotion on the surface. There was no conviction that what thrashed above
was food, but food was not a concept of significance. The fish was impelled to
attack: if what it swallowed was digestible, that was food; if not, it would be
later regurgitated. The mouth opened, and with a final sweep of the sickle tail,
the fish struck.
The boy’s last – only – thought was that he had been punched in the stomach.
The breath was driven from him in a sudden rush. He had no time to cry out,
nor, had he had the time, would he have known what to cry, for he could not see
the fish. The fish’s head drove the raft out of the water. The jaws smashed
together, engulfing head, arms, shoulders, trunk, pelvis and most of the raft.
Nearly half the fish had come clear of the water, and it slid forward and down
in a belly flopping motion, grinding the mass of flesh and bone and rubber. The
boy’s legs were severed at the hip, and they sank, spinning slowly to the bottom.
3. You need to think about the whole of the source.
This text is from the start of the novel.
How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s attention?
You could write about:
What the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract develops
Any other structural features that interest you.
Question 4 – Practice questions
37
Something had happened to the night. The star-strewn indigo sky was suddenly
pitch-black and lightless — the stars, the moon, the misty streetlamps at either
end of the alley had vanished. The distant grumble of cars and the whisper of
trees had gone. The balmy evening was suddenly piercingly, bitingly cold. They
were surrounded by total, impenetrable, silent darkness, as though some giant
hand had dropped a thick, icy mantle over the entire alleyway, blinding them.
For a split second Harry thought he had done magic without meaning to, despite
the fact that he’d been resisting as hard as he could — then his reason caught
up with his senses — he didn’t have the power to turn off the stars. He turned
his head this way and that, trying to see something, but the darkness pressed
on his eyes like a weightless veil.
Dudley’s terrified voice broke in Harry’s ear.
“W-what are you d-doing? St-stop it!”
“I’m not doing anything! Shut up and don’t move!”
“I c-can’t see! I’ve g-gone blind! I —”
“I said shut up!”
Harry stood stock-still, turning his sightless eyes left and right. The cold was so
intense that he was shivering all over; goose bumps had erupted up his arms, and
the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up — he opened his eyes to
their fullest extent, staring blankly around, unseeing . . .
It was impossible. . . . They couldn’t be here. . . . Not in Little Whinging . . . He
strained his ears. . . . He would hear them before he saw them. . . .
“I’ll t-tell Dad!” Dudley whimpered. “W-where are you? What are you d-do — ?”
“Will you shut up?” Harry hissed, “I’m trying to lis —”
But he fell silent. He had heard just the thing he had been dreading.
There was something in the alleyway apart from themselves, some-thing that
was drawing long, hoarse, rattling breaths. Harry felt a horrible jolt of dread as
he stood trembling in the freezing air.
“C-cut it out! Stop doing it! I’ll h-hit you, I swear I will!”
Question 4 – Practice questions
38
“Dudley, shut —”
WHAM!
A fist made contact with the side of Harry’s head, lifting Harry off his feet.
Small white lights popped in front of Harry’s eyes; for the second time in an
hour he felt as though his head had been cleaved in two; next moment he had
landed hard on the ground, and his wand had flown out of his hand.
“You moron, Dudley!” Harry yelled, his eyes watering with pain, as he scrambled
to his hands and knees, now feeling around frantically in the blackness. He heard
Dudley blundering away, hitting the alley fence, stumbling.
“DUDLEY, COME BACK! YOU’RE RUNNING RIGHT AT IT!”
There was a horrible squealing yell, and Dudley’s footsteps stopped. At the same
moment, Harry felt a creeping chill behind him that could mean only one thing.
There was more than one.
3. You need to think about the whole of the source.
This text is from the start of the novel.
How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s attention?
You could write about:
What the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract develops
Any other structural features that interest you.
Question 4 – Practice questions
39
She asked, “What makes you so nuts about rabbits?”
Lennie had to think carefully before he could come to a conclusion. He
moved cautiously close to her, until he was right against her. “I like to pet nice
things. Once at a fair I seen some of them long-hair rabbits. An’ they was nice,
you bet. Sometimes I’ve even pet mice, but not when I couldn’t get nothing
better.”
Curley’s wife moved away from him a little. “I think you’re nuts,” she said.
“No I ain’t,” Lennie explained earnestly. “George says I ain’t. I like to pet
nice things with my fingers, sof’ things.”
She was a little bit reassured. “Well, who don’t?” she said. “Ever’body likes
that. I like to feel silk an’ velvet. Do you like to feel velvet?”
Lennie chuckled with pleasure. “You bet, by God,” he cried happily. “An’ I
had some, too. A lady give me some, an’ that lady was—my own Aunt Clara.
She give it right to me—‘bout this big a piece. I wisht I had that velvet right
now.” A frown came over his face. “I lost it,” he said. “I ain’t seen it for a long
time.”
Curley’s wife laughed at him. “You’re nuts,” she said. “But you’re a kinda
nice fella. Jus’ like a big baby. But a person can see kinda what you mean.
When I’m doin’ my hair sometimes I jus’ set an’ stroke it ‘cause it’s so soft.”
To show how she did it, she ran her fingers over the top of her head. “Some
people got kinda coarse hair,” she said complacently. “Take Curley. His hair is
jus’ like wire. But mine is soft and fine. ‘Course I brush it a lot. That makes it
fine. Here—feel right here.” She took Lennie’s hand and put it on her head.
“Feel right aroun’ there an’ see how soft it is.”
Lennie’s big fingers fell to stroking her hair.
“Don’t you muss it up,” she said.
Lennie said, “Oh! That’s nice,” and he stroked harder. “Oh, that’s nice.”
“Look out, now, you’ll muss it.” And then she cried angrily, “You stop it
now, you’ll mess it all up.” She jerked her head sideways, and Lennie’s fingers
closed on her hair and hung on. “Let go,” she cried. “You let go!”
Lennie was in a panic. His face was contorted. She screamed then, and
Lennie’s other hand closed over her mouth and nose. “Please don’t,” he begged.
“Oh! Please don’t do that. George’ll be mad.”
She struggled violently under his hands. Her feet battered on the hay and she
writhed to be free; and from under Lennie’s hand came a muffled screaming.
Lennie began to cry with fright. “Oh! Please don’t do none of that,” he begged.
Question 4 – Practice questions
40
“George gonna say I done a bad thing. He ain’t gonna let me tend no rabbits.”
He moved his hand a little and her hoarse cry came out. Then Lennie grew
angry. “Now don’t,” he said. “I don’t want you to yell. You gonna get me in
trouble jus’ like George says you will. Now don’t you do that.” And she
continued to struggle, and her eyes were wild with terror. He shook her then,
and he was angry with her. “Don’t you go yellin’,” he said, and he shook her;
and her body flopped like a fish. And then she was still, for Lennie had broken
her neck.
He looked down at her, and carefully he removed his hand from over her
mouth, and she lay still. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, “but George’ll be
mad if you yell.” When she didn’t answer nor move he bent closely over her. He
lifted her arm and let it drop. For a moment he seemed bewildered. And then he
whispered in fright, “I done a bad thing. I done another bad thing.”
He pawed up the hay until it partly covered her.
From outside the barn came a cry of men and the double clang of shoes on
metal. For the first time Lennie became conscious of the outside.
3. You need to think about the whole of the source.
This text near the end of the novel..
How has the writer structured the text to interest the reader?
You could write about:
What the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract develops
Any other structural features that interest you.
Question 4 – Practice questions
41
Checklist
Do your answers:
Focus on structure?
Have detailed explanations and analysis?
Explain the effect of the structure?
Use correct subject terminology?
Reference the text?
Question 4 – Practice questions
42
Question 4
This question will always focus on evaluation and personal response. You will need to think
about how the writer uses language techniques and structural methods to achieve effects
and influence the reader in line with the statement given.
Focus this part of your answer on the second part of the source,
from line 34 to the end.
A student, having read this section of the text said: “the writer
creates a mix of feelings in this extract: there is a clear sense of
frustration and confusion”.
To what extent do you agree?
In your response, you could:
• Write about your own impressions of the character
• Evaluate how the writer has created these impressions
• Support your opinions with quotations from the text.
You will be
given a
statement
relating to
the
extract.
You are
being asked
to evaluate
your
opinion.
These bullet points are there to help focus your answer. You need to ensure you use
technical terms to describe the language and structure
Make sure you only look at the section suggested. You will not be awarded marks for content
from anywhere else in the text.
The focus
changes
depending
on the
extract
Go to the
next page
to see how
your answer
will be
marked.
Question 4 – Practice questions
43
Level 4
16-20
marks
Perceptive,
detailed
evaluation
Shows perceptive and detailed evaluation, outlines critically and in detail the effect(s) on the reader and understanding of writer’s methods. A range of evidence is selected carefully and thoughtfully. A convincing and critical response is created in line the focus of the statement.
Level 3
11-15
marks
Clear,
relevant
evaluation
Shows clear and relevant evaluation, focusing on the effect(s) created by the writer through the chosen methods, on the reader. Shows clear understanding of writer’s methods and selects a range of relevant evidence to support
Level 2
6-10
marks
Some
evaluation
Makes some evaluative comment(s) on effect(s) on the reader, showing some understanding of writer’s methods and using some appropriate textual reference(s). Makes some response to the focus of the statement
Level 1
1 – 5
marks
Simple
evaluation
Makes simple, limited evaluative comment(s) on effect(s) on reader, showing limited understanding of writer’s methods. Selects simple, limited textual reference(s)
What is evaluation?
When evaluating a text, you are being asked to make a judgement or
inference(s) based on textual evidence (quotations). To further develop your
argument, you must critically analyse your evidence to explore how and why you
think the writer has used particular language, techniques or structures to
create meaning. Use your notes from question 2 and 3 to help you.
You need to think about the whole of the source.
A student, having read this section of the text said: “the writer creates a mix
of feelings in this extract: there is a clear sense of frustration and confusion”.
To what extent do you agree?
In your response, you could:
• Write about your own impressions of the character
• Evaluate how the writer has created these impressions
• Support your opinions with quotations from the text.
Question 4 – Practice questions
44
Step by step guide:
4. Read the question and highlight the key words:
To what extent do you agree?
5. Read back through the extract, annotating the language and structure
features. It does not matter if you use the same information from
questions 2 and 3.
6. Focus initially on:
How the extract develops, does the mood/tone/atomsphere shift?
7. Remember to What, How, Why to formulate your response.
Let’s look at an example annotation of this extract.
Question 4 – Practice questions
45
Question 4 – Practice questions
46
NOW HAVE A GO AT QUESTION 4 YOURSELF.
WRITE YOUR ANSWERS INTO YOUR BOOK.
Question 4 – Practice questions
47
Extract 1 – Sherlock Holmes
I have said that over the great Grimpen Mire there hung a dense, white fog. It
was drifting slowly in our direction, and banked itself up like a wall on that side
of us, low, but thick and well defined. The moon shone on it, and it looked like a
great shimmering ice-field, with the heads of the distant tors as rocks borne
upon its surface. Holmes's face was turned towards it, and he muttered
impatiently as he watched its sluggish drift.
Every minute that white woolly plain which covered one half of the moor was
drifting closer and closer to the house. Already the first thin wisps of it were
curling across the golden square of the lighted window. The farther wall of the
orchard was already invisible, and the trees were standing out of a swirl of
white vapour. As we watched it the fog-wreaths came crawling round both
corners of the house and rolled slowly into one dense bank, on which the upper
floor and the roof floated like a strange ship upon a shadowy sea. Holmes struck
his hand passionately upon the rock in front of us and stamped his feet in his
impatience.
"Shall we move farther back upon higher ground?"
"Yes, I think it would be as well."
So as the fog-bank flowed onward we fell back before it until we were half a
mile from the house, and still that dense white sea, with the moon silvering its
upper edge, swept slowly and inexorably on.
There was a thin, crisp, continuous patter from somewhere in the heart of that
crawling bank. The cloud was within fifty yards of where we lay, and we glared
at it, all three, uncertain what horror was about to break from the heart of it. I
was at Holmes's elbow, and I glanced for an instant at his face. It was pale and
exultant, his eyes shining brightly in the moonlight. But suddenly they started
forward in a rigid, fixed stare, and his lips parted in amazement. At the same
instant Lestrade gave a yell of terror and threw himself face downward upon
the ground.
I sprang to my feet, my inert hand grasping my pistol, my mind paralyzed by the
dreadful shape which had sprung out upon us from the shadows of the fog. A
hound it was, an enormous coal-black hound, but not such a hound as mortal eyes
Question 4 – Practice questions
48
have ever seen. Fire burst from its open mouth, its eyes glowed with a
smouldering glare, its muzzle and hackles and dewlap were outlined in flickering
flame. Never in the delirious dream of a disordered brain could anything more
savage, more appalling, more hellish be conceived than that dark form and
savage face which broke upon us out of the wall of fog.
With long bounds the huge black creature was leaping down the track, following
hard upon the footsteps of our friend. So paralyzed were we by the apparition
that we allowed him to pass before we had recovered our nerve. Then Holmes
and I both fired together, and the creature gave a hideous howl, which showed
that one at least had hit him. He did not pause, however, but bounded onward.
Far away on the path we saw Sir Henry looking back, his face white in the
moonlight, his hands raised in horror, glaring helplessly at the frightful thing
which was hunting him down.
But that cry of pain from the hound had blown all our fears to the winds. If he
was vulnerable he was mortal, and if we could wound him we could kill him. Never
have I seen a man run as Holmes ran that night. I am reckoned fleet of foot,
but he outpaced me as much as I outpaced the little professional. In front of us
as we flew up the track we heard scream after scream from Sir Henry and the
deep roar of the hound. I was in time to see the beast spring upon its victim,
hurl him to the ground, and worry at his throat. But the next instant Holmes
had emptied five barrels of his revolver into the creature's flank. With a last
howl of agony and a vicious snap in the air, it rolled upon its back, four feet
pawing furiously, and then fell limp upon its side. I stooped, panting, and pressed
my pistol to the dreadful, shimmering head, but it was useless to press the
trigger. The giant hound was dead.
You need to think about the whole of the source.
A student, having read this section of the text said: “the writer creates a sense
of foreboding in the extract”.
To what extent do you agree?
In your response, you could:
• Write about your own impressions of the setting
• Evaluate how the writer has created these impressions
• Support your opinions with quotations from the text.
Question 4 – Practice questions
49
Extract 2 – A Polaroid of Peggy
Peggy and I wandered back down Fifth Avenue with the rest of the crowd
dribbling out of the Robert Palmer concert that had just reached its exhausted
finale in Central Park. It was part of the annual Dr Pepper Central Park Music
Festival and whatever Robert Palmer may have thought, I, for one, was
extremely grateful for their sponsorship, because it was one of those
unbearable summer nights in Manhattan – very late summer, it was already
September – when the humidity is a thousand per cent and even the most
refined of ladies glistens buckets. We grabbed the ice-cold cans that were
being handed out as we left the arena and not just because they were free. On a
night like that, an ice-cold anything is a lifeline. With my de rigueur denim
jacket slung over my shoulder – don’t know why I’d bought it, far too hot to
wear, but once a fashionista always a fashionista, I suppose – I tossed back my
head and drained the lot.
‘You like this stuff?’ asked Peggy. ’Actually, I’ve never had it before. We
don’t get it in England.’ ‘We don’t get it here either,’ said Peggy. ‘I mean, we do,
but I don’t know anyone who ever, like, gets it.’ ‘Somebody must,’ I said. ’Yup.
Somebody must. I guess somebody must.’
Yes, you’re right. An utterly unremarkable, nothingy, so-what exchange and
yet, for me, intoxicating. It was the rhythm of Peggy’s voice that I swooned
over. The little staccato bursts, the subtlest of inflections, the bone dry
delivery. It was pure essence of New York. Not the On the Waterfront, Hell’s
Kitchen, Hey-Youse-Gimme-A-Cawfee Noo Yawk. But something else; sharp,
smart, sassy, seductive. Yes, all those clichés that, when put together, beget
another whole alliterating string of them: Manhattan, Martinis, Madison Avenue.
It was all there in Peggy’s voice, every time she spoke.
So maybe you’re thinking it was the idea of Peggy that I was so infatuated
with. That any pretty uptown girl might have done just as well. It’s a legitimate
debating point, and I will admit that maybe there’s the tiniest scintilla of truth
that I was, indeed, in love with the idea of a girl like Peggy. After all, I was,
with one or two minor caveats, in love with everything ‘New York’. But inside
Peggy’s New York wrapper was someone who rang so many bells for me, I would
have become every bit as besotted with her if she’d come from Nanking or
Narnia.
I had the not very original idea – still do – that love is a wavelength thing. It’s
just a question of finding someone who is on the same one as you. Nobody that I
have ever met – not before nor since – received my signal and sent back hers so
clearly, with so little interference, as Peggy. No moody dropout. No emotional
static. It was, for those few short months, such an unburdening relief to find
someone to whom I could get through and who came through to me. As I had
Question 4 – Practice questions
50
had so little real hope of finding someone like that – never got remotely close to
it before so why should I ever? – I was simply amazed. And even more amazing
was Peggy’s often given and never solicited – well, only very rarely solicited –
assurance that the feeling was entirely mutual. There was Peggy in this
relationship, there was me, and for the first, and perhaps only, time in my life,
there was a real, almost tangible ‘us’, the sum that was greater than the parts.
So, given all this, how on earth had we managed to get ourselves into a situation
where tonight would be our last?
Use lines 21-38.
A student said “The writer wants us to realise how in love the narrator is, so
that it is unexpected and upsetting that the relationship does not last.”
To what extent do you agree?
In your response, you could:
• Write about your own impressions of the character
• Evaluate how the writer has created these impressions
• Support your opinions with quotations from the text.
Question 4 – Practice questions
51
Extract from 1984 - Part Two, Chapter Ten
‘We are the dead,’ he said.
‘We are the dead,’ echoed Julia.
‘You are the dead,’ said an iron voice behind them.
They sprang apart. Winston’s entrails seemed to have turned to ice. He
could see the white all round the irises of Julia’s eyes. Her face had turned a
milky yellow. The smear of rouge that was still on each cheekbone stood out
sharply, almost as though unconnected with the skin beneath.
‘You are the dead,’ repeated the iron voice.
‘It was behind the picture,’ breathed Julia.
‘It was behind the picture,’ said the voice. ‘Remain exactly where you are.
Make no movement until you are ordered.’
It was starting at last! They could do nothing except stand gazing into
one another’s eyes. To run for life, to get out of the house before it was too
late – no such though occurred to them. Unthinkable to disobey the iron voice
from the wall. There was a snap as though a catch had been turned back, and a
crash of breaking glass. The picture had fallen to the floor, uncovering the
telescreen behind it.
‘Now they can see us,’ said Julia.
‘Now we can see you,’ said the voice. ‘Stand out in the middle of the room.
Stand back to back. Clasp your hands behind your heads. Do not touch one
another.’
They were not touching, but it seemed to him he could feel Julia’s body
shaking. Or perhaps it was merely the shaking of his own. He could just stop his
teeth from chattering, but his knees were beyond his control. There was a
sound of trampling boots below, inside the house and outside. The yard seemed
to be full of men. Something was being dragged across the stones. The woman’s
singing had stopped abruptly. There was a long, rolling clang, as though the
washtub had been flung across the yard, and then a confusion of angry shouts
which ended in a yell of pain.
‘The house is surrounded,’ said Winston.
‘The house is surrounded,’ said the voice.
Question 4 – Practice questions
52
He heard Julia snap her teeth together. ‘I suppose we may as well say
good-bye,’ she said.
‘You may as well say good-bye,’ said the voice. And then another quite
different voice, a thin, cultivated voice which Winston had the impression of
having heard before, struck in: ‘And by the way, while we are on the subject,
“Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off your
head!”’
Something crashed onto the bed behind Winston’s back. The head of a
ladder had been thrust through the window and had burst in the frame.
Someone was climbing through the window. There was a stampede of boots up
the stairs. The room was full of solid men in uniforms, with iron-shod boots on
their feet and truncheons in their hands.
Winston was not trembling any longer. Even his eyes he barely moved. One
thing alone mattered: to keep still, to keep still and not give them an excuse to
hit you! A man with a smooth prizefighter’s jowl in which the mouth was only a
slit paused opposite him, balancing his truncheon meditatively between thumb
and forefinger. Winston met his eyes. The feeling of nakedness, with one’s
hands behind one’s head and one’s face and body all exposed, was almost
unbearable. The man protruded the tip of a white tongue, licked the place where
his lips should have been and then passed on. There was another crash. Someone
had picked up the glass paperweight from the table and smashed it to pieces on
the hearth-stone.
A teacher, having read this section of the text, said: “There is a very dark and
sinister feel to this moment in the book; the fear and tension are palpable.”
To what extent do you agree?
In your response, you could:
write about your own impressions of the characters and their feelings
evaluate how the writer has created these impressions
support your opinions with quotations from the text.
Question 4 – Practice questions
53
Extract 4 – Savvy
When my brother Fish turned thirteen, we moved to the deepest part of inland
because of the hurricane and, of course, the fact that he’d caused it. I had
liked living down south on the edge of land, next to the pushing-pulling waves. I
had liked it with a mighty kind of liking, so moving had been hard—hard like the
pavement the first time I fell off my pink two-wheeler and my palms burned like
fire from all of the hurt just under the skin. But it was plain that fish could live
nowhere near or nearby or next to or close to or on or around any largish bodies
of water. Water had a way of triggering my brother and making ordinary,
everyday weather take a frightening turn for the worse.
Unlike any normal hurricane, fish’s birthday storm had started without warning.
One minute, my brother was tearing paper from presents in our backyard near
the beach; the next minute, both fish and the afternoon sky went a funny and
fearsome shade of gray. My brother gripped the edge of the picnic table as the
wind kicked up around him, gaining momentum and ripping the wrapping paper out
of his hands, sailing it high up into the sky with all of the balloons and streamers
roiling together and disintegrating like a birthday party in a blender. Groaning
and cracking, trees shuddered and bent over double, uprooting and falling as
easily as sticks in wet sand. Rain pelted us like gravel thrown by a playground
bully as windows shattered and shingles ripped off the roof. As the storm
surged and the ocean waves tossed and churned, spilling raging water and debris
farther and farther up the beach, Momma and Poppa grabbed hold of fish and
held on tight, while the rest of us ran for cover. Momma and Poppa knew what
was happening. They had been expecting something like this and knew that they
had to keep my brother calm and help him ride out his storm.
That hurricane had been the shortest on record, but to keep the coastal towns
safe from our fish, our family had packed up and moved deep inland, plunging
into the very heart of the land and stopping as close to the center of the
country as we could get. There, without big water to fuel big storms, fish could
make it blow and rain without so much heartache and ruin.
Settling directly between Nebraska and Kansas in a little place all our own, just
off Highway 81, we were well beyond hollering distance from the nearest
neighbor, which was the best place to be for a family like ours. The closest town
was merely a far-off blur across the highway, and was not even big enough to
have its own school or store, or gas station or mayor.
Monday through Wednesday, we called our thin stretch of land Kansaska.
Thursday through Saturday, we called it Nebransas. On Sundays, since that was
the Lord’s Day, we called it nothing at all, out of respect for His creating our
world without the lines already drawn on its face like all my grandpa’s wrinkles.
If it weren’t for old Grandpa Bomba, Kansaska- Nebransas wouldn’t even have
Question 4 – Practice questions
54
existed for us to live there. When Grandpa wasn’t a grandpa and was just
instead a small-fry, hobbledehoy boy blowing out thirteen dripping candles on a
lopsided cake, his savvy hit him hard and sudden—just like it did to fish that
day of the backyard birthday party and the hurricane—and the entire state of
Idaho got made. At least, that’s the way Grandpa Bomba always told the story.
“Before I turned thirteen,” he’d say, “Montana bumped dead straight into
Washington, and Wyoming and Oregon shared a cozy border.” The tale of
Grandpa’s thirteenth birthday had grown over the years just like the land he
could move and stretch, and Momma just shook her head and smiled every time
he’d start talking tall. But in truth, that young boy who grew up and grew old like
wine and dirt, had been making new places whenever and wherever he pleased.
That was Grandpa’s savvy.
Use lines 20-41.
A student said “The writer intrigues us with what happened to Fish by telling us
about the Grandpa, who seems like a strange person with interesting stories”
In your response, you could:
write about your own impressions of the characters and their feelings
evaluate how the writer has created these impressions
support your opinions with quotations from the text.
Checklist
Do your answers:
Focus on an evaluative response, making key inferences?
Have detailed explanations and analysis of how the writer has created
these impressions through language and structure?
Explain the effect of the language and structure?
Use correct subject terminology?
Reference the text and used evidence?
Question 5
55
Question 5
This question is a creative writing task. You will
need to produce an interesting, well-organised
and accurately written piece.
You are going to enter a creative writing
competition.
You will be judged by a panel of your teachers.
Either:
Write a description suggested by this picture
Or:
Write the opening part of a short story about…
(24 marks content and organisation
16 marks for technical accuracy)
[40 marks]
The question will always give you a specific
purpose, audience and form.
You need to show that you have adapted your
writing style accordingly.
One of the
tasks might
ask you to
respond to
a picture
prompt
Only choose
ONE!
This is worth
a half of the
whole paper
so you need
to make sure
your answer
is long,
detailed and
well-planned.
You are assessed
on what you
write, how you
structure it and
how accurate it is
so make sure you
proof read your
work!
You could be given the option of:
One narrative, one description
Two narratives
Two descriptions
Make sure you read the questions carefully so
that you are writing in the correct form.
Question 5
56
AO5 Content and Organisation Level 4
19-24
marks
Com
pelli
ng a
nd
conv
inci
ng
Content:
Thoroughly matched to the form, audience and purpose.
Interesting and compelling for the audience.
Extensive and ambitious vocabulary with consistent use of linguistic
devices.
Organisation:
Varied and imaginative use of structural devices. Sophisticated and fluent
paragraphs that incorporate complex ideas and discourse markers.
Level 3
13-18
marks
Con
sist
ent
and
clear
Content:
Consistent match to the audience, purpose and form. Increasingly
sophisticated and ambitious use of vocabulary, chosen for effect. A range
of successful linguistic devices.
Organisation:
Effective use of structural features, using a clear structure. Writing is
engaging with clear connected ideas. Clear use of paragraphs and
discourse markers.
Level 2
7-12
marks
Som
e
succ
ess
Content:
Some sustained attempt to match form, audience and purpose. Some
conscious use of vocabulary and linguistic devices.
Organisation:
Some attempt to use structural features with increasing links between
ideas. Some use of paragraphs and discourse markers.
Level 1
1-6
marks
Sim
ple
and
lim
ited
Content:
Simple awareness of form, audience and purpose. Simple use of
vocabulary and some simple linguistic devices.
Organisation:
One or two relevant ideas, which might be simply linked. Random or no
paragraph structure.
A06 Technical Accuracy
Level 4
13-16 marks
Ambitious use of vocabulary. Confident use of a wide range of
punctuation. Accurate use of grammar.
Level 3
9-12 marks
Mostly suitable vocabulary with variety and thought. Mostly
correct grammar and a range of mostly accurate punctuation.
Level 2
5-8 marks
Attempt to vary vocabulary punctuation and grammar. This is
sometimes successful and appropriate.
Level 1
1-4 marks
Simple vocabulary, grammar and punctuation that is inaccurate
throughout.
Question 5
57
Narrative Voice
When creating a narrative piece, it is important to consider who the narrator
will be. Whose perspective are you writing from? Is it first or third person?
Ask yourself these questions:
- What do you want the reader to learn about the narrator?
- How are you, as the writer, going to show you this?
- Why, as the writer, do you want to create this impression?
Let’s have a look at an example…
I have been working here my entire life. From the moment the
gentle hand lit the spark of my existence, I have been here. Above
you, looking down, shining. Omniscient. I have lived
to serve; we all have, working together to bring
that extra bit of illuminating magic to your evening’s
entertainment. I don’t mind, it doesn’t bother me; in fact, once
you get used to the uniformity of it, it actually becomes quite
liberating. Knowing that your little existence is part of a
greater world of pure pleasure. It feels like something I was
meant to do. Until now.
It started the usual way. We left one wonderful place and moved to
another: packed up, set off, stopped, unpacked, set up, switched on
and started. But then the switching on, became off. My insides
emptied, I felt my entire essence dim, and I was
left with nothing to offer but internal, external and
eternal darkness. Surrounding me, the others glowed
gloriously, offering warmth and invitation, sparkle and shine.
Their glory became my guilt, their splendour became my sin,
and their unity would become my undoing. Their fluorescence perpetually fed my
fear. What can a light offer if it is forever dark? Nothing.
First person
narrative
used.
Reader can infer
that the
narrator is
lonely, fed up,
trapped but has
an important
role.
Narrative is
driven
forward by
the action of
moving
Reader begins
to notice a
semantic field
of ‘light’
Question 5
58
Now, I sit in shadows, waiting for the gentle hand to return and
roughly remove me from my rightful place. I wait, contemplating
which fate is worse – being replaced, or being ignored and left
hanging in a world that mocks me with its garish colours and
nonsensical melodies?
Over time, we continue our blind journey from one miserable
place to another: packing up, setting off, stopping, unpacking…
you get the ritual. And I begin to rust and stain, rattle and shake. But nobody
comes, nobody will release me from this house of horrors. So I remain, offering
nothing but darkness and despair in a world surrounded by joy.
Enjoy the ride now folks, before the lights go out forever.
Narrator is
feeling
morose,
abandoned
so reader
feels
sympathy
Contemplation of
life makes the
reader empathise
The narrative voice is a light bulb!
Question 5
59
Question 5
60
Exposition/
introduction
Climax
Resolution
Rising action Falling action
Think about how
to introduce your
characters. You
want to make the
opening engaging.
What do your
characters want?
What are the
struggles/problems your
characters’ encounter?
What happens to
make it worse?
This is the height of your story, where your
main problem comes to the forefront.
How is the problem
deescalated?
What choices do the
characters make?
How does the
story end?
The problem doesn’t have to
be resolved completely but
bear in mind cliff-hangers
can get boring.
This is where you
build up the
tension and create
the atmosphere.
Question 5
61
Narrative writing
START
This is the first thing
that someone will read so it needs to be
engaging.
MIDDLE
This is where all of the
action takes place and you
reach the height of tension.
END
The tension will start to
subside and a new normal will
be created.
Question 5
62
Spelling, punctuation and grammar
You are marked out of 16 for your technical accuracy so it is really
important that you proofread your work.
Punctuation:
You must ensure that you use a wide range of punctuation accurately.
Full stop At the end of sentence.
Question mark Where a question has been asked,
Exclamation mark Where you want to show volume, high emotion
or emphasis.
Comma In a list of 3 or more adjectives or things. To
separate information, which isn’t always
essential, in a sentence. To separate a main and
subordinate clause when the subordinate
clause comes first.
Apostrophe To show the omission of a letter or to show
possession of something.
Colon Before a list or a definition.
Semi colon To link two main clauses together which have a
common theme. To separate items in a
descriptive list.
Brackets Used to separate non-essential information in a
sentence.
Quotation/speech
marks
To identify a phrase/word taken directly from
a piece of writing or to show what has been
said in dialogue.
Ellipsis To show the omission of some words. In
dialogue, it shows a pause. Can also be used to
show a pause in narrative.
Question 5
63
Punctuation is also a good way at creating certain effects. Look at
the following annotated extract.
Vocabulary:
Try to vary the words that you use in your work and think about the
specific connotations those words may have.
Sad »Low »Upset »Glum »Weeping» Dejected »Mortified
Said Good Old Bad
Shouted
Whispered
Grumbled
Stammered
Muttered
Shrieked
Amazing
Fantastic
Wonderful
Majestic
Marvellous
Enthralling
Experienced
Crumbling
Threadbare
Rotting
Decrepit
Ancient
Terrible
Awful
Horrendous
Atrocious
Unsatisfactory
Abominable
Little bit
upset
Something terrible has
happened and the person is
beside himself or herself.
Starting to show
outward emotion
Question 5
64
You are going to enter a creative writing competition.
You will be judged by a panel of your teachers.
Either:
Write a description suggested by this picture
Or:
Write the opening part of a short story about being stuck in bad weather
(24 marks content and organisation
16 marks for technical accuracy)
[40 marks] Step by step guide:
1. Read the questions and choose ONE. 2. Plan your answer – this is important as it will ensure your answer is structured,
detailed and appropriate to the task.
Bullet point each paragraph
Mind map
Circle the areas you are going to zoom in on in your description.
Doesn’t need to be full sentences
3. Write your answer, remembering to focus on the question you have chosen.
4. Read back through your answer. Proof reading is essential, as there are 16 marks
available for accuracy!
Let’s look at an example plan and short answer.
Question 5
65
This method is brilliant for making sure you have written a lot about a little, as well as
focusing on your language choices.
You need to start with an overview of image, like a panoramic. Then zoom in on unique
details before returning back to panoramic picture.
Question 5
66
Write a description suggested by this picture.
Beach as a whole – people relaxing and playing in the sea. No
mention of the clouds – build up at the end of each paragraph
with a final paragraph focusing on it.
Lonely bird. What is he looking for? Where are the other
birds? Reaction to the cloud.
Single person, completely unaware of what is going on. Describe
what he is wearing, how he is lying.
Abandoned clothing and other items – description of them.
Personification – how they feel about being left.
Children playing out at sea. Impending danger .v. fun and
laughter. Parents calling from beach.
Waves breaking – getting increasingly violent. Link to children
playing.
Rocks being beaten by the angry sea. Bits breaking off –
becoming jagged and dangerous.
Looming clouds, getting darker and bigger. Swallowing beach
whole. Change of atmosphere.
Question 5
67
How can we start the description?
Calm. Serene. Peaceful. Golden sand dances in the gentle breeze,
covering the toes of sleeping sunbathers and abandoned towels.
Laughter drifts from the sea, filling the air with a sense of joy.
Children rush towards the azure water as their worried parents
shout instructions. No one notices the grey animal looming above,
getting closer and closer to its prey.
A lonely seagull waits patiently. He gazes at the sky before stalking
closer to his lunch; a stray, sandy chip, dropped unknowingly by an
over excited child. His wings stretch in triumph as he finishes his
feast and begins to look for dessert. As the sky rumbles, the seagull
edges towards its next target. Suddenly, a large hand appears from
nowhere forcing the seagull to take flight towards the impending
beast.
The outstretched hand flops back down, causing a tsunami of sand.
Its owner wriggles on the threadbare towel, trying to get
comfortable on the lumpy mattress beneath. A stray hair falls
across the suntanned, sweaty forehead as an earth-shattering snore
erupts from the sleeping body. Up and down. Up and down. In and
out. In and out. The dull, monotonous sound of sleep fills the
surrounding area.
Question 5
68
Semantic fields
A semantic field is a
set of words (or
lexemes) related
in meaning. The
phrase is also
known as a word
field, lexical field,
field of meaning,
and semantic
system.
Abstract and concrete nouns can really help with this.
What vocabulary would you use here to create a semantic
field of victory?
……………….. of smoke rose ……………… up toward the …………….. sky, a
dappled grey of sins and souls rising to the heavens. The sound of
cannon fire ……………….the air …………… followed by the ……………. of its
operator. With a ………………… like a bull to the ring, a final charge
headfirst on to unknown territory.
Drums …………… beating in rhythm with the soldier’s…………. hearts, the
…………. of the trumpet …………..on the soldiers’ ears as they marched
on to claim the land. With a final ………………, a ……………. ………….
……………………. the sea of fallen red.
Survival
Smoke
Camaraderie
Blood
Soldier
Helmet
Question 5
69
Using the same basic outline, now change your vocabulary choices
to create a semantic field of disaster.
……………….. of smoke rose ……………… up toward the …………….. sky, a
dappled grey of sins and souls rising to the heavens. The sound of
cannon fire ……………….the air …………… followed by the ……………. of its
operator. With a ………………… like a bull to the ring, a final charge
headfirst on to unknown territory.
Drums …………… beating in rhythm with the soldier’s…………. hearts, the
…………. of the trumpet …………..on the soldiers’ ears as they marched
on to claim the land. With a final ………………, a ……………. ………….
……………………. the sea of fallen red.
Question 5
70
Descriptive writing techniques
Feature Definition Example
Alliteration When 2 or more words, which are
close together, start with the
same letter.
The silky snake, slithered
slowly across the ground.
Emotive language Language that has an emotional
effect on the reader and makes
them feel a certainty e.g sadness,
anger.
Abandoned children left to
fend for themselves in
torrential rain.
Hyperbole The use of extreme exaggeration. I was so hungry I could eat
a horse.
Metaphor Describing something by saying it
is something else.
The classroom was a zoo full
of wild animals.
Onomatopoeia Sound word – imitates the sound it
describes.
The door creaked open.
Crash!
Personification Giving human characteristics to
something that is non-human.
The wind howled as it
slammed into the lonely
tree.
Repetition When a word, phrase or idea is
deliberately repeated.
“I really, really, really hate
school!”
Rhetorical question A question which doesn't need an
answer. Can pose more questions
for a reader.
Will you help the innocent
child?
Rule of three A number of connected items or
words – commonly adjectives.
The ancient, rotten and
crumbling house stood
lonely on the hill.
Simile Describing something ‘as’ or ‘like’
something else.
The man ran as fast as a
racing car.
5 senses:
See
Touch
Taste
Hear
Smell
Question 5
71
Planning a narrative piece
Write the opening part of a short story about being stuck in bad weather.
Characters:
Mum Driving car, trying to make a joke about it. Light
hearted and loving.
Daughter Typical moody teenager, late for a college
interview.
Setting:
Long bridge over the river – to the left is the ocean. Stand still
traffic both ways. Miserable weather – raining and windy. Weather
gradually gets worse as story continues.
3rd person narrative
Stuck in traffic with heavy rain.
On a bridge - nowhere to go front or
back
Not moving anywhere.
Radio signal goes. Rain
gets heavier. Wind picks
up.
Hail storms. Thunder and
lightning.
Look in the mirror and see tsunami
Question 5
72
How can we start the story?
Pitter, patter. Pitter, patter. Pitter, patter. The monotonous drip of
the rain played a repetitive rhythm on the car roof, as it stood as
still as a soldier.
“Why aren’t we moving?” groaned Jane as she stretched her legs
further up the dashboard. Rumble, rumble, rumble.
“Jane, I am going to ask you for the hundredth time to put your feet
down,” exclaimed her mother, exasperated by her daughter’s lack of
rule following and respect.They had been sat in the same traffic jam
for over an hour and both mother and daughter’s anger was
beginning to boil like the looming clouds ahead.
Crash! Boom! Crash!
The tar-black sky lit up, as a bolt of lightning flew down to earth. An
invisible hand began to shake the cars, moving them as though they
were as small as ants.
“Whoah, what the hell?” cried Jane. “This storm is getting right on
my nerves. Why do we have to be stuck right in the middle of a
bridge – “
Suddenly, like a lion pouncing on his prey, a 10ft high wave ploughed
into the side of the car.
“Muuuu-“shrieked Jane as she was flung against the window.
The water rose higher and higher, like a never-ending shield
encompassing the whole bridge. The ominous creature paused before
crashing down, smothering everyone in its path.
Question 5 – Practice questions
73
Write a description suggested by this picture.
Or:
Write the opening part of a short story about an abandoned house.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Write a description of a busy market, as suggested by this picture.
Or:
Write a short story about a time when you felt extremely happy.
NOW HAVE A GO AT QUESTION 5 YOURSELF.
WRITE YOUR ANSWERS INTO YOUR BOOK.
Question 5 – Practice questions
74
Write a description suggested by this picture.
Or:
Write the opening part of a short story about destruction or war.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Write a description about a dark place, as suggested by this picture.
Or:
Write a story that begins with the sentence: ‘My heart skipped a
beat as I slowly edged around the corner.’
Question 5 – Practice questions
75
Write a description suggested by this picture.
Or:
Write a short story about fear and apprehension.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Write a description about a severe storm, as suggested by this
picture.
Or:
Write the opening to a short story about a place severely affected
by bad weather.
Question 5 – Practice questions
76
Checklist - descriptive
Do your answers:
Create an image?
Use lots of adjectives and adverbs?
Use a range of ambitious vocabulary?
Use a range of descriptive techniques?
Zoom in on specific parts of the description?
Have accurate paragraphs which link ideas?
Have accurate spelling, punctuation and grammar?
Checklist - narrative
Do your answers:
Have a start, middle and end?
Create tension through rising action?
Interest the reader immediately?
Use lots of adjectives and adverbs?
Use a range of ambitious vocabulary?
Use a range of descriptive techniques?
Have accurate paragraphs which link ideas?
Have accurate spelling, punctuation and grammar?
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