FREETAKE ONE
August 2 2017 Volume 11, Issue 22
“The Hottest Little Paper in Town!”Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each month
For Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]
NORTHERNKANE & KENDALL COUNTIES
Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
OORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE
If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette
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Say It With Flowers A gentleman entered a busy
florist shop that displayed a large sign that read, "Say It With Flowers."
"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.
"Only one?" the florist asked. "Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a
man of few words."
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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 2
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Real Pearls?Two older women who were rivals in a social circle
met at a party. "My dear," said the first woman "Arethose real pearls?"
"They are," replied the second woman. "Of course the only way I could tell would be for
me to bite them," smiled the first woman. The second responded "Yes, but for that you would
need real teeth."
Officer's First Patrol A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a
cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came overthe car's radio telling them to disperse some peoplewho were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed asmall crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolleddown his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."
No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get offthe corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began toleave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proudof his first official act, the young policeman turned tohis partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially sincethis was a bus stop."
Gender Signs Over the years, my husband and I have usually
managed to decode the cute but confusing gendersigns sometimes put on restaurant restroom doors(Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), butevery so often we get stumped.
Recently my husband wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by twomarked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and theother was designated "Cactus."
Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee passing by. "Excuse me. I need to use therestroom," he said. Gesturing toward the doors, heasked, "Which one should I use?"
"Actually, we would prefer you to go there," theemployee said, pointing to a door down the hallmarked MEN. Bronco and Cactus are private diningrooms."
911 Dispatcher Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate
callers who are in various states of panic so I can sendthe appropriate emergency equipment.
One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital.
After finding out where she lived and assuring herthat the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her,"Do you know what caused the fall?"
"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"
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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
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Missed an Issue??You can get past issues on our website.
www.orangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
Seven Iron? Keith and Mike are playing golf one day and Keith
hits a hook off the tee into a deep ravine runningalongside the fairway. He goes down into the ravine tolook for his ball while Mike takes the cart over to theother side of the fairway.
After a while, Mike realizes that he hasn't seenKeith in quite some time so he goes back over to theravine. Looking down, he sees his partner sitting onthe ground shaking uncontrollably. Next to him is askeleton clutching a seven iron with a golf ball next to his feet.
Mike descends into the ravine and helps Keithstand up. After he composes himself, Keith says"What do you think we should do?" "Well," saysMike, "I sure don't think you want to use your seveniron."
Shoe Repair Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one
day when he came across a ticket from the local shoerepair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showedthat it was over eleven years old. They both laughedand tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?"Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove tothe store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to theman behind the counter. With a face just as straight,the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look forthese." He disappeared into a dark corner at the backof the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here theyare!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific!Who would have thought they'd still be here after allthis time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed."They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
Bill Cleveland 815-751-1156
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Robbie’s Interesting FactsNew Danger Lurks in East Coast Waters!
So you thought sharks were all you had to worryabout when you go swimming in the Atlantic Ocean?Ha! That's the least of your worries.
The newest danger is the exotic--and venomous--lionfish, a spiny red and purple fish that is 6 to 12inches long and whose needlelike spines can inflict incredible pain and even cause death.
Reuters reports that the presence of lionfish havebeen confirmed by scientists at the Florida Marine Research Institute of St. Petersburg. Although rumorsof lionfish in Florida have swirled for years, now several specimens have been found off the east coast of Florida.
A native of the south Pacific, the lionfish are believed to be in the Atlantic Ocean from southernFlorida all the way north to the Carolinas.
"Dorsal, anal and pelvic spines of this fish are venomous and may cause severe local pain, numbness,paralysis, respiratory illness and, in rare cases, death,"the research institute said in a prepared statement forthe media.
Here's the good news: Lionfish are not aggressive.Their spines are used only for self-defense. They arenocturnal, hiding in holes and caves along the reef during the daytime. At night, the lionfish come out toeat and will hang nearly motionless along the crest of areef waiting for dinner to swim to them.
The New York Subway RideThe scene: The "F" train of the subway line in New
York City. I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to
my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morningpaper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job.How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You siton it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaperunder my rear and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard (someday I may tell of thefirst), "Are you reading that paper?" I stood up, turnedthe page, sat down on the paper and answered, "Yes."
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OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:36 AM Page 4
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 5
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
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Slight Mistake I work in a department store where every night
at closing time one of our customer service representatives reminds shoppers over the public address system to finish their shopping.
One evening, a woman who had recently worked at Kmart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention Kmart shoppers . . ." Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble byadding, ". . . you are in the wrong store."
Sunday DinnerThe Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny,
tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?""No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My
Mom is a good cook."
Two CoinsYou have two normal U.S. coins
that add up to 35 cents. One of the coins is not a quarter.
What are the two coins?
AnSWerThe coins are a quarter and a dime.
The question notes that “one of the coins is not a quarter.” But the other coin is a quarter.
Bet you didn't know.....• A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
• A shrimp's heart is in their head.• People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because
when you sneeze, you're heart stops for a mili-second.
• In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80years, no one reported a single case where an ostrichburied its head in the sand. (or attempted to do so).
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:36 AM Page 5
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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 6
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OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:36 AM Page 6
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 7
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
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New Exercise ProgramPhysical exercise is good for you. I know that I
should do it daily, but my body doesn't want me to dotoo much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.
You are invited to use my program without charge. 1) Beating around the bush 2) Jumping to conclusions 3) Climbing the walls 4) Swallowing my pride 5) Passing the buck 6) Throwing my weight around 7) Dragging my heels 8) Pushing my luck 9) Making mountains out of molehills 10) Hitting the nail on the head 11) Wading through paperwork 12) Bending over backwards 13) Jumping on the bandwagon 14) Balancing the books 15) Running around in circles 16) Eating crow 17) Tooting my own horn 18) Climbing the ladder of success 19) Pulling out the stops 20) Adding fuel to the fire 21) Opening a can of worms 22) Putting my foot in my mouth 23) Starting the ball rolling 24) Going over the edge 25) Picking up the pieces
Whew! What a workout! I think I'll exercise mycaution now, and sit down.
Some Words To Ponder• If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.
• Kind words make good echoes.• Life is short, pray hard.
• The best things in life aren't things.
• Life is a measure to be filled,not a cup to be drained.•When you're green with envy, you're ripe for troubles.
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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 8
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
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A Child’s Eyes...A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he
read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she wouldtake her eyes off the book and reach up to touch hiswrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her owncheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God makeyou?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me along time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make metoo?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
Ponder the Imponderables1. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?
2. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea . . . does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
4. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
5. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in .. . what happens to the other penny?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
THE SNOW WILL BEHERE BEFORE YOU
KNOW IT!
Advertise yourSnow Plow Services
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Contact Michelle at
815-751-1286
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:36 AM Page 8
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
1-800-TEC-CITY1-800-TEC-CITY
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BLACK and WHITE You could hardly see for all the snow
So you spread the rabbit ears far as they'd go, And pull a chair up to the TV set,
"Good night David, Good night Chet."
Depending on the channel you tuned, You'd get Rob and Laura or Ward and June,
Or Andy Griffith and Barney Fife, Lawrence Welk or This Is Your Life.
I Love Lucy and The Real McCoys, Dennis the Menace and the Cleaver boys.
Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train, Superman and Lois Lane.
Father Knows Best and Patty Duke, Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too,
Donna Reed on Thursday night - Life looked better in black and white.
They were simple folks living a simple life Where everything always turned out right.
The good guys always won the fight. I wanna go back to black and white.
In God they trusted, in their own bed they slept,And a promise made was a promise kept.
They never cussed or broke a vow, They'd never make the network now!
Nowadays nothing's the way it seems In living color or on the screens.
The good guys don't always win the fight And life doesn't always turn out right.
If only I could, I'd rather be In a TV world of '63.
It felt so good, it felt so right, Life looked better in black and white.
I'd trade all the channels on the satellite If I could just turn back the clock tonight
To when everybody knew wrong from right - Life was better in black and white!
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:36 AM Page 9
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 10
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
On the Main Stage(in or near the Beer garden)
FridayRebel Soul Revival 5:30 - 7:30pm
Back Country Roads 8 - 11pm
Saturday Babin Brothers (Beer Garden) 12 - 3pm
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Licensed - Insured Bonded
Say What? Bob was in his usual place in the morning sitting at
the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He cameacross an article about a beautiful actress about tomarry a football player who was known primarily forhis lack of common knowledge and his fairly low IQ.
He turned to his wife Marlene with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why thebiggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
Marlene replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
Why do Watermelons have Fancy Weddings?
Because they Cantaloupe
The RanchA New York family bought a ranch out West where
they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit andasked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be-cattleman. "I wanted tocall it the Bar-J. My wife favored the Suzy-Q. One sonliked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y Ranch."
"But where are all your cattle?" "So far, none have survived the branding."
Elburn Lion’s Park • 630-365-6315
elburnlions.comNo outside alcohol allowed.
See our web page for more details
you can HEAR theEXCITEMENTEXCITEMENT
You love reading the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEYour customers do too! Be a part of it!
Call Today! 815-751-1286
ANTIQUE - CLASSIC - SPECIAL INTEREST AUTOS
reasonable rates
Old Coach Works Restoration
Whether it’s a reliable driver or a Concours Grand Champion
Complete Restoration ServiceSeasonal Maintenance and Repairs
Body Repair-Painting-Electrical Repairs1206 Badger St ▪ Yorkville, IL
(630)553-0414 www.oldcoachworks.com
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:36 AM Page 10
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 11
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
EVERY SATURDAY
Check out our Double Action and Early Bird Progressive
PlaySkunks!
• Doors Open at 5pm • Bullseye Game at 6:50pm
Hall Rental Hall Rental AvailableAvailable
Call for Special Rates
• Full Bar with Specials on Bingo Night
SOUTH ELGIN LIONS CLUB500 Fulton St • S. Elgin
(847)888-9575
www.SouthElginLions.comINTERESTED IN BECOMING A LION? ASK YOUR LOCAL CLUB HOW.
BRING A GUEST& RECEIVE
$5.00 OFF BINGO
Must present coupon. Guestmust be new to S. Elgin Bingo
night. Expires 8/31/17
Family Restaurant
With a minimumpurchase of $10
(before taxes) receive
$1 Off* $10 order$2 Off* $20 order$5 Off* $35 order$10 Off* $50 order
*Not to be used with any other offer.
(630)892-11001700 S. Douglas Rd
Montgomery
Senior BreakfastMon - Fri
HOUrSMon - Sat
5:30am - 10pmSunday til 9pm
Enjoy YourSummer!
Angvick Antique Motors Co.
Po Box 7 • Burlington, IL 60109
(847)287-4413 oldmotorsguy.com [email protected]
Specializing in vehicles manufactured prior to 1940BuY • SELL • RESToRE • REPAIR
PINBALL MACHINESCOIN OPERATEDARCADE GAMESDART MACHINES
IN HOME REPAIRSBUY & SELL
HOME AMUSEMENTS(630)742-2472
Conditional Devotion?An older couple regularly attended church. The
pastor was much impressed by how harmonious andhow in love they seemed. They always held hands allthrough the service.
One day after church, the pastor couldn't resistgoing up to them to express his admiration. He said, "I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love youare, even, after all these years, holding hands like that."
The wife looked up sharply and said, "It's not love,Pastor, I'm just keeping him from cracking his knuckles."
A Prayer For Moms and DadsNow I lay me down to sleep,I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quietFar from the daily family riot
May I lie back--not have to thinkabout what they're stuffing down the sink,or who they're with, or where they're at
and what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean--(well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,I pray my wits about me keep,But as I look around I know--I must have lost them long ago!
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:36 AM Page 11
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 12
Answers: $378 - D $379 - D; $380 - B; $381 - C; $382 - C; $383 - A
Gentle Chiropractic CareAcupuncture • Therapeutic Massage
Spinal Decompression Therapy
(630)375-9444 • 2166 Ogden Ave • Aurorawww.aurorachiropractor.net • Open Mon - Sat
HEALTHCARE CENTERDr. J. David Tejada
PrecisionBalancing Health, Wellness & Performance
$99 Acupuncture
Specialincludes evaluation + 4 sessions
Reg price $300
THE STATES
NICKNAME QUIZ
$384,000 Question...My state's nickname shares its nickname with a large, flying cockroach. What state am I?A) South Carolina B) MississippiC) Alabama D) Arkansas$385,000 Question...What state is surrounded totally by water?A) Bay state B) Pelican stateC) Ocean state D) Aloha state
$386,000 Question...What state's nickname can be formed by adding a primarycolor to one of the ossicles of the middle ear?A) Alabama B) MaineC) Kansas D) Wyoming$387,000 Question...What state is nicknamed after a member of the Rodentiafamily?A) Michigan B) LouisianaC) Wisconsin D) Oregon $388,000 Question...What state shares its nickname with an Island made famous by Robert Lewis Stevenson? (Treasure)A) Arkansas B) MontanaC) Idaho D) Nevada
$389,000 Question...What state's nickname shares its name with the traditional25th wedding anniversary gift?A) California B) NevadaC) Delaware D) Idaho$390,000 Question...This state has the nation's shortest coastline.A) The Free State B) The Ocean StateC) The Granite State D) The Magnolia State
(Answers below - See you next issue)
Doctors Have Good Stories too:• A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife isgoing to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and beganto prepare her for the delivery. Suddenly, I noticed thatthere were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.• At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscopeon an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anteriorchest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed."Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.
• I was performing a complete physical, including thevisual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet fromthe chart and began, Cover your right eye with yourhand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence. Hecouldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turnedand discovered that he had done exactly what I hadasked. He was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.• I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,"So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's verygood, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to getused to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."• During a patient's two week follow-up appointmentwith his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that hewas having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" asked the doctor. "The patch. Thenurse told me to put on a new one every six hours andnow I'm running out of places to put it!"
The doctor had him quickly undress and discoveredwhat he hoped he wouldn't see; the man had over fiftypatches on his body. Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.Now you know; Clear Directions!
Scales Don't Lie A lady noticed her husband standing on the
bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking hewas trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can seethe numbers."
I WISH EVERy dAy WAS
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:37 AM Page 12
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 13
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.
Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek
Jennifer Zack • 630-229-2001
Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!
- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -
• Thermal Pane Glass • Storms & ScreensReplacement
• Broken Window Repair• Shower Doors & Enclosures
• Commercial Storefronts• Decorative Glass
Call today!224-228-1000
NOT NEW WINDOWS -
NEW GLASS!
RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIALGLASS AND GLAZING SERVICES
224-228-1000www.ClassicGlassandGlazing.com
630-440-2213jfconcretelifting.com [email protected]
Serving Aurora IL and Surrounding AreasAll Projects Have 3 Year WarrantyDriveways • Sidewalks • Patios
Garages • Stoops • Void Fills • StepsPool Decks •Commercial & Industrial Uses
Concrete Leveling is Mudjacking
Don’t Replace Your old Concrete
Just Raise it and Save more than 70%
Answer Watermelen Sudoku
from front cover
35 Unique ShopsUnder One RoofHOURS: Tues - Sat 10-5Thurs 10-8, Sunday 11-5
701 N. State St. (Rt 31) Elgin, IL 60123
1 mile S. of I-90 (847)695-3066www.StateStreetMarketShops.com
Enjoy the day at theLARGEST
GIFT & ANTIQUEShop in The Fox Valley
Reasons Why Dogs Do Not Use Computers! 10. to op OHQ05 rxd6TTO /6T Y#} P3E2Wq/g
(It is too hard to type with paws) 9. Sit and stay were hard enough. Delete and save is out of the
question! 8. Saliva coated CD’s refuse to work. 7. Carpal paw syndrome. 6. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead giveaway he's been browsing. 5. Fire hydrant icon is frustrating. 4. Can't help attacking screen when he hears, "You've Got Mail". 3. Too messy to mark every website he visits. 2. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 1. Cannot stick his head out of WINDOWS 10.
Report Card Time The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he
made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said....... "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better
grades....... somebody is going to get a spanking........."
Finally my w
inter fat is gone.Now
I have Spring Rolls
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:37 AM Page 13
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality used
vehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a
carfax report and many arepriced in the
$3000 - $8000 range. View our inventory at
www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is located
in downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission is
to give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and
remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friends
in the car business.Hetts Auto Sales
69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543
630-554-9339www.hettsautosales.com
CASH PAIDWWII, WWI
Military uniforms,photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,
souvenirs, & older firearms.630-215-3664
Garage Doors by CurtSales and Service
We Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers
(630)276-3453
Gary’s Painting & Handyman(630)409-6002$20/hour local
$22/hour outside local area
BUYING
AUTOMOTIVE
The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc
Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs,
Upholstery, RV’sResidential/Business/Rentals
www.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates
CARPET CLEANING
HANDYMAN
GARAGE DOORS
EGGS FOR SALE
AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)
Licensed • 45 yrs ExpJust Call Al (630)514-6569
ELECTRICAL
AA ELECTRICResidential • CommercialIndustrial • New Const.Full Service Electrical
24-Hr Svc • Free Estimate(630)393-1100
Ed & Judie’s Chicken &Duck Egg Farm: Self Service
6S260 Hankes RdAurora (630)907-0775
ELECTRICIAN
Phil’s Cleaning ServiceNeed carpets cleaned?
R U Flooded? Best Prices Call 24/7 (847)800-7167
CLEANING SERVICE
$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak Face Cord
Free Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed
FIREWOOD
HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Maint
handyman-nails-it.com(630) 360-3039
Deliveries of black dirt,limestone, gravel, sand,
or debris removal. Bobcat service, weed mowing
Excavating & demo workJ.P.Rippinger 630-254-9446
HAULING EXCAVATING
DRYER VENTCLEANING
Prevent dangerous lint build-up that causes fires.A clean dryer vent allows
your clothes dryer to operate more efficiently,shortening drying time
& saving energy. SeniorDiscounts Available. Call
FUZZBUSTERS630-907-9643
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 14
Knife collection, doll houseBeam bottle train collectionduck decoys, antique clock,
toy tractor collection847-529-4767
FOR SALE
CREDIT CARD PROCESSING
Over charged or under served?Free review of your current
credit card processing. Transnational processes forthe Orange Peel Gazette.
Call Charles 312-375-6691
HELP WANTED
Office help with computerskills. Must be organizedwith bookkeeping ability. Call Betsy 847-888-2001
Skilled ConstructionLaborers needed for general
construction projects.(847) 922-5709
• Farm Windmill• 2 antique clawfoot bathtubs
• 2008 Triumph 850• 1975 Honda 650• Kawasaki 440
• Honda 350 DreamcycleCall 630-898-5320
Health Rider Machine $120Child’s Guitar $10
Flutes $10(630)554-2211
Work Home/ Spare TimeBook Travel+/We Train
Earn> What Your Worth!Interview - 630 766 8231
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:37 AM Page 14
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESTHE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN • PAGE 15
PAINTING
Wanted to buy junk -Cars, Trucks, Farm
Equipment/MachinerySemi-Trucks Trailers
Free Pick UpCASH ON SPOT!
(847)456-0974
Cash Paid for Old Fishing/Hunting
EquipmentCall Tim (630)327-1557
J & L BUILDERSBasement Finishing
Kitchen & Bath RemodelingFlood Damage Repair
Your Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates
(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS.COM
WANTED
RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - Exterior
Affordable & CleanOver 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured
(847)489-9907
Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, Trumpets
Double French Horns, Saxophones (847)951-7098
Sleeping Room $90/weeklyClean/Quiet, Non-smoking
Refrigerator accessAurora 630-247-1031
ROOM FOR RENT
Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified Arborist
Joe (224) 789 - 8773Northern Kane & Dupage Co
www.ArborJoe.com
OFFICE SERVICES
Superb Office Services• Computer Classes• PC Diagnostic / Repair• Business Cards / Flyers• Desktop Publishing
Elgin – (847) 741-1007Superbofficeservices.com
Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior
Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years Experience
Free Estimates/Insured Now Offering Carpet Cleaning
(815)482-4155
Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, Tile
Pavers Retaining Walls 847-833-3384
MASONRYJ & D TREE CARE
815-517-5042Tree Trimming & Removal
www.JDTrees.comFully Insured & Bonded
AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;
Electrical - WallsBathrooms - Kitchens
PaintingHabla Espanol
(847)809-1102 Jesus
T.J. MACHININGWelding • CNC Machine Work
Mower Deck Repair630-401-7355 • 630-345-2695
MACHINING
LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)
Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free w/A & F
Beautiful Lawn & Tree Care630-585-0221
I BUY SILVER COINS1964 and under
10 times face value(630)815-1506
Make Lasting Memories.Private lake community
home, 2 hrs west of suburbswww.5206heathcliffdr.com
REAL ESTATE
TREE SERVICE
LAWN CARE
REMODELING
Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories and jokesappearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not
meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.
Next Issue Ad DeadlineAugust 16 August 4
To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286
Veronica &Audelia’sHouse Cleaning Services
630-506-2895630-935-5287
HOUSE CLEANING
HOME BUSINESSYou started working a job to
pay your bill, why not a business that pays you. Get
started now and work on yourown terms. A small investmentto get started. Work F/T or P/T.
Call me (630)906-9521
INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENTBatavia, Sugar Grove,
St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341
Robbery Lesson A robber walks into a bank, produces a gun and
points to the teller saying, "Give me all the money or you'll be geography."
The teller looks up and says, "Don't you mean history?"
The robber replies, "Don't change the subject."
How to Have a Beach Body
1) Have a Body
2) Go to Beach
PAINTING
OPG 8-2-17_Layout 1 8/3/2017 10:37 AM Page 15
LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON AUGUST 16, 2017
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESADVERTISING STARTS AT JUST $30.00 PER ISSUE • PAGE 16
RECYCLEThinkorange
ThinkCash
CASH for your ScrapSteel, Copper, Aluminum & Cars
Trucking & DumpsterService Available
“Helping To Keep America Pickedup for 40 Years” TM
R. Zimmerman301 Industrial Dr
DeKalb(815)756-8600
For Advertising: Michelle (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected] • Mailing: Po Box 703, DeKalb, IL 60115
Download your FREE copy: www.orangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
ONLY$9900
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OUR BACK-UP SUMPPUMP INSTALLATIONS
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License # 058-174863
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ANY DRAIN CLEAREDProfessionally Clean Any DrainInside Your Home. Regularly $199
815-756-8484 Not valid with any other offer. One coupon per customer. Some restrictions may apply. Expires 8/31/17
815-756-8484 Not valid with any other offer. One coupon per customer. Some restrictions may apply. Expires 8/31/17
815-756-8484 Not valid with any other offer. One coupon per customer. Some restrictions may apply. Expires 8/31/17
If there’s any delay, it’s you we pay! TM630-262-8484
Call Ben Franklin Plumbing Today!
$50 off
Trimming • Pruning • Stump Removal • GrindingCabling and Bracing Damaged Trees
Landscaping • Mulch Services • Firewood(630)677-2722 • www.HenryTree.com
Large TreeRemoval
Call for Details. Expires 8/31/17
Signs the Car You Just Bought is a Lemon 1. As you leave the used car lot, you see the
owner rush out with a gigantic smile and high-fivethe salesman.
2. You notice that the car phone they threw in "forfree" has a direct line to Moes's Towing Company.
3. The booster cables are not in the trunk but arepermanently soldered to the battery.
4. The hood has been equipped with a push-buttondevice for quick and easy opening.
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