GENDERED COMMUNICATION GENDERED COMMUNICATION PRACTICESPRACTICES
“Communication between men and women can be like cross cultural communication, prey to a clash of conversational styles” Deborah Tannen (1990)
WOMEN’SWOMEN’SSPEECHSPEECH
For Most Women Communication is:
to establish and maintain relationships
conversation is for sharing and learning about others
Talk is the essence of relationships
EQUALITY
Equality between people is generally important
try and achieve symmetry often match experiences
– “you’re not alone in how you feel
– “I’ve done the same thing many times”
respond and build on each other’s ideas– Rather than “you-tell-your-idea-
then-I’ll-tell-mine,” voices weave together to create conversations.
SHOWING SUPPORTSHOWING SUPPORT
Often express understanding & Sympathy– “Oh, you must feel terrible”– “I think you did the right thing”– “I really hear what you are saying”
RELATIONSHIP LEVEL
Focus on feelings Focus on relationship between communicators
rather than content often probe to understand feelings
– “Tell me about what happened?”– “How did you feel when it occurred?”
– “Do you think it was deliberate?” Content is dealt with but also feelings involved.
CONVERSATION MAINTENANCE Women’s style is conversational maintenance work efforts to sustain talk often initiate topics for others
– “How was your day”– “Tell me about your meeting”– “Did anything interesting happen on your trip”
INCLUSIVITY
RESPONSIVENESS usually respond in some
fashion verbally and nonverbally
more engaged make other feel valued
and included
PERSONAL, CONCRETE STYLE Typical of women's
conversation are personal
disclosures details anecdotes concrete reasoning
TENTATIVENESS
Verbal Hedges• “I kind of feel you may be
overreacting”
Qualifiers• “I’m not the best judge of
this, but...”
Keep Talk Provisional, Tag questions that invite response
• “That was a pretty good movie, wasn’t it?”
• “We should get out this weekend, don’t you think?”
MEN’S SPEECHMEN’S SPEECH Goal of talk is
exerting control, preserving independence, and enhancing status.
Conversation is the arena for proving oneself & negotiating prestige.
Men’s Speech General Tendencies Use talk to establish and
defend personal status and ideas
When comforting, they do so by respecting others independence and avoiding condescending
SHOW KNOWLEDGE, SKILL, OR ABILITY Avoid disclosing
personal information that might appear weak or vulnerable
• e.g., someone expresses concern about a relationship with a boyfriend
– “The way you should handle that is...”
– “Don’t let him get to you.”– “You ought to tell him....”
ADVICE Tendency to
give ADVICE Instrumental -
not feeling, but rather what you should do
Superiority - Maintain control
Men see as “give and take,” Women as lack of concern
INSTRUMENTALITY
Instrumentality - The use of talk to accomplish instrumental objectives
Men socialized to do things, achieve goals
In talk this is expressed as problem-solving, getting information, facts, suggesting solutions
This focus on content works between men
Show support in ways learned to do so - solve the problem.
CONVERSATIONAL DOMINANCE Men tend to
dominate conversations - talk more than women
Talk more frequently
For longer duration
Select topic of talk
Interrupt more Men interrupt to control conversationWomen interrupt to show interest, affirm
ABSOLUTE, ASSERTIVE TALK
– Language tends to forceful, direct, authoritative
– Less use of hedges and disclaimers
ABSTRACTTALK
Speak in general terms Fewer concrete
experiences
More distanced from personal feelings
Works best in Public situation where theoretical & conceptual, talk is appropriate
LESS RESPONSIVE More “minimal
response cues” Less sympathy
and self-disclosure
• Sympathy seen as sign of condescension
• Personal problems seen as vulnerability
Talking about Troubles Woman disappointed in not
getting job– Man says, “You shouldn’t feel
bad. Lots of people don’t get jobs they want”
• She thinks, he belittles her experience
• He thinks, he is showing respect by bolstering her independence
Talking about Troubles, Cont. Man disappointed is not getting job
– Woman says, “Are you okay” What’s bothering you?”
• He thinks this points out his vulnerability• She probes to show she cares
RELATIONSHIP TALK WOMEN It’s going fine
if there is talk Talk is a
process to sustain relationship
Talk is a way to show closeness– “We need to
talk,” to affirm our caring
MEN It’s going fine
if there is no need to talk
Talk is to solve problems
Talk indicate a problem– Duck when
she say, “we need to talk”
GENDERQUESTIONNAIRE
Men talk more than women. T/F T Men are more likely to interrupt women than they are
to interrupt other men. T Women tend to confront problems more directly and
are likely to bring up the problem first. T
Questionnaire, cont.
During conversation men spend more time looking at their partner than women do.
F Women are more alert to nonverbal cues than men are. T Groups that use the male style of sticking to the task get more work
done. F In general men and women talk about the same things. F Women use less personal space than men do. T When a man speaks, he is listened to more carefully than a
woman, even if the presentation is identical. T
Questionnaire, cont.
In general women speak in a more tentative style than men do. T Women are more likely than men to disclose personal
information. T In general men smile more often than women. F Women are more likely than men to answer questions that are
not addressed to them. F Women and men are equally emotional when they speak. T Men appreciate jokes more than women. T
THE ENDBased on Julia Wood’s book Gendered Lives
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