Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 1 Chapter Eight: Gendered Close...

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Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships

Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth

Chapter Eight:Chapter Eight:

Gendered Close RelationshipsGendered Close Relationships

gendered lives

““The doors we open and The doors we open and close each day decide close each day decide

the lives we live.”the lives we live.”

~ Flora Whittenmore~ Flora Whittenmore


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The Meaning of The Meaning of Personal RelationshipsPersonal Relationships

• Personal Relationships are Ones in

Which Partners…

Depend on Each Other for Affection to

Material Assistance

Are Interdependent

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The Meaning of The Meaning of Personal RelationshipsPersonal Relationships

• Personal Relationships are Ones in

Which Partners…

Expect Affection, Companionship,

Energy, and Assistance

Regard Each Other as Unique

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Gendered Patterns in Gendered Patterns in Personal RelationshipsPersonal Relationships

• Male Deficit Model

Men Less Skilled in Developing and

Sustaining Personal Relationships

Emotional Talk Hallmark of Intimacy

Men Less Intimate than Women

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Gendered Patterns in Gendered Patterns in Personal RelationshipsPersonal Relationships

• Alternative Paths Model

Agrees That Socialization Root of M/F

Differences in Styles of Relating

However, it Does not Presume that

Men Lack Feelings or Emotional Depth

Men Do Express Closeness in Ways

they Understand and Value

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Gendered Styles of FriendshipGendered Styles of Friendship

• Similarities in Women’s and Men’s

Friendships

Both Value Close Friends

Both Engage in Instrumental and

Expressive Expressions of Closeness

Vary in Degree of Use

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Gendered Styles of FriendshipGendered Styles of Friendship

• Differences in Women’s and

Men’s Friendships Women

Face-to-Face

Directly and Verbally

MenSide-by-Side

Engage in Activities

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Women’s Friendships: Women’s Friendships: Closeness in DialogueCloseness in Dialogue

• Share Personal Feelings

• Want to Know Each other In Depth

• Communication Open and Expressive

• Empathize and Feel Emotionally Connected

• Explicit Talk about Relationship

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Women’s Friendships: Women’s Friendships: Closeness in DialogueCloseness in Dialogue

• Difficulty in Dealing with Envy and

Competition

• Difficulty Overriding Socialization to Be

Constantly Available and Caring

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Men’s Friendships: Closeness Men’s Friendships: Closeness in the Doingin the Doing

• Activities Center of Friendships

• Instrumental Focus

• Covert Intimacy

• Often Limited in Scope

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Friendship Between Friendship Between Women and MenWomen and Men• Often View Other in Sexual Terms

• Sex-Segregation Socialization

• Men Receive Greater Emotional Support

• Women Receive Less Intense Companionship

• Men Talk More, Demand More Attention

and Support than They Offer

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Gendered Romantic Gendered Romantic RelationshipsRelationships• Feminine Women and Masculine Men are Desirable

• Men Should Initiate, Plan, and Direct Activities

• Women Should Facilitate Conversation, Generally

Defer to Men, but Control Sexual Behavior.

• Men Should Excel in Status and Earning Money,

Women Should Assume Primary Responsibility for

Relationship, Home, and Children.

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Developing Romantic IntimacyDeveloping Romantic Intimacy• Men Take the Initiative

• Men Fall in Love Faster and Harder

• Men See Love as Taking Trips to Romantic Places, Spontaneous Love Making

• Women Think of Extended Conversations, Sharing Deep Feelings, Physical Contact

• Gay Couples Likely to Have Best-Friend Relationships with Sex The Internet: Sex, Gender, and Relationships

http://www.cyberparent.com/gender/

The Internet: Sex, Gender, and Relationshipshttp://www.cyberparent.com/gender/

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Engaging in Committed Engaging in Committed RelationshipsRelationships• Four Primary Dimensions of Love

Relationships:

Modes of Expressing Affection

Gendered Preferences for Autonomy and Connection

Gendered Responsibility for Relational Health

Gendered Power Dynamics

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Modes of Expressing AffectionModes of Expressing Affection

• Conversations about Feelings and

Daily Activities is Primary for Women

• Women and Men often have Different

Views of Intimacy Women Express Intimacy with Self-

Disclosure and Emotional Support.

Men Express Intimacy by Doing Things

for Romantic Partner

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AutonomyAutonomy ConnectionConnection

Masculine individualstypically want greaterautonomy

Feminine individuals generally wantgreater connection

Differences in desire for autonomy and connection can lead to problems

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Responsibility for Responsibility for Relational HealthRelational Health• Women Viewed as Relationship Experts

and Assume the Primary Burden

• Expectations for Responsibilities Can

Lead to Problems.

Greater Satisfaction When Shared

• Lesbian Partners Tend to Be Most Equal

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Gendered Power DynamicsGendered Power Dynamics• Masculine Socialization Creates

Expectations of Male Dominance• Division of Labor Reflects Gendered

Power Dynamics Labor Divided Unequally in the Home “Second Shift” Duties Typically Woman’s

Responsibilities Psychological Responsibility Increases

Burdens of Second Shift Duties Consequences of Second Shift Include Stress,

Fatigue, Illness, and Resentment

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Couples’ Patterns of InfluenceCouples’ Patterns of Influence

• Husbands’ Preferences and Desires Count More

• In Conflict, Masculine Individuals More Typically Leave or Deny Problem

• In Conflict, Feminine Individuals Initiate Discussion or Become Loyal to Partner

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Patterns of Violence and AbusePatterns of Violence and Abuse• Violence Typically Inflicted by Masculine

Individuals

• Greater Incidence of Violence in Cultures with Male Dominance

• A Feminine Orientation May Create Situations where Violence is Tolerated to Keep Relationships and Families Intact

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gendered lives

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 1 Chapter Eight: Gendered Close...

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