THESIS

R E A D T H R O U G H S O M E O F T H E T H E S I S S U B M I T T E D & M Y C O M M E N T S

The storm is a significant part of both

the plot and the story.

The storm is a significant part of both the

plot and the story.

There are two things with this thesis:

1. First, what story? Of course we all

know it’s “The storm” because we just

read it, but would someone outside

the class? Remember your audience.

2. Second, look at the word significant.

Good word but vague here. Be more

specific. One take is the storm is

significant because it moves the plot

forward and parallels the actions of

the lovers.

The storm approaching in “The Storm”

symbolizes trouble and secret chaos that

is going to occur.

The storm approaching in “The Storm”

symbolizes trouble and secret chaos that

is going to occur.

This one is pretty good as long as the

writer knows what he/she is going to

cover in terms of trouble and chaos. It

means the title of the work and specific

details – trouble is a bit vague, but secret chaos is perfect.

In “The Storm” by Kate Chopin, the

storm symbolizes the chaos within the

house, and it follows the plot.

In “The Storm” by Kate Chopin, the

storm symbolizes the chaos within the

house, and it follows the plot.

This one is fine as written. It mentions

the story, and it refers to chaos within the house and how the storm also

follows the plot. Now, you could take

out “and it follows the plot” because it is

obvious and you would cover that with

symbolizing chaos and describing the

lovers’ actions along with the storm’s.

In “The Storm,” the author uses

symbolism to compare the stormy

weather to a secret relationship between

a married woman and a former lover.

In “The Storm,” the author uses

symbolism to compare the stormy

weather to a secret relationship between

a married woman and a former lover.

This one is fine as written. It mentions

the story and very specifically mentions

that the essay will be a comparison of

the storm to the relationship of the two

lovers.

In Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Tell-Tale

Heart,” the old man’s one pale eye

symbolizes the narrator’s other

personality that causes him to go crazy.

In Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Tell-Tale

Heart,” the old man’s one pale eye

symbolizes the narrator’s other

personality that causes him to go crazy.

This one names the story and then says

that the pale eye symbolizes the

narrator’s other personality.

Now the part that may need work is

whether the writer will be able to show

that the narrator has more than one

personality – and that one of those

personalities causes him to go mad. If

the writer feels confident with that path,

then it’s good to go.

The obstacles that have been taken on his journey severe; Anyone can last in the cold; it’s about how long you do that counts.

This one is harder to comment on. It has some really good elements, but I would have to talk to the writer about what direction he/she wants to take. How would you relate the “how long” to the story?

Does the writer want to concentrate on the setting and how the main character interacts with it? Or does the writer want to concentrate on the man’s lack experience and that’s why he did not last.

Also, for academic papers, no contractions.

In the story “To Build a Fire,” the author

uses imagery to create a setting about

the antagonist against the man.

In the story “To Build a Fire,” the author uses imagery to create a setting about the antagonist against the man.

This one is good. It’s just the wording that has to be made smoother. First, you don’t need to say “the story.” With some revision, it could be:

In “To Build a Fire,” the author uses imagery to create a setting that has qualities of an antagonist that pits itself against the man.

There are lots of ways to revise. It depends on the writer’s intent. I went with the assumption that the writer would pick things that happened in the cold that the man had a hard time overcoming or couldn’t overcome.

The antagonist of the story “To Build a

Fire” is Mother Nature’s brutality, and

the battles between the man and the

cold represents their relationship.

The antagonist of the story “To Build a

Fire” is Mother Nature’s brutality, and

the battles between the man and the

cold represents their relationship.

This one is fine – just a couple of tweaks.

I would take out “the story.” And I

would phrase it as “a brutal Mother

Nature.” What makes it work is how it

specifically mentions the battle between

the two and their relationship.

In the Tell Tale Heart the narrator’s

motives are self driven thoughts and

illness drive him into his madness.

In the Tell Tale Heart the narrator’s motives are self driven thoughts and illness drive him into his madness.

Remember good writing conventions when you write and how you should write titles: “The Tell-Tale Heart.” Be sure to write it as the author does and to use quotations for short story titles. Oh it’s self-driven.

The part I would focus on is the word illness. Does the writer mean a physical illness or mental illness? Does the writer mean the illness of the old man or the narrator? Makes that area more specific and the thesis works.

The speaker is completely unreliable and

he never loved the old man and he

murdered him for his possessions.

The speaker is completely unreliable and he never loved the old man and he murdered him for his possessions.

While there are some good things in this thesis, it does need revision. First, don’t forget to mention the story – a reader outside this class wouldn’t know. We all know the speaker is unreliable so make it a a description. The two parts that are debatable is that the narrator never loved him and wanted his possessions. As long as the writer can show how he came to that thought, the thesis would work. A revision could look like this:

The unreliable narrator in “The Tell-Tale Heart” never loved the old man and murdered him for his possessions.

In Jack London’s “To Build a Fire,”

London uses the setting to establish a

man versus nature conflict, giving the

Yukon a vibrant personality that the man

within the story lacks.

In Jack London’s “To Build a Fire,”

London uses the setting to establish a

man versus nature conflict, giving the

Yukon a vibrant personality that the man

within the story lacks.

This one works. It has all the elements

necessary as long as the writer focuses

on the two’s personalities – he/she has

to show the Yukon as vibrant and the

man as plain or boring through the

details London uses.

By shifting the point-of-view throughout

the story, Jack London highlights and

contrasts pride found in the man and the

instinct in animals and how these traits

lead to fatal circumstances.

By shifting the point-of-view throughout

the story, Jack London highlights and

contrasts pride found in the man and the

instinct in animals and how these traits

lead to fatal circumstances.

This one is good in terms of the topic

and how specific it is. What needs to be

worked on is wording. Oh and naming

the story. One revision could be:

By shifting the point-of-view throughout

“To Build a Fire,” Jack London highlights

and contrasts the man’s pride with the

dog’s instinct [the writer used animals,

but the dog is who we get to know] and

how these traits lead to the man’s fatal

circumstances.

In “The Tell-Tale Heart,” Poe writes as a

murderer whose exaggerations, intensity,

and insanity grow as his denial of each

increases.

In “The Tell-Tale Heart,” Poe writes as a

murderer whose exaggerations, intensity,

and insanity grow as his denial of each

increases.

This is well-written, but it’s borderline in

terms of the statement being debatable.

We are probably all in agreement that he

exaggerates more and more as the story

goes along and his insanity grows. What

I would recommend is coming up for a

reason he gets crazier as the story goes

on. What is the writer’s theory about

why or how?