You Can't Tame the Wild Heart: A Fairy Tale About the King of New York

8/16/2019 You Can't Tame the Wild Heart: A Fairy Tale About the King of New York

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The King of New York has a cunning and baing enemy and her name is Love. Set

in a magical, fairy tale New York that has been uset by tragedy and hardshi, the

King has warred every enemy and won, but he can!t beat Love. This book is a

masterful literary mystery written with e"citing and adventurous surrising, twists

and turns down a labyrinth of true love that will have your heart ulsing and

dancing throughout the whole novel. You can never guess what will haen ne"t asthe King and #ueen go to war with each other to save New York $ity and

themselves. %t times very magical and beautiful, every ste susenseful and heart

ulsing, often very romantic, edgy, and e"citing & You $an!t Tame the 'ild (eart) %

*airy Tale %bout The King +f New York is a modern adult feelgood fairy tale cut

with a feminist edge, dee insight, and comedy, that emowers, insires, and

makes readers believe in true love again. You will -ght with him, be heartbroken

with him, and fall madly in love with the King reading this. ead at your own risk &

this book may have you embodied in the magical feeling of /od and true love. The

book is often times oetic, creative, wellwritten, and armed with a romantic unch

that de-es language and the tyical literary novel. Lose yourself and indulge in it for

a moment & it!s a short tale, but an e"citing and sweet one that will make you feel

good all over.

*or %ngel & the love of all time.

*or my dad & who 0 could never reay enough. 'ho gave me a big chance and loved

me until better.

*or my mother & the most secial woman in the world.

*or %unt Kathy & 'hose love is immense.

*or Kourtney, 1at 2r. and his wife Trish, Nikki and her husband 2ason Sr., $arol,

Shannon, %unt 2anine, %unt 3ev and her daughter Lauren, 3eie and her mom and

dad %unt 4ottie and 5ncle 3illie, 5ncle 6d and his daughter Sara, %nnie, %unt

7ichelle and 5ncle $hris, Keegan and her husband , and %iden our 0rish $hristmas

friend & the most beautiful eole 0 ever met

*or 2ason 3urr 2r., 2anie 1atricia, and Kylie & The most beautiful children in the world

may you be on the road to -nd it too.

*or /od & who never stos loving even when the world does.

0 thank you. 0 can!t thank you enough.

0f when you walk on your 8ourney You face a mountain that you fear climbing3ecause it looks too tall and wide 2ust remember there is freedom on the other side0f you look at silent iano%nd do not know what you found


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Touch it to discover the mystery of your own beautiful body0n the sound0f ever anything goes wrong%nd your dreams are in the stars, your sun in on the other side of -re,%nd you!re on the ground 2ust remember 2ust one more ste will turn the world around0f when you go there

You make a few mistakes4on!t worry The sun always gives us another chance3ut most of all0f life ever gets too hard4ance

You $an!t Tame The 'ild (eart) % *airy Tale %bout The King of New York

Nobody in their world knew what it was, but she did.

0t was a song that was their song alone a song that only he and she could

hear in the crowd and it was with them now, carrying her to her death.

(er hair was dee and endless black. 0t was cra9ed and long, very long, and

curly. 0t stood out insanely around her head and was electric shocks, falling across

the room like uninhibited bolts of lightning that could kill with 8ust a touch. She

shook and staggered as they moved her. (er body was as lim and weak as a dead

:ower, and she dragged her legs and arms heavily as they ulled her to the center

of the crowded and hungry courtyard. *ists were unching and breaking the air with

force. $hants grew into fren9ied rhythmic beats that ounded and echoed o; the

wind and walls, getting louder and more emotional as she walked. The sound of

their voices were frightening and haunting. 0t made her body shake with force and

grow weak. She was scared, very scared, but she wouldn!t show it. She would walk

as strongly as she could stand, with her shoulders back with ride, and her eyes

raised to the ure white stars that hung over the courtyard like the only hoe they

had left.

The crowd was ressed together tightly like a chain) unthinking and angry.

(atred sread like a -re through the room and deformed everything around them.


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6ven the only :ower they had in their world wilted -nally and it was as destitute as

them. 0t was the rose with death thorns that nobody was allowed to touch but him

because if they touched it, they would die. The rose was the only beautiful thing

they had left of their world. *or some women, the rose was their only hoe and they

stared in to it as if it was a dream of a more beautiful life for them, but now even

the rose aeared like a betrayal and not the dream they once had of it when they

were alone. 6ven the :ower looked as dead and dark and weary as them now, too.

She was ulling away from the armed men!s gri in defense, held u only by

a ghost of the chants and screams. The men holding her were unusually tall and

large, with mean faces and angry, black eyes that deeened into immeasurable

violent distance. Their bodies were so big and ugly they aeared like monsters that

could swallow the whole courtyard with 8ust their eyes. The guards were fully

dressed in all black and armed with guns larger than the woman that sometimes

killed even before a bullet shot out. 0t killed terrifyingly slowly and hauntingly, in

terror and rosect, following them through their lives and warning them not to

move. She was hunched over weakly, angrily, and seaking in tongues almost in a

dance against gravity as they ushed her violently against her will to the throne

where King Troubleman sat with an evil smirk on his face. 0t gave the King such

leasure to see her die, ugly, and hurting.

+ne last scream of 8ustice, she thought, and then she screamed)


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fought him and ulled his hair in anger. (ow she almost bit o; his ear once and

how she scratched him so hard his face he no longer looked the same with the scar.

%fter her immense touch that changed him forever, his enemies could no longer

recogni9e him. 3ut it was a good thing that his enemies could no longer recogni9e

him because then he could attack concealed. She was in all her haste and rebellion

a good thing for the kingdom for a time, he thought, but not anymore. The King

laughed heartedly when she unched him and took her hit as a stroke of luck,

thinking that her touch really couldn!t hurt anybody. 3ut, her touch did hurt him in

another strange way. 0t touched more than the skin> or even the heart really. 0t was

a deeer cut that what was revealed & but he would never tell that to anybody. (e

barely revealed it to himself. +ften he would sit alone, thinking about the sad look in

her eyes longer than sky, the :ow of her hair like water on a rock, her body!s

strange ugliness and how it was still a kind of beauty here that was not allowed, as

if her body!s beauty was always defying truth of their country 6vilbum. %ll of it

snuck into his soul and invaded him nightly. There wasn!t a moment in the day that

he did not think of her) a iece of aer reminded him of her laughter, a ainting

reminded him of her childlike wonderment, and rain reminded him of her slee, but

he ket this secret to himself and never told anybody that he thought about her. (e

thought about her often. 0t made him angry to have secrets & to hold it all in & but

he had to. 0t -lled him with a rage he couldn!t handle or hold. Not 8ust her & but all

of it. (e would unch things, break things. (e would shatter the unbreakable.


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out a loud wordless scream that had nowhere and everywhere to go. The scream

wilted the rose that was in the other room. To everyone that saw it, it meant hoe

was lost forever.

That always haened. The King couldn!t talk, walk, or snee9e without

rearranging, breaking, or moving something. 0t made everyone scared of him. +nce

when he snee9ed, a girls dress fell o; her body as if his snee9e had the ower to

command his fantasies. (e claed his hands in e"citement and a young boy

started dancing as if he was steing on hot -re under his feet. %nother time, he

farted and they won a long war. They were -ghting the 7anchesters over control of

the /oodey iver because of the wealth there. The 7anchesters were half beasts,

-ghting hard and steady, almost winning the battle, when the King farted and

cleared out half the country. The odor and the remonition that he may tortuously

fart again was so unbearable to them that the 7anchesters surrendered right there

and 6vilbum won control of the iver. 'hen his mother died of a heart attack once

for three days, he -nally screamed angrily at the gods and her heart began to beat

again raidly. 0t was almost surreal, the feeling that Troubleman was bigger than his

body, but it was also scary. 0t made eole think he was sort of divine creature, but

it also made them scared of him because nobody knew who his ne"t victim would

be.

0t really wasn!t fair at all. Troubleman was so evil and maniulative because

his father was never around ever since birth and because his mother was so sick

and weak for her whole life it was as if she was gone too, that he develoed a

rebellious and arrogant Kingly aggressive ersonality to get revenge on the world.

(is mother told the boy his father was /odly, the creator of their evil universe.

Nobody ever saw the creator without dying, not even his mom who had not seen


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him either when he imregnated her. 3ut Troubleman wouldn!t listen to her and he

didn!t believe her stories. She never could control the boy!s insatiable need for

more even as a child more women, more money, more food, more drink, more

laughter, more land, more, more, more more that never -lled the emtiness always

there since his father left.

0t really wasn!t fair. Troubleman was so evil and soiled, that he never lost a

battle. (e never lost anything. (e took over 6vilbum, crowned himself King, and got

everything he ever wanted in life for his entire life, including the wife who didn!t

want to marry him, the wife who was waiting for that, that thing that was unknown

in 6vilbum, the wife he was going to kill now for sleeing with another man.

Troubleman ac?uired everything he ever thought he wanted. 'hen he wanted bear

for dinner, the cooks made him bear. 6ven when they told him the bear was almost

e"tinct, they killed for him and bred more bears so that he could have more dinners.

'hen he wanted a man!s wife, he 8ust took her without arguments. +nce he wanted

8ewelry from the moon, and somehow his men managed to get to the moon and

bring him back enough rock for a big necklace. The only things Troubleman didn!t

have was a dad and something he didn!t know was missing.

+ne last escae, one last hoe that made her believe that life was not as

tragic and un8ust as it was, she thought as she screamed again, this time

unintelligibly into the scattered air. $ouldn!t they feel her ain@ 4idn!t they feel

ain@ She wanted them to see her ain> to know it. She wanted to know that it,

whatever it was, e"isted somewhere for her too, even if in their country she couldn!t

-nd it.


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The other man was there. (is name was (ammer and he was one of

Troubleman!s comrades. Looking at the #ueen!s strong mountainous shoulders and

lascivious uneven body, you would never know she had been a slave to Troubleman

her whole life or that one day she would die because even in this hell that distorted

her, she still remained beautiful to (ammer, Troubleman!s comrade that slet with

her. (er wild eyes were dark and discolored, like rainbows of oil on concrete they

took on many colors according to her moods and were more of an emotional song

than eyes. The colors controlled him and changed the beating of his heart. They told

him to move now, attack like a beast, dance even, dance a distracted dance, but he

didn!t. (e forced himself to be still, to not even reveal it in his face, but his eyes

were stuck to her like a shadow, moving erratically with her body as she moved as if

they were one attached wings and not two beings. Looking at it, you don!t really

remember the clock belongs to the sun. (er eyes with his, they seemed to invite

him closer into her even from far away and although he was insired, he wanted to,

he would die too> he didn!t. (e held the gun in his hand as unsteadily as her

nervous hair, wondering if at that moment she could feel his heart breaking for her,

crying out 8ust for her when he never cried before, he wasn!t sure if he knew how to

cry. 3ut he already knew he was a coward. (e thought he was born to be a coward

and a killer.

0t wasn!t like him. 1eole died like this every day and they were all numb and

dumb to it. They never -gured out that their death and destruction was ne"t, even

when the time came and they were ne"t. They were too used to the ain. 0n this

world, you don!t. 'ell, what is it@ (e didn!t know what it was, but he did know it was

a risk. % big risk. You don!t. 'ell, you don!t get attached, esecially not to another


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man!s wife, but something came over him. 0t was like a song that was controlling his

body and emotions, an unheard of song here that was lifting him and making him

bigger and more owerful than he really was, even if nobody knew it and nobody

could hear it but him and her.

2ust yesterday (ammer told her he wouldn!t tell the king that it was him

whom she was having an a;air with. There was too much at risk in that, he said.

7aybe he wanted to live miserably for 8ust one more day, even if it was without her.

3ut, now. Now when faced with it, the realness of it, it was di;erent. (e killed many

men. (e destroyed eole, families, and lives and never felt a thing. (e had se" a

thousand times with a thousand women. (e barely liked the #ueen> it was 8ust the

se"ual thrill of it, her round and :eshy body around her breasts, his, and ass, -lled

his fantasies so rofoundly he was sure she was the only woman on earth who could

make him lose his mind with desire. (er body -lled him with addictive need and an

uncontrollable hunger he could never ?uite feed. 0t was the temtation, the se"ual

rebellion of it that ket him coming back. To have what the King had like a delicacy,

not many men could say they got that and he secretively hated the King because of

his domination and evil, let!s say, owers. 0t was ure lust he told himself and

nothing more that couldn!t ever be found in 6vilbum. 0t wasn!t her secretive laugh

she held in when she saw him. 0t wasn!t her strange lying outlandish stories that

entertained him so much he dreamed about her lies at night and where they could

carry him. 0t wasn!t the girlish smile she wore on her lis and in her eyes that

revealed her honesty even when she lied. 0t wasn!t how she left arts out when she

told them on urose so that she could tease him with mystery. 0t wasn!t the

secretive se"ual 8okes they told each other in comany. (ow when in comany she

would ress a iece of cake to her lower elvis and ask him if he wanted to taste it,


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or how she would lick an ice o, smiling at him, her eyes saying Am tonight in the

courtyard while the King is with 6milia and her lis commanding his body now.

+nce, right in front of the King she asked him to hel with her stocking when she

didn!t need hel and he almost lost his mind from her smell. /od the smell of her

was addictive and could make a man do cra9y things, like start a war. (e touched

her legs softly. She shuttered from the touch, remembering it, it, that, it, without

knowing it. (ow did he control himself@ (ow did they know about love when nobody

knew about love here@ 6veryone was forbidden to know.

+nce (ammer oked a man!s eye out for looking at the King!s cousin. (e cut

o; a man!s hand for grabbing on to his mother as he was falling. (e stole their

money legally. (e tortured a olitical risoner by laying horrible music for days and

feeding him 8ust li?uids for the fun of it. 0t was like that here. They greeted each

other by saying


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were weak to something or /odly forbid, they were a;ected by something other

than war. Nobody ever cried, not even the young girls when men icked them out of

the crowd, grabbed them over their shoulders, brought them to bed, and forced

themselves on them. 6veryone was too numb to cry. 6verybody was always

reared for battle and ready to die. $rying might be worse than death, because

for some of them, it could mean they felt something more than the cold.

(e looked at the #ueen one last time and hoed to never forget her in all his

life. (e knew he wouldn!t. She had a crooked and uneven mouth like most eole in

Troubledman!s hell. +ne of her nostrils was larger than the other, one of her

eyebrows were higher and shorter, and tiny red scars marked her face like stars to

other universes or a treasure ma to her many tragedies. She would tell him at

night what the scars meant. The one on her cheek was when Troubleden got angry

that she wouldn!t slee in the same bed as him the day they were married. (e

grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder like a cave man, telling her about a

wife!s duty. (e tied her to the bed because she was s?uirming and -ghting, and he

kissed her right there on the forehead so roughly like a beast it left a scar. She also

had a red mark on her thigh from that night because that!s where he slet, cursing,

tossing, and turning for not getting se" on his wedding night. The one on her

forehead was when her mother died, where she touched her one last time and

aologi9ed. She was still mad at her mother for not -ghting for her life, for trading

her over to Troubledman when she was only BC years old. The one on her neck was

from her sister, but she said her sister was dead and that mark was too ainful to

reveal. That would remain a secret.


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(e ointed to an emty white sot on her face,


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Troubleman looked at the rose, crushed it to insect it, and ate it, thorns and

all. The #ueen screamed in revolt and started throwing things around the room in a

tantrum. She threw a vase right at his face and started destroying the bedroom

furniture. 0t set her o;. She had enough. She couldn!t take this world anymore.

Something was wrong with it. She didn!t know what was wrong, but something was

wrong. Troubleman beat her violently 8ust to calm her down, but even on the :oor

and wounded she ket unching him and the air. (e held her down with his whole

body and stared meanly into her face in order to scare her, but he noticed a change

in her eyes and he softened, e"osing his heart in his face.


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that struck and ama9ed Troubleman who didn!t know what they meant. (e looked at

her face curiously because he didn!t understand, the small tears streaming down

her face as if they were little bits of magic even he did not believe was haening.

Then he almost anicked because he thought she was dying or going blind.


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like Troubleman, so they thought of the #ueen as secial too and someone to be

scared of because it was her who the :ower came to.

(ammer kissed her -rst, knowing she was married. (e followed her to the

shower and took her right there, being led by imulse and insiration. (e was

overwhelmed by her as if she was controlling his movements and body. (e didn!t

know why. The image of her body ossessed him and being with her was a need like

food is a need more than it was a desire. 0t was his fault. (e was not a man. (e was

a coward. (e knew that now.

She was too beautiful to be anyone!s slave and too beautiful to die. 0t was

even odd to him that things that beautiful did die, even if nobody in the room could

see her beauty. *rom the aearance, she looked as ugly and distressed as they did

& she was dirty, angry, and distorted but to him she was so beautiful it was as if her

beauty was out of lace here in Troubleman!s hell. 0t was as if her beauty was

ethereal to him, stolen from some other more eaceful world and deformed here so

much that its meaning was dislaced) what was beautiful there was ugly here, and

what was ugly there was beautiful here.

Standing before the throne now, there was so much wild and angry hair, he

couldn!t touch her ale and honest eyes even though he wanted to, and although

her lis were unrevealing and motionless, it was as if she was holding a secret 8oke

under skin because her skin was so bright it was as if her entire body was smiling.

The smile seemed to remind him of life, life that was rarely seen here, a life he

didn!t think he ossessed although he yearned for it one last time. (e had the

feeling if she died, he would die there too. (e would follow her wherever she went. 0f

the gun didn!t turn and kill him too, -nally revealing the truth of their a;air, the


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heartbreak would. (e knew it, but in this world he didn!t know what it was. 7ore

than her hands touched him, moved him somehow, but he didn!t know what it was

that touched him so deely and rofoundly. (e didn!t know what it was that moved

him to seak.

(e looked around at the angry and dirty faces of the crowd. Some men and

women were so ossessed with anger their faces were even more distorted than

usual and they were drooling. They were like hungry beasts stalking their rey> they

were hunters attacking the weak. They were ugly, ugly in their words and actions.

(e could see that now, but he couldn!t see that before. 'hen the #ueen touched

him, he saw things di;erently. (e saw cruelty in war in the beauty of her smile. (e

saw the maniulations of money in the wonder of her thighs. (e saw the horror of

death in the eternity of her eyes. 3efore, he was one of them) he killed, he stole, he

brutally beat too, but now he couldn!t. (e knew enough there to hide that he

couldn!t because he knew if he revealed it, he!d be found. They would know the

forbidden there had been touched and that nothing would ever be the same again.

(e looked around him, wondering if anyone noticed it in him, the sadness in his

eyes, the whole body breaking down in ain, the deseration he felt, but they didn!t

seem too. +nly love could have done it to him, but they all thought love was

forbidden here.

+ne man besides him laughed heartedly at the #ueen and began to give her

mocking gestures with his hands and funny faces mimicking her weakness. (e

slaed his back owerfully, asking him to 8oin in his laughter too, and he did laugh

a fake laugh that was more like a confused cry.

7ost of the crowd raised their -sts and chanted,


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(e knew at that moment she was braver than him. (e knew the crowd could

not see her> that they could never see her. 0f he could do something to change that,

he would, but he couldn!t. They were like this since the beginning of time and he

doubted anything would change now. 0t has always been hoeless, and it was still

hoeless and tragic. (e was only one man, what could he do@ (ow will he live

himself after this, he thought@ They were weird thoughts. They were thoughts

through many evils that never once emerged, but now they were creeing in. (ow

could he ever breathe again without his heart, because he knew the only reason his

heart still beat was to see her smile. The only reason the sun rose was because of

her. The only reason the birds sang every morning was because of her. %nd now

they would sing no more. (is heart would be a silent iano, where she was

suosed to be in laughing, but she wasn!t and it didn!t make sense) a world with a

forbidden sun, a world without her in it. % world without a heart.

She was wearing a tank to that showed her thick neck and arms, and a

tattered skirt, the only skirt she had ever owned. 0t was customary on 4ays of 4eath

in 6vilbum for the dead to show their skin. This was so that the crowd could see her

death everywhere, but never see what actually killed her. She knew it wasn!t the

gun that killed her, it was the man.

6ven though 6vilbum was so well, 6vil, there was still always music, and the

song was laying for them now. 0t was the song of death, a million wild and erratic

drums that sounded hauntingly like chaos and allout rage, and it was getting louder

and louder, growing closer to her. 0t sounded like fear itself and he watched her

weak already dead body being held by it violently like a dead child being held by a

rough river. She looked right at him and smiled without moving her lis much. (e

knew her smile was a gift for him. They had begun to communicate without anyone


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around them knowing that they were talking to each other through small gestures

and looks on their faces. (e had begun to know her better than he knew himself,

and he knew what she was saying now. (er eyes were brave. She was saying

goodbye, she was not saying not save me. The thought angered him -ercely. 'hy

can!t they live the life they want to live@ 'hy can!t life 8ust be good@ The feeling

took control of him. (e was going to do something stuid, he thought, thinking he

could no longer control the movements of his body. (e was going to start shooting

and murder Troubleman right there in front of everyone. 3ut, he couldn!t. (e

couldn!t now. 0t was hoeless. $ould he@

The drum rolls got louder and more emotional, raising the crowd!s

heartbeats and controlling their anger. They ounded their -sts and chanted in

unison with the beat. 0t was the sound of death near. 'hen the sound stoed, the

#ueen!s life would be over. 0t was a silence that could control a room. 0t was a

silence that could sto the sun from ever shining again. (e tried to imagine it, but

couldn!t bear it. The thought would break him aart> he wouldn!t be able to handle

it. (e knew he wouldn!t as he turned and looked at Troubleman laughing. 0t turned

his stomach to see him smile. (e wanted to unch him in the face right there,

ound and kee ounding. (e touched the trigger of his gun. (e was going to do

something cra9y. (e was going to murder Troubleman right there in front of

everyone. 3ut, he, he, hesitated.

She told Troubleman yesterday. Troubleman came into the bedroom while she

was sleeing and 8umed on to of her. (e smelled like whiskey and other women.

She told him he was disgusting and to get o; of her, but he ket ressuring her to

have se" with him.


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The city was told, and they an"iously gathered that morning, e"cited to see the

#ueen scream and unished.

She wasn!t scared in 8ail. She knew it would haen and had reared for it.

0n 8ail, she looked back at her life. 0t was mostly very sad, but there were moments

of 8oy when she was by herself, away from the eole who didn!t seem to en8oy the

same things that she did. She en8oyed dancing, and lanting her herbs, and when it

came, taking hotograhs of the sunset. The sunsets there were -ery, a mi"ture of

smoky grey and bright orange, and although it was often haunting and ominous, the

sun o;ered her in many days of sadness a breath of some kind of eace. (er three

sisters were sad too. They married men they barely liked 8ust to survive because

women were not allowed to have bank accounts or get the big 8obs. The family her

mother said was lucky enough to be married at all because if her sisters didn!t

marry, they would have to live on meager wages, living in the slums with no clean

water or ade?uate food, cleaning houses -lled with blood and animal carcasses, old

smelly furniture, and sewage shit in the bathrooms 8ust for money. Their mother said

the single ladies in the town died young because they would get sick o; the dirt and

disgust of their meager 8obs, but someties the #ueen thought an early death would

have been easier. Sometimes life didn!t seem worth living.

Troubleman saw her dancing in a bar one night by herself and immediately

fell in love. (e went right u to her and told her,


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(er father, who barely knew who she was and never soke to her, agreed for

a few hundred dollars and the romise that he would get more of that each month.

The #ueen refused and cried for days, but her mother said the family needed the

money. No other man on earth had ever shown interest in her and this was the King

of 6vilbum. (e had ower and money. She screamed, fought, and shouted, begging

her mother not to do that to her. (er mother said they had to> they were bound and

had no other choices left. 0t seemed to be a miracle from /odly that would hel the

family, even though the family knew that wasn!t the truth. 3ut the #ueen knew,

/odly never interfered in 6vilbum!s a;airs. (e never saved them, and he never

made anything better for them.


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sorry daughter, but we have to do this. Your father and 0 cannot a;ord to kee you

anymore. 'e almost starved last winter because of the bad cros that year. 0!m

sorry, but you must marry Troubleman. Not 8ust for yourself, but our family.=

%t the alter on her wedding day, she almost cried, but didn!t. She held back

her tears so that eole would not be able to see that she was di;erent. 0f she cried,

her true self would be revealed and that erson could never survive in this world.

'hen the King kissed her she had a knot in her stomach. She felt disgusted and

?uivered at his touch. She would not even force herself to like him or get along with

him. She hated him. She hated this world for forcing her into situations she didn!t

want to be in. She wanted something else, she always did, but she never knew what

it was.

She argued with him over the littlest things. %nything could make her angry.

0f at dinner he asked for her to hand him the eer, she threw it at him and told

him he had no manners. Then he would unish her by not allowing her any dessert

or to attend the dance arties. 0f he asked her if she liked his blue 8acket he 8ust

bought, she told him he enslaved her. That he was a brute. (e told her he heled

her family, but she did not agree and told him she hated him again. (e was not

listening. This war of the se"es made u the whole relationshi, her deviance and

him unishing her, but she never stoed battling. She would rebel to the death.

Now -nally it was over. She would die tomorrow. She said to herself that at least she

would die saying something and not silent like all the other women in 6vilbum

anymore. She wasn!t even thinking about (ammer who led her here. She was

thinking about herself now what she endured, what she lived through, what she

battled. She sat in 8ail and cried again, slow and musical tears, but this time the

tears were tears of 8oy and not sorrow, not because she would die, but because in


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death she was somehow somewhere free for once in her life. Life had no freedoms.

The tears ironically seemed to transform her face from ugly to beautiful. They were

erasing the ain and shame, brightening her grey skin to a soft rosy ink as if light

was illuminating her and shining out of her, unmasking the ain and revealing this

beauty never before seen in 6vilbum. 0t was the same beauty of the :ower, as if

they came from the same unknown lace, and she wore it with ride more because

she felt it. 0t was coming from inside her, not outside her, even though she knew

nobody in 6vilbum would see what she felt. She would die, yes, she knew she would

die, but she also knew 6vilbum would die with her, too.

'ord got out among the women of 6vilbum what the #ueen did. They

whisered that she was brave so that nobody could hear them but themselves

because they knew how Troubleman treated her and his other wives. They also

knew how their husbands treated them. 6ven though it was noble that he was King,

none of the women wanted the duty to be his wife because they knew no one was

more relentless or evil to women than Troubleman.

'hen the day came the women huddled together in solace in the courtyard,

remaining ?uiet while the men chanted for the #ueen!s death and called her a


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She was among the women, and Troubleman who was startled by her outburst

turned to look, but couldn!t -nd her.


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void. To sto himself from going mad he had to seak, he said as he rose from his

bed naked and looked out the window.

There was nobody on the streets. The townseole had acked u their

belongings and left. % single iece of aer :oating down the cobbled streets looked

like the loneliest thing in e"istence and a silence followed it that Troubleman could

almost hear from his room that was as haunting as death. 'hat went wrong, and

how@ 0 mean, she betrayed him. (ow could his court turn against him after they

listened to him for all these years@ She betrayed him. 0n all his life, Troubleman

never knew a ower greater than himself. Now he knew it e"isted, but what was it@

0t was invisible, so it could not be caught or even bought. 0t could not be seen or

touched. (ow sneaky that you could not see it, and yet it moved you and controlled

you, Troubleman thought to himself laughing at the maniulative nature he himself

would use. (e almost had a hidden resect for the ower because it looked in many

ways like him, cunning and maniulative, but it said di;erent things, it moved in

another way. 0t moved through the court so ?uickly it catured everybody and

changed them. 0t changed them sontaneously and so drastically) an earth?uake

you could not see coming, in one moment everything destroyed, you, never the

same erson again. %nd yet, he wasn!t hurt, he was suddenly thrilled to have an

enemy even in his sadness and weakness, this ower that soke against his

authority. (e was enthused by its mystery, the battle, a worthy oonent, because

now he knew it would be war) a war he knew he would -ght alone. % war he knew,

he felt with everything he was, he would win.

3ut, how to win & how would he win his life back@ 'hat was this ower@ 'ho

ossessed it@ %nd how did the court have it, but he did not@ 'as it simly a matter

of telling them what they wanted to hear@ To tell them he had emathy for his wife@


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No, no it wasn!t. (e!d never do that. 3ut, they sided with her. 0t was a sort of war

they fought, him and his wife, and he didn!t want to admit it, but she won. 3ut,

how@ She couldn!t have done it herself, could she have@ The :ower, Troubleman

thought. /odly gave it to her. (er wife said the :ower was from /odly. 'as it /odly

that moved through the eole@ 'ho was this /odly and how did he strike@ Nobody

had ever seen him or met him. Nobody knew who he was and most eole thought

he didn!t really e"ist. (e was simly a -gment of their imagination. 3ut, maybe he

wasn!t, Troubleman thought. 0 mean his mother claimed that /odly was his father,

the father who left him and now the father that betrayed him, and went against

him@ 'as that it, the man who abandoned him abandoned him again, but why@ 'hy

did he hate him so much@ 'as he to go to war with his 4ad@ 7aybe he should.

7aybe he should show him how much he hurt him and this was his chance. (e

needed more answers, more answers he couldn!t answer himself. 3ut, who@ 'ho

could answer these ?uestions, when nobody could@ They tried, they argued, they

fought and tried and debated, but never could answer their ain. Then it came to

him, Lulsa the sychic. She sometimes redicted the future, but she was sometimes

way o;. 7aybe she would know what this ower was and how it stoed him. She

could be wrong, and lead him in a very wrong direction, but she may be able to

hel. 'as she still in New York $ity, on lanet 6arth@ (e would have to travel there.

0t was a chance, but she was his only hoe. (e would try it. (e would try anything to

get his life back. %nd something was ulling, ushing him to New York $ity, but he

didn!t know why. 0t was this une"lainable force guiding him to the city. 0f this was

war, he would -ght, he said to himself as he ut invisible armor on his heart in order

to conceal it and reared to battle.

$hater J


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(e didn!t knock as he oened the door. She knew him well and wouldn!t

mind. 'hen he oened the door she was standing there ready for him, familiar, yet

di;erent) a cu of co;ee in one hand, a half lit cigarette in the other, silver gray hair

long, uneven, and knotted. She had no teeth and soft wrinkles that could have

been the ages of an unwritten book, bright red listick, ainted ink on her cheeks,

a beauty that couldn!t be seen by many but was seen by him at that moment, and a

sarkle on her skin more recious than diamonds. 0f he told her she was shining she

would tell him he was full of baloney. She wouldn!t believe she was still beautiful. (e

knew her. (e knew her chants, her love a;air with the moon, her yearning for home,

her memory, a long nightgown that was bright with every shae and color of the

rainbow on it, a big yellow bow in her hair, and ash of the cruci-" still on her

forehead.


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single candle that created shadows on the wall that seem to laugh at him. (aunting,

degrading even, he thought. 0t was a long time since he had seen her, a thousand,

maybe a thousand and a thousand years. She was always old looking even a

thousand years ago. (er skin looked like it was made of the lines of trees, like codes

no one could read, but something dee in them, there, was so old. Yet she still

danced like a -recracker, and layed the iano like she was making love to it, and

went for long walks to di;erent countries, and talked to the animals, and rayed to

the moon, who she said, ket her secrets. Nobody knew she was that old, and she

might be older, but he knew her, he knew her well, and she knew him. They have

always known each other.


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Then Troubleman feeling cra9ed took the woman by the throat and inned

her to the wall while she was still in her chair.


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Troubleman caught an annoying :y in the air, and while she was not looking,

he ut it in her co;ee. Then he went to the doors.


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cat sat by his side ?uietly and stoically, watching over him, knowing what he could

never know.

$hater

(e woke u and ast a mirror and was stunned and frightened by what he

saw. % stranger was in his body. (is skin was a dee dark brown color and his hair

was black. (is skin used to be bright blue, with yellow eyes, but now his eyes were

black as the night and his skin was the color of earth. (e tried to wash himself,

thinking it was dirt, but it didn!t come o;. (e washed again, nothing. (ow strange. 0t

was stained. (e looked again, what had he become@ 0t looked strange, strangely

dark and mysterious. 6ven his eyes were hidden, as if made to be secrets somehow>

and yet so strikingly beautiful they could cature someone and not let go. 3ig,

de-ned arms, like his own, rie chest, strong, massive shoulders, but dark skinned.

3lack and mysterious. 'here was he@ Looking at his own body strangely and

in?uisitively, this strange world around him, he didn!t know anymore. (e looked

around. There were ictures, modern art on the wall of lovers that looked fragile yet

strong, the man, the bullet that couldn!t kill him scarring his right cheek. The war

couldn!t kill him, but lost love did. 0t killed him so tragically beautifully. (er sleeing

body in his arms lost> the tears he couldn!t shed driing o; a :ower ne"t to him as

he stared at her longingly. There was death in his own eyes, so human, so sad, so

tragically beautiful. 'ho was the ainter@ 'hat did the dream mean@ The rose, the

rose in his kingdom, he remembered it) her, his unfaithful wife, the magical ower

he couldn!t have. (e got angry, enraged really. 0t was too much anger to contain in

his big body. The mirror cracked sontaneously even though he made no movement

or sound. (e looked at the mirror> it felt his thoughts. (e was lost now. (e was in

ieces. /one forever.


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There was thunder outside on a hot summer day. % curtain raidly snaed

oen, a car alarm went o; after a :ash of lightning hit it, a dog barked frantically,

the sun came in like an old lost friend and hugged his face, and the cat smiled. (e

slaed him away angrily. The cat 8umed fearfully and hid. (e hated to see anyone

smile. Their smiles disgusted and angered him so deely he thought he could

destroy them every time they laughed. (e would sla the smile o; them until they

felt his ain. (e noticed> he had not seen the sun in years. 0t ama9ed him for a

moment. Touched him. 0t looked like a rare 8ewel shimmering against the window.

7ore beautiful than a retty woman. (e ounded his -st on the table and it broke it

in half. (e threw a statue of a goddess across the room. 0t shattered, then moments

later, ieced itself together again in the air. (e shouted loud, iercing so owerful

he tumbled over and fell to the ground. % daisy bloomed right on the :oor!s wood

from the stumble. ows of wheat aeared out of nowhere in hungry war torn %frica

he never heard of. %n insired man gave a bum a hundred dollars on the street

below him. (e grabbed the daisy and tore it to ieces and threw it out the window.

0t landed whole in a middle aged woman!s hair, startling her. She grabbed it and

laughed. She was smiling all day, like it was a small miracle from heaven. The :ower

made her hay, 8ust hay. (e looked on the :oor. There was food for him already

made) eggs, bacon, and toast. (e devoured it, eating it like a beast with his hands

and mouth, letting the eggs dri on his face. 4amn that :ower and the man who

made it. (e heard young girls laughing and a baby cry downstairs in the distance

cars, screams, olice sirens, chaotic walking, uninterruted chatter that you

couldn!t understand where was he@ 0t was making him cra9y. eally cra9y. 'hose

body was he in@ 'hose world@ (e looked u. (e was in a world with a sun, he

thought. The light meant some things could not be hidden now.


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They lived in darkness for years in his kingdom, but who cared about that

now. The darkness was -ne. They were used to it. The townseole didn!t seem to

mind. The darkness hid the storm when it came. 0t hid death when it came. 0t hid

their bodies when they got weak and sick. 0t made it easier to su;er and die, 8ust

give u. 0f they en8oyed life, dying would be hard. 0t would be hard to let go of the

ocean, to say goodbye to the summer bree9e, to leave laughter or dancing, but

since they were dark and deressed all the time dying came like a sort of friend that

heled them through their troubles. (e remembered the feeling of feeling weak and

giving u once, and then he woke again surrised that the earth moved under him

and the ocean still swayed. Surrised at his own strength. Secretly, he too liked the

ocean like she did, but he would never tell her. (e ket many things from her. 0t was

when the drought came and there was no more food. (e saw a young child die

across the street. (e knew> it was death that made it all dark. 'ho was he dying for

anyway, he thought@ 'as it for them@ 'as it for me@ 'ho was this world for@

6nough nonsense. 6nough ?uestions. 1hilosohy, ?uestions that have no right to be

answered, could make a man!s head sin and burst. (e looked around the room, he

wanted to burst. (e wanted to tear o; his clothes maybe, throw the radio across the

room and smash it to ieces because the song was interruting and invading his

internal rhythm of anger and revenge. 4on!t sing anymore, don!t lay he begged.

The music is shattering me. 0t!s discordant. 0t!s invading me> -lling me with

frustration. 0 belong to the thunder, but why@ 'hy now@ 'hat would he do now@ (e

didn!t know, so he decided to take a walk. % long walk to nowhere he had ever

been.

(e was on the th :oor and 8umed out the window because he couldn!t

-gure out how to work the elevator. (e landed on his feet and hands and srang like


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a wild cat on the concrete. The eole on the street stared at him oddly and

insulted by his rudeness and ket walking. They made annoyed faces at him. (e

growled at them and they scattered, thinking him cra9y. (e walked to the corner like

a 9ombie with tunnel vision, not looking at anybody or noticing them, even though

there were thousands of eole walking on the street and traFc everywhere. (e

bumed in to at least three eole violently, walking like a bomb that would destroy

anything in its ath, and they all looked at him insulted, making nasty comments

and giving him the


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She was shy and lain looking, with a ?uiet and modest ersonality, yet she

was wearing tight, revealing, se"ual clothes that showed her breasts and legs. The

man started 8uming around mimicking hellish orgasms and his friend was laughing

at him. She -nally got u and tried to walk away while he was distracted by his own

stuidity, but her heart was ounding and it was weakening her body so much she

could barely carry it. She was scared, very scared, but she was always scared in this

world. She walked around ermanently afraid. 6verything scared her now) the rain,

a strange man on the street that wanted to talk, even the birds scared her. There

was no eace here. She was used to the abuse, used to being slaed and called

names, used to being harassed and chastised on the street now, but every day she

still hoed that one day it would 8ust miraculously sto, even though it never did.

She lifted her scared body u, :attened her dressed embarrassed by the e"osure,

and forced herself to walk forward even though she felt weak.


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%s she walked in to her small modest aartment she cursed herself for not

utting on her makeu before she went out. She couldn!t hel it. She was in a rush

to go to the bookstore. (er favorite author, osy %mor, had a book that came out

today and she couldn!t wait to read it. She had errands to run that morning new

ties for her show, ick u vodka for the wild cat that came to visit her everyday,

e"ercise, chants, and yoga, and buy se"y underwear . She didn!t have time to do it

all and get the book. 0t tyically took an hour and half to ut the makeu all over

her body. She did it every day while she went out to hide herself from the crowds,

knowing someone would say something and that she would be harassed. +ne day it

was a golden shade, another day, a rusty orange brown, another a dee black on

her skin. She sent the hour utting the make u all over her body but she learned

in this world with a sun that the sun revealed everything. She rushed out of the

house thinking her long hair would hide her if she ket it messy in her face, but then

that man knocked her over and the guys on the street saw her. 6veryone knew who

the #ueen was. /od this world was evil, she thought, but she never knew why. 6ver

since she started dancing men and women harassed and bullied her, even though

many en8oyed the show and came from all over the world to see her. 7en would

demand se" or call her a whore, but she was still unsure what she did to them.

She was DJ years old. She was in New York $ity with no friends, no family,

and no memory of anybody ever in her life. (er only friend was the cat who began

coming to her window everyday about three months ago, so she really didn!t know

much about this world. She remembered seeing a lightning storm for the -rst time

and being thrilled by it, then 8ust an ale that e"cited her even though she didn!t

know what to do with it, then an airlane overhead that knocked her over yet left

her insired. Now she became used to it all) gun shots on the street, mean eole


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that taunted you, and the thieves around her who stole her tis at work. She

thought everybody woke u one day in an unknown evil world at DJ years old and

had to guess how to survive in it. So when she saw a child on the street it left her

sad. Sad because they were so small, and this world was so tough. Sad because she

thought maybe she was a child once, somewhere, but she didn!t know where.

She ?uickly got ready for work and ut a scarf over her face to conceal

herself. 'hat a strange world it was. %s she walked down the street a woman!s skirt

:ew u over head to reveal her underwear and a man :ew ?uickly from across the

street in the air and landed under her, face u to her rivates. %n old man!s hand

started swinging uncontrollably and then slaed a woman!s ass. The woman

screamed and slaed his face. Then her hand started to moved u and down

uncontrollably and slaed his ass. Then he screamed. They looked in to each

other!s eyes, laughed, and slaed each other!s breasts hard. % young student was

walking and a woman fell from the sky and in to his arms, then they kissed without

any control over their own bodies. +ne man danced right in to a young woman!s

la. (e grabbed her breast, she grabbed his ass. (e ulled her hair> she screamed

and bit his shoulder. (e screamed> then they started fondling each other, rubbing

u and down each other!s bodies. 1eole were triing and :ying into kisses,

embraces, and fornication right on the street. 6veryone was shocked, yet

surrisingly leased. 'hat was haening@

She walked cautiously wondering, a man :ew in to her and she threw him o;

her and scurried by timidly. Then she looked to the left. The strange man who

ushed her over, the 3lack man, was acing back and forth under a tree talking to

himself. She stared, aalled. (e unched the invisible air, again and again, then

unched his own face. Then he unched the air again, and every time he unched a


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store window cracked, ten birds fell from the sky and died on the ground, or an

unsusecting woman was disrobed, humiliated, crying, and naked on the street.

(e was, she thought, a monster) tremendous and out of his mind. She

couldn!t take her eyes o; of him. (is body was controlling her, overowering her. (e

felt her stare and turned around to see her. She saw his still face) strikingly beautiful

and cativating. 0t was like a lightning storm) dangerous, fatal, and yet startling

magni-cent, but she didn!t know why. She didn!t know why he was so beautiful. (e

seemed out of lace here, like he didn!t belong, and yet nobody around her noticed

him. 'hen they did notice him, he wasn!t beautiful to them, he was a madman. (e

was e?uivalent to a bum on the street. 5gly even, with a face that scared them and

a touch that could kill. They 8umed out of the way, walked on to the other side of

the street when he assed, used nakins to touch him, and ket conversations

short. (e saw her stare and became angry. (er face was covered. The only thing he

could see was her eyes. They were -lled with a dee fright. She was telling him

something in the distance neither of them could understand. (er heart began to

ound more and more raidly. *ear was creeing u all over her body and telling her

to get out of there ?uickly. % car swerved on to the sidewalk and almost hit her. She

8umed out of the way startled. (e smiled and turned away from her, continuing to

unch the air as arts of the sky and ieces of buildings droed around them. She

was aalled, angry, and rushed to her 8ob thinking a thousand thoughts a minute.

She stoed when she saw a rainbow crowning the doors of the club. She walked

under it confused. She walked to her dressing room without telling anyone what she

saw and told herself to forget it. 0t was nothing. She sighed, wondering if she 8ust

saw what she 8ust saw. The cat was there with her dress ready in his mouth. She


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smiled, knowing now she forgot it. The cat ulled u her hair while she ut it on, but

she couldn!t get Troubleman out of her mind.

The newsaers and TM news came right away. The olice came with their

guns, but many of them were being lifted in to uninhibited fondling and kisses with

unsusecting girls. 'hen they saw Troubleman acting enraged, they thought he was

aicted too and aid him no mind. Troubleman was bo"ing a balloon in a tortuous

battle. (e would unch the evil balloon and the balloon would slam back and hit in

the face hard. The encounter was haening over and over again because

Troubleman didn!t know what the balloon was. (e unched it until Troubleman

reali9ed the balloon could not be defeated. (e had not ever seen a balloon before in

his life and he could not -gure out what it was, this enemy. This red ball of

imrisoned air that attacked him out of nowhere. 0t was beginning to really iss him

o; and he battled harder and more angrily, his face enraged and turning red even

through his dark skin, his skin sweating, but every time he unched the balloon the

balloon unched back. (e was confused, startled. 0t was so weak, weightless, and

yet it had so much strength and endurance. 'hat was it@ 'hat was it made of, he

wondered@

Nobody knew what was going on, and they were in a fren9y> running back

and forth frantically until they were lifted in to a kiss. The only eole who were not

aicted were those who stood a few feet from the ark and watched until they were

seduced too. 3oys and men alike heard about it in the newsaers and started

running for $entral 1ark from their 5town and 4owntown aartments. Lonely for

most of their lives, they were hoing to steal a kiss from a retty girl or at least get

to touch her. 'omen were crying and frantic in front of their TM!s, holding each

other u, feeling violated and outraged. 'hat was haening to New York $ity@


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0t was chaos. 3lue was turning orange and rain was becoming light. % woman

went in to a co;ee sho nearby and asked for a co;ee, light, with three sugars and

the man turned and came back with a iece of aer.


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maybe 0 should seak louder so you can hear it. This is what you ordered bitch.

Love.=

6nraged and insulted at his aggression, the woman ushed the manager o;

of her and stormed out the doors, screaming that she would never come back to

this co;ee sho again. %s she oened the doors, a man came :ying at her. She

ducked. (e landed on a woman behind her face -rst in her breasts.


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down the street. (e looked, then he looked again. 7y god. She wasn!t even human

in that form. She smiled and he saw three shar white fangs, noticed some facial

hair, and a hair tail attached to her ass. Still Troubleman thought, well, maybe. She

did have a vagina, he thought. (e could close his eyes. 4id she have a vagina@ (e

looked again, now he wasn!t sure. There was too much unsure body there. 7aybe it

was hidden.


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The chaos around them slowly sti:ed and fell to silence. 6ven the clock refused to

seak. Something in them knew something was haening, but they weren!t sure

what was haening. Something in them knew the world 8ust changed secretly, but

they weren!t sure why. They looked around, but nothing was there, not even the

song anymore. There was an overwhelming, haunting silence around them that held

them, and changed them forever.

Troubleman walked to the corner entranced, not sure of where he was. (e

turned. 6verything was cloudy, unsure. 3lue was orange. % s?uare was a heart. %

heart could not -t in to anything, not even a body. % heart was a building, the hands

that built it, the family it fed. 0t sread, sread out forever. 1ast the ocean. 1ast the

stars. 1ast understanding. *lowers were not silent. % drum was really no sound. The

thought of nothingness. The birdsong was real silence> something under it that

de-ned and held it that he could never touch. (e reached for it, the silence. (e

yearned for it. Know me, it said. Know me. 3ut he couldn!t.


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something else. Sadness. 0 don!t want you to share it with me. (oe in the

hurricane. % hurricane was somebody!s lost tragedy) their anger, their tears, their

loss. Their forgotten voice. % issed o; earth. % unch. %n in8ustice. They couldn!t

see it, but he could see it now. (e could see it all. She was gone. 0t was dark. %

cloud was an eye. The trees had eyes and answered him as he ast. %s he entered

them, they were no longer trees but ages. No longer ages, but something to

kee. % story. 0 was here. 0 heard you. 1eole were ages of a book. Not them. Not

what he ever thought. 0t was all a dream. 6vilbum. The rose. (is second wife. /one

but not gone. % dream. (e couldn!t get rid of them, even though he tried. (e

couldn!t kill, even though he tried. She was in their eyes when they looked at the

ocean. She was in their embrace. She was in them when they smiled at their child.

(e saw it, but they didn!t. She was here, here to see him. She was in them now.

6verything reminded him of her even though he tried to deny it. The memory and

chaos came back to him. They were alone. (e walked through ten thousands books

to see her) adventures, wars, horrors, romances, sicknesses, eternity, and death.

%nd there she was and all he could feel was anger. The birth of -re.

'hen they saw him ass, eole bowed their heads in honor, sadly, and

lowered their eyes. The birds followed in unison, but humbly did not sing. They were

acting as some kind of rotection for him, but they knew he didn!t need that now.

Nobody would harm him. She was there. The men standing there were acting as

rotection too, so that he would get to her. They weren!t sure where he was going,

but they knew it was imortant. The women yearned to touch him, hold him, but

didn!t. They all felt bad for him, knowing he lost his mind. They didn!t cry, but their

bodies did. Their bodies couldn!t hel it. 0t meant that hoe was lost for all of them.

0t meant more than hoe, but they couldn!t bear to seak of it. 0t was too fragile to


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touch, and they understood themselves now, they knew they were not careful. They

blamed themselves, but it wasn!t their fault. 0t confused them. 0t was never their

fault.

Troubleman stoed at the door. (is eyes were blank and he could barely feel

the bouncer sto him.


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The bouncer laughed.


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for melancholy, no rain for the sound of slee. There was nothing. No sound on

earth that revealed them. Not even anger soke. Not even the gun. Nothing.

Troubleman looked around for a seat. There were none available. There was a

lonely silent man in every seat in the room. 0t seemed so ironic. To really be nothing.


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he couldn!t


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elegantly above her head, then like ribbons in the wind, snaked them outwardly and

continued to wave them u and down. Then she moved her leg in a twirl. 0t was a

graceful movement, the making of a tornado. (er his took on the movement of the

sea and rocked u and down se"ually while the music layed. (e could see now

how her body took the shae of guitar> insired its making, he thought. (er body

took the shae of a fruit. (er dance took the shae of a fountain> there were

-recrackers in her hair. %nd she danced, summoning storm, on her toes, his riding

in and out> summoning se", summoning rain. She danced summoning heat and -re,

a 8ealous rage that destroyed the room. She danced summoning lightning, and her

whole body broke and cracked like that everywhere. She danced smooth & u and

down & in circles and cages raging and twirling and tornadoes. 0t was enlightening

and enraging & se"ual.

They weren!t things around her, the King thought. %n instrument, a fruit,

:owing water they weren!t themselves. They were her. She was hidden in all of it.

(e was telling them the whole time. This was her. This is why it was made. (er

childhood body the insiration for a violin. (er hair like wheat. (e took the black of

her eyelashes and colored co;ee with it. (e knew. She wasn!t 8ust dancing> she was

telling him who he was. (e also knew> she had no idea what she was doing.

3ringing light.

She had owers she didn!t know she had and so they were reckless.

6verywhere) misunderstood, chaotic. The music was as wild and chaotic as her, and

she broke with it. (er body was sensual and she was answering it with every

movement, :ying from one corner of the stage to the other, summoning everything

on earth to rise. 0t wasn!t 8ust a dance. 0t was as if her arms were ulling him into

her. (er body was waking hurricanes> her body was waking his body to universes he


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never knew e"isted. (e could feel in his own body his heart move, being sculted,

changing shae. (is skin was darkening to a deeer 3lack. (is legs grew and

stretched. (is hair grew unaologetically. (is hands> he looked and they were

stronger. There was a oem written there. 0t was simly beautiful. The most

beautiful thing he had ever seen, but he didn!t know why as she danced and danced

across the stage, changing him. There was a se"ual urge, and a meaning to his own

body he never knew e"isted. 0t ulled on him to cra9iness until he was dying to

release it, but he couldn!t. (e knew he couldn!t. (e had to at least ask her why her

eyes were blue when he thought they were brown. 'hy wasn!t her hair red@ (e told

himself he wasn!t a;ected.

(e looked around the room. The men looked bored and imatient. Some were

sleeing. +thers were yawning. Some were cursing in silence. They came here for

this, they comlained. They threw more bottles at her. +ne hit her on her side and

she fell. 0t made Troubleman angry. (e saw the guy who did it, got u and unched

him. The guy fell backwards, too afraid of the surrise unch to unch back. Then

Troubleman sat back in his seat. 'hen he looked u, the girl was gone.


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The writer laughed, aid for the drinks, and left. 6veryone was gone. 0t was

8ust Troubleman in the room. (e wouldn!t touch her, he said. (e simly had to ask

her a ?uestion. 'hy were her eyes blue and not brown like he thought they were@

'hy was her hair straight and brown@ The arc of her face, the curve of her tiny lis

he could still see from afar. The structure of her cheeks. /od what could a -ne line

do to a man@ 0f ut out of lace, it could change the whole icture. 0t could change

meaning. 2ust one mistake could change all of fate. (e had to ask her who she was,

and why he thought he already knew her, but he was scared. 0f he touched her,

even accidentally, she would be gone forever. 6verything would be gone forever

the aintings, the sea, light. (e would go blind. /od, how evil the writer was,

Troubleman thought angrily. Then he reali9ed, maybe this writer was his enemy.

7aybe this writer was Love. (e turned to -nd the writer who befriended him, to

beat him until he changed the terms of the story, to force him in to submission, but

he couldn!t now because he was gone forever, too. 'as that a sort of blindness as

well, to be somewhere, yet gone forever@ (ow could the writer be so evil@ (ow

could he make a dance for everyone, but not for him@ (ow could he be so cunning@

6nough with this cra9y talk, Troubleman thought, the girl was gorgeous, but not

worth the rice of his eyes. 'ould he give his dick away and never fuck again for

the sins of the world when the tragedy of man is that he can!t ever escae sin. 0t

was ridiculous, so ridiculous he started laughing hysterically out loud. (e was in the

emty club. The laughter answered him and echoed. The walls were laughing too,

the seats were laughing so hard they almost eed their ants. The bottles were

hysterical. The whole world was laughing and then he heard it she was laughing.

(e turned. Yes, it was her. The dancer.


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*rom the ground, she stood u, threw the towel at him and said,


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Sometimes, she retended to have a mother, and a father who drank vodka

on *ridays and golfed on Sundays, but that was made u. 7aybe it was all made u.

7aybe even the cherries on the trees in $entral 1ark were not there either, but

yearning for something beautiful in this mess, desiring beauty like it was some kind

of hoe she ossessed, he ainted them here now for her to sit under. %nd she was

sitting in the midst of his ainted dream. The cherries, those beautiful ink :owers)

they were evidence that something was good and beautiful in this world even in the

darkness and chaos she faced every day. Sometimes staring at them, they ulled

her out of that ainful world if only for a moment. She touched a soft branch. She

felt it. 0t was there, real, but was she@ She touched her arm and felt it ulse.

She stoed there, under the tree in $entral 1ark by the lake out of

confusion. 3ecause she was so confused in thought, she no longer knew what she

was doing. She was so :abbergasted, so lost in thought, she went down the wrong

street, made G wrong turns, and wound u under the tree comletely lost even

though her aartment was three blocks away. 0t was night still when she stoed,

and she was so lost in thought she didn!t know she stoed. She thought she was

still walking, but she wasn!t. (er thoughts were moving, but she wasn!t. The Jam

stars didn!t e"ist because she didn!t look at them, but they still hung in the sky

watching her closely, keeing all of her secrets. The hour seemed meaningless. The

world moved and changed around her and she did not move with it. Nothing on

earth is like that. Nothing stays DE years old forever. She was still herself, although

hidden under make u that hid her now. 7aybe that was why she used the makeu

as a shield, to hide her, defend her. She knew this world all too well. She

remembered years that were not there as if she was there, wars she fought alone

that did e"ist in history books, one time love with a Sanish man who never soke


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her language and how their bodies soke anyway. The Sanish man who layed the

guitar discordantly and sang into her bedroom window every night so o; key the

cats cried out for him to sto> she remembered him now. 0t was still him &

Troubleman even then calling for her, even if it was in the wrong way. She knew it.

Still, it made her laugh and she loved it even more than if the song was leasant

sounding because it made her laugh. She didn!t know why.

They once told her she couldn!t dance, and she thought,


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kee their hands on the wheel and would crash in to the car ahead of them or hit

the old lady walking across the street. 0t was so odd to her. She wasn!t used to it.

That her body was bigger than it aeared to be. The Sureme $ourt, being as

liberal as it is, deemed the law unconstitutional, because women in %merica had

human rights too. 0f a woman!s ass is e"osed and distracting asserbyes then

edestrians would have to take ersonal resonsibility and close their eyes & but

then they looked at her and saw it too. The danger) the ower in her beauty. They

told her she must cover herself u while walking down the street. They claimed her

dance was a sort of freedom of seech, only the language was in her body not on

her lis. 3ut, she didn!t fully win the case. The court did order that men be warned

before entering the bar like she was a cigarette. They had to be told of the harmful

e;ects she could have on them. 7ost men didn!t believe it, and they went inside

anyway -lled with desire and the yearning curiosity to see her for themselves. That

is when everyone started hating her. %fter the court case was made ublic her body

and face was no longer legal and so the rosecutor thought he got some kind of

8ustice for those, those, those dangerous and fatal his she was born with.

She didn!t know why she was thinking about that now, the fact that her body,

the body she was made with that she could not change, was unknowingly a danger.

She told him she was BA years old. She wasn!t sure if she was lying and didn!t mean

to lie, but that is how she felt, like an BA years old. She stoed under the tree in

$entral 1ark, the lake sitting silently beside her, but she didn!t know how she got

there. 7aybe he was a ainter and he ainted her there. 'hat led her@ She needed

slee, but she never wanted to slee again. There was so much to think about and

she yearned to live, not slee. She was thinking about Troubleman as he was


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the same ower they did when she -rst heard a man call her a


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men, B,EEE orgies@ 'as it only for a woman@ 4id it mean that her body was

valuable and she did not know it, almost like a secret 8ewel, and the more it was

touched the value of it was lessened. 'ere eole right about this@ The word, it

bothered her. This world she learned made their own rules and changed meaning

daily. 'as she someone!s ossession &and what did she mean by this@ She knew

what se" was, vividly, but never recalled having it. 0n another life, she had it with

him long ago and knew how to move her his, how to kiss, what to touch. +n a

beach, in a white room, with an oen window and glass roof that revealed the sun

and sea everywhere. She went there sometimes in her mind, but did not dare seak

of it. 'hy really, did a se"ual touch, a kiss outside of a relationshi, bother eole@

'hat, if you think about it, is really the roblem with it@ 'as it all really about love

even though they didn!t know they wanted it@ 'as the human, more than what he

or she thinks he is@ 0 mean someone could go and have an orgasm in the same way

that they are to eat a iece of cake, leasurably, but not with man and woman.

6ven though so desired, for the human se" was forbidden. %nd what was it about

the se"ual e"erience that was more than their bodies and its leasures@ 'as it

something sacred@ %lmost, unreachable, although with a soft, mysterious glance, an

unsteady touch of the -ngers, a movement of the his in dance, their bodies

reached for each other, yearning to be released.

There was a movement in the lake, a duck that slashed. She looked. There

were eole around. There is always eole around in New York, but she thought

she was alone because all she felt was the silence for hours. She didn!t see

Troubleman watching her even though he was right in front of her standing by the

lake and staring at her undistractedly. %s he watched her dream, he was catured

by all of her.


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frightening, like he was losing himself and he couldn!t hold on. She was 8ust a

woman in a crowd of a million women like her, right but she was the one. 0n his

infatuation, he -gured her di;erent, and she was, but she also wasn!t. She wanted

what they wanted too, even if it seemed she was out of lace and di;erent among

them.

She moved and the tree move synchronically with her. %s if the tree was her

shadow, it bent over onto the grass and covered her body to rotect her, knowing

she was e"osed out here in the ark, but wanted to be alone. The minutes that

ast were strange. She wondered if there were other universes in the stars, but she

wasn!t sure. She wondered if one e"erience could change the whole course of the

world an energy released that caught everybody unnoticed like a -re and she was

sure it was true. 'hat if, she thought, one man!s tragedy grabbed hold of everyone

inciting anger when there was none, causing an earth?uake somewhere and a war

somewhere else@ %n old man would 8ust feel it one day and argue with the young

girl at the grocery store over a enny, the young girl would feel it too and tell him to

they had too much time without him. Then a tormented madman on TM who

after thirty years without his wife killed a man over a dirty look on his face. Then the

thought that some women were ugly when they 8ust couldn!t be. The birds were

annoying and heat on a summer day was a nuisance. Then choosing a 8ob you hate

urosefully 8ust to have something to comlain about. $hoosing the wrong souse

8ust to have someone to argue with. $hoosing the wrong family 8ust to have

someone to blame. % woman who only talks to eole who she could argue with,

changing arguments and olitics every time someone agreed with her. % sudden


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dying one day, not of cancer or an eidemic, but of melancholy and a broken heart.

% sudden war somewhere, an angry rain storm that screamed it out but nobody

could understand even though they soke the same language too, a drunk that 8ust

does not want to be here, on earth, and why@ They felt it too, they all felt it

somehow. 0t was everywhere. Something was gone in them and it was frustrating,

tortuous. Something was missing and without it, they couldn!t be hay. 0t was

issing them o;. They charged the streets knocking down garbage ails, unching

random victims, and breaking the windows to stores because they wanted the world

to know it was gone, but nobody knew what they were saying, not even them. The

worst men were the most sensitive> they felt it deeer and more rofound than the

others who claimed life was beautiful. They walked feeling loss everywhere, the

emtiness where he should be) the loss, the torture of emtiness, and for some

reason she felt Troubleman had something to do with it. The feeling. The feeling that

we lost, we lost it all. 'e, the whole world, lost everything one day. 3ut, why@ She

didn!t know.

She sat and rubbed the grass unthinkingly like it was hair and Troubleman felt

her hands sway on his legs. Then the touch moved u his arms and he shivered. (e

could feel her, her movements, even from the distance. (is whole body softened

from the touch and he sighed. No, he thought, rela"ing into it. 3ut then, yes. (e

could, and he would. *irst, he ainted it in his mind, thinking deely for a moment,

even laughing at his own humor. ThenI

%n old man was walking ast in a hat that covered his eyes and old brown

suit that seemed to be from BQDE. (e had grey hair and gray eyes and his face

looked like crumbled aer. (e walked u to her, smiled, reached into his back and

ulled out a :ower. 0t was huge ink :ower whose erfume was still resent. 'hen


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she smelled it, she felt comletely in love for a moment. 0t was the smell of soft

skin, a distinct smell of only one man, not really a :ower, and it soothed her and

enlightened her. Suddenly, she was smiling wide and dreaming googlyeyed. 'hen

she felt it, Troubleman felt it too, and softened in his skin. 0t was like a erfect

chemical reaction and he smiled wide too, feeling the smile tickle his whole body.


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% middle aged woman wearing a blouse and a skirt walked u to her and

handed her a mirror.


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Love is very lovely Love Love everywhere. She is not 8ust love, she is double, trile

love a thousand times Love. +h, Love Love Love Love.= (e sang the same words

over and over again reeatedly and Troubleman stood shocked and stunned,

listening. The word Love enraged him and broke his soul. (e grabbed the guitar

man by the throat and demanded he tell him where she lived after she walked away.


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She was everywhere, running this town from the bottom u. This was the meaning

behind the blindness, he thought. This was why his kingdom was gone. This is why

his wife cheated on him. 7aybe she was his evil wife in disguise. /od, she was

maniulative. She moved in mysterious ways, yes, but he would -nd her out. (e

would reveal her. 3ut,


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She turned and saw him sitting.


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was a forceful ower keeing her down and locked to the wall. She couldn!t lift her

body or run to hel him.


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ama9ement, Love has returned for you, but you can!t remember her. %nd she can!t

remember you.=


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and imrisoned. So they touched the skin in secret. They kissed secretly and

cautiously in the dark. They rubbed the hair cautiously and scared so that nobody

would see them and reveal them because the touch would enrage Troubleman, the

memory of her would traumati

You Can't Tame the Wild Heart: A Fairy Tale About the King of New York

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Transcript of You Can't Tame the Wild Heart: A Fairy Tale About the King of New York