Yes We Can Newspaper April-May Issue

By Ethel Martin-Miller

Yes We Can Newspaper is a local newspaper that is reaching out and working hard to make a difference in offering information, encouragement and support to those in our community. Whether you are an entrepreneur, an employee, a homemaker, a retired individual or a member of any other group we strive to take a stand to inform you. Yes We Can Newspaper would like to build a bridge between small businesses and our

local community. The Inland Empire is a diverse group of individuals; we would like our stories and information to reflect that. We focus on keeping families close, supporting local business

and raising awareness within our local community. We are committed to recirculating our community’s resources to benefit local businesses of all sizes.

Meet the Publisher Of Yes We Can Newspaper

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As a 32 year old mother of six children ranging from late toddler to early high school I do not understand what all of this socialism buzz is about or where the deep anger toward our president stems from. President Obama, unlike many presidents, in the short time since he has been sworn in has worked diligently to keep the promises he made to the people. President Obama was sworn into office on

January 20, 2009, less than 15 months ago, yet many expect things they never seemed to expect of President Bush in his eight years in office. Maybe it was that the littlest things President George W. Bush did were a surprise since no one could honestly say he was the sharpest tool in the shed. Anyhow, our current president made a lot of promises on the campaign trail, and for probably the first time in history, when he was elected, he did not even have a temporary

memory lapse.Today, as I checked

the “Obamameter”, which tracks Obama's campaign promises, I realized just how many of them are in the works, promise kept or at least Compromised. There are very few that say promise broken but maybe since there are 500 total with most at least in the works we should wait in see or trust he talked with his staff and realized those few things would not in fact help the country. What do people think a

person could do in just over a year? To me it is ironic how so many are angered by these so-called socialist programs at the same time are using some of these programs. Programs from the Foreclosure Plan, student loan programs, Veteran's programs, government aid, Unemployment, Disability and now many will be using the “Obamacare” they all hate so much. Is caring about the people that make up our country a socialist desire? Most of

these people who are the angriest voices against our presidents plans are people who will not see the negative affects they are speaking out about. Are you an individual (not a business) who makes over $250,000 per year?Continued on Page 5

By Christie Acevedo

Obama in a Catch 22

w w w. Ye s We C a n N e w s p a p e r. c o m

In This Issue

Home Style Cooking Page 3A

Terry Thomason

Why Home Owners Should Buy Now Pg. 9A

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By Gary Martin

In today's economic climate businesses more than ever are trying to find ways to increase productivity and at the same time reduce cost. Organizations large or small can benefit from using Open Source Office solutions. Oracle known as the database behemoth acquired Sun

Microsystems earlier this year and they provide two versions of their Office Suite OpenOffice.org 3.2 which requires nothing more than a free

download from their website http://www.openoffice.orgor if you would like to purchase a commercially supported version of the software you can obtain a

copy of StarOffice 9 for $49.00 USD which includes a 5 user license. If you are familiar with Office 2000/XP/2003 you will definitely feel at home with OpenOffice.org. The benefits of using OpenOffice.org 3.2 are a large amount of supported formats, 70 supported languages and native platforms include

Mac OS X, Linux, Solaris, Windows and more. If you are looking for a easy to use Office Suite with the highest ROI, OpenOffice.org is probably your best bet.

Free Office Productivity Tools for your Business

2A www.YesWeCanNewspaper.com April/May 2010

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STAFFPublisher: Ethel Martin-Miller

Senior Editor: Gary MartinAssociate Editor: Christie Acevedo

Staff Photographer: Sharron Thompson

Contributing WritersStephanie VelezTerry Thomason

Connie BaberRhonda Daniels

Cecille PeaceGary Martin

Christie AcevedoShari Delisle, Ph.D

Yes We Can Newspaper

Letters, Articles, Personals replies and comments appearing in the Yes We Can Newspaper reflect the opinions of the writers, and do not constitute an endorsement by the Yes We Can Newspaper or staff. Yes We Can Newspaper assumes no responsibility for articles, letters or press releases and unsolicited

By Gary Martin

Smart Business owners can reduce their employee paid wireless bill by purchasing no contract wireless solutions. In the past year wireless companies have been competing for

market share in the wireless industry. The only growth sector that has had considerable gains has been the prepaid market.

Business owners now can take advantage of no contracts, unlimited anytime minutes, no

termination fees and straight forward pricing with wireless vendors such as T-Mobile, Boost Mobile, Page Plus Cellular (Verizon MVNO), StraightTalk (Verizon MVNO), Simple Mobile (T-Mobile MVNO), Virgin Mobile

USA (Sprint MVNO), MetroPCS, Net 10 Unlimited (AT&T MVNO) and other MVNO's (Network Resellers or Regional Resellers. These companies offer a variety of unlimited wireless offerings starting at

$29.99-$79.00. Handsets available

range from Ruggidized, Push to Talk to Smartphone offering. Any business that would like to take advantage of common sense savings should definitely take notice.

Small Business Owners Can Save on No Contract Wireless

By Christie Acevedo

Looking for some “Squeals, Thrills and Ferris Wheels”? The San Bernardino County fair is coming to the San Bernardino County Fairgrounds in Victorville from May 15-23, 2010. Fair hours are weekdays 4pm-11pm and weekends 12pm-11pm. There is sure to be plenty

of excitement for the whole family with 150 exhibits, 40 carnival rides, community stage events, and much more enjoyment for all ages. Pre-sale tickets are available now for the following prices: Adult (13 years old or older) $6, Seniors (55+) $4, Children (6-12) $3, children under 5 free and Wow Package Pre-sale

tickets are $15. All prices will go up by $2 if purchased after the pre-sale dates and the Wow Package tickets will double. Wow package includes: Wristband, Coupon for 2 for 1 midway game, one free popcorn and small prize. Wristbands used on Monday or Thursday include unlimited rides and all other days include

24 ride coupons. Pre-sale Tickets are available now until May 14th only. Parking is $4 for general parking or $7 for preferred parking. Looking to save some money? There will be free admission for children 12 years old or younger on May 17th and 20th. On May 19th tickets will be discounted to $4 for Adult, $3 for

Seniors (55+) and $2.50 Children’s Tickets. So load your family and friends for this once a year event, you’ll be glad you did!San Bernardino County Fairground is located at: 14800 7th Street in the City of Victorville. Main Fairground phone number is (761)951-2200

San Bernardino County Fair in town

Local DiningBy Ethel Miller

Home Kitchen is an affordable family restaurant with a comfortable, home style atmosphere and delicious food. Betty, the General Manager greets everyone with a big smile and takes pride in getting to know her customers. She appreciates each customer, treats them like

friends and enjoys knowing that many of them, have been coming back for years. The senior citizens crowd, frequent this restaurant because they understand good home style cooking at affordable prices is hard to find.Their prices can't be beat and in most cases the portions are are large

enough to take left overs home for a snack or lunch to enjoy the next day. Home Kitchen is known for their yummy carrots made with their special recipe. If you're looking for a place to have a family gathering, a party or a place to grab a nice after church meal, Home Kitchen is a great place to go.

Home Cooked Food. HomeStyle Setting

Satified Patrons walking out of Home Kitchen Restaurant giving the thumbs up sign.


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Reflections of my Black History

By Cecille PeaceWhen I was a little girl at Lexington Elementary School in South Pomona, I loved when February rolled around. This was our month. I remember my 6th grade teachers, Mrs. Spencer, Mrs. Cummings and Mr. Terrell. They would be decked out in dashikis and fix soul food for us. Afro puffs and cornrows would be worn with a renewed sense of pride. We even did a play about the life of Harriet Tubman; Moses is what they called her. Fled from slavery and went back to free over 300 slaves. We would have an assembly and Mrs. Bowser would belt out “Lift every voice and sing ‘til earth and heaven ring, ring with the harmonies of liberty…”I would sing loudly feeling every word and note leave my soul. This was our month.

This was our song. Little did I know those days would be my armor when my family moved and I changed school districts. Suddenly, I was one of a few or often the only one like me in my class. It was quite clear that the message to me was February is your month… no celebration… no recognition… barely remember even seeing a picture of Dr. King. I learned that history, like most stories has three sides - my side, the other side, and the truth. If Lexington gave me my side, this new school experience gave me the other side. I was left wondering where was the truth???

It was then that I only heard our song at church. Each word and note would now soothe the wounds left by the Black History knowledge I acquired at school during the week. You see it took me a little while to really understand that in the midst of the teacher’s

lesson

about white masters beating black slaves, there was something to be proud of. In the middle of the lesson about the white cops beating black protesters, there was something to be proud of. In the midst of the lesson about white men killing Dr. King, Medger Evers, Steve Biko, Emmett Till, freedom fighters, the lynched man, the burned man, the beaten man, the broken man, the blamed man, that there was really something to be proud of. You see it took me a little while to see that it was God’s greatness that existed in the midst of all of those lessons.

God’s greatness is the truth. 1John 4: 4 reads…Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. You see it took me a little while to see that God’s greatness existed in our ancestors. It is that greatness that has led this generation into a presidency where the leader of our nation has the given name, Barack

Husain Obama. Thank you Jesus! We no longer get a month, we get a lifetime. History is made daily and it is a story shared by us all. God’s greatness keeps me. It is untouched by the woes of the world, unblemished by the ways of the wicked, unabashed by the whims of the weak. God’s greatness can not be shaken! So, hold on Haiti! God’s greatness does not lose value! So, farewell foreclosure! God’s greatness never fails! So, be strong President Obama!

God of our weary years, God of our silent tears,Thou who hast brought us thus far on the way;Thou Who hast by Thy might, led us into the light,Keep us forever in the path, we pray.Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met Thee.Lest our hearts, drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee.

Shadowed beneath Thy hand, may we forever stand,True to our God, true to our native land.

Amen. Be blessed.

Lyrics included from James Weldon Johnson’s “Lift Every Voice and Sing” also known as the Black National Anthem


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I do not understand that people, some of who I know, could use this health care or the health care discounts are so angered by this. So many are upset that they will have to purchase health insurance and feel it is unconstitutional but at the same time, do not feel like anything is wrong with going to the emergency to get care that they can not afford to pay for and so many times walk away from. Why is protecting your health and health care system something the

government has to step in with anyway? As responsible adults, is that not our duty? Is car insurance unconstitutional? Considering the fact that there are services and programs to help the lowest income individuals and now there will be discounts for most other people who do not qualify for those programs I just do not see the problem.

Do people know for a fact they will never get cancer or some other life threatening illness? “Obamacare” will make it so you will be able to

get insured or keep your insurance, without the threat of being kicked off when you become ill. So many have lied and said it will hurt small business', it will not, what it does is encourage small business through tax breaks to offer health insurance to their employees. Large companies must provide insurance coverage, which they should have all along, or they will be penalized.

The main problem I see is that people who know nothing about these programs do not

like our president for some other personal reason. Is it that he does not look like the past presidents? Is it that he makes you feel inferior with his overwhelming intelligence? Could it be that you have no understanding of any of this but are quoting someone you look up to or think is smart? My personal knowledge in this is not that of a politician, maybe even a little dim on some of this, but I will work hard to learn more and will not speak or write about things I have absolutely no knowledge of.

Maybe if everyone gives our president a chance , or even closes their eyes for a moment if it is his “look” that bothers you altogether. We could all realize that we are very lucky to have a president that is doing what is best for our country with the little resources and huge recession his predecessors have left for him to work with.

CONTINUED FROM FRONTPAGE

By Connie Baber

My husband and I were married at an early age. Everyone said we were just too young to make it work. When I walked down the isle, I said in my heart, if it did not work, I would just get a divorce. We had children shortly after marriage. We constantly argued and many times I even took our children and left. After leaving, he would always would call and ask me to come back. We would talk it out, after talking we felt we understood the root of the problem and would try again. After reuniting our family numerous times, we realized neither

of us had really changed. Upon coming back home, the first three months were bliss, shortly after, we would revert back to our old behaviors causing us to argue and fight yet again. So I would simply leave again this nonsense went on back and forth for fifteen years.When I found Jesus, he changed me so much, that arguing and fighting stopped. I learn to let him be the head of the house. I learned to submit, which is an attitude of respect. Eph. 5: says, “For a wife to submit to her husband.” A woman cannot be submissive to God unless she is submissive to her

husband. God’s ways are not our ways, when we do it his way the results are blessings and prosperity. Deut. 28:15 says, “Doing it our way is cursed.” Gen.2:18 also states. “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. So you see, man was not made for woman, woman was made for man. Eph. 5:22 and I Peter 3:7 say “Husbands love your wives and live with them as unto the Lord, according to knowledge giving honor to her as the weaker vessel and being heirs together of the grace of life.”Marriage should be taken seriously, it takes both

parties to work on making it last. Amos 3:3 says, “How can two walk together unless they agree.” God is the author and finisher of marriage. It represents Christ and His church. As I learned and lived out these biblical truths, my husband became saved and learned to love and honor me as the weaker vessel. Now we have fulfillment, satisfaction, stability and harmony that God intended for our marriage to have. Marriage works like a lock and key, without the lock the key is useless, without the key, the lock is useless. The same principle applies to marriage, without the

husband in leadership and the wife in submission the marriage is full of frustration, disharmony and sometimes useless. If couples would take heed and obey God’s work, they would be amazed at how the peace and contentment would take place. When you first start it takes effort, but eventually it becomes very natural. Blessings and happiness will continue to follow as long as you follow him.On Dec 9th, my husband and I celebrated our 54th anniversary. We are still very much in love and enjoying the blessings of the Lord. “May God Bless All Our Marriages”.

God's Basic Design for a Successful Marriage



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Goliath stood and shouted a taunt across to the Israelites. “Why are you all coming out to fight?” hecalled. “I am the Philistine champion, but you are only the servants of Saul. Choose one man to comedown here and fight me! As soon as the Israelite army saw him, they began to run away in fright. “Haveyou seen the giant?” He comes out each day to defy Israel. When David heard this he says to thesoldier’s who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?”“Don’t worry about this Philistine,” David told Saul. “I’ll go fight him!”. “Don’t be ridiculous!” Saul

replied. “There’s no way you can fight this Philistine and possibly win! You’re only a boy, and he’s been aman of war since his youth.” But David persisted. “I have been taking care of my father’s sheep andgoats,” he said. “When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club andrescue the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. Ihave done this to both lions and bears, and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied thearmies of the living God! The Lord who rescued me from the claws of the lion and the

bear will rescueme from this Philistine!” David replied to the Philistine, “You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin,but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies—the God of the armies of Israel, whomyou have defied. Today the Lord will conquer you. So David triumphed over the Philistine with only asling and a stone. (1 SAMUEL 17 Paraphrased)This story is a wonder example of what God can do for and with someone who is facing incredible oddsin life or business. Here we see the craziest, largest person in the Philistine nation bragging about what

he is going to do to the nation of Israel. For today’s discussion, let’s call this big guy DEBT,FORECLOSURE, JOB LOSS, AND LACK OF BUSINESS. Can you imagine the heavy weight Champion of theworld standing outside your house, yelling at you and your family talking about what he is going to do toyou or anyone who steps outside the door. For many of us, we are responding to the giant just as theother soldier’s in our story did. Fearful, scared, terrified of what the future may hold.You need to know that you don't have to be afraid of the giant in your life. Just like David you can standup against your giants. Did you know that YOU ARE the TRUE CHAMPION? God is on your side. All He isasking you is to believe that He wants to fight your giant. If you are anything like David, you havealready experienced tough situations before in your life. These situations did not happen to break youdown, but they were designed to help you become a better person, a better parent, a better business

person. Remember, with God leading and directing you, the fight has already been fixed anddetermined that you will triumph over your giant. My challenge to you this month is to trust God andknow that He is able to be your guide and like Larry H. Parkers says it so well, "We (HE) will fight foryou". Stephanie Martin Velez is the Broker Owner of Champion Realtors located in San BernardinoCalifornia. Champion Realtors is a Christian Real Estate Office. They specialize in Residential Real EstateSales, Short Sales, Loan Modification and REO properties. To attend a free Short Sale or LoanModification workshop or to get a list affordable homes for sale go to www.ChampionRealtorsUSA.comor call 951-235-0470.

by Stephanie ValezYour The Real Champion


TTHHEE WWOORRDD


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HHEEAALLTTHHYY CCOOMMMMUUNNIITTYYBy Christie Acevedo

Have you been feeling ill? Having unexplained stomach problems? Many people in the United States, especially but not limited to, those of European ancestry are living with Celiac Disease. Celiac disease is an inherited, autoimmune disease in which the lining of the small intestine is damaged from eating gluten and other proteins found in wheat, barley, rye, and possibly oats. Many conditions such

as: anemia, lupus, dermatitis, lactose intolerance, miscarriage or unexplained infertility, many neurological conditions , thyroid disease, and certain types of intestinal cancer have been commonly associated with Celiac Disease. Symptoms range from person to person, and although early diagnosis is key to a successful treatment, these range of symptoms often delayed diagnosis. Gastrointestinal symptoms may include: bowel irregularities

(diarrhea, constipation, and/or floating stools), nausea or vomiting, bloating, gas, indigestion, possible change in appetite, lactose intolerance and sometimes weight loss. Other symptoms may be Anemia, bone or joint pain, depression, fatigue, growth delay in children, hair loss, irritability (or other behavioral changes), seizures, muscle cramps as well as several others. Diagnosis is made by first checking several blood test results to see if any of the results

are consistent with Celiac Disease. The next step would be an endoscopy with enteroscopy , particularly of the lower sections of the intestine. If diagnosed with Celiac Disease the good news is if caught early enough and permanent damage did not occur the prognosis is good. Treatment would require living the rest of your life gluten free. Gluten is found in a lot of the American Diet so you may want to consult with a nutritionist and always read labels. There are

several complications for delayed prognosis which may include: Autoimmune disorders, Certain types of intestinal cancer, Fractures, Osteoporosis, Infertility and Miscarriage. If you have symptoms that the doctor just can not seem to diagnose and you have more than one of the risk factors or symptoms above see a physician immediately and ask them to rule Celiac's Disease out.

Do you feel ill? Rule out Celiac's Disease

By Christie Acevedo

If you stop for a moment next time you clean your home, take the time to read the labels of your favorite household cleaners. Most of the household cleaners marketed to the public can be harmful to children, those with health problems, the elderly, family pets or even to those who are perfectly healthy. It may be hard for you to toss out your favorite

household cleaners; after all you have been dependant on them for years. Once you find the wonder of White Vinegar you will not understand why you ever paid the price for these products that may have been putting your family’s health at risk.

White Vinegar is the perfect solution to all of your cleaning needs. Vinegar could be used to clean your bathroom, your kitchen, your floors, and your laundry, get rid

of pet odors and will even to kill insects or weeds. It is also able to kill most mold, bacteria, and other household germs. Vinegar is non-toxic to animals and humans. Although vinegar does have an odor, it will dissipate within a few minutes leaving your home sparkling clean and most importantly, your family safe. If you add 1 cup per gallon of water, that solution will work perfectly for most of your

household cleaning needs. Need something to substitute for your cleanser? Add one part salt to four parts vinegar. If you have a more difficult job like removing hard water or scrubbing tile grout the job may call for straight vinegar.

The price is low; a full gallon of vinegar will likely cost about the same or even less than just one of your regular household cleaners but will typically last for

several months. So if you are looking for a way to keep your family healthy, save some money and have clean home, white vinegar is the solution for you!

Earth Friendly, Non-toxic Cleaning



FFIINNAANNCCIIAALL && LLEEGGAALLaskterryt.comBy Terry Thomason

Let’s look at this housing market and identify what is going on first. We are currently in a housing meltdown proportional to what occurred before the great depression in 1926. Average sales prices in some areas have dropped to prices we had in 2001 & 2002 and we have not seen the bottom. That said it is regional. Not all markets are being effected the same. Some locations are actually seeing prices rise because of multiple offers being placed on homes. The reason there are multiple offers on homes is lack of inventory of homes for sale with the Multiple Listing Service that Real Estate Brokers use. The fact is the supply demand curve has switched to the seller’s side. More buyers, less properties means prices go up.

For the buyer evaluating whether to by in one location or another market trends is

an important factor when deciding how much to pay for a home. Buying an over priced home in a down market isn’t such a good thing to do. Here is what I hear the most from buyers, “every time I go to submit an offer I ‘m just missing out, another offer has already been submitted and it was higher then list price”. Is this happening to you? More buyers then available properties especially in the ‘investor’ price rage of homes below $200,000 means multiple offers for the homes available. This is the price range were you’re seeing the most activity for cash offers.

Here is what Buyers Agents are getting from sellers “send us your highest and best offer”. Is this fair and legal? I’m not going to go there we just need to know how to deal with it and move on. I don’t care what anybody says but if you don’t know someone in the “game” the properties that make it too the MLS are the fruit at the top. Everything else has been

picked. BUT there are still great buys if you know what to do and you can act fast. You need to do some home work first and ask your self some questions. Do you buy a Short Sale or a Bank Owned Home called an REO?

Do you need to close fast or do you have time? How much cash do you have and if you getting a loan have you been qualified. I don’t mean some silly letter of “Pre-Approval” from a lender. Then you need to get an Agent to help you out, Buyers Agents don’t cost you a dime and you have a Pro working for you. If you’re going to these online services to find homes you will always be chasing your tail. You will miss out a greater proportion of the time because you’re not getting the best data the fastest. Oh, let me also tell you not every Agent can deliver.

Building a search criterion to insure you get everything may mean an agent has to write several scripts to get the best data the fastest every time. You need to

ask a lot of questions with the buyer agent you work with. Buyers that sat out the housing explosion that occurred between 2000 and 2007 and saved money, or if you’re a renter with a good job and good credit it just doesn’t get any better. There are plenty of great financing programs for these people. FHA loans can be obtained for less than 5.5% interest with 3.5% down and all of that can be gift money, if you hook up with a lender that knows how to do FHA loans.

Interest rates have not been this low in years. If you have good credit you can find a deal anyplace but you need to be fast and have patience. How long will this last? Who knows for sure but at least through 2010 before we actually start to see growth. It will be ten years before values get back up to what we had in 2007. The Fed will be raising interest rates this year and the buyer’s credit will be gone soon. In fact if you don’t have an offer in soon you will not be able to close in

time for the credit. Additionally you always want to buy in a down market; conversely you sell in an up market.

But if you can, you don’t buy in an increasing market you buy while the market is still dropping so you get 100% of the growth potential at the lowest interest rates. Where are we now? We are still dropping and interest rates are extremely low. That leads us back to the beginning. Now is the time to buy, get off the fence call a good lender, get a good Realtor and get busy. If you’re a renter you could be a homeowner with a mortgage interest deduction that could actually put more cash in your pocket each month. Do it now before interest rates go up. You can contact Terry Thomason at TET Consulting A Real Estate Consulting Firm (951) 243-1788 or www.AskTerryT.com

Why Home Buyers Should Buy


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Helpful Tips For Everyday Living :-)


EEVVEERRYYDDAAYY LLIIVVIINNGG

By Christie AcevedoAlthough

many of us pay enough for our homes to be able to use the Public School systems, sometimes it is just not an option or just not the best option for our children. Many parents cringe when they send their children to a school known for drugs, gangs, a poor education or other issues. Some public school teachers and staff act as if your child does not matter, like none of the children do, to them it is just a

job. Your children may not be excused or allowed to make up classroom assignments and/or homework due to illness or even hospitalization simply because it is more work for the teacher. The good news is there is hope!

There are homeschooling options out there that will still allow your child to be part of the Public School system with none of the negatives. Your child could still enjoy socialization at church,

playing city sports or doing other activities. Many parents think that would make teaching their job and sometimes, with homeschooling it is. Many schools like K-12's CAVA, California Virtual Academy, (www.k12.com/CAVA) offer Virtual, computer aided learning. They send each student free of charge, a computer, printer, books, and other supplies to facilitate their learning. These items are sent for CAVA students to use while attending

school with them. They also reimburse the monthly cost of Internet usage twice a school year. They have many electives, and offer classes from Kindergarten up to the 12th grade. The teachers are fully accredited and the school is recognized by all colleges as a public school. Live classes are done online as are most of the class assignments and testing. The teachers are available throughk-mail, their internal

email system or even by phone.

Every child is different and every situation is different. As a parent you should check into every option available and see what is best for your child. K-12's CAVA is enrolling now for the 2010-2011 school year. You could reach them for more information at: (866) 339-6790 or by email at: [email protected]

Public School In the home

By Shari Delisle, PH.D

There are many challenges facing the single parent, but few are as difficult as the decisions about dating. Balancing one's parental responsibilities with the need for a social life and companionship pose many questions such as:1. Should I date at all while my children are young:2. How will my children feel about my dating. Will my dating have a negative effect on my children?3. Should I introduce my children to the person (people) I am seeing?4. Should I include my children in my dates?5. How much should I tell my children about my social life?These questions have no easy answers for single parents. The answers are

tied to the family's values and beliefs of each individual, but there are a few guidelines that can help as answers are sought.SHOULD PARENTS DATEThe decision to date is up to each parent, but it is important to remember that parents are people too. Even very young children can relate to their parent's need for friends. Explaining the decision to date can be compared to the child's wish for friends. Parents who wish to pursue a social life can easily explain to their children that, like their children, they would enjoy having friends also. And just as their children have friends of both genders, children can easily understand that their parents also take pleasure in the company of both

male and female friends.HOW WILL MY CHILDREN BE AFFECTED BY MY DATINGChildren have differing reactions to a parents' social life outside the home. For some children, the parent's absence may prompt fear or anxiety responses. This depends, in part, on the child's feelings of security, but also how the parent explains this to the child. A parent who feels comfortable with the decision to date usually conveys this to the child and it becomes one more healthy, normal thing for mom or dad to be doing. For other children, curiosity and enthusiasm are the typical reactions to Mom or Dad's announcement that they are going out with a friend. For these children, excitement and

a positive attitude are the prevailing attitude. Frequently, the child fears that she/he are at risk for losing the parent to a boyfriend or girlfriend. These fears are easily uncovered and the best remedy is an open and candid discussion between parent and child. Often, the child is simple seeking reassurance that the place they hold in the parent's life is secure. A parental statement like, "I love you dearly and you can always count on me to be there for you. No matter how many friends I have, nothing can change the way I feel about you or make you any less important to me." These reassurances help a child feel comfortable with new people because they understand that they can't be replaced.

It is not unusual for the child in a single parent family to feel more vulnerable to loss than other children may feel. They have already experienced the separation and divorce of the parents and are susceptible to fears about future losses. This is another reason to reassure and comfort children on an ongoing basis. All children need continual affirmation, but this is particularly true for children who have coped with the break up of their parents relationship.

Dating and the Single Parent


Yes We Can Newspaper April-May Issue

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