LIBERTY UNIVERSITY

4-MAT REVIEW:

HOPE-FOCUSED MARRIAGE COUNSELING

BY EVERETT L. WORTHINGTON JR.

A PAPER SUBMITTED TO

DR SCOTT HAWKINS

FOR PACO 603

IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT

OF THE MASTERS OF DIVINITY DEGREE

BY

TODD HINE

21 JUNE 2012

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION 2

SUMMARY 2

RESPONSES 5

REFLECTION 6

APPLICATION 7

CONCLUSION 7

BIBLIOGRAPHY 8

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INTRODUCTION

As the divorce rate continues to not only remain steady but increase in the U.S. many

couples seek to find a solution to their marital problems through counseling. Often times the

counseling veers toward superficial wound dressings without truly addressing the roots of the

problems. In addition, when the root problems are identified, often times the solution alternatives

are less than amicable to one spouse. Solutions do not comes easy in many cases, but the

possibility of maintaining an even keel throughout the counseling process can be a positive one.

Giving a couple hope in the midst of trouble became the purpose of Everette L. Worthington Jr.’s

book on counseling entitled Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling.

SUMMARY

With a focus on brief marital counseling, the intent behind the book is to instill a sense of

hope within the couple throughout the counseling process. This hope is not wishful thinking but

a sense of confidence possessed by both husband and wife. Worthington presents in the first part

of his book the theory behind the rationale for brief, hope-focused marital counseling. In doing

so, he presents a justification for his approach, a justification that maintains reasonable logic.

Worthington throughout the book carries within his writing a degree of humor that baits the

reader into continuing to the next section.

The goal of the counseling experience, according to Worthington, is to keep the sessions

to a maximum number of ten sessions. (Worthington, 17) What sets this apart even further from

traditional marriage counseling is the approach itself. This brief, hope-focuses approach

maintains a goal of building a sense of hope within the couple, through which the couple will

progress rapidly during the counseling sessions into the desire to progress even further at home.

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The counseling sessions, then, become a foundation-laying opportunity from which the couple

builds once they return home. The tools used by the couple stem from the counseling sessions.

Worthington does not exclude traditional, long-term marriage counseling. Nor does he

make a distinct standard of measurement as to which couple should get brief counseling versus a

couple that should receive traditional counseling. Instead, Worthington places emphasis on the

couple’s desire. Those that seek a quick solution, expect the solution, and are willing to put to

use the solution, generally find the solution. (Worthington, 25)

With the brief, hope-focused counseling approach presented, the tools of the counseling

are presented to the reader. The first step begins with the initial contact made by the couple. This

is the opportunity through which the basis and tone of the counseling sessions will be set. It is

critical that the couple be treated as a couple about to enter counseling. During this initial

interview, it becomes important to the counselor to gain valuable insight into the couple. Since

the counseling will be brief, time is a luxury. Therefore, the counselor should present the couple

with a sufficient inventory that both parties should complete and return prior to the initial

session. This allows the counselor to review the information prior to the first visit, reducing the

amount of time required for historical information. (Worthington, 76)

The transition from theory to application flows smoothly as a result, and as a reader, the

tools suddenly become the focus of the counseling approach. In part two of the book,

Worthington presents the methods for reaching a couple and instilling a sense of hope between

them. Worthington uses what he calls “interventions” that begin with the reading of the first

assessment by the counselor. Each intervention focuses on a critical component to any marriage.

Worthington presents a total of nine areas within a marriage where an intervention should take

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place: a couple’s central beliefs and core values, the couple’s core vision, their communication,

conflict resolution, cognition, closeness, complicating factors, and commitment. (Worthington

90)

Each of these areas reflect an important areas within a marriage through which should the

marriage come up short or misaligned somehow within the area, the marriage suffers to a certain

degree. Through the evaluations, the counselor can determine to what degree an area is suffering

and put into place an intervention. The couple begins to work on the intervention at home, and

this is where the couple begins to see the hope for having a successful marriage. One strong

tangible object that brings together all the tools and the information gathered on the couple is the

written report generated by the counselor. Worthington indicates the value of this report as a

progressive recording of the couple’s growth continues provides a point of reference for the

couple later.

Each of the nine areas receives special attention by Worthington. The progressive

addressing of the nine areas seems to follow a marriage hierarchy of needs. Step by step the

counselor leads the couple through the series, concentrating on the most important areas first,

and then moving on to the supporting areas. Once all the areas have been sufficiently addressed

the couple progresses into a commencement session that acts exactly as it sounds. Worthington

desires to see the couple graduate from the counseling and step out into a life of independence as

a marriage couple. (Worthington 254) The graduation promotes this successful conclusion to the

counseling and a transition by the couple into a mature ability to manage their respective

marriage on their own. This is the time when Worthington would present the Joshua Memorial.

(Worthington 256)

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RESPONSES

As I read through Worthington’s book, I found myself reflecting on previous counseling

sessions that did not go well. In my last assessment I recorded what not to do from the

perspective of being a spouse. Worthington presented all the ways in which the counselors my

former wife and I sought failed miserably. It became clear not only as I read the book but even

then during the counseling sessions themselves the lack of training each counselor possessed.

Each one contributed to the failure of the marriage in their own special way. Each one could

have saved the marriage with the tools presented in Worthington’s book.

I was especially taken back during one session where the assault leveled against me by

my wife not only was allowed, but seemingly encouraged by the counselor. My helpless state

resulted in a shut-down. She had written a significantly long letter to me that contained a never-

ending stream of insults and condemnations. She provided this letter to the counselor, whom

upon concluding his reading of the letter, complimented her on her ability to write. I knew at that

moment that the counseling session would never be balanced.

Even our pre-marital counseling set the marriage up for failure. The counselor this time

was actually a long-time friend of mine and a staff pastor. Having already had more than a few

years of pastoring a church, I trusted his judgment. Later, after the counseling was over and the

troubles of the marriage began, I became witness to where he went wrong. Worthington’s

approach confirmed it once again through his use of inventories.

The pastor knew me, but he knew nothing of my betrothed. Without gathering any

information on her, he counseled us. His words to me were “You have no right to expect

anything from your wife, and you are responsible for everything that happens in the marriage.”

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Those statements not being the focus for this paragraph, if he knew her past, he would not have

made those statements, for in saying those things to me in front of her, he actually set her free to

act as she pleased at any given time she pleased. I was simply not wise enough to see it either.

Worthington’s approach can also be applied to pre-marital counseling.

REFLECTION

Worthington’s chapter on conflict resolution touched base heavily. My wife is a cop by

nature, a juvenile probation officer by profession. She is degreed in criminal justice and

maintains over ten years of experience in law enforcement. Her husband is an Army officer with

fifteen years active federal service including a deployment to Iraq. When these two professions

are in conflict, there is no candle but a bonfire of heat and tempers. Thankfully, these times have

only occurred twice and the conclusion of the two led us to put into practice many of

Worthington’s practical skills to keep from letting ourselves experience such events.

As a married couple with more than a few years living together, we know each other’s

buttons. Worthington refers to this concept as triggering, but the principle is the same.

(Worthington, 176) Since we know the potential outcome of backing a spouse into a corner, we

choose to keep the pathway open for escape where any topic can be addressed openly. We do our

best to avoid mutual traps as well, and if one is struck, similar to hitting a landmine, the air is

quickly cleared through an objective observance of a miscommunication. Also, we make every

effort to make it clear that we are not making statement to hurt the other person, thereby making

it personal. Our comments, if taken personally, are questioned and the matter cleared

immediately. Our toughest area to remain vigilant has been dealing with our respective

daughters, since we both have daughters from different spouses.

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APPLICATION

The application of this book is most likely going to come in the form of being used

within the context of my ministry. The failures I identified in the counselors listed above bring

my full attention to the gravity of providing marital counseling. My failure as a counselor could

ultimately result in the failure of a marriage. This takes a heavy toll on my conscience.

Worthington provides a positive approach to individual situations that generally

speaking, can become volatile if not handled properly and with care. Maintaining a positive

attitude through the providing of hope within a marriage promises the greatest probability of

successful marital counseling. Worthington has ensured his book comes complete with a vast

amount of resources and samples from which any practicing counselor can utilize.

Further, as I near the end of my degree plan the necessity to return to the workplace

looms over me. My wife has carried the primary burden of our finances for the past year but

returning to work is going to present new challenges for both of us. We have grown accustomed

to my lack of income and the change, though good, will still be a change that we will need to

adjust to. The tools presented in Worthington’s book will aid us both in adapting to the changes

that are about to occur.

CONCLUSION

Not only is this a book for counselors or graduate students but Worthington presents

material that could benefit anyone in a counseling role. It could be argued that anyone in a

marriage would benefit from this book. The principles are clearly written, easily understood, and

the interventions can be put into place by the reader. It is a practical, logical and reasonable

resource for marriages and for marriage counseling.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

Worthington, E. Hope-focused marriage counseling: A guide to brief therapy. Downers Grove:

InterVarsity Press, 2005.

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