Why Meetings MatterMore for Women

Kirsten LongneckerAugust 2014

Agenda• Labeling exercise & discussion• Meetings are important• How we differ• Pre-meeting strategies• On-entry strategies• In-meeting strategies• Take-aways

Labeling Exercise

• This activity requires milling about• Take 1 label & 1 sheet of sticker dots• Stick the label to your neighbor’s back• Use your sticker dots to vote whether you

think the statement is most likely from:Woman = Green

Man = PurpleEither = Yellow

“I spent my first semester listening quietly to them.I failed to speak up. I still cannot explain

why I never said anything.”

– Masooma Javaid,on being in a law class that was 60% male

“I can’t go in there with exposed arms.What would he think of me?”

– female lawyer to her personal coach, on why she put on a sweater before meeting with a male judge

“That’s just how it is around here.”

– female Amazon employee, in response to another woman’s complaint about a male coworker’s habit of

interrupting everyone in meetings

“Women are often either quiet or tentative or they pipe up at the wrong moment, and it sounds more

like noise to some of us.”

– male CEO

“Women like to talk. Some studies show we talk more than men. So why is it that when we sit at the

meeting table...we go mute?”

– Ora Shtull, executive coach

Are Meetings Important?

• Place where business reputations are made or lost

• Open doors– In first decade of career, employees rise based

on individual contributions– Women’s earning ability grows/declines based

on:• Financial performance of their team/program• Ability to gain active sponsorship of at least one C-

level executive

3 Ways Men & Women Differ

1. Asserting a Point of View2. Expressing Emotion3. Dealing with Interpersonal Conflict

Asserting a Point of View

• 37% of male execs and 27% of female execs said women need to articulate a stronger POV

• Men think women are less successful communicating their perspective because they don’t present facts and get off topic.

• Women think it’s about timing of remarks and packaging up ideas – that men talk early and often, and restate what others say.

Expressing Emotion

• Women struggle with how to use emotion in right doses.

• Men wish women would use emotion more strategically.

• “Passionate” can be viewed very differently – Key tool for persuasion– Men don’t have run the same risk expressing

passion or anger at work

Maneuvering Conflict

• Conflict paralysis – hard for women to find their voice when emotions are charged up

• Empathetic response may be seen as diluting a woman’s power

• Lack of confidence can hinder women’s ability to respond assertively

• Assertive reactions may appear defensive from women

Pre-Meeting Strategies for Women

• Connect with other team members informally– Test ideas– Gauge support– Clarify difference between the stated and the real

purpose of the meeting• Prepare to talk (not to present)– Informal, off the cuff can be rehearsed

On-Entry Strategies for Women

• Arrive early, stay late – engage in small talk• Sit at the end of the table when you’re the leader• Sit in the middle to indicate you’re part of the team

In-Meeting Strategies for Women

• Speak early, and lead with an insight or thought provoking question

• Don’t multi-task• Focus on targeted outcomes and specifics• Advance the discussion• Don’t end sentences as if they’re questions• Ask what others think, not what they feel• If emotional, remain present, stick to the point, keep

conversation constructive, don’t take it personally• Use “muscular” language

Strategies for Men

• Realize the stakes are higher for women, especially in meetings with high-male ratios

• Be a supportive peer• Be a role model• Pull women into conversation – Ask direct questions

• If woman is your direct report, provide feedback on meeting performance

Advice for All of Us

• Trust your instincts more, and act on them faster.

• You can’t direct the spotlight on an issue if you don’t have the spotlight; can’t have the spotlight if you don’t take it.

• Assertiveness gets easier with practice.• Confidence is a set of behaviors you can

improve over time.