WHY I WRITE ABOUT THE TOUGH STUFF

BETH FEHLBAUM

THE TOUGH STUFF IS ROOTED IN TRUTHI wrote my first book, Courage in Patience, as a therapeutic assignment.

    I was inspired to write this story by my own recovery from childhood sexual abuse. In the process of working through my own grief, disbelief, and anger, I was writing poems and short stories, and sharing them with my (long-suffering) therapist. One day, he suggested that I try writing a novel.

     It took me about four months of starting and stopping, always ending up in the same place: stuck inside myself-- until one day I became so sick of the scenery that I decided to try to imagine what it would have been like if I had been able to get out of the abusive situation I was in at age 15-- instead of remaining in it much longer. What if a young girl in that situation had a father who had allowed his own shame at being a lousy dad to keep him away for her entire life, as Ashley's father, David does? AND- what if he was able to come through for her in a way he never thought he could, when she needed him the most?

In the process of knocking down the walls I had built around myself,  I found Ashley Nicole Asher, age 15, and Patience, Texas, a tiny East Texas town populated with people who can be found anywhere, dealing with the same problems that all people must face, whether they want to admit it or not.

How my own life relates to the themes in Hope*I was sexually abused from age 8 to 14, when I told my mother that my stepfather had been molesting me. He had always threatened to leave her if I told, and that I would have to tell her why he left. She did not act on my outcry. He did not leave.

*I was a quirky, awkward kid, probably because of the guilt and shame I felt about my body and what was happening every night when my stepdad sneaked into my room. I was bullied and teased at school. I used the memory of being in that position and my experience as a teacher and seeing how children ostracize each other to create the situations in the book.

* I contemplated suicide many times throughout my teen years and during the darkest days of recovery. See me reading a letter to my teen self in this video.

* I would often scratch my scalp and drag my nails up my inner arms when I was angry. I also pulled my own hair . I did not, however, scratch myself as much or as often as Ashley does. I developed a binge-eating/bulimia disorder in my teens, and continued practicing it until I went into recovery at age 38. I still struggle with it, much as any person with a serious disorder does. Self-mutilation and eating disorders are very common in victims of sexual abuse.

* The first year I taught, I had a student named Krystle. She made such an impression on me that I never forgot her. We reconnected when she was 24, and it was through talking to her about her experiences as a gay teen in a small town that the character of Krystle “K.C.” Williamson was born.

 ·      Sexual abuse is devastating to the victim and has long-term effects.

·         Intolerance of others’ differences causes people to be isolated. 

·         It is difficult but not impossible to overcome early trauma in our lives.  Suicide and suicide ideation are ways that people in pain sometimes use to try to cope, but there are positive alternatives. 

·         It is common for victims of sexual abuse to practice self-harm, but there are positive choices for coping.

·         Gay and lesbian issues often have generational reactions.

BASIC THEMES IN HOPE IN PATIENCE

THE PATIENCE TRILOGY When I finished writing COURAGE IN PATIENCE, I thought I was finished with the story. But, as my therapist pointed out, I wasn’t. Ashley (and I) still hadn’t accepted what had happened in the past.

This is how HOPE IN PATIENCE came to be. This time, unlike with the first book, when I wrote the last sentence of the novel, I knew that Ashley’s story was not finished.

BUT-

I, as a person, was not yet in the place I needed to be– that place of letting go of the hope I’d held out that my mother would come around—to be able to jump into writing the end of the story. I needed to be able to face what I had feared the most, which is that no matter how hard I worked in therapy, it was possible that my mom would never evolve into believing, “Hey, I need my daughter in my life, and I’m willing to go through the painful journey it will be in order to own my part in this.”

SO-

I did not write TRUTH IN PATIENCE, the last book in THE PATIENCE TRILOGY, until I was ready to face that reality—or at least get as close to it as I could. Writing TRUTH IN PATIENCE helped me get to that place. You can read Chapter 1, here.

Read synopses for all 3 books.

RESPONSES TO THE PATIENCE BOOKSHope in Patience:

"The author is to be applauded for her courageous and accurate portrayal of the many small steps that lead toward psychological healing. It is Ashley's friendships with other 'misfits' that help Ashley understand that she, too, deserves love. This book will open hearts and might well save lives.“

- School Library Journal

“...Ashley will have readers rooting for her.“

-- Publisher's Weekly

Hope in Patience is a 2011 YALSA Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers .

Courage in Patience:

"..Ashley's self-destructive tendencies, conflicted feelings and struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder read authentically.."

--Publisher’s Weekly

“This hard-hitting but readable story about an infinitely troubling subject will resonate with all readers but especially with other survivors of abuse or with those who work with those survivors. “

--Booklist

YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERING, AS MOST PEOPLE DO: WHAT WAS MY MOM’S RESPONSE TO THE PATIENCE BOOKS? WHERE IS OUR RELATIONSHIP TODAY?

What I know is second-hand:

I’ve heard that she is aware of the books, and that she was horrified that people know that she is my mom. That was when the first book came out.

Where are we today? From the moment I entered therapy in 2004, she wanted nothing more to do with me. Acknowledging the truth of what went on under her roof is too much for her to do, I think.

In nearly 9 years’ time, nothing has changed. I reached out to her around her 70th birthday several months ago, because I could not imagine being 70 and alone (my stepdad died in an accident 3 years ago), and I hoped we might finally able to talk honestly about the past.

BUT- she indicated through a family member that she is still completely unwilling to discuss the past.

I am unwilling to pretend that it does not exist, because I CAN’T DO THAT (!)

So, we are still estranged. BUT: I survive quite nicely without people in my life who ask me to be inauthentic.

SO…WHY NO RESPONSES TO TRUTH IN PATIENCE? A SITUATION THAT CAN BEST BE DESCRIBED AS A COMPLETE DRAG:

The very day that I was readying the manuscript for TRUTH IN PATIENCE to be sent to my editor at WestSide Books, I received an email notifying me that the company was for sale and would not be acquiring any more books.

This development was not unlike the situation with Kunati Books, the publisher of COURAGE IN PATIENCE, who likewise went out of business within the first year of the book’s release.

In preparation for my agent to pitch THE PATIENCE TRILOGY to a new publisher, I revised COURAGE IN PATIENCE, using what I learned throughout the revising/editing process for HOPE IN PATIENCE. I cut 10,000 words and 40 pages, making my writing tighter and streamlining the style to be more in line with that of HOPE and TRUTH. That’s why, if you read the 1st edition of COURAGE IN PATIENCE, you’ll find it much wordier and less polished than HOPE IN PATIENCE. Evelyn Fazio, my editor at WestSide Books, taught me a lot about tightening my writing.

THE STATUS OF THE PATIENCE TRILOGY: IN SPITE OF OUR BEST EFFORTS…

We could not find a buyer for a Trilogy with 2 previously released books which had had very little publisher support and so-so sales.

…FORTUNATELY…(that’s one way of looking at it!)…in addition to the challenges I face as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I also have BINGE EATING DISORDER-- and I wanted to write a book to explore a character with B.E.D. whose identity, and the way that others perceive her, are primarily tied up in her appearance. Why? Because a variety of causes in my life collided, causing me to regain about ½ of the 100 pounds I lost when I was in therapy—even though I have not resumed my Binge Eating habits. I kept bumping up against the question: has my worth decreased just because I’m not a size 6 any more? I believe that other people’s worthiness does not increase or decrease because of their size– so why do I believe that MINE does?

That’s why any copies of COURAGE IN PATIENCE and HOPE IN PATIENCE that you can find are mostly sold by private sellers, ( i.e. Amazon Marketplace.) Private sellers are where Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. find the copies that THEY list for sell. I make no $ off any copies that are sold now, unless people buy HOPE IN PATIENCE directly from me (and I have less than 50 copies left).

EXPLORING THAT QUESTION OF WORTH LED TO THE BIRTH OF MY NEWEST NOVEL, BIG FAT DISASTER. Fortunately, Big Fat Disaster sold, and will be published in March, 2014! This was in Publisher’s Marketplace:

"Beth Fehlbaum's BIG FAT DISASTER, In which a very overweight teen girl moves with her too-perfect mother and sisters to a small, and small-minded, East Texas town after her father's disgrace and arrest, and must struggle to find self-acceptance, strength and forgiveness following a family tragedy she realizes she caused by her own suicidal ideations, to Jacquelyn Mitchard at Merit Press, in a nice deal, for publication in March 2014, by Gina Panettieri at Talcott Notch Literary Services (World)."

HELPFUL RESOURCES:

•  Official Book Trailer for Hope in Patience

• Reader-made book trailer # 1

• Reader-made book trailer # 2

• Reader-made book trailer # 3

• Reader-made book trailer # 4

• Video of me reading a Dear Teen Me letter

• My website, Beth Fehlbaum Books

• YA of Merit, a website I created for Merit Press authors

• Teacher-Librarian Resources, including Teaching Guide(s)

• Media & Interviews

• Contact Me link

• Facebook

• Beth Fehlbaum Twitter

• YA of Merit Twitter

• Saturday SHOUT OUT! for Librarians, Teachers, Bloggers

• Reviews of The Patience Trilogy

• Reviews of Big Fat Disaster