[Welcome; Introduce myself]

This presentation is about how to tell your unique story in your college applications.

Workshop will be divided into three parts:

1. Telling your complete story

2. Four essential essay strategies

3. Activity at the end with sample essays

Rather than looking at the application as a series of questions to be answered,

approach the app as a place to present your story. Your response to every

question presents an opportunity for you to explain your background and story.

Before you start, decide on the overall impression you want to give the reader about

yourself. What do you want them to take away from reading your application? Make

sure your story is clear and coherent. Don’t assume that the reader will fill in the

blanks. The QuestBridge application has plenty of “additional information” sections

– be sure to use those!

You can use each of these spaces to tell your complete story.

1. Personal information

2. Academic information

3. Teacher and counselor recommendations

4. Extracurricular activities

5. Biographic essay & short essays

Here are two students who have entered all of the required information into the

application.

• It looks like both applicants have been successful high school students, with

strong GPAs and competitive SAT scores and extracurricular involvement.

• Which one would you admit? This would be a difficult decision.

How could the applicants make your decision easier?

• What would you want to help you with this decision? (Discuss)

• Would be helpful to have more information about the two applicants!

Let’s look at these two applicants in another way.

Applicant A has kept the same application, while applicant B has included more

information about himself through all sections of the application

• Rather than looking at the application as a series of questions to answer, think

about what you want to communicate about yourself.

• Find opportunities in the application to provide a complete picture of yourself and

your background/circumstances.

• Responsibilities at home

• Activities outside of school

• Academic advantages or disadvantages

• Lack of resources or support

• QuestBridge application tries to specifically ask for all of this possible additional

information (“etc.”), but even then you must make an effort to ensure all of your

“etc.” is included. This is even more important when you are filling out other

applications.

• List part-time job(s) and other family obligations under extracurricular activities. This is

especially important if your responsibilities have resulted in a lack of traditional

extracurriculars.

• Use the essay and short answer sections to write about things that are important to you

and that make you different from other applicants.

Real people read your essays, and they will think carefully about what you’ve

written and how you’ve written it.

The essays are important because you can really show who you are, and this is an

important factor in admissions decisions.

1. Your essay is a very important part of your application.

• Your grades and test scores are largely set at this point, but you have

complete control over your essays and can use it to complete the picture

of your application.

• It is so important to put your application in context. Think of the other

parts of your application (home address, grades, activities, scores,

interests) as dots. Use your essay to provide new information that

doesn’t get covered in other parts of your application, and if there are

multiple essays or short answers communicate different information in

each. Connect some of those dots so you look more like a complete,

real person. That makes you both more impressive and more

memorable.

• You also want to show that you can succeed in college by demonstrating

progress, achievement, and potential, and by displaying your strong

writing skills.

2. Your essay is a place to show your unique achievements.

• The personal statement is especially important for low-income students because

their stories often don’t fit the mold that most applications are designed for.

• For example, if you took remedial English in 10th grade but honors English in 11th

grade, that might look a little strange and unimpressive. It might seem like you

were slacking off and only started applying yourself because you realized that the

time for college applications was approaching -- unless you explain that you

moved to the US in 9th grade and had never spoken English before! That’s a

dramatic example, but think about the context you might provide -- show what you

have overcome, to make your accomplishments all the more impressive.

3. Your essay is a place to showcase your intellectual curiosity and interests.

• Top colleges want students on their campus who have a genuine love of learning

and are dedicated to expanding their knowledge, both in and out of the

classroom.

• Applicants can write about how they have sought out opportunities to further their

interests, whether it is by joining a research lab, attending workshops,

volunteering at community organizations, or organizing a group of friends after-

school to continue a class discussion.

4. The essay is a place you can show the reader how certain circumstances or obstacles

have shaped you.

• Applicants to top colleges are disproportionately from upper income backgrounds,

so comparatively lower income students can use the essay to talk about their

different experiences.

• An example might be if you haven’t participated in traditional extracurricular

activities (sports, clubs, community service, etc) because you have spent your

time outside of school helping out at home. Maybe you have to care for your

younger siblings while your parents are at work. Or maybe you have a job after

school because you help earn money for the household. This is the type of

information that would show an admissions officer about your life and

responsibilities.

By the end of your essay, you want admissions officers to feel like they’ve met you.

Now that we’ve discussed your broad goals for your essay, let’s look at some

specific tips for making it strong.

• In order to stand out from the many other applications admissions officers are

reading, choose a topic that only you can write about. It should reflect your

unique life experiences. If you succeed in doing this, you should meet your goal

of standing out from the crowd, because who else can write about a topic that

only you can write about?

• Focus on a particular experience or circumstance that illustrates who you are.

Don’t try to tell your life story -- you can’t do it in one essay. For example, an

applicant wrote about how she had spent her whole life in a small, rural town.

She had never traveled more than 60 miles away from home. She loved to read

and spent lots of spare time reading books about different parts of the world.

She described how she “traveled” and discovered the world by reading.

So how can you choose the perfect topic for your essay?

Try following these three steps. Keep in mind that this is just an example of how

you can brainstorm a topic for your essay– if there is another process that works

best for you, by all means, use that technique.

Step 1: Think of a broad topic.

So begin by thinking of a broad topic that immediately comes to mind when you’re

thinking which parts of your life your believe have been particularly influential. Let’s

say for this example, that the student writes down family– that’s a really broad topic.

Again, we’re starting with something very general here, so we're going to get more

specific in step 2.

Step 2: Specify a circumstance related to your broad topic.

Now you should specify a circumstance about the broad topic that makes it stand

out to you. In this example, we're going to say that this student lives in a single

parent household.

But this is still a very general idea, and at this point, the student needs to find

specific examples to really make his/her unique story shine through.

Step 3: Hone in on a unique point.

To hone in on a unique point, ask yourself: "How did this topic/circumstance helped me

grow?" Use the answer to that question to go into greater detail about your circumstance and

really hone in on your unique point. Add descriptive details wherever appropriate.

In this example, maybe the student wants to say that living in a single parent household has

given him/her greater independence because his/her mom has to work long hours. Because

of this, he/she had to learn how to cook for himself/herself and his/her siblings with a limited

budget.

• Remember that no matter what the prompt asks you to discuss, the essay needs to be

about YOU. Once you’ve finished a draft, a good rule of thumb is to check that your essay

is about you: write a one-sentence summary of your essay. YOU should be the subject.

• Now, we’re going to do a quick writing activity. Please turn to the “College Essay

Brainstorming” worksheet in your binder or a clean piece of paper in your binder. Take a

few minutes and jot down ideas for essay topics you could write about based on these

ideas. [Ask if anyone wants to share their Broad Topic, Circumstance, and/or Unique

Point].

• Next, I want to offer a few warnings about essay topics. First, I want to let you know about

some over-used topics.

• These are not necessarily bad topics – but they really are common. You may still

choose to write on one of these topics, but please know that admissions officers

will hold your essay to a higher standard of excellence and originality. It is harder

for you to achieve the overall goal of standing out from the crowd and will be

easier for the reader to “zone out.”

• A few particular notes:

• Big issue: These topics often fail to communicate anything unique about

you. You should write about something that you have experienced first-

hand in order to achieve the level of detail and candor that makes a

great essay.

• Tales of my success, academic risk. Admissions officers have already

seen your transcript and you activities list. However, you may want to

choose one of your activities or achievements and explore it more

deeply.

• Trips are commonly written about -- in particular, mission trips to

developing countries. These can be really well-written essays about how

a new country opened your eyes to different cultures and ways of life,

but keep in mind that a lot of other applicants are writing about the same

thing, just replace the destination. If this was truly transformative for you,

try to pick something very specific about the experience to illustrate who

you are, not just the more clichéd statements. Try to turn it on its head a little and

find a different way to talk about it. Always bring the focus of the topic back to you,

rather than focusing too much on the different culture.

• *Don’t feel embarrassed if you wrote on one these topics for your application. That’s why

they’re common topics -- just try to think of a new topic for your college essay, or a new

way to write about one of these topics.

Remember – you should be using the essay to show us what’s important to you and

how that has shaped you.

As you are brainstorming, consider these three questions on the screen. Are there

any that stand out to you? If so, how can you incorporate those ideas into your

essay? Remember, you don’t have to write about just one thing, nor do you have to

write about all of the ideas that come to your mind. Highlight what’s important to you

and best tells your unique story.

If a particular challenge has played an influential role in your life, feel comfortable

sharing that context in your essay.

• You have a unique story to tell – one that is very different from the typical

college applicant at these top colleges. You shouldn’t be afraid to show

your ability to overcome obstacles, if that’s part of your story. Some

examples of challenges include:

• You bear an unusual amount of responsibility in your

household (e.g., caring for younger siblings).

• You help to pay rent or household bills.

• You commute a long distance to attend a better school.

• If you haven’t written this type of essay before, you might not be used to

sharing personal details in your writing. You don’t have to share anything you don’t

want to, but know that what you do share simply helps us understand you and your

achievements better.

• While admissions officers want to hear about the challenges that have shaped you,

it is very important to show how your positive thinking and drive have allowed you

to succeed.

You should make sure that the essay reflects what’s important to you.

Although it’s important to share details from your background, you want to make

sure that you demonstrate emotional maturity while doing so. Show how you've

grown from your experience rather than place blame or show anger. This shows

you can work through a challenge.

No matter what your topic is, but particularly if you choose to write about obstacles

in your life, use a mature, composed tone.

1. Be aware of your tone, no matter what topic you choose; try to avoid using

overly negative or critical language.

2. If you write about something that is personally painful, move your statement in a

positive direction to show that you have learned from your challenges.

3. Try to show the reader that your inner strength and growth outweigh any

frustration or anger.

• You don’t need to write a happy essay or be glad of any extreme hardships, but

try to end your statement on a hopeful note. You don’t want the admissions

officer to finish reading your essay feeling concerned about you; instead, you

want to show them that you’re a positive thinker and are prepared to handle the

challenge of college.

• If you worry that you’re not going to be able to write about a particular topic with

a mature tone, or show that you have internally resolved and recovered from any

related issues, that’s fine, but you may want to choose a different topic.

You don’t need to have experienced something personally difficult to write an essay

that stands out and completes the picture. You might want to write about your

interests instead of, or in addition to, your personal background. If you do so, try to

focus on your academic passions and extracurricular activities as much as on your

future career goals. You want to show that you’re intellectually engaged – so when

you’re talking about your passions, think about how you can showcase your

intellectual spark.

Also, remember that it is far more powerful to “show” something about yourself

through a memorable story than to simply “tell” the reader. We’ll show some

examples of this in the following slides.

This example on the left is often called the “utilitarian approach.” “Utilitarian” means

that you are stressing the usefulness and practicality of your education (i.e. how

your degree will help you in your future career). While all of these goals are

admirable, this is not always the wisest approach to the personal statement.

Colleges don’t want to think that you see them just as a stepping stone on your path

to your career of choice, or on your way to doing good.

In this example on the left, the student is simply telling the reader of his interest in

medicine, rather than showing the passion through a more vivid description.

This approach on the right is stronger for a number of reasons:

A top college will give you a liberal arts education. A liberal arts education allows

you to explore many different academic areas and prepares you to pursue multiple

careers paths. It aims to make you a well-rounded person with strong critical

thinking skills. This is in contrast to a vocational education, which gives you a

specific skill set for a specific job. Remember that you are applying for college not a

job. The college is looking for students who are academically engaged and

passionate about learning and who will contribute to a vibrant campus community.

Colleges don’t want to be viewed as a stepping stone to your future job.

Though it is certainly noble to want to become a doctor/lawyer/engineer/etc. in order to

support your family financially, this explanation for your career interests does not show us

why it is your passion. Colleges are a place of learning and growing and contributing to

community. So, while you write about what you hope to get out of college, consider also

writing about what you will be able to contribute to that community.

Finally, this is also a very common essay topic, so it will be more difficult for you to achieve

the goal of standing out from the crowd.

Before you begin writing:

1. Divide your thoughts into coherent paragraphs. (Note: it doesn’t have to be the

standard 5 paragraph essay.)

While you are writing:

1. Read drafts aloud to yourself.

• Helps you find typos, also helps you come up with subtle

improvements, like varying sentence structure. Also the best way to

imagine how the essay will sound when the admissions officer reads it.

2. Capitalize the pronoun “I”.

• You don’t want your essay to look like a text message! If you don’t use

proper capitalization (including the pronoun “I”) it will immediately give

the admissions officer the impression that you didn’t put much effort into

your essay.

3. Use natural sounding-words.

• Go easy on the thesaurus. Don’t deliberately use big words when

simpler ones will suffice. This will NOT impress the admissions

committee.

4. Similarly, avoid using cliché phrases.

• Admissions officers are reading hundreds of essays – they get tired of

hearing the same thing over and over.

After you have finished writing:

1. Ask friends, parents, and teachers to read your essay.

• You should do this once you have a version you’re happy with. If you need to,

don’t be afraid to completely re-write your essay after you’ve gotten feedback! It

takes many drafts to get to the final version.

2. Avoid editing out your unique voice as you revise.

• Before you submit the final draft of your essay with your application, consider

having someone read your essay to make sure it still sounds like you. By “voice,”

we mean your style, your personality.

And finally, if all of this seems a little bit overwhelming, don’t worry. This isn’t easy

for most people. You probably don’t have much experience with this type of writing.

But you have tried it once – remember, you wrote a personal statement for the

College Prep Scholars Program application! And you can do a great job.

As you move forward, here are some things you can do to make sure you have the

best essay possible.

1. Start seeking inspiration now.

• Allow yourself to do your very best (do justice to your grades and test

scores) by starting early. Give yourself plenty of time to come up with an

idea -- inspiration doesn’t always strike when you want it to. Be prepared

with a pen and paper! Also, remember that you will have several essays

to write, and each will need to complete a different part of your picture

(draw more lines connecting the dots), so allocate time for that.

2. Leave time for multiple drafts.

• Good writing takes time! After you’ve found an idea, it will still take time

to get your essay to it’s final form. Make sure to start early – yes, during

the summer! – to give yourself enough time to produce your best work.

3. Ask teachers for their feedback.

• People who have supported you this far and watched you succeed will

be excited to help you on this final step!

• You can also ask different people for help for different reasons (voice, typos, etc.)

1. Let your voice shine through.

• This can be a long process, but at the end of the day, you want to be sure that

this is still your own unique essay, with your own voice.

Any questions?

Okay, now we’re going to look at a few sample essays together…

Read sample essays. Write a one-sentence summary. Strategize ways to improve.