Vol. 10, Issue 2 March 8, 2011 (Happy Mardi Gras!)

(Good for your bladder.)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

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Quote of the Week

The Ramdiculous Accords: A True Story By Top Editor and Minion

Today we write to our

fellow Ramdiculites about

the great meeting that was

held at the UC tower on

February 25, 2011 at 2:30

pm. It involved several

keynote speakers, includ-

ing the infamous top edi-

tor Bryce J. Parsons, his

minion Keith Greer-May,

and an Asian gentleman

who was asleep on the

couch behind them.

We took the liberty of

taking the minutes of this

great Ramdiculous sum-

mit, pondering what

could possibly become of

our beloved paper in the

semesters to come. Here

is a recap for those of you

who missed it:

2:20 pm: President Par-

sons arrives at the UC. He

walks up expecting a

trumpeting fanfare. He is

sorely mistaken.

2:27 pm: Keith Greer-

May arrives after mov-

ing his car from 15

minute parking to visi-

tor parking.

2:28 pm: Greer-May

speculates that no one

will be attending the

Ramdiculous meeting.

Parsons scoffs.

2:29 pm: What is

thought to be a possible

attendee of the meeting

was deemed to be a

sleeping Asian gentle-

man.

2:31 pm: A couple on

a couch next to sleep-

ing Asian gentleman

leave.

2:33 pm: Greer-May

suggests that he and

Parsons play a game of

air hockey. Parsons

rolls his eyes and be-

gins his keynote

speech.

2:38 pm: Having

failed to reach a quorum,

it is agreed that the sum-

mit shall be moved to the

air hockey table. With a

unanimous vote, a game

of air hockey is played.

2:58 pm: Greer-May is

the victor by a score of

10-3. Parsons had

cheated by moving his

slider to 7, but somehow

he still loses.

3:20 pm: Parsons gets

out his Duncan Butterfly

and casually yo-yos for a

little bit. A passerby asks

if she can write about his

yo-yoing for the Ram Page.

2:30 am: Some fresh-

men show up to the UC

tower wondering where

the Ramdiculous guys

are.

Well, that’s about it,

folks. See you all same

time next week (if we

still exist)!

Vol. 10, Issue 2 Something to read in class today

R A M D I C U L O U S   P A G E   P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite brand of peanut butter via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Also, I miss the old Esurance commercials with the spy chick. Weren’t those great? 

Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons

Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculous Goons

A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side

“Some-times, I wish slow computers had feelings, just so I could hurt them.” -Joanna Lule

3

the incredible question

Ram of the Week: Jordan Hawkins Meet Jordan. She says she works in IT, which is true. In fact, I’m pretty

sure that she has also invented a working teleportation device, which will revolutionize the travel and shipping industries.

I mean, think about it. With a series of teleporters, humanity would save

so much money on shipping, and we could more readily get supplies to third world countries, saving the lives of countless impoverished children. The human race would usher in an era of peace and prosperity, and Jordan Hawkins would be hailed as our generation’s ultimate heroine. She would receive Nobel Prizes, and would have a statue in the town square. Would-n’t that be awesome?

Also, she loves children, and is in school to become a daycare teacher.

She’s ready for the future, this one!

Word of the Day:

badonkadonk (n.): Curvaceous female

buttocks. (From Wiktionary)

Pictured: A visionary

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Odious Cat By Marilyn C. Monroe

Hey, dingbat,

Come get your

darn cat.

She sat

And spat

At my cousin

Matt.

I hate this

fat@$$ cat.

Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us! Contact us at:

page@ramdiculous.com (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,

you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)

Who’s This? Send us your

answer! Facebook.com/

ramdiculous Last answer: Snake Plissken

(Marcus Terrazas got it right)

Picture of the Week: The ULTIMATE crossover event

You would probably watch this, too.

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We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State.  Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here.  We are here for 

YOU!  

If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us.  Via email sga@angelo.edu, via phone  

(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights. 

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com

Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-

fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-

lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no

organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.

The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page

 

Top Ten Signs of the Apocalypse

10.) A computer kicking major

booty on “Jeopardy!”

9.) McDonald’s serving pizza

(applicable to the early ‘90s)

8.) Free Chick-Fil-A coupons

being sent out in the mail

7.) My car insurance going down

6.) That Snooki person

5.) The fact that they still refuse

to re-release Crystal Pepsi

4.) Flatulence

3.) MTV not showing any music

videos. Oh, wait...

2.) Next year being 2012 and all

1.) Justin Bieber

Reagan supporters really like Reagan

Many of ASU’s College Re-

p u b l i c a n s ,

despite the

fetal status of

their major-

ity during

the Reagan

administra-

tion, com-

memorated

the 100th

birthday of

the late

p r e s i d e n t

last Febru-

ary.

Of course,

the young

Republicans weren’t about to

let something as trivial as a

total lack of memory get in the

way of their elevating the late

president to messiah-like

status.

“The way he told that Ger-

man guy to

tear down

that wall, or

w h a t e v e r , ”

f r e s h m a n

K a i t l y n n

Broadmoore

said. “I mean,

talk about

guts, you

know?”

Many other

young women

of the group

unabashedly

credited their

conservative

parents’ admiration for the

president for naming them

Reagan or some other fem-

inized version of the name like

Reighgann or Rheagynn.

When asked about thoughts

on the Administration’s strat-

egy in facilitating the sale of

arms to Iran in the mid-80s,

most present responded with

blank faces, though one young

man asked if it had anything

to do with the end of the Coke

Wars.

Laconic Trope of the Day

Relax O Vision

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“We won’t show the blood

and guts, so look! Kittens!”

By Rachel Weinstock

Ronald Reagan (dramatization)

By Rachel Weinstock T R U T H O R C O N S E -

QUENCES, NM—After being

goaded into an argument yester-

day, you learned that your girl-

friend of six months has been

annoyed by you for the past

five.

Her chief complaints ranged

from the understandable ("You

never listen to me") to the ri-

diculous ("Who the f*** parts

their hair that way?").

She later reportedly rehashed

the entire conversation with her

best friend, Brie, adding that

you're an immature tool and

that her mother "was always

right about [you]."

Your girlfriend ‘sick of your s***’

6

Adults Playing With ’90s Action Figures

Ay yi yi! Supervillains are

attacking the city, as usual.

I’d probably better call some

superheroes or something.

The Mask! Bug-Man!

Thank goodness!

Note: This is a parody. No copyright infringement is intended. Please don’t sue us!

My name’s not ‘Bug-Man.’

So why did you summon us?

Supervillains, duh.

Hey, dudes. Sorry I’m late.

Well! Aren’t you just an

adorable little thing!

Oh HELL no.