Your Wedding Planner

from Gethsemane Lutheran Church

Gethsemane Lutheran Church www.gethsemanebaldwin.org1350 Florence Street Email: glcluth@baldwin-telecom.netBaldwin, WI 54002 Phone: 715.684.2984

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Marriage & FaithCONGRATULATIONS! We should begin with a word about our understanding of marriage. We believe that marriage is a lifelong, spiritual commitment. One of the most challenging and rewarding of human relationships, marriage is meant to be lived out in a community of faith where it can be supported and nurtured by others seeking to grow in love, forgiveness, justice, and compassion.

By choosing to be married at Gethsemane Lutheran Church, we invite and encourage you to be supported by and committed to this church community now and in the future. If you live out of town, we invite and encourage you to find a community that will support you in your life together. You are, “By your promises” planning to bind yourselves together in the presence of God and the congregation. This is a wonderful experience that you are planning for your family and friends. The following will help you with your planning.Not only is the ceremony for family and friends, but God is pleased when you make it a service of worship that is centered in Christ and is dedicated to God’s glory. A couple desiring a church wedding wants more than a legal ceremony. Standing before the altar, a couple wants their wedding to be:

A statement of faith, that marriage is part of God’s planA prayer for God’s blessingA celebration for the whole family and guestsAn expression of the couple’s desire for God’s lifelong presence in their home

You are to be commended for planning to have your wedding in a church. What a wonderful witness! It is in the church that Christians live out much of their lives. Confession, forgiveness, prayer, hearing of the Word, offering of our gifts, serving—all of these take place among the people of God. You have chosen to begin your married life in that setting. Thank you! We wish you God’s richest blessings as you look forward to your wedding day!

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Making a Reservation and Pre-Marriage WorkAs you begin planning for your marriage and your wedding worship service, this planner is intended to guide you through the many steps toward making your wedding day a joyous one and your marriage rich and lifelong.

THE RESERVATIONThe date for your wedding is confirmed when you have met with the pastor and completed the Wedding & Building Use form (see appendix). A Building Rental Fee is applicable to non-members and is payable at the time the reservation is made. Please contact the church office (715.684.2984 or glcluth@baldwin-telecom.net) to set up an initial meeting with the pastor.

PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELINGWe want your marriage to be as happy as your wedding day. During the initial meeting with the pastor, we will schedule 3-4 sessions of pre-marriage counseling. The goal of pre-marriage counseling at Gethsemane is to engage in 4 Key Practices of Christian Discipleship: Caring Conversations, Devotions, Services, and Rituals & Traditions. These 4 key faith practices shape the life of Christians helping us to grow in our faith of Jesus Christ and to share that faith with others.

CARING CONVERSATIONS: In preparing for marriage, engaged couples need to establish early patterns of open and effective communication. The Greatest Is Love guides couples of all ages on a conversation journey that includes ten of the topics engaged couples need to cover, including: Before We Say I Do, Our Parents, Our Love Life, Leisure and Work, Faith, Children, Money, Doing My Part, Issues and Our Wedding Day. The process offers couples a non-threatening, relaxing way to talk.

DEVOTIONS

SERVICE

RITUALS & TRADITIONS

As the pre-marriage counseling, we will plan together the wedding ceremony. An order of service can be found in this planning guide.

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Planning the Wedding Worship ServiceA wedding is a wonderful time to worship God! At your wedding, you gather family and friends to give thanks and praise to God! The Bible tells us “we love because God first loved us.” Planning the service is an opportunity to include music that honors and praises God and read scripture that reminds us of God’s love for us and calls us to love each other.

As you work with the pastor, please utilize the expertise and insight the pastor has to share to make your wedding pleasing to God and memorable for all who attend.

ORDER FOR WEDDING WORSHIP SERVICEThis is the typical order for a wedding worship service. Wedding bulletins can be ordered through the church, which the pastor will provide various different styles and designs. The couple will be responsible for the cost of the bulletins. The church will also provide photocopying, but not the design of the bulletins.

Processional (organ, instrumental, or congregational hymn)GreetingDeclaration of IntentionPrayer of the DayMusic (optional)Bible Readings (You may invite family or friends to be readers.)HomilyHymn or Solo Music (optional)Exchange of Vows (See the four options below)Giving of RingsLighting of the Unity Candle or other Rite (optional – Music usually accompanieslighting.)Blessing of the MarriagePrayers of the PeopleHoly Communion (optional)The Lord’s Prayer (Sung or Spoken)BlessingAcclamationRecessional

SCRIPTURE TEXTS FOR WEDDINGSThe pastor usually asks that that scripture be chosen for the second pre-marriage counseling session. Read through the various Scripture passages. Pray over them. Indicate your top three choices. Also feel free to add your own. Choosing scripture for your wedding should be done as a couple.

Genesis 1:26-28, 31; 2:18-24 The creation of man and woman

Page | 5 Your Wedding Proverbs 3:3-6 Loyalty and faithfulness written on the heart

Song of Solomon 2:10-13 The voice of the beloved

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 Many water cannot quench love

Isaiah 63:7-9 God’s steadfast love lifts up the people

Jeremiah 31:31-34 “I will be their God and they… my people”

Matthew 5:1-12 “Blessed are the peacemakers”

Matthew 5:13-16 “You are the light of the world”

Matthew 22:35-40 “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”

Mark 10:6-9 They are no longer two but one

John 2:1-11 “There was a wedding in Cana of Galilee”

John 15:9-17 “Love one another as I have loved you”

Romans 12:1-2, 9-18 Be generous in offering hospitality

1 Corinthians 13 No limit to love’s endurance

Ephesians 3:14-19 The greatness of Christ’s love

Philippians 4:4-9 Rejoice in the Lord always

Colossians 3:12-17 Qualities of living for God’s people

1 John 3:18-24 Love in truth and action

1 John 4:7-16 Love one another, because love is from God

___________________

___________________

SELECTING YOUR VOWSPlease choose between these four options. You may make adaptations in consultation with thepastor.

I take you (Name) to be my wife/husband, from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us.

In the presence of God and this community, I,( Name), take you, name, to be my wife/husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow.

I take you (Name) to be my wife/husband, and these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves, the world, and God; through the best and worst of

Page | 6 Your Weddingwhat is to come until death parts us.

I take you (Name) to be my wife/husband, I promise before God and these witnesses to be your faithful husband/wife, to share with you in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen you, and to join with you so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live.

(Name), I take you to be my wife/husband, from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond, and in all circumstances of our life together to be loyal to you with my whole life and with all my being until death parts us.

GUIDELINES FOR MUSICAll music for your wedding must reflect the presence and grace of God in Christ who is the source of all love and blessing. It should be of high quality, setting a tone for a Christian marriage. Please do not confuse the perfectly fine and proper music that you will want played at the reception with music that you would choose for inclusion in the service. Here are some questions you should ask yourself about the music. If the answer isYES, then the music is probably appropriate:

1. Does the music/text reflect praise and/or thanksgiving to God?2. Is it based on, or does it reflect, a Biblical theme?3. Is this song in the form of a prayer?4. Would this song be appropriate for use in Sunday morning worship?

Selecting hymns for all to sing in your wedding is a fine way to engage your guests in the joy of the day. Hymns that focus on marriage and community in Christ are appropriate. The following are suggested hymns for weddings from Gethsemane’s hymnal:

308 O Morning star, How Fair & Bright! 642 Ubi caritas et amor

312 Jesus, Come! For We Invite You 644 Although I Speak with Angel's Tongue

436 Wake, Awake, for Night Is Flying 648 Beloved, God's Chosen

460 Now the Silence 816 Come, My Way, My Truth, My Life

488, 489 Soul, adorn Yourself with Gladness 836 Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee

585 Hear Us Now, Our God and Father 839, 840 Now Thank We All Our God

586 This Is a Day, Lord, Gladly Awaited 879 For the Beauty of the Earth

631 Love Divine, All Loves Excelling 881 Let All Things Now Living

HOLY COMMUNIONAs baptized Christians, you may request that your marriage be set in the context of the celebration of Holy Communion. The celebration of Holy Communion abounds in festive marriage imagery in which Christ the bridegroom celebrates with his bride, the Church, the

Page | 7 Your Weddingheavenly wedding banquet which knows no end. As Holy Communion is a sign of unity, it must be open to the congregation and not be limited to the bride and groom or the wedding party. If circumstances prevent including the congregation, the marriage service should be used alone without the celebration of Holy Communion. If you plan to have Holy Communion as a part of your wedding worship service, please let the pastor know as soon as possible.

USHERSA minimum of two ushers should be chosen for your wedding. If you anticipate more than 150 guests, more ushers should be secured. Often, groomsmen or bridesmaids are used as additional ushers. The pastor will instruct you and your ushers about their responsibilities.

ROLES FOR FAMILY & FRIENDSThe unity and sharing of life that characterizes Christian life can and should be reflected in the structure of your wedding worship. You are encouraged to seek ways to involve family members and friends in the leadership of your wedding and to seek ways to involve the gathered congregation actively in the worship, rather than relegating them to a “spectator” role. Leadership roles for family and friends may include: Acolyte Reading scripture Leading a psalm Singing or playing music

Assisting minister Usher Greeter

SEASONAL DECORATIONSThe sanctuary is a lovely space dedicated to reflecting the beauty and holiness of God. In the sanctuary are appointments that amplify seasons of the church year, and they do not change for weddings. The paraments (altar cloths) are varying colors throughout the calendar year. If you desire to know the color that will be present on the date of your wedding, please ask your Pastor. The paraments will not be changed for your wedding.

Also during the year, seasonal decorations (Christmas trees, banners, other plants, etc) may be present. If you wish to know what might be on display for your wedding, please ask either the Pastor.

WEDDING DECORATIONSIn terms of other decorations for your wedding the following guidelines apply:

There are two candelabras, each holding seven candles, are available for your use. Aisle runners may be used, but are not necessary, with the carpeted aisle. Any ribbons, bows, flowers, etc. to be attached to the ends of the pews or candle

holders must be attached by tying them or with something soft and non-abrasive.

BULLETINSWedding bulletins can be ordered through the church, which the Pastor will provide various different styles and designs. The couple will be responsible for the cost of the bulletins. The church will also provide photocopying, but not the design of the bulletins. The Pastor will provide an order of service and sample bulletin.

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PHOTOGRAPHYPlease plan to take most of the formal pictures before the service. This is a matter of courtesy to your guests who are kept unduly waiting for the wedding party at the reception if pictures are postponed until after the service. If the old practice of “not seeing the bride” prior to her march down the aisle is still important to you, consider planning a “first meeting” between bride and groom that can be photographed.

Photography and videotaping at your wedding are certainly important, but they should not be distracting or disruptive to the worship service. Flash pictures are not allowed during the service, and professional photography and/or videotaping should be done discreetly. Your photographer may take photos from the aisle during the marches. Please inform your photographer to consult with the pastor upon arrival for the wedding.

MARRIAGE LICENSEWisconsin law requires that couples secure a license to marry at the County Clerk’s office in their county of residence (St. Croix County Clerk of Court, Government Center, 1101 Carmichael Road, Hudson WI 54016). If you are getting married in Wisconsin, but NEITHER of you has lived in Wisconsin for the past 30 days, you must apply for the license in the County Clerk's office in the county where you will be married.

You must apply for this license a minimum of seven days (and not more than 35 days) before the wedding. The fee is $100 (subject to change) and must be paid in cash or check. Both the bride and the groom need to appear in person with a certified copy (with a raised seal) of your birth certificate, a photo ID, and proof of residency and age. Six months must elapse after a divorce before remarriage can take place.A marriage license is valid for 30 days.

Please bring your marriage license with to the rehearsal and personally hand it to the pastor. The pastor will fill out the license will get the necessary signatures. Gethsemane is required to return your license to the County Clerk’s Office immediately after your wedding. Following your marriage, you can obtain official copies of the license from the St. Croix County Register of Deeds.

If you are traveling out of the country shortly after your wedding, documents such as passport and driver’s license are sufficient identification. It may be wise to make all reservations in the bride’s maiden name since you will not yet have your name changed on your identification documents nor have official documentation of the marriage. Please consult with a travel agent for additional recommendations.

MYTHS: “GIVING AWAY” AND “RICE”Your wedding should be a joyous and memorable event that is meaningful to you, but some traditions are best understood before you make these detailed plans for your wedding. While it is typical and acceptable for the bride’s father to escort the bride down the aisle, the “giving away of the bride” with the words “who gives this woman in marriage” is not done at weddings held at

Page | 9 Your WeddingTrinity. This practice dates back to a time when marriages were arranged and brides had no say in whom they married. Young women were possessions of their fathers; thus the tradition of the father “giving away” his daughter to a young man.

Originally, the throwing of rice was done to increase fertility (symbolizing the close relationship between women and the life-bearing grain). We ask that you not throw rice or bird seed. Bubbles or bells have been used to greet the couple as they have exited the church building.

Please strive to understand all aspects of your wedding and the reasons for doing them. Feel free to ask your Pastor any questions you have regarding wedding traditions.

SMOKING AND ALCOHOLGethsemane's building and grounds are smoke-free. Please ask your wedding party to refrain from smoking in the building or near entrances. Smoking is permitted in the main parking lot. Also, please do not bring alcoholic beverages to your wedding. You may provide snacks and sodas for your wedding party. Please arrange for a friend or relative to clean up prior to guests arriving for your wedding.

FEES & HONORARIUMS Please plan to pay all applicable fees at the wedding rehearsal. The fees are as follows:

Use of the Church facility (for non-members only)...$500Organist/Musicians.....................................................negotiated rateCustodian (without the use of the fellowship hall)..... $50

(with the use of the fellowship hall).…..... $60

The pastor neither requests nor accepts honorariums, since his/her work with couples is a part of his/her calling by the congregation, for which he/she is compensated by the congregation.

ANOTHER OFFICIANT/PASTORAnother pastor or officiant from the ELCA or other traditions are welcome to be a guest officiant along with the Gethsemane pastor. Please speak with the Gethsemane pastor before an invitation is extended to an assisting pastor/officiant.

INVITATIONSIf you wish to invite the pastor to your rehearsal dinner or to the wedding reception, please extend a written invitation.

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Wedding Questions for the Bride and GroomThe following questions will be discussed over the course of the 3-4 pre-marriage counseling with the pastor. These are often details that couples have not considered. Think about them, consider them, discuss them as a couple.

ESCORTING AND USHERING OF GUESTS AND SEATING Will there be ushers? (to light candles, hand out bulletins, and usher guests to their

seats?) Who will be doing what? Who will be escorted in? By whom? Escorted out? (parents, grandparents, aunts, etc)

Will you seat immediate family and friends of the bride and groom on different sides of the church or together?

Where will special guests sit (parents, step-parents, grandparents, family, etc)…in first, second, third row?

How will family be escorted out (or will they)? Ushers? Bride and groom? How will guests be escorted out? Ushers? Row by row? “Released” by bride and groom? Will there be a receiving line? Who will be in it? Where will it be (inside or outside)?

What will be the order of the people in the receiving line?

PROCESSIONAL AND RECESSIONAL How will the wedding party enter the sanctuary? (As couples down main aisle?

Separately? Men from side and women down main aisle?) How will the bride and groom enter? (bride with father? bride with parents? bride and

groom together? bride alone? groom from side?)

WEDDING LITURGY What Biblical texts do you want read? Why? Be prepared to talk with pastor about this! Would you like a friend or relative to read these texts at the wedding? Who? Which vows have you chosen? Will you have communion during your wedding? How will you be called during the wedding service? By what name/s do you wish to be presented to the congregation at the end of the

wedding service? Will you kiss at the close of the wedding?

MUSIC What music will you have during the wedding (prelude, during the seating of parents and

grandparents, hymns sung by the congregation, processional, recessional, during the lighting of the unity candle)?

Will you have soloists?

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MISCELLANEOUS Will you have an aisle runner? Candles? Candelabras? Unity candle? Who lights what when? (parents? bride and

groom?) Flower girl/s? Ring bearer? Will they be standing or seated during the service? Will you have a guest book? Will you have your reception at our fellowship hall?

Page | 12 Your WeddingGethsemane Lutheran Wedding Form

Groom’s Current Information

Name: ________________________________________________________________________

Address: ______________________________________________________________________

City: ___________________________ State: _____________ Zip: _____________________

Phone(s): ___________________________________ Email: ___________________________

Birth Date: ______________________________

Present Religious Membership: ___________________________________________________

Bride’s Current Information

Name: ________________________________________________________________________

Address: ______________________________________________________________________

City: ___________________________ State: _____________ Zip: _____________________

Phone(s): ___________________________________ Email: ___________________________

Birth Date: ______________________________

Present Religious Membership: ___________________________________________________

Address After Marriage

Address: ______________________________________________________________________

City: ___________________________ State: _____________ Zip: _____________________

Wedding Details

Date: ______________________ @ ___________ Rehearsal: _______________ @ _________

Approximate number of guests: ________ Will there be children in the service? YES NO

Organist/Pianist/Musicians: ___________________________________________________

What type of instrumentation? _________________________________________

Will there a vocal soloist? YES NO How many pieces? ____________________

Unity Candle? YES NO

Witnesses: ____________________________ & __________________________________

Page | 13 Your WeddingAnything else? _________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Office Use:

Meet with pastor on ______________________

Building Use Form to Congregation Council on ___________________

Enter on the Church Calendar

License Number: ________________, County: ______________________

o Date Returned: ________________________

Email Blast: include couple’s names in Joys & Concerns for the week before and week

after the wedding.

Bulletin: include couple’s names in Joys & Concerns for the week before and week after

the wedding.

Bulletin Announcement on Sunday after the wedding:

o (Bride’s Name) and (Groom’s Name) are happy to announce they were united in

marriage at (Church Name, City, State) on (Date). Continued blessings and

prayers to the happy couple.

Newsletter Announcement in the month following the wedding

o Congratulations! (Couples Name) were married at (Church Name, City, State) on

(Date). Continued blessings to the happy couple.

Enter data into membership database

Record in parish register

Page | 14 Your WeddingGETHSEMANE LUTHERAN CHURCH

WEDDING GUIDELINES• Meet with the Pastor to set the date and time for your wedding.

• Complete marriage counseling with the Pastor. Requirements for marriage counseling to be arranged with the Pastor.

• If you would like to use the church organist, contact he/she as soon as possible. You may arrange for your own organist, at a rate you negotiate.

• The called pastor is the presiding pastor for the wedding. An invited clergy may assist. Speak with the called pastor before an invitation is extended to an assisting clergy.

• As you begin the selection of music for inclusion in your wedding worship, please keep in mind the following statement of the Inter-Lutheran Commission on Worship: “Music selected for weddings should embody high standards of quality and, in general, reflect the praise of God, God's steadfast love in Christ as the foundation of and model for marriage, and the asking of God's presence and blessing.” Please do not confuse the perfectly fine and proper music that you will want played at the reception with music that you would choose for inclusion in the service. Questions to think about: What sort of message does a particular song convey? What sort of picture of love and marriage does it give? Would this song be appropriate for use in Sunday morning worship? Approximately 20 minutes of Prelude music precedes the wedding services, which can include organ music, vocal music, instrumental music, or a combination.

• The unity and sharing of life that characterizes Christian life can and should be reflected in the structure of your wedding worship. You are encouraged to seek ways to involve family members and friends in the leadership of your wedding and to seek ways to involve the gathered congregation actively in the worship, rather than relegating them to a “spectator” role. Leadership roles for family and friends may include: acolyte, reading scripture, leading a psalm, singing, playing music, assisting minister, etc. Involving the gathered congregation actively might include the singing of a hymn, reading a psalm, and more.

• Bird seed or rice may not be thrown on the church property

• In terms of other decorations for your wedding the following guidelines apply:

There are two candelabras, each holding seven candles, are available for your use.

Aisle runners may be used, but are not necessary, with the carpeted aisle.

Any ribbons, bows, flowers, etc. to be attached to the ends of the pews or candle holders must be attached by tying them or with something soft and non-abrasive.

Weddings are a celebration that is a piece of the larger church thus remains within the

Page | 15 Your Weddingchurch calendar. As a result, the paraments will be whatever color is correct for the time of the church year.

• Wedding bulletins can be ordered through the church, which the Pastor will provide various different styles and designs. The couple will be responsible for the cost of the bulletins. The church will also provide photocopying, but not the design of the bulletins. The Pastor will provide an order of service and sample bulletin.

• The marriage license shall be given to the Pastor at the wedding rehearsal. However, earlier is requested.

• Please plan to pay all applicable fees at the wedding rehearsal. The fees are as follows:

o Use of the Church facility (for non-members only)...$500

o Organist.....................................................................negotiated rate

o Custodian (without the use of the fellowship hall)..... $50

(with the use of the fellowship hall).…..... $60

o The Pastor neither requests nor accepts honorariums, since his/her work with couples is a part of his/her calling by the congregation, for which he/she is compensated by the congregation.

If you have any questions or concerns, please call the church office at 715-684-2984.

approved by Congregation Council on 5/8/2012

Building Use Request for Members

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Event: _________________________________________ Date Requested___________

Responsible Party: ________________________________ Date of Use_______________

Phone Number: ___________________ Email Address: ______________________________

1. Knowledge of all arrangements shall be shared with the pastor and/or office.

2. Contact the church office (Monday – Friday, 9am – 1pm) at 715-684-2984 if there are any changes.

3. Minimal cleanup is required. Please leave it as you found it including cleaning up spills, taking out the garbage, & sweeping, if need be. If minimal cleanup is not done to the janitor’s satisfaction, the responsible party will be contacted. If lack of minimal cleanup continues, the use of the building will be revoked.

4. Please inform the church office at least a week before your event if you are going to use the kitchen for serving food.

a. Anyone who uses the church for the serving of food and beverage shall be considered the “caterer.” Caterers outside the church shall not normally use the church facilities for the cooking or preparation of food, with the exception of the use of coffee makers.

b. All kitchen utensils may be used, including plates, cups, and glasses. All shall properly be cleaned and returned to their appropriate place.

5. Lights are to be turned off and all outside doors locked when the group leaves, unless told differently.

6. There will be no charge for the use of the church. A surcharge may be imposed if unusual cleanup is a result of use.

7.  Other expectations:______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I agree to all of the items listed above:

Name: ________________________________________ Date________________

Building Use Request for Non-Members

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Event: __________________________________________ Date Requested___________

Responsible Party: ________________________________ Date of Use_______________

Address: _____________________________________________________________________

Phone Number: ___________________ Email Address: ______________________________

1. Knowledge of all arrangements shall be shared with the pastor and/or office.

2. Contact the church office (Monday – Friday, 9 am -1 pm) at 715-684-2984 if there are any changes.

3. No clergy from outside churches are to be used at Gethsemane without the prior knowledge and approval by the pastor involved.

4. Non-member usage fees shall be $50 for each room with the exception of the following:$200 Fellowship Hall$500 Church Nave & Sanctuary (increased 9-14-04 council)

5. Minimal cleanup is required. Please leave it as you found it including cleaning up spills, taking out the garbage, & sweeping, if need be. If minimal cleanup is not done to the janitor’s satisfaction, the responsible party will be contacted. If lack of minimal cleanup continues, the use of the building will be revoked.

6. Please inform the church office at least a week before your event if you are going to use the kitchen for serving food.

7. Anyone who uses the church for the serving of food and beverage shall be considered the “caterer.” Caterers outside the church shall not normally use the church facilities for the cooking or preparation of food, with the exception of the use of coffee makers.

8. All kitchen utensils may be used, including plates, cups, and glasses. All shall properly be cleaned and returned to their appropriate place.

9. Lights are to be turned off and all outside doors locked when the group leaves, unless told differently.

10.There will be no charge for the use of the church. A surcharge may be imposed if unusual cleanup is a result of use.

I agree to all of the items listed above:

Name: _____________________________________________ Date________________