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©2015 Rule the Room Public Speaking All rights reserved. – Calm “Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking”

Calm Workbook

Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking

With: Jason Teteak

0•2 Calm: Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking


Calm Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking

Calm 6 What Is Rule the Room Public Speaking? 6 Why Rule the Room Public Speaking? 9 How Is Calm Different? 10 What Will You Get with Calm? 11

By the End of This Program, You Will Be Able to… 13

How Do You Conquer Your Fear of Public Speaking? 14

The Program 15

Session 1: Face Your Fear of Public Speaking 16 Ground Yourself 20

Assume You Are Not Fully Grounded 20

Assume You Have Nothing to Prove to Anybody 21

Ground Yourself with Physical Exercises 23

Activity: Ground Yourself 26

Identify Your Negative Speaking Beliefs 27

Make Your Beliefs Serve You Better 27

Identify Your Negative Public Speaking Beliefs 29

Activity: Identify Your Negative Speaking Beliefs 30

Turn Your Fear into Confident Speaking Beliefs 31

Detangle Your Thoughts 31

Activity: Turn Your Fear into Confident Speaking Beliefs 38

Notes: Face Your Fear of Public Speaking 40

Your Turn to Face Your Fears of Public Speaking 41

Review and Exercises 41

Ground Yourself 41

Identify Your Negative Speaking Beliefs 41



Turn Your Fear into Confident Speaking Beliefs 42

Session 2: Create a No-Fear Presentation 43 Create Your Presentation Agenda and Hooks 47

Step 1 – Write Down Your Working Title and Topics 48

Step 2 – Create Your New Takeaways 49

Step 3 – Create Your New Presentation Title 50

Step 4 – Explain the “Whys” with Happiness, Success and Freedom 51

Step 5 – Create your Takeaway Hooks 52

Step 6 – Create Your Main Presentation Hook. 54

Activity: Create Your Presentation Agenda and Hooks 56

Create Your Slideshow 58

Step 1 – Create Slide #1: Title Slide 59

Step 2 – Create Slide #2: Main Agenda slide 60

Step 3 – Create Highlighted Agenda Slides 61

Step 4 – Create Task Slides 61

Step 5 – Create a Summary Slide (2nd to Last Slide) 65

Step 6 –Create a Final Slide (Thank You Slide) 65

Step 7– Create Example Slides (optional) 66

Activity: Create Your Slideshow 67

Create Your Blueprint (Not a Script) 68

Step 1 – Create a Blueprint for Slide #1: Title Slide 69

Step 2 – Create a Blueprint for Slide #2: Main Agenda Slide 69

Step 3 – Create a Blueprint for the Highlighted Agenda Slides 69

Step 4 – Create a Blueprint for Task Slides 70

Step 5 – Create a Blueprint for the Summary Slide (2nd to Last Slide) 71

Step 6 – Create a Blueprint for the Final Slide (Thank You Slide) 72

Activity: Create Your Blueprint (Not a Script) 73

Notes: Create a No-Fear Presentation 74

Your Turn to Create a No-Fear Presentation 75

Review and Exercises 75



Create Your Presentation Agenda and Hooks 75

Create Your Slideshow 75

Create Your Blueprint (Not a Script) 76

Session 3: Practice Your No-Fear Presentation 77 Practice Being the Most Genuine Version of Yourself 81

Identify What Makes You Most Attractive on Stage 82

Embody Your Natural Personality Style 87

Activity: Practice Being the Most Genuine Version of Yourself 88

Practice Not Showing any Nerves 89

Remove Your Nervous Habits 89

Activity: Practice Not Showing any Nerves 93

Practice Showing Confidence 94

Use Confident Body Language 94

Use Confident Words 97

Speak with a Confident Voice 101

Activity: Practice Showing Confidence 105

Notes: Practice Your No-Fear Presentation 106

Your Turn to Practice Your No-Fear Presentation 107

Review and exercises 107

Practice Being the Most Genuine Version of Yourself 107

Practice Not Showing Any Nerves 107

Practice Showing Confidence 108

Session 4: Deliver a No-Fear Presentation 109 Prepare the Day of the Presentation 110

Practice the Opener 3 Times the Day of the Presentation 110

Apply 10 Ways to Relax Yourself before You Begin 111

Activity: Prepare the Day of the Presentation 117

Give an Amazing Presentation Opener 118

Make an Impressive Physical Impression 119

Introduce Yourself 122



Give your Credentials 122

Hook the Audience 124

Introduce the Circle of Knowledge 125

Reveal your Takeaways and Make Your Summary 129

Activity: Give an Amazing Presentation Opener 131

Handle Fear throughout Your Presentation 132

Tell Yourself you’re Enough 132

Keep Your Audience Talking 134

Activity: Handle Fear throughout Your Presentation 136

Notes: Deliver a No-Fear Presentation 137

Your Turn to Deliver a No-Fear Presentation 138

Review and exercises 138

Afterword 140

About Rule the Room Public Speaking 141



Calm Do you have a fear of public speaking? I mean a real physiological reaction to public speaking that actually causes you to sweat, shake, talk too fast, forget what you’re going to say, or even not be able to speak at all? Does it cause you bad feelings, embarrassment, humiliation, or lost opportunities?

I’ve got some surprising news for you…you’re not alone. The fear of public speaking ranks number one in the minds of the majority of people on this planet. For millions of people, the fear of public speaking ranks even higher than the fear of death or even disease. They end up with low self-esteem, fearing speaking in general, public or not, planned or spontaneous. Even though they have great ideas, they struggle to articulate them in front of a group of people.

If you’re in that group of people, then you need to strengthen your presentation skills, learn to really connect with your audience, and find out how to overcome your fear of public speaking… before another one of your presentations causes another panic stricken frenzy. Successful people can share their ideas clearly, powerfully, and succinctly. They are confident when speaking, and because of that, others follow them and their ideas.

This program dives deeply into the strategies, techniques and tools you need to overcome your fear of public speaking and stay calm and in control in front of every audience. You’ll learn from the inside out, how to establish your self-esteem, enhance and define your public speaking skills, and face and manage your fears of public speaking. This program will help you feel a sense of happiness, success and freedom you’ve never felt before as you finally conquer your fear of public speaking, appear confident and credible and actually enjoy speaking in front of any size crowd.

What Is Rule the Room Public Speaking?

Rule the Room Public Speaking is a leading provider of public speaking solutions to people and organizations everywhere. In every enterprise and all walks of life, public speaking skills are critical. Your success depends on your ability to persuade, inspire, teach, and motivate others.

Our belief is that good speakers are not born; they’re made. Everyone has the capacity to be a great public speaker when taught the necessary skills. Rule the Room can teach you those skills, which can be applied in every situation, from giving presentations to running a meeting, handling confrontation, and networking with clients.

Rule the Room Public Speaking works with everyone from novices to seasoned presenters. We provide the gold standard of public speaking curriculum for elite



individuals and institutions worldwide. Calm is one of over two dozen programs that will help you take your public speaking skills to the next level. A partial list of our programs is below.

For more information, visit www.ruletheroompublicspeaking.com.

Conquer Your Fear

• Presto: presentation wow factor Get the instant wow factor for your presentation.

• Calm: phobic to epic Conquer your fear of public speaking.

• Opener: the power of a great start Blow your audience away with a killer presentation opener.

• Archetype: get laughs by being yourself Discover the power of your natural presentation style.

• Five: break down barriers, open doors Give an amazing five minute presentation.

Train For TED

• Dazzle: secrets of a speaking sensation The secrets of master presenters.

• Create: the rule the room method classic Presentation bootcamp: hands-on presentation content creation skills.

• Convey: the rule the room method signature Presentation bootcamp: hands-on presentation delivery skills.

• Captain: the rule the room method experience Presentation bootcamp: hands-on presentation audience management skills.

Build Your Business

• Advantage: deliver money-making presentations How to give an effective business presentation.

• Captivate: create money-making presentations How to hook your audience.

• Sales bootcamp: ground up money-making strategies Hands-on sales presentation skills.

• Webcast: deliver money-making webinars How to give an effective webinar.

http://www.ruletheroompublicspeaking.com/



• Pitch: market your business How to perfect your pitch.

• Video: increase your business’s visibility Speaking strategies for perfect videos and podcast.

• Demo: impress clients, win relationships Entice your audience with your demo.

Lead Your Troops

• Administrator: address your department Give a seamless administrative presentation.

• Eloquence: the secret opportunity revealed Convince with your voice.

• Respect: reach your leadership potential Gain respect as a true leader.

• Meeting: motivate change internally The art and science of meetings that motivate.

• Facilitate: the rule the room method classic Lead valuable group discussions.

• Serenity: 24 hours to peace How to handle challenging people.

• Boomerang: be ready for anything Answer questions like a pro.

• Validate: public speaking skills for change Present an effective validation session.



Why Rule the Room Public Speaking?

Too many presentations are boring, with very little retention, and too many presenters either don’t know it or don’t know how to fix it. Their audience knows it and is suffering because of it, sitting through presentations that don’t engage, challenge or take them to the next level. Our mission is to change that. Rule the Room Public Speaking helps you increase retention, decrease presentation creation, delivery and management headaches and have more fun doing it. There are three key reasons why Rule the Room Public Speaking is different:

1. You’ll learn WHY it works. Speaking is not just about you, the presenter. It’s about your audience. That’s why we don’t just show you how to do it or what to do. We tell you WHY it works so you can learn to “fish” on your own and help your audience do the same.

2. You’ll learn in YOUR unique presentation style: Too many presenters are being fake and un-genuine in front of their audience. You need to be you in front of your audience, not somebody else.

a. Presentation personality assessment. We all communicate differently. That’s why every lesson is taught with four unique presentation styles (fascinator, performer, inspirer, and energizer) to help you know exactly how to present to your audience by being yourself.

b. Learning style analysis. We all learn differently. That’s why every lesson is taught with four unique learning styles (step, research, create, talk) you can use to get your message across to every type of learner in the room.

3. You’ll be able to APPLY practical techniques right away. Information is not instruction. This training actually makes sense. World-renowned presenter and trainer, Jason Teteak, is able to decode the magic that happens when top communicators are presenting to their audience. He then bottles up the secret sauce and presents it to you so you can easily understand how to use it in your own style and apply it to any situation.



How Is Calm Different?

Not everyone is a natural speaker. At Rule the Room, we believe speakers aren’t born, they’re made. We know from personal experience that not everyone is a naturally confident public speaker.

On his way to becoming a premier provider of successful communication solutions, Jason has had to overcome his own fear of public speaking. This program has every tool and strategy he’s learned from years of experience, and makes it possible for you to avoid the fear and anxiety associated with public speaking without having to figure out how to do it yourself. This program will show you how to lift the burden of the fear of public speaking off your back. After this program, you will be able to start standing up and speak in front of key groups of people and handle that fear of public speaking that has been holding you back.

You will learn how you can overcome your fear of public speaking and show the kind of impressive confidence that motivates people to take action when you speak.

This is the perfect program for speakers just starting out or speakers that have not been able to present because of a crippling fear of public speaking. If you are an experience presenter, you may not have a crippling hear, but you will learn in this program how to look and feel more calm in front of your audience. You don’t have to work so hard and feel so stressed out to be a good public speaker. There’s so much potential for you to improve and this program is the perfect place to start.

You may have seen other “gurus” teach you how to speak or present. Chances are, they gave you their language, and you may even use it verbatim. There is a 75% chance that they didn’t give you the right language for your style. Most gurus don’t explain why their methods work; they just assure you that they do. If you’re going to make up your own language, you need to understand why it works.

The reason we are so excited to have you see Jason dive in on some of this is that, through the process of being taught by him, you will find new pieces of gold within you that you didn’t even know were there. And these discoveries will help you become a better speaker.

We’re going to prove our method in this program with real case studies that will give you some amazing ideas for your own public speaking. The techniques in this program will help you overcome your fear of public speaking in half the time.



What Will You Get with Calm?

After interviewing hundreds of public speakers, we discovered the top concerns speakers have regarding overcoming their fear of public speaking. Have you ever had any of the following concerns?

I can’t hide or stop all of my negative habits and fear of public speaking. I can't speak and I forgot everything I was going to say. I can’t breathe when I have to go up and speak in front of people. I can’t talk in a clear or normal voice. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t hide the excessive sweating. I can’t hide the color of my face (red, yellow...etc.). I don’t appear confident. My audience isn’t happy or entertained. I have no support to overcome these fear-based challenges. I shy away from facing the audience, large groups, small groups or

individuals.

I have a low amount of self-esteem. I often look weak or foolish in front of the audience because of poor

presentation skills.

There are no good materials (videos) to help. I have a hard time starting the correction process of getting my fear of

public speaking handled.

There’s an infinite loop of first my fear of public speaking, then worrying about it, then more fear, then more worrying, and so on.

Because of my fear of public speaking, I feel like there’s a loss of career potential and opportunities.

I am losing out on extra income potential from training my skills to others. They always me to train others but I reject it.

We’ll address how to handle each of these eighteen concerns and more in this program. You’ll be able to start saying yes to the speaking gigs you were meant to take. You’ll discover how to face your fears, show less nerves and more confidence, command with your presence, convince with your voice, prepare with no fear and deliver an amazing opener.



Most gurus just say, “Here’s the gold dust,” but many speakers don’t know what to do with the “treasure,” or it simply doesn’t work. The point is that the gurus often don’t give the precursors as to why it works. Conversely, in this program, we will break down each and every technique to make it simple for you to understand. We will tell you why it works so that you can apply your knowledge to new situations day after day. In each circumstance, you will know how to overcome your fear of public speaking in half the time.

This program will help you achieve the following things with your public speaking:

1. You start to replace negative habits and beliefs with build positive habits beliefs for yourself as a public speaking.

2. You can speak and remember everything you want to say. 3. You can breathe when you speak in front of people. 4. You can talk in a clear and normal voice. 5. You can handle any shaking or nerves that come your way. 6. You can hide your excessive sweating. 7. You overcome and even eliminate your face from turning colors. 8. You appear confident. 9. Your audience is happy and entertained. 10. You have support to overcome your fears. 11. You can face the audience, especially large groups or even small strange

groups or individuals.

12. You have a high amount of self-esteem. 13. You look strong and powerful in front of the audience because of excellent

presentation skills.

14. There are good materials (videos) to help. 15. You have an easier time with the correction process because you’ve

handled your fear of public speaking.

16. You are able to close the fear of public speaking loop where you’re not worrying about it as much.

17. You can conquer your fear of public speaking and find more career potential and opportunities because of it.

18. You gain extra income potential from speaking and training your skills to others.



By the End of This Program, You Will Be Able to…

Face your fear of public speaking

Ground yourself

Identify your negative beliefs about public speaking

Turn your fear into confident speaking beliefs

Create a no-fear presentation

Create your presentation agenda and hooks

Create your slideshow

Create your blueprint (not a script)

Practice your no-fear presentation

Practice being the most genuine version of yourself

Practice not showing any nerves

Practice showing confidence

Deliver a no-fear presentation

Prepare the day of the presentation

Give an amazing presentation opener

Handle nerves and fear throughout your presentation



How Do You Conquer Your Fear of Public Speaking? Using the following table below, take notes on your thoughts to share with the group, and to record additional ideas during the presentation.

How do You Conquer Your Fear of Public Speaking? Notes:



The Program It’s ultimately not about you: it’s about them—the people in your audience. Calm means you can confidently speak in front of anyone and get others to follow you and your ideas. This program dives deeply into the strategies, techniques and tools you need to stay calm and in control in front of every audience. You’ll learn from the inside out, how to establish your self-esteem, enhance and define your public speaking skills, and face and manage your fears of public speaking.

Make a clear picture in your mind of what you want to get out of this program. Even though you don’t know exactly what you’re going to learn, you have an idea of what you came here to get. Take a minute right now, and think about why you’re listening to me right now…what led you to this point…and make a picture of exactly what you want to get out of this program.

The Top 3 List… Take two minutes and write down the top 3 things you want to get out of this program. Put a star next to the one that is THE most important to you.

1.

2.

3.

Focus on getting your outcome as we work together, learning how to overcome your particular fears of public speaking. The first part of this program is about you. I’m going to talk about a lot of things that make you think and challenge your assumptions and current paradigm. You might be thinking: “How is he going to help me overcome my fear of public speaking?”

That’s good. That’s exactly where you’re supposed to be. In my typical style, I’m going to paint a lot of broad strokes to begin with, and then wrap up with some hard-hitting ultra-useful things for you to take and use. Will you make a commitment to stay with me?

• Take notes during and after this presentation. It will be harder, but you will get more out of it. Imagine learning to ride a bike without taking the training wheels off and doing it yourself…Notes will help you do that.

• Review this program a minimum of once per month for three months, so you HEAR it all.

• Work with the material and activities at least one hour per week for 12 weeks in a row to build a solid habit.

• Make a personal commitment to get the most from your investment. You spent money and time. You deserve to get back as much as you can for it.



Session 1: Face Your Fear of Public Speaking

Turn your negative speaking fears into confident beliefs

Everyone has heard the statistics: The fear of public speaking is worse than the fear of death. Is that really true? Is the fear of public speaking a reality? And if it is true, is it really possible to overcome that fear?

A Gallup poll confirmed that the greatest fear of 40 percent of Americans is public speaking. It comes as no surprise that many of the people who consult me for help in making presentations express such concerns.

“No other advice you give me will matter until I can overcome my fear,” said one client. “Once it sets in, I can’t think about anything else.”

The place to start is understanding where your fear comes from. What are its components? For example, if you say, “I’m afraid of sharks,” it may not be the animal itself that’s your problem but the whole scenario you conjure up when thinking of a shark attack: the fear of being taken by surprise, of seeing the menacing look in the attacker’s eyes, of knowing how powerless you’d be to defend yourself, of being maimed or killed.



After speaking to thousands of people about their presentation fears, I have heard all sorts of reasons why people are afraid of public speaking. On the surface, I often hear things like:

• “I’m afraid of making a mistake in delivering the presentation: stumbling over words, forgetting what I meant to say, inadvertently skipping over a portion, or misspeaking in some other way.”

• “I’m afraid of being humiliated by appearing inept, awkward, and uneasy to my audience. That not only would be personally embarrassing but also would undermine my credibility as a presenter.”

• “I’m afraid of failing at my main purpose: connecting with the audience and delivering the message effectively.”

Sometimes just the idea of speaking in public causes severe anxiety and sleeplessness. Often the fear is based on a previous bad experience. Some speakers tell me they’ve been so anxious during a presentation that they’ve suffered a loss of memory or “blackout” and couldn’t even recall their performance.

When you really diver into the bottom of the fears above, it turns out that almost all of the fears of public speaking boil down to ten common reasons:

Top 10 Fears of Public Speaking:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.



The amount of time some speakers spend anxiously worrying about their presentation is significant. When you look at those who are currently not very successful, they are often thinking about speaking for up to four hours a day. Wow! Think about that for a moment. What are they thinking about during those four hours? Unfortunately, it’s often negative, non-profitable thoughts such as:

“I don’t feel confident speaking in front of people.” “Speaking takes too much effort.” “I don’t know the right words to say when I speak to people.” “I upset people off when I’m speaking.” “When I speak in front of people, I’m using them.” “The people I’m speaking to don’t want to hear from me.” “The people I’m speaking to aren’t the right people.” “It takes so much time for me to prepare and I don’t have the time.” “I get rejected on stage.” “I’m just not a good speaker.” “Speaking just isn’t for me and my personality.” “I’m awkward in front of people.” “People don’t like listening to me.” “When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time.”

This can affect performance. Eventually, those same speakers give up or don’t even try. That’s because very few of them have a process around speaking that they actually stick to. Even fewer have a process that actually feels good to them and happens naturally for them. Instead, they have negative beliefs about speaking.

What Is a Negative Speaking Belief?

Million-dollar speakers, on the other hand, spend little if any time worrying about speaking. Highly successful speakers just do it for an hour and are done. What are they thinking about during that hour? They are thinking highly profitable thoughts such as:



“I feel confident speaking in front of people.” “Speaking is easy.” “I know the right words to say when I speak to people.” “I make people happy when I’m speaking.” “When I speak in front of people, I’m helping them.” “The people I’m speaking to want to hear from me.” “The people I’m speaking to are awesome.” “I don’t have time NOT to prepare for my presentations.” “People accept me when I speak.” “I’m a good speaker.” “Speaking is for me and my personality.” “I’m comfortable in front of people.” “People want to listen to me.” “When I speak in front of people, I’m enhancing their time.”

Successful speakers have profitable speaking beliefs. This can keep them in a highly profitable speaking practice for years and years to come. Eventually, those same speakers go on to million-dollar careers. That’s because they have a process around speaking that they actually stick to. They have a process that actually feels good to them and happens naturally for them. They have profitable beliefs about public speaking.

What Is a Profitable Speaking Belief?

How to Face Your Fear of Public Speaking:

1.

2.

3.



Ground Yourself

Too often, people attend a presentation with a speaker who is not grounded. Imagine if physically, emotionally and mentally, you are sharp; you are alert and grounded with your audience, with little to no conative stress. If you’re not grounded when an audience comes to see you, then where does that presentation go? It usually ends up with you and the audience on two different planets.

Most people aren’t genuine and grounded throughout the day. How do you get to the point where you are at your best for each and every one of your presentations? The answer is to become more grounded. As speakers, we want to be on a planet that is very attractive and very grounded. This includes each and every time we’re getting ready to give another presentation. This section of this chapter shows you how to prepare to be your best, most attractive self for your presentations.

Imaging ranking every speaker you meet on how grounded and attractive he is with other people. Imagine further doing this with speakers. Most speakers that really struggle have a “grounded coefficient” of about 5%. That means they are grounded (and attractive), with very little conative stress, about 5% of the time during their presentations.

After working with a coach and really working on myself and my thoughts, I now have a 90% grounded coefficient on stage. Most speakers can probably get to 50% or 60%—if they do the work that’s in this chapter once every week or every other week. Most speakers could get to 90% if they worked on this every day.

Assume You Are Not Fully Grounded Very few speakers are actually grounded. Before you even start any of the exercises in this chapter, you should assume you don’t know what it feels like to be grounded. Assume you don’t have any clue. It’s like the first time you’re doing a backflip off the diving board.

You’re about to learn how to be grounded. It will take you a year to get there fully. Even if you think you know what it feels like to be grounded, you probably don’t. You need to work under that assumption. When you’re grounded, you don’t feel any shortness of breath. If a lion chased you, you’d start running and might breathe hard, but even in the presence of a lion chasing you, you could still keep a sound mind. That would be really hard for most people to do, but not if you are grounded.

How Do You Know When You’re Grounded?

1.

2.



Even worse, most speakers treat each of their presentations like a lion is chasing them. For example, if someone says to you, “I need you to do a presentation next week on a brand new topic,” most speakers treat that news as if a lion is chasing them. That’s called fight-or-flight response, and it’s not being grounded.

What Is “Fight or Flight”?

Most people (including most speakers) are in fight-or-flight mode most of the time. Grounding yourself means slowing down and getting out of fight-or-flight mode. If you show up to a presentation and you’re in fight-or-flight mode, you’re not thinking rationally.

Assume You Have Nothing to Prove to Anybody Here’s a question to ask yourself: how would you sound talking to your audience if you had nothing to prove? You know you’re there when you feel you have nothing to prove to anybody. Grounded means you are comfortable in your own skin. If you feel you need to prove anything to anybody, you have an opportunity to work on yourself. If you truly assumed you had nothing to prove to anybody, how would you speak to your audience differently? What would be a human-to-human conversation? That’s all you’re ever really having in your presentations anyway.

After you have said, out loud, that you have nothing to prove to anybody, and you actually believe it, the next step is simply to move forward. To move forward, you have a human-to-human conversation with your audience in that mindset where you have nothing to prove to anybody. When you’re in that grounded state, then you’re ready to move forward and have a speaker-to-audience conversation, such as a presentation.

How Do You Master Having Nothing to Prove to Anybody? We are just scratching the surface on this concept today. Getting to the point where you have nothing to prove to anybody is a challenge. You will not get there in this one chapter. You will need to do an entire program on this. We have created that program, and it’s coming up in this series. It’s called Master Your Mind.

If you don’t spend the time working on yourself and handling your fight-or-flight mode, then you’re living your life as if you were on the edge of a diving board. All it takes is a little bit of pressure for you to fall off.



Most speakers teeter on the edge of the diving board (on the edge of the irrational world). They may even feel like they’re competent, because they’re not “blowing up” all the time on stage. The problem is, they are playing with fire because when they’re at the edge of a diving board, any little thing could push them over.

Let’s take a look at an analogy. Do you know the person who works just enough to get by? He barely does what he needs to do. Anytime something gets in his way, he says, “Oh, shoot, I couldn’t get this done,” and then proceeds to explain the excuse as to why he couldn’t get it done. For example, he may say, “The internet was down.” If he was “playing from ahead” (from the back of the diving board), the task would have already been done anyways. If he is playing from ahead, then if the internet goes down, it doesn’t stop him. He is just back to his normal working routine and can start to “work ahead” again.

It’s the same thing with working on yourself and staying grounded. It’s staying away from the edge of the diving board. It’s a matter of having so much in reserves before you get to the irrational space that, eventually, you won’t want even to get close to the edge of that board anymore.

Being Grounded vs. Being in Fight or Flight

Situation Being in Fight or Flight Being Grounded

An audience member tells you she didn’t like your presentation.

You say, “This is my biggest hint to call it quits.”

You say, “Yup. That person didn’t like it, but you know what? There’s a a bunch of other people out there that did.”

You see an invitation on your calendar for a presentation that you don’t really want to speak at.

Your heartbeat goes up and you get scared about what you’re going to say (or you simply decline the invitation.)

You say, “I’m actually looking forward to this presentation, because the one presentation I’ve dreaded, now I can get it done and it’s off my plate.”

You forgot what you were going to say on stage.

You freak out, jump up and down, yell and leave the stage.

You stay calm and/or take ten.

Get Yourself Away from the Edge of the Diving Board Imagine if you could get yourself all the way to the back edge of the diving board. Now, if you’re speaking to an audience who is stressed out, ungrounded, and in their own fight-or-flight mode, and the audience attempts to push you toward falling off that diving board into the irrational world, then you’ve got a long way to go to get there.



Ground Yourself with Physical Exercises We have the ability to influence and affect others around us. The exercises in this section give us the best shot at being the most peaceful and genuine versions of ourselves when we’re speaking up there on stage. By grounding yourself physically, you will start to feel less fight or flight on a regular basis. That change will help you stay in your higher, rational brain more frequently, which, in turn, will allow you to feel more grounded when you speak. This shift will help you look and feel more attractive on stage, reduce your stage-stress, allow you to take on more gigs, and help you build relationships with your audience more easily.

Discover the Grounding Breathing Exercise The first exercise to ground yourself physically is a breathing exercise. You can think of it as the following pattern: breathe in for seven counts and out for eleven. Here’s how you do it. Start by closing your eyes. Once your eyes are closed, count it out: in for seven, out for eleven. It’s just breathing in for seven seconds. When you do this, count those seven seconds slowly. Next, breathe out for eleven seconds. You want to count this out as well. Then, just repeat this pattern three to five times. You’re done after you do three to five rounds of the seven in and eleven out. Once you’re done, you can just go back to normal breathing.

In for Seven…Out for Eleven 1. Close your eyes. 2. Breathe in for seven slow seconds. 3. Breathe out for eleven slow seconds. 4. Repeat this pattern three to five times. 5. Return to normal breathing.

Doing this short breathing exercise will start to take you out of your fight-or-flight mentality and get you back into a rational state of mind. By taking a couple of deep breaths, you give yourself a better chance at thinking rationally.

When’s the Best Time to Do This Breathing Exercise? As a speaker, you want to make this exercise a part of your daily routine. I repeat this pattern multiple times per day. At this point in my character building (grounding) efforts, I can feel the difference. If I’m not grounded, I go to the breathing exercise right away.

Back when I couldn’t recognize if I was grounded or not, I would practice this breathing pattern before every presentation. If I had five presentations in a week, I would do it five times. It’s so easy to do: just breathe in for seven seconds and out for eleven.



The breathing exercise above helps you feel grounded, but we want to do more. We want to be champions. When you want to get yourself to the point where you’re turning on the attractive juice, then there are a few more exercises to incorporate into your skill set.

Discover the Grounding Finger Exercise The next exercise is a visualization exercise using your fingers. It’s a seven-step visualization process. You can start by closing your eyes. Then, you want to get yourself in the right frame of mind to be thinking good things. Try picking your favorite place. Imagine yourself waking up there, and you just feel absolutely amazing.

Next, pick your favorite smell. It could be the ocean. It could be fresh cut grass. Then, pick your favorite sound. It could be a baby laughing. Next, pick a time in your life when you just felt amazing. It may be the time when you felt the most attractive and amazing ever. For me, it was when my parachute opened after I jumped out of plane for the very first time. I felt like a sense of peace. It felt amazing for me.

Hold all those thoughts in your mind, and then take your middle finger and your thumb and press them together while you’re thinking about those thoughts. Hold those thoughts and feelings while you press your thumb to your middle finger for fifteen seconds, and then you let go. Then, start the whole exercise again.

Seven Steps to the Grounding Finger Exercise Repeat these three times…

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Repeat the exact same steps above three times using the same components you used before: the same place, the same smell, the same sound, etc. Your middle finger pressed against your thumb will start to be the reminder of how this makes you feel. This is called your Pavlovian cue.



What Is a Pavlovian Cue? Ivan Pavlov did work in the twentieth century related to conditioning and behavior. He would ring a bell every time he fed his dogs. Since dogs tend to salivate whenever they smell food, eventually, they started to salivate whenever they heard the bell. A Pavlovian cue means expressing a conditioned or predictable reaction based on a certain environmental cue.

As you’re initially conditioning this Pavlovian cue for your body with your thumb and your fingers, you want to repeat it three times total. Eventually, when you want to ground yourself before a presentation, you don’t even have to go through this whole exercise anymore. You can simply press your middle finger to your thumbs right before you go into a meeting. Guess what happens? It triggers that amazingly positive, grounded response in your mind.

Imagine doing this before each and every one of your presentations. Prior to the exercise, when you were about to go into a presentation, you were probably often in fight-or-flight mode. Even the most grounded speakers get stuck in fight-or-flight mode once in a while, but when you start your breathing exercise and touch your middle fingers to your thumbs, you start to feel more grounded. When you do this right before your next presentation, it will feel like you’re powering up.

Apply These Physical Grounding Exercises Daily in Your Life These exercises come into play when you feel you have a lot to prove to people. Eventually, you won’t have much to prove to certain people, so you won’t need these exercises as much. They help you stop that feeling of inadequacy and become more grounded without much, if anything, to prove.

By breathing in and out and by touching your middle fingers to your thumbs while you think good thoughts, you are initially tricking your body into thinking it’s in a very safe place. The reality is that you are in a safe place; you just don’t trust it. You’re not tricking your body. You are proving to your body that you are in a safe place. Initially you have to “jump-start” your body to do that.

When you are first learning how to do this, you want to do the breathing and finger exercises before every meeting. When you start to get really good at this, you will start to do this just three times per day. Whenever you don’t feel like you’re on your A-game, you can take some deep breaths, push your fingers together, and voila! You are back in business.

You can do these exercises before every single presentation you do, but first, do them when you don’t have to. For example, when you first get up in the morning, do these exercises. You’re not under pressure at that time; there’s nothing to prove to anybody. The key is to feel the sensation of this exercise in a relaxed way first. Then, you can use these exercises in a pinch, such as right before a presentation, but it’s good to start practicing when you have nothing to prove.



Activity: Ground Yourself It’s your turn to ground yourself. The steps below will help you stay more grounded not just in your public speaking, but also in your everyday life.

Step One: Say (and believe) the following out loud to yourself: “I have nothing to prove to anybody.”

Step Two: Turn to the person sitting next to you and have a conversation with that person while you are in the mindset of having nothing to prove to anybody. Make a note of how that felt for you.

Step Three: Schedule three hours per week for the next three months to work on grounding yourself.

Step Four: Practice the grounding breathing exercise below

• Close your eyes.

• Breathe in as you count slowly for seven seconds.

• Breathe out as you count slowly for eleven seconds.

• Return to normal breathing.

• Pick out a place that feels amazing to you.

• Pick out your favorite smell.

• Pick out your favorite sound.

• Pick a time in your life when you felt amazing.

• Hold those thoughts for fifteen seconds while pressing your thumb to your middle finger.

• Repeat steps one through nine three times. After you finish this program, you will want to perform step four before every presentation that you have for the next three years. Once you start to get these under your belt, you can perform them just three times per day or whenever you don’t feel like you’re on your A-game.



Identify Your Negative Speaking Beliefs

When you look at all of the daily tasks of speaking, the ups and downs, preparation, stages, and audience members, it can be emotionally taxing. Because of this, speakers will often abandon their values. For example, some speakers love the performance. For other speakers, the performance may not feel genuine. What if somebody’s value is, “I don’t want to perform in front of people?” Well, great, we’re going to show you how not to do that. And, what that can do is align with your values.

That’s precisely what is so great about Rule the Room. We’re helping speakers from a values standpoint. We don’t say, “What is it going to take to get you on this stage today?” Instead, we’re teaching you how to communicate with people effectively so that you sell yourself.

Remember, the number one need of your audience (and any human being) is to feel safe. Being genuine makes them feel safe. Being genuine isn’t just being your natural personality. It’s also being true to your values and beliefs.

What are values and beliefs? It starts with not being fake. You can’t be grounded and be fake. If you don’t genuinely want to have a connection with an audience, don’t give that presentation. If you want to give a presentation, then give the presentation, but don’t do it because you think it’s a recipe for success.

A speaker friend of mine came over to my house to help me with some spring cleaning. When he got there, I asked him, “How’s your day going?” “Good,” he said, “but I really don’t want to have to go back to work today.” “Why not?” I replied. “Because it’s Friday and I’ve got to give a presentation today. I’m dreading it. I’ve got to get up there and I’ve got to talk to a bunch of people and I don’t want to do it.”

How about you? Do you enjoy presenting? There are many people out there that are not even open to presenting. Many present because they are forced to, but it’s like they are drinking just enough water to stay alive. They are presenting just enough people to survive—no more.

One of the biggest reasons for non-profitable speaking is negative speaking beliefs. Here’s the problem: most speakers don’t even realize they have negative speaking beliefs. Most speakers with negative speaking beliefs also don’t realize that the insides of their minds look very different than the inside of a million-dollar speaker with profitable beliefs.

Make Your Beliefs Serve You Better The first step is to get rid of your negative beliefs. The problem is that your brain cannot do this by itself. The higher brain has “tables” that represent each of your experiences. Some are negative, and some are positive.



Think of these tables like tiny, regular square tables, each with four legs. Every time you have a positive experience, your brain creates a “positive table” that gets suction cupped to your higher brain. Every time you have a negative experience, your brain creates a “negative table” that gets suction cupped to your higher brain.

If you have too many negative tables, then you can start to form a negative belief about yourself. The reason it is difficult to get rid of the negative belief is because if you try to rip that table out of your brain, what’s left? That’s right: nothing! Scientists call that psychosis (an absence of reality), and even a negative belief about yourself is more comfortable for your brain than nothing at all. You cannot ask someone to rip the negative tables out of his brain because there’s millions of little negative tables suctioned cupped to your brain.

What is a speaker to do then if he/she has a negative belief about public speaking?

Let’s take a look at a few examples starting with a young man named Ted who has been struggling with his fear of public speaking. He shared the conversation he had with a friend named Cynthia that only seemed to make it worse.

Ted: “I’m not good with public speaking.”

Cynthia: “No, you are a good speaker. You just did a presentation yesterday, and you got a great applause and feedback afterwards.”

Ted: “I know, I know, but I still can’t believe it. I still can’t believe I’m good with public speaking.”

What? Why is he denying the very reality that he just experienced? Because he has too many negative tables that are overriding the one positive experience (table) he had yesterday in his presentation.

Recall the speaker who said to me, “No other advice you give me will matter until I can overcome my fear. Once it sets in, I can’t think about anything else.” People freak out when they present because they have had bad experience after bad experience presenting, so they begin to believe that they’re a terrible speaker.

Eventually, when one of these people has a good presentation and you say, “You’re a good speaker,” it is like psychosis for him because when you try to pull all those negative tables out of his head, there’s nothing left there.

What is a Belief? A belief is a negative or positive statement you make about yourself based on experiences you’ve had in your life.

The Rule of Beliefs You cannot remove a negative belief. You can only replace it with a positive belief.



Remember, you can’t remove a negative belief. You can only starve it and replace it with a different, positive belief. You have to replace the negative tables with positive tables, and that eventually starves the negative tables.

Identify Your Negative Public Speaking Beliefs How do you avoid these negative beliefs when you’re standing on stage afraid in front of a bunch of people? First, you need to be present in the moment. Use your observing ego to observe yourself in real time. Why are you afraid? Then, it boils down to finding your negative beliefs. What are those negative beliefs and why? Start by asking yourself these two questions:

• What are your negative speaking beliefs?

• What runs around in your head when you’re about to do a presentation? Perhaps it’s the competency card (“I’m not prepared or good enough”). Maybe it’s not wanting to stir the bee’s nest (“I don’t want to upset these people”). Chances are, when you give your answer right now to those two questions, there’s what you would SAY and what actually EXISTS. Take a look at the following table:

What You Would Say What Actually Exists

• “I just don’t feel competent speaking in front of these people. I don’t feel like I can serve all these people and their needs.”

• “Speakers waste other people’s time.”

• “I just don’t know how to prepare or what to say. I’m just lost.”

• “When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time.”

The biggest ones we actually need to deal with are the ones that actually exist – i.e. the underlying issues. We actually need to deal with all four of these, but we need to start with the underlying issues. We need to start with the hardest ones first. Why start with the hardest ones? If you want to build an effective survey, they always say to give people the hardest questions first and end with the easiest ones, including their name as the last question. Most surveys are often the other way around.

Take a look at the table above one more time. Notice that the issue that is the hardest and most deep-seated, is: “I’m afraid of wasting other people’s time.” It is a deep, deep, deep-seated issue because it’s not just about speaking. It’s really related to your whole entire life. Most of the truly deep-seated, negative issues and beliefs that public speakers have are like this. They are often things we are not even conscious of, unless someone points them out to us.



Activity: Identify Your Negative Speaking Beliefs Now it’s your turn to identify your negative speaking beliefs. Start with the list below, and then add to that list whatever other speaking beliefs you may have. Circle or write them down below until you have your TOP TEN negative speaking beliefs that are currently holding you back.

“I don’t feel confident speaking in front of people.” “Speaking takes too much effort.” “I don’t know the right words to say when I speak to people.” “I upset people off when I’m speaking.” “When I speak in front of people, I’m using them.” “The people I’m speaking to don’t want to hear from me.” “The people I’m speaking to aren’t the right people.” “It takes so much time for me to prepare and I don’t have the time.” “I get rejected on stage.” “I’m just not a good speaker.” “Speaking just isn’t for me and my personality.” “I’m awkward in front of people.” “People don’t like listening to me.” “When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time.” ____________________________________________________

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Turn Your Fear into Confident Speaking Beliefs

How do you create a confident set of speaking beliefs? The answer is to detangle your fears and your negative thoughts about public speaking. It’s the opposite of fight or flight. Detangling your thoughts means you are addressing those fears and problems and replacing your negative chip sets with positive chip sets. Only then will you be able to replace the negative thoughts and fears with positive thoughts and confidence.

Detangle Your Thoughts To do this, let’s start by taking a look at an interview with Matt, a professional who was struggling with his fear of public speaking. You’ll get a front row seat into the exact questioning techniques we used with him to help him recognize those deep-seated negative beliefs he had about public speaking. You’ll get to see how we helped him turn those beliefs around into positive, confident speaking beliefs.

After this interview, you’ll get a chance to try this activity for yourself so that you can start turning your negative beliefs and your fear of public speaking into much more confident ones.

Step One: Write down your latest negative thought about public speaking. It could be a negative thought about yourself, your presentation, or public speaking in general. What is the dirty thought? Is it that you can’t? Is it that you shouldn’t speak in front of people? What’s the thought? Write it down.

Matt: “When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time.”

Step Two: Remove the sting from the thought. Call the dirty thought out for the imposter it is to give yourself instant relief.

Sing it to the tune of the happy birthday song.

Matt: “When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time. When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time. When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time. When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time.”

Sounds silly doesn’t it? Now, thank your mind for the thought.

Matt: “Hey mind. I’m having the thought that when I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time. Huh. That’s an interesting thought.”



Step Three: Identify who the negative thought makes you in front of your audience.

In the moment when you believe the thought (i.e. “When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time”), who does it make you?

Matt: “I don’t know.”

Who are you in that thought? Emotionally, who are you?

Matt: “What do you mean?”

Are you weak or powerful?

Matt: “Weak.”

Are you relatable or not relatable?

Matt: “Not relatable.”

Are you attractive or unattractive?

Matt: “Unattractive.”

Are you happy or sad?

Matt: “Sad.”

Are you enjoyable or boring?

Matt: “Boring.”

Are you easy to talk to or hard to talk to?

Matt: “Hard to talk to.”

Do you feel light or heavy?

Matt: “Heavy.”

Are you resourceful or limited?

Matt: “Limited.”

Are you focused or unfocused?

Matt: “Unfocused.”

Are you in the moment or somewhere else?

Matt: “Somewhere else.”

If you were going to speak in front of people and waste their time, what’s ironic is that if you do think you are in a weak, non-relatable, unfocused state of mind, then you’re probably going to come across as if you’re wasting their time. You’re creating their reality. Can you see how non-profitable and damaging this thought is?



Step Four: Prove to yourself that the thought is pointless for your life. Can you think of any stress-free reason to hold on to the thought? (When you think the thought, is there any time when it brings your stress level down?)

Matt: “No.”

Okay, so that’s the thought we’ve agreed upon. That’s really what’s crippling you. So, let’s keep that thought in our minds right now (“I’m wasting peoples’ time when I speak to them.”).

Next question: is that true?

Matt: “Well, yeah.”

Can you be absolutely certain it’s true that when you speak in front of people, you are wasting their time?

Matt: “Well, no.”

Are you sure?

Matt: “Yeah. I’m sure.”

Step Five: Replace the negative thought with a positive thought. Let’s replace the one not serving you very well with one that can serve you better. (Implant the new chip set.)

The Rule of Beliefs:

What was the original thought again?

Matt: “If I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time.”

Now, let’s turn the thought around.

Matt: “If I speak in front of people, I’m not wasting their time.”

Is this new thought as true as the original thought? (It doesn’t have to be truer, but is it as true?)

Matt (thinking): “Okay, if I speak in front of people, I’m not wasting their time. Yeah, that’s truer. Or maybe it’s just as true. Yes . . . it is at least as true that I’m NOT wasting their time as I am speaking to them.”

Okay. Are you sure about that?

Matt: “Yeah, it’s just as true.”



Shame vs. Guilt If you have trouble speaking in front of people because you’re afraid you’re wasting their time, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with this. They won’t be able to tell you the following, but it’s there subconsciously, and when they really get to the underlying cause of this, they realize something profound: they’re not going to feel comfortable speaking in front of people because they feel they really don’t deserve their attention.

• “I’m not good enough to deserve their attention, and if I waste their time, that’s further evidence that I don’t deserve to speak in front of them.”

It’s a conflict loop and this goes back to shaming.

• Guilt = “I made a mistake.”

• Shame = “I AM a mistake. There’s something wrong with me. There’s a deep belief that I’m not good enough.”

The good news is: there’s a solution to this negative belief (just as there’s a solution to any negative belief). Read on to find out what it is.

Step Six: Imagine who you would be if the old negative thought didn’t exist and the new positive thought were true. Now, let’s imagine the thought doesn’t even exist. In this case, what if you literally said: “What are you talking about? I’ve got some great information that could really help people. They can’t get this information unless they hear it from me. That’s the only way people are going to hear it.”

If you had to describe yourself standing up on stage with that new positive thought, what kind of speaker would you be?

Matt: “What do you mean?”

Would you be relatable or not relatable?

Matt: “Relatable.”

Would you be attractive or unattractive?

Matt: “Attractive.”

Would you feel powerful or weak?

Matt: “Powerful.”

Would you be happy or sad?

Matt: “Happy.”



Would you be enjoyable or boring?

Matt: “Enjoyable.”

Would you be easy to talk to or hard to talk to?

Matt: “Easy to talk to.”

Would you feel light or heavy?

Matt: “Light.”

Would you be resourceful or limited?

Matt: “Resourceful.”

Would you be focused or unfocused?

Matt: “Focused.”

Would you be in the moment or somewhere else?

Matt: “In the moment.”

Step Seven: List three reasons why you know the new positive thought is true. Give me three reasons why it’s as true, if not more true, that when you speak in front of people, you’re NOT wasting their time.

Matt: “Well, if I speak in front of people, it’s their choice if they want to listen. It’s their issue. It’s not even my issue in the first place.”

That’s a good one. What’s another reason why when you’re speaking in front of people, you’re not wasting their time?

Matt: “Well, people genuinely want to learn new information and grow. They do. If I don’t give them the opportunity, I’m actually starving them of the opportunity to grow.”

And what would the third reason be?

Matt: “Aw geez, this is a toughie. Isn’t two good enough?”

No, two is not good enough.

Matt: “Alright, let me come up with a third one. Third one is . . . it’s okay to speak in front of people and share with them what I know.”

Alright, great. Write that one down too. Now, summarize the three reasons again in your own words:

Matt:

o 1) “It’s their choice if they want to listen. It’s not even my business.”



o 2) “People want to learn and grow. I’m giving them an opportunity to grow.”

o 3) “It’s okay to speak in front of people.” Those are three positive reasons that will help you drown out and starve the negative thought.

Step Eight: Say the new positive thought out loud. The next time you feel the negative thought coming on, say the positive one in your mind. If you don’t believe it, say the reasons, out loud, why you know the new thought is true.

Matt: “When I speak in front of people, it’s their choice if they want to listen. It’s their issue. It’s not even my issue in the first place. People genuinely want to learn and grow. They do. If I don’t give them the opportunity, I’m actually starving them of the opportunity to grow. It’s okay to speak in front of people.”



Write Positive Thoughts with Positive Words The human brain cannot respond to a negative statement. For example, what happens if you tell a two-year-old to NOT jump? They jump. What if you say, “Stand still”? They stand still.

The same is true with your positive beliefs. You cannot remove a negative belief. You can only replace it with a positive one. The problem is that when somebody has a negative thought, for them to jump from negative to positive is very difficult.

That’s why we have the turnaround belief in the middle. It gives them a stepping stone. To write a positive belief, start by “turning around” the negative belief with the word “not.” Then, restate the belief in positive form.

Take a look at Matt’s example:

• Negative thought: “I’m wasting peoples’ time when I speak to them.”

• Turnaround thought: “I’m NOT wasting peoples’ time when I speak to them.”

• Positive thought: “I’m enhancing their time when I speak to them.”

Here’s another example:

• Negative thought: “I get rejected when I speak.”

• Turnaround thought: “I’m not rejected when I speak.”

• Positive thought: “People accept me when I speak.” Some negative thoughts make it very easy to come up with positive counterpoint thoughts. For example:

• Negative thought: “People don’t like listening to me.”

• Positive thought: “People like listening to me.”

Key: Ensure that all your positive beliefs have only positive words in them.



Activity: Turn Your Fear into Confident Speaking Beliefs

Now it’s your turn to turn your negative public speaking fears and thoughts into positive and confident speaking beliefs. Work with the person next to you to walk through the following steps. Then switch places.

Step One: Write down your latest and dirtiest negative thought about public speaking. (It could be a negative thought about yourself, your presentation, or public speaking in general.) ________________________________________________________

Step Two: Remove the sting from the thought. Call the dirty thought out for the imposter it is to give yourself instant relief.

• Sing it to the tune of the happy birthday song.

• Thank your mind for the thought.

Step Three: Identify who the negative thought makes you in front of your audience. How does it make you feel when you believe the thought? ________________________________________________________

• Are you relatable or not relatable?________________________

• Are you attractive or unattractive?_________________________

• Do you feel powerful or weak?____________________________

• Are you happy or sad?__________________________________

• Are you enjoyable or boring?_____________________________

• Are you easy to talk to or hard to talk to?____________________

• Do you feel light or heavy?_______________________________

• Are you resourceful or limited?_____________________________

• Are you focused or unfocused?_____________________________

• Are you in the moment or somewhere else?____________________

Step Four: Prove to yourself that the thought is pointless for your life.

• Can you think of any stress-free reason to hold on to the thought?______

Step Five: Replace the negative thought with a positive thought. Replace the negative thought that is not serving you very well with a positive thought that



can serve you better.

• Original negative thought = __________________________________

• New positive thought = _______________________________________

• Is this NEW thought as true as the original thought?__________

Step Six: Imagine who you would be if the old negative thought didn’t exist and the new thought were true. If you had to describe yourself standing up on stage with that new thought, what kind of speaker would you be?

• Would you be relatable or not relatable?________________________ • Would you be attractive or unattractive?_________________________

• Would you feel powerful or weak?_____________________________

• Would you be happy or sad?__________________________________

• Would you be enjoyable or boring?_____________________________

• Would you be easy to talk to or hard to talk to?____________________

• Would you feel light or heavy?_________________________________

• Would you be resourceful or limited?____________________________

• Would you be focused or unfocused?_____________________________

• Would you be in the moment or somewhere else?___________________

Step Seven: List three reasons why you know the new thought is true.

• ________________________________________________________ • ________________________________________________________

• ________________________________________________________ Those are three positive reasons that will help you drown out and starve the negative thought.

Step Eight: Make the new positive statement. • The next time you feel the negative thought about yourself and public

speaking, say the positive one in your mind.

• If you don’t believe it, say the reasons, out loud, why you know the new thought is true.



Notes: Face Your Fear of Public Speaking



Your Turn to Face Your Fears of Public Speaking

Turn your negative fears of public speaking into confident speaking beliefs.

Review and Exercises Items flagged with arrows require action on your part. If you are uncertain how to proceed, reread the appropriate section in this lesson.

Ground Yourself Say (and believe) the following out loud to yourself: “I have nothing to

prove to anybody.”

Have a conversation with a person while you are in the mindset of having nothing to prove to anybody. Make a note of how that felt for you.

Schedule three hours per week for the next three months to work on grounding yourself.

Practice the grounding breathing exercise below

• Close your eyes.

• Breathe in as you count slowly for seven seconds.

• Breathe out as you count slowly for eleven seconds.

• Return to normal breathing.

• Pick out a place that feels amazing to you.

• Pick out your favorite smell.

• Pick out your favorite sound.

• Pick a time in your life when you felt amazing.

• Hold those thoughts for fifteen seconds while pressing your thumb to your middle finger.

• Repeat steps one through nine three times. Perform the above breathing exercise before every presentation that you

have for the next three years.

Identify Your Negative Speaking Beliefs Circle or write them down below your top ten negative speaking beliefs

that are currently holding you back.

• “I don’t feel confident speaking in front of people.”

• “Speaking takes too much effort.”



• “I don’t know the right words to say when I speak to people.”

• “I upset people off when I’m speaking.”

• “When I speak in front of people, I’m using them.”

• “The people I’m speaking to don’t want to hear from me.”

• “The people I’m speaking to aren’t the right people.”

• “It takes too much time for me to prepare.”

• “I get rejected on stage.”

• “I’m just not a good speaker.”

• “Speaking just isn’t for me and my personality.”

• “I’m awkward in front of people.”

• “People don’t like listening to me.”

• “When I speak in front of people, I’m wasting their time.”

• Other?________________________________________________

Turn Your Fear into Confident Speaking Beliefs Write down your latest and dirtiest negative thought about public

speaking.

Remove the sting from the thought by one of the following:

• Sing it to the tune of the happy birthday song.

• Thank your mind for the thought. Identify who the negative thought makes you in front of your audience. Prove to yourself that the thought is pointless for your life. Can you think

of any stress-free reason to hold on to the thought?

Replace the negative thought that is not serving you very well with one that can serve you better.

Imagine who you would be if the old negative thought didn’t exist and the new thought were true. If you had to describe yourself standing up on stage with that new thought, what kind of speaker would you be?

List three reasons why you know the new thought is true. Make the new positive statement. The next time you feel the negative

thought about yourself and public speaking, say the positive one in your mind. If you don’t believe it, say the reasons, out loud, why you know the new thought is true.



Session 2: Create a No-Fear Presentation

Make speaking as easy and routine as brushing your teeth It was the year 2012. I had just finished a keynote speech about public speaking, and a dozen people came up towards me after the speech and stood in line waiting to talk to me. One of them actually waited until the very end of the line so that he could talk to me privately about his fear of public speaking.

He came up to me and started telling me how much he learned in the presentation and how grateful he was for all the techniques. Then he said something to me that inspired the entire program you are reading about right now. He said, “While all that stuff is great that you taught today, no other advice you give me will matter until I can overcome my fear. Once it sets in, I can’t think about anything else.”

His wasn’t the typical nervous fear either. He was terrified of public speaking. I asked him to describe that fear, and he said, “When I stand up in front of my audience, no matter how big or how small, I can't speak and I forgot everything I was going to say. I can’t breathe. I can’t talk in a clear or normal voice. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t hide the excessive sweating. I can’t hide the color of my face, and I don’t appear confident.”

After hearing this, I looked him in the eyes, after everyone had left the room, and I said, “Nobody is born an amazing public speaker. That trait is learned, and there is a specific recipe you can use to do it. I can teach it to you if you want.”

He looked at me and said, “Yes, absolutely.”

Over the course of the next month, he worked through everything you are learning about in this program. One month later, he delivered his next big presentation, and he got rave reviews. He was so thankful that he wrote me a letter.



I want to share with you this letter so that you can see how he was able to overcome his fear of public speaking as a result of the recipes in this book. This letter is real. The process we went through is the same process you will go through. He gave me permission to share this with you because of how profoundly it affected his life and how much he believes in sharing it with others.

It’s one thing to face your fears. It’s another to be a fearless public speaker with an recipe for presentation success. That’s what you’re learning in this program. To better understand this, let’s take a look at another task we all do in our lives – brushing our teeth. Do you have any negative beliefs about brushing your teeth?

Dear Jason, Thank you so much for helping me conquer my fear of public speaking. I was able to give my presentation effectively in front of a crowd without the security of a podium or table. To spectators, I looked and sounded confident. My body did not betray me with shakes or stutters which is really all I was going for. I was almost surprised how easy it was once I got into it. Even better, now that I have done it once, I feel much more confident about doing it again. Having concrete evidence that I can get up there and not fall apart feels good. And my guess is that with these types of things, you build a momentum. Much like how you can spiral out of control then crash and burn, you can have a positive feedback loop. Now that I am better at public speaking, I feel more confident, which makes me better again and become even more confident. Hopefully I can keep the trend. Subconscious aspects aside, there are technical things I have learned that have made me a better presenter.

Preparation Nothing helped more than knowing my material and what I was going to say next. It is important not to have to think about what to say. This frees up your mind to concentrate on your delivery and audience. In addition, expertise is a great confidence booster. Specifically, I extensively researched my topic, knew my material backwards and rehearsed my presentation at least half a dozen times. I also made sure that a number of those rehearsals took place in the venue where I was going to present. At the end, the entire talk was second nature and I could relatively relax during the execution.

Momentum The first 30 seconds are the hardest. That is the time when the nervousness that has been building all day hits its peak. But once you get going, have some audience participation and enjoy a couple laughs, everything evens out. I hate to admit it, but Jason is right about the Circle of Knowledge tool. It is easy to run and got me through my first couple minutes. After that, it was smooth sailing.



When you wake up and get out of bed in the morning, what goes through your mind when it’s time to brush your teeth? Do you spend up to four hours a day anxiously worrying about brushing your teeth?

Last time I checked, toothpaste didn’t taste very good. Yet, many people actually enjoy brushing their teeth. Why? Would you eat toothpaste by itself? Would you put it on a cracker and eat it? No. It’s terrible. Then why do you put that bad tasting toothpaste on your toothbrush every morning and brush your teeth?

The answer for most adults is that they know what it feels like when they’re done. As a competent adult, you don’t even think about brushing your teeth anymore. It’s like second nature to just brush your teeth. Think of public speaking like brushing your teeth in the morning. When you stand up on that stage, it should be the same process. What is this process?

1. You need a good strategy on how to prepare your presentation. Most speakers procrastinate until they’re on fire.

2. You need your own opening language. Most speakers have scratched the surface on this, and even gotten closer, but haven’t gotten there yet.

3. You need a good environment for practicing. Again, most speakers have only scratched the surface.

There aren’t many speakers who have all three of those skills and still have negative speaking beliefs. That’s because profitable speaking beliefs are a prerequisite to all of these skills. Without the profitable speaking beliefs we learned in session one of this program, these skills can’t be harnessed and mastered as well. Establishing profitable speaking beliefs and creating a fail-safe presentation can pay hefty retention dividends. Imagine the following scenarios:

You can speak and remember everything you want to say. You can breathe when you speak in front of people. You can talk in a clear and normal voice. You can handle any shaking or nerves that come your way. You can hide your excessive sweating. You overcome and even eliminate your face from turning colors. You appear confident. Your audience is happy and entertained.

Establishing profitable speaking beliefs and creating a fail-safe presentation will clear the roadblocks for you to be open to even learning about presentation delivery and confidence. It’s like brushing your teeth. If you’re teaching a child that does not want to brush their teeth, you could spend three hours with that child learning how to brush their teeth that day.



If the child says, “I don’t like the taste of toothpaste”, or he says, “I think this toothpaste is actually going to rot my teeth”, then no matter what strategy we give that child on how to brush his teeth, he won’t be as open to it.

Each of us has beliefs in our minds when we speak in front of people. How you prepare and practice will affect how you establish those beliefs. A fail-safe preparation and practice regime can lead to more speaking success as opposed to taking away from success.

Let’s start by identifying some of the common times when presenters get nervous. In all my years of presenting and observing others do the same, I’ve discovered there are ten main moments that commonly cause the nerves. Do me a favor. Next to each of these, check off whether you get nervous during that time. If so, write down what it looks like or feels like for you.

1. Discovering you have to do a presentation 2. Thinking and procrastinating about the presentation 3. Writing the presentation 4. Practicing the presentation 5. Rewriting and practicing the prese

Understand Your Learners - Skillshare · 2019. 3. 26. · Pitch: market your business . How to...

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