Uncle s Dream

8/3/2019 Uncle s Dream

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Uncle's Dream:By FEDOR DOSTOIEFFSKY

Maria Alecsandrovna I am so pleased, Pavel Alexandrovitch so pleased that youhave brought this dear prince with you. You don't know how I love that fascinatingold man. I was his guide, his sister, his mother! Do you know, Pavel Alexandrovitch,perhaps you have saved him by bringing him to me? People say that that wretch of a woman has bewitched and ruined him; we must save him from this woman. Tellme again, how did you manage it?

Pavel Alecsandrovici. I had driven all night, and not slept a wink. At the laststation, Igishova I shouted: let's have fresh horses quick. I frightened the post-station man's wife out of her wits. I jumped on the road. Well, the sunrise wassplendid — fine frosty morning — lovely! But I hadn't time to look at anything. Ihave been told that some prince had driven off a quarter of an hour ago. Well, at aturn of the road, I saw that some surprising event had happened. A huge travellingcarriage was lying on its side ; the coachman and two flunkeys stood outside it,apparently dazed, while from inside the carriage came heart-rending lamentations

and cries. I thought I’d pass by because it was no affair of mine: but humanityInsisted, I think it is Heine who says that humanity shoves its nose in everywhere!So I stopped; and my driver and myself, with the other fellows, lifted the carriage onto its wheels.

I thought to myself, “Is this that very prince they mentioned?” So, I looked in.Good Heavens! It was our prince! I yelled at him, “Prince — uncle!” Of course hehardly knew me at the first glance, but he very soon recognized me. At least, I don'tbelieve he knows who I am really, even now; I think he takes me for someone else,not a relation. I told him my name, and he embraced me ecstatically; and all thewhile he himself was crying and trembling with fright. He really was crying I'll takemy oath he was!

I persuaded him to get into my trap with me, and call in at Mordasoff, if only

for one day, to rest and compose his feelings. He told me that StepanidaMatveyevna had had a letter from Moscow, saying that her father, or daughter, orboth, with all her family, were dying; and that she had wavered for a long time, andat last determined to go away for ten days. The prince sat out one day, and thenanother, and then a third, measuring wigs, and powdering and pomading himself;then he grew sick of it, and determined to go and see an old friend, a priest calledMisael, who lived at the Svetozersk Hermitage. So he started last night after dinner,slept at Igishova, and went off this morning again, at sunrise. Just at the turn goingdown to the Reverend Mr. Misael's, the carriage went over, and the prince with it.

Then I step in and save the prince, and persuade him to come and pay a visitto our mutual friend, Maria Alexandrovna. And so here we are, and the prince is nowupstairs attending to his wigs and so on, with the help of his valet; because hewould sooner die than appear before ladies without certain little secret touches orperhaps I shall call them remakes. That's the whole story. Eine eilerlibste gesiste

Maria Alecsandrovna...Why, what a humourist he is, isn't he, Zina?" Howbeautifully you told the story ! But Pole explain to me clearly how you are relatedto the prince; you call him uncle!

Pavel Alecsandrovici. I really don't know, Maria Alexandrovna; seventh, cousin Ithink, or something of that sort. My aunt knows all about it; it was she who mademe go down to see him at Donchanova, when I got kicked out by StepanidaMatveevna with a broomstick! I simply call him ' uncle,' and he answers me; that's

about all our relationship.



Maria Alecsandrovna Well, I repeat, it was Providence that made you bring himto my house. I tremble to think of what might have happened to the poor dearprince if somebody else, and not I, had got hold of him.

Nastasia Petrovna... But, my dear good Maria Alexandrovna — as if he wouldever think of bringing him anywhere but to yourself, you don't suppose he wouldhave taken the prince to Mrs Antipova's, surely, do you ?

Maria Alecsandrovna... Dear me, how very long he is coming out!

Pavel Alecsandrovici Who, uncle? He'll probably be another five hours or soputting himself together ; besides, since he has no memory whatever, he has verylikely quite forgotten that he has come to your house ! Why, he's a mostextraordinary map, Maria Alexandrovna.

Maria Alecsandrovna.. Oh don't, don't! Don't talk like that!

Pavel Alecsandrovici But he is a lump of composition, not a man at all! He is half

a corpse; he's only the memory of a man; they've forgotten to bury him! Why, hiseye is made of glass, and his leg of cork, and he goes on wires; he even talks onwires!

Maria Alecsandrovna.. What nonsense you talk. He is a relic of our oldaristocracy. My dear young friend, that all this flightiness on your part, proceedsfrom those new ideas but I'm a mother I've seen more of life than you have. Aprince is a prince either in a hovel or in a palace! My dear Paul you'll understand allthis much better than I can explain it. I'm just going upstairs to make inquiries afterthe prince, he may want something.

Nastasia Petrovna... Maria Alexandrovna seems highly delighted that Mrs.

Antipova, who thinks so much of herself, did not get hold of the prince! Mrs.Antipova must be gnashing her teeth with annoyance just now! She's a relation,too, as I’ve been pointing out to Maria Alexandrovna.

Pavel Alecsandrovici Zenaida Afanassievna, are you angry with me?

Zina With you? Why?

Pavel Alecsandrovici For coming earlier. I couldn't help it; I couldn't wait anotherfortnight; I dreamed of you every night; so I flew off to learn my fate. But you arefrowning, you are angry; am I really not to hear anything definite, even now?

Zina I supposed you would speak of this, and as the expectation of it was verytedious, the sooner you say it, the better! Do you insist upon an answer again? Verywell, I say that, just as I said it before. I now repeat, as I did then, that I have not asyet decided, and cannot therefore promise to be your wife. You cannot force a girlto such a decision, Pavel Alexandrovitch ! However, to relieve your mind, I will add,that I do not as yet refuse you absolutely ; and pray observe that I give you thusmuch hope of a favourable reply, merely out of forced deference to your impatienceand agitation ; and that if I think fit afterwards to reject you altogether, you are notto blame me for having given you false hopes. So now you know.

Pavel Alecsandrovici Oh, but what's the use of that ? What hope am I to get out

of that, Zina?



Zina… Recollect what I have said, and draw whatever you please from the words;that's your business. I shall add nothing. I do not refuse you; I merely say — wait!And I repeat, I reserve the free right of rejecting you afterwards if I choose so to do.

Just one more word: if you come here before the fixed time relying on outsideprotection, or even on my mother's influence to help you gain your end, let me tellyou, you make a great mistake.

Nastasia Petrovna.. Mrs. Antipova has sent her maid over to inquire about theprince already. How angry she must be feeling just now.

Maria Alecsandrovna.. And what's that to me! I am surprised. Why do you think,that that wretched woman is my enemy? She may be first, if she likes. I can go andcongratulate her. She is young and likes to wear; she coquets and makes eyes ateverybody who looks at her. But why do people tell her that she's pretty? Especiallyas she only has a pale face, and nothing else. She is amusing at a dance, I admitbut why do people tell her that she dances the polka so well? She talks scandal; butthat's the custom of the place who doesn't here? That fellow, Sushiloff, with hiswhiskers, goes to see her pretty often while her husband plays cards. May be all

that talk about her is a lie. So I always take her part in every way. But, goodheavens! Here’s the prince at last! This is he! This is he! I recognize him! At last Isee you! At last, my Prince! Six years, prince, six whole long years since we saweach other, and not a letter, not a little tiny scrap of a note all the while. Oh! Butyou’ve not changed; you’ve not changed a bit! But, tea! Tea! Good Heavens,Nastasia Petrovna,

K... Thanks, thanks; I'm sorry! Very sorry; fancy, I could come last year, but theytold me there was cholera here.

M... no no my diar there was no cholera here

P... There was some flu disease here, uncle. All the pigs died!

K … Yes, swine flu or something of that sort. Well; and how's your husband, my dearAnna Nicolaevna, still at his prosecutor work?

M... No, prince! My husband is not a prosecutor.

P… I bet that uncle has mixed you up with Anna Nicolaevna!

K … Yes, of course, Anna Nicolaevna. What, NO? Antipovna, Antiponva, of course!

M… No, prince, you have made a great mistake, I am not Anna Nicolaevna at all,and I should never have believed that you would not recognise me. I am your oldfriend, Maria Alexandrovna Moskaloff. Don't you remember Maria Alexandrovna?

K… Maria Alexandrovna and I thought you were going to take me to this AnnaMatveyevna. So you're not Nastasia Vasilievna?

M… I'm Maria Alexandrovna, prince; Maria Aiexandrovna, oh! Prince, you forgotyour best, best friend!

K…Best friend; best friend, forgive me! Pardon, pardon!

M…That's my daughter Zina.

K…." Oh, your daughter! Charmante, Charmante, Mais quelle beauté! Beautiful!



M… But, prince what is this dreadful occurrence I hear of? Were you not hurt at all?

K … The coachman upset me! I thought it was the end of the world, or somethinglike that. I trust you, my friend, to look into the matter. It was an attempt on my life!

P… All right, all right, uncle, I'll see about it but don’t you think you could forgivehim, just this once, uncle; just this once?

K… NO, not for anything! I'm sure he wants my life, he and Lavrenty too. It's thenew ideas; it’s Communism, in the fullest sense of the word. I fear to meet themanywhere.

M… You are right, you are quite right, prince. You don't know how I suffer myself from these wretched people. How stupid they are!

K… Yes! Quite so! But, you know I like a flunky to look stupid; it gives thempresence. For example Terenty, Terenty! Well, the first time I saw him I said: You

shall be my hall porter. He is so stupid, phenomenally stupid, he looks like a sheep;but his dignity is wonderful. He seems to be composing some dissertation. He's justlike the German philosopher, Kant, or like some fat old turkey! M... But, prince, how clever how humorous you are! And for a man like you toeschew all society, and shut yourself up for five years! With such talents! Why,prince, you could write you could be an author. You could emulate Von Vezin,Griboedoff, Google tfiu Gogol.

K… Yes, yes! I used to be a very witty fellow indeed, some time ago. I even wrote aplay once. It had some very smart couplets!

M… Oh! How nice it would be to read it over.

K… Certainly, certainly, I would even rewrite it for you. I remember there were twosuch epigrams that I recollect when I was abroad I made a real furore. I rememberLord Byron; we were great friends; you should have seen him dance the mazurkaone day during the Vienna Congress.

P… Lord Byron, uncle? Surely not!

K… Yes, Lord Byron. Or perhaps it was not Lord Byron, perhaps it was someoneelse; no, it was some Pole!

M… But do let me hear how you have employed your time in your solitude, dearprince, I am burning with impatience to hear more about you.

K… Employed my time? Oh, very busy; very busy, generally. I rest a part of the dayand the second I imagine a lot of things.

P… I should think you have a very strong imagination, haven't you, uncle?

K … Exceptionally so, my dear fellow. I sometimes imagine things which amaze evenmyself! When I was at Kadueff, by-the-by, you were vice-governor of Kadueff!?

P… I, uncle! Aren’t you mistaken something?



K… No? Just fancy, my dear fellow! I’ve been thinking it was you! It was reallystrange for me how did you managed to change so much? That vice governor wassmart and nice-looking and he was always writing verses, too.

M... No, prince, you'll ruin yourself. You are a lost man. Ask any one of those wholove you, they'll all tell you the same; you're a lost man!

K… No, really?

M… Yes, I assure you! I am speaking to you as a sister as a friend! You must changeyour way of living; otherwise you will fall ill, and break up, and die.

K… Oh God! I don’t want to die so soon! You are right about being ill. I have thisillness called hemorrhoids. I'll tell you all the symptoms. Firstly I…

P… Uncle, maybe some other time!

K… Yes, perhaps. It's a most interesting case…

P… some other time, Uncle!

K … Yes, perhaps. It's a very…

P… some other time, Uncle!!!

K … Yes, perhaps. I will tell you about these cases today evening, at diner.

M… But listen, my dear prince! Why don't you try being doctored abroad?

K … Abroad? Yes, yes, I shall certainly go abroad. I remember when I was abroad; it

was delightfully gay and jolly. I very nearly married a viscountess, a French woman.I was fearfully in love, but somebody else married her. I had only gone away for acouple of hours, and this German baron fellow came and carried her off! He wentinto a mad-house afterwards

M… There are such good doctors abroad! You have to change your life and leaveyour Donchanovo.

K… Certainly, certainly! I’ve long meant to do it. I’m going to try hydropathy!

M… Hydropathy ?

K… Yes. I've tried it once before: I was abroad, and there was a nice lady in herseventeen… Seventy and her young daughter having about fifteen… Fifty, youknow, and they persuaded me to try drinking the waters. I was okay, but I agreed,

just out of delicacy. So I drank, and drank, and drank up a whole waterfall; and Iassure you if I hadn't fallen ill just then I should have been quite well, thanks to thewater!... But, I confess, you've scared me so about these maladies and things, I feelquite put out. I’ll come back directly!

M…Why, prince, where are you off to?

K… Directly, directly. I'm just going to note down an idea!

P… What sort of idea? Well, what do you think?



M… I cannot understand what do you see in him to laugh at?

P… I laugh because he does not recognize people and talks such nonsense!

M… That's simply the result of his sad life under the guardianship of that she-devil!

P… Do you know what —we must find him a wife!

M… Oh, Mr. Mosgliakoff, you are too bad; you really are too bad.

P… No, no, Maria Alexandrovna ; I assure you, this time I'm speaking in allseriousness I Why not marry him off? Isn't it rather a brilliant idea? In the first place,he will get rid of that fox of a woman; and, secondly, he may find some girl, orbetter still some widow— kind and first off all poor, who will look after him as hisown daughter would! And what could be better for the old fellow than to have sucha person about him, rather than the — woman he has now? Of course she must benice-looking, for uncle appreciates good looks; didn't you observe how he staredwith his only eye at Miss Zina?

N… But how will you find him such a bride ?

P… What a question! Why, you, yourself, if you pleased! In the first place, you aregood-looking, you are a widow, you are generous, you are poor; at least I don't thinkyou are very rich. Then you are a very reasonable woman: you'll learn to love him,and take your husband abroad, where you will feed him on pudding and lollipops tillthe moment of his quitting this wicked world, which will be in about a year, or in acouple of months perhaps. After that, you emerge a princess, a rich widow, and, asa prize for your goodness to the old gentleman, you'll marry a fine young marquis,or a governor-general, or somebody of the sort. C’est joli!

N… Tfu I Goodness me! I should fall in love with him at once, out of pure gratitude,if he only proposed to me! But, of course, it's all nonsense!

P… Nonsense, is it? Shall I make it sound sense, then, for you? Ask me prettily, andif I don't make you his betrothed by this evening, you may cut my little finger off!Why, there's nothing easier than to talk uncle into anything you please! He'll onlysay, yes, yes,' just as now! We'll marry him so that he doesn't know anything aboutit, if you like? It's for his own good; it's out of pity for himself! And by-the-byNastasia Petrovna, go better put on some smart clothes!

N… I know, I know I look horridly untidy! I go about anyhow, nowadays! There'snothing to dress for. Do I really look like a regular cook?

M… All this is very nice, of course; but at the same time it is nonsense!

P… Why, why, my good Maria Alexandrovna? Why is it such nonsense?

M…. For many reasons; and, principally because you are, as the prince is also, aguest in my house; and I cannot permit anyone to forget their respect towards myestablishment! I shall consider your words as a joke, Paul Alexandrovitch.

K… Here I am! It's a wonderful thing how many good ideas of all sorts I'm havingduring the… during the day!

P… Probably the result of your accident, today, uncle! Your nerves got shaken up,you see, and they buzz



K… Buzzz, but we must go!

M… But I hope, dear prince that you will only call upon the governor! You are minenow. Prince; Remember one thing, dear Prince that I am your sister, your nurse,your guardian for to-day at least, and oh! I tremble for you. You don't know thesepeople, Prince,

P… Trust me, Maria Alexandrovna!

M… Oh but you're so hellicat. I shall wait for you, Prince. How sorry I am that myhusband is in the country now. He loves you too and respects you so much!

K … Your husband? Dear me! You have a husband, too!

M… Don’t you remember Afanassy Matveyevitch!

K… Afanassy Martinovitch. Dear me! And in the country! mais c’est délicieux! So

you have a husband!Dear me, I remember a vaudeville very like that, something about: The husband's here,And his wife at Tvere.

Au revoir, madame ; adieu, ma demoiselle!

M… Come back to meal, prince! Don’t forget to come back here quick! NastasiaPetrovna, I think you had better go and see what is doing in the kitchen!

M… I wish to ask you Zina. What do you think about that Mozgleakov?

Z… You have known my opinion of him for a long time!

M… I think he is getting just a little too troublesome (obsessive)

Z… Oh, but he says he is in love with me, in which case his importunity ispardonable

M… Strange! You used not to be so ready to find his offences pardonable.

Z… Strange, too, that you always defended him, and were so very anxious that Ishould marry him!

M.. Yes ; I don't deny, Zina. I wanted to see you married to Mosgliakoff! It waspainful to me to see your continual grief, your sufferings, We are not rich; we cannotgo abroad. All the asses in the place prick their long ears, and wonder that you areunmarried at twenty-three years old; there are no husbands for you in this place,Zina. Of course Paul Mosgliakoff is a silly sort of a fellow, but he is better than thesepeople here and he has 150 serfs and landed property, but I give you my solemnword, I never had any real sympathy for him!

Z… What is the use of beating about the bush, when the whole thing lies in a coupleof words?

M… Beating about the bush, Zina? Is that the way to speak to your mother? But

what am I? You have long looked upon me as your enemy, and not as your motherat all!



Z… Oh, come on mother! You and I are beyond quarrelling about an expression!

M… But you offend me, my child! You will not believe that I am ready to doeverything for your happiness!

Z… I hope you wouldn’t like to marry me to this old prince, now, in order toestablish my destiny!

M… I have not said a word about it but I will say that if you were to marry the princeit would be a very happy thing for you.

Z… Oh! Well, I consider the idea grate nonsense! Nonsense, humbug! And what'smore, I think you have a good deal too much poetical inspiration, mamma; you area woman poet in the fullest sense of the term, and they call you by that name here!

You are always full of projects; and the impracticability and absurdity of your ideasdoes not in the least discourage you. I felt, when the prince was sitting here, thatyou had that notion in your head. When Mosgliakoff was talking nonsense thereabout marrying the old man to somebody I read all your thoughts in your face.

However, as your perpetual projects on my behalf are beginning to weary me todeath, I must beg you not to say one word about it, not one wordy mamma; do youhear me? Not out word!

M... You are a child, Zina a poor sick child, You speak to your poor motherdisrespectfully , you wound me deeply and I am your mother, and, first of all, I am aChristian woman! I must bear it all, and forgive it. But one word, Zina… If I realythink about your union with the Prince why do you consider that it is absurd?

Z… I'll tell you why, if you can't see for yourself. Not to mention all the otherevident absurdities of the plan, to take advantage of the weakened wits of a poorold man, and deceive him and marry him —an old cripple, in order to get hold of his

money, and then every day and every hour to wish for his death, is, in my opinion,not only nonsense, but so mean, mean, mamma, that I…..

M… Zina, do you remember all that happened two years ago?

Z… Mamma! You promised me solemnly never to mention that again.

M…. These two years of silence have been terrible. I am ready to pray you, on myknees, to let me speak.

Z… Speak, then!

M… Thank you, Zina! Two years ago there came to teach your little brother Mitya,since dead, a tutor. This tutor almost a boy, makes upon you what is, to me, atotally inexplicable impression. And then you suddenly come to me, and state thatyou intend to marry the boy (whipper-snapper) Zina, it was a knife to my heart. A boy,the son of a deacon, receiving a salary of twelve roubles , who could talk of nothingbut that Shakespeare — this boy to be the husband of Zenaida Moskalof ! I rejectedhim, of course. But no power would stop you! You continue your relations with thisboy, and, worst of all, you allow yourself to correspond with him! Rumours nowbegin to flit about town. The wretched boy shows one of your letters to that near-do-well Zanshin, and within an hour Natalie Diniitrievna holds it in her hands — mydeadly enemy! That shameless scum of the earth, Nastasia, says she will get the

letter back for two hundred roubles! I myself run over in thin shoes through thesnow to the Jew Baumstein, and pledge my diamond clasps — a keepsake of mydear mother’s. In a couple of hours the letter is in my hands! Nastasia had stolen it;



she had broken open a desk, and your honour was safe! But since that fatal timeyou are wretched, my child You cannot forget him, but you cannot forget thephantom of your past joy . This wretched young fellow is now on the point of death— consumption, people say; and you, angel of goodness that you are, you do notwish to marry while he is alive. And oh! God knows how I have watered my pillowwith tears for you!

Z… Oh, mother, do drop all this sort of thing! Surely we needn't hear all about yourpillow.

M... You do not believe me, Zina ! Believe me, I understand you far better than youunderstand yourself! I have loved too. I consider That a marriage with the prince willbe a saving thing for You!

Z… You don't mean to say you seriously entertain the idea of marrying me to thisprince? That this is no mere idea, no project, no flighty inspiration, but yourdeliberate intention? And pray, how is this marriage going to save me?

M... Cannot You understand?First off all you would pass into new society, into anew world. You would leave this little town, You can go abroad this very spring, toItaly, Switzerland, Spain I — to Spain, Zina, where the Alhambra is, and where theGuadalquiver flows.

Z… But, one moment, mother; you talk as I were married already, or at least as itthe prince had made me an offer!

M…. I understand, dear child, with what loathing you would give your hand to thatMosgliakoff !

Z… I know, without your telling me so, that I shall never be his wife.

M… It is dreadful to vow before the altar that you will love a man whom you cannotlove! To one whom you cannot esteem. And he insists on your love, he only marriesyou for love. I can see it by the way he looks at you! I have suffered from the samething for twenty-five years, your father ruined me, he, sucked up my youth!

Z… Father's away in the country, don't touch him please

M. I know you always take his part. Oh, Zina, my very heart trembled when Ithought to arrange your marriage with Mosgliakoff for financial reasons. But withthe prince it is different; you cannot be expected to give him your love and he is

not in a state to ask it of you !

Z… Good heavens, what nonsense! You have bitten my head off for the last twoyears because I would not marry. Well, you must accept the fact, and make the bestof it ; that's all I can say, and so it shall be!

M…. Let me show you my point of view! The prince will live a year — two at most;and surely it is better to be a young widow than a decayed old maid! I am a mother,and what mother will blame me for my foresight?

Z… That's a truly simple arrangement! All I have to do is to marry this prince, robhim of his money, and then count upon his death in order to marry my lover! Oh, I

understand you, mamma — I understand you well! You cannot resist the expressionof your noble sentiments and exalted ideas, even in the manufacture of a nasty



business. Why can't you say simply and straightforwardly: “Zina, this is a dirtyaffair, but it will pay us, so please agree with me?”

M… But, my dear child, why do you look at it from this point of view? Look atyourself in the glass: you are so beautiful, that a kingdom would be a fair price foryou! You would be like a beautiful star, shedding your light over the evening of hisdays. Where is the deceit of all this? You don't know what you are saying, Zina.

Z… I suppose they are worthy of being weighed against me, if I am to marry acripple for them!

M... On the contrary, my dear child, I can look at it from a high, Christian point of view. You, yourself, told me once that you wished to be a sister of charity. You hadsuffered, this poor old man has also suffered. Be his friend his daughter. He is buthalf a man pity him! You are a Christian girl! What is worrying you is the idea thatall this is for money! But you may help this boy who is so ill!

Z… He would never accept my help!

M… I understand your hints. People say he is in consumption, and must die. I askedthe doctor. The doctor said that the malady was not consumption ; that it wasdangerous, no doubt, but still not consumption, He said that off Spain there is awonderful island, called Malaga where, not only ordinary sufferers from chestmaladies, but even consumptive patients, recover entirely. Oh, but Spain — theAlhambra alone — and the lemons, and the Spanish men. All this is enough toimpress a poetical nature. You think he would not accept your help, your money —for such a journey? Very well — deceit is permissible where it may save a man's life.

You will be rich then, and independent. You can give him position in the world — acareer. At the least, even if he must die, he will die happy, at peace with himself, inyour arms. Oh, Zina, all this is in your hands!

Z… Listen, mother…

S… Maria Aiexandrovna

M… Oh! The devil flies away with this magpie of a woman. Oh how glad I am to seeyou, dear Sophia Petrovna.

S… I’ve just come in for a minute; mon ange I wanted to let you know what's goingon, simply that the whole town has gone mad over this prince. Our * beauties,' youknow what I mean! Are all after him, fishing for him, pulling him about, giving him

champagne — you would not believe it! Would you now? Are you aware that he's atNataha Dimitrievna's at this moment?

M... At Natalia Dimitrievna! Why, he was only going to see the Governor

S… He found the Governor out, and went on to Mrs. Antipova's, where he haspromised to dine. There Natalia caught him — she is never away from Mrs. Antipovanowadays, — and persuaded him to come away with her to lunch. So there's yourprince I catch him if you can!

M… But how — Mosgliakof he promised

S… Mosgliakoff, indeed, — why, he's gone too! And they’ll be playing at cards andclearing him out before he knows where he is! And the things Natalia is saying, too— out loud if you please! She's telling the prince to his face that you, you have got



hold of him with certain views — vous Comprene! She calmly tells him this to hisface I Of course he doesn't understand a word of it, and simply sits there like asoaked cat, and says Yes — yes! And would you believe it, she has trotted out herSonia — a girl of fifteen, in a dress down to her knees — my word on it? Then shehas sent for that httle orphan — Masha; she's in a short dress too, — why, I swear itdoesn't reach her knees She's stuck red caps with some sort of feathers in them ontheir heads, and set them to dance some silly dance to the piano accompanimentfor the prince's benefit ! You know his little weakness as to our sex, — well, you canimagine him staring at them through his glass and saying, * Charmant I — Whatfigures ! ' T'lu ! They've turned the place into a music hall I Call that a dance! I wasat school at Madame Jarne's, I know, and there were plenty of princesses andcountesses there with me, too ; and I know I danced before senators andcouncillors, and earned their applause, too : but as for this dance — it's a low can-can, and nothing more ! I simply burned with shame, — I couldn't stand it, andcame out.

M… How! Have you been at Natalia Dimitrievna's?

S… Oh, but, my dear, I had to go and have a peep at the prince — else, whenshould I have seen him? As if I would have gone near her but for this wretched oldprince. Imagine — chocolate handed round and me left out I'll let her have it forthat, some day ! Well, good-bye, mon ange: I muse hurry off to Akulina, and let herknow all about it You may say good-bye to the prince; he won't come neat youagain now ! He has no memory left, you know, and Mrs. Antipova will simply carryhim off bodily to her house. He'll think it's all right They're all afraid of you, youknow; they think that you want to get hold of him — you understand! Zina, youknow!

M… Quelle horreur!

S Oh, yes, I know! I tell you — the whole town is talking about it ! Mrs. Antipova isgoing to make him stay to dinner — and then she'll just keep him. I tell you whatyou must do— go and grab him as he comes out from Natalia Dimitrievna's Hepromised ^^« first, \\t's your guest. T'fu ! don't you be laughed at by this brace of chattering magpies — good for nothing baggage, both of them. ' Procuror's lady,'indeed ! Why, I'm a Colonel's wife. T'fu ! — Mais adieu, mon attge. I have my ownsledge at the door, or I'd go with you.

Z… Mamma; I am not a child. To do the work of a sister of mercy, without theslightest call thereto, — to justify one's meanness — meanness proceeding in realityfrom the purest egotism, by attributing to it noble ends, — all this is a sort of

Jesuitism which cannot deceive me.

M… No mon ange

Z… Be quiet, mamma ; have patience, and hear me out. In spite of the fullconsciousness that all this is pure Jesuitism, I accept your proposal in full, — youhear me — in full ; . I have consented to the whole thing — to bringing him hisboots, to serving him ; I will dance for him, that my meanness may be in some sortatoned. I shall do all I possibly can so that he shall never regret that he married me!But in return for my consent I insist upon knowing how you intend to bring thematter about? Be frank for once in your life

M. Zina, Zina you are my life!

Z…Oh, mother, I don't want all this kissing!



M… But, Zina, I love you; I adore you, darling, I am working for your happiness.

Z… Well, well; don't be angry, mamma — I'm so excited

M… I'm not angry, darling! But you must trust me! I have no actually organized planyet but I swear to you that the end shall be attained! That's my part of the business.I must begin as soon as possible.

Z… Very well, mamma ; but now listen to one more piece of candour. Do you knowwhy I am so interested in your plan of operations, and do not trust it ? because I amnot sure of myself ! I have told you already that I consent to this meanness ; but Imust warn you that if I find the details of your plan of operations too dirty, too meanand repulsive, I shall not be able to stand it, and shall assuredly throw you over.

M… But Zina, dear child, where is the meanness in this? This is only a marriage forprofit; everybody does it!

Z… Oh, mamma, don't try to play the fox over me! Don't you see that I haveconsented to everything — to everything! What else do you require of me?

M… Very well, very well, dear! I guarantee you there shall be no scandal. I wonderat your being so frightened of these people, Zina.

Z… I'm not frightened; you don't understand me a bit

M… Very well, darling; don't be angry. This is a most generous, noble act! I'll provethis to you once more, Zina.

Z… Oh! Bother your proofs, mother. I've surely had enouQjh of them by now,"

Mamma, if you’ve made up your mind to it all, perhaps it is time you set aboutmaking some move in the matter. Because now you are losing your time.

M. Yes, it is, Good-bye, Zina, darling child. It will be all well, gloriously well, Good-bye, good-bye.

M… Where are you going to?

P… Well, you see, I have to… May I ask for a piece of advice?

M… What is it?

P… Why, you see, my godfather Borodueff — you know the man ; I met him in thestreet to-day, and he is dreadfully angry with me, says I am grown so proud thatthough I have been in Mordasoff three times I have never shown my nose inside hisdoors. He asked me to come in for a cup of tea at five — it's four now. He has nochildren, you know, — and he is worth a million of roubles — or even more they say;and if I marry Zina — you see, — and he's seventy years old now!

M….. Why, my good boy, of course, of course. You must go to him immediately! You must say him how You love him! Oh, you boys, you boys!

P… Thanks, thanks, Maria Alexandrovna ! youVe made a man of me again ! I

declare I quite feared telling you — for I know you didn't think much of theconnection. — He is a common sort of old fellow, I know I So good-bye— myrespects to Zina, and apologies — I must be off, of course I shall be back soon! "



M. Good-bye — take my blessing with you ! Well, it is a mercy that the devil hascarried him off

N… Where are you going to?

P… To my godfather Boroduefl's — a rich old fellow; I want him to leave me money.Excuse me — I’m in rather a hurry!

N… Oh! Then say good-bye to your betrothed!

P… And why “good-bye”?

N… Why; you think she's yours already, do you? And they are going to marry her tothe prince! I heard them say so myself!

P… To the prince? Oh, come now, Nastasia Petrovna!

N… Oh, it's not a case of come now at all would you like to see and hear it foryourself? Put down your coat, and come along here, — this way!

P… Excuse me, Nastasia Petrovna, but I don't understand what you are driving at!

N… Oh! You'll understand fast enough if you just bend down here and listen! Thecomedy is probably just beginning!

P… What comedy?

N… The comedy of humbugging. This morning, when you went away with theprince, Maria Alexandrovna spent a whole hour talking Zina over into marrying the

old man ! Zina agreed. You should have heard the pretty way in which you werespoken of ! They think you simply a fool ! Zina said plump out that she would nevermarry you! Listen now, listen!

P… But how am I to listen?

N… Here, bend down here. Do you see that keyhole!

P… Oh! But, Nastasia Petrovna, I can't eavesdrop, you know!

N… Oh, nonsense, nonsense! Put your pride in your pocket! You've come, and youmust listen now!

P… Well, at all events

N… Oh! If you can't bear to be an eavesdropper, let it alone, and be made a fool of!One goes out of one's way solely put of pity for you, and you must needs makedifficulties! What is it to me? I'm not doing this for myself! I shall leave the housebefore night, in any case!

M... So you were very gay, prince, at Natalia Dimitrievna's ?

K… Oh! Natalia Dimitrievna is a wonderful woman, Charmane

M… if Natalia Dimitrievna is a charming woman then I really don't know what tothink! You absolutelu donot know this society!



K…. Really, you surprise me!

M…. I assure you! Listen Zina, I must just tell the prince that absurd story aboutwhat Natalia Dimitrievna Well, last week this Natalia Dimitrievna came to call uponme. Coffee was brought in, and I had to leave the room for a moment. the sugarbasin was quite full. I came back in a few minutes – in the sugar basin only threelumps! That woman has a large house of her own, and lots of money!

K… Do you mean: she ate it all up?

M… and that's your 'charming woman!

K… Yes, yes! But, do you know, she is a real belle femme!

M My dear prince she is a stupid cow!

K… Yes, cow of course! But a nice figure, a nice figure! And the girl who danced! A

nice figure too, a very nice!

M... What, Sonia? She's only thirteen years old.

K… Yes, yes, of course! And the other dancing girl, she's developing too, nicely!!!Charmane charmane

M... Zina, play us something.She sings so beautiful! she can love. she is so tenderto me.

K… Yes! yes! And do you know, I have only known one woman who could comparewith her. It was the late Countess Nainsky: she died thirty years ago, a wonderful

woman, she married her cook at last.

M... Her cook, prince ?

K… Yes, yes, her cook, a Frenchman. With little moustaches.

M... And how did they get on ?

K… Oh, very well indeed; however, they parted very soon; they quarreled aboutsome sauce!

Z…. Mamma, what shall I play?

M…. Do you like music?

K …. Oh, yes ! Charmante, charmante. I love music. I knew Beethoven, abroad.

M Imagine, Zina, the prince knew Beethoven! Oh, prince, did you really, really knowthe great Beethoven?

K … Yes, yes, we were great friends, Beethoven and I; he was always taking snuff,such a funny fellow!

M… What, Beethoven?



K … Yes, Beethoven; or some other German fellow, I don't know; there are a greatmany Germans there. I forget!

Z… Well, what shall I sing mamma?

M… Oh Zina please this song about castles knights and trubadurs!Oh prince I likeso much and life in the middle ages, and the troubadours, and castles.

K… Yes, yes, castles; I love castles too! Oh, mon charmante, you have ravished mequite! I remember all now! Oh… my lovely girl!

M…Oh Prince! You have so much taste, so much vital energy — and to hide yourself in solitude! You must go abroad! to Italy, to Spain, oh, to Spain, Prince You musthave a guide, a heart that will love and respect with you You have friends ; , I wouldbe your friend your sister your…. if you said but the word !

K….. And I am convinced that you were a most charming creature in your day, too!

M..We live again in our children! I, too, have my guardian angel, and that is mydaughter, Prince, She has refused seven offers because she is unwilling to leaveme!

K …In that case, I shall certainly go abroad and if only I could venture to hope… mychild

M… Why, what a strange man you are, Prince. Surely you do not suppose that youare unworthy the flattering attention of any woman Remember that you are a chipof the aristocracy. And who told you you are an old man? Just you make yourappearance at some watering-place abroad with a young wife on your arm — somelovely young girl like my Zina, for instance — of course I merely mention her as an

example and you will see at once what a colossal effect you will produce: you, achip of our aristocracy ; she a beauty among beauties .You will lead hertriumphantly on your arm ; she, perhaps, will sing in some brilliant assemblage. AllEurope will ring with your renown, for every newspaper at the Waters will be full of you.

K … yes, and the newspapers, but, my child, if you're not tired, do repeat that songwhich you have just sung so charmingly once more.

M… Prince, she has other lovely songs don't you remember Liroiidelle

K… I don't want the Hirondelle! I want that other song! And now, oh! I don't knowwhat to do!

M…. Why, Prince, I do believe you are falling in love with my Zina,

K… I am madly in love with her! I am ready to give my life for her. If only she wouldgive me the hope that I might offer her my heart, she should sing ballads to meevery day; and I could look at her!

M… Prince, Prince! You are offering her your hand. You want to take her from me,my Zina! No, Zina, no, I can't let you go! She has refused nine men because she willnot leave me! I noticed just now how she looked at you. Prince, you have impressed

her with your aristocratic manner, with your refinement OK! Prince, you are going toseparate us— I feel it, I feel it!



K… I adore her!

M… So, Zina you leave your mother!

K … I am only this moment beginning to live

M…. Zina! Look well at this man! This is the most honest and noble man of all themen I know. He is a knight of the middle ages! But she knows it. Prince, she knowsit too well. Why did you come here? Oh! Take care of her, Prince!

Z… Enough, mamma! That's enough…

M… Can I rely upon your sword to flash in the face of the vile scandal-monger whodares to offend my Zina?

K … Yes, yes, it shall flash all right. But I want to be married now, at once. I want tosend for some diamonds I have at Duchanova. I want to lay them at her feet.

M… What ecstasy of love! And you could bury yourself far from the world andsociety!

K … What could I do? I was frightened; they wanted to put me in lunatic asylum!

M… In a lunatic asylum Why?

K … I don't know myself, I was at a ball, and told some anecdote and they didn't likeit.

M… And it was for this? Enough do not worry my Darling! Now I’ll be here with you.I do not leave my Zina. They will see that you are a man. You shall raise your head

proudly now, and look them straight in the face!

K …Yes; I shall look them straight in the face

M… Prince, you are tired you must take a good rest after so much agitation Takecare, dear Prince — take care ! Lean on my arm!

K… Yes, yes; I should like to lie down a little… Yes, Au revoir, my charming child,tomorrow, today, I will… Au revoir, au revoir.

P… So that's the sort of person you are! At last I have found you out!

Z….."Found me out?" How dare you address me like that?

P… I have heard it all!

Z…. You heard? I see — you have been eavesdropping!

P… Yes, I have been eavesdropping! Yes — I consented to do a mean action, andmy reward is that I have found out that you are… I don't know how to expressmyself to tell you what I think of you now!

Z… And supposing that you have heard all: what right have you to blame me? What

right do you have to speak to me so insolently, in any case?



P… what right to I have? And you can ask me this? You are going to marry thisprince, and I have no right to say a word! How about the promises you made!?

Z… When?

P… What you mean, when?

Z… Did not I tell you that morning, when you came to me with your sentimentalnonsense? Did I not tell you that I could give you no decided answer?

P… But you did not reject me; you did not send me away. I see — you kept mehanging in reserve, in case of need! You lured me into your net! I see, I see it all!

Z… If I didn't turn you out of the house, I refrained from such a course purely out of pity. You begged me yourself to postpone, to give you time, not to say you *No,' tostudy you better, and * then,' you said, * then, when you know what- a fine fellow Iam, perhaps you will not refuse me! These were your own words, or very like them,at the very beginning of your courtship! You cannot deny them! And now you dare

to tell me that I Mured you into my net,' just as though you did not notice myexpression of loathing when you made your appearance this morning! You came afortnight sooner than I expected you, and I did not hide my disgust; on the contrary,I made it evident — you must have noticed it — I know you did ; because you askedme whether I was angry because you had come sooner than you promised! Let metell you that people who do not, and do not care to, hide their loathing for a mancan hardly be accused of luring that man into their net 1 You dare to tell me that Iwas keeping you in reserve ! Very well ; my answer to that is, that I judged of youlike this : * Though he may not be endowed with much intellect, still he may turnout to be a good enough fellow; and if so, it might be possible to marry him.'However, being persuaded, now, that you are a fool, and a mischievous fool into thebargain, — having found out this fact, to my great joy, — it only remains for me now

to wish you every happiness and a pleasant journey! Good-bye!

P…. Oh, So I’m a fool! I'm a fool, am I? Very well, good-bye! But before I go, thewhole town shall know of this! They shall all hear how you and your mother madethe old man drunk, and then swindled him! I shall let the whole world know it! Youshall see what Mosgliakoff can do!

P…. Well, how are you, uncle?

K …Ahh, What, Yes! I've been asleep a little while! Oh, heavens Dear me; nowyou’ve found out my secret! My friend, you must promise instantly, that you'll nevertell of this to anyone!

P…. Oh, uncle! As if I could be guilty of such meanness?

K … Yes, yes. I mean I see you are a good fellow, I will astonish you a little: How doyou like my moustache?

P… Wonderful, uncle, wonderful! It astonishes me that you should have been ableto keep it so long!

K … Spare your wonder, my friend, it's artificial!

P… No! That's difficult to believe! Well, and your whiskers, uncle I admit — youblack them, now don’t you?



K … Black them? But they, too, are artificial!

P… No, no, uncle! I can't believe that! You're laughing at me!

K… Parole d’honneur mon ami Even Stephanida Matveyevna cannot believe theyare not real, sometimes, although she sticks them on, herself! Give me your word!Oh, my boy! I had such a fall today, without you. The coachman upset me out of thecarriage!

P… I know, uncle: that was early this morning!

K… No, no! A couple of hours ago! I was driving along with him, and he suddenlytook and upset me!

P… Why, my dear uncle, you were asleep!

K … Yes, yes. I did have a sleep; and then I drove away, at least I… dear me, howstrange it seems now…

P…. I assure you, uncle, you have been dreaming! You saw all this in a dream! Youhave been sleeping quietly here since just after dinner!

K… No! Yes? Perhaps I did see it all in a dream. First, I saw Napoleon Buonaparte.Did you ever hear, my boy, that people say I am so like Napoleon? And from theother side I am like a well-known pope of Rome! What do you think about it, myboy?

P…I think you look exactly like Napoleon!

K… That’s from the other side! And by-the-by I think they acted to cruel with

Napoleon. I would arrange all sorts of amusements for him, at the State's charge;theatres, balle's, he even should have tarts. Surely he was a bit mad he wasattacking people, but in my conditions he would repent!!!Why, my dear boy, I’ve forgotten to tell you I made an offer of marriage today! Butnow I see it was not the best idea!

P… Excuse me, uncle; but when did you make this offer?

K… Well, I admit I don't know exactly when! Perhaps I dreamed it; I don't know.

P…. And whom did you propose to?

K ….. The daughter of the house, my boy; that beautiful girl. I forget what they callher. But you see I can't possibly marry.

P… Oh! Of course, you are done for if you marry, that's clear. But let me ask youone more question, uncle. Are you perfectly certain that you actually made her anoffer of marriage?

K… Yes, I'm sure of it!

P… And what if you dreamed the whole thing, just as you did that you were upsetout of the carriage a second time, just in your dream?

K… Dear me, I really think I may have dreamed it; it's very awkward. I don't knowhow to show myself there, now. How can we find out if I really did that offer!?



P… Do you know, uncle, I don't think we need to trouble ourselves to find outanything at all.

K… Why, what then?

P… I am convinced that you dreamed it all.

K … Yes, yes.

P… Why, only imagine — if your relations were to get to hear of such a thing…

K … Goodness gracious they would say you are mad; and that I must be put underproper restraint. In fact, they'd tied me up to a chair!

P… And, by-the-by: Just fancy, this girl is twenty-three years old. Nobody will marryher, and suddenly she gets a rich and eminent man of rank and title, appear on thescene as her accepted swain. They would lay hold of the idea at once, and act up to

it, and swear that you really were her future husband, and would marry you off, too.I daresay they would even count upon your speedy death, it is fearfullydangerous!!!

K…Oh my God it is dangerous!!! I think I'd better go away altogether!

P… Tomorrow, Uncle, tomorrow morning

K… But what if they talk to me as her betrothal?

P… Don't you fear, uncle! I shall be there! And mind, whatever they say or hint toyou, you must declare that you dreamed the whole thing — as indeed you did, of

course?

K… Yes, quite so! But it was a most bewitching dream, for all that! She is awonderfully lovely girl, such a figure hmmmm

P… Well, au revoir , uncle!

K … How! You are not going to leave me alone?

P…No, no, uncle; but we must enter the room separately. First, I will go in, and thenyou come down; that will be better, and tomorrow morning

K… away we go to Misail! Well, au revoir my friend! Oh, by the bye: I meant to askyou, have you read Kazanoffs Memoirs?

P… Yes, uncle. Why?

K… Yes, yes, quite so… I forget what I wanted to say.

P… You'll remember later, I’m downstairs!

A.N…. Here we all are, all of us, come to spend the evening; Proskovia lliirishna iscoming too, and Luisa Karlovna and all!

N.D…. Yes, and Katerina Petrovna, and Felisata Michaelovna are coming as well



FM… Maria Alexandrovna

M… Oh! what miracle is it that has brought you all in my house again ?

N D… oh my dear Maria Alexandrovna ! we really must get on with the privatetheatrical question!

A.N… mais me charmantes, we must finish the preparations for this theatre, sothey could not say that all we do is argue! Goodness me, Zenaida, I declare yougrow prettier every day!

ND… She has nothing else to do, but sit and grow more and more beautiful!

AN… Even better, my angel, especially as we are waiting to get the prince at thisthatre, this being for poor people. Maybe he’ll even get a role, him being so cuteand funny.

ND… Of course he is going to get part of the act, he can play anything. Why, it's

Paul Alexandrovitch. And you told us he had gone to his godfather's, MariaAlexandrovna. We were told you had hidden yourself away from us, PaulAlexandrovitch!

P… Hidden myself? What a strange expression! Excuse me, Natalia Dimitrievna, butI never hide from anyone; I have no cause to do so, that I know of! Nor do I everhide anyone else!

FM… Is it true, Paul Alexandrovitch, that you have just been politely dismissed? TheGovernment service, I mean, of course!

P… Dismissed! How dismissed? I'm simply changing my department, that's all! I am

to be placed at Petersburg!

FM… Oh! Well I congratulate you!

ND and AN: Congratulations

FM… We were alarmed to hear that you were trying for a place down here atMordasoff. The berths here are wretched, Paul Alexandrovitch not good at all, Iassure you!

ND… there's a place as teacher at the school, vacant, I believe.

FM… You don't suppose Paul Alexandrovitch would accept the place vacated by awretched little schoolmaster?

P… Is this all thanks to you? Wait a bit, you shall see this very day whether I am afool or not!

Z… Why put off the revelation? It is clear enough already!

M… Have you been to your godfather's?

P… No, I've just been with uncle.

M… With your uncle? Have you just come from the prince now?



ND… Oh — oh I and we were told the prince was asleep!

P… Do not be disturbed about the prince, Natalia Dimitrievna he is awake now andquite restored to his senses. He was persuaded to drink a good deal too much wineso that he quite lost his head, which never was too strong. However, I have had atalk with him, and he now seems to have entirely recovered his judgment, thankGod! He is coming down directly to take his leave, Maria Alexandrovna, and tothank you for all your kind hospitality; and tomorrow morning early we are off to theHermitage. Thence I shall myself see him safe home to Donchanovo I'll answer forthat!

N.D… So the prince is off to-morrow morning! Dear me; why is that?

A.N… Very intriguing, indeed.

S.P… Oho! so this is how you treat me, Maria Alexandrovna Oh I don't be afraid, Ishall not inflict myself upon you for more than a minute! I won't sit down. I justcame in to see if what they said was true ! Ah I so you go in for balls and receptions

and parties, and Sophia Petrovna is to sit at home alone, and •knit stockings, isshe ? You ask the whole town in, and leave me out, do you? Yes, and I wasmortan^g, and Meat/ and all the rest of it when I came in to warn you of NataliaDimitrievna having got hold of the prince I And now this very Natalia Dimitrievna,whom you swore at like a pickpocket, and who was just about as polite when shespoke of you, is here among your guests ? Oh, don't mind me, Natalia Dimitrievna, /don't want your chocolat d la santi at a penny the ounce, six cups to the ounce 1thanks, I can do better at home ; t'fu, a good deal better."

ND… Obviously

M. But goodness gracious, Sophia Petrovna what is it all about?

SP…. Oh, don't bother about me, Maria Alexandrovna, thank you ! I know all aboutit — oh, dear me, yes ! — / know all about it Oh, yes, I know all about it, I assure you! Your friend Nastasia came over and told me all ! You got hold of the old prince,made him drunk and persuaded him to make an ofler of marriage to your daughterZina — whom nobody else will marry ; and I daresay you suppose you are going tobe a very great lady, indeed — a sort of duchess in lace and jewellery. T'fu I Don'tflatter yourself ; you may not be aware that I, too, am a colonel's lady ! and if youdon't care to ask me to your betrothal parties, you needn't : I scorn and despise youand your parties too ! I've seen hon ester women than you, you know I I have dinedat Countess Zalichvatsky's ; a chief commissioner proposed for my hand I A lot /care for your invitations. T'fu !

M… Look here, Sophia Petrovna if you do not immediately relieve me of yourpresence and eloquence, I shall be obliged to take the matter into my own hands!

SP.. Oh, I know — you'll get your people to turn me out J Don't trouble yourself — Iknow the way out ! Good-bye, — marry your daughter to whom you please, for all 1care. And as for you^ Natalia Dimitrievna, I will thank you not to laugh at me ! 1may not have been asked here, but at all events / did not dance a can-can for theprincess benefit What may. you be laughing at, Mrs. Antipova? I suppose youhaven't heard that your greaf friend Lushiloff has broken his leg ? — he has justbeen taken home. T'fu I Good-bye, Maria Alexandrovna — good luck to you ! T'fu ! "

ND… I think the good lady must have been drinking!



AN…. Quelle abominable femme!!!

FM… But what audacity! Yes, but what could she have meant by a betrothal party?What sort of a betrothal party is this?

M… You believe these abominable women. She….

The prince, the prince! Here is the prince we have been waiting for youprince.

K… Dear me, how very flatteringFM…. Prince, do tell us is it true that you are about to leave us so soon?

K… Yes, yes, mesdames; I am going abroad almost immediately!

AN … Abroad, Prince, abroad ? Why, what Can have caused yen to take such a stepas that?

K … Yes, yes, abroad, it is principally for the new ideas!

FM… What new ideas, what does he mean?

K… Yes. Quite so new ideas, everybody goes abroad now for new ideas, and I'mgoing too, to see if I can pick any up!

M… Did you have a nice nap, prince?

K …WHAT?

ND… Did you have a nice nap, prince?

M… Did you have a nice nap, prince?

K… Oh, I slept wonderfully, wonderfully? And do you know, I had such a mostfascinating dream!

FM… A dream? I do so love to hear people tell their dreams!

ND… so do I

K… Oh, a bewitching dream, but all the more a dead secret!

AN… Oh, Prince, you don't mean to say you can't tell us?

K… A dead secret!

AN… Then it must be interesting, oh, dreadfully interesting

FM… I don't mind taking a bet that the prince dreamed that he was kneeling atsome lovely woman's feet and making a declaration of love. Confess, now, prince,that it was so? Confess, dear prince, confess.

AN… Yes, Prince, confess!

K… Though I did say that my dream was a dead secret still I am obliged to confess,dear lady, that you have almost exactly guessed it.



FM… I’ve guessed it, I’ve guessed it. Well, prince, say what you like, but it's yourplain duty to tell us the name of your beauty; come now, isn't it?

ND... Dear prince, do tell us

AN… Of course, of course, prince. Is she in this town?

FM… Darling prince, do, do tell us

K… Mesdames, mesdames; if you must know, I will go so far as to say that it is themost charming, and virtuous lady I know!

AN… The most virtuous? And belonging to this place? Who can it be?

ND… Why, of course, the young lady who is considered the reigning beauty here

FM… But, prince, if you dream those sort of things, why should not you marry

somebody

AN… We would marry you off beautifully, prince

ND… Marry, marry why wouldn’t you marry?

FM… Marry, marry, do marry!

K… Yes. Why should I not marry!

P…. Uncle

K…. Yes, my boy, quite so; I understand what you mean. I may as well tell you,ladies, that I can’t marry again;

OHHHH

K… No, no, no! and having passed one most delightful evening with our fascinatinghostess, I must start away tomorrow to the Hermitage, and then I shall go straightto Europe.

M… Mesdames.. I have been a listener to your conversation — to your wittyremarks long enough, and I consider that my turn has come, at last, to put in a wordin contribution. I cannot Kelp feeling that the prince is not only not averse, butactually desires me to make known our great family secret. Am I right, Prince ?

K… Yes, quite so, quite so! Very glad, very glad!

M…… Yes, ladies. This evening, the prince overcome by the beauty of my daughterhas done her the honour of proposing to me for her hand.Please forgive me prince! Iam a mother!

All ladies… Congratulations, congratulations!

AN… So you are going to be married, Prince?

ND… So you really are going to marry?



FM… Dear Prince! You really are to be married, then?

K… Yes, yes; quite so, quite so! And I confess what I like best of all, is the very kindinterest you all take in me! I shall never forget it, never forget it! You have broughtthe tears to my eyes!

FM… Kiss me, prince!

ND… And me!

AN… Prince, me too!

K… I confess I am beyond measure astonished that Maria Alexandrovna, ourhostess, should have hadthe extraordinary penetration to guess my dream ! She might have dreamed itherself, instead of me…

FM... Oh, prince; your dream again!

AN… Oh, come, prince!

M.. Yes, prince, it is no use concealing it now ; it is time we divulged this secret of ours Yes, ladies, it is all true ! This very evening the prince actually, and by nomeans in a dream, made a solemn proposal of marriage to her!

K… Yes, yes, quite so! Just exactly like that my dear young lady, I swear to you, Ishould never have dared thus to bring your name into prominence, It was a mostbewitching dream and I am doubly happy that I have been permitted to describe it!

AN... Dear me how very curious it is: he insists on sticking to his idea about a

dream!

ND… What does it mean?

M… Excuse me, prince what is this strange idea about a dream? I am anxious toascribe your conduct to absence of mind, but…

ND… Yes; it may really be a case of absence of mind

K.. Yes, yes, of course, quite so let me tell you a little anecdote. I was asked to afuneral at Petersburg, and I thought it was a birthday party! So I brought a lovelybouquet of camellias. When I came in and saw the master of the house lying instate on a table, I didn't know where to stuff my camellias!

M… But. Prince, this is not the moment for stories. I must repeat that you yourself here, just by the piano, made her an offer of marriage. Explain yourself quicklyand .satisfactorily. You cannot be permitted to jest in this fashion in a respectablehouse.

K… Yes, quite so, quite so ; one should not jest in respectable houses!

M… But that is no answer to my question, Prince. Confirm here and at once — thefact that this very evening you made a proposal of marriage to my daughter.

K… Quite so, quite so; I am ready to confirm that! But I have told the company allabout it, and Felisata Michaelovna actually guessed my dream!



M… It was not a dream, Prince, Awake —you were awake!

K… Awake? Well, there you are, my friend; it has come about just as you said, but Iassure you, most esteemed Maria Alexandrovna, that you are under a delusion. Iam quite convinced that I saw the whole scene in a dream!

M… Goodness gracious!

ND… Do not disturb yourself, dear Maria Alexandrovna probably the prince hasforgotten; he will recollect himself by and by.

M… I am astonished at you, Natalia Dimitrievna as if people forget this sort of thing!Prince, but are you laughing at us? My daughter is not a French viscountess! Thisvery evening my daughter sang a ballad to you, and you, amazed at the beauty of her singing, went down on your knees and made her a proposal of marriage. Speak,Prince, am I asleep, or not?

K… Yes, of course, of course I don't know, I mean, I don't think I am dreaming now ;but, a little while ago I was asleep, you see ; and while asleep I had this dream,that…

M… Goodness me. Prince, Are you raving, Prince, or what?

K… Yes; deuce only knows. I don't know! It seems to me I'm getting bewildered!

M…. But, my dear Prince how can you possibly have dreamed this, when I can tellyou all the details of your proposal?

ND… But, perhaps the prince did tell someone of his dream, in detail, aaa Paul

Alexandrovich

K… Yes, quite so, quite so! Perhaps I did tell someone all about my dream, in detail!

FM… Here's a nice comedy

M… My goodness me! Do you hear me. Prince ? She sang you a ballad — sang youa ballad!

K… Certainly, quite so. It really did seem to me that she sang me a ballad, Myfriend, I believe I forgot to tell you, there was a ballad song. Ballad all about castlesand knights; and some troubadour or other came in.

P…. I confess, uncle, you probably did hear a ballad. Miss Zenaida sings beautifully;probably you all adjourned into this room and Zenaida Afanassievna sang you thesong. Of course, I was not there myself, but in all probability this ballad remindedyou of old times; very likely it reminded you of that very vicomtesse with whom youused once to sing, well, and then you went up for your nap and under theimpressions made upon you by the ballad and all, you dreamed that you were inlove and made an offer of marriage to the lady who had inspired you with thatfeeling.

K… Why, yes, my boy. How beautifully you have unraveled the difficulty. Well, now I

am quite convinced that it was all a dream. Maria Alexandrovna! I assure you, youare under a delusion. I should not think of trifling with your feelings otherwise.



M… Oh, indeed ! Now I perceive clearly whom we have to thank for making thisdirty mess. You are the man, sir — the dishonest person. It is you that puzzled anunhappy old idiot into this eccentric behavior, because you yourself were rejected !

You shall pay, you shall pay!

P… Maria Alexandrovna ! Your words are so, so to such an extent, I really don'tknow how to express my opinion of you. No lady would ever permit herself to… Atall events I am but protecting my relative. You must allow that to allure an old manlike this.

K… Yes to allure an old man like this

AN… But, dear Maria Alexandrovna may be it was a dream! And that you areactually under a strange delusion?

M…. How! What was a delusion?

AN… Why, my dear Maria, I was saying, it could be so dear, after all?

M… What are you trying to do with me ?

AN…Why, perhaps, dear, you really dreamed it all!

M… What ? dream i I dreamed it ? And you dare suggest such a thing to me —straight to my face ?

FM… Oh, why not? Perhaps it really was the case!

K… Yes, quite so, very likely it actually was the case

M… He, too — gracious Heaven!

ND… Dear me, how you do worry yourself, Maria Alexandrovna. You shouldremember that dreams are sent us by a Providence. . Providence gives the word,and we can neither weep nor be angry at its dictum. K… Quite so, quite so. We can't be angry about it!

M… do you take me for a lunatic?

Z… Mamma! Why should we deceive anyone ? Why befoul ourselves with morelies ? Everything is so foul already that surely it is not worthwhile to be meanourselves any further by attempting to gloss over the filth !

M… Zina, Zina Do You want to recollect yourself?

Z… I told you, mamma — I told you before, that I should not be able to last out thelength of this shameful and ignominious business Surely we need no furtherbemean and befoul ourselves ! I will take it all on myself, mamma. I am the basestof all, for lending myself, of my own free will, to this abominable intrigue! You aremy mother ; you love me, I know, and you wished to arrange matters for myhappiness, as you thought best, and according to your lights. Your conduct,therefore is pardonable; but mine! Oh, no! Never, never!

M… Zina, Zina I surely you are not going to teIl the whole story ?



Z….. Yes, mamma, I shall tell all ; I am disgraced, you — we all of us are disgraced

M…. The ignominy and disgrace is not on our side, dear child ; I will show in amoment that it is not on our side.

Z… No, mamma, no ! I do not wish to remain silent any longer before these —persons, whose opinion I despise, and who have come here for the purpose of laughing at us. I do not wish to stand insult from any one of them ; none of themhave any right to throw dirt at me every single one of them would be ready at anymoment to do things thirty times as bad as anything either I or you have done orwould do I Dare they, can they constitute themselves our judges ?

AN… Listen to that

FM… There's a pretty little speech for you!

ND… Why, that's us she's abusing. A nice sort of creature she is herself

Z… Prince forgive us ; we have deceived you ; we entrapped you

K… My dear young lady, my dear child, my darling child!

Z… Yes, prince, we both cheated you. Mamma was in fault in that she determinedthat I must marry you ; We tricked you, a weak defenceless old man, we tricked you(as Mr. Mosgliakoff would express it!) for the sake of your wealth, and your rank. Allthis was shockingly mean, and I freely admit the fact But I swear to you, Prince, thatI consented to all this baseness from motives which were not base. I wished, —^but what a wretch I am ! it is doubly mean to justify one's conduct in such a caseas this ! But I will tell you. Prince, that if I had accepted anything from you, I shouldhave made it up to you for it, by being your servant, your — ^your ballet dancer,

your slave — ^anything you wished. I had sworn to this, and I should Jxave kept myoath.

K… But I will marry you, my beautiful child and esteem it a great honor, too! But Iassure you it was all a dream. Please explain, my dear friend, what it all means!

Z… As for you, Pavel Alexandrovitch" you whom I had made up my mind, at onetime, to look upon as my future husband ; you who have now so cruelly revengedyourself upon me ; how could you allie to these people here, whose object at alltimes is to humiliate and shame me ? And you said that you loved me. . I neverloved you, and if I had agreed to be your wife, it would have been solely with theview of getting away from here, out of this accursed town, and free of all thismeanness and baseness. However, I swear to you that had I married you, I shouldhave been a good and faithful wife ! You have taken a cruel vengeance upon me,and if that flatters your pride, then

P… Zina !

Z… If you ever did love me

P… Zenaida Afanassievna ! "

M…."Zina, Zina — my child!

P… I am a blackguard, Zina! A blackguard, and nothing else! I am an ass, Zina, anass ! or maybe far, far worse than an ass. But I will prove to you, Zina, that even an



ass can behave like a generous human being! Uncle, it was I who cheated yo : youwere not asleep, you were wide awake when you made this lady an offer of marriage! And I, scoundrel that I was, out of revenge because I was rejected by hermyself, persuaded you that you had dreamed it all!

ND.. Dear me, what wonderful and interesting revelations we are being treated tonow!

K… My dear friend, but you told me, yourself, it was all a dream.

P… Oh, how am I to tell you? Do show me, somebody, how to explain to him!

Explain the way you did before

P… Uncle, uncle! This is an important matter, a most important family affair! Thinkof that, uncle just try to realize that.

K… Wait a bit, my boy, wait a bit: First there was my coachman, Theophile…

P… Oh, never mind Theophile now, for goodness sake!

K… Of course. Well, then came Napoleon; and then we seemed to be sitting at tea,and some lady came and ate up all our sugar!

P… But, uncle! It was Maria Alexandrovna herself told us that anecdote aboutNatalia Dimitrievna! I was here myself and heard it! I was a blackguard, andlistened at the keyhole!

ND… How, Maria Alexandrovna ! you’ve told the prince too, have you, that I stolesugar out of your basin ? So I come to you to steal your sugar, do I, eh ! do I?''

M… Get away from me !

ND… Oh, dear no ! I shall do nothing of the sort, Maria Alexandrovna ! I steal yoursugar, do I ? I tell you you shall not talk of me like that, madam — you dare not ! Ihave long suspected you of spreading this sort of rubbish abroad about me ! SophiaPetrovna came and told me all about it. So I stole your sugar, did I, eh ? "

K… But, my dear ladies it was only part of a dream!

M… Stupid cow!

ND.. What ! what ! I'm a cow, too, am I ?" And what are you yourself, pray? Oh, Ihave long known that you call me a tub, madam. Never mind ! — at all events myhusband is a man, madam, and riot a fool, like yours ! "

K… There was cow, too!

ND… What — you, too? You join in abusing a respectable woman of nobleextraction, do you ? How dare you call me names, prince — you wretched old one-legged misery! I'm a tub am I, you one-legged old abomination?

K… What, madam, I one-legged?

ND… Yes — one-legged and toothless, sir; that's what you are!



M... Yes, and one-eyed too!

FM… You wear stays instead of your own ribs!

AN… His face is all on wire springs!

ND… He hasn't a hair of his own to swear by!

K… and what do I have aM… Even the old fool's moustache is stuck on!

K…Well, Marie Alexandrovna, may I have a nose of my very own! My friend, it musthave been you betrayed me! You must have told them that my hair is stuck on? Mydear boy, I can't stay here any longer, take me away somewhere… quelle societe…

M…idiot….idiot

K…. Goodness! I can't remember what I came here for. Take me away, quick, myboy!

P… Come along, uncle it isn't very late; I'll take you over to a hotel at once, and I'llmove over my own things too.

K…. Yes, of course, a hotel! Good-bye, my charming child; you alone, you are theonly virtuous one of them all, you are a nooble child. Good-bye, my charming girl!Open the door!!!

Uncle s Dream

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