The Voyeur

Captain Jack WhiskersStaff WriterWhile on their annual spring

break trip to Cancun, Mexico, students from the Department of Archaeology at the University of West Florida discovered a Mayan time capsule that confirms that the world will end on Dec. 21, 2012.Somewhere in the haze of

tequila shots and sombreros, the team literally stumbled upon a chest containing all the

secrets to the Mayan Calendar. “Surprisingly, it was all

written in English,” archaeolo-gist Dustin Bones said.According to the translation

found in the time capsule, the world will flood simultane-ously with a worldwide power outage, caused by a solar flare.The first areas to be affected

will be the coastal regions of each continent. But the flooding will not stop there, obviously there is more.

“Your only hope is to buy a sailboat and some fishing gear,” Bones said. “Or invest in a mountain house.”According to joint research-

ers in the Department of Psychology and the Department of Biology, the zombie apoca-lypse is a myth. It is far more likely that humans will simply begin to act like zombies in an effort to protect their families. The research indicates that

zombie-like actions include,

but are not limited to: disre-gard for the well-being of strangers, greed, hunger and, above all else, a new-found belief in self-preservation.“Not to worry,” biologist Op

T. Mystic said. “Most of the population will die within a week of the flood.”The research also suggests

that the world population as a whole has become too depen-dent on technology. Most people don’t even know how

to survive without electricity anymore. Humans have devel-oped a fatal dependency on technology.“My advice is to live it up

while you can,” Mystic said. “I recommend starting to check things off the bucket list before it’s too late. Throw a party. Have sex. Do drugs. Skydive. I’m actually about to do all four simultaneously. Do all that, unless you own a sailboat or a mountain house.”

VOLUME 3.14 ISSUE YUM TODAY, APRIL 1, 2012The voice of UWF students since who cares

The Voyeur$314

Discovery confirms end of the world

Chatty CattyStaff WriterThe University of West

Florida will have no parking available beginning in the fall semester because of the $11.9 million budget cut for the 2012/2013 fiscal year. Gov. Rich Scout was

reportedly outraged to hear about all the constant complaining about how there are never any park-ing spots available at UWF, so he decided to teach the students and faculty members a lesson and remove all parking. “It has come to my atten-

tion that UWF is filled with impatient, whiney students,” Scout said in a Florida Senate address on

March 32. “I am compelled to remove all on-campus parking and replace it with hot dog stands.”The new hot dog stands

will be strategically placed throughout all parking lots. Students will be able to enjoy a Babrett Dog with their choice of topping for $5. Buns will be an addi-tional cost. All proceeds from the hot

dog stands will go toward the new parking garages

proposed in the master plan.“I’m looking forward to a

hot-dog-eating contest,” Joe Grub, a freshman exercise science major said, “I think it’s just what this school needs.”Many students and

facul ty members are wondering how they will get to class without driving their cars and parking.“I did the math,” Lotta

Sums, a junior accountant major, said. “If thousands of

students have to walk from all over, the streets will be filled with riots, and God knows what else.”Scout has a new plan

to replace parking that inc ludes ponies and donkeys. “The students will now

have to use natural, envi-ronmentally friendly ways to get to class,” he said. “Everyone will be issued a pony or donkey to ride to UWF.”Students at UWF will

be given a steed at regis-tration based on class rank. Upperclassmen will be assigned a pony, leav-ing lowerclassmen to trot around on donkeys.

No more campus parking allowed

Bob LoblawStaff WriterAs a result of increased budget cuts for the fiscal

year in the state of Florida, professors and faculty have resorted to various illegal means to sustain their income.The string of criminal acts began in Dec. 2011,

when Larry Ghetto, a journalism professor at the University of West Florida, was arrested for second-degree theft after looting a local donations box.Ironically, the donations were meant for teachers. Since Ghetto’s arrest, six other UWF professors

have also been arrested for various illegal methods of monetary support.Suzie Succotash, a tenured professor in the UWF

Department of Marine Biology, was arrested in Jan. 2012 in connection with a highly organized barnacle-fighting ring. Succotash is currently await-ing trial for 13 counts of racketeering and 756 counts of crustacean abuse.Police arrested UWF mathematics professor

Martha Matlock on Feb. 1 for her role in an elabo-rate embezzlement scheme, which resulted in $16

million of lost revenue from the Mississippi Gaming Commission."No one cares about Mississippi," Matlock said.

"So I figured it was as good a place as any to steal from."The budget cuts occurred earlier this year and the

entire community is outraged, not just faculty. "We need those kids to keep learnin'," Pensacola

bus driver Tom Wheelin said. "They're the only way we will survive the zombie apocalypse, if those teachers ain't teachin', then those kids ain't learnin' and we ain't survivin'."Students seem to remain indifferent to the budget

cuts as most students do. The chances that they are reading this story is also very rare. University President Mercedes Benz said she will

do whatever it takes to get the faculty's pay back up."I will be hosting a garage sale at my house this

weekend in order to help raise money," Benz said. "I will be selling anything and everything I own in order to continue paying my faculty what they deserve."The faculty is not very optimistic about this

garage sale and insist that Florida Gov. Rich Scout increase the budget for state universities immediately. "We could barely survive on the pennies they paid

us before the cuts," Ghetto said in a prison inter-view. "And now they expect us to survive on even less. This is a very sad turn of events indeed, looks like those charity buckets better lookout."

Photo by Pointann Shoot

University of West Florida professor Larry Ghetto has been stealing from charitable organizations for months after the state budget cuts hit universities. Ghetto said the stealing is his form of revenge on Gov. Rich Scout.

After millions in budget cuts, faculty members have been participating in illegal activites

Faculty resorts to stealing due to state budget cuts

RUNDOWNThe University of West Florida is fed up with complaints about campus parking and have now banned all forms of parking permanently. Students will now have to park off campus and walk or ride the trolley onto campus. The parking lots will be replaced with hot dog stands.

IndexStuff you might know . .. .. .. .. 256Stuff you don't know . .. .. .. .. 8476Stuff you should know .. .. .. .. .. 45Stuff you think you know . .. .. ..6Stuff .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. @##

L&E

See full stories on page 7


Opinion

Sports

VOYEUR IN BOXERS

There have still been no sports after the Angry Housewives Vendetta of 2012. Men are forced to mow lawns, children read books and wives don't have to clean sweaty gear.

The world is !nally in perfect balance.

Nobody won and nobody lost

Does anyone honestly care?


Drugs are bad, mmkay...

Who really enjoys listen-ing to some random person ramble on and on about their personal opinions? No one. And who would want to read about them? Again, no one.

If you really have the need to listen to someone rant and rave, find a nursing home filled with angry veter-ans and go for it.

Brown tip of the week

See PARKING, page 2

Cookies for Teachers

TIny JonStaff Writer

2/News Today, April 1, 2012 www.thevoyeur.net The Voyeur

New schedule changes created in order to accommodate supernatural students

Parking: Hot dog stands will replace parking lots

Photo by Knot Frayedov Dark

Due to the new schedule changes, University of West Florida students who are of the vampire or werewolf races can now comfortably attend classes on campus without fear of injury.

From Page 1


Above: A design created by Screamo Architects depicts the hot dog stands that will be replace the parking lots on campus next year.

Cookie Monster elected as new UWF president, this is awesome

Jingly BellsStaff Writer


The University of West Florida’s newest president, The Cookie Monster will take office next January. He plans to take over Benz’s Master Plan and rename it “The Cookie Master Plan.”

3Opinions Editor, P. Bill Jones [email protected]

Today, April 1, 2012

P. Bill JonesOpinions Editor

Courtesy of Andy Marlette/[email protected]

“Let’s get out there are start spreading Santorum

around. Come election night in November, I

want to see every inch of those electoral maps

just covered in Santorum. Remember, a spoonful

of Santorum will help the secularists go down!”

I want ‘Santorum’ to be on everyone’s lips this NovemberCourtesy of Andy Marlette/[email protected]

Henrietta FordCommander-in-Chief

“Democracy is so outdated, and let’s be

honest, the public doesn’t know what it wants.

Society needs someone else to make a final

decision, and who better than fate?”

SGA candidates should fight to death ‘Hunger Games’-style

Tacolove LongtimeStaff WriterFor Friday night dates,

look no further than the charming atmosphere and excellent Mexican cuisine of Pensacola’s biggest secret: Taco Hell. This quaint Mexican restaurant features recipes passed down for generations such as the Fritos Locos burrito, which are finely crafted from the shells of only the corniest and saltiest Fritos trees of the Mexican rainforests. Five-star chefs prepare

only the finest ingredients for their customers, who come back again and again to indulge in delicious regional favorites like crunchtortilla supreme and crunchy cheese gordita. The menu includes the

crunchy cheese gordita that is described on the menu as, “a hot cushion of flatbread enveloped in a blend of amazing cheeses,

covering a crunchy taco shell and with a tangy cheese-like sauce.” This item is a delicious addi-tion to a variety of special-ties only found at this restaurant — which boasts several locations around the Pensacola area.“I save Taco Hell for

only my most roman-tic dates,” said Topanga Lawrence, a frequent visi-tor of the establishment. “There’s just something about sharing a plate of nachos gonggrande in the moonlight that makes the date extra memorable.”Lawrence said the

restaurant’s extensive hours makes it easy to have those last-minute dates everyone enjoys around 2 a.m. or later. The restaurant even

has a drive-through option so on-the-go dates can eat volcano tacos under the stars, washed down by Mountain Explosion Dewdrop — a Taco Hell delicacy — and finish by

sharing a bag of cinna-mon bites. By the end of the meal, you’ll be saying “Yo quiero mas Taco Hell!”For larger parties at

home or in-restaurant, a burrito 12-pack can be ordered to satisfy every-one’s late-night cravings. “We take time to

prepare each menu item as if it were art,” said Chef Emilio Lagassee, reassuring diners that the quantity does not impede quality. “The amount of focus and crafting that goes into our work simply cannot be beat. We truly want the best for our food.”Customers can often be

heard leaving the restau-rant shouting praises such as, “Dude! That was the best burrito of my life!” and “Bro, we’ve got to come back here for ‘Sixthlunch!’”Sixthlunch is the term

Taco Hell has created for customers who come

to dine at the late hours of the night, referring to the meal after dinner and before breakfast. The term has come to be lovingly used among taco enthusiasts everywhere, who often claim that

Sixthlunch is the greatest of all the meals.The best part of Taco

Hell is that although it may break some people’s budgets, most college students can find some-thing affordable.

Whether your crav-ing is for spicy, crunchy, melty or grilled, Taco Hell simply has got your back with its diverse and inge-niously creative menu items. Remember, have a happy Sixthlunch.

Life &

ntertainmentE4


L&E Editor, Barney

Rebelentertainment@

thevoyeur.net

Visit Taco Hell for perfect first date

Amelia HailstormStaff WriterPaul A. Dean has

bought out the Jumping Jacks l o ca t ion on Falapox Street in down-town Pensacola and plans to open a new restaurant, called A Taste of Butter, there on May 18. “By expanding with

our new location on Eight Mile, we should be able to relocate easily. Personally, I am excited for some buttery food,” said Jumping Jacks manager Jack Hopper. Dean was inspired

to open a restaurant by her close friend, Weyland Hashington. He complained downtown food lacked variety. Hashington said he

thought that Dean would be able to add more flavor to the downtown scene. He said, “I am glad

Paul A. took my advice. Downtown Pensacola needed to be introduced to fried foods. The place will never be the same again.”Dean said she plans

to load her menu with some of her famous reci-pes, all containing large amounts of butter. Fried chicken, creamed corn, collard greens and field peas are some of the dishes she will offer. All dishes will be served with a side of butter. Each of the items on the menu will be prepared by Dean and will be available for under $50.The inside of the

r e s t au ran t w i l l b e designed to look like a typical Southern home. Seating will be unique in that people can sit in the different rooms, each of which will open onto the main kitchen so that

everyone can watch Dean cook. She said, “I have all

of my classic dishes on the menu and have even whipped up some new creations for y’all! I am especially excited to introduce my fried butter sticks served with a special butter cream sauce.”E v e r y d a y a t

4:30 p.m., Dean will pick one of her menu items and explain how she makes it step-by-step with the help of certain cooking secrets , she adds. Complimentary cups

of freshly churned butter

will be given to those who attend. “I wanted to open

this restaurant to give downtown Pensacola a d i f ferent d inning experience, Dean said. “Nothing is better than Southern-style food.” The restaurant will

focus mainly on buttery foods but has included “healthy” additions like fried vegetables and fried fruit. “I don’t mind adding

healthy foods to my menu, but the only rule I have is that no one can ask for their meal to be cooked without butter,” she said.

New restaurant aims to fill butter void in Pensacola

Photo special to The Voyeur

A University of West Florida couple exchange their wedding vows at the local Taco Hell on Flavis Dighway. The two frequented the restaurant while dating.


Paul A. Dean’s niece, Molly Land O’Lakes, previews the dishes at A Taste of Butter last week. She said the freshly churned butter is “yum-o!”

RUNDOWN A Taste of Butter, Paul A. Dean’s latest restaurant endeavor, is opening in May at 101 Falapox St. The menu will feature freshly-churned butter cups, collard greens in butter sauce and fried chicken with butter drizzle.Every day at 4:30 p.m., Bean will teach Pensacola residents how to make certain dishes. These classes will be featured somewhere on TV for maximum exposure.

Barney RebelL&E EditorPurple Rose Cartman

is making a name for herself, one that does i not nclude the name of her famous parents. The infant is less than

three months old ,but that isn’t slowing down her career.Cartman is releasing

her debut album, “Most Amazing Baby: Part I” next Tuesday. Her coos, giggles and babbles will be set against a highly synthesized, electronica track mixed with some heavy beats and pop sounds. Cartman’s manny,

Nick A. Meenaj, said the baby wanted to honor the music of her parents, Bee Onsay and Jay-Q, in her own way. “She respects every-

thing her parents have put out,” Meenaj said.

“But it’s time to get her music out for everyone to hear.”Meenaj said everyone

who has heard the album is shocked.“It’s so different. It’s

like nothing you’ve ever heard before.. . l ike a foreign language very few can speak.”Early reviews have

been pos i t ive . One reporter at The Voyeur, Henrietta Ford, said it has a “revolutionary

sound.”“When I listen to it, it

makes me feel like a little kid again,” Ford said.Because memories of

her birth are so fresh, Cartman has several songs on the album devoted to that special day.The song, “Poppin’

It Out in NY” is an ode to her mother, thanking her for bearing the pain of squeezing out her 10-pound body.As she sings “Ma

ma... ma ma... goo goo gaaa” in a heartfelt wail, you can hear the grati-tude and admiration in her voice. Only time will tell if

baby Cartman will have the same high-profile career as her parents. But with this explosive debut, it is easy to see she will not be swaddled to merely sleep in the shadows.

Famous offspring debuts ‘revolutionary ‘ sound


Purple Rose Cartman, whose parents are Bee Onsay and Jay-Q, will be releasing her debut album, “Most Amazing Baby: Part I,” next Tuesday.

“It’s so different. It’s like nothing you’ve ever

heard before”-Nick E. Meenaj

Purple Rose

Cartman’s manny

L&E/5The Voyeur www.thevoyeur.net Today, April 1, 2012

Sequel announcement dissolves warMike HonchoContributing WriterRespected journalist

Ron Burgundy announced on the March 28, 2012 episode of “Conan the Barbarian” that he and Paramount P i c tures have reached an agree-ment to produce a sequel to his 2004 Academy Award-eligible feature film,“Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.”The announcement

spread l ike wildfire throughout the world, and the resounding cheer and goodwill felt by the inhabit-ants of Earth had an immediate and profound effect on the geopoliti-cal climate in the Middle East.Upon hearing the

a n n o u n c em e n t o f “Anchorman II,” Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Iranian President M a h m o u d A h m a d i n e j a d i m m e d i a t e l y convened at a Wendy’s restau-rant in the United Arab Emirates to resolve the conten-t ious host i l i ty between the two nations.“Mr . Bu r gundy ’ s

announcement has filled

my heart with an abun-dance of joy,” Ahmadinejad said as he dipped a french fry in his chocolate Frosty.

T h e p o l a r -i z i n g , h i g h l y -i n t i m i -d a t i n g I r a n i a n p r e s i -dent then became slightly emotional and stated that he

has been freed from a “glass case of emotion.”Netanyahu used equally

positive and optimistic rhetoric to describe the

newfound cama-raderie between h im s e l f a n d A h m a d i n e j a d . The Israeli Prime Minister said he no longer sees himself and Ahmadinejad a s p o l i t i c a l combatants, but as political “co-people.”

The r e l a t i on sh i p between Netanyahu and Ahmadinejad has become

so close, the two political leaders now share an apart-

ment together.While much

jubilation is on display between these once fierce a d v e r s a r i e s , some geopolitical analysts are skep-tical of the sustain-ability of such an unlikely truce.

Gert Frobe, the senior geopolitical correspon-dent for the Greater Idaho Community College radio station KYJL “The Lube” states that negative recep-tion towards recent sequels to highly-regarded comedic motion pictures has incited numerous riots throughout the Middle East.Frobe cites the collapse

of an entire movie theater in Syria in May 2011 after the premiere of “The Hangover: Part II” as a main reason to cautiously anticipate the “Anchorman” sequel.Thirty-seven people

died in the Syrian movie theater, which collapsed because of heavy fire

damage as a result of an intense riot. Eyewitnesses from the scene recount hearing the blood-curdling screams of those trapped in the building as it fell down, with many of the victims exclaiming: “It was the same damn movie as the first one!”Paramount Pictures has

yet to release plot details for the “Anchorman” sequel. Some rumors have surfaced that the film may partially take place in the 1980s.Production on the

sequel to “Anchorman” is scheduled to begin in February 2013.


Ron Burgundy performs a flute number on “Conan the Barbarian” as he announces the upcoming sequel to the 2004 film, “Anchorman.” The film was a hit in the Middle East and was the reason for Iran and Israel’s peace agreement.

Burt SelleckStaff WriterT h r e e s t u d e n t s

no longer attend the University of West Florida because o f Capta in Thunder, an alligator at least 12 feet in length and the notorious inhabitant of Thompson’s Bayou.The Pensacola native

attacked, ki l led and ate three students who were having lunch in the University Commons on Sunday, April 1. According to the

police report, the three students who were killed, Larry, Moe and Curly Howard, were distracted by one another’s repeated attempts to poke each other in the eye with a fork. “Our boys have always

been a handful,” their mother, Mrs. Howard, said. “We just never expected them to become a mouthful.”It was the triplet boys’

35th birthday, and the boys were digging into slices of their favorite flavor of birthday cake, triple chocolate funfetti

surprise. Thunder said the

candles on the cake “put me in a trance. I was just so hungry.”He said the cafete-

ria’s menu was unsatis-fying with options like meatpie surprise and liver on rye. Thunder said the boys’ poor table manners also contrib-uted to his fit of anger. “Poor table manners are simply a pet peeve of mine,” he said.“My parents bought me

a meal plan, but there just isn’t enough variety for an appetite as big as mine,” Thunder said. “If the school provided a higher quality meal, this entire incident could’ve been avoided.”Other students, moti-

vated by Thunder ’s action, have taken a stand against the food served by the school’s cafeteria by boycotting the food service. No other students have died, however.“We believe we serve

a nutritious and filling menu, while reducing waste,” cafeteria manager M.T. Plates said.

Thunder said in reply, “More l ike reducing taste.”Thunder said the only

reason he and many other alligators are so ornery is that “we’ve got all these teeth and no toothbrush.” Thunder said he has

attended UWF more than ten years now, taking mostly online classes. He prefers online classes because of their flexibil-ity and the lack of parking available on campus, he said. He said his hospital-ity classes are easier than hunting down his next meal and often consist of making crafts out of pipe cleaners.UWF Chief of Police

Won Jarren said to treat Thunder like any other student, and he will not attack. He recommends carrying a few marshmal-lows at all times. “They will get you out of a sticky situ-ation, no pun intended,” Jarren said. He said marshmallows are the alli-gator’s favorite snack.According to the police

report, Thunder is not being charged at this time.


Curly Howard, left, poses with Captain Thunder. He was the most annoying Howard triplet, Thunder said.

“Mr. Burgundy’s announcement has filled my heart with an

abundance of joy.”-Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Iranian president

Alligator resident of campusmurders Larry, Moe, Curly

Conan

RUNDOWN Ron Burgundy, one of the most respected fictional journalists in the world, announced there will be sequel to his feature film, “Anchorman.”The Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad resolved their hostility because of their immense happines about the annoucement.Any negative reception of the film in the two countries was met with bloody, violent government crackdowns.

Ahmadinejad

Netanyahu

6

Commander-in-ChiefHenrietta [email protected] EditorBarney [email protected] CuratorAnita [email protected] SuppressorCaptain [email protected] Factual Letters to Editor EditorP. Bill [email protected] EditorTiny [email protected] EditorsfmlKate MiddletonJingly BellsKapitol Coniferieum Obscene Graphics EditorGarry HairdoPaperboyBob Streisand

The Voyeur is produced weekly by students of the University of West Florida and is partially funded by Student Activities and Services fees with assistance from the Of!ce of Student Affairs. This public document was promulgated by the president of the University at an annual cost of $.275 per copy. Opinions expressed do not necessarily represent the views of UWF, The Voyeur or its staff.

Advertiser and advertising agency will indemnify and hold harmless The Voyeur and its staff for all contents supplied to publisher, including text, representation and illustrations of advertisements printed and for any claims arising contents including, but not limited to defamation, invasion of privacy, copyright infringement, plagiarism, and in the case of a pre-printed insert, de!cient postage.

The Voyeur is printed by Freedom Florida Commercial Printing, in accordance with Florida Law. The above information is presented in compliance Section 283.27 of Florida Statutes.

Letters to the EditorEmail letters to [email protected] with “letter to the editor” in the subject line, or stop by Bldg. 36 Room 120 to hand-deliver your letter.

Corrections If you made a mistake

while reading The Voyeur, please report immediately to the Grammar Nazi Gestapo station for punishment.

Please send any comments or questions to the garbage can outside our of!ce.

For someone who cares, call your mother.

CALENDAR


HOUSING

PERSONALSGo to eHarmony.com.

Move out of your stupid apartment and get a cardboard box. It’s cheaper, and people will give you free stuff, like the no-longer-in-use Canadian penny.

JOBSCollege students who have an avid interest in career ideas related to the field of writing should get realistic and change majors ASAP. This advice was free of charge.

April !

The Relay for Slice will be held at 3:14 a.m. in Mercades Benz’s office. The event will include games, food, and LARPing. The event will raise funds for Grandpapa John’s hair plugs and anti-wrinkle cream.

April 5.84958729739

Throughout the month of April, the Health and Unwellness Center will be offering free fitness classes every Friday at 2 a.m. in the library.

Offered classes will include panda boxing, channel surfing, and Madden NFL 13.

For more information, contact John Maddenat his home in Berlin.

April 6.66

Looking for something to waste your weekend on?

President Mercades Benz is seeking enthu-siastic volunteers of all ages to sort through ancient 1960s jew-elry and original “Star Wars” action figures.

Volunteers will work inside her hot, non-air conditioned garage for long hours. Expect verbal abuse, cry-ing, and occasional flogging from Indiana Jones, who will be in charge of this dig.

This event is manda-tory for all prospective UWF graduates.

For more information, contact George Lucas.

April 8.78676

From April 8.78676 to April 13, the Center for the Visually Impaired will be host-ing Glass Awareness Week. It asks for your support for all those who are forced to bear the burden of glasses, even those stylish ones that hip-sters wear.

For those 4.21324 days, please rub but-ter in your eyes so that you too may experi-ence the horrors of eyes that hate you.

April 10.5

From 12 to 12:05 p.m., Angry Moles will be protesting the “stay underground” law that prevents moles from surfacing.

After years of Wack-A-Mole abuse, Angry Moles feel that the new law fails to fully

protect their rights to sunbathe.

April 13.8980000000

Do you want to hike, backpack, and explore Florida’s best-kept secret? Join the UWF Super Aventure Club for a trip abroad to the exotic central Florida’s Great Smoggy Mountains.

Scale the peaks that are as high as 13 dollars above sea level.

The trip costs three limbs and your first-born child.

For more information, contact Captain Thunder in Thompson’s Bayou.

April ___

Event ad lib:

(1) Day of week: ______(2) Noun: ____________(3) Animal: ___________(4) Action verb: _______(5) Body of water: _____(6) Color: ____________(7) Noun: ____________(8) Tyrannical dictator: _____________________(9) Cute animal: ______(10) Erotic clothing type: _____________________(11) Justin Bieber: Justin Bieber(12) Sexy song title: ___________________(13) Super hero: ____________________(14) Action verb: ___________________(15) Emotion (noun): _______________(16) Adjective: ________(17) Noun: ___________(18) Third-world Country: ____________

On ________ (1), you will drink too much ______ (2) at the Wet ______ (3) Bar. Intoxicated, you ______ (4) to the nearest _______ (5) to vomit ________ (6) ________ (7).

Feeling better, you meet up with your friend, ________________ (8), who is wearing an “I heart ___________ (9)” _________ (10).

Suddenly, ___________ (11) junk-punches your friend while screaming “___________” (12).

Fortunately, __________ (13) __________ (14) the alleged assailant, making the Biebster flee in __________ (15).

The three of you decide to create a crime-fighting team, called “The ________ (16) ________s (17) of ___________ (18).

April - Apocalypse

For more events, get a life.

CLUBS Get uninvolved on cam-pus. If your organiza-tion is putting together an event and would like to get the word out to people, feel free to send us a description of what’s happening. We don’t care and won’t help you.

MOBILE

ANNOUNCINGThe Voyeur is now accepting classifieds from faculty, students and staff at very high cost.

If you would like to place a classified with more than 20 words, or you are not affiliated with UWF, you’re on your own. Good luck.

The deadline for your classified ad is the Thursday before the end of the world.

Please email your classifieds to yourself with “classified” in the subject line.

Sir Shmelly

Grand Tribune

First Mate ShmellkinsS.S. Siggy

7

Argonauts are out, honey badgers are in

The sponsorship is the first step in Powers’ plan to change the sports world.


A honey badger eats a snake in the deserts of Africa. The crazy animal will be the University of West Florida’s mascot beginning in the fall of 2012

UWF finds sponsor for stadium in K Swiss, led by Kenny Powers


A honey badger “mean mugs” for the camera. Nothing can stop the honey badger. It don’t care.

Sports Editor, Captain Chris [email protected]

Today, April 1

Powers

After countless inquiries, complaints and demands for a more recognizable mascot, UWF has announced that it will

be represented by the honey badger starting in August.

Photo special to The Voyager

The People’s Champion shows off his new shoe, the K Swiss Tubes. The bottom of it is made by tubes, tuned to how your body grows.

8/S&F Today, April 1, 2012 www.thevoyeur.net The Voyeur

The rest of this issue is a joke, but the ads on this page are

real.

For the real news, check out www.thevoyager.net.

The Voyeur

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