The Squeaky Clean Legacy, 16.3.b: Romanes Ite Domum II
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Transcript of The Squeaky Clean Legacy, 16.3.b: Romanes Ite Domum II
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SqueakyCleanLegacy,16.3:RomanesIteDomumPartII
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InPartOneofthischapter,wereturnedtotheRomansofPleasantview,largelybecauseFlaviusinsistedandhehasconnec=onsaroundhere.Ipromisedalargescaleweddingpalooza.Onward!
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SinceCassiusgotbackfromcollege,he’sbeenrollingoddwants.Like“EarnaSkillPoint.”Iamsoproud.Healsoseemstohaveacquiredsomeofhisfather’scluelessness.Cassius:What’swiththedress,De?Specialoccasion?
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De:Teehee!SimMe:OW,Cassius!IfyouPunchMethathardagainnext=me,youaregoingrightthroughthewall.
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Marcus:Mom!Mom,look!
BunthorneGoodytwoshoes:Hello?
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Marcus:IgotanA+!GrammahelpedmewithmyhomeworkandI’msmartandIgotanA+andIbroughthomeafriendfromschool!Hey,that’sapreVydress.Bunthorne:Yoohoo?
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De:Oh,Marcus,Iamsoproud.Ihaveatreatforyou!We’reallgoingtoacommunitylottogether!Oh,dear...Yournewfriendcan’tcomealong.Marcus:Eh,he’llbeherewhenwegetback.
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Andsoitis=metoshuffleofftotheShuffleOffWeddingPalazzo...
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...Openedfortheoccasionbyitshardworkingproprietor.
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Ikeepexperimen=ngwithweddingcommunitylots.It’sprobablyadeepcharacterflaw.AndIlikeoneswithglasswalls,thoughthiscanbeabittricky.Thecherrytrees,however,stay.
(NotethatthedancefloorhasgliVerballswithnovisiblemeansofsupport.)
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TheShuffleOffalsosellsthoseglamorousweddingcakes,andtheownertendsbar.Soallitneeds...
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...IsareallygoodDJ.Gilbert:AndIhope,voyez‐vous,thatitisnottedious,theplayingoverandoverofthe“Yahoo,itisacelebra=on”song.Cassidy:Heckno!
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Ithinkhemeantthat.
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AndsotheliVleRomanfamilypartyarrivesattheShuffleOff.
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Impa=ent,De?De:Justmakeeverybodygetinhereandsitdown.Theguestlistismostlysimselves.Goodluckwiththat.
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Foronething,OrikesandTer=usinsistondancingtogether,justasthoughtheycouldn’tdoitathome.Lousythreebolts.
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Marina’stryingtositdown,butsomeoneisinherchair,andTinaisholdingupMarina’shusbandSabinus.YouknowsomethingiswrongwhenDontheZombieisthewell‐behavedone.
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Andlet’snotevenmen=ontheidiotsoutatthedancefloor.Thereisaweddinggoingon!Doyoumind?***Roughlylectoright:SamaraUglacy,DocNerd,Dicreasy,Candi,EphemeralToast,Stacilee,CassidyastheDJandGilberttendingbar.
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Oh,well,De,Iguesyou’regoingtohavetomakedowiththepeopleactuallythere.
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NotthattheyaremuchbeVer.Di’sVictoriansseemtohavebecomealiVlebitclumped.Theo:Onlyyou’rejustabitinmylineofsight,Stanley.Idowishyouwouldsitdown.Eddie:Psst,it’snotthepub,Stanley,sit down.
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Honestly,Itrytosetagoodexample.Flaviusevenmanagedtositdownnexttome.Idon’tknowwhatailstheseSims.
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Marcus:IwisheveryonewouldseVledownsoMomandDadcouldgetmarried.
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Augh,disgus=nglysappy.
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Alldone,ANDStanleyevenfoundaseat!Thatwasn’ttoohard,nowwasit?
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Marina:Youdidn’tshowthebigredringoverhishead.
Oh,CassiustookquitetheliVleAspira=onalhit,butitdoesn’tseemtohaveaffectedhim.
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He’sprobablyfocusedonthecakeorsomething.
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De:It’schooooocolate.
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Oh,comeon,Cassius,noonewantstohearwhatyou’recongratula=ngyourfatherabout.Nothingtoseehere.
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Inlawinappropriatenessisrifeatthiswedding.PurpleBunny,Idon’tthinkyoushouldbetellingyourmotherinlawadirtyjoke.PurpleBunny:Joke?Orikes:Shh,shh,Iwanttoknowwhatcomesnext.
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ThereisalsomuchLegacySimandSimselfjollifica=ononthedancefloor.
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Theo: Don’t know much about dancin’, that’s why I gots this song, One of my legs is shorter than the other and both of my feet’s too long; Course now right along with ‘em, I got no natural rhythm: But I go dancin’ every night, hopin’ I might get it right, cause I’m a Dancin’ foool . . . . (“Dancin’Fool,”FrankZappa)
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Doc,I’monlygoingtosaythisonemore=me;pickoneands=cktoit.Idon’twanttoletyouputastakeinpoorUlysses’fragileliVlevampiricheart.
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There’snothinglikeagooddoorjam,isthere?Thisisactuallythelinetowashupplates.
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Despitethis,agood=mewashadbyall,withtheolderSimselvesandRomanssoakinginthehotspring.
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Hopeyoudon’tmindthechaos,De.
De:AweddingthrownbyCassbert?Areyoukidding?
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DeandCassius:sappilysweetinareallyscarykindofway.
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GageUglacy:So,wazzittake,huh?ImeanImean...whycomeIdon’tgetnothingandhegetsthatgirl.ImeanwhaevverhegotIgotatleasttwiceofitwhaevveritis.
Gilbert:Thisis,howdoyousayit,ahardtownfortheRomanceSims,M.Gage.
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TitusreturnedhometotheofficialCaesar’sPalace,thoughhisfatherDomi=anpreferstodownplaythisandgoesby“Mr.Caesar.”TitusisactuallyPenelope,Ulysses,andAchilles’firstcousin,becauseDomi=anmarriedSophia’sindolentandpleasantlyvagueyoungersisterDiana.
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Ah.ItlooksasthoughtheofficialMariuscon=ngentinvitedthemselvesover.
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Ter=us:Youprobablydon’tremembermefromourfratdays,butI’maPleasureSim,too!Domi=an:Cool!Sorry,we’vebeenmeaningtogetthatbowlingalleyputin.You’llhavetocomebacklater.
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Penguingirl:WethoughtthatifwestrolledbyastheWelcomeWagon,wecoulds=ckaroundforthewedding.Domi=an:Wedding?
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Yes,Ithinkwe’llbehavingoneofthoseanymomentnow.
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IthinkthisdressissoMeadow.
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It’salovelysetup,buttherearealwaysSNAFUswhenIthrowweddings.
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IwishI’ddoublecheckedontheformalwear.You’llseealotofladiesintheirweddingdresses,andIdon’tknowwhathappenedtoSophia’sformalwear.Shelooks...Flavius:Amazing.Well,yes.She’sSophia.
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Algernon:Yourweddingdresslooksso...Penelope:SoWHAT,Algernon?MydresslookssoWHAT?Algernon:...Nice?Penelope:Oh.Well,that’sbeVer.
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Onceagain,afairnumberofpeopleseemtobeunclearabouthowtositdown.
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Penelopealsostubbornlyposi=onedherselfrightinfrontofthebridalcouple.
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OritcouldbethatshewasenjoyinglookingathermotherandherauntDianasiingnexttoeachother.IknowIwas.(ThegentlemansiinginbackbetweenJackandAchillesisBrandonBroke,whohappenedtobestrollingby.)
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Isn’tthispreVy?Allinall,itwasalovelyceremony,andIdon’tknowwhysomepeoplecouldn’tgetittogethertositdownordressupor...
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Scratchthat.I’msuretheyallhadperfectlygoodreasons.
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Onceagain,it’sTituswhogetstheAspira=onpointsformarryingMeadow,whilesheswoonsoverAchilles.Nevermind,shedidrollthewantforababy,atleast.
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PenelopeseemstohaveforgivenAlgernonforno=cingthatshewass=llinherweddingdressandisexplainingallabouttheLegacyethos.
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Orsomething.
ThisiswhyIdidnotallowAlgernonandPenelopetohangaroundtogetheralotincollege.
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Waytogo,Ter=us,strollinfrontofthehappycouplerightduringthecake‐cuing.
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Turningthecameraaroundisn’tmuchbeVer,asMeadowtenderlystabsherlovinghusbandintheeye.
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TheblueofOrikes’WaterfordManorandtheweddingthemeandthepinkofMeadow’sdresshasacertainBarbiefeeltoit.
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Flavius:WhentherearelotsofRomanshavinglotsofpar=esandgeinglotsofface=me,IfeellikeI’mdoingmyjob.
IthinksomepeoplearepuzzledaboutwhymySimselfkeepsmarryingFlavius.
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Facialexpressionslikethis.Honestly,doesn’thelooklikeabigenthusias=cSpaniel?
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LikesomanySims,mySimselfisuVerlyuninterestedintheceremony,butrightin=meforthecake.Youmustadmitthatit’sanicelookingcake,though.
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IthinkPenguingirlchosetositwithTitusandMeadowbecauseTitusisNelsonPenguino’sgrandson.You’llno=cehe’sinheritedNelson’selfears,whicharefairlyunusualforaRoman.
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DianaandDomi=anoriginallybondedovergames,andDomi=anpromisedthathewouldfilltheirhousewiththem.(HewassomewhatquietaboutbeingEmpress—Ithinkhe’sjustashappytoignorethatpart.)
Hekepthispromise,andseveraloftheweddingguestsgothungupontheGamerpinballmachine.FirstPurpleBunny‐‐‐
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‐‐andthenCassiusandJack.
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It’snotunusualformypartythrowerstobeinbedasleepbythe=metheirpartyends.MeadowandTitusdidn’tjustre=reforsomeWooHoo—theyreallywereexhausted.
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Obviously,therewassomeWooHooinvolved,too.
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Orikes:Ididn’tevenhaveachancetogohome.
Theremayalsohavebeenafew=mecheatsinvolved.
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AndsoMeadowbecamethemotherofthenextCaesarboy,thoughthereissomethingaboutherexpressionthatcreepsmeout.Meadow:Mine!Allmine!
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TheynamedhimVespasian,whowasofthesamedynastyasTitusandDomi=an.Inactualhistory,VespasianwasTitusandDomi=an’sfather,butthat’satadconfusing.Vespasianhashisdaddy’sbrownhairandhismother’sdarkblueeyes.Onceagain,owingtotherebuild,mySimsarehomozygous.There’sreallynohelpforit.S=ll,Ithinktheresultswouldn’thavebeenmuchdifferent,asTituswasbrown/blackandbrown/green.
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Oncethebabywasborn,Meadowreallybeganac=nglikeaFamilySim.
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Infact,TitusinsistedongivingVespasianaboVlebeforehewouldagehimup.Ifeltabitguiltyaboutthis.Itwasclearthattheywouldhavelikedtoenjoytheirbaby,butIreallyamworriedaboutmyLegacy’sstasisandbabyhoodissomethingIdon’treallymiss.
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HasanyonegoVenarunoftuxedos?Alotofmykidsareagingupintuxedosthesedays.
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Anyway,thisiswhatVespasianlookslikeaceraquicktriptothemirror.He’saclassicallyneatandmeanRoman:aTaurus,9/9/3/10/1.
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Tituslosesno=meingeingtotheimportantbitofVespasian’seduca=on.
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Titus:WhatdidDaddysayaboutwhatmakesaRomanRoman?
Vespasian:Plumbing.Titus:Goodboy!
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Atanotherhouse,anotherweddingistakingplace.Tolookathim,youwouldscarcelyknowthatAlgernonisRomanatall.ThismayhavesomethingtodowithhisfatherEarnest’sKnowledgeSimunconcernwithoutwardappearances.OritmighthavesomethingtodowithrunningoutofRomanaireforboys.
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TheweddingguestsaremostlyRoman,however.Algernon’sfatherEarnest,onceofmyfavoritegrandchildren,isfirst,nexttoTitusCaesar;FlaviusandIalsocame,ofcourse.TheotherredheadinbackisDaniellePleasant,whocrashedtheparty.
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VictoriaGoodytwoshoeswasagoodfriendofthebrideincollege,andasaPopSim,shelovesagoodparty.Soofcourse,shehadtobethere.Andnaturally,CassiusandDewereinvited.You’llno=cethattheguestsareinalongline?That’sbecausewhilethishouse,designedbyBastDawn,isafabulouslyplayableone,thereisn’talotofroomforweddingpar=esoutside.
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MadeleineandAlgernondidn’tseemtoworryaboutittoomuch.
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AndneitherdidCassiusandDe,whohadotherthingstotalkabout.
Cassius:Psst!YouknowRhys?Cassius,doyoureallyhavetoaskifDeknowsRhys?
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Cassius:Youknowwhohecan’tstand?
De:No,who,who?
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Cassius:SpiderJerusalem!De:KKkkt!Noway!Cassius:Way!I’mafraidRhysandSpiderJerusalemdidgetintoaregreVableearlysmackdown,attheLegacyhouse,noless.
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Everyonemanagedtomakeitinsideforthecake.You’llno=cethatCassidy,Algernon’sadoptedbrother,invitedGilberttobehisplusone.
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Somepeopledon’tknowwhentogohomefromawedding.
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Somepeopledon’tknowhowtobehaveatall.
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Cassidy:Algernon really seems happy. Huh.
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Cassidy:Gilbert,Iknowyoureallyaren’tthemarryingkindandIdidn’tthinkIwasgoingtobe,butIreallydoloveyouandIdon’twanttobedroppedbytheMatchmakerand...
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Cassidy:AndeventhoughtheguyinthehottubismakingmealiVlenervous—
Flavius:Oh,don’tmindme.Ienjoyeavesdroppingonareallygoodproposal.
Cassidy:‐‐Ireallywishyou’d,like,getengagedtomeanywayandI,um,boughtyousomething.
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Cassidy:Ithoughtitlookednice.It’sapresent.Youcankeepit,evenifyoudon’twantto.
Gilbert:Cassidy,IdonotkeeptheringwithoutIalsokeepyou,cheri.
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OK,soGilberttooka=nyliVleAspira=onalhit.ButCassidywashappierthanGilbertwasunhappy,andIneversawanymeltdowns.
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Gilbert:Well,yes,itisthe“mee=ngsomeonenew”we‘aveincommon,n’est‐cepas,M.Marius?
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MadeleinehadherandAlgernon’sbabyboy,Worthing,shortlyacerwards.
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AlgernonisactuallyalsoMarina’sgrandson—MarinamarriedSabinus,andtheirdaughterPoppaeamarriedEarnest,andtheyhadAlgernon.Iknowshewillbepleasedtohaveared‐headedgreat‐grandbaby.Worthingisactuallymygreat‐greatgrandsononononesideandmygreat‐great‐greatgrandsonontheotherside.Romansmarrytheirownrela=ves:that’sallIhavetosayaboutthat.
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Otherthan“isn’thecute?”
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D’aw.
Fortherecord,Worthingisalsosuper‐Nice:anAquarius,4/1/6/8/10.
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Cassidyfeltthatthehousewasgeingkindoffull,andsoGilbertaskedhimtomovein.Andthen,unbelievably,therewasyetanotherwedding.
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FullofmisbehavingRomansandSimselves.
Marina:Ihavesomeredheadedgreat‐grandbabies,trala...
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Cassius,thisisn’tthesameoldthingaboutRhysandSpiderJerusalem,isit?
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Flavius:Kkt,that’shilarious...Whyisithilarious,again?
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SpiderJerusalem:Don’taskme.Idon’tthinkit’sfunnyatall.
DocNerd:Meeither.
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SpiderJerusalem:AndthisoldbroadhasaboutfiveminutestogetoffofmylapbeforeIgetseriouslyannoyed.
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GilbertandCassidyactuallyhadtoholduptheceremony...
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Becausesomepeoplewouldnotsitdown.
PurpleBunny:My,you’vegrownsincemywedding,Cassius.
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IgaveuponDeniseacerawhileandjustmovedherwithMoveObjectsOn.
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Andsomepeoples=llwouldnotsitdown.
Cassius:AndhebeatupSpiderJerusalem!Doyoubelievethat?De:Teehee!It’sjustashilariousthetwen=eth=me!
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Flavius:You’llhavetoexcusehim.Hewasbroughtupinabarn.Webroughthimup,Flavius.Flavius:You’llhavetoexcusehim.He’saspecialsnowflakeanditisinnowayourfault.
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Well,noone’sgoingtoruinthispartoftheceremony,right?
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De:I’mborednow.IthinkI’llwalkrightinfrontofthearch.
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Notthatourboysno=ceorcare.
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Cassidy:Wereallyshouldgetsomegirl‐girlandboy‐boycaketoppersintheshop,don’tyouthink?
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Gilbert:Nowthis,itisagenoise.Youknowthegenoise?Esponge,andabuVercreamwithItaliansilkmeringue.Cassidy:Mphm.Noshoptalk.
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SpiderJerusalem:Ah,Idon’tcareaboutthegossipaslongasthere’skickybag.
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AndDoc,you’vejustmadeFlaviusveryhappybybeingsomeoneNewforhimtoMeet.
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Cassidy:Hasyourmothersaidanythingaboutgrandchildren?
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Gilbert:No.Itisprobablethatshewouldwishforgrandchildren,butsheknowsitisathingimpossible.
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Cassidy:Well,maybenot.Imean,Iwasadopted.IwastakenawaybytheSocialWorker,soIdon’trememberanything,butIhearmyfatherwasanastypieceofwork.AndDadadoptedmeandgavemeachance.Maybethere’sakidouttherewho’sbeenbadlytreated—maybehedeservesagoodeduca=onandsomelove,too.
Gilbert:Itisathingtothinkof.
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Cassidy:Well,wedon’thavetothinkaboutitrightnow.
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Holdit.Ithoughtyousaidyouweren’tgoingtothinkofitnow.Cassidy:It’slater,isn’tit?I’msureGilbertwon’tmind.
Andthusthewaitbegins.Ittakesaboutadayandahalfforanadoptedchildtoshowup,andit’simportantthatheorshearriveonaweekend,unlessyouwanttofacegradetroubleandtheSocialWorkershowingupagain.Sowehavesome=metokill.
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Stanley:Didyoujustmovein?
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Cassidy:Yes,IjustmovedinwithGilbert.We’rewai=ngforachildtoarrive.Ihopeyoudon’tfindthatodd.
Stanley:Huh,well,ifyouknewmyfamilyarrangements,you’dknowwhyIdon’tfindthatoddatall.Idon’tevenlivewithmyliVlegirl,butIseeherallthe=me,andeveryoneseemstobehappythatway.
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Stanley’snottheonlyonetopassby.
Gilbert:Mlle...Didyousay“Kiko”Tellerman?
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Gilbert:AndperhapsIoughttoknowyou,Mlle.?
Dicreasy:IbelieveyouhaveoneofmySimsonthepremises.
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Dicreasy:CanItellyouhowmuchIadmireyou,Stanley?
Stanley:No.
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Atlastthenewadoptedboyarrives.
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Boy:Mr.Jacquet?Theladysentme.Shesaidyouwantedaboy.MynameisZane.
Gilbert:I...amnotrememberingthis.Andhowdoesthiscometobe?
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Zane:Well,IwasstayingwiththisveryniceladynamedDonna,andwereadtogetheronthecouch,andIneverwenttoschool,andIwasn’t=redofea=ngpopcornyet.
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Zane:Andthenthisotherladycametogetme.
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Zane:AmIreallysupposedtobesomeone’sboy?CanIcomebackandstaywiththenicelady?
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SocialWorker:No,youmaynot.
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Don’tworry,Zane.DonnaLotharioisquitefondofboys.You’rejustabitoutofheragerange,butI’msureoneofthemwillkeephercompany.
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Zane:Sotheotherladybroughtmehere.ButIguessitwasallamistake,andIdon’twanttobeabother,so...
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Idon’tthinkyou’llbeabother,Zane.
SocialWorker:Bye‐bye,boys!
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Zanealsoquicklymakesfriendswithhisotherdaddy.
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Zane:IknowImusthavehadamotherandafather.Ijustdon’trememberanythingaboutthem.AndsomenamelikeDe...Dev...Cassidy:Iknow.Idon’tremembermine,either,exceptforanamelikeVet‐something.‐‐It’sprobablybestnottotrytoremember,Zane.We’reyourfamilynow.Zane:But‐‐‐
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Gilbert:Ithinkitwillnotdoanyharm,justthisonce.
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Zane:Isthatcake?
‐‐Idon’tthinkIeverhadcakebefore.IknowIwouldhaverememberedcake.
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Gilbert:Thereismorecake.TodayyouareaJacquet,yes?Andsobeginstheeduca=onofyourpalate.
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Cassidy:Oh,God,don’ttalkcookingtothepoorkid,Gil,hejustgothere.
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Zane:ButMr.Jacquet—Gilbert:Papa—Zane:Um...Papa.Idon’tunderstand.Ilikeeggs,butIdon’tunderstandwhythey’resoimportant.Youjustfrythem,right?
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Gilbert:(sharpintakeofbreath)
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Gilbert:Ah,enfant.Itisclearyouhavemuchtolearn.
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ManythankstothewriterswhoseSimselvesandSimsI’veborrowed:DocNerd:VeFnari Dualegacy:Cassidy,SpiderJerusalem,andhersimself;
Marina/Smoothiequeen:Villainous Apocalypse,RhysFitzhughandhersimself;
PurpleBunny:PiraFcal Legacy,JackandEddieBuccaneerandhersimself;
Orikes:Pseudo Legacy,hersimself;
De/Fireflower314:Morgan Legacy,hersimself;Ben/Blite27:Ten Caesars,FlaviusandCassiusMarius;
Dicreasy:Victorian Legacy,EddieandStanleyLegacy,TheodoreHarrison,andhersimself;
Candi:Chili Catastrophe,Don,Samara,andGage,andhersimself;
Penguingirl,Penguino Legacy;EphemeralToast,RubyBlue,WriterTina,Stacilee,andothersimselves—AndspecialthankstoPeasant007,Devereaux Legacy,forallowingmetogiveZaneahappierlife.