The Rules of Conception by Angela Lawrence - Chapter Sampler

7/29/2019 The Rules of Conception by Angela Lawrence - Chapter Sampler

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theRULES of

CONCEPTION

ANGELA LAWRENCE


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Dedicated to

All the single ladies


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1

Prologue

Id arranged to meet Digby outside a busy coffee shop in Surry

Hills. It was a Friday morning and despite having emailed each

other regularly over the past three months, we were strangers.

Digby had sent a photo of himself, which had been handy

mainly because Id googled him prior to receiving it and had

come up with a choice of three Digby Howarths (who knew!).

One resembled Leonardo DiCaprio, another had regular features

brown hair, pale skin, good bone structure and kind eyes while

the third was morbidly obese.

The shallow me hoped for Leonardo as I was still youngish and

single, while the lazy me had prayed it wasnt Mr Obese because

I didnt want to start my online search again. The realistic and

sensible me, however, knew it would be Mr Regular Features

because, in my heart, he looked about right.

I felt relieved when I clicked on Digbys photo and it was the

same man. Its not the photo I show people, though. Later on

I found another, which is more like the Digby I know. He is

smiling politely, dressed in a suit and standing in a beautiful

garden with his hands behind his back. There is something in


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2 Angela Lawrence

his expression that makes sense to me. This is the photo I show

people when they ask me what he looks like.It surprised me that I felt nervous when I saw Digby approach-

ing me. It occurred to me that Id been spending so much time

dwelling on what I thought of Digby and had given little thought

to how he might perceive me. I knew I was normal, but he didnt

and suddenly I felt self-conscious.

Digbys expression was quite severe as he walked towards me.

When he got closer, he asked reservedly: Rachel? His Canadianaccent was softer than I expected.

You must be Digby, I offered. Its nice to meet you.

Digby smiled. Rachel. Youre exactly as I imagined you to be.

He looked around. Lets find a table where we can talk.


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3

Chapter 1

I stare at the text message in disbelief. How could a grown man

behave so badly?

Its Friday night, my thirty-fifth birthday and five minutes

ago my plans were to leave the office and meet Simon in the

city before being taken out somewhere special. But according to

Simons ridiculously long text message, he now has a conference

call which wont end until shock of all horrors eight oclock

and: Im sorry but Im just going to go home afterwards, because Im

totally shattered, working on this massive deal.

Simon is firstly, a senior associate at Cutters & Page, a law firm

in the city, and secondly, my boyfriend. Im sure he thinks most

people are very impressed about him being a lawyer, so it gives

me some satisfaction that my friend Harry asked him if Cutters &

Page was a hairdressing salon when they first met. He is desperate

to be made a partner because there are younger partners than him

in the firm and hes got an enormous chip on his shoulder about

it and pretty much everything else.

I shouldnt be surprised at receiving this text. Simon often

cancels at the last minute, usually because hes shattered after


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4 Angela Lawrence

working such busy days. At first I understood. Everyone knows

how hard lawyers work. But as I read his text, I acknowledge thecreeping feeling Ive had for some time now: How can I have

willingly come second to his career, simply because I want to be

in a relationship? I feel ridiculous.

I scroll down the screen: Im sorry Rachel but Im sure you under-

stand given that you have a high-pressure job too

I know hes lying about my job being important to soften me

up because once he asked me how I could be satisfied doing some-thing as inconsequential as media relations. He was, of course,

comparing it to the valuable contribution he makes to society as

a corporate lawyer.

Ill take you out before I go to Nepal at the end of October. Id

forgotten about Nepal, although Im not sure how because this

is Simons other key conversation topic. He is going on a trek

to clear his mind and become more goal-focused.At the momentI really need to be laser-focused on end goals

I dont even bother replying to his message because Ive already

made up my mind. Instead I go to my Facebook profile, read a long

stream of birthday well-wishes and change my status from in a rela-

tionshipto single. Simon and I are finished and I decide to let it die

a natural death resulting from a change in online relationship status.

Empowered by my decision but flattened by this complete

birthday celebration fail, I sit for a while looking at my reflection

in the office window. Im wearing a new dress; Ive redone my

makeup. I have particularly good hair today and its all wasted

because Im sitting alone in my office on a Friday night.

I could call my friends and theyd probably meet me for a

drink, but Im not in the mood. I consider fighting any woe-is-

me thoughts but then decide to go with it: Thirty-fi ve years old,

alone and single on my birthday with no plans, wondering how I let my

life turn into this?


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The Rules of Conception 5

Eventually I cant take any more of my mirror image and pitiful

existence and leave the office. By the time I get myself home,takeaway food still in the plastic bag and glass of wine in hand, I

am as miserable as I can be. I dont want to see my friends, I dont

want to be in my apartment, and I cant think of one romantic

comedy that will make me feel better. In short, right now, I cant

stand my own company.

In such times of crisis, I do the only thing I can think of and

call my parents who live three hours out of Sydney and leavea message to let them know Ill be visiting them for the weekend.

And then I get drunk.

Is Simon going to take you out for your birthday when you go

back to Sydney? my mother asks tentatively, while my father reads

the paper. Im setting the table for lunch my hastily arrangedfamily birthday lunch to be exact.

I havent told my parents about Simon standing me up last

night, and retrospectively, I may have already had a few wines

before I called them to let them know Id be visiting. They have

asked very few questions until now, but I can tell theyre confused

about my spontaneous visit and while Im glad to be here, I am

also feeling a little sheepish.

I shake my head. No. We broke up, so thats not going to

happen. I see my parents exchange looks. Its fine, really. Dont

look so worried because Im not bothered at all. In fact Im

pleased.

This is partly true. After a good nights sleep, I can see every-

thing more clearly and while Im still humiliated about being

stood up on my birthday, I know that Simon and I were never

going to make it. Its the thought of starting again; trying to find

someone new that bothers me. I feel tired at the prospect.


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6 Angela Lawrence

Are you sure? Mum asks.

I feel self-conscious because I dont know how to convincethem and dont want their pity. Ive got enough to think about in

terms of where my life is going without factoring in their worry.

I am fine. And honestly, did you want him here?

My family has met Simon a few times and while they havent said

as much, they found him boring. He kept banging on about the

jus in his meal not being up to scratch and then posturing about

wine. Perhaps if hed talked about cars or movie trivia, he might

have won them over. As it was, I felt mortified for him. I probably

should have ended it there because its your parents you should be

embarrassed about, not your boyfriend!

Its not important whether we liked him or not, my mother

says diplomatically. Its what you think that matters.

I dont answer because, for the first time, I realise Id never

really factored in whether Id liked Simon or not.

So, thirty-five? My sister, Rebecca, asks as we eat lunch. Whats

next?

I look at her meaningfully. Do you think Id be here if I knew? But

instead I say: I dont know. I guess Id like life to move on a bit.

It astounds me that you cant find a decent man, my brother,

Tim, says wondrously. Hes been with Linda, his wife, forever

and he just doesnt understand why I havent got my personal life

together by now and why I sometimes feel a bit sensitive about

this. Given this and the fact that hes never experienced justifying

being single, he could never grasp why I would notwant to discuss

this at my birthday lunch.

The clock is ticking, Linda adds, her tone suggesting that I am

the fussy one rather than none of it being terribly easy.


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I dont want the conversation to go down this path and I can

see my parents looking uncomfortable on my behalf.I know they dont mean any harm. But its about as comfort-

able as the time my crazy boss Lyndall took our team out for

lunch and then made everyone go around the table, one by one,

describing their wedding. The difference there, of course, is that

she did it on purpose to single me out given that I was the only

unmarried person at the table.

Youre just picky. Tim shakes his head.No, Im not, I say indignantly. Why do people think this? If

anything, Ive been giving loads of different people a go over the

past few years.

You shouldnt have to make something work. Mum pats my

arm. Youre far too good for that.

Even though its a statement all mothers make, she is right.

Everyone is far too good forthat. Simon had been a set-up by amutual friend and was an effort on my part to move away from

my usual type and find a more stable person. Someone I could

settle down and possibly have a family with.

Its a strange formula, trying to make something work with

someone who will make you unhappy, so you can have the very

thing that will make you happy.

You should have a baby by yourself, Rebecca remarks

offhandly. Look at Michelle Pfeiffer. She adopted that darling

little girl and then a month later she met David E. Kelly and life

is perfect. She tells me this as though she has only recently had

coffee with Michelle and has discussed the details firsthand. My

sister and mother relate everything back to Hollywood.

There are so many reasons I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer,

apart from her having darling adopted and biological children.

I do, however, think that comparing my life to Michelle Pfeiffers

is entirely unrealistic.


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8 Angela Lawrence

I roll my eyes at her and she ignores me. Seriously! Look at

January Jones. Had a baby by herself and never looked back.Clearly January was at the same coffee shop.

Mum intervenes. Youve plenty of time. Because she knows

that all I really want right now is to knowthat I will have a baby

one day. Youre only thirty-five years old, and the world is

changing. Im amazed at how many people have babies in their

forties, and so easily.

True, I say and then my mother starts referring to the likes ofMadonna, Geena Davis, Susan Sarandon, the redhead in Desper-

ate Housewives and those weird stories in online newspapers titled

Khuzestan Grandmother Gives Birth to Twins! None of these

stories really reflect the average persons wealth, access to state-of-

the-art reproductive technology, ability to circumvent conventional

adoption procedures and in the latter example mental stability.

I think if either one of them could come up with one non-Hollywood case study, Id be more inclined to listen. Right now

I wouldnt know where to start with having a baby by myself

and Im not sure Im ready for such drastic measures.

Okay. My father pulls rank. Its Rachels birthday. Lets stop

hassling her and give her some gifts.

I receive a range of gifts most of which Id asked for and

an array of drawings on random bits of paper from my nieces

and nephews. Rebecca gives me a book.

I read the back of it and I thought of you, she says happily

before Ive unwrapped it.

This happens to me all the time and I just know the kind of

book its going to be. Its a hefty read titled The Groom Gamble.

Shelley is thirty something and successfully climbing the corporate

ladder in her publishing fi rm. Apart from a miserable love life, shes

happy with her lot. That is until Randolph Wagner, the ageing


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owner of the fi rm visits and incorrectly assumes that she is married

to an old family friends son. Flattered and enjoying the new careeropportunities due to his sudden interest in her, Shelley goes along

with it and starts creating an elaborate relationship. But when

Randolph wants Shelley and her husband to spend the summer

break in the South of France with his family, Shelley needs to fi nd

a husband fast.

But how is she going to do this in a city of ten million single

women and four eligible men?

I quickly scan the reviews, which include phrases such as hilari-

ous romp and addictive read.

Thanks. It looks great, I tell her. I cant wait to start it. And

while the multitude of books about single women makes me feel

self-conscious whenever Im in a bookstore, I will probably start

it tonight and more than likely finish it in two days, so addictive

will it be.

With gifts out of the way, Mum raises her glass. To Rachel on

her thirty-fifth birthday may this be her year to shine.

We all raise our glasses and Rebecca, unwilling to let it go,

says: You should really think about the baby thing, you know.

I ignore her and Dad mercifully changes the subject. I listen

quietly, mulling over the events of the past twenty-four hours and

silently make a pact to myself not to keep chasing a life I cant ever

see myself playing a role in.


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The Rules of Conception by Angela Lawrence - Chapter Sampler

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