The Lost Art of Schmoozing - Mark Hansen.pdf · Director, Risk Management The Lost Art of...
Transcript of The Lost Art of Schmoozing - Mark Hansen.pdf · Director, Risk Management The Lost Art of...
Mark Hansen, CSP, PE, CPEA, CPSA, CPE
Director, Risk Management
The Lost Art of
Schmoozing
The Lost Art of Schmoozing
… Never miss an opportunity …
And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more. Erica Jong
If you Choose NOT to Schmooze
I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …
I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …
I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …
I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …
These are my crayonsThere are many like these But these are mine …My crayons are my best friend.I must master them as I master my life.Without me my crayons uselessWithout my crayons, I am useless …
In it All, We Have to Keep Our Sense of Humor …
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move … a body
New $100 Bill
Autocorrect makes me say things I don’t Nintendo
Science and Math
Applied to Schmoozing
i
Fuzzy Logic – Degrees of Truth(allows things to be partially true)
Temperature
Water
% T
ime
0 100
Less and less true
the water is cold
Absolutely true
that water is cold
Cold Hot
More and more true
the water is hot
Fuzzy Logic – Degrees of Truth(allows thing to be partially true)
How often you Lie
Lying
% T
ime
0 100
Lie too muchLie more and more Pathological Liar
The Lost Art of Schmoozing
… Never miss an opportunity …
The key to success in management is keeping the people that hate you from the
people that haven’t made up their minds yet. Casey Stengel
Schmoozing Defined
To talk casually, especially in order to
gain an advantage
or
make a social connection.http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/schmooze
Try a little tact you fathead. Burt Reynolds
Mark’s Definition of Schmoozing
The way people build
relationships …
… in business.
I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the Fitness Protection Program.
A Few Keys
• Think Analog, not
digital (The Internship)
• Prepare for every
event
• Determine what you
have in common with
other people at the
event
• Prepare a self-
introduction (short)
• Approach the person
standing alone
• Just smile and say “Hi”
or “Hello”
• Make small talk
• Go with the intention
of having fun
• Smile
• Be well read e.g., WSJ,
Economist, etc.
A bore is someone who has no small talk.
Sir Alexander Korda (movie producer)
Listening … Why we Stink at it
• Thinking about what we are going to
say … Repeat what they just said.
• Multi-tasking. We can do many things
at once but poorly.
• Looking at other people. Concentrate
on the person as the most important
thing you are doing.
• Distracted … Looking at iPhone.
God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason
Introvert v Extrovert
• Max influenceGroup
Interaction
Consumes
Energy
Group
Interaction
Generates
EnergyHang with an
Extrovert
Networking v Schmoozing
Professional Meetings
Exchanging business cards
Business focused
Discussing skills sets Time outside of work
Superiors get to know you
Getting to know superiors
Quasi-Business focused
Working
Hard to get
ahead
Learning the
Secret
Handshake
Negative Views of Schmoozing
Brown nosing
Wasting time
Reduced productivity
Impractical
Misconceptions
Management would be easy if it wasn’t for all the people.
Excuses for not Schmoozing
• I didn’t think it was important
• It’s not appropriate
• There’s not enough time
• If you have the talent you don’t need to schmooze
• I’m shy / introverted
• I’m not sure what to reveal
• I’m afraid of rejection
• I don’t want to do it
• My boss is unresponsive
• It’s difficult to get the conversation going and keep it going
• I don’t like it
• I don’t drink alcohol
• I don’t want to be labeled
• It’s superficial
• It’s phony and dishonest
• It feels like there must be an ulterior motive
• I have to give up time that I’d rather use for doing things I enjoy
• It’s just small talk
• I’m pretending to have fun
• My hands get clammy
• It’s uncomfortable
Shyness …
Preoccupied
with self
Will I be:
funny?
accepted?
Will they like me?
Do I sound
stupid?
Will I make a
mistake?
Sometimes I’m afraid of bears. Sometimes I’m not. I think I’m bipolar.
Think you are too Shy?
• Change your behavior
• Adapt
• No pain no gain
• Builds critical
relationships
It builds:
• Rapport
• Trust
• Loyalty
Shy
Schmoozer
Relationships
It’s not that I dislike many people. It’s just that I don’t like many people. Bryant Gumbel
Post hoc ergo propter hoc
80% experience shyness
around people that are
more important than we
are
Getting Over Shyness
• Make them come to you … Be the speaker
• Research the Group and individuals …
Google is your friend
• Bring a friend or a wingman or woman
• Have a few opening lines …
– What’s the coolest thing you’re working on right
now?
– How do you spend most of your time?
– How did you hear about the event?
– When there’s a common tie, such as alumni group:
What year did you graduate/what house or dorm
did you live in?
Six Ways NOT to Shake Hands
A handshake that is wet with sweat
A handshake with no real grip
Creeeepy
Yucky
A handshake that pinches the fingers
Ouch!
A handshake the goes longer than three shakes
You like me way too much! A handshake without eye contact and a quick exit
Awkward …
The Handshake that is bone-breaking!
Ahhnold! I’ll be bak!
Male
Female
Peer
Boss
Future Boss
A bad handshake can delay rapport for a hourWash your hands frequently if you shake hands
Reading
People is
Challenging
Do you have a Sense of
Humor?
Sources
• Reader’s Digest
• Sirius Radio
• TV
• Daily Life
• HalfPrice Books Clearance
• Dilbert
• Bizarro
• Non Sequitur
• Real Life
• Websites
The world is full of Safety Professionals that are terminally serious. It is
aggravating the rest of us. If you didn’t chuckle at that, it’s probably you!
Other Questions to Ask(Without talking about the weather)
What was the most …
• Awkward
• Interesting
• Bizarre
• Interesting problem you
solved
What was ..
• Weirdest thing that
happened to you
• Your favorite
Who is ..
• The most interesting
person you’ve met?
Why?What was ..
• Weirdest thing that has
happened to you
• Your favorite …
Should not the Society of Indexers be known as “Indexers, Society of, The”?
Jedi Mind Tricks – Flirting(The Power of Suggestion)
Males
• Sincere
– Self disclosure –
transparent
– Attentive
– Less fidgety
Females
• Laugh and smile
• Coy gaze
– Bashful
– Shy
– reserve
“These are not the droids you are looking for.”
Subtle is the key – Obvious has the
opposite affect
… Leaning …
Are Lower Voices Better?
Lower Voices Preferred
(True for both Male and Female)
• Stronger
• Greater physical prowess
• More competent
• Have greater integrity
• Older and wiser
The difficulty with quotes on the Internet is verifying them. Abraham Lincoln
To Touch or Not to Touch1,368 men and women were asked to color in areas of the body
where touching from a particular type of person was OK
Hands
Arms
Shoulders
Below the knee
Private areas
Women … Can’t live with ‘em … pass the beer nuts. Norm Peterson, Cheers
Big Ideas
• Don’t save them for the big
meeting
• Share at informal gatherings
(elevator speech)
• Get consensus
• Get the word out
• Say “we” not “me”
I don’t think there’s anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers - I mean
Chargers. Bill Belicheck
Dining
Where is the
Power Position?
We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees. Jason Kidd
Cautions When Schmoozing
The organizational hierarchy
is still in place
Always remember the
organizational context
Connect up the ladder 2-3-4
Superior Words for Schmoozers
Acerebral Without a brain
That presentation was acerebral, don’t you think?
Anabiosis Revival after death
I’m still in anabiosis after that acceptance speech
Coxcomb A conceited fool
He/she was such a real coxcomb (say it with a smile)
Ephemeral Short-lived, lasting but a day
That speech will have such an ephemeral impact on my career
Macrology Long tiresome talk
I’d like you to meet one of our leading macrologists
Sciolism Superficial knowledge
As always I bow to your superior sciolism
Zzxjoanw Maori drum
Bonus word for all you Scrabble players
Following Up
• Ask to connect
• Read their profile
• Keep in touch
• Don’t follow up too
soon after connecting
• Send them information
“occasionally”
• Look for common
attributes
Interdependence is a higher value than independence. Stephen Covey
Conclusions
• Stretch yourself … don’t be shy
• Handshakes … think about it
• Have a sense of humor
• Touching is okay when done appropriately
• Ask non-standard questions
• Listen … let them talk
• Elevator speech … don’t be a bore
• Don’t spend too much time with one person
The Father of the Nuclear Navy
You have to learn from the mistakes of others.
Adm. Hyman Rickover (1900-1986)
Navy Distinguished Service Medal, Legion of Merit,
Congressional Gold Medal, Presidential Medal of Freedom,
Enrico Fermi Award
You won’t live long
enough to make them all
yourself.
Father of Modern Day
Normalization of Deviance