The Loafer Dec. 17, 2013

, The Loafer • December 17, 2013

www.theloaferonline.com December 17, 2013 • The Loafer,

Volume 28Issue #2

www.theloaferonline.com • [email protected]: [email protected] (editorial)


A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clark Moore ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds,While visions of sugar-‐plums danced in their heads; And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-‐fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-‐day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack. His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-‐night.”

A Visit from St. Nicholas


Christmas Bellsby Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I heard the bells on Christmas DayTheir old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come, The belfries of all Christendom Had rolled along The unbroken song Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way, The world revolved from night to day, A voice, a chime, A chant sublime Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth The cannon thundered in the South, And with the sound The carols drowned Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent The hearth-‐stones of a continent, And made forlorn The households born Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head; “There is no peace on earth,” I said; “For hate is strong, And mocks the song Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men!”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: “God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; The Wrong shall fail, The Right prevail, With peace on earth, good-‐will to men.”


Kingsport Theatre Guild proudly presents The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson December 19th-‐22nd 2013 at the

beautiful Renaissance Theatre in Kingsport. In this hilarious Christmas classic, a couple struggling to put on a church Christmas pageant is faced with casting the Herdman Kids– probably the most inventively awful kids in history. You won’t believe the mayhem – and the fun – when the Herdmans collide with the Christmas story head on! Make this part of your Christmas celebrations for the whole family. Special group rates available to school groups.Performances: December 19th-‐

22nd Tickets are $12.00School Performances offered

December 19th and 20thDec 19th at 10am (School Group

Rates Offered)Dec 19th at 7pmDec 20th at 10am (School Group

Rates Offered)Dec 20th at 7pmDec 21st at 2pmDec 21st at 7pmDec 22nd at 2pm Visit http://kingsporttheatre.

org/ for more information and to

purchase tickets in advanced or call (423) 392-‐8427Serving the Region since 1947,

the Kingsport Theatre Guild, INC. is one of the oldest community theatres in the state, in continuous operation since 1947. J. Fred Johnson, one of Kingsport city founders, may have been the

He appeared in a 1920 theatrical production titled “Everybody’s

future public library. It wasn’t until

community theater was formed and Kingsport Theatre Guild

“Yes and No.” Through the years, the Kingsport Theatre Guild has performed in a variety of venues, including a barn on a Eden’s Ridge, School auditorium, Church Fellowship halls, a community center on Sullivan Street, a Fine Arts Center on Church Circle, and, currently, at the Renaissance Arts Center. In 1992, KTG expanded its Board of Directors to include more community representatives,

person. Since that time much has been accomplished. Growing

support from local businesses and individuals have enabled the Kingsport Theatre Guild to offer a year-‐round schedule of musicals, dramas, comedies and thrillers, as

well as children’s theatre produced

school groups. For an arts organization to exist for more than 50 years requires the vision, commitment and determination of many people. The Kingsport Theatre Guild appreciates the business and individuals who support Community Theater through sponsorship, membership, volunteerism, or by the attendance of their productions.

& Engage KingsportCity of Kingsport Mission: To

provide economic, educational and quality of life opportunities that create a safe, vibrant and diverse Community.

of the City of Kingsport, connects, coordinates and engages the public with a creative community. It operates a public art program, concert and theatrical events, the Kingsport Carousel Project, the Carousel Fine Craft Show and a broad range of support to the area’s arts organizations. They work in tandem with Engage Kingsport, Inc., the “Friends of the Cultural Arts” group, a private, volunteer-‐

organization.

of Cultural Arts and Engage Kingsport’s goals are to collaborate with a variety of arts organizations as well as non-‐arts organizations, with the aim of increasing opportunities and outlets for artists of all types. As Kingsport becomes a destination for artists and art enthusiasts, new markets and

Cultural Arts and Engage Kingsport are dedicated to cultivating cultural assets and promoting them as vehicles for economic and community development.For more information contact

Cultural Arts at (423) 392-‐8414 or log on to www.EngageKingsport.com

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Kingsport Renaissance TheatreDecember 19th-22nd


A special holiday book signing will be held at the Col. J.F. Toney Memorial Library in Erwin for

Railroad book.Authors A.J. “Alf” Peoples and

Mark A. Stevens will sign copies of their new book, “The One & Only: A

No. 1,” Friday, Dec. 20, from 4:30-‐

5:45 p.m. at Unicoi County’s public library, which, appropriately, is housed in the former and historic

The book is a 148-‐page, hardcover book that includes hundreds of photos of the famed

days with the Ohio River & Charleston and the Black Mountain

railroads to her celebrated days with Erwin-‐

Railroad. Many of the photos had never been published before, and photos were donated for use in the book from all areas of the United States, including extraordinary, and

previously unseen, photos from

excursion to Tampa, Fla.After spending 13 years from

1955 until 1968 of non-‐use in the

No. 1, originally constructed in 1882, had lost her shine. In fact, by 1968, she had begun to rust and rot away, but T.D. Moore, the

found the 10-‐wheeler his second

day on the job. He asked if she could be rebuilt, and a team of

workers (many pictured in the book) remade the engine between September and November 1968.The book chronicles the No. 1’s

transformation from tarnished workhorse into a shiny, beautiful engine that would be used to pull excursions from Erwin throughout the South until 1979, when she

was retired to the B&O Railroad Museum in Baltimore, Md.“The One & Only” has garnered

national media attention and has been featured on dozens of websites and TV programs and in newspapers and magazines around the United States, including the Washington Post, the Asheville (N.C.) Citizen-‐Times and the Knoxville News-‐Sentinel.The authors have special ties to

Erwin. Peoples is an Erwin native

was working aboard one of the

He is a third-‐generation railroader and works as an engineer for CSX today. Stevens is a former publisher of The Erwin Record, working there from 1997 until 2011.The library is located at 201

Nolichucky Ave. in Erwin. For more information on the signing, call the library at 423-‐743-‐6533.The book is $29.95, plus tax. For

those who can’t attend the book signing but would like a copy of the book, it is available through amazon.com or by calling Star Publishing at 423-‐542-‐4151.

Book Signing At Erwin Library For Clinch!eld

No. 1 AuthorsDecember 20th


“Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” Thus begins the classic Christmas poem that has become a seasonal staple for children around the world since the 1800s. This holiday season, families can see the story brought to life by the Barter Players in a magical new musical version, presented December 3 – 21 on the Barter main stage.It’s Christmas Eve, 1823, and

it looks like the holidays will not be so happy for Clem Moore, a hardworking newspaper writer. There’s no money to pay for his ill wife’s medical treatments or

even pay his rent, let alone give his family presents, and he has been given an impossible assignment – to write the best Santa Claus story ever written. Just when things are looking far from merry and bright for Clem, “out on the lawn there arose such a clatter” and what follows is a night of magic that not only changes his life forever, but also how the whole world celebrates Christmas. See the Barter Players present the wonder of that fateful night onstage as only they can.“Twas the Night Before

Christmas” is a collaboration between Barter Playwright-‐in-‐Residence Catherine Bush

and composer Mandy Williams, based on the poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Clement Clark Moore. Earlier this season, the pair of audience favorites worked together on the Barter Players’ production of “Mother Goose: The Musical,” and they have previously partnered to bring the Christmas stories “Rudolph” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” to the stage.“‘Twas the Night Before

Christmas” is sponsored by Dr. Timothy E. Collins Pediatric Dentistry. The Barter Players are sponsored by Alpha Natural Resources and Blue Ridge Public Television.For even more classic Christmas

cheer, don’t forget to also see “A Christmas Story,” also playing at Barter Theatre through December 29, which is appropriate for all ages 5 and older.

more information on The Barter Players and Barter Theatre’s holiday season performances, visit BarterTheatre.com or call (276) 628-‐3991.Photo: Sean Michael Flattery and

Terrance Jackson

‘Twas the Night Before ChristmasThe Barter Players at

Barter TheatreThrough December 21st


Saturday, December 21st, 2013, at 7:30 p.m. the Carter Family Fold in Hiltons, Virginia, will present a special Christmas program. In lieu of admission, please bring a donation of canned goods for the local food bank (suggested amount $8 per person). Those not bringing a canned goods donation are asked to make a donation of $8 for adults with all proceeds going to the Food Bank. Anyone under 12 will be admitted free of charge. Those

foods, two-‐liter drinks, and cups, plates, or napkins. Christmas music will be performed as refreshments are served. Afterwards, we’ll have music by the Town Branch Bluegrass Band. Musicians donate their time for this special Christmas show. The Fold’s toy drive for needy children will also continue to the 21st. If you would like to contribute, please bring an unwrapped toy. As long as bluegrass music

has echoed through the hills and valleys of the Appalachian region, musicians of all ages have gathered together to play and preserve their favorite style of music. Town Branch Bluegrass Band showcases the traditional songs of yesterday, along with the driving sound of a modern style. The group began doing back porch picking and performing at local events nearly

seven years ago, and they’re now one of the region’s hottest new bands. The Town Branch Bluegrass Band features Brandon Elkins on banjo, Bill Newman on mandolin, Peggy Ely on bass, Shirley Smith on vocals, and Jack and Wayne Bonham on guitar and vocals. For further information on the band, go to http://townbranchbluegrass.com/.Come out and join us at the

Carter Family Fold for a special Appalachian Mountain Christmas celebration. It’s a great opportunity to hear some of the best music our region has to offer and to support a good cause at the same time. This year, more people than ever need assistance from our nation’s food banks. Many of them simply don’t have enough resources to help everyone in need. Help us make this a record year for the amount of canned goods donated. The A.P. Carter birthplace cabin will be specially decorated in the mountain Christmas tradition – including hand-‐strung popcorn garland. Spending time with us during our Christmas celebration will take

you back to a time when the true meaning of the season wasn’t lost in the commercial frenzy of modern-‐day Christmas. Carter Family Memorial Music

rural arts organization established to preserve traditional, acoustic, mountain music. For further information on the center, go to http://www.carterfamilyfold.org. Shows from the Carter Family Fold can be accessed on the internet at http://www.carterfoldshow.com. Carter Music Center is part of the Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail. You can visit the Crooked Road Music Trail site at http://thecrookedroad.org. Partial funding for programs at the center is provided by the Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts. For recorded information on shows coming up at the Fold, call 276-‐386-‐6054. The Fold is on Facebook – page Carter Fold – and Twitter – Twitter @carterfoldinfo. To speak to a Fold staff member, call 276-‐594-‐0676.

Carter Family Fold Christmas Program

December 21st


For 45 years Rex Ward has been delighting citizens of the Tri-‐Cities with beautiful music. For this Christmas season Ward is leading a Christmas Sing-‐a-‐Long at Broadmore Senior Living that will put you in the Holiday spirit a week before families celebrate Christmas. The event is scheduled for Thursday, December 19 at 3:30pm at Broadmore, located adjacent to Bristol Regional Medical Center.

Holston Valley High graduate Rex Ward holds a bachelors of Arts degree from Temple University, Theology Masters from Ridgedale Theological Seminary, and a

Psychology. He is a member of the American Guild of Organists, the American Theater Organ Society, and also serves as the societies Chaplain. Ward’s love for people and music includes ministry, counseling, chaplaincy, and music therapy for Lakeshore Mental Health.Most notably Rex Ward has been

the Paramount Center’s organist for seventeen years, and previously was Eastman Center organist for

and presidential visits. He has played at many well-‐known venues, including, the Tennessee, Tivoli, Atlanta Fox, Tampa, and others yet highly favors the Paramount Center and the wonderfully special people of Bristol and Tri-‐ Cities.The Christmas Sing-‐a-‐Long is

sponsored by Oakley-‐Cook Funeral Home and Crematory of Bristol. Oakley-‐Cook is also sponsoring their annual presentation of the classic movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” at the Paramount Center on Sunday, December 22 at 2:00pm. Admission is free; however, tickets are required and may be picked up

Ward will provide Christmas music on the Mighty Wurlitzer, beginning at 1:00pm. Refreshments will be served following the show.The Christmas Sing-‐a-‐Long at

Broadmore Senior Living is free to the public. For details on this or other events at Broadmore, contact Tim Buchanan, 423-‐764-‐4622 or by e-‐mail info@broadmore-‐bristol.com. Broadmore is located at 826 Meadowview Road, Bristol Tennessee, adjacent to the Bristol Regional Medical Center.

Christmas Sing-a-Long with Rex Ward

BroadmoreDecember 19th


The Museum of Appalachia continues the tradition of families and friends gathering around the table to celebrate the simple joys of the season with the 2nd Annual Christmas Gathering: A Bountiful Southern Feast. On Sunday, December

15, 2013 a large buffet of authentic Southern Christmas fare will be served from 11:30 am to 2:00 pm. Included in the buffet will be some of the dishes the Museum does best, chicken and

dumplings, sweet potato casserole, deviled eggs, iron skillet cornbread, and savory desserts. While dining in the Museum’s Heritage Hall,

enjoying local, talented musicians playing songs of the Christmas season. Visitors are welcomed to tour

Christmas in Old Appalachia before or after the Bountiful Southern Feast. During the day, special historical demonstrations will be taking place throughout the Village, including blacksmithing, sawmilling, weaving and sassafras tea brewing. The Anderson County chapter of the Sons of the Revolution will tell wintertime war stories around the encampment near the McClung Cabin.Seating for this family friendly

event is limited; purchase tickets by December 9 to secure reservations. A self-‐guided tour of Christmas in Old Appalachia is included with each ticket. There are special offerings for this event for Museum Members.

Browse the hand-‐made gifts and regional books in the Shop at the Museum of Appalachia for unique Christmas gifts. Enjoy hot, southern country-‐style lunches, served daily from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the Museum restaurant. Home-‐made cakes, pies, cookies, and other holiday treats are available all day or can be made special to order for Christmas gatherings.For those seeking that perfect

gift and a way to support the Museum, memberships to the Museum are available, providing a year of unlimited Museum visits, discounts on special events, and

December hours are 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily (9 a.m.-‐3 p.m. on Christmas Eve and closed Christmas Day). The Museum, a

16 miles north of Knoxville, one mile east of I-‐75, exit 122. For more information, call 865-‐494-‐7680, or visit the web site at www.museumofappalachia.org.

Museum of Appalachia: Christmas Gathering: A

Bountiful Southern FeastDecember 15th


Give something that means something and offer hope December 2013 — The holidays

bring families and friends together to share in celebrations and special times of giving. But for families dealing with a cancer diagnosis or other major illness, the holidays

The American Red Cross’ Give

Something that Means Something winter campaign runs through Jan. 6, 2014, and encourages eligible donors to give something meaningful this holiday season by donating blood or platelets for hospital patients in need. Tuesday, December 17 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset

Drive, Johnson City, 2:30 pm to 7:00 pm

Northeast Correctional Complex, Highway 67 East, Mountain City, 11:00 am to 3:30 pm, Call Kathy Poole at (423) 727-‐7387 Extension 1178. Wednesday, December 18 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset

Drive, Johnson City, 8:00 am to 1:00 pm Saturday, December 21 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset

Drive, Johnson City, 8:30 am to 5:30 pm, In Memory of Brittany Jo Hankal.Tuesday, December 24 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset

Drive, Johnson City, 8:30 am to 1:00

pm Monday, December 30 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset

Drive, Johnson City, 12:00 pm to 7:00 pm Tuesday, December 31 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset

Drive, Johnson City, 12:00 pm to 4:30 pm How to donate bloodSimply call 1-‐800-‐RED

CROSS (1-‐800-‐733-‐2767) or visit redcrossblood.org to make an appointment or for more information. All blood types are needed to ensure a reliable supply for patients. A blood donor card or driver’s license or two

required at check-‐in. Individuals who are 17 years of age (16 with parental consent in some states), weigh at least 110 pounds and are in generally good health may be eligible to donate blood. High school students and other donors 18 years of age and younger also have to meet certain height and weight requirements.About the American Red CrossThe American Red Cross shelters,

feeds and provides emotional support to victims of disasters; supplies about 40 percent of the nation’s blood; teaches skills that save lives; provides international humanitarian aid; and supports military members and their families. The Red Cross is a not-‐for-‐

on volunteers and the generosity of the American public to perform its mission. For more information, please visit redcross.org or visit us on Twitter at @RedCross.

Red Cross Urges Winter Blood Donations


John Hardy will be featured in a new one-‐man adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol on Saturday, December 21 and Sunday, December 22 at 3:00 pm each day at the Abingdon Senior Center. Hardy plays forty characters in the production.The performances are

free of charge and are sponsored by the Friends of the Washington County Library as a holiday gift to the community. “It is a loyal adaptation

of the book”, says Hardy. “A Christmas Carol is one of the best known stories in the world and I wanted to retain, as much as possible, the essence of the book in its original form.” The play follows the book, scene by scene. “Even though it is the same story as the book, the experience of actually watching an actor live through the events of a play is vastly different than simply hearing the story or reading the book. I get entirely caught up in the story as I am doing the play, and the audience goes right along with me.”

play until the last, Hardy never leaves the stage and he never changes costumes. How then, does he manage to portray over forty characters? Hardy says, “Well,

by variations in accents and speech patterns as well as physical traits. Most of the time, when acting in a

of creating one character, and that is

job, to say the least. That challenge is also the reason this production is a unique event. Even if an audience member has seen a previous production of A Christmas Carol, they have not seen it done like this.”In working on A Christmas Carol,

Hardy found that the story had much more to offer than he originally believed: “I was surprised at how funny it was. Dickens has taken this serious subject and somehow made it funny. It is a celebration of the spirit of Christmas. That is the best word that I can think of in describing this piece: Celebration; it is a celebration.” Hardy has a special relationship

with this story. “When I was living in New York City in the early 1980s, I was cast in an Off-‐Broadway production of A Christmas Carol. It

York. Since then I have been in four different productions of A Christmas Carol so it is a special story for me, one that seems to follow me through my career. I suppose that is why I wanted to return to it by doing my own adaptation and taking on the seemingly impossible task of doing it as a one-‐man play.”In December, 2012, John

performed A Christmas Carol to sold-‐out houses at the Duke City Repertory Theatre in Albuquerque, NM. “We had to add performances. The word of mouth spread like

it two and three times. I knew it was an excellent production but it was exhilarating to see

it so well received.” THE ALBUQUERQUE JOURNAL wrote: “John Hardy’s one-‐man version of A Christmas Carol... a stunning work of theatrical virtuosity. Run to see this; take the whole family. You will

brings the story to life.... I’ve seen this story many times but never like this... it will be as if you

time”.Hardy has had a thirty

professional theatre, primarily at the Barter Theatre. He has worked all over the country and overseas. Over the course of his career John has directed over one hundred professional productions including Macbeth, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Romeo and Juliet, Henry V, Julius Caesar, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Oedipus the King, Man of La Mancha, The Taming of the Shrew and others.As an actor Hardy has played

many great roles including

in The Glass Menagerie, Teach in American Buffalo and many others. In 2009 he played George in a national tour of Of Mice and Men. As a playwright he has had

plays produced across the country and overseas. He is currently the Associate Artist at Barter Theatre. A Christmas Carol runs

minutes and is performed in one act. It is appropriate for audiences of any age but is best suited for ages ten and above. It will be free of charge, but donations will be accepted. There will be a holiday reception following the performance.

John Hardy Performs One-Man Adaptation of A

Christmas CarolAbingdon Senior Center

December 21 & 22


On Tuesday, December 17th (inclement weather date is Thursday, December 19th) at 6:30 PM, Journey’s End will again take place in Historic Downtown Bristol! Starting at the Downtown Center and ending in Cumberland Square Park, Journey’s End is Bristol’s local interpretation of the Latino tradition of Las Posadas (The Inns). Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem is recreated as they go from inn to inn seeking lodging and

celebrates their arrival.How does Bristol Celebrate

Journey’s End?Our inns are several downtown

businesses and our innkeepers are various choirs and choral groups from the Bristol area. We will begin at the Downtown Center then process by candlelight with Mary and Joseph singing the traditional songs and various carols accompanied by instrumentalists.This year Mary will be played

by Clair Morison and Joseph will be Adam Gambrell. Along the way choirs from Redeemer Lutheran Church will be at Shanghai; Emmanuel Episcopal Church at Benjamin Walls Gallery; First Presbyterian Church at 620 State Street Restaurant; State Street United Methodist Church at KP Duty; and Central Presbyterian

will be at the stage in Cumberland Square Park with a live nativity scene and handbells by Central Presbyterian Church. A special thank you to Southeast

Culinary & Hospitality College

for providing gingerbread and hot cider, Bristol TN Department of Community Relations for providing the song books at the Downtown Center, David Little and Dr. Fred Gent for the use of the live animals, Bob Greene and Robert Campbell for heading up our processional and working with Joseph & Mary, Robert Hollo and Pete Buhls for working with the strolling musicians, the Ladies of the Evening of Emmanuel Episcopal Church for the assortment of wonderful cookies, and primary event sponsor for the evening is Burke, Powers & Harty for providing the star ornaments, luminaries and helping hands.Journey’s End lasts a little more

than an hour. Restaurants will be taking dinner reservations and several of the downtown shops will be open. Come and celebrate Christmas in the heart of our community!Please visit www.believeinbristol.

org or call 276-‐644-‐9700 for more information.

Journey’s EndHistoric Downtown Bristol

December 17th


The Historic Jonesborough Dance Society and the Jolly Ole Elf will hold a dance extravaganza on Saturday December 21, 2013 at the Jonesborough Visitors Center, 117 Boone Street at 7:00pm featuring the Asheville band “Boom Chuck” with Vicki Herndon calling the dance. Admission is $7, $5 for HJDS members and $5 for full time students. A class for newcomer contra dances will run from 7:00-‐7:30pm. The dance will go from 7:30-‐10:30pm. Dancers are invited to bring their favorite holiday desserts for the 9:00pm intermission.

The evening will start with a family dance from 5:00-‐6:00pm where parents and children will enjoy simple and fun dances while members of Boom Chuck play tunes and Laurie Fisher leads the dance.Dancers are invited to waltz

from 6:00-‐7:00pm to Boom Chuck tunes. “We do country dance waltz compared to ballroom style waltz” offers David Wiley, event organizer. When people say “I can’t waltz”, they’re probably thinking back to their ballroom dancing days. But a ballroom waltz is quite a different animal from a country dance waltz.

For one thing, it’s a lot slower. For another, you spend almost the whole time in ballroom position. But the crucial difference is that a ballroom waltz is made up of three steps. The man steps forward, putting his right leg between his partner’s legs, then he takes his left leg forward and to the side, then he closes right to left. In the next bar

he steps backward on his left, and it’s the lady’s turn to step forward on the right.The folk waltz is quite different;

it’s sometimes described as a “one-‐step waltz”. You still do three steps: right, left, right — but the second and third are pretty much on the

most of the travelling. It really isn’t forward-‐side-‐together; it’s step-‐two-‐three, step-‐two-‐three. If you

let the other two just happen, you’ll

Turn your shoulders and your feet will follow — it sounds silly, but it’s absolutely true. HJDS is planning a series of waltz workshops in the next few months to teach country waltz.The contra dance will include

several historic dances that have a Christmas theme including “Holiday Jig” by Ted Sanella, “Christmas Eve Quadrille” by Tom Hinds and “Christmas Hornpipe” by Ralph Page. Boom Chuck also has adapted several Christmas Carols for contra dance.Vicki Herndon has been a dancer

since 1997, when she accidentally came across contra dancing, and

has been a dance lover since. She began calling in 2000, and have called all around the southeast.

dances with kids are all part of the diversity she represents, and loves.Vicki is very active part of the

Chattanooga dance community. “Keeping my home group growing and strong has become very important to me over the years. Welcoming newcomers, and giving

Dancers must have this to return to your dance and thrive” offers Ms. Herndon.Being a dance gypsy has led Vicki

to be a familiar face at many dance weekends along with her husband, Steve, where her enthusiasm as a caller is just as evident as when she is dancing. “There’s not much more than I love to do . . . dance and call”, she adds.For more information

on Saturday’s dance or any upcoming events, please call David Wiley at 423-‐534-‐ 8879 or visit www.historicjonesborough dancesociety.org. Or Historic Jonesborough Dance Society on FACEBOOK.

Dance ExtravaganzaJonesborough Visitors Center

December 21st


An East Tennessee State University faculty member has had a once-‐in-‐a-‐lifetime opportunity to play a role in preserving the valuable history of one of bluegrass and old-‐time music’s biggest legends, the late Doc Watson.Roy Andrade, an assistant professor of

Bluegrass, Old Time and Country Music Studies in ETSU’s Department of Appalachian Studies, produced and co-‐annotated a four-‐CD bookset, “Milestones: Legends of the Doc Watson Clan.” Created by Watson’s daughter, Nancy Watson, this set contains 94 previously unreleased songs and stories by Doc Watson and other family members, as well as 60 collages containing more than 500 Watson family photos.“‘Milestones’ is the Watson family musical

story in music and in photograph, created from within the Watson family,” Andrade explained. “To the best of my knowledge, this

a collection of a musical family created by the family (members) themselves.“‘Milestones’ is a teenage Nancy Watson

recording her grandfather and her aunts and uncles. It’s Doc Watson recording his wife Rosa Lee in the ’60s. It’s Rosa Lee Watson recording her daughter Nancy. It’s all within the family. Doc Watson is the focus here, but

there are more than 30 other members of the Watson clan whose music is presented here, as well.”The project actually got its start in the late

1960s when Nancy Watson responded to an ad placed in a newspaper by Dr. Thomas Burton and the late Ambrose Manning, who were professors of English at ETSU at that time. As part of their research, they were collecting folklore, ballads, music, superstitions and beliefs, folk remedies and accounts of everyday life from individuals in Western North Carolina and East Tennessee, and grant funding allowed them to purchase tape recorders that could be checked out by the public and used to record such accounts. The resulting Burton-‐Manning Collection is now housed in the Archives of Appalachia, part of the Center for Appalachian Studies and Services at ETSU.“Nancy Watson saw the ad and thought,

‘Well, I’ve got a lot of music in my family,’” Andrade said. “So she came here to Johnson City and picked up a tape recorder from Dr. Burton and Mr. Manning, and went back home and started recording her family. And I’d say that 20 percent of what’s here in ‘Milestones’ came from those recordings, so there’s a strong connection to ETSU in ‘Milestones.’”

‘Living Room Anthology’ of Doc Watson Family MusicProduced by ETSU Faculty

Member Roy Andrade

Continued on page 17


Around three decades later – in 1999 – Nancy Watson called the Archives of Appalachia to inquire whether her interviews with her father could be transcribed. Andrade, a longtime fan and old-‐time musician himself, was thrilled to accept that task, and, after he delivered the completed transcripts, an appreciative Nancy Watson gave him tickets to Merlefest, an annual music festival in Wilkesboro, N.C., established in memory of her brother, Merle Watson.The two became friends, and in

2000, Andrade contacted Nancy Watson to ask if he could gather and release some of the music of her grandfather, Gaither Carlton. She asked him to wait while she worked on “a project,” after which they could talk about it. Ten years later, Andrade received

a call from Nancy Watson, who had remembered her promise and wanted to let him know she had completed her project. However, his initial idea of releasing her grandfather’s music was put on hold once he learned the essence of her mysterious project and got involved with it himself, ultimately helping to raise the money needed to put it together and see it to completion.In addition to the material from

the Burton-‐Manning Collection, the music and stories in “Milestones” came from Doc Watson’s personal reel-‐to-‐reel tape collection that his daughter found out in the shed, in Tupperware containers, on shelves, in drawers, and in the nightstands.

“Milestones” is in book form, with four CDs and book sections entitled “Origins,” “The Early Years,” “Changes” and “Revival.” For each song and interview track,

of the vocalists and musicians are given, along with liner notes by Andrade.“The liner notes are written

from many conversations over probably a couple hundred hours I spent with Doc, at his home, talking to him about the music,” Andrade said. “Rather than being academic, they are anecdotal.“Doc didn’t like to be

interviewed. I didn’t ask to interview him. Instead, I said, ‘Doc, I’m gonna bring my banjo. Can we pick some?’ And so, we’d play a bit, and I’d always have a short list in my back pocket of the songs I wanted to know about on that trip.“When it felt like an appropriate

time,” Andrade continued, “I would say, ‘Doc, that camp meeting song – tell me about that. Did you make that up?’ He’d say, ‘Oh, no!’ and then he’d get going.”In addition to “Old Camp Meeting

Time,” the collection includes “When Shall I See Jesus,” sung by Doc, his brother, Arnold, and their mother, Annie, from 1964; “You Are My Sunshine,” sung by Doc and Rosa Lee in 1964; “The Churning Song,” sung by Annie from 1969; some one-‐man band numbers performed by Doc; recollections by Doc, Rosa Lee and Merle on how Merle learned to play guitar; and more. It even has 13 numbers featuring

Doc Watson on the electric guitar, such as “Stardust,” “Somebody

Stole My Gal” and “Cimarron.” Most of those recordings date back to the days before Watson became a celebrated old-‐time picker, when he supported his family by playing jazz music in Johnson City with fellow musicians Jack Williams and Frog Greene.Accompanying Andrade’s liner

notes are the photo collages Nancy

Watson created using construction paper, glue, glitter, scissors, tape and other crafting materials.“It took about two weeks to

make each of the photo collages,” Andrade said. “There are amazing detail and an incredible amount of time, and love, and care that have gone into this.“I’ve heard it called a ‘living room

anthology.’ I think that describes it well.”“Milestones: Legends of the Doc

Watson Clan” may be purchased online from Open Records at http://www.docwatsonmilestones.com/openRecordsStore.html.

Continued from page 16


The Arts Array Film Series presented by Virginia Highlands Community College starts the

at the Abingdon Cinemall on Mondays and Tuesdays at 4 p.m. and again at 7:30 pm. “The series highlights foreign

movie-‐goers might not have access to in large theatre chains,” said series Coordinator Tommy Bryant. “We want to continue to provide for the needs of the community.”The year’s schedule is as follows:

“Parkland” (January 13 and 14)

The true events surrounding the assassination of President John F. Kennedy are brought to light

a wonderful ensemble cast of talented actors.

“Salinger” (January 20 and 21)Iconic American writer J.D.

Salinger’s work was profound and had profound impact on those who read it, including murderers Robert John Bardo and Mark David Chapman.

“Romeo and Juliet” (January 27 and 28)William Shakespeare’s tale of

love and tragedy is brought to life

in this adaptation, featuring young stars Douglas Booth and Hailee Steinfeld as Romeo and Juliet.

“Fruitvale Station” (February 3 and 4)22-‐year-‐old Oscar Grant, a Bay

area resident, is murdered by a

Several onlookers used cell phones to capture the event.

“As I Lay Dying” (February 10 and 11)Director and co-‐writer James

Franco stars in this adaptation of William Faulkner’s novel about the Bundren family and the death of their matriarch.

“Last Love” (February 17 and 18)Two-‐time Oscar winner Michael

Caine stars as a cynical man who sees no future for himself, until he meets the free-‐spirited Pauline.

“Out of the Furnace” (February 24 and 25)Christian Bale and Casey

wrestling with crime, poverty, and the ruthless crime rings in their economically-‐depressed town.

“Dallas Buyers Club” (March 3 and 4)Matthew McConaughey takes

on his most challenging role in this true story of Ron Woodroof and his attempts to secure medicine that might prolong his life.

“The Artist and the Model” (March 10 and 11)

Marc Cros, an elderly sculptor,

of a Spanish political refugee in this

“Haute Cuisine” (March 17 and 18)Hortense Laborie, celebrated

chef, is appointed personal cook for the President of the Republic; she thrives in her new position, despite the feelings of jealousy among the other chefs.

“Diana” (March 24 and 25)

of Diana, Princess of Wales, during

she found love in a very unlikely place.”

“American Hustle” (March 31 and April 1)

brilliant young con man who is forced to work for an FBI agent who places them both in the Jersey underworld of powerbrokers and

“Philomena” (April 7 and 8)

child she was forced to give up at birth, even though the church made her sign a contract that would not allow her to inquire about his whereabouts.

“One Chance” (April 14 and 15)The inspirational true story

of Paul Potts, shy shop assistant by day and amateur opera singer by night. Enthralling musical performances made this a must-‐see. The Arts Array Film Series is

part of the comprehensive cultural outreach program of Virginia Highlands Community College. The series is co-‐sponsored by the Abingdon Cinemall, the Southwest Virginia Higher Education Center, Emory& Henry College, Virginia Intermont College, and King University.

the faculties and students at the supporting institutions. Member s of the general community may attend for $7.75.For a brochure on the series or

more information, please contact Tommy Bryant at 276-‐739-‐2451 or email him at [email protected].

Arts Array Spring Films Begin with “Parkland”


Tuesday, December 17 6 pmJackson Holiday ProgramJackson Elementary School

Tuesday, December 17 6 pmWashington Holiday Program & PTA MeetingWashington Elementary School

Tuesday, December 17 7 pmRobinson Orchestra Holiday ConcertRobinson Middle School

Wednesday, December 18 All DayJohn Adams Choir Caroling TourVarious Locations

Wednesday, December 18 10 amInnovation Academy 7th Grade: A Christmas Carol

-‐ A Nod to the Mod Open Dress RehearsalInnovation Academy

Thursday, December 19 10:30 am—2 pmWashington Troupe Community TourVarious Locations

Thursday, December 19 6 pmInnovation Academy 6th Grade: “The Gallery Walk”Innovation Academy

Thursday, December 19 6 pmInnovation Academy 8th Grade: “Canstructing” the Industrial RevolutionInnovation Academy

Thursday, December 19 6:30 pmInnovation Academy 7th Grade: A Christmas Carol -‐

A Nod to the ModInnovation Academy

Thursday, December 19 7 pmSevier 7th & 8th Grade Music Department Holiday ConcertEastman Employee Center

Friday, December 20 All DayJohnson Related Arts Winter CelebrationJohnson Elementary School

Friday, December 20 8:30 amJohn Adams Winter Break Holiday Celebrations -‐ Adams Family ChristmasJohn Adams Elementary School

December 27-‐1/02 All DayD-‐B Band Performance: Tournament of RosesPasadena, CA

Kingsport City Schools Holiday Concerts and Program


WQUT’s 4th Annual Blues Christmas comes to Down Home in Johnson City on December 19 & 20 at 7:00 pm each night. This is a Marine Corps Toys for Tots event.Music on December 19 by The

Charlie & The Upsetters.Music on December 20 by

Samantha Gray & The Soul Providers and the Billy Crawford Band.Admission is $1 per person along

with a new, unwrapped toy for Toys for Tots.For information, call John

Patrick, WQUT Program Director at 423.467.2632

Nancy Hart will be at

Belk women’s store in The

Mall at Johnson City on

December 21, 2013 from 12

to 5 pm for a book signing.

Her book, A Prescription For

Dignity A Family’s Story Of

Struggle, Tragedy & Triumph,

is a true story of Nancy and

her family working to turn

tragedy into triumph with

her Patient Scrubs business.

Books will be available for

purchase. Stop by and meet

this remarkable author and

entrepreneur.

WQUT’s 4th Annual Blues Christmas

Local Author Book Signing at The Mall

at Johnson City


Memorial Park Community Center, 510 Bert St., will offer a “Special Day for Special Kids,” designed for children with physical and developmental disabilities and their families, on Saturday, Dec. 21. From 1-‐3

p.m., the entire family is invited for lunch, holiday-‐themed crafts and other surprises. Admission is just $1 per person. Call 434-‐5749 by Wednesday, Dec. 18 to register.

MPCC to Offer Special Day for Special Kids

Memorial Park Community Center, will offer a basketball clinic for ages 6-‐12 on Tuesday, Dec. 24 from 9 a.m.-‐4 p.m. Hands-‐on instruction in dribbling, passing, shooting, rebounding and defense will help participants improve their skills.

Participants are asked to bring basketball shoes, a sack lunch, and a water bottle. Cost is $10. Register in person at MPCC by Monday, Dec. 23.For more information, call 434-‐5749.

Memorial Park Community Center, will host Crazy Camp Day on Monday, Dec. 23 from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m. Head out to do your last-‐minute holiday shopping and drop off the kids for a unique camp featuring cool new sports, wild nature fun and crazy Christmas crafts.

Camp is open to ages 6-‐12, and fee is $10

40 participants. Everyone is asked to bring a sack lunch and snacks.Sign up online at www.myjcparks.org or

in person at MPCC. Please call 434-‐5749 for more information.

MPCC Hosting Christmas Eve Basketball Clinic

MPCC to Offer Crazy Camp Day


The Moon is a familiar sight this week as it waxes to a full phase, and December moonlight is always special when thinking of America’s conquests of our celestial neighbor in space. Apollo 8 and Apollo 17, the alpha

and omega of America’s Moon program, both took place in the month of December just four years apart. Apollo 8 will forever be

only mission goal, which was

achieved Christmas Eve 1968. And Apollo 17 was the last expedition to

landing Dec. 11, 1972. We stopped going to the Moon

not because we learned everything or because it was too risky. It was American politics and money that cancelled our Moon program, shattering a dream of a real

The politics of the time in the early 1970s included budget cuts to fund the President Lyndon B. Johnson’s Great Reform programs

of public aid and welfare. And the scars made by the cost in money and 40,000 lives during the Vietnam War also worked against NASA’s dreams of Moon bases. The cost of going to the Moon was $30 billion in 1970s dollars, which converts to more than $100 billion in 2013 dollars. Cost of Vietnam was around $120 billion in ‘70s money—well over $600 billion in today’s money. The Apollo 8 orbit

only mission was not only risky as an historic

Moon voyage, but it didn’t have the moon lander “LEM” attached as it wasn’t ready.Four years later, not

only had the “LEM” performed beyond limits as a lifeboat for rescuing the Apollo 13 crew, but it proved to be

lunar living. The Apollo program was built

upon the knowledge of human we could learn for certain from the Soviet Union’s very secretive space program during the Moon Race of

Apollo Moon Missions Started and Ended in December

Continued on page 23

The Apollo 8 Saturn V being rolled out to Pad 39A


the 1960s. There were three main elements

of the machines that took American

mankind that had been fantasized in literature and movies. First was the Moon rocket,

the three stage Saturn V, which

Enclosed in launch shrouds atop the 40 feet of the 365-‐foot rocket were the Lunar Excursion Module (LEM) and the Command Module with its service bay of electronics, oxygen, fuel and sometimes cameras. Once in Earth orbit the Command Module would attach to the LEM, and the pair would be rocketed to the Moon, a three-‐day, 240,000 mile one-‐way trip.The Apollo 8 mission of 1968

was a surprise and the closest thing NASA did as a “publicity stunt” to beat the Soviet Union to

7 was an earth-‐orbit shakedown of the Command Module—a success that resurrected the program from the ashes of the Apollo 1 launch

astronauts in January 1967.Boldly, NASA sent three

astronauts on a seven-‐day, round-‐trip that would include a day of 10 orbits around the Moon from just 80 miles high. The mission was a complete success, with astronauts reading from the Bible Book of Genesis at 8 pm Christmas Eve 1968 to a world television audience. Conversely, public apathy over

the Moon landings had a sparse part of the population actually

interested in the Apollo 17 mission. One of the most watched events was the mission liftoff from the Moon, broadcast live by the remote-‐controlled camera on the parked Lunar Rover. The amazing Lunar Rover of

as a trusty vehicle in a rugged landscape similar to the deserts of Southwest U.S.But of course it is the highly

trained men who went to the Moon and what they discovered that made the story of Apollo 8 and Apollo 17 real to the world. Apollo 8 had two veteran Gemini

mission together in the cramped spacecraft. Frank Borman, 85, was the commander, and Jim Lovell, 85, was the pilot. William Anders, 80, was the third member, a lunar pilot without a spaceship as there

voyage. Apollo 17 had commander

Gene Cernan, 79, twice a Gemini and one-‐time Moon voyager on the orbit-‐only Apollo 10 rehearsal for the real landing. His pilot was

geologist Harrison “Jack” Schmitt, 78. And orbiting for three days alone was Stu Rosa, deceased. At the end of their mission, America would total 24 astronaut trips to the Moon with 12 men walking the surface. Moonwalkers Cernan and John Young, 83, (Apollo 16) would also orbit together in Apollo 10, and Lovell would sling shot around his second visit on the fateful, near-‐fatal emergency of Apollo 13. President John F. Kennedy

famously challenged America to

go to the Moon before the end of the 1960s, but it is President Richard M. Nixon’s signature on all six commemorative plaques that are attached to a leg of each LEM still sitting on the lunar surface. It was President

Nixon’s desire to end Apollo Moon missions and put NASA’s budget into the Space Transpor ta t i on System, aka the Space Shuttle.Ironically, when

the US Congress approved the Space Shuttle program, the news was told to astronauts walking on the Moon during Apollo 16 in April 1972. The irony was moonwalker and mission commander John Young would

Columbia in April 1981—an event he described as more hair-‐raising than his Moon voyages. Apollos 18, 19 and 20 were

three missions that already had astronauts in training when they were cancelled in 1971. They were to escalate the geological science with better drills, lunar dynamite and many more pounds of moon rocks dust and core samples. And, these advanced expeditions—one proposed for a backside landing—

habitat structures that were semi-‐

underground, partially covered with insulating moon soil.Forty one years later, no humans

have returned to the Moon. But that day of lunar conquest will be

the Chinese.

now, as a moon vehicle called “Jade Rabbit” landed on the Moon on Saturday Dec. 14, and will rove the surface for maybe a year. China’s manned space program has already

2003, to a month in a space station the size of a school bus by two men and one lady “taikonauts” in 2013. Meanwhile America has

moon missions promised by one President and rescinded by

Mars, then changed again by the next President to an asteroid as a destination. And NASA is

launching the new, 4-‐person Orion spacecraft, which is essentially the Apollo Command Module on steroids. Even Russia is again eyeing the

Moon, as the partnership with America and 15 other nations during 12 years of occupation of the International Space Station might end in another 10 years.

the Moon? A safe bet is that it will not be the Stars and Stripes of America.

Continued from page 22Apollo 17 Challenger liftoff


Celestial events in the skies for the week of Dec. 17-‐23, 2013 as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette.

Winter Solstice was celebrated by civilizations centuries ago as the marking point for the end of night’s dominance over the daytime. The shortest day and longest night of the year occur, and from then on more daylight can mean a look forward to more pleasant days. But rough winter weather is ahead as our climate slowly changes. In the night sky, Venus

dominates the evening twilight, and Jupiter is brilliant in the east in early evening hours.

taking over the night.

Tues. Dec. 17Full Moon is early morning today at 4:28 am, called by Native Americans the Cold Moon or the Long Night Moon. Settlers called it the Moon Before Yule. The Moon begins the week in

the constellation Taurus the Bull, directly above Orion the Hunter.

Wed. Dec. 18The Sun enters the constellation Sagittarius the Archer, moving out of the snake handler,

Ophiuchus, where it’s been since Nov. 30th-‐-‐despite what astrology might say!

Thurs. Dec. 19On this 1972 date in space history, Apollo 17 and its three astronauts safely landed on

The Moon and Jupiter rise together tonight in the constellation Gemini the Twins. The

bright brother stars Castor, top, and Pollux, bottom, are to the left of the celestial pair. Jupiter will put on a show all Winter, and is an easy target in any telescope. You can see the globe as well as its four largest moons in even the cheapest telescope. In good telescopes

used by amateur astronomers, the detail of Jupiter’s clouds can be astounding.

Fri. Dec. 20On this 1978 date in space history, the Soviet Union landed their Venera 12 spacecraft on the planet Venus. It was crushed in an hour by the intense atmospheric pressure 90 times that of Earth, and probably later melted in the 900 F. heat. Photos showed a landscape of

Sat. Dec. 21Winter Solstice is at 12:11 pm, when the Sun reaches its lowest point in the southern

skies. Seen from the Tropic of Capricorn in the Southern Hemisphere, the Sun is directly

South America, and conversely, the days are the longest and nights the shortest of the year.

Sun. Dec. 22Orion the Hunter is now easy to see as it hurdles over the eastern horizon at dark and takes its dominant position in the southeast. A treasure trove of bright stars and deep sky

objects, the famous Orion Nebula can be seen in binoculars. Look at the three stars dangling like a knife from the three belt stars, and you’ll see the middle “star” is actually a fuzzy object. This is the

Great Nebula of Orion, a gaseous birthplace of stars 1,000 times the size of our Solar System.

Mon. Dec. 23The brightest star of the sky, Sirius, is now easy to see above the eastern horizon. It is in the constellation Canis Major, the Big Dog. Contrast it to nearby Jupiter to the far left, and you can see how much brighter the planet is compared to the brightest star.


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Christian Bale has always been one of my favorite actors, and when

in “The Fighter” it was overdue as far I was concerned.

“Empire of the Sun”, and you will see he had extraordinary acting abilities even as a child. Bale’s talents are again on display in the

and will be again in December in

“Out of the Furnace” features Bale as Russell Baze, who along with his brother Rodney (Casey

depressed Rust Belt area of

Pennsylvania. Both brothers have longed to leave their hometown, and Rodney did for awhile via the Armed Forces. Once he is home from his service

in Iraq, Rodney is struggling with

another line of work other than at the local steel mill where Russell works. In addition to dealing with

his brother’s uncertain future, Russell is forced to face the fact that the brothers father is dying. Meanwhile, Rodney has become so desperate for work, he becomes involved with a crime ring, that among other activities, stages

As if Rodney’s new occupation wasn’t causing enough problems, a tragic accident lands Russell in prison for a brief period of time,

hoping for his life to be calm. Unfortunately, New Jersey

backwoods hood Harlan DeGroat (Woody Harrelson), has an encounter with Rodney that sends

Russell on a path of vengeance. Director Scott Cooper (“Crazy

Heart”) keeps the proceedings gritty, and I felt as if I needed to wash my clothes when the movie had concluded. The actors, led by Bale, are

all in top form, and I was really

gave an unexpectedly powerful performance. Harrelson also

impressed with his take on a character that had no redeeming qualities. Bale, always impressive, again

knocks it out of the park with a performance packed with equal parts of vulnerability and strength. “Out of the Furnace” is a movie

that effectively conveys brotherly love through one brother seeking justice. (Rated R) B+

Out of the Furnace


Christmas at my aunt’s house in the country is always something of a risky proposition. Just getting there on a cold winter’s night can be scary. It’s about twenty minutes outside of the city, and you have to take these old, curvy, backroads that haven’t seen any maintenance since 1972. You load up the entire family into your weighted down SUV, and off you go over the river and through the woods. Praying the entire time that no crazy rednecks in big pick up trucks are driving in the center of the narrow roads that were not made for modern vehicles.Sometimes being on those small

winding roads makes me a little sick to my stomach. I can never predict when it’ll do that. If I drive it’s usually more under control. Sometimes people like to drive on small backroads at speeds that’d make you think a remake of Smokey and The Bandit was going on. I go slow on these roads, because I hate driving on a road at night that I don’t know all that well. Since I only go to my aunt’s a few times each year, I never feel all that prepared to handle the seemingly random layout of the road. It’s like playing Pac Man drunk. We reach my aunt’s house, and

pull into the gravel driveway that is hard and frozen, and barely has a hint of frost on it. We’re greeted warmly by my aunt, and the unloading of presents for the children in the family begins. The

greet us is my cousin Sandy. Sandy will hug you like a vice grip, burying your nose deep into her bosom long enough for you to just begin to feel light headed. Sandy lets go,

and you have to stand there for a moment and let yourself become reacquainted with reality. As oxygen returns to my brain,

I pick up a large pile of gifts and make my way inside. The children all rush around me, as their eyes

of a bundle of brightly wrapped packages in my arms. I do my best to not trip over them as I walk slowly towards the tree, and set the bundle down near it. Gifts settled

My aunt comes towards me, wiping her hands off on her apron as she does, then hugs me. Around eighty percent of the family is there by this point. The most notable exception is grandmother Debbie, but she’s usually late to everything. The smell of food is wafting

through the air, mixing with the various yule scented candles that my aunt has in almost every room. The kids don’t care about the food, they only care about tearing through wrapping paper with all their might. Once they greet me, my little cousin and his sister go into his room to play Super Mario Brothers on the Wii, they call me in and demand I join them. I give up after they “accidentally” knock me off into a lava pit for the fourth time, and I go into the kitchen.

at this point, everyone rushing around to get things done, as the clock ticks closer to six, the more anxious everyone is to get started. Feeling a little overwhelmed by all the activity in the kitchen, I step out onto the back porch to get a little fresh air. It’s cold, but I don’t care, I’m just happy to have a moment of quiet. As I look out towards the

mountains, I notice something in my Aunt’s backyard. Three deer, standing still, perfectly so. Quietly, I make my way back

in the house and hurry to get the kids away from the TV, I tell them “You have to come out back with me, and be quiet!” My mom, aunt, young cousin, his sister, and I all walk slowly, and quietly onto the back porch. With little explanation, they all see the deer, and enjoy the peacefulness of the sight. In an instant our anxiousness for food and presents gave way to a feeling of just being thankful for this little life moment. As we stood there, a sound

began to be noticed. It was far away, but seemed to sound like it was approaching. We looked at each other as it, slowly, became louder. As the sound drew nearer, we recognized it as the sound of a roaring car engine. The car, which wasn’t a stock car or anything, was clearly going faster than anyone should on the narrow country roads. Just as the sound became

out to which vehicle it belonged to. Grandma Debbie came plowing

into the backyard in her 1987 Ford Country Squire Station Wagon. Granny Debbie pushed hard on the breaks, and they screeched as she swerved on the slick, icy, grass. Where did she land? Right into the group of deer gathered. The kids, to their credit, did not scream, they just started to sob. We rushed them back into the house, and as I stood on the back porch looking at the sight, Debbie got out of her car, and yelled, “Those still count towards my quota!” With that, I turned around and went back inside. The kids were far too upset, and

we decided to let them tear into their gifts as a way to placate them. Debbie, celebrating her victory, stood on the front porch and smoked a Kool menthol cigarette, then came inside. We ate, and it was good. The kids loved their gifts, and quickly forgot about the sight they had seen, and I felt awkward as I helped Debbie load three dead deer into the back of her station wagon. It was not quite the sight of Red and Green I was hoping to have seen that year, but it stands out in my mind as a Christmas memory none the less. See you next week.

Shut Up and Watch the Deer Get Slaughtered


Each year at this time I like to zero in on some item that you might want to buy for the hard-‐to-‐please person on your list. The item in question this time unfortunately won’t be available

but is rumored to be making its appearance next summer, just in time for your Christmas 2014 gift list-‐-‐and no doubt will be something that shoppers will get trampled underfoot for on Black Friday 2014 (or whenever than infamous day is moved to next year).What we are talking about here

is the Ninja Sphere, a new product from Ninja Blocks, a company just under one year old and intent on cornering the apparently lucrative home controller market. The new Ninja Sphere, which can easily be mistaken for the cover of a Daft Punk album, is pretty neat looking and can pass for a trendy art piece instead of the next big thing in home technology. The

prototype piece, the Ninja Block, is the brainchild of company founder Marcus Schappi, an Aussie with a

in operation in several homes; the Ninja Sphere, however, promises to be the must-‐have version of the Block. You know, the inevitable “new and improved” model that will have all the bugs worked out.And why would anyone want

this Daft Punk looking thing sitting on top of their mantle or in the middle of their coffee table? What exactly does it do? Actually, we should be asking about what it doesn’t do, because the list of its capabilities is pretty expansive. For starters, it is a Bluetooth enabled object d’art that uses a process called “in-‐home triangulation” to control and manipulate nearly every aspect of your home life. And, just think, I had previously thought triangulation had something to do with all those shooters that congregated on the Grassy Knoll on November 22, 1963. Guess I have

watched Oliver Stone’s “JFK” one too many times.Where should I start? Well,

we could mention that the Ninja Sphere, according to a recent TheAge.com piece by Christopher Niesche, can allow a gadget-‐obsessed homeowner to attach a Bluetooth tag “on a set of keys or a wallet [and can] ensure they never go missing, or the homeowner could put a tag on their cat’s collar so the system can detect where they are and make sure they don’t set off the motion-‐activated home security system.” The problem, of course, lies in getting the cats to wear their collars. My cats would not be very enthusiastic about this

trying to paw the Ninja Square off any surface on which it was sitting. Dogs are another story, however, and maybe homeowners should consider trying out the Bluetooth

trying to do anything foolhardy with their cats.A more in-‐depth Mashable.com

article by Eva Recinos gives us more things to add to our Ninja Sphere wish list. The aforementioned in-‐

your home with Bluetooth signals and can control anything equipped with a wireless tagging system. Following is just a partial listing of what to expect when you set up your new Ninja Sphere:“When a user notices something

sketchy,” for example, “they can choose what to do next.” Like “if they already have cameras set up around their home, they can tell the Ninja Sphere to take a snapshot” and then email the photo to them, wherever they might be (already at home, perhaps?). A related review by Kristie Bertucci informs us that this cute new gadget can “turn off any appliances automatically, let you know if lights were left on or if the coffee machine is still on, as well as remind you to turn off things via

your phone or smart watch.” Get ready to purchase more gadgets to go alone with your Ninja Sphere—after all, it has to have stuff to control or it just sits there humming “Get Lucky.”A really

interesting and perhaps strange ability of this thing

is that it will “even alert you when you have valuables that are moving so that you can double check them.” And this ability extends to your wine collection as well. If one bottle moves unexpectedly, your trusty Ninja Sphere will let

burglar should do upon entering your house is to politely destroy your Ninja Sphere. Hopefully, the device will take a picture of the burglar before this wanton act of destruction and will send you an email showing you what he or she looks like. Hopefully, in the event this happens, you will have had the foresight to add the local police

Sphere email distribution list.But, wait, there’s more. If

you have a swimming pool on your property, the Ninja Sphere can “detect the ph levels and cleanliness” of your cement pond. There is no need to go on and on, because I think you get the picture—the Ninja Sphere is a vast command center for nearly every aspect of your life. And research backs the necessity for a central command center that controls all your stuff. The aforementioned Niesche article points out that

Cisco “shows more than 50 billion devices—such as TVs, lightbulbs, airconditioners, washing machines, tablets and smartphones—will be connected to the internet by 2020.” Pretty amazing and scary, isn’t it? I can’t help but wonder why anyone would want to connect a lightbulb to the internet, but I’m sure we’ll

Preliminary estimates are that you can take a Ninja Sphere home for around $250.00 once they become available next year. Bluetooth-‐equipped cat collars are of course not included with this rather low price. And neither are the cats.Too bad we won’t have these

marvelous little tech playthings under our trees this Christmas. Just think if you had one it might snap a picture of Santa placing all your shiny new presents under the tree and raiding your liquor cabinet on Christmas eve. Let’s just hope the smart device doesn’t call 911. It wouldn’t be good if Santa were arrested and had to spend the holidays in jail. Glad I’m running out of room, because otherwise

I might be forced at this point to rhapsodize about one of my favorite holiday tunes, “Christmas In Jail,” recorded in 1956 by The Youngsters, a largely forgotten doo-‐wop group. A true holiday gem. If you don’t believe me, look it up on YouTube. Forget Mannheim Steamroller—you need to spend more time with The Youngsters this year.Well, time is up and I will bid you

a fond farewell until the appearance of my Christmas Eve column next week. In the meantime, get those Bluetooth cat collars ready.

All I Want for Christmas Is My

Ninja Sphere

, The Loafer • December 17, 2013 www.theloaferonline.com

The Loafer Dec. 17, 2013

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Transcript of The Loafer Dec. 17, 2013