D A V I DD A V I D A D A MA D A M

Lent group meditations to increase ourrelationship with the living Lord

The GreatThe Great ‘I AI Am’

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D A V I D A D A M

The Great I Am

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D A V I DD A V I D A D A MA D A M

Lent group meditations to increase ourrelationship with the living Lord

The GreatThe Great ‘I AI Am’

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kevinmayhewFirst published in Great Britain in 2008 by Kevin Mayhew Ltd

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© Copyright 2008 David Adam

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ISBN 978 1 84867 077 8

Catalogue No. 1501135

Cover design by Rob Mortonson

Edited and typeset by Katherine Laidler

Printed and bound in Great Britain

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Contents

Introduction 5

First Week of Lent 15I am the bread of life

Second Week of Lent 23I am the light of the world

Third Week of Lent 31I am the gate for the sheep

Fourth Week of Lent 39I am the good shepherd

Fifth Week of Lent 47I am the way, and the truth, and the life

Holy Week 57I am the true vine

Easter Week 65I am the resurrection and the life

Affirmation 73

Acknowledgements 75

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5

Introduction

From as early as the third century Lent was seen as atime to prepare for Easter. It was a time for teachingthose who wanted to accept the faith and for preparingthe lapsed for re-admission to the fullness of the believingcommunity. It was a time to help people to commit theirlives to God and to a living relationship with him. Thisis not so much a time of denial but of learning to live life tothe full. Only what restricts our growth in this relationshipneed be cut way. A life of sin was seen as a life that missedthe mark, and Lent was a time to renew people’s aim andmake sure they were not losing out on the fullness of life.

These meditations introduce us to the mystery that isall around us and the great mystery which is God. It isimpossible to comprehend God with our minds but wecan hold him in our hearts and be held in his heart. Wewill seek to look in depth at what Jesus is saying in theseven ‘I am’ statements and see how they bring us to adeeper awareness of his ever-present love and savingpower. All of the sayings are from St John’s Gospel,which is depicted by the image of an eagle because itsoars so high. This Gospel has a special structure andbalance and a different feel to the other three Gospels. Init there are seven miracles or signs of power and alsoseven special statements which begin with words ‘I am.’

Although these sessions are laid out like study notes,they are more for meditation: they are not so much to bedebated with our minds as to be allowed to enter intoour hearts. Above all, they are to help us to encounterthe risen and living Lord. Faith is not what we believebut rather whom we believe; faith is having a livingrelationship with our God. Easter is more than hymns

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and alleluias, more than services and ceremonies; it isan encounter with the risen Lord, and all of life is meantto be lived in awareness of this encounter. It is about gettingto know him and returning to the foundation of our faithwhich is Jesus Christ. We are not the people of a book,not even the Bible, special as that is; we are the people ofGod. As Christians we are ‘in Christ and he is in us’. Weneed to live with this awareness to live full lives.

In each session I have provided a suggestion of hymnsto be sung or listened to. The hymns can be used as quietreadings to direct our attention to our Lord and his savingwork. The Gospel reading is given in full and is followedby some thoughts on it, although immediately after thereading of the Gospel I have suggested a period ofsilence. The Gospel is then backed up by references tothe Old Testament and how Jesus fulfils the longings ofhumankind. After this we look at how others haveshown their experience of this saying of Jesus in theirlives. It is then important to make this our own – notjust the words but our relationship with our God. Toassist in this I have begun each session with a prayerand ended it with a prayer. The common pattern foreach session is as follows

PrayerSuggested hymnsGospelSilenceThoughts on the GospelOld Testament Reaction of othersOur actionSilencePrayer

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INTRODUCTION

The two periods of silence are of great importancebecause in them we turn to our God who is ever-present.We need to take to heart the words ‘Be still and knowthat I am God’.

At the very end of this book there is a set of affirmationsthat can be used after each session and as a regular quietmeditation at home.

The method I have used for looking at these sayingscan be compared to a piece of four-part music. Therewill be the main theme taken from the Gospel: this is thepart we need to learn and hold on to. I would like toassign this to the tenor part. ‘Tenor’ comes from theLatin ‘tenere’, meaning to hold. Plainsong, also knownas ‘cantus firmus’, was usually given the tenor part inearly medieval masses. This held the song while higherand lower voices wrapped it round with the developingcounterpoint. We all need to learn this part and to beable to ‘sing’ it and to live it. The world should see in usthe Good News. One of the great weaknesses of theChristian West is that so few know the very Gospelwhich is the foundation of their faith. As with a piece ofmusic, do not merely listen to the Gospel, let it enter yourlife and be able to sing it in your own way. Allow theGospel to lead you into the presence and love of Christ.

Beneath the tenor is the bass part, deep and underlying.Think of this as the Old Testament without which wewould not get the fullness of the Gospel meaning. The OldTestament grounds the whole and keeps it solid, helpingus to see that this is what is meant. Without these bassnotes, our understanding can be thin and reedy, withoutdepth, a gliding, even though often beautifully, over thesurface. We need to discover there is a depth to things: adepth to the Gospel and to ourselves. Much can be donewith this two-part harmony of Old and New Testament.But more parts can enrich it and extend it further.

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Above the tenor part is the alto, which develops thetheme as laid out in the tenor part and leads us on toanother realm of thought and experience. This voicemay often appear to be quiet but it has exciting things todo and adds to the whole meaning. The alto can greatlyenrich the feel of what is going on. To the alto isassigned the experience of others, whether from the pastor from within the group that is sharing this journey. Wedo not live in a vacuum and we should learn from thewisdom and experience of those among whom we liveand also from those who have gone before us. Let usshare what the ‘song’ does for us.

Quite often today the top line is the one that peoplelearn to sing. This represents our own experience. Some-times this can appear to dominate and lead in new direc-tions; sometimes it is in danger of shutting out all othersounds; but unless it is in harmony with the cantus firmuswe are in danger of fragmentation and discord. All partsare there to enrich the others and allow a fullness of soundthat is a fullness of life. We need to know our Scriptures, torelate to others and allow them to speak to us, but we dohave our own individual part to play; without it, thewhole is not complete. Life, like music, is a lot about lis-tening and learning to live in harmony with others. I likethis idea of four-part singing but I ask you to heed thewords of St Augustine in his work ‘On Music’: he says thesecret of a genuine spiritual life lies in learning how toperform the rhythms of one’s life but without gettingentangled in them. Let this time of sharing together betime of joy and quiet meditation.

The choice of the ‘I am’ sayings came through myown seeking for God in the present tense. I worry forChristians whose Gospel is restricted to the New Testamentand who can only tell of what God has done. Too oftenthe Father, Son and Holy Spirit are spoken of in the past

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tense as if God was once at work but has ceased to beactive now. I sought to know the ‘God who is’, is present,is loving, is here and with us now. I wanted to know theGod with whom we have to do and in whom all thingsabide. The Bible regularly uses the imperfect (incom-plete) tense when talking of God’s actions, for they arenot finished; God is at work and at work in us now.

One of my friends is a very busy man. He keeps ageneral store, runs a small filling station, and acts aschurchwarden and treasurer in the local church. I haveoften met him when many demands were being madeupon him. He was being torn in different directions andit would seem life and what he stood for was fallingapart. On such occasions he had a wonderful expressionfor his condition. He would say, ‘I am feeling a bit mosaictoday.’ I got the picture: life was being fractured intosmall pieces and at this stage it would be easy for it tofall apart. He faced many troubles but because he had adeep faith in a loving and ever-present God, he managedto cope. It was at this time I used in my prayers thewords ‘Lord, broken on the cross, we come to you foryou alone can make us whole’. A fragmented person orsociety needs to come to know that their strength andwholeness come from God.

Moses must have also felt mosaic when he foundhimself in the wilderness! He had been adopted byPharaoh’s daughter and given royal privileges. It lookedas if he had a rosy future but in siding with his peoplehe had to flee from the royal court and enter into thewilderness. He felt like an alien in a foreign land (Exodus2:22). This very dislocation of his life brought him intothe silence and solitude of the desert. There in the stillnesshe became aware of God and of the holiness of theground on which he stood. This raises questions in hisheart and mind, and he asks, ‘Who am I? What shall I say?

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How am I to do this?’ Moses has no confidence withoutGod. But he is not without God and God promises to bewith him always. Our God is the One in whom ‘we liveand move and have our being’. Moses wants to knowthe nature of God but, of course, the human mind cannotcomprehend the fullness of God. However, God revealsto Moses that he is not just the God of his ancestors; he isthe present God, the God who is with him and with allwho need him. God reveals his presence with the words‘I AM WHO I AM’ (Exodus 3:1-15)

The revealing of the Holy One is what we need totransform our lives. We need to know that the groundon which we are standing is holy ground. We may haveto find our own desert, if it does not find us. Silence andsolitude are great instruments in the growth of awareness.We should set aside time and a place where we maybecome aware of the Holy One in our midst. It is whenwe have found God or been found by him in one placethat all places become holy. We need to work for the daywhen we can say with Jacob, ‘Surely the Lord is in thisplace and I knew it not’. In our seeking God, we have tobe open enough to let God find us. Let all our senses bealert to the God who comes to each of us. It is worththinking upon the words of the poet Elizabeth BarrettBrowning (1806–1861):

Earth is crammed with heavenand every common bush afire with Godbut only he who sees takes off his shoes.

Our God is the God who is present and waits upon us toturn to him. Let these words of the French philosopherand priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881–1955) challengeyour thinking about God:

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God is not far away from us, altogether apart fromthe world we see, touch, hear, smell and tasteabout us. Rather he awaits us at every instant ofour action.

Seek to learn that God and our world are not separate:the world of spirit and matter are interwoven and this isthe world in which we live. Our God is here, presentwith us. Too often we are caught talking about Godwhen we should be taking to him; we too easily ignorethe presence of God in our midst. Regularly take timeoff from your busyness to acknowledge you are in thepresence and love of God. In using this book it is good toweave times of silence every day into what we are doing.

We are always wanting to enclose God within theframework of our understanding; we would like toexplain him and name him. In the attempt to put a nameto God there is the desire to control him. We only slowlylearn that God is greater than all our thoughts and thatthe mind alone cannot contain him. It was difficult forMoses to explain how he had been found by God, howGod called him from the burning bush. Moses wants tobe able to tell others about God. God tells of ‘his name’,his nature, with the verb ‘to be’. God says, ‘Ehyeh asherehyeh’ which is usually translated, ‘I AM WHO I AM’.No words or tense can do justice to the nature of God,what God is or what he will be. For Moses, the God ofhis fathers, the God of history, the God of past experience,the God who was, has become the living God, the Godthat he now personally encounters; God is the great ‘Iam’. This experience of Moses is something we all needto experience.

As we can learn from Moses and his encounter withthe living God, so we can learn from another dislocatedlife, the woman of Samaria, who meets Jesus by Jacob’s

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Well at Sychar (John 4:1-42). The time is midday, whenmost people are staying out of the sun and resting. Atthis time the woman comes to the well because of a lifeout of tune with others. She is a Samaritan and a woman– two good reasons for Jesus not to speak to her: her sexand her race. But, of course, he does and he does so notas a critic or one to condemn. Jesus has a natural thirst;the woman has an unquenchable thirst. We may bereminded of the cry of the psalmist in Psalm 42:1, 2: ‘Asa deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs foryou, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.When shall I come and behold the face of God?’ Thewoman has sought to fill her emptiness with differentrelationships; she has been married five times and nowis living with a man who is not her husband. No doubtshe is an outcast and despised by many; some wouldsay ‘beyond redemption’. There is a play on words aboutwater and thirst between the two as Jesus leads hergently. When the woman said to him, ‘I know the Messiahis coming’ (who is called Christ), Jesus simply tells her,‘I am he, the one who is speaking to you’ (John 4:25, 26).There is this wonderful moment when she personallyknows and encounters the living Christ. It does not endthere, for the woman goes and tells of her experience,saying to others, ‘Come and see’. Many Samaritanscame to Jesus because of her and asked him to stay withthem. How often do we come to the Lord and ask him toabide with us? They came to belief not because of whatthey were told but because of their own relationshipwith Jesus. Jesus is not a theory but a dynamic livingperson. We may need someone to introduce us to him butabove all we need to make our own relationship with him.

The aim of this book is to help you to come to him.He is not a theory about life, or simply a good exampleto follow; he is not just a holy man or a prophet. He is

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our Saviour and our God; he is the risen and living Lordand he wants us to come to him. John’s purpose in the‘I am’ sayings is not just to tell us what Jesus said butwho he is. We are meant to decide by making our ownrelationship with him. John says, ‘These are written sothat you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah,the Son of God, and that through believing you mayhave life in his name’ (John 20:31).

Dietrich Bonhoeffer opposed the philosophy and atti-tude of the Nazi regime. At the outbreak of war in 1939he returned to Germany, despite being on a lecture tourin the United States at the time. His opposition to theNazis led to his imprisonment in 1943 and he remaineda prisoner until he was killed by the Nazis in 1945.Bonhoeffer was very aware of how life was beingfragmented by the modern world; too many demandswere being made of people. He saw that there was adanger of many lives disintegrating in the ferment thatwas around them. If he saw the speed of life today and themulti-choices we have, he would be just as concerned asever. In one of his letters from prison he suggested thatwhat we need is a firm base on which to build our livesif we are not to fall apart:

God requires that we should love him eternallywith our whole hearts, yet not so as to compromiseor diminish our earthly affections, but as a kind ofcantus firmus to which the other melodies of lifeprovide the counterpoint. Earthly affection is one ofthose contrapuntal themes, a theme that enjoys anautonomy of its own . . . Where the ground bass isfirm and clear, there is nothing to stop the counter-point from being developed to the utmost of itslimits . . . We must have a good and clear cantusfirmus. Without it there can be no full or perfect

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sound, but with it the counterpoint has a firm supportand cannot get out of tune or fade out, yet isalways a perfect whole in its own right. It is onlypolyphony of this kind that can give life a whole-ness, and at the same time assure us that nothingcan go wrong so long as the cantus firmus is keptgoing . . . pin your faith on the cantus firmus.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison

Remember the cantus firmus is not the written Gospelbut the living Lord who is with us. We should begin byaffirming in his presence, ‘The Lord is here: his Spirit iswith us.’

David Adam

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First Week of Lent

I am the bread of lifeJohn 6:35

Prayer

Lord Christ, we come to you in our emptiness:we who hunger and thirst come to you.We who are perishing in the wilderness come to you for hope and for help.We come for refreshment, for renewal, for strength.We come to you for in you is eternal life.You are the true and living bread: you are the Word of Life.

O Lord, I hunger for you, I long for you,I seek you and I search for you.My life is not satisfied with material things alone: all things are passing; only you are eternal.Come, fill my emptiness with your presence: come, Bread of Life, fill me and strengthen me.You are food and life to the weary.Come, that I may fully live to your glory.

Suggested hymns

I am the bread of life (And I will raise you up)Jesus the Lord said: ‘I am the Bread’Guide me, O thou great Redeemer

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Gospel

When they found him on the other side of the lake, theysaid to him, ‘Rabbi, when did you come here?’ Jesusanswered them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, you are lookingfor me, not because you saw signs, but because you ateyour fill of the loaves. Do not work for the food thatperishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life,which the Son of Man will give you. For it is on him thatGod the Father has set his seal.’ Then they said to him,‘What must we do to perform the works of God?’ Jesusanswered them, ‘This is the work of God, that youbelieve in him whom he has sent.’ So they said to him,‘What sign are you going to give us then, so that we maysee it and believe you? What work are you performing?Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it iswritten, “He gave them bread from heaven to eat.”’ ThenJesus said to them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, it was notMoses who gave you the bread from heaven, but it ismy Father who gives you the true bread from heaven.For the bread of God is that which comes down fromheaven and gives life to the world.’ They said to him,‘Sir, give us this bread always.’

Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoevercomes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believesin me will never be thirsty . . . I am the living bread thatcame down from heaven. Whoever eats of this breadwill live for ever; and the bread that I will give for thelife of the world is my flesh.’

John 6:25-35, 51

Silence

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Thoughts on the Gospel

Many still come to Jesus for what they can get out ofhim, whether it is for bread, peace or salvation. Jesusseeks us to come to him out of love and in response tohis love for us. There is no doubt that we need to cometo him, for without him there is an emptiness in ourlives that nothing else can fill. Without him we are indanger of perishing in the wilderness of this world. Butthe wonderful news, the Gospel, is that we are not withouthim. He comes to us and dwells in us. To believe in Jesusmeans to have a living relationship with him. It is throughthis living relationship that we are given strength andpeace, for we know he is with us and loves us. We needfood to exist but we all need to do more than exist: we needto live. This is what the second-century bishop Irenaeusmeant when he said, ‘the glory of God is a living man’.

Do we learn to come to Jesus each day and more thanonce in the day? Do we feed on him in our hearts?

It is no use feeding your body if your soul is allowedto die.

In our longings, in our emptiness let us hear Jesussaying, ‘I am the bread of life.’

Old Testament

Much of the Old Testament is about how the people ofGod survived their troubles through the abiding presenceand power of God. Because they were not alone, becausethey were loved by God, they survived against greatodds. The great image of this survival is the Exodus fromEgypt and how God provided for them in the desert.Exodus 16:1-15 tells of how God provided bread in thewilderness without which they would have perished.

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In Deuteronomy the people of God are reminded ofthis and that it is God who gives us life: ‘Remember thelong way that the Lord your God has led you these fortyyears in the wilderness, in order to humble you, testingyou to know what was in your heart, whether or not youwould keep his commandments. He humbled you byletting you hunger, then by feeding you with manna,with which neither you nor your ancestors wereacquainted, in order to make you understand that onedoes not live by bread alone, but by every word thatcomes from the mouth of the Lord’ (Deuteronomy 8:2, 3).

The prophet Elijah illustrates this well in his own life.He is often provided for when he is in need. In 1 Kings17–19 there is a series of times when Elijah is givenstrength through God’s provision. Elijah is fed by theravens in a time of drought and famine (17:1-7). He isfed by the widow of Zarephath from her small resourceswhich wonderfully replenish themselves as she is willingto share (17:8-16).

In 1 Kings 19:1-9 we see Elijah at a very low ebb. Elijahhas won a great battle but is now exhausted. He is drainedof energy and strength; he is really down and just wantsto die. Like all human beings, he discovers what it is liketo run out of human supplies. He cannot lift himself up.His own powers have deserted him; he is truly in thewilderness. He can only be healed by a power from out-side himself; to be recharged he needs a power source.Because he has this relationship with God, the power heneeds is there. God is with him and supplies his needs.It is God who gives us energy and strength; we wouldbe foolish to seek to journey through this world alone.

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Reaction of others

A Roman soldier once came to Julius Caesar andrequested that he might commit suicide. He was a poor,drained, dispirited being with no vitality. Caesar lookedat him and said, ‘Man, were you ever really alive?’

How do you respond to this question? Often we pretendliveliness by activity and partying when deep withinthere is an emptiness, a deep and unsatisfied hunger.When I asked a friend why he drank so much, he repliedwith great honesty, ‘You have to fill the emptiness withsomething.’

I used to be afraid of beings that could drain the lifeout of people and leave them as the half-dead, as zombies.Dracula had a particular fascination for me. Althoughthis was fiction, I was aware that so many people couldhardly be said to be fully alive. So many are starving ina world of plenty; they are empty when they could beGod-filled. I rejoiced to hear the Good News. Jesus said,‘I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.’Jesus said, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to mewill never be hungry, and whoever believes in me willnever be thirsty.’ Never is a long time. In the Greek, theword used is the strongest negative that can be found –used not only to rule out hunger and thirst but the verypossibility of it. Hunger – deep spiritual hunger –becomes impossible for any who come to Jesus. Theyshall be full and their lives shall be full. Sadly, we sooften chase after things and do not take Jesus at his word.

Our Scriptures leave us in no doubt that living in thepresence of God – of Father, Son and Holy Spirit – isLIFE. But living without God is only existing and is trulyalready sharing in death.

To our emptiness Jesus comes.To our weariness Jesus comes.

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To our hunger Jesus comes.To our boredom Jesus comes.To all who are perishing Jesus comes.He comes to nourish us and strengthen us.There is much more to life and we have often been

satisfied with scraps and crumbs when we have beeninvited to a banquet with the King.

God often sends his angels to awaken us and tosay, ‘Eat and drink; feed on him and find food for thewilderness and strength to move on.’

The group may like to share experiences or storiesthat illustrate how God gives us more than existence:God gives us life in all its fullness.

Our action

Look at your weekly schedule of living. Every day youlook after your body and see that your mind is filledwith something. Are you neglecting your inner being,your spirit? It is no use looking good on the outside ifthe inside is in danger of dying. At this start of Lent, fromtoday set aside some time for quiet and for prayer. Set afixed time and place for your meeting with Christ. Withoutfixed times and places we soon fail to meet up. Onceyou have this ‘holy place’ you will discover that itextends itself and that all places and times are full of theholy. You may like to make this prayer of St Augustineyour own:

Lord, to turn from you is to fall, to turn to you is to rise, to stand in your presence is to live for ever. Grant us in all our duties your help, in all our perplexities your guidance,

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in all our dangers your protection, and in all our sorrows your peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

St Augustine of Hippo (354–430)

Silence

Prayer

I hunger and I thirst;Jesus, my manna be:ye living waters, burstout of the rock for me.

Rough paths my feet have trod since first their course began;feed me, thou Bread of God,help me, thou Son of Man.

For still the desert liesmy thirsting soul before;O living water rise within me evermore.

John Samuel Bewley Monsell (1811–1875)

Jesus, come, fill my emptiness with your presence.Jesus, come, fill my loneliness with your love.Jesus, come, fill my troubles with your peace.Jesus, come, fill my sadness with your joy.Jesus, come: come, Bread of Life, refresh and restore me.

Turn to the Affirmation on page 73.

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