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The honeymoon: a chance to bond as a couple | T4



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A mismatched wedding and reception make for an

unforgettable event > Insideand reception make for an

unforgettable event > Inside

A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding and reception make for an








A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding A mismatched wedding

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By JEANNIE WILEY WOLFSTAFF WRITER

VAN BUREN — Kaelan and Alyssa Bell wanted to make their Sept. 6 wed-ding special.

So they filled the reception, held in the backyard of Bell’s parents in Van Buren, with elements they’d spent a year collecting. Mismatched chairs and vintage tablecloths lined the tables, and guests dined on differing pieces of china and silverware they’d found at flea markets and garage sales.

It was the wedding of their dreams, they said.

“We wanted ever ybody to have an awesome time. We wanted to entertain. We wanted people to be like this is the coolest wedding we’ve been to,” said Kaelan.

It felt more like a party than a reception, Alyssa added.

“And that’s what we wanted. It turned out so well. It was so much fun,” she said.

The couple, who are both 24, have known each other since high school when they worked together at a fast food restaurant. They both graduated in 2009, Kaelan from Van Buren and the former Alyssa Phillips from North Baltimore.

They didn’t start dating until the end of their sophomore year at Bowl-ing Green State University, where Alyssa earned a degree in apparel

merchandising and product develop-ment. For the past four years, she’s worked for Zulily in Columbus. Kaelan recently completed his degree in marine biology.

Alyssa said she had no idea Kaelan was about to pop the question when they visited her grandparents in Ashe-ville, North Carolina for the July 4 holiday last year.

“It’s like our favorite place to go,” Kaelan said. “They live on this moun-tain. There’s this lookout where we always go, so I did it there.”

He proposed at sunset and then they watched fire-works.

“It was a com-plete surprise,” Alyssa said. “I had no idea. I was oblivious.”

They began planning for their wedding soon after.

“We both have a love for antiques and anything old and vintage,” said

Alyssa. “Like what do we do on Sun-days? We go to the farmer’s market and then hit up flea markets and go to antique stores. That’s just our thing.”

For the wedding, the couple decided to focus on what they enjoy.

“We thought, why don’t we incor-porate everything that we love. So it was like vintage antique farmer’s market,” she said. “It was awesome because then we had a reason to buy all this stuff.”

They started by purchasing chairs.“We had this idea of having mis-

matched chairs at all the tables,” said Kaelan. “We started going to auctions. I had only been to a few auctions and then we started going to auctions every weekend.”

“We kind of got addicted to them,” said Alyssa.

Their travels took them to sales around Findlay and Columbus, and

even into Michigan.“So my job on the weekends was

just to go and fit as many chairs as I could in my dad’s truck.

“I put a lot of miles on my dad’s truck,” Kaelan said.

The couple purchased about 150 chairs, averaging about $3 each.

“When you rent them, you’re

paying sometimes $6 to get a nice folding chair with padding, so it made sense to buy them,” Alyssa said.

The couple purchased all styles of dining room chairs ranging from wooden to upholstered to those with cane seats, filling in the remaining

Couple collects mismatched vintage pieces for a memorable wedding reception

Photos provided to The Courier by AMY COOK PHOTOGRAPHYWHEN KAELAN and Alyssa Bell planned their wedding, they spent a year collecting antiques and knick knacks to give their special day a quaint, farmers market-style feel. They even got married in the same one-room brick church in Cygnet where five generations of Alyssa’s family were wed.

“We thought, why don’t we incorporate everything that we love. So it was like vintage antique farmer’s market. It was awesome because then we had a reason to buy all this stuff.”

ALYSSA BELL

See VINTAGE, Page T3

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100 seats they needed with wooden folding chairs.

“Literally any kind of chair that was cool, we wanted,” Kaelan said.

Kaelan’s parents offered to store the chairs in their barn.

“We wanted to keep it relatively cheap, too,” Kaelan said. “And I feel like we did it the cheapest way we possibly could because wed-dings can get expensive.”

“I think the average is like $25,000 or s o m et h i n g . I t ’s nut s ,” Alyssa said.

They cut corners wher-ever they could.

“We did the backyard. We did everything we could on our own. That was our goal which was OK because we love doing that anyway,” said

Kaelan.“We spent a year doing everything

we loved, and it was awesome,” Alyssa said.

“That was almost as fun as the actual wedding, getting ready for it,” he said.

They also bought mismatched plates and silverware, hitting up garage sales and flea markets.

“If they looked old, they had flow-ers on them or something, we got them,” Alyssa said.

Vintage tablecloths were layered one after another all the way down the long rows of tables at their reception. For centerpieces, they used random

vintage items, like tea cups and cracker tins filled with fresh flow-ers.

“ N o t h -i n g

m a t c h e d . T h at w a s

kind of our th ing ,” s a id Alyssa.

“A nd we didn’t have colors,” said Kaelan.

A l y s s a said people kept asking about their

wedding colors.“We’re like, we don’t really have

any,” she said.“We had lots of them, actually, all

of them,” said Kaelan.The couple chose an unusual loca-

tion for their wedding ceremony as well. They were married in an old one-room brick church in Cygnet that has been closed for several years. The building has special meaning; Alyssa is the fifth generation of her family to be married in the former Methodist church.

“My great-great-great-grandpar-ents got married there,” she said. “It was cool we got to get married there. It meant a lot.”

When guests got to the reception, they found a boardwalk with lights, farmers’ stands with fruits and vege-tables, and even an old pickup truck. A farm wagon, found by one of Kaelan’s friends, served as a stage for the band.

“It was really laid back,” said Alyssa, who changed into a less formal dress for the reception.

A sign invited guests to kick off their shoes and go barefoot.

“It was not formal at all,” Kaelan said. “Everyone had a good time.”

Alyssa’s family raises hogs so pulled pork with country fixings like macaroni and cheese and green beans were on the menu. There was also a bar where guests could dress their

AT KAELAN and Alyssa’s backyard reception, mismatched chairs, china, tableclothes and flatware (above) awaited guests who were treated to a pulled pork meal with all the fixings. But even the most country folk-style wedding wasn’t enough to withstand “the force;” small references to the couple’s favorite movie, “Star Wars,” were apparent, even atop the couple’s wedding cake (right).

possibly could because wed-dings can get expensive.”

“I think the average is like $25,000 or s o m et h i n g . I t ’s nut s ,” Alyssa said.

They cut corners wher-ever they could.

“We did the backyard. We did everything we could on our own. That was our goal which was OK because we love doing that anyway,” said

long rows of tables at their reception. For centerpieces, they used random

vintage items, like tea cups and cracker tins filled with fresh flowers.

“ N o t hi n g

m a t c h e d . T h at w a s

kind of our th ing ,” s a id Alyssa.


A l y s s a said people kept asking about their

“We did the backyard. We

long rows of tables at their reception. For centerpieces, they used random

vintage items, like tea cups and cracker tins

i n g m a t c h e d .

T h at w a s kind of our

th ing ,” s a id Alyssa.


said people

VintageContinued from page T2

See VINTAGE, Page T5

By SARA ARTHURSSTAFF WRITER

Wedding planning may occupy much of a bride’s attention, but at the same time there is also often planning for what comes next: the honeymoon. More than just a sightseeing excur-sion, it can be a chance for the newly-weds to bond as a couple.

Lindsay Dubocq and Kendall Per-sons got married June 6, and then took a honeymoon to Portugal and Spain. Lindsay Persons is a Findlay native and Findlay High School gradu-ate, now living in Atlanta.

The couple wanted to go some-where neither of them had ever been for their honeymoon.

“Both Kendall and I have traveled a lot,” Lindsay Persons said.

But she’d never been to Portugal, which was on her “bucket list.”

“And Kendall had always wanted to go to Spain,” she said.

The planning itself happened rela-tively haphazardly.

“Typically I’m a very organized and very planned-out person,” Per-sons said.

However, in addition to planning the honeymoon, and planning the wedding itself, she was also in the middle of a career change. She said Kendall was in charge of many of the honeymoon decisions. They made sure to figure out where they would stay, and their transportation, but left open the decisions on what sights to

see and activities to pursue.Persons said their favorite lodging

was an Airbnb rental house, a third-story flat they stayed at in Lisbon. She said it felt like a space they could claim as their own.

The couple had some travel books to help them decide what to do, but also asked their host for suggestions, Persons said.

Some friends had studied in Spain, and they had gotten suggestions from them, too. But some of the day-to-day decisions were made on the spot. They would walk down a street and go exploring, and find a restaurant that looked interesting, and eat there.

Cities they visited included Lisbon in Portugal and the Spanish cities of Sevilla, Nerja and Madrid.

“We both agree that Lisbon was our favorite city,” Persons said.

She said the city was very walk-able, and quintessentially Europe, with cobblestone roads. They spent six days there, exploring Lisbon itself as well as some of the surrounding areas.

They enjoyed visiting Cabo da Roca, Portugal , the westernmost part of Europe. Persons said it featured cliffs and a turquoise-blue ocean. They went to a secluded beach, for which there were no signs, and where they encountered few other people.

In Seville, the couple visited a large cathedral, and in Nerja, which is on the Mediterranean Sea, they went parasailing and ate “amazing seafood.”

The couple spent two weeks in Europe. Persons said they are gen-erally frugal, but decided they were willing to spend more, seeing as it was their honeymoon. However, they did find some relatively inexpensive hotels.

“And we just had the best experi-ence with them,” she said.

Persons said starting their married life in a place where everyone spoke a foreign language helped bond them as a couple.

“It really made us connect more as a team,” she said. “You really only have each other to rely on.”

In addition, they didn’t have wire-less Internet access everywhere, and

had to use maps. She said relying less on technology, too, helped con-nect them.

Persons said her husband recom-mended not thinking twice about “adventures.”

“We wanted to go somewhere that maybe we won’t ever go back to,” she said.

She said in normal life, they would never be able to take two weeks off from work. Getting married and starting a life together gives a couple the chance to do something they had always wanted to.

Their matron of honor gave them


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Photo provided by LINDSAY PERSONSLINDSAY AND KENDALL Persons stopped to pose for a picture in the Plaza de Espana in Sevilla, Spain, on their recent honeymoon. The couple wanted to be adventurous on the trip, and used some of the monetary wedding gifts they received to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do.

Try new foods, be adventurous and enjoy being with each other

See BOND, Page T6


biscuits with honey and jam. Alyssa’s grandmother baked the four-tiered wedding cake.

“Everything was homemade,” she said. “Everyone pitched in.”

The couple’s love of the movie, “Star Wars,” was included in the festivities. Origi-nal action figures of Princess Leia and Hans Solo were used as their cake toppers.

“People kept giving toasts and they kept saying, ‘May the force be with you.’ I didn’t realize that every-one knew that I loved Star Wars so much,” Kaelan said.

The couple credited their parents, Craig and Kathy Bell of Van Buren, and Jason and Laura Westgate of North Baltimore, for their help and

support.“We had so much support from

our family and neighbors and friends who would just drop everything and help us,” Kaelan said. “We tried to do as much stuff as we could before. But when it got to the week before, there were things we hadn’t even thought about. If we had not had that help, it wouldn’t have been the same.”

Looking back, the couple said they enjoyed all the preparations that went into making their wed-ding day special.

“It went so fast,” said Alyssa.

“ We k e e p saying that we had so much fun doing it, it needed to last longer, so every year we want to have a party,” Kaelan said.

The newly-weds are moving to Mobile, Alabama, where Alyssa has accepted a job with a flower nursery that works with the QVC shopping channel. Kaelan will be

looking for a job.Together, the couple also hopes to

start an event rental business using the items they bought for their own wedding.

“We loved doing it so much. Our wedding was kind of like a test run honestly, and we learned how to do things better,” Kaelan said.

“Weddings are so expensive. We want to have people throw the wed-dings that they want and not have to spend so much because for one day, it’s nuts,” he said. “We can’t throw you a formal wedding, but we can help you do anything vintage.”

Wolf: 419-427-8419 [email protected]

“We tried to do as much stuff as we could before. But when it got to the week before, there were things we hadn’t even thought about. If we had not had that help, it wouldn’t have been the same.”

KAELAN BELL

A CLOTHESLINE WAS draped in blankets, offering wedding guests the opportunity to grab one, snuggle in and make themselves comfortable (though due to the summer heat, there probably weren’t many takers).

Photo provided to The Courier by AMY COOK PHOTOGRAPHYAT THE RECEPTION, an old farm truck (above) acted as a table to hold guests’ gifts for the couple, while homemade farmstands (below) offered fresh fruit, vegetables, biscuits, honey and jams to those in attendance.

VintageContinued from page T3

By SARA ARTHURSSTAFF WRITER

It was a baseball game they’ll never forget.

In August, Felicia Otte and Jon Boyd got engaged at a Cincinnati Reds game.

Boyd, of Arlington, won four tick-ets to the Reds versus Arizona Dia-mondbacks baseball game on Aug. 21 — and the opportunity to throw out the first pitch — through a raffle at Cooper Tire & Rubber Co., where he works. The package he won also included dinner, breakfast, a hotel stay, a tour of the Great American Ball Park and two personalized Cin-cinnati Reds jerseys. Boyd decided to take Otte and two friends to the game.

Otte, of Bowling Green, had origi-nally been going to throw the first pitch.

“I chickened out,” she said.So Boyd did it, then came off the

field, grabbed her hand and took her over to the plate where the batters warm up. Otte said she almost yelled at him because everyone else was going in the opposite direction. Then Boyd got down on one knee, pulled out a ring and asked her to marry him.

“I immediately started crying,” Otte said.

Otte said she had originally been told that Boyd had won two personal-ized jerseys, but when they went to the company party at a hotel rooftop they were only given one. She was dis-appointed not to get her jersey. Then, after he proposed, one of the Reds’ mascots had waiting for her a jersey with her future married name on it.

“I was surprised that he pulled that off because he’s terrible at keeping secrets,” Otte said.

Not surprisingly, Otte was a little distracted during the game.

“A lot of it was a little bit of a blur,” she said.

But she said they had “great seats” and a great package deal through Cooper.

“We couldn’t have asked for a more fun time,” she said.

After the game the couple watched a fireworks display.

“We are planning it (the wedding) for two years out, in October of 2017,” Otte said.

The couple has been dating about five years.

“Our first date was at Applebee’s in Findlay,” Otte said.

They had known each other longer than that, though, and kept running

into one another. They actually met through a mutual friend on MySpace, “so if you can imagine how long ago that was ...,” she laughed.

Otte, 32, and Boyd, 30, have four children between them.

The Reds lost that game 3 to 6. But they did gain new long-term fans. Otte said they hadn’t been devotedly following the Cincinnati Reds before. But from now on, they definitely plan to do so.

Proceeds from the raffle benefited the Cooper Centennial Scholarship Fund.

Arthurs: 419-427-8494 [email protected]


Personal, Friendly A�ention to make certain

Personal, Friendly A�ention to make certain certain ccertaincertain

You’ll Look Stunning.

a monetary gift to spend on their hon-eymoon to do something special; they used it to go parasailing in Nerja.

Sarah Rissler and Joel Crane got married in May in Findlay and will be taking a honeymoon this fall. Sarah Crane is an Arcadia High School graduate, now residing in Cincinnati. She said she and her new husband have both traveled a lot individually. For their honeymoon, “we wanted to choose somewhere that neither of us had ever been,” she said.

As they were discussing it they came up with the idea of Peru, and will travel this fall to Machu Picchu, a historic mountaintop city from the Incan Empire.

Crane, too, said her husband did much of the honeymoon planning as she was planning the wedding. Joel Crane has been to South America before, but Sarah never has.

She is particularly looking forward to a sunrise hike up to Machu Picchu. The Peruvian government limits how many people a day are allowed up the mountain, in order to preserve the site. However, the Cranes have signed up with a tour group.

“We get early access,” she said.The Cranes’ trip will be 10 days,

during which they will also visit the cities Lima, Cusco and Puno.

Crane said planning the trip was relatively easy. The hardest part was

finding flights to and from Peru.“That, to me, was a lot harder,”

she said.They considered several options

but found that it would take at least three different flights, and in some cases four. Flying out of Cincinnati, the trip will take them a total of about 15 hours, with two layovers.

Crane said she speaks “just a very little” Spanish, but the people in the tour group will speak English.

“We’re really outdoorsy people, so we’re just really looking forward to the adventure and the nature aspects and the beauty,” she said.

She said she is also looking forward to “getting away from technology.”

Persons, too, said stepping away from computers and cell phones helped her and her new husband con-nect. Her advice to other couples plan-ning their honeymoons?

“Just be present in every moment,” she said. “We turned off our cell phones. ... We shut the world out because you only get this time exclu-sively together, really, once.”

Persons said many brides work to slim down before their wedding, but once on their honeymoon they shouldn’t be afraid to try new foods.

“Just eat,” she said.After all, traveling abroad will

give you the chance to taste things you might not be able to elsewhere.

“We just ate whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. ... Eat that second croissant,” she said.

Arthurs: 419-427-8494 [email protected]

BondContinued from page T4

Arlington man pops the question at Reds game

Provided to The CourierJON BOYD (right) took advantage of a Cincinnati Reds game package he won in a raffle sponsored by his employer, Cooper Tire & Rubber Co. in August, using the occasion to propose to his girlfriend, Felicia Otte (center). The two were engaged on Aug. 21 and plan to marry in October 2017.

Top 2014 wedding statistics• Average wedding cost: $31,213

(excludes honeymoon).• Average spent on a wedding

dress: $1,357.• Average marrying age: bride, 29;

groom, 31. • Average number of guests: 136. • Average number of bridesmaids:

4 to 5. • Average number of groomsmen:

4 to 5.• Most popular month to get

engaged: December (16 percent). • Average length of engagement:

14 months.

Information from The Knot.

By KIM COOK ASSOCIATED PRESS

Getting married on a beach, moun-taintop, remote villa or rustic rural setting is a romantic ideal for many brides.

But what does that mean for the wedding dress?

Should you go formal or footloose? Will your gown fit in your suitcase?

A bride having a “destination wed-ding” should think about versatility when choosing a gown. She must be “concerned about being comfortable, more so than your typical bride. She has to contend with weather and ter-rain, making her gown choice critical to how at-ease she feels on her special day,” says Lori Conley, senior buyer for David’s Bridal.

Christine Pagulayan of Toronto and her fiance, Ian McIntyre, jetted to Costa Rica in 2013 for a resort wedding.

“I had a (dress) style in mind: strapless, low back, white with ruch-ing. Initially, I thought about going short, since we were going to get married on a beach, but I then real-ized that even if it may be heavy or sweaty, I wanted a real wedding dress. So we found one that had a gorgeous train, but it also had a bustle so I could dance,” Pagulayan says.

Some dress trends for destination brides:

Light fabrics and short hems Many traveling brides favor light-

weight, airy fabrics. “Chiffon and organza are always

favorites. Full trains can be cumber-some if you’re navigating sand or grass,” says Conley, of David’s.

“A lot of brides opt for the ease of

a sweep train,” which just grazes the floor.

David’s destination-fr iendly dresses include styles in full or tea-length tulle, soft lace or chiffon, Conley says.

Fabrics that travel well for brides wanting a more structured gown include silk gazar, georgette and crepe, which are “lighter-weight ver-sions of silk faille and Mikado,” says Carrie Goldberg, associate fashion editor for Martha Stewart Weddings.

Short styles, meanwhile, can be fun, and have the added benefit of showing off a pretty pair of shoes.

J. Crew’s Karina short dress, for instance, has a flapper-esque fringe, and is covered in corded lace.

Separates“Tops and bottoms are not only

easier to pack, they allow for mixing and matching fabric and fit to get a silhouette that feels unique to your personal style,” says Goldberg.

Separates work for any destina-tion, she says: “A full organza skirt may appeal to a bride getting married on the beach; pairing it with a delicate silk camisole suits the location. The same skirt would suit a mountaintop affair when paired with a fur bolero or a fine knit.”

J.Crew’s Sloane poly-cotton long skirt has a simple, draped profile; a silk cami top embellished with beads, crystals, sequins and paillettes in a floral motif creates a dressy look, albeit more relaxed than a form-fitting gown.

At David’s Bridal, there’s the crisp Mikado cropped top balanced by a flowing, organza ball-gown skirt, creating a modern silhouette.

Color Let the venue inform your choice

of hue, Goldberg says. “A sunset wedding in Napa pairs

beautifully with a blush gown, while the colors of an Amalfi Coast wedding may inspire the bride to opt for some-thing blue.”

VersatilityFor bridesmaids — or perhaps

even the bride — White House Black Market has a clever option: a short or long pull-on gown with a customizable top. You can adjust the straps on the “Genius” dress to make a halter, one-shoulder or cap-sleeved version. Easy to pack, affordable and available in a range of colors, these might be a good option for a group of bridesmaids.

FootwearFlats or wedges are ideal for beach

or garden: “The more surface area the sole of your shoes have, the easier it will be to walk,” says Conley.

Keep in mind that satin or gros-grain might get stained by grass or sand.

Another option for beach brides is “foot jewelry,” an accessory that does away with the need for an actual shoe. Fashioned of pearls, silks, rhinestones and shells, these can easily be made to complement the gown.

StyleIf your wedding destination is, say,

a villa or castle in Europe, you might want to go full-on princess with the dress.

For wintry venues, think of a cream coat trimmed with sparkle; sheer or opaque long sleeves; an embroidered

bolero jacket; satin or silk gloves. On your feet, satin pumps are clas-

sic but ivory suede boots might add dash.

Transporting the dressPagulayan was able to stow her

gown on the plane in a special com-partment for wedding dresses. Some carriers might let you store your dress in business class even if you’re flying coach; check with the airline ahead

of time.

Experts recommend packing the dress in a sturdy garment bag rather than a box, so it can be stored more places. Label the bag both inside and out, and add a “Fragile” sticker. Arrive early at the airport, as the dress bag might require extra screening.

You can also ship the dress ahead of time.


druryhotels.com 1-800-436-1190

DAVE ABREAU PHOTOGRAPHY / via Associated PressCHRISTINE PAGULAYAN is shown getting dressed for her 2013 wedding to Neil McIntyre, in Sardinal, Costa Rica. Destination brides are often advised to forego high heels for footwear that’s more sand or grass friendly. “I wore beautiful satin white wedges that I swapped out for flip flops at the reception,” she says.

Formal or footloose?Think versatility when choosing a destination wedding dress

By LEANNE ITALIE ASSOCIATED PRESS

NEW YORK — Kate MacHugh has a fabulous fiance, except when it comes to wedding planning.

“When I was a little girl I always envisioned it as ‘my wedding,’ where I would make all the decisions and my faceless groom would show up when I told him to in the suit that I picked out and he paid for,” said the Beachwood, New Jersey, social worker and bride to be.

“Flash forward to now — my fiance has an opinion on EV ERYTHING,” MacHugh sa id , endors ing that approach with this caveat: “He’s a huge procrastinator and doesn’t understand that planning a wedding takes a boatload of work, time and coordina-tion. He believes every small detail will fall into place without any effort on our part.”

So goes the dilemma of many modern-day grooms. No longer on the sidelines, they’re ready, willing and able to participate, but what’s a groom to do when he hasn’t been planning every detail of his dream wedding since boyhood, has never shopped for or worn a tuxedo and doesn’t know his carats from his karats?

“My advice for all you grooms out there? Listen to your bride. She knows what she’s talking about. If she tells you that at the eight-month mark you should have picked a venue, she’s right. If she’s droning on about getting your frat brothers’ addresses for save-the-dates, you really need to get them to her. And never, I repeat, never call her a bridezilla,” advises the 26-year-old MacHugh, who’s get-ting hitched Oct. 10.

Some grooms are happy to leave the details to their partners, said Kristen Ley, a “wedding broker” who works with couples and vendors in the Atlanta area. But if you want an active groom in the lead-up, get him in the planning loop from the get-go, she urges.

“If he doesn’t feel included, he won’t be, and when it comes time

for him to chip in, the interest won’t be there,” Ley said.

Let him put that tool chest or George Foreman grill on the wed-ding registry, or don suspenders or wacky colored socks on the big day if he so chooses, Ley suggests.

Above all, grooms can’t have their wedding wishes fulfilled if they don’t speak up, said Danielle Rothweiler, a wedding and event planner in West Orange, New Jersey.

“The No. 1 thing I always tell grooms is that they MUST be vocal when planning a wedding,” she said.

It’s been awhile since Eric San Juan was a groom. He’s been married for 15 years, but he wrote a new book aimed squarely at grooms: “Stuff Every Groom Should Know,” part of a series of handy m a n u a l s f r o m Quirk Books.

Try these pro tips from San Juan:

Popping the questionSan Juan acknowledges there’s no

one way, but he’s not a huge fan of stunt proposals. The kind that actu-ally involve the public, that is, like asking via Jumbotron at a ballpark. Your proposal may just go viral for the wrong reasons.

“You risk putting the person you’re asking in a really awkward situation. Maybe he or she isn’t in

the same place. Maybe the answer won’t be yes,” San Juan said in an interview.

If you want the proposal photo-graphed or filmed, find a photogra-pher or videographer willing to shoot in secret to preserve the moment.

Also, consider going old school and asking your partner’s parents for permission to pop the question.

And never steal another couple’s thunder. Proposing at the wedding of a friend, relative or colleague is not a good idea, he said.

Picking a tuxDo you even need one? Tradition-

ally, they’re worn after 6 p.m. Morn-ing or afternoon weddings call for a morning suit, usually dark gray.

Renting a tuxedo is cheaper and ensures groomsmen will match, but a custom tux is a nicer fit and worth the investment if a groom thinks he’ll wear it again, San Juan said.

With arms down at the sides, fingertips should reach the bottom of the jacket, he said. Pants should hit the tops of the shoes. Silk is the desired tux fabric for summer, while cashmere, wool and flannel are popu-lar for winter.

Rock the bowtie. It’s the classic option. And don’t fear the cummer-bund. Modern ‘bunds are sleeker and more flattering than they used to be.

“Most men are not particularly well-versed in getting a tux,” San Juan said. “Don’t go into the pro-cess with the I’m-not-going-to-ask-for-directions mindset.”

The man cryThere may be tears and they may

be yours, guys. “The ideal man cry is a cry that is

in control. It’s not blubbering,” San Juan said.

A groom should avoid talking if his voice is going to crack. He should pause to compose himself. Man tears are awesome; “squeaky man voice, not so much,” San Juan said.

Dab, don’t rub. Surely the best man remembered the handkerchief to gently pat at tears. Rubbing red-dens eyes.

And avoid loud honking when nose-blowing.

“If you really can’t stop sobbing, visualize something totally un-sad to get yourself back in the game,” San Juan advises.

Drunk college friendsA groom’s side is often full of the

guys he used to raise hell with. A generous tip for the bartender will help ensure they get cut off before the point of no return, San Juan said.

Stay on top of the toasts pre-reception to avoid the colorful or awkward ones. And grooms should rely on their best men to police the unruly.

“You can’t completely avoid some degree of madness when it comes to your friends, but hopefully the best man can handle it,” San Juan said.

As for a groom’s imbibing, he should pace himself. Don’t down a full drink after every toast. Old bud-dies taking an open bar to the limit is one thing. Joining them is a mistake.


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MEL EVANS / Associated PressKATE MacHUGH and fiance CJ (Christopher John) Ecke sit together on a seawall in Pine Beach, N.J. MacHugh said she been planning her wedding since she was a girl and was just waiting for her “faceless groom” who would “show up when I told him to in the suit that I picked out and he paid for.” Brides shouldn’t assume their groom doesn’t want to be involved in the planning process, and grooms should know they need to take their responsibilities seriously.

Author of ‘Stuff Every Groom Should Know’ shares tips

“If he doesn’t feel included, he won’t be, and when it comes time for him to chip in, the interest won’t be there.”

- WEDDING BROKER KRISTEN LEY

By SOLVEJ SCHOU ASSOCIATED PRESS

“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” So the old playground rhyme goes.

These days, however, many cou-ples are taking a long time getting from step 1 to step 2. They’re waiting until they’re in their 30s or 40s to wed, with or without kids, after five, six, seven, eight or more years being in a relationship and living together.

The trend of long cohabita-tion before marriage in the United States is becoming part of the norm, according to family expert Arielle Kuperberg, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

Jun Yanagimachi and David Semien, both 38, of Pasadena, Cali-fornia, got married in 2010, 12 years after they started dating and seven years after they moved in together. When they were in their 20s, none of their friends were married, and they also didn’t feel pressured by their parents.

“We were happy then, and we’re happy now. Marriage is like agreeing to be more responsible. You kind of have to reach a certain age first,” said Semien, a composer.

Yanagimachi, a business research specialist, agreed: “I think that’s kind of how we felt. We didn’t feel mature enough to get married earlier.” Soon after they married, they had two children.

Kuperberg found that from 2009 to 2013, 17.6 percent of women polled

by the National Survey of Family Growth had lived with their partner for more than five years before tying the knot; 5.4 percent had cohabited more than eight years; and almost 3 percent more than 10 years. Just 20 years earlier, from 1989 to 1993, an NSFG survey found that those numbers were 7.8 percent that had lived together for five years before marrying their partner; 1.9 percent more than eight years; and 0.7 per-cent more than 10 years.

“Is it culture or cost of living that keeps people from getting married?” mused Kuperberg. “Cohabitation is much more socially acceptable now. We also find that financial instability makes people put off marriage. Part of maturity is emotional maturity, but also financial maturity.”

The recent recession has had an impact on many couples, Kuperberg said.

And very religious people are still much less likely to cohabit before marriage, added D’Vera Cohn, a senior writer at the Pew Research

Center. In states where gay marriage

has recently become legal, longtime same-sex couples can now decide too whether they want to tie the knot.

As for Yanagimachi and Semien, when they finally wed, they did so with friends and family at a Japanese Buddhist temple they had visited for years in the Little Tokyo neighbor-hood of Los Angeles. Yanagimachi wore a white kimono that her mother had received as a gift when she mar-ried. Semien, raised Catholic, wore a suit.

“We wanted it to have meaning for us, and make sense for us, and be personal,” Yanagimachi said.

Jen Tunac Camarena, a 42-year-old architect in Fullerton, California, eloped to Las Vegas in 2008 with her chef boyfriend, Armando Camarena, after eight years of living together. He wanted to marry sooner, she said. She wanted to elope to avoid the potential stress of a wedding, and social pressure from her large family.

“Our marriage felt like a natural

step,” she said. “I wanted to leave Armando what little I have, should anything happen to me. It does feel different, for some reason. It feels like

you are legitimately tied to some-one else, and I felt a greater sense of responsibility to him as my husband rather than my boyfriend.”


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SOLVEJ SCHOU / via Associated PressLONGTIME COUPLE Jun Yanagimachi (right), 38, and David Semien, 38, who married in 2010 after dating for 12 years and living together for seven of those years, are shown at home with their 3-year-old son Sage and 8-month-old son Ren, in Pasadena, Calif.

First comes love, then comes marriage — years laterCouples waiting longer to wed


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