Talking with teens
-
Upload
corina-ciobanu -
Category
Education
-
view
44 -
download
0
Transcript of Talking with teens
Talking with Teenagers
Men are from Mars
Women are from Venus
Teenagers are from another universe
altogether !
Talking with Teenagers
What do you want to get out of the workshop today?
Confidentiality
In order to feel comfortable please understand that anything shared in discussion remains within this room
Talking with Teenagers
This workshop is about understanding and appreciating the situations you and your teenagers are in so that you can
make more empowering choices
Talking with Teenagers
It is not about getting teenagers to do what you want by turning them into perfect teen-robots who automatically obey and
respect you simply because you are their parent.
Talking with Teenagers
Remember
The only person you can control is yourself.
We cannot necessarily make anyone else do anything
Talking with Teenagers
What is different about teenage years?
0-6 Teacher role - child learns from you everything they need to know and usually they want to
7-12 Manager role – organising. Not learning to read but reading to learn. Learns from a much wider social context
13 + Coaching role- Life outside of family has a greater impact and you have been fired as manger. “I can make my own decisions !!!” Your role is to find your role and provide guidance and advice.
Talking with Teenagers
A key principle of NLP
Emotions are facts.
Emotions, even if self generated will affect behaviour and communication on a daily basis. You interpret all of your experiences through a filter of emotional interpretation.
You create your own internal map of reality
Hormones
•Testosterone, Oestrogen – drive body changes in adolescence
•THP (allopregnanolone)
calms anxiety in adults
Increases anxiety in adolescents.
Cerebellum. Motor activity, posture, movement. Continues to develop into late adolescence.
Pineal gland. Produces melatonin – sleep hormone. Rhythm changes in adolescence.
Right ventral striatum. Motivates reward seeking behaviour. prompts extreme, risky behaviour? Emotional motivation
Prefrontal cortex. Executive functioning, impulse control.
Developing into early 20’s. Over-ridden by amagdala
Brain development
Social Context
Robert Epstein; The case against adolescence.“Teenagers are trying to break away from
adults, rather than become adults…”
Excluded from adult institutions. Treated as incompetent. Denied freedom of choice.
Rationality – Jean Piaget
•Children and adults reason differently
•Four stages – each builds on the former
•Final stage continues into adulthood
•Mechanism is peer interaction / reflection
Morality – Lawrence Kohlberg
•Six stages
Because you said so
You scratch my back...
I want you to want me
All for one
With God on our side
Get my halo ready, here I come.
•Development continues into adulthood
•Mechanism is peer interaction, reflection
Identity – Erik Erikson
Five stages of personality development-
security…autonomy…initiative…
competence…Identity
Process – editing narrative of life experience, including feedback from others
Group exercise: same needs, different stages
Things children do that adults don’t
Things adults do that children don’t
Things teens do that adults would prefer they didn’t
Human givens
The starting point to understanding human givens is … that all living things have to take nutriment from the environment to develop and sustain themselves. We can easily identify each nutriment because when we are born nature makes us feel a need for it.
Human givens
We are all born with essential physical and emotional needs. These needs … are our common biological inheritance, whatever our cultural background.
Whenever our emotional needs are not met, or when our resources are being used incorrectly, we suffer considerable distress. And so do those around us.
Our emotional needs include…
Security (stable home life and a safe territory to live in); Intimacy and friendship; To give and receive attention; A sense of autonomy and control; To feel connected to others and be part of a wider
community; To feel competent which comes from successful learning
and effectively applying skills Privacy (to reflect on and consolidate our experiences) To be ‘stretched’ in what we do, from which comes our
sense that life is meaningful.
Group exercise: same needs, different stages
Things children do that adults don’t
Things adults do that children don’t
Things teenagers do
that adults would prefer they didn’t
Essential
emotional needs
Talking with Teenagers
A Key principle of NLP
There are no difficult children, just difficult relationships and inflexible adults.
‘Difficult’ children are those you give up on when you cease to be flexible in you response and communication. Resistance is not so much an attribute of them but more a measure of your inflexibility
of response.
This can be hard to believe, but experiment with pretending that you believe it and see……..
Talking with Pre-teens
Another key principle of NLP
Every behaviour has a positive intention behind it.
‘Whatever it seems like to you, their behaviour is intended to be useful to them or to protect their well being. Try to interpret the underlying message from the behaviour and not the behaviour
itself.
What need does the individual think will be met by acting in this way?
Talking with Teenagers
Most common complaint is that no one listens to them
Talking to - Talking with - Listening to
Using positive language to set the tone
Don’t think about your feet
Talking with Teenagers
Try these - think of another way to say
•Don’t walk in here with muddy shoes
•Get your feet off the table
•The music’s too loud
•You’re wrong
•That skirt is too short
•I’m busy
•If you don’t do your homework you’ll fail your exam
•You can’t go to see Sue today because she’s at work
Talking with Teenagers
Who is talking to whom?
Say ‘with’ or ‘we talk about’
How long is this going to go on for?
Arrange a time/place/limit
Talking with Teenagers
Some strategiesActivity – using strategies
Describe
Give Information
Say one word
Talk about your feelings
Deficit – DesireFailure – Lesson
Suffering – SurvivalFact – Perception
Permanent – PassingPervasive – PartialPersonal – Random
Past successesCurrent achievementsWitnesses teachers, parents, friendsExceptions When things are OK
Role models
Accessing resources