T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage

8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage

1/23

Wordy Sentences

Appropriate Language

Exact Words


2/23

Eliminate redundancies

Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitationcenter working as a registered physical therapist.

Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a

registered physical therapist.Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name, address, and

phone number on a greasy napkin.

Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number

on a greasy napkin.


3/23

Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.

Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.

The best teachers help each student become a better

student both academically and emotionally.The best teachers help each student grow both

academically and emotionally.


4/23

Cut empty or inflated phrases

Along the lines of...like

As a matter of fact...in fact

At all times...always

At the present time...now, currently Because of the fact that...because

Due to the fact that...because

For the reason that...because

In order to...to

In the final analysis...finally


5/23

Simplify the structure especially by avoiding be

verbs and there is, are, was, were

Investigators were involved in studying the effect ofclassical music on unborn babies.

Investigators studied the effect of classical music onunborn babies.

All too often, athletes with marginal academic skillshave been recruited by our coaches.

All too often, our coaches have recruited athletes withmarginal academic skills.


6/23

Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single

words

We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the homeof Thomas Jefferson.

We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson.


7/23

Stay away from jargon

We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohio because we didn’t have the bandwidth to tackle it in-house.

We hired a company in Ohio because we had too few

employees to do the work.The CEO should dialogue with investors about

partnering with clients to purchase land ineconomically deprived zones.

The CEO should talk with investors about working with clients to buy land in poor neighborhoods.


8/23

Avoid pretentious language

Taylor’s employment of multihued means ofexpression draws back the curtains and lets slip thenostalgic vantage point from which she observes American society as well as her lack ofcomprehension of economic realities.

Taylor’s use of colorful language reveals that she has anostalgic view of American society and does notunderstand economic realities.


9/23

Avoid most euphemisms Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for words

thought to sound harsh or ugly Adult entertainment

Preowned automobile

Economically deprived Negative savings

Strategic withdrawal

Correctional facility

Revenue enhancers

Chemical dependency

Avoid doublespeak Deliberately evasive or deceptive language

Downsizing = firing employees


10/23

Avoid sexist language Chairman

Fireman

Mailman

Mankind

weatherman

When a student writes a paper, he must proofreadcarefully.

When a student writes a paper, he/she must proofreadcarefully.

Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use plural

When students write their papers, they must proofreadcarefully.

Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem completely


11/23

Revise language that may offend groups of people

North Dakota takes its name from the Indian wordmeaning “friend” or “ally.”

North Dakota takes its name from the Lakota word

meaning “friend” or “ally.”


12/23

Select words with appropriate connotations

When American soldiers returned home after WorldWar II, many women abandoned their jobs in favorof marriage.

When American soldiers returned home after WorldWar II, many women left their jobs in favor ofmarriage.


13/23

Prefer specific concrete nouns

Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc.

The senator spoke about the challenges of the future:the environment and world peace.

The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: pollution, dwindling resources, and terrorism.


14/23

Do not misuse words

These days the training required for a ballet dancer isall-absorbent.

These days the training required for a ballet dancer is

all-absorbing.


15/23

Use Standard Idioms

Speech forms that follow no easily specified rulesNEVER ALWAYS

Angry at (a person) Angry with (a person)

Agree to (an idea) Agree with (an idea)

Different than Different from

Off of Off

Plan on doing Plan to do

think on Think of; think about

Try and; sure and Try to; sure to


16/23

Do not rely heavily on clichés Cool as a

Beat around

Blind as a

Crystal

Dead as a

Light as a

Like a bull

Nutty as a

Playing with

Use figures of speech with care Similes & metaphors


17/23

How are the rules for wordy sentences,appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo


18/23

“The writer who breedsmore words than he needs,is making a chore for the

reader who reads.” -Dr. Seuss


19/23

Intentionally break all the rules for wordy sentences,appropriate language, and finding exact words byrewriting the lyrics to a song.


20/23

I wasn't born for diggin deep holesI'm not made for pavin long roadsI aint cut out to climb high line poles

But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

I'm not the type to work in a bank I'm no good at slappin on paintDon't have a knack for makin motors crank,no


So hand me one moreThat's what I'm here forI'm built for having a ballI love the nightlife

I love my budlightI like 'em cold and tall

I aint much for mowin thick grassI'm too slow for workin' too fastI don't do windows so honey don't ask

But I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer

A go getter maybe I'm not

I'm not known for doin' a lotBut I do my best work when the weather's hotI'm pretty good at drinkin' beer

So hand me one moreThat's what I'm here for

I'm built for having a ballI love the nightlifeI love my budlightI like 'em cold and tall

I wasn't born for diggin deep holes

I'm not made for pavin long roadsI aint cut out to climb high line polesBut I'm pretty good at drinkin beerI'm pretty good at drinkin beer


21/23

The intention of my conception wasn’tfor the purpose of agricultural orluminescent engineering. However,

I'm a professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.

I wouldn't’t be categorized for being afinical officer or adding gratuitouscosmetic pigment. Don’t have a future

with internal combustion blocks.However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage consumer.

Ill accept an encore, that’s why I'm inattendance, physiologically built for

have ball. With the indirectconnection with a G-type main-sequence star, I’d enjoy my low calorieBudweiser, I prefer them altitudinousand brisk.

I'm not a fan for caring for highly concentratedlandscapes, I have a bad case of chronic fatiguesyndrome, I’m not a contractor so honey don’t ask.However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverageconsumer.

A go getter maybe I'm notI’ve been known using excusesBut I do my best work when the sun is aligned withmy location. I'm a professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.

Ill accept an encore, that’s why I'm in attendance,physiologically built for have ball. With the indirectconnection with a G-type main-sequence star, I’denjoy my low calorie Budweiser, I prefer themaltitudinous and brisk.

The intention of my conception wasn’t for thepurpose of agricultural advancement or to have acareer with PENDOT, and not a fan of high altitudeatmospherically conditions.However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage

consumer. I'm a professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.


22/23

OriginalI wasn't born for diggin deep holes

I'm not made for pavin long roads

I aint cut out to climb high line poles


Rewrite

The intention of my conception wasn’t for the purpose ofagricultural or luminescent engineering. However, I'm aprofessional fermented yeast beverage consumer.


23/23

By Sunday night, post to BlackBoard DiscussionBoard two pairs of words or phrases that confuse

you. For example, some people use affect when theyshould use effect.

T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage

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