SuCH iS life - Griffith ReviewGriffith REVIEW seems to get better with age.’ Sydney Morning Herald...

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A QUARTERLY OF WRITING & IDEAS 33 Debra Adelaide Peter Bishop Raimond Gaita Marion Halligan Kate Holden Shakira Hussein Lloyd Jones Frank Moorhouse Carrie Tiffany Maria Tumarkin AND MORE SUCH IS LIFE

Transcript of SuCH iS life - Griffith ReviewGriffith REVIEW seems to get better with age.’ Sydney Morning Herald...

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‘Style and substance sit easily together.’ Weekend Herald

GriffithReview33 SuCH iS life

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MeMOiRDeBra aDelaiDe: not for official useMeera aTKinSon: Child’s playDaViD Carlin: The true history of the Circusanna DorrinGTon: My mother and mereBeCCa ePSTein: My last-ditch attemptMeloDy l fuller: Going to Washington, DCraiMonD GaiTa: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilitiesBrian GeaCH: DenzilMarion HalliGan: The cigar boxKaTe HolDen: after the wordsSHaKira HuSSein: nine-eleven-itislloyD joneS: looking backToni jorDan: Waking upVirGinia lloyD: never stop lookinganDreW SanT: on self-knowledgejulianne SCHulTZ: Storytelling, sense-makingCarrie Tiffany: StrikerjoHn TranTer: familyCarolijn ViSSer: The veiled bride

eSSAYPeTer BiSHoP: adventures of the letter ia j BroWn: The living subjectfranK MoorHouSe: Beyond stigmaMaria TuMarKin: Beyond truth and justice

RePORTAGe MaTTHeW riCKeTSon: The blind side

POeTRY SanDra GolDBlooM ZurBo: Heart’s dreamlaura jan SHore: Hospice

PicTuRe GALLeRYKonraD WinKler: leila: losing frank

griffithreview.comread more SuCH iS life articles online and purchase previous digital and print editions

A quARTeRLY Of wRiTinG & ideAS33

debra Adelaide Peter Bishop Raimond Gaita Marion halliganKate holden

Shakira husseinLloyd Jones frank Moorhouse carrie Tiffany Maria Tumarkin and more

SuCH iS life

GR33_cover_PT.indd 1 10/06/11 2:00 PM

Praise for Griffith REVIEW

‘The best literary journal in the country.’ Sydney Morning Herald

‘An always vibrant mix of creative writing, essays, photography and ideas, Griffith REVIEW has gone from strength to strength.’ Adelaide Review

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‘An outstanding example of what “zeitgeist” means…uncannily prophetic. Griffith REVIEW seems to get better with age.’ Sydney Morning Herald

‘Griffith REVIEW is the best literary journal in the country. Editor Julianne Schultz attracts writing of superior craftsmanship, intellectual and creative depth. If you care about writing, this is compulsory reading.’ The Age

SIR SAMUEL GRIFFITH was one of Australia’s great early achievers. Twice the premier of Queensland, that state’s chief justice and the author of its criminal code, he was best known for his pivotal role in drafting agreements that led to Federation, and as the new nation’s first chief justice. He was also an important reformer and legislator, a practical and cautious man of words.

Griffith died in 1920 and is now best remembered in his namesakes: an electorate, a society, a suburb and a university. Ninety-six years after he first proposed establishing a university in Brisbane, Griffith University, the city’s second, was created. His commitment to public debate and ideas, his delight in words and art, and his attachment to active citizenship are recognised by the publication that bears his name.

Like Sir Samuel Griffith, Griffith REVIEW is iconoclastic and non-partisan, with a sceptical eye and a pragmatically reforming heart and a commitment to public discussion. Personal, political and unpredictable, it is Australia’s best conversation.

GriffithREVIEW33Such Is Life

Edited by Julianne Schultz

INTRODUCTION

7 Storytelling, sense-making JULIANNE SCHULTZ: Past, present and future

MEMOIR

10 Looking back LLOYD JONES: A self-portrait

27 On self-knowledge ANDREW SANT: A ring and its keeper

30 Striker CARRIE TIFFANY: Looking after the heart

38 My last-ditch attempt REBECCA EPSTEIN: Notes on getting by

61 After the words KATE HOLDEN: Writing and living a memoir

66 Not for official use DEBRA ADELAIDE: Finding a name

94 The cigar box MARION HALLIGAN: Opening the treasure trove of memory

104 My mother and me ANNA DORRINGTON: A reacquaintance

115 Nine-eleven-itis SHAKIRA HUSSEIN: Crossing the borders of belonging

133 Going to Washington, DC MELODY L FULLER: Crying for Oscar Grant III

141 The true history of the Circus DAVID CARLIN: Bluff, lies and feats of skill

148 The veiled bride CAROLIJN VISSER: From Nazi Germany to Bondi, via Shanghai

161 Never stop looking VIRGINIA LLOYD: Photographing the dead and dying

168 Denzil BRIAN GEACH: Father to the man

178 Family JOHN TRANTER: Looking forward, looking back

182 Waking up TONI JORDAN: Counting my blessings

187 Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities RAIMOND GAITA: The journey from book to film

194 Child’s play MEERA ATKINSON: The biggest Sherbet fans ever

GriffithREVIEW33

ESSAY

48 Adventures of the letter I PETER BISHOP: Reading and writing in the first person

73 Beyond stigma FRANK MOORHOUSE: Musings on the sadness of privacy

85 The living subject A J BROWN: Warts and all

108 Beyond truth and justice MARIA TUMARKIN: The path to healing

REPORTAGE

127 The blind side MATTHEW RICKETSON: Deciding what to tell

POETRY

93 Heart’s dream SANDRA GOLDBLOOM ZURBO

177 Hospice LAURA JAN SHORE

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INTRODUCTION

Storytelling, sense-making Past, present and future

Julianne Schultz

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JULIANNE SCHULTZ: Storytelling, sense-making 9

MEMOIR

Looking back A self-portrait

Lloyd Jones

!"#$%&'()%*)%*(%'%+',*-%./012%"//%3$'4)*546%)/%6'()78%9%:/#;%<6'0$%

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

10 GriffithREVIEW33

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

?;(*1$%)#$%C')$2%)#$%./061%-#';C$1%)/%'%5$()*@$%&6'-$7%?%D4*-B6A%*1$;)*5*$1%)#$%-643%-/6/40(%/5%)#$%)./%)$'+(%C/*;C%')%*)%/;%)#$%T/%U%C0/4;12%';1%&*-B$1%4&%)#$%&6$'(*;C%'0/+'(%/5%)#$%-'0-*;/C$;*-%#/)%1/C(%50/+%)#$%@';%&'0B$1%')%)#$%;/0)#$0;%$;1%/5%)#$%()';12%';1%5$6)%'%C$;$0'6%($;($%/5%4&6*5)%';1%'&&$)*)$% )#')%#'1%;/)#*;C%)/%1/%.*)#%.';)*;C%)/%$')%';A)#*;C7%%

?%6$5)%S'1%)/%-6*+3%)#$%-/;-0$)$%()$&(%)/%)#$%()';1%';1%#400*$1%/;%)/%)#$%&6'A$0(8%$;)0';-$2%.#$0$%?%.'*)$1%.*)#%)#$%/)#$0%B*1(7%J$%(;$'B$1%$;@*/4(%6//B(%')%)#$%/61$0%3'66%3/A(%.#/%.$0$%'66/.$1%)/%0/'+%*;%)#$%4;&/&46')$1%C0$$;%@$0C$%/5%&0*@*6$C$1%'--$((%3$).$$;%)#$%5$;-$%';1%)#$%)/4-#6*;$7%V/0%)#$%+/+$;)2%#/.$@$02%'66%$A$(%.$0$%)0'*;$1% *;% )#$%/;$%1*0$-)*/;7%V0/+%)#$%1'0B% )4;;$6%4;1$0% )#$%()';1%.$%#$'01% )#$%(/4;1% /5% -6$')(% /;% -/;-0$)$7% P% (6/.% +'0-#% )/% 3$C*;% .*)#7% "#$% (/4;1% /5% -6$')(%C')#$0$12%*)%C0$.%#$'@*$0%4;)*6%5'-$(%4&%*;%)#$%()';1%.$0$%10'.;%)/%)#$%3'64()0'1$%)/%6//B% 1/.;7% "#$;% /4)% /5% )#$% C6//+% )#$% C*';)(% $+$0C$1% 9% #4C$2% 3';1'C$1% +$;%0$$B*;C%/5%6*;*+$;)7%"#$0$%.'(%)#$%-/6/(('6%5*C40$%/5%)#$%P66%G6'-B%';1%K$)/;$%&0/&%W$;%M0'A7%X$%'3(/03$1%/40%&0A*;C%$A$(7%X*(%#';1(%.$0$%#4C$7%X*(%$A$(%()'0$1%/4)%/5%1'0B%(6$$&6$((%(#'1/.(7%X$%(6'&&$1%#*(%#';1(2%';1%'(%#$%&'(($1%)#0/4C#%)#$%C')$%#$%10/&&$1%#*(%#$'1%';1%30/B$%*;)/%'%3*C%+';8(%,/C7%"#')%#$%1*1%;/)%'&&$'0%)/%#$'0%)#$%-#$$0(%-/+*;C%/4)%/5%)#$%()';1%'6.'A(%&4YY6$1%+$7%%

%THAT YEAR, 19652% ?% )0'@$66$1% 4&% )/%P4-B6';1%.*)#%+A%+/)#$0% )/% ($$% /55%+A%/61$()%(*()$02%K')2%/;%'%(#*&%('*6*;C%)/%R40/&$7%N;%)#$%.#'05%.$%()//1%*;%'%1*55$0$;)%-0/.1%50/+%)#$%4(4'6%I')401'A%-0/.17%"#*(%/;$%#$61%#';1B$0-#*$5(%';1%.$&)%';1%0$+$+3$0$1%)/%.'@$%4&%')%)#$%$E-*)$1%';1%+/()6A%A/4;C%5'-$(%#';C*;C%/55%)#$%(#*&%0'*67%P(%)#$%&'(($;C$0%6*;$0%+/@$1%/4)%50/+%)#$%.#'05%)#$%()0$'+$0(%30/B$%';1%5$66%*;)/%)#$%1'0B%#'03/40%.')$0(7%J$%)40;$1%'.'A2%+A%+/)#$0%.*)#%'%)$'0%*;%#$0%$A$2%'6/;$% .*)#% #$0% (*6$;)% -/+&';*/;% 5/0% )#$% Z[\F+*6$% 0'*6% ,/40;$A% #/+$7% J#')% ';%$;/0+/4(% -/4;)0A% .$% 6*@$1% *;7% ?)(% C0'((A% $+&)*;$((% 56/')$1% 3A% *;% )#$% -'00*'C$%.*;1/.(7%J$%&'(($1%/4)% )#$%$;1%/5%;'+$6$((% )/.;(7% ?% -/461;8)%.'*)% )/%C$)%3'-B%#/+$%)/%I)$66*;%I)0$$)2%=/.$0%X4))2%.#$0$%$@$0A)#*;C%.'(%&$05$-)6A%&0/&/0)*/;$17%

I//;% &/()-'01(% 50/+% ';/)#$0% ./061% '00*@$1% *;% /40% 6$))$03/E% 9% 50/+% I*$;'2%V6/0$;-$2%=/;1/;2%&6'-$(%.#*-#%1*1;8)%5$$6%@$0A%0$'62%6$)%'6/;$%0$6$@';)7%?%5$6)%(/00A%5/0%3/)#%+A%(*()$0(%]3A%;/.%)#$%A/4;C$0%/;$2%G'03'0'2%.'(%6*@*;C%*;%L/+$2%';1%.*)#%

LLOYD JONES: Looking back 11

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12 GriffithREVIEW33

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bcd\(%';1%8e\(%)#$%(*1$6*;$%.'(%)#$%('5$)A%0'*6%)#')%)#$%C'+$%-64;C%)/7%P%)$'+%./461%3$%#'&&A%)/%-#$.%/55%3*)(%/5%)$00*)/0A% '6/;C% )#$% (*1$6*;$7% P% +*15*$61% '))'-B% .'(% -/;(*1$0$1% &40$% 5/66A2% $@$;%*00$(&/;(*36$2%'(%*)%0';%'%0*(B%/5%)#$%)*C#)6A%-/;)0/66$1%&'))$0;%/5%&6'A%5'66*;C%'&'0)7%V/0%C/18(%('B$2%';A)#*;C%+*C#)%#'&&$;7%%

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LLOYD JONES: Looking back 13

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N;% )#$%$@$%/5% )#$%V/40)#%"$()% *;%bcd[%S0%>$0./$01%+'1$%#*(% 5'+/4(%=/(B/&%S'+%(&$$-#%0$'55*0+*;C%)#$%3';%/;%_'/0*%&6'A$0(%)/40*;C%I/4)#%P50*-'7%a$'0(%6')$0%?%./461% 0$'1%#/.%T$.%f$'6';1$0(% )40;$1%'C'*;()% )#$*0% )/40*()(%'(%'% 0$(46)%/5% )#')%(&$$-#7%?%1/;8)%0$-'66%)#')%#'&&$;*;C%')%'667%P)%6$'()2% *)%1*1;8)%#'&&$;%*;%)#')%30*-B%#/4($%')%U\%I)$66*;%I)0$$)7%?%-';;/)%0$-'66%'%(*;C6$%-/;@$0(')*/;%'3/4)%'&'0)#$*1%$*)#$0%')%#/+$%/0%')%(-#//67%?%/;6A%+$;)*/;%)#*(%*;%/01$0%)/%4;1$06*;$%)#$%5/0)0$((%'(&$-)%/5%+A%-#*61#//17%

W$*)#%NE6$$2%)#$%G/B(8%5*0()%5*@$2%@*(*)$1%SA$0%I)0$$)%I-#//67%?%.'(%'%5*0()%5*@$F$*C#)%(/%?%5$6)%';%*++$1*')$%3/;17%J#')%?%0$+$+3$0%'3/4)%)#')%@*(*)%.'(%)#$%&'0)*-46'0%C0$$;% /5% )#$*0% 36'Y$0(2% 4;6*B$% ';A% C0$$;% )#')% .'(% 5'+*6*'02% ';1% )#$% I&0*;C3/B%$+36$+2%';1%'6(/%W$*)#8(%(+*6$%9%/;$%/5%)#/($%(+*6$(%.#/($%/.;$0%,4()%.';)(%)/%3$%$@$0A/;$8(%50*$;17%P3/4)%'%#4;10$1%/5%4(%3$'+$1%3'-B7%%

%IT NEVER OCCURRED% )/%+$% )#')% ?%.'(% 50/+%'% @$0A% (+'66% -/4;)0A7% ?% #'1%;/%-/;-$&)%/5%+A%&6'-$%*;%)#$%./0617%"#$%C$/C0'&#*-'6%(&'-$%/5%T$.%f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

14 GriffithREVIEW33

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LLOYD JONES: Looking back 15

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16 GriffithREVIEW33

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LLOYD JONES: Looking back 17

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18 GriffithREVIEW33

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LLOYD JONES: Looking back 19

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20 GriffithREVIEW33

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LLOYD JONES: Looking back 21

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22 GriffithREVIEW33

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LLOYD JONES: Looking back 23

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24 GriffithREVIEW33

IN MY LAST%)$'+%&#/)/2%*;%bcei2%/;$%A$'0%/4)%/5%#*C#%(-#//62%?%'+%-6$'06A%/;$%/5%)#$%A/4;C$0%/;$(%&6'A*;C% 5/0%R'()3/40;$%I$;*/0(7% V0/+% )#$%3$+4($1%4&6';1(%/5%+*116$%'C$2%?%'+%(40&0*($1%3A%)#$%(406*;$((%/5%)#')%4;5465*66$1%5'-$7%?%-';8)%*+'C*;$%)#')%?%'-)4'66A%5$6)%(/407%J#')%.'(%)#$0$%)/%5$$6%(/40%'3/4)`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LIKE MOST EX-PLAYERS%/5%+A%C$;$0')*/;%?%0$+'*;%*;%)/4-#%.*)#%)#$%C'+$7%"#$0$%'0$%@$0A%5$.%"$()(%)#')%?%#'@$%+*(($1%*;%)#$%)$6$@*($1%'C$7%"#$0$%.'(%'%)*+$%.#*6$% 6*@*;C%*;%V0';-$%';1%'C'*;%*;%P+$0*-'%)#')%?%0$6*$1%/;%;$.(&'&$0%-6*&&*;C(%($;)%50/+%#/+$%)/%B$$&%+$%4&%)/%1')$7%?%()*66%(-';%)#$%.$$B$;18(%-643%04C3A%0$(46)(2%$@$;%)#/4C#%)#$%/;6A%/;$%)#')%+*616A%*;)$0$()(%+$%*(%K$)/;$8(7%"#$%P66%G6'-B(%'0$%'%1*55$0$;)%+'))$07%

?;%U\b\2%.#$;%)#$A%&6'A$1%)#$%J'66'3*$(%*;%X/;C%W/;C2%?%#'&&$;$1%)/%3$%/;%'%56*C#)%3$).$$;%K*('%';1%G$06*;7%?)%.'(%4;($))6*;C%)/%B;/.%)#')%)#$A%.$0$%&6'A*;C%';1%?%.'(;8)%C64$1%)/%'%(-0$$;7%I/+$.#$0$%/@$0%)#$%S/6/+*)$(%?%5*C40$1%)#')%'(%(//;%'(%)#$%&6';$%)/4-#$1%1/.;%')%I-#j;$5$61%?%./461%-')-#%)#$%$E&0$((%*;)/%)#$%-*)A%';1%')%

LLOYD JONES: Looking back 25

X'4&)3';#/5%(.*)-#%)0'-B(%)/%&*-B%4&%)#$%Ie[%';1%C$)%/55%')%X'-B$(-#$0%_'0B)7% ?%B;$.%50/+%&'()%$E&$0*$;-$%)#$%5*6)#A%?0*(#%3'0%3$;$')#%)#$%)0'-B(%./461%3$%(#/.*;C%)#$%+')-#%';1%)#')%*)%./461%3$%&'-B$1%.*)#%$E&')(%';1%()0'A%G$06*;$0(7%J*)#%'%3*)%/5%64-B%?81%C$)%)#$0$%*;%)*+$%5/0%)#$%($-/;1%#'657%GA%)#$%)*+$%.$81%()'0)$1%/40%1$(-$;)%?%.'(%#'&&*$07%G4)%?%#'1%5'*6$1%)/%)'B$%*;)/%'--/4;)%)#$%?;)$0;')*/;'6%S')$%=*;$7%_A%-'6-46')*/;(%.$0$%/4)%3A%'%1'A7%

"#$0$%'0$%/)#$0(%6*B$%+$2%.#/%C0$.%4&%.*)#%)#$%('+$%&0/&/0)*/;$1%./0612%/;%)#$%('+$%&6'A*;C%5*$61(2%-/;(-0*&)$1%')%'%(*+*6'0%$'06A%'C$7%?8@$%($$;%)#$+%*;%-'5k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`%%

_A%(*()$0%K')2%3A%)#$%.'A2%*(%;/.%'%5';7%I#$%.*66%/5)$;%)0A%';1%'0C4$%.*)#%+$7%V/0%$E'+&6$2%(#$%#'(%'%(/5)%(&/)%5/0%)#$%J'66'3*$(7%?%6$)%#$0%C/%/;%')%)#$%/)#$0%$;1%/5%)#$%6*;$7% ?% .'*)% &')*$;)6A2% '(% _400'A% S$'B$0% +4()2% )/% $;140$% )#$% +/()% 0'3*1% ';1%+*(*;5/0+$1%/5%#*(%)'6B3'-B%-'66$0(2%3$5/0$%()'0)*;C%/;%+A%$14-')$1%$E&6';')*/;%'(%)/%.#A%(#$%*(%.0/;C2%-/+&6$)$6A%.0/;C2%*;%$@$0A%(*;C6$%)#*;C%(#$%#'(%,4()%('*17%P;1%)#$;2%*5%(#$%&$0(*()(2%?%0$&6A%.*)#%'%()/*-8(%(*6$;-$7%

Lloyd Jones is a Wellington-based writer whose books include the novel Hand Me Down World (Text, 2010); the short-story collection The Man in the Shed (Text, 2009); Mister Pip (Text, 2006), which won the 2007 Commonwealth Writers’ Prize and was shortlisted for the 2007 Man Booker Prize; and The Book of Fame (Penguin, 2000), about the 1905 All Blacks tour of the British Isles. ‘Who’s that dancing with my mother?’ appeared in Griffith REVIEW 25: After the Crisis.

26 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

On self-knowledge A ring and its keeper

Andrew Sant

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ANDREW SANT: On self-knowledge 27

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Andrew Sant’s latest collection of poems is Fuel (Black Pepper, 2009). He is currently Writing Fellow at Goldsmiths College, University of London. Other prose pieces by him have recently appeared in Antipodes, Island, Meanjin and Best Australian Essays 2010.

ANDREW SANT: On self-knowledge 29

MEMOIR

Striker Looking after the heart

Carrie Tiffany

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30 GriffithREVIEW33

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Y()!.#-/%-!/0-!4<3!#$!$/%!-021I!,<$-!/0-!-/0*$!(2!#2;!3(%-!)#'1!$(!$/%!-/%;8!Q0R!.#$'/%-!#-!/%!.#"1-!$/*(<3/!$/%!3#*;%28!W%B-!;(023!.%""I!-/%!-#5-8!D/%*%!/#-!)%%2!

32 GriffithREVIEW33

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CARRIE TIFFANY: Striker 33

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34 GriffithREVIEW33

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CARRIE TIFFANY: Striker 35

)%%2!%#-0%*!06!-/%!/#;!)%%2!"5023!(2!#!6"#$!-<*6#'%8!+$!.(<";!/#@%!)%%2!%#-0%*!06!+!/#;!12(.2! ./#$! +! .#-! ;(023 !̂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36 GriffithREVIEW33

A COMPLICATION ARISES8!D/%*%!0-!#2($/%*!-$02$!02!/(-,0$#"8!D/%!'#*;0("(30-$!0-!(@%*-%#-I!)<$!#-!-((2!#-!/%!*%$<*2-!/%!*023-!$(!-#5!/%!0-!-(**5!#2;!+!#4!-<*,*0-%;!#$!$/%!<23<#*;%;!2#$<*%!(6!/0-!#,("(358!+!#4!2($!-<*,*0-%;!$/(<3/I!./%2!/%!;%-'*0)%-!/0-!40-$#1%!#-!J;*(,,023!$/%!)#""B8!W%!0-!-,%#1023!$(!4%!(2!#!4()0"%!,/(2%!02!/0-!'#*8!D/%!*0'/!$*044023-!#2;!<,/("-$%*5!4(;<"#$%!/0-!@(0'%8!W%!-#5-!0$!0-!*#*%!$(!/#@%!#!)#;!(<$'(4%8!+!/%#*!#!$*#4!*<4)"%!,#-$8!W%!/#23-!<,!#2;!+!.(2;%*!./%*%!/%!0-!3(0238!D(!$/%!(,%*#A!?/%*%@%*!/%!3(%-I!/%!.0""!)%!$/%!(2"5!,%*-(2!./(!/#-!-%%2!$/%!02-0;%!(6!45!/%#*$8!!

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Carrie Tiffany is a former park ranger who lives in Melbourne, where she works as an agricultural journalist and writer. Her first novel, Everyman’s Rules for Scientific Living (Picador, 2006), was shortlisted for the Miles Franklin Award and the Orange Prize for Fiction. Her new novel, Mateship with Birds, will be published by Picador in early 2012.

CARRIE TIFFANY: Striker 37

MEMOIR

My last-ditch attempt Notes on getting by

Rebecca Epstein

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38 GriffithREVIEW33

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REBECCA EPSTEIN: My last-ditch attempt 39

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40 GriffithREVIEW33

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

REBECCA EPSTEIN: My last-ditch attempt 41

)&+!9+(#)!+7/%()+7!8;!/#!%(3!:'%:!)&*8/=&!)&+0!2')&!8/*!?+7*880!#9'""+*#-!J8*7#!9':+! O0(3(=+0+3)56!(37!O&(00+*56!(37!O)*/3%()+5-!E9(&6!?9(&-!J&()!4!2(3)!(*+!)&+!-9!55&!28*7#6!)&+!28*7#!)&()!%83D+$!)&+!0+(3'3=!'3!83+!#$99(?9+!(37!)&*82!')!'3)8!78/?)!'3!)&+!3+,)-!['"A#&(:'3=!%(7+3%+-!<!08/)&A;++9-!@'00+!)&8#+!28*7#-!!!AND WHEN I!2(#!;';)++36!(!?'=!#%(*$!?8$!98%:+7!0+!'3!(!*880!(37!089+#)+7!0+6!(37!(;)+*6!4!?+%(0+!#+D+*+9$!7+"*+##+7!(37!%8/9735)!=+)!8;;!)&+!%8/%&!;8*!083)&#6!(37!;/%:!#%&8896!;/%:!)&()6!4!2()%&+7!)&+!#/3!;'9)+*!'3!)&*8/=&!)&+!2'3782!;8*!)28!083)&#!(37!)&8/=&)!')!2(#!)&+!7(*:+#)!)&'3=!457!+D+*!#++3-!G&+!78%)8*!"/)!0+!83!(3!(3)'7+"*+##(3)!(37!7'(=38#+7!0+!2')&!"8#)A)*(/0()'%!#)*+##!7'#8*7+*!(37!4!9(/=&+76!?+%(/#+!4!3)3!;++9!9':+!(!D+)+*(36!8&!=8873+##6!$+#6!?/)!')!&(7!D+*$!9'))9+!)8!78!2')&!?+'3=!#+,/(99$!(##(/9)+7-!F8)&'3=!&(7!;+9)!*'=&)!'3!;'D+!$+(*#-!4!2(#!38)!)&+!=897+3!%&'97! (3$08*+-! 4!2(#! &/*)9'3=! )82(*7! #80+! ;/%:+7A/"! +37! (37! +D+*$83+! '3!0$!;(0'9$!:3+2!')!(37!2&+3!0$!7(7!988:+7!()!0+!')!2(#!2')&!7'#0($!(37!)&()! K/#)!0(7+!0+!;++9!08*+!;/%:+7!/"!(37!(3=*$-!B$!)&8/=&)#!2+3)!(*8/37!(37!(*8/37!(37!4!2(3)+7!)8!*'"!0$!823!&('*!8/)!(37!#80+)'0+#!4!7'7-!

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!I SEND MY!;*'+37#!(3!+0('9!)&()!'3%9/7+#!)&+!;89982'3=1!

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42 GriffithREVIEW33

H! G(9:'3=! D+*$! P/'%:9$_+,%+##'D+9$! 8*! '3)+**/")'3=! (! 98)! 9':+! 4! &(7! 98)#! 8;!%8;;++!

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!IT WAS 20056!F8D+0?+*6!(37!4!2(#!28*:'3=6!'3!(99!"9(%+#6!'3!(!9(?!)&()!#)/7'+7!)&+!"*+%/*#8*#!8;!#%&'V8"&*+3'(-!B$!K8?!2(#!)8!%(99!"8)+3)'(9!%*(V'+#!(37!(#:!)&+0!P/+#)'83#! ;*80! (! 7'(=38#)'%! P/+#)'833('*+1! OM8! $8/! +D+*! ;++9! #)*(3=+! ?87'9$!#+3#()'83#6! #/%&! (#! $8/*! &+(7! ;98()'3=! (?8D+! $8/*! ?87$N5! OM8! $8/! +D+*! ;++9! 9':+!"+8"9+!0'=&)!?+!8/)!)8!=+)!$8/N5!

REBECCA EPSTEIN: My last-ditch attempt 43

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[+*+5#!)&+!)&'3=-!B$!78%)8*!+3)*/#)#!0+!2')&!7'#%'"9'3+-!>&+!)+99#!0+!)8!%&(3=+!0$!9';+-!<37!4!786!4!#2+(*!')6!;8*!)28!2++:#-!4!2(9:!0$!78=6!I/,6!;8*!(3!&8/*!+D+*$!7($!(983=!)&+!?':+!)*('9!3+(*!0$!&8/#+-!4!+()!839$!3/)*')'8/#!;887-!4!7835)!7*'3:6!8*!#08:+6!8*!78!7*/=#-!4!(D8'7!#)*+##-!4!0+7')()+-!4!#9++"!()!3'=&)-!4!(0!+113-!!

44 GriffithREVIEW33

<37!2&+3!4!#++!83+!8;!0$!='*9#!()!%8;;++!#&8"!(37!#&+!(#:#!&82!4!(0!78'3=!2')&!(!&(37!83!0$!#&8/97+*6!4!"()!)&()!&(37!(37!4!#($6!O4!(0!;'3+-!4!(0!(!9'))9+!0(3'%6!?/)!4!(0!8:($-5!

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

4!*+0+0?+*!&+*!)(:'3=!0+!(=('3!)8!)&+!&8#"')(9!?+%(/#+6!?+%(/#+6!4!7835)!:382!2&$6!4!7835)!:382!(3$)&'3=!(?8/)!)&()!)'0+!+,%+")!4!*+0+0?+*!?+'3=!/"!83!)&+!%8)6!9':+!/"!83!(!#)(=+6!(37!)&+!3/*#+!2(#!83!(!#)889!#8!;(*!?+9826!(37!0$!#'#)+*!2(#!8;;!)8!)&+!#'7+!#80+2&+*+6!#'))'3=!9826!)(9:'3=!7+9'?+*()+9$!)8!)&+!3/*#+!(?8/)!0$!#')/()'836!)*$'3=!)8!=+)!0+!(70'))+7-!G&+!"#$%&'()*'#)6!)&'#!)8)(99$!'3(""*8"*'()+!280(3!2&8!:++"#!'3!&+*!8;;'%+!(!@89'()&!8;!(!78=!)&()!0(:+#!0+!#3++V+6!)&()!0(:+#!0+!+7=$6!)&'#!78%)8*!2&8!='D+#!0$!08)&+*!())')/7+!;8*!(#:'3=!P/+#)'83#!2&+3!2+!&(D+!(3!(""8'3)0+3)!)8=+)&+*!'3!9()+*!2++:#!\OJ+996!3826!';!$8/5*+!=8'3=!)8!(#:!P/+#)'83#6!4!K/#)!7835)!:382!&82!)&'#!%83D+*#()'83! '#! =8'3=! )8! =+)! (3$2&+*+L5]6!2&8!=8+#! ?+&'37!0$!?(%:! (37! )+99#! )&+!&8#"')(9!)8!(70')!0+!#&8/97!4!(""+(*!83!)&+'*!788*#)+"6!&(7!#"8:+3!)8!0$!#'#)+*!83!)&+!"&83+!(37!)897!&+*!)8!78!(#!0/%&-!<37!(99!4!*+(99$!*+0+0?+*!8;!)&()!D'#')!'#!)&+!3/*#+!)(9:'3=!)8!0$!#'#)+*6!2&'9+!4!988:+7!(*8/37!)&+!#0(99!*880!()!)&+!%(?'3+)!2')&!)&+!=9(##!;*83)!;/99!8;!0+7'%(9!(*)'%9+#6!)83=/+!7+"*+##8*#!(37!=(/V+6!(99!/#+9+##!')+0#!)8!(!0(3'%6!(37!9(/=&+7!&$#)+*'%(99$!()!#80+!'3)+*3(9!K8:+!839$!7'#%+*3'?9+!)8!0+-!I(/=&+7!#8!&(*7!4!(908#)!%&8:+7-!<37!4!*+0+0?+*!?+'3=!(%/)+9$!+0?(**(##+76!?/)!/3(?9+!)8!#)8"-!G&+!3/*#+!(37!0$!#'#)+*!#)8""+7!)&+'*!%83D+*#()'83!;8*!(!080+3)!)8!988:!/"!()!0+!83!0$!%8)6! (37! )&+3! %83)'3/+7! 2')&! )&+'*! 0/*0/*#-! >80+&826! 4! 2(#! 38)! (70'))+76! ?/)!*+9+(#+7!?(%:!'3)8!0$!9'))9+!#'#)+*5#!&+9"9+##!%(*+-!!

4!*+0+0?+*!)&+!"89'%+!)(:'3=!0+!)8!)&+!&8#"')(9!(38)&+*!)'0+6!?+%(/#+!4!&(7!?++3!%(99'3=! 0$! ?+#)! ;*'+37! .*'%(! 8D+*! (37! 8D+*! (=('36! )&+! "&83+! "'+*%'3=! &+*! 3'=&)!0($?+!)2+3)$!)'0+#!'3!(3!&8/*6!(37!(99!4!2(3)+7!)8!78!2(#!)+99!&+*!&82!(3=*$!4!2(#!()!&+*6!(37!2&8!:382#!;8*!2&()-!U8*!2&()6!4!7835)!:382-!J+!2+*+!?'))+*!;*'+37#-!<37!4!2(#!0(3'%-!>8!#&+!%(99+7!)&+!"89'%+-!G&+!"89'%+!%(0+6!(37!4!"*+)+37+7!4!&(7!

REBECCA EPSTEIN: My last-ditch attempt 45

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

B8#)! 8;! 0$! D'#')#! )8! )&+! &8#"')(9! 4! 7835)! *+0+0?+*-! >80+)'0+#! 450! (70'))+76!08#)9$!38)-!B8#)9$!2&+3!450!(70'))+76! ')5#! 9':+!(!&897'3=!%+996!(!"9(%+!)8!%889!0$!&++9#!2&'9+!)&+!?'"89(*!#&(:+#!')#+9;!988#+6!/3088*#!')#+9;6!)&+!&'3=+#!%*+(:!#&/)!(37!0$! 0'37! %98#+#! ')#+9;! 2')&! (! #'=&-! <37! )&+3! 4! #9++"! ;8*! (! 983=! )'0+6! )&+! 7*/=#!2&'#"+*'3=!)&*8/=&!0$!?9887A?*('3!?(**'+*!(37!&/#&'3=!'3)8!)&+!;897#!8;!0$!=*+$!0())+*-!<37!)&()!'#!2&()!&(""+3#!382-!

!SO THE DOCTOR!"/)!0+!?(%:!83!0+7'%'3+-!

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

46 GriffithREVIEW33

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E+'3=!(!2*')+*!;++9#!#8!=887!)&()!0$!K8'3)#!(*+!#2899+3!2')&!K8$6!?9887!#98#&+#!)&'%:9$!)&*8/=&!0$!D+#'%9+#X!+D+3!2&+3!450!(?#89/)+9$!0'#+*(?9+6!4!=*'3!()!(2:2(*7!080+3)#6!4!)&'3:!450!9/%:$6!450!?9+##+76!450!(A8:($-!<37!#86!2&+3!4!)(:+!#)8%:!8;!0$!#')/()'83!'3!+(*9$!bccd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

4)!2'99!&(D+!)8!78-!E+%(/#+!)&'#!'#!)&+!)&'3=!8;!')1!4!%(338)!?+!(3$!9+##!0+7'%()+7!)&(3!)&'#6!(37!4!%(338)!?+(*!)8!2*')+!(3$!28*#+!)&(3!)&'#-!M+(*+#)!a3'D+*#+6!4!3++7!)&'3=#!)8!#)($!+,(%)9$!9':+!)&'#6!"9+(#+-!W:($N!W:($-/

Rebecca Epstein is a master of fine arts student in non-fiction writing at Iowa State University.

REBECCA EPSTEIN: My last-ditch attempt 47

ESSAY

Adventures of the letter I Reading and writing in the first person

Peter Bishop

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48 GriffithREVIEW33

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PETER BISHOP: Adventures of the letter I 49

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50 GriffithREVIEW33

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PETER BISHOP: Adventures of the letter I 51

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PETER BISHOP: Adventures of the letter I 53

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54 GriffithREVIEW33

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PETER BISHOP: Adventures of the letter I 55

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56 GriffithREVIEW33

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PETER BISHOP: Adventures of the letter I 57

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PETER BISHOP: Adventures of the letter I 59

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Peter Bishop was founding creative director of Varuna, The Writers’ House in the Blue Mountains, 1994–2010. He is now exploring the possibilities of a writing community through a new independent program, The Writer Conversation.

60 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

After the words Writing and living a memoir

Kate Holden

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KATE HOLDEN: After the words 61

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62 GriffithREVIEW33

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KATE HOLDEN: After the words 63

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64 GriffithREVIEW33

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4(!0-+%,!#!6('D,$$+('!9(*!8*$%!D,,1!9(*!&#5,!$+'',.3!E*%!2!.('F%!7,1+,5,!+'!$+'/!('19!+'!6('$6+,'6,!#'.!1,#-'+'A3!4&,!9,#-'+'A!%(!1(5,!#'.!7,!1(5,.!B!%&,!%&,8,!(D!!"#$%&'()*+,!B!+$!(',!(D!%&,!8($%!6(*-#A,(*$!#'.!%,--+D9+'A!A#87+%$!(D!(*-!1+5,$3!E*%!+%!+$!&(0!1+D,!+$!8#.,3!H('A!7,D(-,!%&,!P(8#'%+6!,-#/!%&,!"(,%!4&(8#$!4-#&,-',!$#+./!Ib,5,-!0#$!#'9!%&+'A!+'!%&+$!0(-1.!1(5,.!%((!8*6&3F!2%!+$!0&#%!2!+'$+$%,.!('!7,1+,5+'A!+'!2%#193!E*%/!4-#&,-',!6('%+'*,./!I8#'9!%&+'A$!&#5,!7,,'!1(5,.!+'!#!D#1$,!0#9/!#'.!#11!+'!%((!$&(-%!#!8,#$*-,3F!^',!(D!%&,$,!$%#%,8,'%$!+$!%&,!1,$$('!(D!8,8(+-3!!

!

Kate Holden is the author of In My Skin: A memoir and The Romantic: Italian Nights and Days, both published by Text. Her last story in Griffith REVIEW was ‘Don Quixote in Shanghai’.

KATE HOLDEN: After the words 65

MEMOIR

Not for official use Finding a name

Debra Adelaide

WHEN! "! #$%&!'$(#)*%!+,%*-./!0$0(*#1!!"#$%&'()*$%&'+*##"*,)&! 23%-&(0!4(5/$1!677891!"!:%/!/;#5<=!>?!;@$!<(A$#!(B!;@$!>((=!%/!:$,,!%/!>?!*;/!#$0%#=%>,$!<(-;$-;/C!D@$!&$/*)-! *-<(#E(#%;$/!%! <(E?!(B!%!>*#;@! <$#;*B*<%;$!(B! /*0*,%#!A*-;%)$! ;(!0*-$1! %!&(<50$-;!:@*<@!*/!0(#$!B%0*,*%#!;(!0$!;@%-!%-?!(;@$#!"!@%A$!(:-$&C!

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66 GriffithREVIEW33

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

!THE CHANGE-OF-NAME CERTIFICATE! :%/! =$E;! *-! 0?! B(,&$#! (B! (BB*<*%,!&(<50$-;/1!%,(-)!:*;@!%,,!;@$!(;@$#!&(<50$-;/^!>*#;@!<$#;*B*<%;$1!/<@((,!<$#;*B*<%;$/1!:$&&*-)!<$#;*B*<%;$1!5-*A$#/*;?!&$)#$$/!%-&!;@$-1! ,%;$#1! ;@$!>*#;@!<$#;*B*<%;$/!(B!0?!<@*,&#$-C!"!>$)%-!5/*-)!;@$!-$:!-%0$!/;#%*)@;%:%?1!%-&!>%#$,?!;@(5)@;!%>(5;!;@$!E#(<$//!(B!<@%-)*-)!*;!%)%*-!5-;*,!"!%EE,*$&!B(#!%!E%//E(#;!*-!677RC!!

F?! &*%#?! B(#! ;@$! ,%/;! B$:! &%?/! (B! G(A$0>$#! ;@%;! ?$%#! <(-;%*-/! %! <,5/;$#! (B!%EE(*-;0$-;/!<$-;#$&!(-!;@$!/0%,,!;#*%-),$!(B!P?&-$?!;@%;!*-<,5&$/!;@$!N5/;#%,*%-!S%//E(#;!QBB*<$1!;@$!G$:!P(5;@!]%,$/!3$)*/;#?!(B!+*#;@/1!W$%;@/!%-&!F%##*%)$/1!%-&!;@$!`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

DEBRA ADELAIDE: Not for official use 67

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68 GriffithREVIEW33

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DEBRA ADELAIDE: Not for official use 69

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70 GriffithREVIEW33

P@$!E*<=$&!5E!%!/;%0E1!/,%00$&!*;!&(:-!(-!;@$!<$#;*B*<%;$1!/0*,$&!%-&!@%-&$&!*;!>%<=C!VD@$#$!?(5!)(C!N,,!&(-$!-(:C!4%A$!%!-*<$!&%?C.!

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!THE REGISTRY OF BIRTHS1! W$%;@/! %-&!F%##*%)$/! */! ,(<%;$&! *-! %! /;#$;<@! (B!3$)$-;! P;#$$;! <,(/$! ;(! U$-;#%,! P;%;*(-C! D@$#$! */! -(;@*-)! @$#$! ;(! *0E#(A$! ;@$!/;#$$;/<%E$C!G(!;#$$/1!-(!&$<(#%;*A$!E%A*-)C!G(!,*)@;/1!-(!E(;;$&!E,%-;/C!S$(E,$!&(!-(;!:%,=!>?! B(#!E,$%/5#$1! (#!(-! ;@$*#!:%?! ;(! %-?:@$#$! $,/$!H! #$/;%5#%-;/1! /@(E/1!05/$50/!(#!)%,,$#*$/!H!B(#!;@$#$!*/!-(-$C!D@$#$!%#$!-(!>%#/!(#!<%Bg/C!G$I;!&((#!*/!;@$!,(<%,! (BB*<$! (B! U5#;*-! `-*A$#/*;?1! %! E,%<$! ;@%;! <(5,&! @%#&,?! >$! <%,,$&! %! <%0E5/C!N<#(//! ;@$!#(%&! */!%!0$;@%&(-$!<,*-*<C!D@$!<,(/$/;! ;@*-)! ;(!%;0(/E@$#$! */! ;@$!(,&!0(#;5%#?!/;%;*(-1!(A$#!(-!;@$!#%*,:%?!,*-$C!!

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DEBRA ADELAIDE: Not for official use 71

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

Debra Adelaide (‘the full name of the registered person was previously recorded as Debra Kim Walker’) teaches creative writing at the University of Technology, Sydney. Her latest novel, The Household Guide to Dying (Picador, 2008), has been published worldwide.

72 GriffithREVIEW33

ESSAY

Beyond stigma Musings on the sadness of privacy

Frank Moorhouse

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FRANK MOORHOUSE: Beyond stigma 73

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FRANK MOORHOUSE: Beyond stigma 83

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25 May 2011

Frank Moorhouse’s new novel, Cold Light, will be published in November by Random House. His Griffith REVIEW essay ‘The writer in a time of terror’ won a Victorian Premier’s Literary Award, the PEN-Keneally Prize and a Walkley Award.

84 GriffithREVIEW33

ESSAY

The living subject Warts and all

AJ Brown

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AJ BROWN: The living subject 85

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86 GriffithREVIEW33

7(,8'0-!,3;%'!)2+)!+.'!8(#9,+;2'!-2#$%&!83!Q*+,)-!+.&!+%%0!*+-!)23!"%(."23,B!F(-!9,3+)3-)! (:;+")! "+:3! <,#:! 83(.9! +! ?#("3! <#,! ),+.-;+,3."'! (.! )23! 8'W+.)(.3! %39+%!;,#<3--(#.B!F(-!9,3+)3-)!#;;#.3.)-!*3,3!)2#-3!*2#!&(&!.#)!)2(.A!)23!93.3,+%!;$8%("!"#$%&!3?3,!;,#;3,%'!$.&3,-)+.&!H$&("(+%!&3"(-(#.I:+A(.9>!+.&!)23,3<#,3!-2#$%&!.#)!83!3&$"+)3&!(.!()B!D$)!*23)23,!2#;3%3--%'!"#.-3,?+)(?3!#,!&+.93,#$-%'!;,#9,3--(?3!`#,>!(.!,3+%()'>!8#)2a>!7(,8'!2+&!+!;$8%("!,3-#.+."3!8$(%)!#.!(&3.)(<'(.9!)23!-#"(+%!+.&!;#%()("+%!;,(."(;%3-!+)!)23!23+,)!#<!(:;#,)+.)!%39+%!_$3-)(#.-B!F(-!"+,33,!*+-!8$(%)!#.!2(-!)+%3.)!<#,!%+'(.9!8+,3!)23!(..3,!*#,%&-!#<!%+*'3,->!H$&93-!+.&!%39(-%+)#,-B!@!-:(%3&!*23.!)23!"##$#%&!'()*+,-.,%0-!,3?(3*!#<!/.01,#-!2.+345!6,+,&78#)!9!6+.%0.:-#)!*+-!)()%3&!QC!%(<3!%+(&!8+,30B!@)!*+-!)23!#.%'!*+'!+!8(#9,+;2'!#<!7(,8'!"#$%&!83!-3.-(8%'!+;;,#+"23&B!

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b#2+.!?+.!J%#)3.B!

^.! )23! #)23,! 2+.&>! .#! #.3! 2+&! :+&3! -#! :+.'! ;$8%("! "#::():3.)-! )#! )23!(:;#,)+."3!#<!2$:+.()'!+.&!),+.-;+,3."'!+-!3%3:3.)-!#<!H$&("(+%!%(<3B!c,#:!2(-!,##)-!(.!:(&I*3-)3,.!M'&.3'!+.&!c#,)!M),33)!F(92!M"2##%>!(.),("+)3%'!(.)3,*#?3.!*()2!2(-!#*.! 8,+.&! #<! 3%()(-:>! "+:3! +! %(83,+%! 39+%()+,(+.(-:! )2+)! -+(&! 3?3,'! "()(W3.>! )23!%#*%(3,!)23!83))3,>!2+&!)23!,(92)!)#!_$3-)(#.!+8-#%$)3%'!+.')2(.9B!c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

V?3.!*23.!.#)!8#$.&!8'!3E;,3--!#,!(:;%(3&!"#.&()(#.-!<#,!"#I#;3,+)(#.>!H$&("(+%!8(#9,+;23,-!<+"3!+!-;3"(+%!;,#8%3:B!C-!V&*+,&!12()3!#<!)23!J(,9(.(+!P+*!M"2##%!*,#)3!(.!455d>!)23,3!(-!+%*+'-!)23!<3+,!)2+)!)23!8(#9,+;23,!:+'!Q(<!.#)!-+.()(-3!)23!

AJ BROWN: The living subject 87

-$8H3")>! +)! %3+-)! .#)! %(.93,! #?3,! ;3,-#.+%! (--$3-! )2+)! :(92)! 83! )2#$92)! )#! 83!(."#.-(-)3.)!*()2!)23!(:+93!#<eH$&93-!+-!<(9$,3-!#<!(.)39,()'>!;,#8()'>!+.&!+!"3,)+(.!23,#("!+$-)3,()'0B!L(-"$--(.9!"2+%%3.93-!;#-3&!8'!+!.3?3,I"#:;%3)3&!8(#9,+;2'!#<!)23!<+:#$-!C:3,("+.!H$&93!^%(?3,!13.&3%%!F#%:3->!b,>!12()3!*,#)3\!QD$)!*2#!(-!)#!-+'!)2+)!)23!+--3--:3.)!#<!F#%:3-0-!%(<3!+.&!"+,33,!*#$%&!83!+&?3,-3%'!+<<3")3&!8'!A.#*(.9!)2+)!23!*+->!<#,!+!)(:3>!(.!%#?3!*()2!+!*#:+.!#)23,!)2+.!2(-!*(<3/!C.&!*2#!(-!)#!-+'!)2+)!+!H$&93!+.&!2(-!"%#-3!<#%%#*3,-!-2#$%&!-33A!)#!"#.),#%!)23!;#,),+()!#<!)23!H$&93!#<<3,3&!)#!;#-)3,()'/0!

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

Z+,)!#<!)23!-)#,'0-!;#*3,!*#$%&!83!(.!)3%%(.9!()!+-!-##.!+-!;#--(8%3!+<)3,!23!,3)(,3&!<,#:!)23!F(92!G#$,)>!*23.!.#!+")$+%!%()(9+)(#.!"#$%&!83!+<<3")3&!8$)!;3#;%3!-)(%%!2+&!+!%(?3!:3:#,'!#<!)23!3?3.)-!+.&!(.)3,3-)! (.!)23-3!_$3-)(#.-B!C<)3,!+%%>!*2+)!&7#)!+!:#&3,.!-#"(3)'!*+.)!+.&!3E;3")!<,#:!()-!-3.(#,!H$&93-/!F#*!*3%%!(-!()!&3+%(.9!*()2!"#."3;)(#.-!#<!()-!#*.!(&3.)()'!+.&!"2+%%3.93-!#<!"2+.93/!

D$)!)2(-!:3+.)!)23!"%#"A!*+-!)("A(.9B!N23,3!*+-!+.!+8-$,&!+:#$.)!#<!:+)3,(+%!(.!7(,8'0-! +,"2(?3-B!C.&! +.! (:;#--(8%3! ,+.93! #<! )#;("-! +.&!.$:83,! #<! ;3#;%3!*2#!),+?3,-3&!2(-!:$%)(;%3!;,#<3--(#.+%!%(?3-B!F#*!)#!*,()3!(.!-(E!#,!-3?3.!'3+,-!)23!)';3!#<!8##A!)2+)!),+&()(#.+%%'!)##A!8(#9,+;23,-!)2,33!&3"+&3-!)#!"#:;%3)3>!%#.9!+<)3,!)23!-$8H3")!&(3&/!C.&!&#!-#!*()2!)23!-)#,'!-)(%%!$.<#%&(.9!3?3,'!&+'/!

C;+,)!<,#:!)(:3!+.&!,3-#$,"3->!)23!+.-*3,!%+'!(.!:+A(.9!)23!:#-)!#<!7(,8'0-!"#I#;3,+)(#.>!*2(%3!,3)+(.(.9!3.#$92!&3)+"2:3.)!)#!&#!+!;,#;3,!H#8B!C!"2+%%3.93B!D$)!"#I#;3,+)(#.!(-!?()+%B!1()2#$)!()>!'#$!"+.!;,#&$"3!+!-3,(#$-!%(<3!,3?(3*!#,!",()(_$3!=!-$"2!+-!G2,(-!6+-)3,-0!;7%#)*7<%!`C%%3.!f!X.*(.>!455Oa>!+8#$)!C%+.!b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

88 GriffithREVIEW33

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c,33&#:!g(&3-!#<!RShi=hjB!D$)!$.%(A3!G2+,%3-!Z3,A(.-!#,!b(:!M;(93%:+.>!)23!'#$.9!6("2+3%! 7(,8'>! (.! 2(-! &#$8%3I8,3+-)3&! -$()->! &(&! .#)! +")$+%%'! $.&3,)+A3! Q&(,3")!+")(#.0>! +))3.&!;#%()("+%! ;,#)3-)->! <%#$)! )##!:+.'! %+*-! #,! 93)! 2(:-3%<! +,,3-)3&B!F3!;,#?(&3&! %39+%! ,3;,3-3.)+)(#.! <#,! )2#-3! *2#! &(&! =! +<)3,! )23! 3?3.)B! @)! *+-! +.!(:;#,)+.)!,#%3>!.#)!)#!83!83%())%3&>!8$)!.#)!)23!,#%3!-#:3!%+)3,!-;33"23-!(:;%(3&B!

F3,3!*+-!+!-%(?3,!#<!)23!7(,8'!;+,+&#E!=!2+;;'!)#!;,3-3.)!2(:-3%<>!(.!2(.&-(92)>!+-!+!%())%3!8()!:#,3!&+,(.9!+.&!,+&("+%!)2+.!23!+")$+%%'!*+-B!N2(-!(-!-;%())(.9!2+(,->!7(,8'!&3<3.&3,-!:(92)!-+'B!P3)!)23:!-+'!()B!7(,8'!(-!+!%(?(.9!-$8H3")>!-#!23!"+.!+%-#!&3<3.&!2(:-3%<>!3?3.!)2#$92!)23!8##A!(-! <#,!;#-)3,()'>!+.&!:$-)!83!8+%+."3&!+.&!-"2#%+,%'B!

@.!+.'!3?3.)>!()!(-!#.!8#)2!-:+%%!(--$3-!#<!+""$,+"'>!+-!*3%%!+-!8(993,!#.3->!)2+)!)23!8(#9,+;23,!#<! )23! %(?(.9!-$8H3")!2+-! )#!&3"(&3!*23,3!2(-!;,(:+,'!+%%39(+."3-! %(3B! @!+%*+'-!2+&!+!"%3+,!+.-*3,>!)2+.A-!%+,93%'!)#!2+?(.9!2+&!+!H#$,.+%(-)!<+)23,>!)#!*2#:!@!&3&("+)3&!)23!8##AB!Z3,2+;-!-#:3!8(#9,+;23,-!<,3)>!8$)!@!2+&!)*#!8+-("!;,(."(;%3-!(."$%"+)3&!<,#:!8(,)2\!*2+)!&#3-!)23!,3+&3,!.33&!)#!A.#*!<,#:!)2(-!-)#,'!(.!#,&3,!)#!2+?3!+!,3+%!;(")$,3>!+.&!2#*!(-! )23(,! (.)3,3-)!9#(.9! )#!83!23%&/!M;%())(.9! )23!,(92)!2+(,->!;,#?#A(.9!)23!,(92)!_$3-)(#.>!$-(.9!)23!(."#.9,$()(3-!)#!93)!)23!,3+&3,!(.-(&3!)23! +#,-! -)#,'! #<! +! %(<3!*#,)2! )3%%(.9B! N2(-! (-! )23! 8(#9,+;23,0-! <(,-)! %#'+%)'B!Y#)! )#!;,3-3,?3!#,!3.&#,-3!)23!-$8H3")0-!,3;$)+)(#.>!.#,!)23!;,+(-3-!#<!+&:(,3,-B!

!

AJ BROWN: The living subject 89

WHEN THE PROJECT!-)+,)3&!@!&(&!.#)!"#.)3:;%+)3!-2#*(.9!7(,8'!)23!)3E)!83<#,3!)23!8##A!*+-!;$8%(-23&B!Y#,!&(&!23!3?3,!-$993-)!()B!D$)!)23.!"+:3!+!;(3"3!#<!+&?("3!<,#:!+!9,3+)!-"2#%+,!+.&!"#%%3+9$3>!Z+),("A!13%%3,\!QM2#*!2(:!&,+<)-e&#.0)!;,#:(-3!+.')2(.9>!8$)!()0-!)23!<+-)3-)!*+'!)#!"23"A!<+")->!93)!+!,3+")(#.!+.&!"$)!)#!)23!"2+-3B0!C!;,#;3,! H#$,.+%(-)0-! (.-)(.")>!:+,,(3&! )#! )23!6+,E(+.!&(+%3")("\!&#.0)!83+)!+,#$.&! )23!8$-2B!@<!'#$!+,3!"#.<(&3.)!+.&!*+.)!)#!83!",()("+%>!2#*!83))3,!)#!)3-)!+.&!-2#,3!$;!'#$,!;#-()(#.!)2+.!8'!3E;#-(.9!()!)#!)23!;3,-#.!:#-)!%(A3%'!)#!,3+")!+9+(.-)!()/!

D$)!(<!23!&(&.0)!%(A3!()>!*#$%&!23!A33;!"#I#;3,+)(.9/!N2(-!*+-!6("2+3%!7(,8'>!+!:+.!,(92)%'!,3.#*.3&!<#,!2(-!93.3,#-()'>!-#!)23!+.-*3,!*+-!;,#8+8%'!'3-B!D$)!3?3.!7(,8'! (-! 2$:+.B!C)! )23! ?3,'! %3+-)>! )23,3!*3,3! 3%3:3.)-! #<! <+:(%'! 2(-)#,'!*2#-3!+""$,+"'!#.%'!23!+.&!#)23,!<+:(%'!:3:83,-!"#$%&!;,#;3,%'!"23"AB!M#!@!&3"(&3&!)#!-)+,)!*()2! )2#-3! -3")(#.->! +! <3*!:#.)2-! +<)3,! 23! ,3)(,3&! <,#:! )23! F(92! G#$,)! (.!c38,$+,'!455SB!!

F3!;,#:(-3&!#.%'!<+")$+%!"#,,3")(#.-k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90 GriffithREVIEW33

!

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

!WHAT WOULD OTHERS!&3"(&3/!C-!)23!8##A!:+&3!()-!*+'!(.)#!)23!*#,%&>!(.!3+,%'!45RR>!3,,#.3#$-!+--$:;)(#.-! )2+)! )2(-!*+-!6("2+3%!7(,8'0-! -)#,'>!+!:3:#(,!+.&!.#)!+!8(#9,+;2'!+)!+%%>!83"+:3!:'!9,3+)3-)!<3+,B!M#:3!8##A-2#;-!;,3-3.)3&!()!)2(-!*+'>!9,+-;(.9!)23!%(?(.9!-$8H3")0-!<+:3!+-!:#-)!(:;#,)+.)!)#!-3%%(.9!8##A-B!Q^2>!()0-!)23!"#I+$)2#,>0!#.3!+&:(,3,!9,33)3&!:3!(..#"3.)%'B!@!-*+%%#*3&!<$,'!+.&!;,(&3!83<#,3!3E;%+(.(.9!)23!),$)2!=!*2("2!;3,-$+&3&!23,!)#!8$'!)23!8##AB!

@! "#$%&! %(?3! *()2! )2(->! ;,#?(&3&! )23! 8##A! -)(%%! 2+&! ()-! (.)3.&3&! 3<<3")B! g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

N23!+&?+.)+93!#<!)2(-!%(?(.9!-$8H3")!=!+%:#-)!%+,93,!)2+.!%(<3!=!*+-!)#!;,#&$"3!+!8(#9,+;2'!)2+)!*+-!.#)!-(:;%'!2(-)#,("+%>!)#!9(?3!:3+.(.9!)#!&+'-!9#.3!8'>!8$)!)#!&3:#.-),+)3!)2+)!2(-)#,'!(-!+%(?3!.#*>!)2+)!*3!+,3!+%%!:+A(.9!()!.#*>!+.&!)#!$-3!)23!"$,,3."'!#<!()-!)23:3-!)#!23%;!#)23,-!,3<%3")!+.&!<(.&!)23(,!#*.!%#.93,I)3,:!?(3*!#<!*2+)!(-!2+;;3.(.9!.#*>!+-!*3!-),$99%3!)#!+"2(3?3!#$,!#<)I-)+)3&!+(:!#<!83"#:(.9!+!:#,3!&3:#",+)("!+.&!:#,3!+""#$.)+8%3>!#;3.!+.&!)#%3,+.)>!<+(,3,!-#"(3)'B!

b#2.!g()"2(3>!+!<#,:3,!93.3,+%!3&()#,!#<!)23!'()*+,-.,%[email protected]*.7%,+4!7>!A.7B+,:14>!#."3!&3-",(83&!)23!8(#9,+;23,!+-!Q%(A3!+.!+,"2+3#%#9(-)>!(.<3,,(.9!<,#:!<,+9:3.)-BBB!N2+)!-2#$%&!.#)!&3)3,!$-B!L#.0)!-3+,"2!<#,![,+.&!N23#,(3-!#<!F$:+.!D32+?(#$,B![3)!#.!*()2! )3%%(.9! )23!-)#,'B!Z,+")(-3!8(#9,+;2'!,+)23,! )2+.!;,3+"2(.9!#,!;2(%#-#;2(-(.9!+8#$)!()B!D'!,3-#%$)3!+.&!&#993&!-)3;-!+*+,3.3--!"+.!83!*#.B0!

D$)!)23!8(#9,+;23,!#<!)23!%(?(.9!-$8H3")!+%-#!2+-!-;3"(+%!+&?+.)+93-\!23!(-!.#)!H$-)!+.!+,"2+3#%#9(-)>!8$)!+.!+.)2,#;#%#9(-)>!+! -#"(#%#9(-)>!+!;#%()("+%! -"(3.)(-)!+.&>! H$-)!%(A3! -#:3! H$&93-! )23:-3%?3->! +.! +")(?(-)B! 12(%3! &3;%#'(.9! +%%! )23! 83-)! -"2#%+,%'!:3)2#&->!23!"+.!*#,A!*()2!:#,3!)2+.!<,+9:3.)->!+.&!;,3-3.)!+!%(<3!-)#,'!)2+)!(-!8#)2!!

AJ BROWN: The living subject 91

;+-)!+.&!;,3-3.)>!)#!"#%%(&3!*()2!)23!-#"(3)'!+,#$.&!()B!C!-3,?+.)!#<!2(-)#,'!+.&!)23!,3+&3,>!8$)!+%-#!+.!+,"2()3")B!@<!23!"2##-3-!)#!-33!()>!23!(-!2(-!#*.!*+,,(#,!#<!(&3+->!&3?(-(.9!*2("2!;(3"3-!#<!-2,+;.3%!:(92)!8#$."3!#<<!)23!-)#,'!(.)#!"$,,3.)!+.&!<$)$,3!&38+)3->! )23! ;#(.)! -#:3)(:3-! :+&3! #8?(#$-! )2,#$92! )23! 3'3-! #<! )23! "2+,+")3,->!-#:3)(:3-!(.!+%:#-)!$.&3)3")+8%3!-%(?3,-B!

c#,)$.+)3%'>! )23! ,3-$%)!*#,A3&>!#,!+)! %3+-)! -#! ()! +;;3+,-B!V?3.!+-!7(,8'!23%;3&!%+$."2!)23!8##A>!(.!)*#!&(<<3,3.)!"()(3->!8#)2!#<<("(+%!%+$."23,-!=!6+%"#%:!N$,.8$%%!+.&!6("2+3%!P+?+,"2!=!-33:3&!93.$(.3%'!(.),(9$3&!+8#$)!2#*!@!9#)!+*+'!*()2!()B!@.!)23! C,%3#++,! D.?#)! +! %#.9I)3,:!*+)"23,! #<! ;#%()("-! +.&! )23! %+*>! b+"A!1+)3,<#,&>!"#::3.)3&! #.! )23! $.$-$+%! -(92)! #<! +! %(?(.9! -$8H3")! (.&$%9(.9! &33;%'! (.! )23!;,#:#)(#.!#<!+!8(#9,+;2'!#?3,!*2("2!23!2+&!.#!"#.),#%\!Q7(,8'!H#(.3&!)23!;$8%("()'!,#+&-2#*e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

D$)!<#,!)23!-)#,'!)#!+"2(3?3!+.'!#<!()-!+(:->!()!+8#?3!+%%!2+&!)#!,3?3+%!+!+#,-!%(<3B!@!*+()3&!<#,!)23!:+9("!*#,&->!+.&!)23.!)23'!"+:3\!g("2+,&!C"A%+.&>!(.!)23!E4&%#4!/7+%.%B! F#+,-&>! &3-",(83&! )23! 8(#9,+;2'! 93.3,#$-%'>! +.&! <(.+%%'>! +.&! :#,3!(:;#,)+.)%'>!+-!Q*+,)-!+.&!+%%0B!

AJ Brown is John F Kearney Professor of Public Law at Griffith University. His most recent book is Michael Kirby: Paradoxes & Principles (Federation Press, 2011), but he also works on other more cost-effective projects. His previous Griffith REVIEW articles are ‘When the whistle is blown’ and ‘The states we’re in’.

92 GriffithREVIEW33

POEM

Heart’s dream Sandra Goldbloom Zurbo

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Sandra Goldbloom Zurbo is a Melbourne author, freelance editor and proofreader. Her novel, The Book of Rachel, was published by Allen & Unwin in 1998; her short stories have been published in various literary magazines.

SANDRA GOLDBLOOM ZURBO: Heart’s dream 93

MEMOIR

The cigar box Opening the treasure trove of memory

Marion Halligan

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94 GriffithREVIEW33

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MARION HALLIGAN: The cigar box 95

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96 GriffithREVIEW33

6%4!9/(&,!I/))0A&!-';*5,%(&4!,5/+=!/&!6#+-%(9;)7!G&.%3/'))0!'&!+%6!I/))/%A&!1#,5%(!/+!Z;")/+!35#&%!,5%!+'1%!6/,5#;,!(%')/&/+*!/,&!.(#<%+'+3%7!E5%!&'/-!,#!5%(!5;&"'+-@!>5',!-#!0#;!,5/+=!#9!I/))/%a!B+-!5%!&'/-@!K(%',D!,5',A&!10!*('++0A&!+'1%7!85%(%!'(%! ,6%+,0!0%'(&!"%,6%%+! ,5%! 35/)-A&! "/(,5! '+-! ,5%!*('++0A&!-%',54! ";,!6%!-#+A,!9#(*%,!5%(7!E#1%,/1%&!10!&/&,%(&!'+-!?!,')=!'"#;,!I/))04!65/35!/&!65',!6%!3'))%-!#;(!1#,5%(!/+!)',%(!0%'(&4!+#,!(%')/&/+*!/,!1/*5,!+#,!"%!3)%'(!65/35!#+%!6%!1%'+7!

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MARION HALLIGAN: The cigar box 97

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98 GriffithREVIEW33

,5%!*(#;+-!'+-!9#;+-!&#1%!1#(%4!";,!+#,!'))D!?!=+%6!%+#;*5!'"#;,!+;1"%(&!,#!&%%!,5',!?!-/-!+#,!5'<%!+%'()0!%+#;*5!,#!1'=%!;.!,5%!)%+*,5!#9!,5%!+%3=)'3%7!?!*#,!5#,!'+-!"#,5%(%-!'+-!6#((/%-7!?!-/-+A,!5'<%!'+0,5/+*!,#!.;,!,5%1!/+7!?!3);,35%-!,5%1!/+!10! 5'+-! '+-! 65%+! ?! *#,! ,#! ,5%! .'(,0! 5'+-%-! ,5%1! ,#! 10! 5#&,%&&! 6/,5! &#1%!/+3#5%(%+,!&,#(07!?!-/-+A,!%+2#0!10&%)9!',!'))7!

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!THE PHOTOS OF!10!1#,5%(!6/,5!10!9',5%(!'+-!e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MARION HALLIGAN: The cigar box 99

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!VIOLET’S FIRST DAUGHTER! *#,! 1'((/%-! &5#(,)0! '9,%(! ?! -/-7! E5%! 6'&!3#+&/-%('")0!#)-%(!,5'+!1%4!&#!/,!6'&!'!)',%!1'((/'*%7!O+%!#9!,5%!3)/../+*&!/+!,5%!3/*'(!"#$! /&! ,5%!'++#;+3%1%+,!#9!5%(!%+*'*%1%+,4!<%(0!.)%'&/+*! 9#(!5%(!"%3';&%!

100 GriffithREVIEW33

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MARION HALLIGAN: The cigar box 101

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102 GriffithREVIEW33

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Marion Halligan AM is an award-winning novelist, essayist and short-story writer. She has been shortlisted for the Dublin IMPAC Prize, the Miles Franklin Award and the Nita B Kibble Award. Her books, published by Allen & Unwin, include Taste of Memory (2004) and Valley of Grace (2009), and her new novel is Shooting the Fox.

MARION HALLIGAN: The cigar box 103

MEMOIR

My mother and me A reacquaintance

Anna Dorrington

FOR!"!#$%&!'()*!+!,$-#.!%$'!)"/*!-0!)1!)(%.!23*4*!"%.!23*%!'$!5'"4'!)1!5'$416!7-'!*8*%'-"##1!+!.*,(.*.!'$!7*&(%!(%!'3*!)(..#*9!!

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104 GriffithREVIEW33

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ANNA DORRINGTON: My mother and me 105

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!MY SECOND BROTHER!2"5!'3*!>&$#.*%!7$1A9!;('3$-'!)1!<"'3*4!3*!2"5!'3*!$%*!23$!3*#0*.!)$'3*4!,$0*!71!4*(&%(%&!$8*4!-59!B*!)".*!-5!5-<<*49!B*!.*,(.*.!3$2!)-,3!2**/#1!0$,/*'!)$%*1!3(5! #(''#*!5(5'*45!&$'6!.*0*%.(%&!$%!3$2!2*##!2*!3".!.$%*!$-4!3$-5*3$#.!,3$4*59! >B$2!)-,3!.$!+!&*'! '3(5!2**/C!+! '3(%/!+!.(.!)1!R$7!4*"##1!2*##6A!+!2$-#.!5"19!B*!2$-#.!'3(%/!"!#(''#*!23(#*!"%.!.*,(.*!3$2!)-,3!'3*!2$4/!2"5!2$4'39!+'!'$$/!)*!1*"45!'$!$8*4,$)*!)1!.*<*4*%,*!'$!)*%9!

E3*!#$55!$<!5*#<G*5'**)!*I0*4(*%,*.!71!2$)*%!23$!3"8*!7**%!4"0*.!(5!"!2*##G/%$2%!03*%$)*%$%6!"%.!(%!)1!)$'3*4A5!,"5*!('!(5!$78($-5!'$!)*!%$26!*50*,("##1!23*%!+! 4*,"##! '3*!5#**0(%&!"44"%&*)*%'5! (%!$-4!5*,$%.!3$)*9!E3*!3$-5*!2"5! '3*!)(..#*!$%*!$<! '34**! '*44",*5F! ('! 3".! <$-4! #*8*#59!E3*!$#.*4! ,3(#.4*%6! "##! 7$156!3".!5-%%1!7*.4$$)5!-05'"(456!2('3!"'!)$5'!'2$!'$!"!4$$)9!?1!)$'3*46!)1!#(''#*!5(5'*4!"%.!+!53"4*.!'3*!,*##"46!23*4*!'3*!'34**!$<!-5!5#*0'!(%!"!.$-7#*!7*.9!+!3"8*!7*&-%!'$!-%.*45'"%.! '3*! #$55! $<! 5*#<G2$4'3! )1! )$'3*4! )-5'! 3"8*! *%.-4*.! '$! "##$2! '3(5!5('-"'($%9!+!'41!'$!5#(0!(%'$!3*4!)$$.!$<!.*50"(4!7-'!'*"45!5'$0!)*9!B$2!,$-#.!53*!3"8*!7**%!5$!5-75*48(*%'!'$!)1!74$'3*45C!;31!.(.!53*!%$'!0-'!)$4*!()0$4'"%,*!$%!3"8(%&!3*4!$2%!50",*C!+!,"%%$'!4*5(5'!'3*!()"&*41!$<!"!#(<*!'3"'!5'"4'*.!3(&36!2('3!",".*)(,!5-,,*556!7-'!.*5,*%.*.!'$!"!."4/!7"5*)*%'9!

106 GriffithREVIEW33

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Anna Dorrington lives in northern New South Wales, and last year completed an honours degree in visual arts at Southern Cross University. For it she created an installation using the tools of print, 3D, assemblage and video to address the emotional highs and lows of getting to know her mother again.

ANNA DORRINGTON: My mother and me 107

ESSAY

Beyond truth and justice The path to healing

Maria Tumarkin

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108 GriffithREVIEW33

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$A FEW YEARS$)%!#($L&=&/!+$1-'+2"#!$S+*-')$(+/#$!+$"-/$%##!$)!$"-/$=()';%)!"#(./$%&'#()*3$!"#$=()';/+'$+%$)'+!"#($;#);$=#'#()*$P$+%$)$;#);$0#'#()*-//-5&/3$-'$%)2!$P$A)/$/&-'=$%+($;#%)5)!-+'?$a#>=#'B$4b"&=)/">-*-3$M!)*-'./$=()';/+'3$A)/$2*)-5-'=$!")!$!"#$[&//-)'$'#A/D)D#(!,-.'/'!%'0$1'$V%+($A"-2"$!"#$5&(;#(#;$\+&(')*-/!$L'')$1+*-!C+>/CB)$ ");$ A+(C#;W$ /"+&*;$ 6#$ "#*;$ )22+&'!)6*#$ %+($ -!/$ 2*)-5/$ !")!$ "-/$=()';%)!"#($ A)/$ )$ 5)//$ 5&(;#(#(?$ a#>=#'B$ 4b"&=)/">-*-$ !+*;$ \+&(')*-/!/$ "#$ %#*!$2+5D#**#;$ !+$ -'!#(>#'#$ 6#2)&/#$ "-/$ =()';%)!"#($ V'+!$ &'*-C#$ !"#$ =()';%)!"#($ +%$L&=&/!+$ 1-'+2"#!$ S+*-')W$ 2+&*;$ '+!$ X;#%#';$ "-5/#*%$ %(+5$ "-/$ =()>#.?$ E'$ ,)D!)-'$S+*-')./$ /D##2"$ )!$ "-/$ =()';%)!"#(./$ %&'#()*3$ "#$ *)&;#;$ "-/$ =()';%)!"#(./$ >-2!+(B$+>#($ !"#$ S)(N-/!$ !+!)*-!)(-)'-/5$ +%$ !"#$ C-';$ a#>=#'B$ 4b"&=)/">-*-./$ =()';%)!"#($");$ !)C#'$ !+$ -!/$ )D+!"#+/-/3$ B#!$ /+5#"+A3$ !A+$ =#'#()!-+'/$ ;+A'3$ L&=&/!+$ )';$a#>=#'B$%+&';$!"#5/#*>#/$+'$!"#$/)5#$/-;#$+%$!"#$6)((-2);#/?$$

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MARIA TUMARKIN: Beyond truth and justice 109

e>#'$ !"+&="$ !"#$ !A#'!-#!"G2#'!&(B$ ;-2!)!+(/$ 5)B$ /##5$ *-C#$ ="+/!/$ !+$ &/$ '+A3$%)(2-2)*$5+(#$!")'$;)'=#(+&/3$/");+AB$5+(#$!")'$(#)*3$!"#-($=()';/+'/$D+-'!$!+$)$D#2&*-)($"-/!+(-2)*$2+';-!-+'$+%$+&($!-5#?$]&(/$-/$)$A+(*;$A"#(#$!"#$&'()>#**-'=$+%$!A#'!-#!"G2#'!&(B$!+!)*-!)(-)'$(#=-5#/$-'$e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110 GriffithREVIEW33

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MARIA TUMARKIN: Beyond truth and justice 111

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E'$=-&+1(/!->!3/!:?&55$ V[)';+5$Y+&/#3$HIIhW3$A"-2"$2"(+'-2*#;$M+&!"$L%(-2)./$R(&!"$ )';$ [#2+'2-*-)!-+'$ ,+55-//-+'3$ L'!\-#$i(+=$ %)5+&/*B$ A(+!#3$ XE!$ ;+#/'.!$5)!!#($A")!$A#$;+?$@")!$4#$i*#(C$;+#/?$_'!-*$!"#$!"-(;$)';$!"#$%+&(!"$=#'#()!-+'.$P$-'$+!"#($A+(;/3$&'!-*$!"#$*->-'=$5#5+(B$-/$'+$5+(#?$@#$5)B$)=(##$+($;-/)=(##$A-!"$4+(%5)'$ )';$ i(+=3$ 6&!$ !"#(#$ -/$ )$ D(+%+&';$ D+-'!$ -'$ A")!$ !"#B$ )(#$ /)B-'=$ !")!$/"+&*;$ '+!$ 6#$ 5-//#;?$ R"#$ -((#2+'2-*)6-*-!B$ +%$ 5#5+(-#/$ )';$ #ND#(-#'2#/$ -'$ D+/!G=#'+2-;)*$)';$D+/!G!+!)*-!)(-)'$/+2-#!-#/$2)'3$!"#B$!#**$&/3$+'*B$6#$A)-!#;$+&!?$E%$A#$)(#$"+'#/!$A-!"$+&(/#*>#/3$A#$2)'$+'*B$2+&'!$+'$!-5#?$

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112 GriffithREVIEW33

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MARIA TUMARKIN: Beyond truth and justice 113

V>-2!-5/3$D#(D#!()!+(/3$A-!'#//#/W?$a#!3$-%$A#$%+**+A$L(-#*$4+(%5)'3$A#$A-**$/!&56*#$+'$)$/-5D*#$!(&!"Q$%)5-*B$-/$A"#(#$A#$'##;$!+$*++C$-%$A#$)(#$!+$&';#(/!)';$!"#$*+'=G!#(5$*#=)2B$+%$!+!)*-!)(-)'-/5$)';$2+*+'-)*-/53$-%$A#$)(#$!+$!"#+(-/#$D+//-6-*-!-#/$+%$\&/!-2#3$5#5+(B$)';$(#2+'2-*-)!-+'$-'$D+/!G!+!)*-!)(-)'$)';$D+/!2+*+'-)*$/+2-#!-#/?$

R"-/$ -/$ A")!$ ")DD#'#;$ -'$ 0#(5)'B$ )%!#($ @+(*;$ @)($ EE?$ R"#(#3$ +>#($ !-5#3$ !"#$-'!#'/#$ ;#6)!#/$ )6+&!$ -'!#(=#'#()!-+')*$ 2+5D*-2-!B$ )';$ =&-*!$ (#/&*!#;$ -'$ A")!$e*-b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

Maria Tumarkin was born in the former Soviet Union and migrated with her Russian-Jewish family to Australia in 1989. She lives in Melbourne with her two children, and is the author of Traumascapes (2005), Courage (2007) and Otherland (2010), all published by MUP. Her previous Griffith REVIEW pieces are ‘Life in translation’ and ‘From an unconscious state’.

114 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

Nine-eleven-itis Crossing the borders of belonging

Shakira Hussein

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SHAKIRA HUSSEIN: Nine-eleven-itis 115

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116 GriffithREVIEW33

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SHAKIRA HUSSEIN: Nine-eleven-itis 117

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118 GriffithREVIEW33

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SHAKIRA HUSSEIN: Nine-eleven-itis 119

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120 GriffithREVIEW33

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122 GriffithREVIEW33

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SHAKIRA HUSSEIN: Nine-eleven-itis 123

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124 GriffithREVIEW33

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SHAKIRA HUSSEIN: Nine-eleven-itis 125

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Shakira Hussein is undertaking a postdoctoral fellowship on Muslim women, gendered violence and racialised political discourse at the Asia Institute, University of Melbourne.

126 GriffithREVIEW33

REPORTAGE

The blind side Deciding what to tell

Matthew Ricketson

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MATTHEW RICKETSON: The blind side 127

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128 GriffithREVIEW33

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MATTHEW RICKETSON: The blind side 129

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130 GriffithREVIEW33

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MATTHEW RICKETSON: The blind side 131

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!

!

Matthew Ricketson is a journalist and a professor of journalism at the University of Canberra. His article ‘Born to win, with a little help’ was published in Griffith REVIEW 4: Making Perfect Bodies, and was included in The Best Australian Sports Writing 2004.

132 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

Going to Washington, DC Crying for Oscar Grant III

Melody L Fuller

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MELODY L FULLER: Going to Washington, DC 133

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136 GriffithREVIEW33

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MELODY L FULLER: Going to Washington, DC 137

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138 GriffithREVIEW33

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MELODY L FULLER: Going to Washington, DC 139

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!

Melody L Fuller is a master of fine arts student at Stonecoast, in Maine. She is working on a memoir entitled ‘One Suitcase Now: A Woman’s Travel Confessions and Recollections’.

140 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

The true history of the Circus Bluff, lies and feats of skill

David Carlin

IF!"!#$!%&!'()%*!%+*!%(,*!+)-%&(.!&/!%+*!0)(1,-2!"!$,-%!-%#(%!3.!%*44)56!.&,!+&'!$.!6)(4/()*57! (#5! &//! ')%+! %+*! -)4*5%! 14&'58! 9:#(;&<=! '*! 1#44*7! &,%! %&! +)$! #1(&--! %+*!3&(7*(!/(&$!>&,%+!?,-%(#4)#2!$.!4&.#4!/()*57-!5,(-)56!$.!*6&8!!

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DAVID CARLIN: The true history of the Circus 141

THE TRUE HISTORY!&/!%+)-!1)(1,-2!'+)1+!#%!)%-!)51*;%)&5!'#-!6)A*5!%+*!-,)%#34.!#$3)%)&,-!5#$*!0)(1,-!?,-%(#4)#!F!&(2!$&(*!/#$&,-4.2!0)(1,-!MN!/&(!-+&(%!F!-+&,47!#4-&!1&5%#)5!#!-1*5*!/(&$!>&,%+!?$*()1#8!"5!/#1%2!%+*(*!-+&,47!3*!$#5.8!M5*!%+#%!%+*!0)(1,-!)%-*4/!4&A*-!%&!(*$*$3*(2!/&(!)%-!$#6)1#4!(*#4)-%!1&55&%#%)&5-!#-!$,1+!#-!#5.!&%+*(! (*#-&52! )5A&4A*-! ;*(/&($)56! #%! %+*! 4*6*57#(.! 64#--! &;*(#! +&,-*! )5! %+*!C(#N)4)#5!L,564*!#%!0,()%)3#8!?5&%+*(!)-!#!-1*5*!#%!#!0&4&$3)#5!#)(;&(%2!)5!'+)1+!#!1*(%#)5!0)(1,-!MN!;*(/&($*(!$#5#6*7!%&!;*(-,#7*!%+*!#)(4)5*!14*(G!%&!4*%!+)$!1+*1G!)5!,;'#(7-!&/! /)/%.!3#6-!&/! 4,66#6*!F! %+*! %&%#4!3*4&56)56-!&/!+)-!5*'!0&4&$3)#5!/)#51O*!F!')%+&,%!;#.)56!#5!*J1*--!3#66#6*!/**8!@+)-!4#%%*(!%#4*!$#.2!"!-,-;*1%2!+#A*!3*1&$*!*J#66*(#%*7!)5!%+*!%*44)562!3,%!)5!#!1)(1,-!.&,!1#5!5*A*(!%*442!#/%*(!#442!'+)1+!%()1G-!#(*!/*#%-!&/!-G)44!%+#%!%#G*!.*#(-!%&!$#-%*(!#57!'+)1+!#(*!34,//!#57!4)*-8!

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142 GriffithREVIEW33

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DAVID CARLIN: The true history of the Circus 143

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144 GriffithREVIEW33

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DAVID CARLIN: The true history of the Circus 145

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146 GriffithREVIEW33

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"!')44!(*;&(%!3#1G8!!!!!!

David Carlin teaches creative writing at RMIT University and is the author of Our Father Who Wasn’t There (Scribe, 2010).

DAVID CARLIN: The true history of the Circus 147

MEMOIR

The veiled bride From Nazi Germany to Bondi, via Shanghai

Carolijn Visser Translated by David Colmer

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148 GriffithREVIEW33

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CAROLIJN VISSER: The veiled bride 149

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150 GriffithREVIEW33

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CAROLIJN VISSER: The veiled bride 151

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152 GriffithREVIEW33

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CAROLIJN VISSER: The veiled bride 153

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154 GriffithREVIEW33

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CAROLIJN VISSER: The veiled bride 155

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156 GriffithREVIEW33

G)/&=%$$;!?'!".,2U"!1%2+%,$"!*)/)!2/)2%/)5!+'!+%4)!.,=!'$!3'%/5!%$5!+.)!G/,+,".!%(+.'/,+,)"!%3"'-(+)-#!/)6(")5!+'!%--'*!.,=!+'!"+%#;!<.)#!.%5!3))$!%+!+.)!P)$,$"(-%!6'/!='/)! +.%$!%!#)%/!*.)$!`/!7+/),=)/!=)+! +.)! 1%2+%,$!'6! +.)!9*#:#2;;!T)!*%"!*,--,$&!+'!/,"4!,+8!'$!+.)!1'$5,+,'$!+.%+!`/!7+/),=)/!%11)2+)5!%--!/)"2'$",3,-,+#!6'/!.,"!2%+,)$+;!

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CAROLIJN VISSER: The veiled bride 157

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158 GriffithREVIEW33

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CAROLIJN VISSER: The veiled bride 159

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Bettina Streimer died on August 2010.

Carolijn Visser originally wrote this in Dutch, in Miss Concordia: Women Around the World (Amsterdam, 2006). Her memoir ‘Food and prayer’ was published in Griffith REVIEW 27: Food Chain.

David Colmer is an Australian writer and translator based in Amsterdam. He won the 2009 NSW Premier’s Translation Prize for his body of work and in 2010 his translation of Gerbrand Bakker’s The Twin won the prestigious IMPAC Dublin Literary Award.

This translation was supported by the Dutch Foundation for Literature.

160 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

Never stop looking Photographing the dead and dying

Virginia Lloyd

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VIRGINIA LLOYD: Never stop looking 161

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162 GriffithREVIEW33

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VIRGINIA LLOYD: Never stop looking 163

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166 GriffithREVIEW33

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Virginia Lloyd is a columnist and freelance writer who mentors memoir writers. She is the author of The Young Widow’s Book of Home Improvement (UQP, 2008), which was excerpted in Griffith REVIEW 17: Staying Alive.

VIRGINIA LLOYD: Never stop looking 167

MEMOIR

Denzil Father to the man

Brian Geach

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168 GriffithREVIEW33

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BRIAN GEACH: Denzil 169

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BRIAN GEACH: Denzil 171

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172 GriffithREVIEW33

=,%*%&-%!$B!#4!B"'(%,!"&)!"88!'($*%!4$3&.!#%&!A($!*3BB%,%)!"&)!)/%)!$&!'(/*!*=$'2!<!B%88!'$!#4!7&%%*!$&!'(%!B,$*'5(",)%&%)!%",'(!"&)!-,/%)!/&-$&*$8"6840!

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!‘ARE YOU OKAY?’!#4!A/B%!*"4*0!D(%!'$3-(%*!#4!",#2!A$,,/%)0!9N$&+'!'(/&7!'$$!#3-(!"6$3'!/'0!X$3!&%%)!'$!6%!*',$&.!'$)"40!X$3+88!6%!"88!,/.('0!X$3!"8A"4*!",%0+!

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BRIAN GEACH: Denzil 173

!MY MOTHER DIED! $&! ]^! E=,/8! _`]`2! ".%)! &/&%'45$&%2! (%,! 6$)4! "&)! #/&)!,";".%)0!D(%!A%/.(%)!a`!7/8$.,"#*0!?;%&!(%,!&"==4!A$38)&+'!B/'!(%,0!

D(%!A"&'%)!'$!)/%0!@%!A"&'%)!(%,!'$!)/%0!U$,!"!4%",!$,!*$!6%B$,%!'(%!)%#%&'/"!'$$7!"A"4!(%,!3&)%,*'"&)/&.2!*(%!A$38)!=$/&'!$3'!B,"/8!"&)!)/#/&/*(%)!="'/%&'*!/&!'(%!&3,*/&.!($#%0!9N$&+'!4$3!%;%,!8%'!#%!.%'!8/7%!'("'2+!*(%!A$38)!*"4L!63'!A%!)/)2!A"'-(/&.!(%,!)%'%,/$,"'%!A/'($3'!)/.&/'42!A/'($3'!($=%0!

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<+)!&%;%,!=8"&&%)!"!B3&%,"8!6%B$,%!"&)!'(%!=,$*=%-'!B/88%)!#%!A/'(!),%")2!63'!#4!*/*'%,!"&)!<!&%.$'/"'%)!'(%!",-"&%!,/'3"8*2!7&$A/&.!'("'!-%,'"/&!'(/&.*!&%%)%)!'$!6%!)$&%0!@%!#%'!A/'(!'(%!3&)%,'"7%,!V!$,!6%,%";%#%&'!-$&*38'"&'2!"*!'(%4!&$A!=,%B%,!'$!6%!-"88%)!V!"&)!;/%A%)!$3,!#$'(%,+*!A"J%&!-$,=*%2!-$/BB%)!"&)!'/)/%)!/&!"!*"'/&58/&%)!-$BB/&0!<!7/**%)!#4!#$'(%,+*!-$8)!B$,%(%")!"&)!(%8)!#4!*/*'%,+*!("&)0!

<&!'(%!B3&%,"8!($#%+*!-$3,'4",)!"B'%,A",)*!#4!*/*'%,!*($$7!(%,!(%")!"&.,/84!"&)!*"/)!'(,$3.(!'%",*2!9@("'!'(%!B3-7!/*!/'!"88!"6$3'C!<!#%"&2!/*!'("'!/'C+!

!WE WHEEL MY! B"'(%,! /&'$! '(%!-("=%8!"&)! /##%)/"'%84!(%! /*! ',"&*B/J%)!64!#4!#$'(%,+*! =($'$.,"=(! $&! '(%! /&-$&.,3$3*! =8"*#"! M:! *-,%%&! 8$$#/&.! "6$;%! '(%!8%-'%,&0!1%!/.&$,%*!'(%!A(/'%!-$BB/&!-$;%,%)!/&!-,%"#!,$*%*!$&!'(%!-3,'"/&%)!*'".%0!D$#%$&%!-3%*!'(%!#3*/-!"&)!'(%!/#".%*!$&!'(%!*-,%%&!*(3BB8%!'(,$3.(!"&!$,."&/*%)!*%F3%&-%I!#4!#$'(%,!"*!"!*%=/"!*-($$8-(/8)2!6"7/&.!"!-"7%L!"!=$,',"/'!"'!'A%&'45$&%2!)3,/&.!'(%!A",L!"!=($'$.,"=(!$B!(%,!"&)!#4!B"'(%,!$&!"!A/&)*A%='!6%"-(0!

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EB'%,! "! A(/8%! '(%! ,$$#! *'/88*! "&)! '(%! *',"/&*! $B! 9\%,3*"8%#+! B/88! '(%! -("=%80! M(%!-%8%6,"&'!*=%"7*!$B!"!A$#"&!*(%!&%;%,!7&%A0!

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174 GriffithREVIEW33

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BRIAN GEACH: Denzil 175

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Brian Geach’s writing has been published in many newspapers and journals, including The Australian and the New York Review of Books. Based in Sydney, he is an internationally awarded photographer. He gained a master’s in writing from James Cook University in 2010 and is working on a memoir about his relationship with his father.

176 GriffithREVIEW33

POEM

Hospice Laura Jan Shore

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Laura Jan Shore’s second collection of poems, Water over Stone, won the IP Picks Best Poetry Award in 2011 and will be published by IP Press in November. Her first collection was Breathworks (Dangerously Poetic Press, 2002).

LAURA JAN SHORE: Hospice 177

MEMOIR

Family Looking forward, looking back

John Tranter

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178 GriffithREVIEW33

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JOHN TRANTER: Family 179

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180 GriffithREVIEW33

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This piece was commissioned by the Art Gallery of Western Australia, Perth, and the Perth International Arts Festival as a catalogue essay accompanying the exhibition Raised by Wolves.

John Tranter has published more than twenty books of verse. His collection of new and selected poems, Urban Myths: 210 Poems (UQP), won the 2006 Victorian Premier’s award for poetry, the 2007 New South Wales Premier’s award for poetry, and the 2008 South Australian Premier’s awards for poetry and best book. His latest work is Starlight: 150 Poems (UQP, 2010). He is the founding editor of the free internet magazine Jacket (jacketmagazine.com) and the founder of the Australian Poetry Library project (poetrylibrary.edu.au). johntranter.com

JOHN TRANTER: Family 181

MEMOIR

Waking up Counting my blessings

Toni Jordan

‘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

182 GriffithREVIEW33

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!THE PEOPLE WHO!"*7!A$!&/(!=!0'.2%!/"9$!C/-,0#$.!0'.2%!A$".!".(!/"#A1!($%!-%!*%"::$#*! A$<! =%! A"7$*! A$! +$$,! ,-7$! =29$! B$$.! *,"))$01! $9$#(! %-A$1! B4%! -%2*! 0'.$!&-%/'4%!".(!A",-C$!_!-%!E4*%!)'-.%*!'4%!%/"%!A(!)'*-%-'.!'+!A"##-$0!C/-,0,$**.$**!-*!C'.*-0$#$0!".!'00-%(<!!

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TONI JORDAN: Waking up 183

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184 GriffithREVIEW33

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!

TONI JORDAN: Waking up 185

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Toni Jordan’s debut novel, the international bestseller Addition (Text, 2008), was longlisted for the Miles Franklin Literary Award. Her second novel, Fall Girl (Text), was published last year in Australia, and will be published in the UK, Germany, France and Taiwan. Toni teaches creative writing at RMIT University. Her fiction has appeared in Griffith REVIEW 26: Stories for Today.

186 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities

The journey from book to film

Raimond Gaita

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RAIMOND GAITA: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities 187

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188 GriffithREVIEW33

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RAIMOND GAITA: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities 189

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190 GriffithREVIEW33

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RAIMOND GAITA: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities 191

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192 GriffithREVIEW33

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This is an edited extract from After Romulus, which will be published by Text in September. Raimond Gaita’s essay ‘When politicians lie’ was published in Griffith REVIEW 5: Addicted to Celebrity. He is a professorial fellow in the Faculty of Arts, University of Melbourne, and emeritus professor of moral philosophy at King’s College, London.

RAIMOND GAITA: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities 193

MEMOIR

Child’s play The biggest Sherbet fans ever

Meera Atkinson

In  memory  of  Harvey.  Dedicated  to  Donna.    

IN  1977,  on  a  windy  summer  day,  two  thirteen-­‐‑year-­‐‑olds  walked  into  a  milk  bar  on  Sydney’s  Broadway  and,  as  they  often  did,  struck  up  a  conversation  with  a  complete  stranger,  sharing  their  love  of  Sherbet,  the  Australian  pop  phenomenon  du  jour,  star  act  of  an  outdoor  concert  held  that  day  across  the  road  at  Victoria  Park.  The  stranger  turned  out  to  be  Mike  Meade,  host  of  Flashez,  an  ABC  TV  music  show.  Captivated  by  the   fans’   fervour,  he  asked   if  he  could   interview  them.   In   the  park,  before   the  camera,   the   girls,   poised   between   the   wholesomeness   of   childhood   and   the  waywardness  of  adolescence,  poured  their  hearts  out.  This  slice  of  film  is  now  a  time  capsule  testimony  for  a  generation  of  Sherbet  worshippers.    

When  I  heard  that  Harvey  James,  the  English-­‐‑born  guitarist  of  Sherbet,  had  died,  I  remembered  those  crazed  and  vivacious,  bold  and  unspeakably  vulnerable  girls,  and  the  young  man  who  had  been  kind  to  them  at  the  height  of  his  fame.  Harvey  died  of  lung  cancer,  in  Melbourne  on  15  January  2011,  aged  just  fifty-­‐‑eight.  Donna  and  I  heard  the  news  as  women  of  forty-­‐‑seven.    

Following  his  death  I   found  that  six  months  earlier  Harvey’s  children,  Gabriel,  Alexandra  and  Josh,  had  set  up  a  Facebook  page  when  he  was  diagnosed.  I  joined  ‘Send  your  love  to  Harvey  James’,  where  hundreds  of  fans  were  paying  homage,  alongside   Harvey’s   family,   friends   and   musical   comrades.   There   were   many  photographs  of  Harvey,  including  some  from  Sherbet  –  photos  I  had  mooned  over  when  they  covered  my  bedroom  wall,  photos  that  went  everywhere  I  went,  images  burned  deep  in  the  still  reverberating  pubescent  region  of  my  psyche.    

Though  Harvey  was  the  object  of  my  fanatical  affections,  devotion  to  my  best  friend  was  the  heart  of  my  Sherbet  passion.  Donna  and  I  had  met  when  we  were  about  six,  after  my  mother  and  I  moved  into  the  house  across  from  hers  in  Annandale  and  into  the   same   class.   It   was   the   early   1970s   and   a   quiet   neighbourhood,   made   more  interesting  by  the  mysterious  ‘Abbey’  around  the  corner,  a  fifty-­‐‑room  gothic  mansion  

194 GriffithREVIEW33

rumoured  to  be  haunted.  We  bonded  swiftly  and  fiercely,  our  friendship  characterised  by  outrageous  pranks.  We  packed  our  mothers’  bras  with  tissues,  stuffed  small  pillows  under  our  clothes  and  wandered  around  talking  up  the  trials  of  faux-­‐‑pregnancies.  We  plotted  against  my  mother’s  boyfriend,  a  childish  alcoholic  whom  I  despised.  We  stole  flowers  from  gardens  and  planned  to  start  a  guerrilla  florist  business.  We  made  up  unflattering   ditties   about   our   nemesis,   a   rude,   bespectacled   bully   who   tortured  animals.  We  choreographed  elaborate  routines  to  popular  songs  and  performed  them  for  our  families  and  schoolmates.  We  devised  escapades  on  family  outings  and  shared  beds  during  countless  sleepovers.  We  were  the  daughters  of  mostly  absent  fathers  and  often   troubled   mothers,   and   we   took   refuge   in   our   friendship.   When   we   were  grounded,  as  punishment  for  some  especially  dastardly  transgression,  life  felt  sunless  and  unbearable,  and  I  watched,  desperately,  the  front  of  her  house  for  signs  of  Donna,  living  for  the  day  I  could  see  her  again.    

Time  rolled  on  and  brought  with  it  changes:  new  homes  and  schools,  first  in  the  miserable  Eastern  Suburbs  abode  of   the  boyfriend  I   loathed  and  in  a  class  with  a  teacher  who  took  an  instant  dislike  to  me.  I  missed  Donna  and  Annandale  North  Primary   terribly,  often  crying  before  school.  Then   there  were  consuming  years  of  fun,  high  drama  and  pseudo-­‐‑sisterhood  in  Glebe  with  my  mother’s  new  boyfriend  and  his  daughter  of  the  same  age.  During  that  time  Donna’s  family  moved  further  west,  out  Concord  way,  and  though  we  had  few  opportunities  to  meet,  we  stayed  in  contact  and  remained  best  friends.    

I   was   twelve   when,   finally   alone   with   my   mother,   I   had   enough   impatient  autonomy  to  pursue  my  own  wishes.  I  was  granted  permission  to  travel  by  train  to  Donna’s  on  weekends,  and  we  resumed  regular  contact  as  if  the  years  between  had  never  intervened.  Recent  years  have  revealed  our  different  perceptions  of  who  was  the   leader  and  who  was   the   follower  –   I  maintain   I   followed  her   lead  and  she   is  convinced  she  followed  mine.  Even  so,   I  am  certain   it  was  Donna  who  instituted  two   key   rites   of   passage:   smoking   and   Sherbet.   Donna’s   influence   on   me   is  irrefutably  captured:  in  the  Flashez  clip  I  mimic  her  speech,  a  manner  of  speaking  so  notable   that  Chris   James,  Harvey’s   girlfriend   in   1977,   and   later   his  wife   and   the  mother   of   their   children,   asked   on   Facebook   if   I   still   had   ‘that   unique   accent’.   I  replied  no,  I  didn’t,  because  it  was  not  mine.    

Our   fondness   for   Sherbet   reached   hysteria   during   a   summer   holiday   at   my  grandparents’   Maroubra   flat.   Somewhere   amid   excursions   to   the   beach   in   knit  bikinis  to  work  on  our  tans  and  flirt  with  surfers,  and  lusty  binges  on  lollies  and  fast  food,  we  got  focused  about  Sherbet.  Donna  had  already  declared  Daryl  Braithwaite  her  true  love  and  another  friend,  Fiona,  had  laid  claim  to  Garth  Porter,  so  –  Alan  (Sandow),   the  drummer,  being   too  bare-­‐‑  and  hairy-­‐‑chested  for  my  virginal   liking  and  Tony  (Mitchell),  the  bass  player,  being  too  dark  and  curly  haired  for  my  Anglo-­‐‑child   taste   –   I   settled   on   Harvey,   the   replacement   for   founding   member   Clive  Shakespeare.    

MEERA ATKINSON: Child’s play 195

Tall  and  lean,  with  intelligent  blue  eyes,  feathery  honey-­‐‑brown  hair  and  an  impish  grin,  Harvey  became  mine  the  moment  we  launched  our  project    of  pop  paradise.  We  enlisted  my  grandmother  to  make  us  satin  jackets  of  the  kind  favoured  by  Sherbet,  with  ‘Daryl’  and  ‘Harvey’  embroidered  on  them.  We  wore  them  constantly,  pasted  posters  on  our  bedroom  walls,  and   listened   to  Sherbet  songs  over  and  over  again.  And  when  school  resumed  we  spent  every  weekend  together  pining.    

It  wasn’t   just  about   the  music  –   though  we  liked  the  songs.   It  wasn’t  so  much  about  Harvey  himself,  though  he  was  a  good  musician  who  turned  out  to  be  a  good  man.   It   was   the   instigation   of   adult   desire,   a   ritual   in   girls’   tribal   life:   the   teen  celebrity  crush.  Sherbet  offered  a  thrilling  escape.    

The  year  after  we  started  high  school  –  suburbs  apart  –  Donna  and  I  ramped  up  our  commitment.  It  was  no  longer  enough  to  listen  to  records  and  gaze  on  Sherbet’s  backlit,  big-­‐‑haired,  semi-­‐‑nude  form  in  glossy  pictures.  We  had  to  meet  them.    

Sherbet  were  huge.  The  band  were  not  manufactured,  as  charged,  expressly  for  teenyboppers,  but  they  attracted  a  big  pre-­‐‑teen  and  teen  following.  Some  assume  a  child   audience   devalues   music   as   the   kind   fit   only   for   undeveloped,  indiscriminating  tastes,  but  at  their  best,  like  the  Beatles  and  the  Jackson  5,  Sherbet  produced   pop   that   defied   age.   They   had   eleven   top-­‐‑ten   singles,   were   the   first  Australian   band   to   break   the  million-­‐‑dollar   sales   barrier,   and   they   appeared   on  Countdown  more  than  any  other  band  in  the  show’s  history.  

Sherbet   put   out   their   share   of   forgettable   fodder,   but   their   finest   stand   up:  heartfelt  everyman  anthems  like  their   ‘71  big-­‐‑band,  crowd-­‐‑cheering  cover  of   ‘Free  the  People’  (an  early  favourite);  soft  rock  classics  like  ‘Slipstream’  and  ‘Cassandra’;  the  delicately  pretty  ‘Only  One  You’;  the  bass-­‐‑heavy  ‘You’ve  Got  the  Gun’;  and  the  unapologetically  sentimental  ballad  ‘If  I  Had  My  Way’.  

In  1977,  at  the  start  of  our  all-­‐‑out  fandom,  Sherbet  were  the  biggest  band  in  the   country   and   you   couldn’t   get   near   them.   Still,   Donna   and   I   were   not  average   fans.   We   crossed   the   line   to   obsession.   When   Mike   Meade  interviewed  us  we  were  at  the  threshold:  

Do  you  go  to  all  their  concerts?    

Me:  Yeah,  most  of  them.    

Donna:  All  that  we  can.    

Do  you  follow  them  around?    

Me:  If  we  know  where  they’re  going  we  do.    

In  what  way  do  you  try  and  catch  up  with  them?    

Donna:  Find  out  where  they  live.    

Do  you  know  where  they  live?    

196 GriffithREVIEW33

Me:  Yeah.  We  know  where  Harvey  lives.  We  know  where  Garth  lives.  We  know  half  of  Garth’s  phone  number.    

So,  you  know  where  they  live.  Have  you  been  around  there?    

Me:  No,  not  yet.    

Toward  the  end  of  the  interview,  asked  how  we  hoped  to  meet  them,  I  reply  with  an  earnest,  ‘Any  way  we  can.  I’ve  just  got  a  feeling  we’re  going  to  meet  them.’    

Mike  Meade  replies  wryly,  ‘I  still  feel  that  way  about  the  Beatles.’    

Donna  nudges  me  and  whispers  for  me  to  tell  him  what  Harvey  said.  I  respond  obediently:  ‘Harvey  says  in  this  little  book  we’ve  got  –  Sherbet  or  Harvey,  I  don’t  know  –  your  dreams  can  always  come  true  if  you  believe  your  mind.’    

‘And  we  believe  our  minds,’  concludes  Donna.    

 WE BEGAN HANGING  around  EMI  when  we  knew  they  were  recording.  We  got  autographs   from  most   of   them,   but   Daryl  managed   to   evade   us.   Soon   after  we  started   spending   every   weekend   staking   out   their   houses.   The   weekends   were  crowded  with  other  fans  that  had  done  their  homework  and  had  the  moxie  to  loiter.  Donna  maintains  that  we  were  friendly  to  them  and  enjoyed  a  sense  of  camaraderie,  but  not  without   some  bitchiness   and   jealousies.   I   recall   a   sense  of   competition,   a  drive  to  prove  ourselves  the  biggest  Sherbet  fans  ever.  

Before  long  we  were  forging  our  mother’s  signatures  on  sick  notes  and  wagging  school  to  stalk  them  unfettered  by  rivals.  We’d  meet  at  Central  Station,  then  catch  buses  or  hitchhike  around  Sydney  in  chase.    

Our   interest   grew   beyond   tobacco,   and   there   were   various   getting-­‐‑high  experiments   in   the  nooks  and  crannies  of  Central  –   the  Aspirin  and  Coke  failure,  and  the  smoking  nutmeg  disappointment.  Eventually  I  managed  to  source  a  supply  of   joints.  After  smoking  one  we’d  giggle  irrepressibly  for  hours  at  everything  and  anything,  up  the  back  of  buses,  walking  along  the  street,  in  people’s  faces.  We  spent  a  lot  of  time  at  Garth’s  in  Watsons  Bay,  perhaps  because  it  was  in  the  nicest  location.  There  was  glass  at  the  back  of  the  house,  and  we’d  watch  Garth  and  his  girlfriend,  Mary,  and  sometimes  the  whole  band,  hoping  they’d  notice  us  –  the  biggest  Sherbet  fans  ever  –  and  reward  us  with  their  time  and  favour.    

Harvey  lived  in  Paddington,  and  we  made  personal  contact  with  him  several  times  from   our  many   stakeouts.  He  was   the   sweetest   to   us,   the   one  who   seemed   to   see  beyond  the  fan  stereotype  to  the  girls  we  were,  the  one  who  returned  a  little  of  our  love.    

‘The  first  time  we  knocked  on  his  door  and  he  opened  it  he  knew  who  we  were  from   the   Flashez   film   clip.   He  was   so   happy   to   see   us,’   Donna   recalls.   ‘He   said  something  like  “You’re  the  girls  from  the  interview  –  that  was  fantastic!”  and  he  had  a  big  smile  on  his  face.’  

MEERA ATKINSON: Child’s play 197

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198 GriffithREVIEW33

Ian   have   lived   not   far   from  Concord,  while   I’ve   lived   eight   of  my   nine   lives   in  different  states  and  countries,   in  six  long-­‐‑term  relationships.   ‘Our  lives   just  took  a  different  path,  didn’t  they?’  Donna  observes.    

Our   lives   also   took   a   different   path   regarding   Sherbet.   Donna   remained   a  staunch,  lifelong  fan,  while  I  went  on  to  disown  my  Sherbet  roots  in  Sydney’s  1980s  post-­‐‑punk  live  music  scene.    Keeping  company  with   indie  musicians  I   forgot  my  soft-­‐‑rock  past,  as  my  childhood  best  friend,  Donna  Rowlands,  became  Mrs  Donna  Shelton.    

Donna  and  Ian  regularly  go  see  Daryl’s  band  play  and  she  still  listens  to  Sherbet.  ‘That  time  of  being  thirteen  was  magic,  but  also  I  really  love  their  music.  I  think  they  were   so   talented   and   their   music   was   meaningful.   I   often   come   home   and   put  Sherbet  on  and  dance  around  the  kitchen,’  she  says.    

She  tells  her  family  Daryl’s  her  boyfriend  and  asks  her  indulgent  man  if  she  can  take  Daryl  home  as  they  leave  his  shows.  The  kids  roll  their  eyes  and  groan  good-­‐‑humoured   complaints   about   her   fascination   with   ‘Stale   Braithwaite’.   ‘I   still   love  Daryl,’  she  says.  ‘And  I  love  that  I’ve  got  a  husband  who  is  kind  and  that  has  always  let  me  have  my  Daryl  fantasy.’  

After  Harvey’s  death  I  wondered  if  Donna  had  heard  the  news.  When  I  called  I  found  her  distraught  that  she  had  missed  out  on  tickets  to  the  ‘Gimme  that  Guitar’  Harvey  James  tribute  show,  a  fundraiser  Harvey  helped  organise  but  which  became  a  musical  memorial  following  his  sooner-­‐‑than-­‐‑expected  death.    

I  promised  to  see  what  I  could  do.  I  posted  a  YouTube  link  to  the  Flashez  clip  on  the  ‘Send  Your  Love’  page,  with  a  plea  for  tickets.  The  clip  had  become  a  cultural  icon.   Donna   discovered   it   in   a   Powerhouse   Museum   exhibit   on   the   history   of  Australian  rock  years  back  and  it  aired  recently  on  Rage.  Debbie  Kruger,  the  show’s  publicist,  responded:  the  event  had  sold  out,  so  it  had  been  moved  to  the  Enmore  Theatre  and  more  tickets  had  been  released.  Many  fans  were  delighted  to  hear  from  us,  ‘the  Flashez  girls’.  Donna  and  Ian  shouted  me  a  ticket,  and  the  following  week  we  met  up  for  our  first  outing  and  Sherbet  show  in  decades.    

It  was  billed  as  the  last  Sherbet  reunion  ever,  and  part  of  every  ticket  sold  was  donated   to   the  Peter  MacCallum  Cancer  Centre   and   the   rest   to  Harvey’s   family.  Libby  Gore,  the  comedian  and  an  unabashed  Sherbet  fan,  was  MC  for  a  time-­‐‑warp  line-­‐‑up  that  included  Kevin  Borich,  Jon  English,  Leo  Sayer,  Ian  Moss  and  Richard  Clapton.  But  Sherbet  stole  the  show.  With  Daryl’s  voice  in  outstanding  form,  the  old  tunes  received  more  than  just  nostalgic  appreciation.  Gabe  James  (Harvey’s  eldest)  joined  on  guitar  for  ‘I  Have  the  Skill’,  a  favourite  of  his  dad’s,  and  younger  brother  Josh  added  his  weight  to  ‘Howzat’.  The  finale,  a  cover  of  the  Beatles’  ‘With  a  Little  Help  from  My  Friends’,  requested  by  Harvey  and  performed  by  a  stage  full  of  his  friends,  colleagues  and  family,  was  steeped  in  warm  remembrance  and  grief.    

MEERA ATKINSON: Child’s play 199

As  Donna  danced   I  marvelled  at   the  men  present   in  AC/DC  and  Ramones  T-­‐‑shirts.  I  was  surprised  to  bump  into  Steve  Lorkin  –  ex-­‐‑Psychotic  Turnbuckles  and  chief  of  an  indie  label  that  hosted  the  likes  of  Johnny  Dole  and  the  Scabs,  boasting  a  Radio  Birdman  T-­‐‑shirt.  When  I  said  I  wouldn’t  have  picked  him  for  a  Sherbet  fan,  he  replied  that  he  liked  ‘more  embarrassing  stuff  than  Sherbet’.    

It  turned  out  that  Harvey’s  family  loved  the  Flashez  clip,  and  Donna  and  I  were  ushered   past   tight   security   to   post-­‐‑show  VIP   drinks.   Understandably   emotional,  Chris   James   and   Harvey’s   kids   nevertheless   greeted   us,   and   their   entourage   of  friends  and  family  members  seemed  as  excited  to  meet  us  as  we  once  were  to  meet  Sherbet.  Chris,  who  remembered  us  from  our  Underwood  Street  stalking,  told  us  that   she   had   ‘loved   every  minute’   of   being   a   Sherbet   guy’s   babe   and  had   never  minded  fans  like  us,  and  Alexandra  explained  that  our  clip  was  special  to  her  and  her  brothers  because,  as  they  were  born  well  after  Harvey’s  Sherbet  superstardom,  they  hadn’t  understood  how  big  his  band  had  been.  Our  clip,  she  said,  made  them  feel  like  they  could  go  back  in  time  and  be  part  of  their  father’s  world.  Watching  the  clip   now   I   am   amused   and   moved,   awed   by   our   innocence   and   excruciatingly  embarrassed.    

The   Sherbet   catalogue   is   undeniably   significant   in   Australian  music.   It   is   the  soundtrack  to  an  era  when  the  lucky  country  was  still  somewhat  adolescent  (as  well  as  ignorant  and  awkward):  a  nation  not  yet  on  the  world  stage,  not  yet  digitised  and  wired,  isolated  in  its  own  summery  postcolonial  puberty.    

Ultimately,  my  love  of  Sherbet,  and  all  that  I  did  in  the  name  of  that  love,  was  about  friendship.  Donna  was  my  solace,  my  partner  in  playful  crime  and  the  place  where  I  could  most  be  what  I  needed  to  be  –  a  child.  And  so  it  is  gratitude  for  Donna  and  her   loyalty   and   companionship   that   I   feel  most   keenly   and   tenderly  when   I  watch  those  two  besotted  girls  declaring  their  undying  love  of  Sherbet.  

Donna’s  most  vivid  memory   is  of  me   looking  at  her  and   singing  10CC’s   ‘The  Things  We  Do  for  Love,’  the  theme  song  for  our  misadventures.  ‘If  I  hear  it  now,’  she  says,  ‘I  think  of  you  singing  it  to  me.  

 

 

 

 

 

Meera Atkinson is a Sydney-based writer. Her poetry, fiction and essays have appeared in such publications as HEAT, Salon.com, The Best Australian Stories 2007 and Meanjin. This is her seventh piece in Griffith REVIEW.

200 GriffithREVIEW33

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In an ever more populous, urbanised and media-saturated world, it can feel as if the rate and scale of disasters is straight out of a doomsday movie. Inured by daily reports and images of devastation, it’s easy to lapse into compassion fatigue and a pattern of short-term responses or quick technological ‘fixes’.

Yet behind the statistics, official inquiries and memorial ceremonies, there are complex stories of renewal and hope as survivors and the generations that follow respond to shock, grief and the prospect of constructing a new life or community.

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MeMOiRDeBra aDelaiDe: not for official useMeera aTKinSon: Child’s playDaViD Carlin: The true history of the Circusanna DorrinGTon: My mother and mereBeCCa ePSTein: My last-ditch attemptMeloDy l fuller: Going to Washington, DCraiMonD GaiTa: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilitiesBrian GeaCH: DenzilMarion HalliGan: The cigar boxKaTe HolDen: after the wordsSHaKira HuSSein: nine-eleven-itislloyD joneS: looking backToni jorDan: Waking upVirGinia lloyD: never stop lookinganDreW SanT: on self-knowledgejulianne SCHulTZ: Storytelling, sense-makingCarrie Tiffany: StrikerjoHn TranTer: familyCarolijn ViSSer: The veiled bride

eSSAYPeTer BiSHoP: adventures of the letter ia j BroWn: The living subjectfranK MoorHouSe: Beyond stigmaMaria TuMarKin: Beyond truth and justice

RePORTAGe MaTTHeW riCKeTSon: The blind side

POeTRY SanDra GolDBlooM ZurBo: Heart’s dreamlaura jan SHore: Hospice

PicTuRe GALLeRYKonraD WinKler: leila: losing frank

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