Spring 2017 - fpcenglishtown.org · Worship Calendar Sun., Feb. 26 Transfiguration of the Lord...

Spring 2017

First Presbyterian Church of Englishtown50 Main Street, Englishtown, NJ 07726

Rev. Cynthia Ritter ParkerChurch Phone: 732-446-9506Website: http://www.fpcenglishtown.org/

THE MESSENGERFIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH OF ENGLISHTOWN

Spring Forward!

Daylight Saving TimeBegins

Sunday, March 12th

http://www.fpcenglishtown.org/

Church Calendar

Sun., Feb. 26 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café

Mon., Feb. 27 7:00 p.m. Cub Scout Pack 154Tues., Feb. 28 10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours

7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Thurs., March 2 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., March 3 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., March 5 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. FellowshipSession Reports Due in Mailboxes

Mon., March 6 7:00 p.m. Cub Scout Pack 154Tues., March 7 10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours

7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Wed., March 8 7:00 p.m. Session Meeting - All are WelcomeThurs., March 9 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., March 10 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., March 12 Daylight Saving Time - Spring Forward 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship12:30 p.m. Deacon Meeting


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Wed., March 15 Noon Lunch Bunch

Noon Men’s LunchThurs., March 16 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., March 17 6:00 p.m. Zumba!Sat., March 18 9:00-11:00 a.m. Pancake Breakfast

Sun., March 19 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Thurs., March 23 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., March 24 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., March 26 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics) 7:00 p.m. Monmouth Presbytery Meeting - Jamesburg

Thurs., March 30 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., March 31 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Church Calendar

Sun., April 2 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship

Mon., April 3 7:00 p.m. Cub Scout Pack 154Tues., April 4 10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours

7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Thurs., April 6 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., April 7 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., April 9 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship12:30 p.m. Deacon Meeting

Tues., April 11 10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours 7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)

Thurs., April 13 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., April 14 Noon-3:00 p.m. Good Friday Prayer Vigil

6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., April 16 Easter6:30 a.m. Easter Sunrise @ Boxwood Farm9:45 a.m. Children’s Cross of Flowers11:00 a.m. Resurrection of the Lord John 20 The Resurrection of Jesus, Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene, Jesus Appears to the Disciples, Jesus and Thomas, The Purpose of This Book


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Wed., April 19 Noon Lunch Bunch

Noon Men’s LunchThurs., April 20 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., April 21 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., April 23 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Thurs., April 27 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., April 28 6:00 p.m. Zumba!Fri., April 28 - Sun., April 30 Women’s Retreat - Camp Johnsonburg

Sun., April 30 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café

Mon., May 1 7:00 p.m. Cub Scout Pack 154Tues., May 2 10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours

7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Thurs., May 4 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., May 5 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Church Calendar

Sun., May 7 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. FellowshipSession Reports Due in Mailboxes


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Wed., May 10 7:00 p.m. Session Meeting - All are WelcomeThurs., May 11 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., May 12 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., May 14 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship12:30 p.m. Deacon Meeting


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Wed., May 17 Noon Lunch Bunch

Noon Men’s LunchThurs., May 18 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., May 19 6:00 p.m. Zumba!Sat., May 20 9:30 a.m. Monmouth Presbytery Meeting - Lincroft

Sun., May 21 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Thurs., May 25 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., May 26 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., May 28 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café


7:00 p.m. A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)Thurs., June 1 7:00 p.m. YOGAFri., June 2 6:00 p.m. Zumba!

Sun., June 4 9:30 a.m. Bible Study 9:45 a.m. Sunday School11:00 a.m. Worship12:00 p.m. Fellowship

On the 1st & 3rd Tuesdays of the month Pastor Cynthia’s Office Hours will end @ 1:00 p.m., so she can participate in the Monmouth Presbytery Courageous Conversations about Race

Pastor Cynthia’s Contact InfoCall/Text (609) 977-2325

[email protected]

#pastorecinzia

mailto:[email protected]

Worship Calendar

Sun., Feb. 26 Transfiguration of the Lord11:00 a.m. John 10 Jesus the Good Shepherd, Jesus Is Rejected by the Jews, The Plot to Kill Jesus

(Wed., March 1 Ash Wednesday - no service)Sun., March 5 1st Sunday in Lent - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper

11:00 a.m. John 12 & 13 Some Greeks Wish to See Jesus, Jesus Speaks about His Death, The Unbelief of the People, Summary of Jesus’ Teaching, Jesus Foretells His Betrayal, The New Commandment, Jesus Foretells Peter’s Denial

Sun., March 12 2nd Sunday in Lent11:00 a.m. John 14 Jesus the Way to the Father, The Promise of the Holy Spirit,

Sun., March 19 3rd Sunday in Lent11:00 a.m. John 15 Jesus the True Vine, The World’s Hatred

Sun., March 26 4th Sunday in Lent11:00 a.m. John 16 The Work of the Spirit, Sorrow Will Turn into Joy, Peace for the Disciples,

Sun., April 2 5th Sunday in Lent - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper11:00 a.m. John 17 Jesus Prays for His Disciples

Sun., April 9 Palm/Passion Sunday - Palm Parade11:00 a.m. John 18 & 19 The Betrayal and Arrest of Jesus, Jesus before the High Priest, Peter Denies Jesus, TheHigh Priest Questions Jesus, Peter Denies Jesus Again, Jesus before Pilate, Jesus Sentenced to Death, The Crucifixion of Jesus, Jesus’ Side Is Pierced, The Burial of Jesus

(Thurs., April 13 Maundy Thursday - no service)Fri., April 14 Good Friday Prayer Vigil Noon-3:00 p.m.Sun., April 16 Easter

6:30 a.m. Easter Sunrise @ Boxwood Farm9:45 a.m. Children’s Cross of Flowers11:00 a.m. Resurrection of the Lord John 20 The Resurrection of Jesus, Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene, Jesus Appears to the Disciples, Jesus and Thomas, The Purpose of This Book

Sun., April 23 2nd Sunday of Easter11:00 a.m. John 21 Jesus Appears to Seven Disciples, Jesus and Peter, Jesus and the Beloved Disciple

Sun., April 30 3rd Sunday of Easter11:00 a.m. Luke 24:13–35 On the road to Emmaus, two disciples meet the risen Lord 1 Peter 1:17–23 You were saved by the blood of Christ; you have been born anew

Sun., May 7 4th Sunday of Easter - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper11:00 a.m. 1 Peter 2:19–25 Like sheep, we go astray; but Christ is the shepherd of our souls

Sun., May 14 5th Sunday of Easter11:00 a.m. 1 Peter 2:2–10 Now you are God’s people, built into a temple like living stones

Sun., May 21 6th Sunday of Easter11:00 a.m. 1 Peter 3:13–22 Do not fear; testify to the hope that is in you through Christ

(Thurs., May 25 Ascension of the Lord)Sun., May 28 7th Sunday of Easter

11:00 a.m. Acts 1 The Death of Lazarus, Jesus the Resurrection and the LifeSun., June 4 Day of Pentecost - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper

11:00 a.m. Acts 2 The Death of Lazarus, Jesus the Resurrection and the Life

Don’t miss a Sunday!Pastor Cynthia will be bringing

the Gospel of John to life!

COME ABOARD!Sundays 9:45 a.m. - 11:15 a.m.

Spring: Jesus' parables, Jesus shows Love,Hosanna!, Peter Rocks!

“God so loved the world that he have his onlySon.” John 3:16

See you in Sunday School!!!!!!!The Deep Blue Crew is waiting to hang out with

you!Www.DeepBlueKids.com

Lent/Easter Worship(no Ash Wednesday or

Maundy Thursday)Good Friday Prayer Vigil: Noon-3 p.m.

Easter Morning: 6:30 a.m. Boxwood Farm

9:45 a.m. Cross of Flowers11:00 a.m. Easter

Children's Christmas Pageant 2016with 18 children and families in worship.

Praise the Lord!

Session News

Minutes of the January 29 Congregational Meeting were approved. Next month 03/08 discussion of our children’s Sunday School will top the agenda

Treasurer’s Report: Income $8,462, Expenses $11,859 (extraordinary expense because of replacementof heating pipes under the sanctuary)Ceiling Fund: Paid $40,557, Owe $9,443

Barbara K., Linda, and Cynthia reported on the Princeton Seminary Leadership Training:

Linda: 1) Huge responsibility being a ruling elder! 2)“Dare greatly” and realize that we are the authors of our lives!

Barbara & Cynthia: Change is scary, but if we areto survive, we must open up to the resurrection ofFPC Englishtown into new life.

Barbara & Linda: Make our church building more welcoming!

Cynthia: The justice system in America treats the poor unfairly. We talked about how we can help. (i.e. prison tutoring program)

Baptism March 12 11:00 a.mAngelica Pearl Castro daughter ofLauren Kelly and Anthony Castro

Nominating Committee

Please send your nominations to Barbara Blue [email protected]

Ruling Elder - spiritual, wise, maturity of faith, compassionate, leadership skills (aptitude for working in committee)

Deacon - spiritual, compassionate, ministry skills (aptitude for visitation)

Nominating Committee - spiritual, perceptive, “people person”

Finance Committee - spiritual, financial management experience

Personnel Committee - spiritual, perceptive (aptitude for empowering others)

Sunday, June 4 (after worship)

Brief CongregationalMeeting to Elect

Officers

A new Christmas tree will be purchased for next year w/a dedication to Lou Scudder’s memory the Sunday we put up the tree

Barbara K. thanked all of usfor our support and care for

our buildings


Online Giving

The Session of FPC Englishtown is offering online giving – an easy and convenient way to give your tithes and

offerings using a debit or credit card or electronic funds transfer. The service, which is hosted by thePresbyterian Foundation, is easily accessed through the church website. http://www.fpcenglishtown.org You can rest easy knowing that the transaction is safe and secure, and your gift will be available to our ministry immediately, with no waiting periods.

Online giving offers benefits both for you and for the church:• You can save a trip to the ATM on Sunday morning and avoid forgetting your checkbook or having to quickly fill out a check to make your gift• You can also set up recurring donations to continue giving faithfully even on weeks you arenot able to attend services• The church benefits from a more steady and reliable flow of gifts• Work to process checks and cash gifts is reduced when gifts are made online instead.

Visit FPCenglishtown.org today, click on theoffering plate at the bottom of the page, andsee for yourself how easy it is to give online.

As we continue to grow the culture ofgenerosity in our church to include online

giving, we ask that you also help us to spreadthe word.

Fridays 6:00 p.m. Zumba!Call Gerry Epstein

for details (732)513-4622

Annual Pancake Breakfast

Hosted by theFirst Presbyterian Church of

EnglishtownMarch 18th 9:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m.

$8.00 per adult and $5.00 per child 12 and under

Breakfast includesPancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage

Coffee, Tea, and Orange juiceFor tickets please call

Mary Ganczarski 732-446-1318Limited seating is available, Tickets must be

purchased by 3/10/17Come and enjoy good food, and good company

Per capita ($36) is an opportunity for members of the PC(USA)to share the cost and strengthen our sense of community

Per Capita pays for:

Monmouth PresbyteryFour meetings a year

Help for congregations in crisis or conflictLoans, grants, financial advice

Care of seminary studentsWebsite, directory, emails, weekly electdronic newsletter

Legal & judicial mattersGenesis Center – education resources

Youth TrienniumLeadership Training

Stewardship ResourcesMission Insite – analyse demographics

Mission – Centsability, food justice, earth care, interfaithRelationships

Presbyterian Disaster Assistance

Synod of the Northeast ($4)Four meetings a year

Regional governing body

General Assembly ($7.07)One meeting every other year

Responsible for matters of concern for the whole churchSymbol of unity

Set priorities for the church

http://FPCenglishtown.org/

http://www.fpcenglishtown.org/

Chapter-a-Day

If you’re not receiving Chapter-a-Day emails, contact (609)977-2325

[email protected]

We’re reading through the Bible one chapter at a time withthe help of author Jana Riess’ tweets.

(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in140 Characters or Less)

Scriptures: Click on http://bible.oremus.org or GoogleOremus Bible

Sun., Feb. 26 Transfiguration of the Lord Matthew 17:1–9 The Transfiguration, 2 Peter 1:16–21 Eyewitnesses of Christ’s Glory

Mon., Feb. 27 Jeremiah 31: Deuteronomy 24 forbade remarriage to a two-timing wife, but God wrote the law andGod can darn well break it. Reunited and it feels so good … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26J0uDIGErM

Tues., Feb. 28 Jeremiah 32: Insider trading! God tells Barouk who tells Maria who tells Zedekiah who tells Haroum that the real estate market will rebound.

Wed., March 1 Ash WednesdayJoel 2:1–2, 12–17

Thurs., March 2 Jeremiah 33: God: "Your houses won't be able to hold all the bodies of the folks I'm going to kill before I decide I like you again, Judah.”

Fri., March 3 Jeremiah 34: God tells Judah, “Don’t enslave your fellow Hebrews!" They agree, then change their minds. It’s just so handy to have slaves.Sat., March 4 Jeremiah 35: God uses the example of the obedient Rakabites to shame Judah. That's like your

parents saying, "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

Sun., March 5 Jeremiah 36: God has Jeremiah record all the nasty productions and read them to the king, who just feeds the scroll pieces into the fire. Denial.

Mon., March 6 Jeremiah 37: Orange is the new black. King Zedekiah imprisons Jeremiah for desertion, which is ironic since the king always wanted Jeremiah to go away.

Tues., March 7 Jeremiah 38: Jeremiah is tossed into a well of despair. He's already been there for a long time metaphorically, but now it's an actual well.

Wed., March 8 Jeremiah 39: Siege! Invaders put the king's eyes out, but not before he sees his sons killed. Just another happy Sunday School lesson.

Thurs., March 9 Jeremiah 40: Jeremiah declines a guard’s offer to be his sugar daddy. Why is the Babylonianthe first person to be nice to Jeremiah in this entire book?

Fri., March 10 Jeremiah 41: It’s been just five minutes since the Babylonians took over and we already have our first coup. Who says the Bible’s not fast-paste?

Sat., March 11 Jeremiah 42: Let’s ask God for advice: "Do we remain in Judah or abscond to Egypt?" God: "Stay!" So of course we’ll go. Glad we had this little chat, God.

Sun., March 12 Jeremiah 43: Jeremiah's kidnapped and taken to Egypt. Everyone talks about living out in the middle of nowhere, but Jeremiah actually does now. It's basically awful.

Mon., March 13 Jeremiah 44: Although Jeremiah is in Egypt now and the exile already happened, he’s still preaching doom and mayhem. Old habits die hard; "Repent!"

Tues., March 14 Jeremiah 45: We interrupt Jeremiah's story for quick reassurance to the scribe Barach, who has major depression but his life will be spared.

Wed., March 15 Jeremiah 46: God tells Judah that he will not completely destroyed her. There might be a tree left standing. If he's in a decent mood.

Thurs., March 16 Jeremiah 47: God says the day has come to annihilate all Philistines. This is fair punishment for never learning to appreciate opera.

Fri., March 17 Jeremiah 48: During his killing spree, God will destroy the nation of Moab and silence it's village called Madmen. He's that angry at Don Draper. (Note: Don Draper is the lead character in the TV show Mad Men)

Sat., March 18 Jeremiah 49: God says Ammon, Edom, Damascus, Kedar, Hazor, and Elam will all die painful death's. Don't you feel better, Judah? It's not just you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26J0uDIGErM

http://bible.oremus.org/


Sun., March 19 Jeremiah 50: Babylon, you might want to stop gloating about being conquerers. God says you're comeuppance is, um, coming up. And soon.

Mon., March 20 Jeremiah 51: God: “Babylon’s doomed. Run for your lives, Judah! Sure, I was the one who sent you there, but let's not quibble about the past."

Tues., March 21 Jeremiah 52: The first chapter of Jeremiah recounts how Babylon plundered all the best goodies from God's temple. Those darn interlopers.

Lamentations Overview: With a name like Lamentations,you know it has to be fun. If fun for you is an A-to-Z report of exile, death, and no HDTV.

Wed., March 22 Lamentations 1: Exile ABC's: abandoned, betrayed, cracked, dead, exiled, forgotten, gloomy, hated, isolated, jagged. Kaput. (Please send chocolate.)

Thurs., March 23 Lamentations 2: Exile ABC's continued:loss, mourning, nothingness, obsolescence, priestlessness, rejection, slavery. Are we having fun yet?

Fri., March 24 Lamentations 3: Exile ABC's finale: terror, uncertainty, violence, wrath, xenaphobia. Yikes! Zero left of what we used to have.

Sat., March 25 Lamentations 4: More of the same. This chapter is still part of the alphabetical exile poem, but I gottoo sad. I also ran out of letters. #LAMEntations

Sun., March 26 Lamentations 5: Lamentations ends with Judah bleating that God has turned its dancing into mourning. They liked the Psalm 30 version of that much better.

Ezekiel Overview: Anyone under 30 isn't supposed to read this book. (But, pssst, you can use a fake ID.)

Mon., March 27 Ezekiel 1: July 31, 593 BCE: Zeke’s just chilling out by the river when he has the Bible’s trippiest vision to date. And that's saying something.Tues., March 28 Ezekiel 2: God gives Zeke a prophecy solong it fills two sides of a scroll. Then Zeke has to eat it — every bite, or he won't get dessert.

Wed., March 29 Ezekiel 3: Though the scroll’s packed with dire, gloomy words, it tastes sweet to Zeke. Jessica Seinfeld would call it deceptively delicious. (Note: Jessica Seinfeld is the author of two cookbooks about preparing food for families)

Thurs., March 30 Ezekiel 4: God has Zeke build a Lego model of Jerusalem, then put it under siege and starve outthe Lego people — the Bible's idea of a fun play date.

Ezekiel 4:9 Bread(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in

140 Characters or Less)

The Bible doesn't contain many recipes; it's more concerned with telling people what not to eat than prescribing specific things they should. However, it does have one interesting scene in which God instructs the prophet Ezekiel to make a particular kind of bread:

Ezekiel 4:9, 12And you, take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them into one vessel, and make bread for yourself. During the number of days that you lie on your side, three hundred and ninety days, you shall eat it. You shall eat it as a barley-cake, …

In the context of the book of Ezekiel, the recipe is not put forward as a delightful whole-grain alternative to processed foods, but as a sign of God's coming punishment of the people. The message was something like, "If you all don't repent, then this is the kind of survivalist garbage you will be reduced to eating during the coming siege!"

But that hasn't stopped some modern people from treatingthis recipe as a sign of the healthy, nutritious fare God would have for us today. The Food for Life company produces and markets several versions of Ezekiel 4:9 bread, including variations with sesame, flax, and — I kid you not – cinnamon-raisin.

Fri., March 31 Ezekiel 5: Zeke cuts his own hair in thirds. One third is burned, one third is sliced up, and one third is scattered. Object lesson: "This is Jerusalem!" Ah. Not good.

Sat., April 1 Ezekiel 6: when the corpses of the slain are scattered and the cities are laid waste, you'll know Yahweh is Lord. Annual, him, love him…?

Sun., April 2 Ezekiel 7: Since the people didn't pay attention to either the Lego model or the hair analogy, Godturns to poetry here; that'll teach ‘em for sure.

Mon., April 3 Ezekiel 8: The Ghost of Exile Future gives another scary vision — this one of Abomination HQ, the Temple. It's the Unholy of Unholy's. Uh Oh.

Tues., April 4 Ezekiel 9: God commands us to go and slaughter unbelievers, even little kids. (PS Sometimes the Bible isn’t very bible-ish.)

Wed., April 5 Ezekiel 10: God's glory departs from the city. That's like in Star Trek when the shields go down andthey're vulnerable to Klingon attacks. A bad sign.

Thurs., April 6 Ezekiel 11: God moves out of Jerusalem Temple but fails to file a change of address card with the post office. Present whereabouts unknown.

Fri., April 7 Ezekiel 12: People convince themselves that Zeke’s visions are for some distant future time in a galaxy far, far away. They feel much better now.

Sat., April 8 Ezekiel 13: God rails against false prophets whose messages are too upbeat. “What part of ‘total annihilation’ did you not understand, liars?"

Sun., April 9 Palm SundayMatthew 21:1–11 Jesus’ Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem

Mon., April 10 Ezekiel 14: God: "Even if the righteous Noah and Job were in Jerusalem, I'd still destroy it." As if he'd spare Job the first time. Puh-leeze.

Tues., April 11 Ezekiel 15: Short, pithy chapter with our 526th allegory of Jerusalem's impending total distraction. 425 examples were not nearly enough.

Wed., April 12 Ezekiel 16: God uses the “whore” word! Right there in the Bible! He's so sick of us effing around with other gods that he cusses like a sailor. Whoa.

Thurs., April 13 Maundy ThursdayJohn 13:1–17, 31b–35 Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet, The New Commandment

Fri., April 14 Good Friday John 18:1—19:42 The Betrayal and Arrest of Jesus, Jesus before the High Priest, Peter Denies Jesus, The High Priest Questions Jesus, Peter Denies Jesus Again, Jesus beforePilate, Jesus Sentenced to Death, The Crucifixion of Jesus, Jesus’ Side Is Pierced, The Burial of Jesus

Sat., April 15 Ezekiel 17: A once-upon-a-time fable with eagles as characters. God tried to interest a children’s publisher, but the ending was too dark.

Sun., April 16 Easter John 20:1–18 The Resurrection of Jesus, Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene

Mon., April 17 Ezekiel 18: God scraps the Exodus 20:5 "sins upon the fourth generation" shtick. Plan B: We’re to blame for our sins but not our parents’. Thanks!

Tues., April 18 Ezekiel 19: The kingdom of Judah is like a lioness with two wayward cubs named Simba who disappeared from Pride Rock in shame. Wait, wrong story.

Wed., April 19 Ezekiel 20: Remember: Only you can prevent forest fires in the Negeb. God's going to turn arsonist on you if y'all don't change your wicked ways.

Thurs., April 20 Ezekiel 21: God says that his sword, Babylon, is so potent you're going to tremble with fear.

Fri., April 21 Ezekiel 22: God wants us to stand in the gap:not just for our buddies, but for sinners. God continues raising the bar. I can't keep up.

Sat., April 22 Ezekiel 23: God tells a story of two prostitutes (hint: one is Jerusalem).

Sun., April 23 Ezekiel 24: God deliberately burns dinner ina failed cooking experiment. That would be fine, except that the pot in this story is you. Oh.

Mon., April 24 Ezekiel 25: This is the passage that Samuel L. Jackson quotes in Pulp Fiction just before eachkill. Please don't try this exegesis at home. (Note: exegesis = interpretation of a text)

Tues., April 25 Ezekiel 26: The sea city of Tyre is going down: “I will bring you to a horrible end and you will be no more." Iceberg, right ahead!

Wed., April 26 Ezekiel 27: Zeke offers a lament for the Tyre-tanic after it is swallowed into the sea. And people said it was unsinkable. As if.

Don't Trust Anyone Under Thirty(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in


Ezekiel is believed to have been 30 years old when God called him to be a prophet. And that was a good thing, because as we've seen, some of the contents of his prophetic revelation's weren’t exactly rated PG. But there were also other difficulties with understanding this disturbing book, so much that some early rabbis restricted its study to those over the age of 30 and even limited the class-size of groups that wanted to read it privately.

Bottom line: You might want to skip over this book for yourchild's bar or bat mitzvah. Just a suggestion.

Thurs., April 27 Ezekiel 28: God’s still not done with the laundry list of everything Tyre’s people did wrong. They'd feel guilty, except they're already dead.Fri., April 28 Ezekiel 29: Egypt's next, but instead of drowning the land, God makes it a desert waste. A new mode of death!

Sat., April 29 Ezekiel 30: God breaks both of Pharaoh’s arms, then finishes him off with a Babylonian hitman. Winscareer-making roll as Tony Soprano.

Sun., April 30 Ezekiel 31: God sees that his metaphors of sea disasters and parched earth are falling on deaf ears, so he turns to "trees felled in forest." Yawn.

Mon., May 1 Ezekiel 32: Pharaoh is condemned to the realm of the dead to hang out with all the uncircumcised folks God annihilated. They pass the time playing cards.

Tues., May 2 Ezekiel 33: God makes Zeke "watchman for Israel" and warns that if he falls asleep on the job he'll be slain on the spot. This is why we need unions.

Wed., May 3 Ezekiel 34: God runs for Shepherd! Makes lavish campaign promises of peace and prosperity. Harsh smear campaign against his rivals, though.

Thurs., May 4 Ezekiel 35: Although we already had a nasty oracle against Edom, here's another. Yes, the Edomites are that bad. Wait till we get to Obadiah.

Fri., May 5 Ezekiel 36: God says Israel used to be as unclean as a woman. Which, if you haven't guessed, is nota compliment.

Sat., May 6 Ezekiel 37: Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones. Now hear the word of the Lord: toe bone connected to the foot bone. Foot bone …

Sun., May 7 Ezekiel 38: Zeke glimpses great battle at the end of time: God will go to war against Israel and lose. I am all… Agog. Sorry I couldn't resist.

Mon., May 8 Ezekiel 39: God announces the end of the exile. No more suffering! Well a little less, at any rate. Y'allcome on home from Babylon now, you hear?

Tues., May 9 Ezekiel 40: This begins the benign, happier chapters of Ezekiel. It's going to end on a high note after all that death and genocide.

Wed., May 10 Ezekiel 41: Zeke gets VIP virtual tour of thetemple, but next to his visions of UFOs etc., this one's pretty dull. Mostly an architecture lecture.

Thurs., May 11 Ezekiel 42: Virtual tour resumes for the backstage pass to the hermetically sealed Holy of Holies. It's way cooler than the one in the first temple.

Fri., May 12 Ezekiel 43: Breaking news! God might be returning to his temple after all. Keep those east doors open and run the vacuum, just in case.

Sat., May 13 Ezekiel 44: Rituals of purity for the temple’s priests. Take away point: just be relieved you're not one ofthem. OCD teetotalers all.

Sun., May 14 Ezekiel 45: Zeke's brave new imagined world continues by mandating total ritual purity. This society is not going to sin again, no sir.

Mon., May 15 Ezekiel 46: A crash course in Temple etiquette: never enter and leave by the same door. Don't ask why. It's just rude.

Tues., May 16 Ezekiel 47: God’s spirit returns to the temple, but in a rush of water. We're glad you're back, God, but can you call a plumber for us?

Attention: God is in the building(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in


The final chapters of Ezekiel are taken up with the hope, solidifying in Ezekiel's prophetic imaginings, of God returning to the Jerusalem Temple. Now, God's presence or absence from the temple was a very big deal in the Hebrew Bible/Old Testament. Since the time of Solomon, the people of Jerusalem had put total stock in the promise that God would never abandon his house. Shortly after thetemple dedication centuries before, God had told Solomon:

‘I have consecrated this house that you have built, and put my name there for ever; my eyes and my heart will be there for all time.’ (I Kings 9:3)

But the people had a remarkable ability to cling to the promise of God as a permanent protector while ignoring the inconvenient conditions that insisted that God's protection was contingent upon their righteousness. We human beings tend to hear only what we want to hear, and the people of Jerusalem refused to countenance any notion that God might someday abandon his chosen abode.

But abandoned it he did, allowing the Babylonians to destroy the temple in the city, and crushing the people’s hopes. Most of the freaky-scary parts of the first two-thirdsof the book of Ezekiel spell out – often in graphic detail — the reasons why such divine desertion was entirely the fault of the people. If there are hopeful moments, such as when Ezekiel commands a field of dead bones to live or prophesies that the "sticks" of Ephraim/Israel and Judah will once again become one stick, a single reunited nation as in the days of old (Ezekiel 37).

The restoration of the temple was an important componentof that hopeful vision of national glory, and the final chapters of Ezekiel recount what the future temple would someday be like. The rushing water of chapter 47 is a metaphor for the fierce, overabundant Spirit that will returnin full force to the temple-to-be. This message must only have brought hope and wonder to the exiled people, despite their worries about whether they would be able to afford to pay the plumber.

Wed., May 17 Ezekiel 48: No more violence, oppression, or exile! The people are righteous again, so Zeke’s unemployed. He seems kind of glad about it though.

Daniel Overview: Righteous Jew stands up, stands up forkosher in the Babylonian court. Say, what's that smell? Is something burning?

Thurs., May 18 Daniel 1: Jews had Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah are forced to use imperial names of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Like those are simpler.

Fri., May 19 Daniel 2: Dr. Dan Freud, chief dream interpreter. Wunderkinder Dan and Co move up corporate ladder to high positions in Neb’s court.

Sat., May 20 Daniel 3: Refusal to bow down before idol lands Shad and friends in fiery furnace. But who is this fourth person saving them? An Angel? God? Batman?

Sun., May 21 Daniel 4: Dan says King Neb’s latest dream means Neb will be driven from society, start grazing like a cow, and need a manicurist in the worst way.

Mon., May 22 Daniel 5: New King has Dan decode strange writing. Dan: "The saying ‘read the writing on the wall’ will last forever. But your reign? Two hours."Tues., May 23 Daniel 6: Dan's now on his third King: Darius. But he arrests Dan for praying three times a day. Because that is very wrong. Lion jaws are looming.

Wed., May 24 Daniel 7: Dan's rescued from the lions den,but is plagued with PTSD vision of four beasts, judgment, etc. He shuts down and won't discuss it.

Thurs., May 25 Ascension of the Lord Acts 1:1–11 The Promise of the Holy Spirit, TheAscension of Jesus

Fri., May 26 Daniel 8: Dan's weird visions make no sense to him until the angel Gabriel appears to interpret. So when will Gabe explain the whole Bible to us?

Sat., May 27 Daniel 9: Dan confesses Israel’s sin and prays for forgiveness. Then Gabe it gives a full-on apocalyptic lecture that's about as clear as mud

Sun., May 28 Daniel 10: Dan avoids meat, wine, and lotion for three weeks, then receives new vision. Moral: If you want a Revelation, shun Jurgens at all costs. (Note: Jurgens is a brand of lotion)

Mon., May 29 Daniel 11: Prophecy 101. The king of the south will attack the king of the north. It'll be like the Civil War, only in Aramaic! Won't that be fun. Tues., May 30 Daniel 12: Daniel’s big finish is an apocalyptic vision of the end of days. It's always good to close with a little drama.

Hosea Overview: God orders prophet Hosea to marry a whore. This is a recipe for disaster, especially since she refused her early retirement package.

Wed., May 31 Hosea 1: Quick allegory tips. So, the hooker/wife is supposed to be you. God’s played by the prophet even though he's the one named "Ho." Got it? (Ho= Hosea)

Thurs., June 1 Hosea 2: Hosea’s kids are called "Not Pitied" and "Not My People." It's so odd that these aren't found in today's Bible baby name books.

Fri., June 2 Hosea 3: God still loves Israel, but her whoring people are turning to other gods and devouring raisin cakes. Apparently raisin cakes are eeee-vil.

Sat., June 3 Hosea 4: In the criminal justice system are two separate and unequal groups: the people who commitcrimes and the DA God with 100% convictions.

Sun., June 4 Day of Pentecost Acts 2:1–21 The Coming of the Holy Spirit, Peter

Addresses the Crowd

Deacon's Easter Flowers

The Deacons are taking orders for Easter flowers (Lilly, hyacinth, tulip, daffodil or azalea). Order form marked flowers are available at church. All orders must be placed by March 19th. Mary Ganczarski (732-446-1318)

Prayer RequestsCraig’s brother Carl (health) and his wife Winnie (endurance), family of Elizabeth’s brother-in-law Ian Scott (death) especially Ian’s wife Joy (health), Bob Bellevue (health), Barbara Blue’s friend Irene (cancer) and her family, Leah’s boss Dale (heart health), Helen Burke’s niece Sandra (breast cancer) and her husband Ron, Vilma (health), Vilma’s grandaughter-in-law Christen (healthy pregnancy),Elizabeth Cunningham Fortel (health), Bob & Mary (health), Helen Granozio (health), Linda Houde’s co-worker Lara (cancer), Ed & Linda’s neighbor Jane (hospice), Nancy & Tom Kay (health), Barbara Kwaak (health), Ryan Green (cancer), George &Hope’s friend Jim (cancer), Joe McLaughlin (military service), Ashley (Palmer) (healthy pregnancy), Lil’s family, especially Erma (health), Lil (endurance), Allan & James Russell (health), Sharon (endurance), Ruth Stiles (hospital), Judi (health), Judi’s cousin Gail (breast cancer), Judi’s co-worker Patty (health), Carter (juvenile diabetes), Wilma’s sister-in-law Adelle (health), Thomas A. Zak, Moriah, and her brother Nathan (military service), those serving in our armed forces and their families, our elected church leaders (Barbara, Barbara, Cynthia, Don, Ed, Elizabeth, Faye, George, Jen, Joanne, Judi, Kathleen,Kathryn, Linda, Mary, Mimie, Norma, Roy, Sue), our Sunday School, our aging puppies (Martina & Vegas) and their people

Women’s Retreathttp://www.campjburg.org/event/womens-retreat-2/

April 28 – 30, 2017

Led by Rev. Larissa Kwong Abazia Rev. Larissa Kwong Abazia serves as the Director of Church Relations at Princeton

Theological Seminary. She holds a B.A. in English from Rutgers University and M.Div. fromPrinceton Theological Seminary. She has served congregations in Chicago, Queens (NYC),

and throughout New Jersey. Larissa recently completed a two year term as the ViceModerator of the 221st General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.),

traveling across the country to serve as an ambassador for the denomination. Every yearwhile growing up, her home congregation would have a church retreat at Camp

Johnsonburg so she has many fond memories of these woods. When she’s not doing“churchy” things, Larissa loves traveling, trying new foods, writing and exploring places with

her husband and five year old son.

Join women of all ages for a weekend of reflection, rejuvenation and recreation!

o Large group sessions o Small group discussionso Hiking o Massage (available for an additional fee) o Boating

o Campfire o Zipline o Starwatcho Engaging worship o Fellowship o Laughter

o Made from scratch meals o Cooking demonstration by Chef Ralph

All of this will create a memorable weekend not to be missed!Retreat Fee: $150 for Group Housing, $170 for Single Housing

The retreat includes: Two Nights Lodging and Friday Dinner through Sunday LunchFor more information and to register online visit www.campjburg.org

If you have any questions, email: [email protected] or call: (908) 852-2349Johnsonburg Camp and Retreat Center • 822 County Road 519 • Johnsonburg NJ

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http://www.campjburg.org/

http://www.campjburg.org/event/womens-retreat-2/

Spring 2017 - fpcenglishtown.org · Worship Calendar Sun., Feb. 26 Transfiguration of the Lord...

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