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Transcript of Sponsors Corrected
8/8/2019 Sponsors Corrected
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Rollinson1
Aaron Rollinson
ProfessorJanRieman
English 1103
9/11/10
If you give an illiterate a book
Self-assessment
I feel like I have expressed my ideas clearly in this paper. I am still not as strong as I would like to be
with my grammar but, this paper has less run-on sentence than my normal papers. I think that this
paper could use some improvements in some areas but overall I am pleased with the work I havedone.
Access to literacy for most kids on my block was limited but, mine was immense compared to them.
Where I grew up we had a home computer and our book shelf was packed to capacity. At the tips of my
fingers I had all the information that the internet could givemeplus, cookbooks, repair books, history
books, and any other books that my family could get our hands on. It seemed like I had limitless
resources to any information that I wanted to know.My parents loved to see me read so any bookthat I
wanted they would buy for me. There was a l ibrary in walking distance from our house that we would go
to from time to time.I would get around 3 books read through them, return them, and get three more.
As I grew so did my interest in reading. I started reading more controversial books likeHow To Kill
AMockingbird andNight , I also started reading newspapers. My access to literacy expanded enormously
Comment [J1]: Double space everything so t
you dont have these big spaces between section
And indent each of your paragraphs see the
sample sheet attached to your syllabus .
Comment [J2]: Give more detail herewhat
areas do you think need improvement? What di
you take form peer workshop?
Comment [J3]: Read this aloud and see if its
punctuated in a way that tells your reader how y
want it read.
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Rollinson2
when I entered high school. Academic books in high schoolwere so in depth I would no longer just tread
the surface of any one subject now I had theability to dive deep into any topic.
I remember every Christmasmy mom would line mysiblings and myself at the top of the stairs and ask
us questions ranging from spelling to history and everything in between.Every question we got right we
were allowed to move down a stair closer toour presents. Year after year the questions got harder she
would test us see how far we had progressed. I came to like these yearly tests because I enjoyed
showing off my knowledge that I had acquired through schools and books.My elementary school would
have a party every nine weeks depending on how many books youread. Attending the parties was fun
but the reading was not required so a lot of people didnt read. In middle school they had usread and
take test for a small portion of our grade. If you didnt do the reading you could still make a high Bso the
reading was more important but still did not a sense of high value. In high school if you didnt read then
you didnt pass.With each year the readings became more significantwhich made me want to read even
more.
As I progressed in age I started wondering about every little thing and I would always ask my dad
because he always knew the answer to everything. Soon I found myself reading books trying to stump
my dad with questions. I read all sorts of books trying to find something he didnt know about. I became
a knowledge junkie, going on the computer, reading books, trying to learn more so I could compare with
my dad because I wanted to be just like him. My father loved books, and since I loved my father with an
aching devotion, I decided to love books as well (Alexie 465).With all the knowledge I gained I became
somewhat of a smarty pants in school answering questions that the teacher didnt ask and just saying
random pieces of knowledge to anyone who would listen to me. Because of this extra informationI
exceled in classes like english and history. I used knowledge that I gained in my papers and other writing
to impress my teachers.
Comment [J4]: Good detail in this paragraph
Did you know at the time that your access to boo
and computers was much different than your
friends/neighborhood kids?
Comment [J5]: Ha! Thats great!
Comment [J6]: While you have tons of
interesting info in this paragraph, as a reader Im
not quite sure what one main point you want to
across here.
Comment [J7]: This quote needs to be
incorporated more smoothly. Show why you are
using it, what it means to you instead of just
throwing it in there. Do you relate to Alexies dad
love of books?
Comment [J8]: So your literacy offered you a
intellectual relationship with your dad and status
within your school, it seems. So would you say th
literacy plays a role in your relationships with
people and how you relate to the world?
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Rollinson3
My parents bought me a trumpet when I graduated from elementary school because I wanted to join
the band. We didnt have music around the house and we didnt learn how to read music in elementary
so, I was musica lly illit erate. Reading music didnt come easy to me, I wasnt a natural. My brother had
been in band for two years and knew how to read music a lot betterthan me so he was able to help me
and answer any questions I had. After three years I started to get good at readingmusic but, when I got
to high school I switched instruments and had to learn how to readthe notes for that instrument. Since I
switched instruments my brother was now my section leader and we had an enormous amount of fun
learning new music and teaching the students under us. Figuring out the rhythm from some notes on a
page amazed me. Learning the roles of each instrument and learning how to write music for different
instruments was what I sought to do. From then on I have been studying music and trying to play
different instruments.
Even though I was the one reading the books I dont contribute my knowledge to myself.I might have
self-taught myself how to do certain things but, the ability to learn came from the motivation that the
people in my life gave me. If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, if you teach a man to fish you
feed him for a lifetime. Everyone that has inspired in me has taught me how to fish a nd because of this I
will be able to feed myself for a lifetime.
Aaron,
Great job! You show that you recognize how much of your motivation for reading was tied into your
relationships with people and your internal drive to learn. As you revise, heres what Id like you to pay
attention to: while there is an organizational structure here, this essay could be stronger and more
effective if you pay more attention to your overall points. What do you think the main idea is that you
want to convey? Whats the point of each paragraph? Theres no doubt info here, but its not clear how
Comment [J9]: Need more of a transition
between paragraphs
Comment [J10]: What instrument did you
switch to that the notes were so different?
Comment [J11]: Its great that you include th
part about your musical literacy.
Comment [J12]: Hmmm. Read this aloud. Im
not clear on what you mean here.
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Rollinson4
it all ties together, so think about how you might do that for your readers. Sometimes just being more
explicit with your thinking helps.
Source Citation
Alexie, Sherman. The Joy of Reading and Writing: Superman and Me.Wardle and Downs 443-448.
Print.