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A brief look at Spiders throughout History

Satan banishes all spiderkin from the bowels of hell, deems

them Too Icky

Spiders settle on a remote island so hot and vile only the mostbrain-dead of humans dare inhabit it. Build massive Kingdom of Nastiness, hording thousands upon thousands of spidersoldiers for spider army. Island s obscene heat and generalunhabittabal..ness.. causes spiders to experience giant growthspurts in defiance, resulting in the tarantulas we know today.Spiders later named the island Australia which means Easyhuman prey in their native tongue.

Spiders enslave Egyptians to build massivepyramids attempting to disorient futurehuman generations from their faith in god.

(Atheist souls are easier to steal)

AUSTRALIA

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Spiders hijack a ship filled with Spanishexplorers and discover America

Spiders wipe out America s entire populationof the great juicy, yum yum beast, natives andpilgrims forced to celebrate thanksgiving byeating a turkey instead, the retard of thepoultry family.

Spiders mobilize Troops to further reaches of the world, including Russia, where the nativesattempted to destroy a major base camp bymelting down a well known nuclear reactorcore. This only made them angry.

A brief look at Spiders throughout History (Cont d)

The Retard

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A brief look at Spiders throughout History (Cont d)

Spiders expand their reach even further, intothe vast oceans, under the guise of horseshoe

Crabs . The morbid beasts send just enough tomake them seem like an endangered species,so the lifeguards will yell at me when I dropbricks on them.

Spiders recruit the dessert-dwelling scorpionsinto their ranks. The beasts are compliant, butfeel threatened by the spider s superior abilityto grow body hair. As a result, the dim wittedmonstrosities use the Oil found within thebowels of the earth to slick back their sparsebody hair and better hide their arachnid-pattern baldness. They then make prank phonecalls under the guise of President Bush to themiddle easterners, to invoke fighting and getthem blamed for the high gas prices.

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A brief look at Spiders throughout History (Cont d)

Spiders come to realize that healthy human

children lead to healthy human adults andproduce what we know today as McDonalds.

Spiders take to breaking into human dwellingsin the dead of night, andwaiting..silently patiently..for the human tostumble blindly to the bathroom andaccidently touch it, resulting in panic-inducedcoma or heart failure.

God takes pity on the human race, and usingleftover parts, creates a creature so bizarre, sodownright ridiculous, that it s completelyimpervious to the spider s grossness. Thismagical being is known as The Platypus

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The spiders, as always, are one step ahead of

all that is good and holy, and puts a kick-mesign on the back of the mighty platypus whenit s not looking. Rest of the animal kingdom isthrown into a fit of hysterics, proceeding tomake fun of the being and its mother. Platypuskind throws itself into exile over the shame.

Spiders get a better grip on the human race smental function by creating blizzardentertainment.

A brief look at Spiders throughout History (Cont d)