SMURFS II Written by Current Revisions by - WikiLeaks · SMURFS II Written by Stem & Weiss Karey...

SMURFS II

Written by

Stem & WeissKarey KirkpatrickScherick & Ronn

Current Revisions by

Stem & Weiss

White - 2/10/2012Blue - 3/16/2012Pink - 4/16/2012

Yellow - 4/17/2012Green - 5/2/2012Salmon - 5/4/2012Cherry - 5/15/2012

Double White - 5/23/2012Double Blue - 6/21/2012Double Pink - 6/25/2012

Double Yellow - 6/26/2012

A STORYBOOK opens and unfolds a POP-UP DIORAMA OF SMURF 1 1VILLAGE.

NARRATOR SMURF (V.O.)Once upon a time in Smurf Village, happy Smurfs were going about their happy lives completely unaware that not too far away...

The PAGE TURNS, unfolding GARGAMEL’S CASTLE..

NARRATOR SMURF (V.O.)...the evil wizard - Gargamel - was concocting a diabolical plan.

A BLUE HAND pulls a tab and a 2D cut-out of GARGAMEL appears. The MUSIC GETS VERY LOUD AND OMINOUS.

NARRATOR SMURF (V.O.)The kind of diabolical plan that always is followed by a diabolical laugh. And that plan echoed fear through the mushroom homes of the Smurfs.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL NARRATOR SMURF looking annoyed. He turns to THE BAND OF SMURFS. Everyone has a musical instrument except for CRAZY SMURF who is playing his trumpet-mouth.

NARRATOR SMURFGuys, guys. If you drown out the narrator, Smooth Smurf, no one’s gonna have any idea what’s going on.

The band leader, SMOOTH, responds.

SMOOTH(deep baritone voice)

That’s cool. We’ll just give you a groove, something bluesy.

ALT:

SMOOTHWe’ll just drop it down on the downbeat, double the bass over the melody and kick it back. Cool as a snow cone in January.

NARRATOR(a beat)

I-I have no idea what you just said.

SMOOTH1 cont 1 contWe’ll keep it down.

(ALT)You shoulda called Background Music if you wanted something soft. But we’ll bring it down.

The band quiets down. The Narrator clears his throat and continues as we return to the pop up book. The tab moves back and forth as Gargamel “speaks”...

NARRATOR SMURF (DOING GARGAMEL)“I am making my own creation - an irresistible girl - to infiltrate their village and betray the Smurrfs.”

The PAGE TURNS and we see Smurfette (with black hair). A cutout of a PAINTBRUSH SLIDES over the picture pulling an overlay into place that turns Smurfette blue.

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 1A.

NARRATOR SMURF (V.O.)1 cont 1 contThe Smurfs found Gargamel’s creation and brought her back to their Village, where her wild and naughty nature wreaked havoc.

The PAGE TURNS. We see Smurfette in the village, knocking over Painter’s ladder, stomping on Brainy’s glasses, etc.

NARRATOR SMURF (V.O.)The Smurfs wanted her gone. But Papa Smurf saw the good in her.

The PAGE TURNS, unfolding a scene of PAPA’S MUSHROOM with anxious Smurfs waiting outside.

NARRATOR SMURFWith love, kindness, playful jokes, more love, delicious fruit pies, long walks, and, of course, a secret magical formula, he turned her into... Smurfette, the darling of Smurf Village.

A BLUE HAND pulls a tab. The door to Papa’s mushroom opens revealing the cardboard cutout of SMURFETTE, now BLONDE.

SMURF VILLAGE - PONDA1 A1

PULL BACK FROM THE BOOK TO FIND -- all the SMURFS huddled around it; rapt as Narrator Smurf turns the next page.

NARRATOR SMURFIt was a day we will never forget. The day our Smurfette was reborn.

Narrator Smurf motions upward. All the Smurfs look up to a cliff just above the POND. SMURFETTE steps into view, her smile beaming. She extends her arms and leaps -- a perfect triple flip with a twist - and plunges into the water.

NARRATOR SMURFAnd the Smurf family had grown one bigger...

Smurfs applaud as they stand and gather around the pond, waiting for her to emerge. She rises up from the water (her back to us) She shakes her hair like a shampoo ad, then dramatically turns revealing HER FACE IS SINISTER...

NARRATOR SMURF...until....

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 2.

SMURFETTEA1 cont A1 contStupid, trusting Smurfs! You’re ours now! FATHER!!

LIGHTNING STRIKES as GARGAMEL rises up out of the bubbling water behind her. He towers above them all.

GARGAMELWell done, daughter!

DUTCH ANGLES as both Gargamel and Smurfette CACKLE as Smurfette’s hair turns black with grey streaks - she’s reverting to her original pale state.

PANICKYIt’s alive! It’s ALIVE!!

HANDY/GREEDY/BAKERShe tricked us!/ She’s turning back!/ Smurf for the hills!

PANICKYThe world as we know it is over!

Crazy blows his trumpet-face, SOUNDING THE ALARM. Smurfs flee. Smurfette leaps over them, lands. She has A DRAGON WAND. She BLASTS them with blue energy. ONE BLAST HITS CRAZY, sending him flying toward camera, HORN BLOWING.

A LIGHTNING flash. GARGAMEL IS SUDDENLY BEHIND HER.

GARGAMELYes, my beautiful creation! You truly are daddy’s little girl!!

SMASH TO:

INT. SMURFETTE’S MUSHROOM - ACTUAL MORNING (END DREAM SEQ.)2 2

The real Smurfette bolts upright into frame, sweating.


SMURFETTE2 cont 2 contAh!

REVEAL she’s sitting up in bed with PAPA beside her. She sees him and throws her arms around him.

SMURFETTEOh Papa...

He holds her close, pats her back.

PAPAThere, there. It’s okay. Having that nightmare again?

Smurfette, choking back tears, nods.

NARRATOR SMURF (O.S.)And so, once again, on the eve of her birthday...

PULL BACK TO REVEAL, NARRATOR SMURF at the foot of the bed.

NARRATOR SMURF...poor Smurfette is haunted by horrible dreams of the “who am I?” and “where did I come from” variety, which can push even the sweetest of Smurfs to the brink of insani--!

PAPAO-kay, Narrator Smurf. That’ll do.

NARRATOR SMURF(exiting)

Masking his disappointment, our velvety-voiced Narrator departs to see if any other Smurfs need redundant Smurfentary on their every move...

(ALT)And then, Narrator Smurf realized that he wanted to be in this story more and continued talking. Just then -

(acting frightened)- a giant S-P-I-D-E-R landed on Papa’s face!


PAPA2 cont 2 contThat’s enough, Narrator Smurf. There is no spider on or near my face. Please be so kind as to leave immediately.

He’s gone. Smurfette turns to Papa.

SMURFETTEPapa, every year on my birthday, I have these horrible dreams about where I come from -- and it makes me wonder who I really am.

PAPAAnd every year I tell you. It doesn’t matter where you came from. What matters is who you choose to be.

(alt:)Who you are is who you choose to be.


Smurfette looks unconvinced.2 cont 2 cont

PAPADon’t take this old Smurf’s word for it. Go out there and see for yourself. This is where you belong.

EXT. SMURF VILLAGE - SECONDS LATER3 3

Preparations are underway for Smurfette’s SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY. All the Smurfs sing the La-La song as they go about their tasks.

CLUMSYWait, because it’s Smurfette’s birthday, let’s sing the birthday song!

All the Smurfs nod in agreement and sing. It’s the same La-la song.

GROUCHY is hanging a GARGAMEL PINATA from a tree branch.

GUTSYA little lower, Grouchy. I want to be able to whack him in the smurfberries.

BAKER comes running up to his CAKE, pissed. There’s a BIG CHUNK MISSING.

BAKERHey! Who smurfed a bite out of Smurfette’s birthday cake?

(ALT)Hey! Who ate a bite out of Smurfette’s smurfday cake?

(alt)Greedy! Why’d you smurf a bite out of Smurfette’s smurfday cake?

ANGLE ON GREEDY - his face COVERED IN FROSTING.

GREEDYWasn’t me.

(alt)Why are you blaming me?

Meanwhile, JOKEY approaches BRAINY at the gift table.

JOKEYHere’s my present for Smurfette’s surprise party.


Jokey offers the gift to Brainy. He doesn’t take it.3 cont 3 cont


BRAINY3 cont 3 contC’mon, Jokey. Did you really think that I, the smartest smurf in the village, would fall for your sophomoric gag? Just give me the card.

(ALT)C’mon, Jokey. Did you really think I’d fall for that. Just give me the card.

Disappointed, Jokey pulls an ENVELOPE from under the ribbon of his present and hands it to Brainy. BOOM!!! The envelope explodes. Brainy’s face is blackened. Jokey laughs.

BRAINYOutsmurfed by the old switcheroo.

Just then the door to Smurfette’s mushroom begins to open.

PANICKYShe’s coming!!!

HEFTYCode Blue! Code Blue!

ALT:

HEFTYCode Blue! Code Blue!

BRAINYWe’re Smurfs, everything is code blue.

HEFTYCode Yellow.

BRAINYYellow is soothing. The color of the sun.

HEFTYCode Red!

Everyone screams and runs, HIDING EVERYTHING. Stashing things behind trees. Covering them with tarps. Whistling nonchalantly.

GUTSY‘at was close, eh, lads?


BRAINY3 cont 3 contDid I not warn against setting up too early...

Smurfette emerges from her mushroom, but they don’t see her yet.

BRAINY (CONT’D)...and having Smurfette show up and ruin everything?

HEFTY (re: Brainy always warning)

So what else is new?

Smurfette is stung, but pretends she didn’t hear...

SMURFETTEHey, guys. Who wants to go for a walk with me on this special day?

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 5aA.

SMURFS3 cont 3 cont(feigning disinterest)

Oh, hi Smurfette. Special? What’s special about today?

All the Smurfs act DISINTERESTED, hoping she’ll leave so they can finish setting up. Smurfette feels their ‘coldness.’

Smurfette spots Gutsy holding a flower.

SMURFETTEAww, are those for me?

GUTSYDream on, lassie!

(hands them to Hefty)Here, for repairing the dam.

HEFTYI don’t want ‘em.

GUTSYTake ‘em, you ungrateful, overstuffed toad!

They roll out of frame, fighting as they shove the flowers back and forth.

SMURFETTEHow ‘bout you, Vanity? You can look at your reflection in the pond.

VANITYKinda tired of looking at myself, Smurfette.

Surreptitiously Vanity sneaks a peak in his mirror.

VANITY(lovingly, to reflection)

As if.(ALT)

Eyes looking a little droopy. Maybe time for some Smurf-tox.

ALT IDEA:

SMURFETTESo, nobody wants to go with me?

Lighting changes dramatically, suddenly very dark. Dutch up-angle on Vanity as he turns sinister...


VANITY3 cont 3 contNo. Because you’re different! A freak of nature! Gargamel’s girl!

SMURFETTE(horrified)

What??

Back to normal. That was all in her head. Vanity just says:

VANITYCan’t. I’m busy.

Smurfette’s FACE FALLS. This is just what she was fearing. Then she sees a SMURF holding a clipboard and gets HOPEFUL.

SMURFETTEOh hey, Party Planner Smurf. Anything... “fun” coming up that I should know about?

PARTY PLANNER SMURFNope. Nothing ‘til Smurf Break. It’s going to be wild! I’ll put you on the guest list.

(ALT)Nope. Nothing ‘til St. Smurfentine's Day.

Smurfette is crushed.

FARMERYou know, occasionally it’s good to have a little alone time.

All the other Smurfs chime in “Yeah, go on!” “It’s fine!” “We don’t need you here!” Smurfette drops her head and walks towards the forest. HANDY turns to another Smurf.

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 5AA.

HANDY3 cont 3 contWe pulled that off pretty good, don’t you think, Clueless Smurf?

CLUELESS SMURFShe seemed pretty down. Why don’t we have a surprise party for her?

BRAINYWe ARE having a surprise party for her. Get him out of here!

As Smurfette wanders into the forest, she mumbles to A3 A3herself...

SMURFETTENobody wants me.

NARRATOR SMURFAnd with that, Smurfette walked into the woods, alone, cold, and sad.

SMURFETTEI’m sorry Narrator Smurf, can I just be alone with my feelings?

NARRATOR SMURFI’m sorry! Just trying to help the people understand your feelings. Apparently nobody wants any narration. Well, I’ll just be on the other side of the forest narrating the lives of chipmunks.

Narrator Smurf leaves.

SMURFETTEJeesh...maybe I really don’t belong here.

ALTS:

SMURFETTEWell if this is where [Papa thinks] I belong, people have strange way of showing it. Nobody seems to want me around.

(beat)Maybe they’re just having a bad day. Or...

(concerned)...maybe I really don’t belong.

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 5B.

(MORE)

(ALT)A3 cont A3 contMaybe they’re just having a bad day. Don’t let it get you down... even if they did treat you like an old shoe. And on your birthday! No wonder sometimes you feel like you don’t belong anywhere.

CUT TO:

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 5C.

SMURFETTE (CONT'D)

EXT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - DAY4 4

CLOSE ON TWO BEADY EYES, glaring with hypnotic intensity.

GARGAMEL (O.S.)You belong to Gargamel.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL the eyes are GARGAMEL’s - whose giant sinister face is plastered on a huge banner hanging outside the famed Paris Opera House. The sign reads “GARGAMEL le GREAT! - and in smaller letters underneath, the translation “Gargamel the Great!” MATCH DISSOLVE TO...

INT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - CONTINUOUS5 5

GARGAMEL, on-stage in front of a packed house, waves his wand. A VOLUNTEER stands beside him in a trance.

GARGAMELSay it!

VOLUNTEERYou belong to Gargamel.

GARGAMELNo, I! I!

VOLUNTEERI. I.

GARGAMELI belong to Gargamel.

VOLUNTEERYou belong to Gargamel.

GARGAMELNever mind. You’re a dim-witted toad!

VOLUNTEERYou’re a dim-witted toad.

GARGAMELNo, you are!

Gargamel ZAPS him with blue energy from his wand. The Volunteer TURNS INTO A GIANT 6 FOOT TOAD! The audience GASPS.

GARGAMELThis is what I do to all the critics!


In the wings, Azrael shakes his head disapprovingly. The 5 cont 5 contmovement catches the toad’s eye. He shoots out his long, sticky TONGUE, snags the cat, and slurps him into his mouth.

GARGAMEL(to toad’s belly)

Azrael? Are you dead?

We hear Azrael’s MEOW from inside the toad.

GARGAMELThen get out of there!

Then the Toad SPITS HIM OUT. Azrael falls onto the stage COVERED IN SLIME. The crowd explodes into APPLAUSE. Gargamel turns and soaks up the adulation.

FREEZE FRAME.

TITLE: “Gargamania!” SLAMS INTO FRAME, followed by the A5 A5logo of “ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT.”

ON A TV SCREEN -- NANCY O’DELL reports...

NANCY O'DELL Yet another groundbreaking feat of illusion from the most innovative conjurer the world has ever seen. “Gargamania!” - the magical sensation that has captivated the nation from New York to Vegas, is now taking on the City of Light. Paris, France! It’s a runaway success.

A ROCKETTE IN HALF A BOX gapes as her legs in the other half B5 B5of the box run around on stage. Azrael rolls his eyes. The legs step on his tail. MEOWWW!!!


NANCY O'DELL (V.O.)B5 cont B5 contThis master mysterio has gone from unknown to unstoppable after his surprise discovery in New York.

EXT. NY STREET - DAYC5 C5

ON TV - PHONE CAM P.O.V of an AFRICAN AMERICAN COUPLE (TRISHA and TOMMY) in TIMES SQUARE. Operating the camera is MARC, the OFF-SCREEN boss of the operation.

TOMMYHey, y’all, so, Trisha and I just showed you Central Park, and now....

TRISHACheck it out, Tommy...Times Square! This is my town, people!

TOMMYAnd nobody does it better than--

They’re interrupted by a SCREECH and a taxi HORN as Gargamel steps into the road behind them.

TAXI DRIVERYo, get outta the road, freak!

GARGAMELHow dare you call me “Yo.”

(ALT)You forgot to say please.

Gargamel aims his wand at the taxi. The beam lifts the car out of frame.

TRISHAWhoa! Whoa! Whoa! Did you get that, Marc? Did you??

TOMMYNo way!! Push in! Push in! Push in!

MARC (O.S.)I’m pushing! I’m pushing! How is he doing that?!

Trisha SCREAMS.

NANCY O'DELL (V.O.)From New York street performer to the new toast of Europe.


Now we’re in A TV STUDIO. Gargamel is being interviewed. D5 D5All the while, Gargamel is suspiciously eyeing the boom that hangs over him.

NANCY O'DELL...the only magician ever to play the famed Paris Opera House.


Gargamel snatches at the boom, but misses.D5 cont D5 cont

NANCY O'DELLSo, what could you possibly do to top this?

GARGAMELI intend to subjugate all the peoples of this realm to gain complete domination of the world.

Gargamel shoots his hand up and this time catches the boom.

GARGAMEL (CONT’D)Ha!

NANCY O'DELL(to camera)

He never drops the act. Well, you heard it here first. A world domination tour. Get ready.

Gargamel clutches the boom like a small animal he’s just captured.


GARGAMELD5 cont D5 cont(to boom, mouth much too close, RIDICULOUSLY LOUD)

YOU ARE MINE.

END OF TV SEGMENT, BACK TO SCENE...


Then the Toad SPITS HIM OUT. Azrael falls onto the stage 5 cont 5 contCOVERED IN SLIME. The crowd explodes into APPLAUSE. Gargamel turns and soaks up the adulation.

FREEZE FRAME.

TITLE: “Gargamania!” SLAMS INTO FRAME, followed by the E5 E5logo of [HOST SHOW].

ON A TV SCREEN -- HOST reports...

HOSTYet another groundbreaking feat of illusion from the most innovative conjurer the world has ever seen. “Gargamania!” - the magical sensation that has captivated America from New York to Vegas, is now taking on the City of Light. Paris, France! It’s a runaway success.

A ROCKETTE IN HALF A BOX gapes as her legs in the other half of the box run around on stage. Azrael rolls his eyes. The legs step on his tail. MEOWWW!!!

HOST (V.O.)This master mysterio has gone from unknown to unstoppable after his surprise discovery in New York.

EXT. NY STREET - DAY C5 C5

ON TV - PHONE CAM P.O.V of an AFRICAN AMERICAN COUPLE (TRISHA and TOMMY) in TIMES SQUARE. Operating the camera is MARC, the OFF-SCREEN boss of the operation.

TOMMYHey, y’all, so, Trisha and I just showed you Central Park, and now....

TRISHACheck it out, Tommy...Times Square! This is my town, people!

TOMMYAnd nobody does it better than--

They’re interrupted by a SCREECH and a taxi HORN as Gargamel steps into the road behind them.


TAXI DRIVER C5 (cont) C5 (cont)Yo, get outta the road, freak!

GARGAMELHow dare you call me “Yo.”

(ALT)You forgot to say please.

Gargamel aims his wand at the taxi. The beam lifts the car out of frame.

TRISHAWhoa! Whoa! Whoa! Did you get that, Marc? Did you??

TOMMYNo way!! Push in! Push in! Push in!

MARC (O.S.)I’m pushing! I’m pushing! How is he doing that?!

Trisha SCREAMS.

HOST (V.O.) E5 E5From New York street performer to the new toast of Europe.

Now we’re in A TV STUDIO with the HOST, who is interviewing Gargamel (and Azrael) on THE STREETS OF PARIS (DAY) on a MONITOR.

HOST... And the only magician ever to play the famed Paris Opera House. What could possibly top that?

GARGAMELWell, “(HOST NAME) of (SHOW NAME),” I intend to subjugate all the peoples of this realm to gain complete domination of the world.

HOST(to camera)

He never drops the act.

GARGAMEL(pulling out notes)

Fortunately, Azrael used Goggle Translate, so no matter what filthy tongue you speak, you’ll have no excuse! Ha!

Gargamel reads from a Sony Tablet in perfect [Host language], and wayyyyy too loudly:

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 8aB.

GARGAMEL E5 (cont) E5 (cont)(Chinese example here)

Chongbai wo! Wo wen qai xiang yi zhi! (Wo xiang qiezi tu!)

SUBTITLE: Worship me! I smell like a shoe! I have no idea what I’m saying! My cat is the real genius!

Azrael SNICKERS.

HOSTWell, you heard it here first. A world domination tour. Get read.

Gargamel approaches CAMERA for an EXTREME CLOSE UP.

GARGAMELYOU’RE ALL MINE! MINE!

Gargamel shoves the CAMERA out of his way and storms off.

GARGAMELCome Azrael, we have work to do!

END OF TV SEGMENT, BACK TO SCENE...

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 8aC.

EXT. PALAIS GARNIER - DAY6 6

Gargamel exits the stage door. The awaiting crowd CHEERS.

GARGAMELThank you Ladies and Gentlemen. Nothing pleases me more than pleasing me. Now get on your knees and bow!

The crowd LAUGHS.

GARGAMELI said BOW!

The crowd LAUGHS. Infuriated, Gargamel waves his wand causing the crowd to bow against their will.

Gargamel strolls through them like royalty to his horse-drawn LOUIS XIV style carriage. He forces one bowing man to his knees and uses him as a step stool to enter the carriage.

As soon as he’s gone, the spell is lifted and they can stand. They look to each other - amazed. Then they all APPLAUD.

INT. HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE - DAY7 7

Inside the carriage, it is modern and pimped-out; neon lights, a wet bar, sun roof, TV -- the works. Azrael MEOWS.

Gargamel cuts him off.

GARGAMELWould you stop tormenting me about the essence! I extracted all I could from Papa Smurf in the kingdom of New York. How much did you extract?

Azrael MEOWS.

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 8aD.

GARGAMEL7 cont 7 contI’m squandering it? You’re the one rolling around in caviar and cat nip all day. Besides, they failed to bow. That’s unacceptable.

Azrael rolls his eyes and MEOWS. Gargamel HOLDS UP the vial of BLUE ESSENCE that hangs around his neck. It’s 1/4 full.

GARGAMELLook, look, look. We still have plenty enough left to execute my delightfully diabolical plan, and preserve your precious lifestyle.

(tucking the vial away)Soon we’ll have all the essence we could ever dream of.

(EVIL LAUGH)So enjoyable.

EXT. HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE - DAYA7 A7

Gargamel stands up and sticks his head through the sun roof. He calls to the people of Paris.

GARGAMELThat’s right, my lowly bootlicks - you will all worship me...

(then, to Azrael)...including you, you flea-bitten furbag.

Azrael gets a devious smile, paws the button for the 7 cont 7 contsunroof.

GARGAMELA7 cont A7 contAll hail Gargame--ACK!! Stop it!

(it opens, closes again)Don’t break the neck that feeds you!

(ALT 1)Ach! This is worse than when you sleep on my face!

(ALT 2)What am I? John the Baptist?

(ALT 3)Just use an axe, why don’t you?

(ALT 4)Azrae---ACK! Not funny!

(cont)That’s it! No caviar for you tonight!


Azrael CACKLES.7 cont 7 cont


EXT. PLAZA ATHENEE HOTEL, PARIS - DUSK8 8

A five star hotel in Paris. The carriage pulls up.


INT. GARGAMEL’S PENTHOUSE SUITE - NIGHT9 9

Gargamel and Azrael enter the opulent suite. Sitting on the floor is a box on which is scrawled: “4 AZREEUHL.”

GARGAMELOoooh, look. A present. No doubt from a worshipping admirer.

(then, disappointed)Oh. It’s for you.

Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELDon’t be such a scaredy cat. It’s not a trap. It’s a gift. Partake!

Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELLook, you don’t want it. I’ll take it.

Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELWell, then open it, you ridiculous person. Cats. Can’t live with them, can’t serve them with cheese.

Azrael warily opens the box. Inside he finds nothing but... a little red dot? Suddenly the dot JUMPS out of the box onto the ground. Azrael leaps on it. It moves again. Azrael chases it. The dot shoots over to one wall. Azrael CRASHES into the wall trying to get it. The dot shoots to another wall. Again - WHAM! Azrael wobbles, woozy.

Just then... WOOSH! - a SMURF-SIZED PALE CREATURE with a tomboy haircut lands on Azreal’s head! This is VEXY.

VEXY Hello, kitty!!!

GARGAMELApparently I was wrong, Azrael. It was a trap.

Azreal leaps up. Vexy slides off his back and GRABS ONTO HIS TAIL as he takes off. She CACKLES as she “water-skis” him around the room.

PAN UP TO SEE a 2nd creature on top of the bureau holding a LASER POINTER. This is HACKUS - a manic and wild-eyed Tasmanian Devil meets Beetlejuice creature.


HACKUS 9 cont 9 contHackus! Hackus! Hackus!

GARGAMEL(laughs)

Alright... Alright, children.

Hackus grabs a drapery chord and swings down, knocking Azrael - who stumbles backwards onto an open laundry net laid out on the floor.


VEXY9 cont 9 contWho says cats have dignity?

Hackus and Vexy PULL a rope, and Azrael IS LIFTED up into the air, trapped in the net. Vexy strikes a pose under the cat.

VEXYAll hail Vexy - Foiler of the Felines!

HACKUS(like a crazed lunatic)

BWAMOOOAGAGAMOOGA!

VEXYWell said, my idiot brother.

GARGAMELVexy! It’s not nice to point out how big an idiot Hackus is. Still, it was very amusing, my little Naughties.

Gargamel grins and claps his hands with devilish glee. Azrael gives Gargamel a dirty look.

VEXYDid we please you, father?

GARGAMEL(suddenly serious)

No. You didn’t. You know what would please me - if your putrid pale essence could endow me with real magic like that of a true blue Smurf. That would excite me. Instead you’re just deeply disappointing experiments.

ANGLE ON Hackus - joyfully WHACKING HIMSELF IN THE HEAD again and again with a remote control.


GARGAMEL9 cont 9 contHim more than you. Now, on to the business at hand.

Gargamel steps over to Azrael and FREES HIM. Azrael lands on his feet, dizzy. He GROWLS at the Naughties.


GARGAMEL9 cont 9 contAzrael, cease your folly and bring me my plan! It’s in the bathroom...on my side of the sink.

JUMP CUT TO C.U. OF A SONY TABLET...10 10

Vexy and Hackus are gathered around the blank screen. Gargamel eyes it warily.

GARGAMELThis isn’t my writing parchment. Where is my plan?!

Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELGone digital? What does that mean?

Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELIn the cloud? Why would my plan be in a cloud? Are you alright? Did you concuss yourself when you hit those walls?

Azrael rolls his eyes and double-taps the screen. A digital slide comes to life complete with crude artist renderings. It reads “PHASE 1: CREATE NAUGHTIES”.

GARGAMELAhh, there it is. Phase 1, Create Naughties. Check. Where’s Phase 2?

Azrael swipes the screen. “PHASE 2: CREATE PORTAL” There’s an image of the Eiffel Tower with lightning striking it.

GARGAMELOooh, I am enamoured of this swiping motion.

(pushing Azreal aside)Get away! And swipe...

Gargamel swipes the screen. “PHASE 3: GET PAPA’S SECRET FORMULA” We see Gargamel going through the portal.


GARGAMEL10 cont 10 contYes. Then Phase 3. I get the secret formula Papa used on Smurfette... and swipe...


Swipe. PHASE 4: TURN PALE SMURFS BLUE. We see Gargamel 10 cont 10 contchanging Vexy, Hackus, and MANY OTHERS from pale to blue.

GARGAMEL...then I turn you pale Naughties, and hundreds more like you, blue... and swipe...

PHASE 4A: SIT BACK, ENJOY PLAN and LAUGH.

GARGAMELSit back, enjoy plan and laugh.

Gargamel and Azrael sit back, think, and laugh out loud.

PHASE 5: EXTRACT ESSENCE. We see hundreds of Smurfs strapped into a massive, terrifying contraption.

GARGAMEL...place you into a terrifying machine to extract your essence...

VEXYWill it hurt?

GARGAMELNo, of course not. Don’t be silly. Maybe a little. Moving on...

(ALT)You’ll see. It’ll be fun!

Gargamel quickly flips through the screens “PHASE 6: ABUSE POWER” Flip, flip, flip...

GARGAMELDetails, details... Outlaw the cheeseburger. A pox on Valentine’s Day! And we’re swiping, swiping...

(ALT)Details, details... Establish breeding program for slow-moving mice...Why would I want slow-moving...

(realizing)Azrael! Have you been tampering with the plans?

Azrael lies, shaking his head No. Gargamel reads on...

TIME DISSOLVE


Gargamel continues swiping. Azrael is passed out next to him. 10 cont 10 contVexy and Hackus look bored.

“PHASE 37: ABSOLUTE BAN ON PHOTOS WHERE YOU GIVE THE PEACE SIGN.”

“PHASE 38: ABSOLUTE BAN ON FIST BUMPING AND HIGH FIVES.”


GARGAMEL10 cont 10 contAbsolute ban on fist bumping and high fives... and finally! Phase 39!

...he gets to - “PHASE 39: ABSOLUTE POWER AND WORLD ADULATION.” We see Gargamel at a Taj Mahal type palace with hundreds of thousands bowing to him. Gargamel stops.

GARGAMELAhhh yes, then I’ll have enough essence to rule the world. Not to mention - Phase 40...

Gargamel swipes the screen one last time. “PHASE 10: TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF SMURF VILLAGE. We see an image of the Smurf’s mushroom village destroyed in smoldering ruins. Gargamel pauses.

GARGAMELThe total destruction of Smurf Village. Oh, how it warms the cockles.

(then, getting choked up)I’m sorry. I always get a little emotional at this part.

Overcome with joy Gargamel nuzzles the screen. Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELI’m wasting time? You sleep 18 hours a day and lick yourself the other six.

(ALT)...and nap the other six.

Azrael swipes back to Phase 2 with the Eiffel Tower.

GARGAMELRight. The very reason we chose this resplendent metropolis; the great iron antenna. The only way to harness enough energy to create a portal right into Smurf village.

(ALT)Right. Right. The very reason we chose this cheese-infested metropolis: the great iron spire / pillar / obelisk / monolith.


(MORE)

The only way to harness enough 10 cont 10 contenergy to create a portal (oh, I adore portal creation!) right into the heart of Smurf village.

Gargamel opens up a box and picks up his Dragon Wand.

GARGAMELLet us away!

VEXYFather. Wait!

Gargamel stops. Vexy and Hackus are growing PALE AND WEAK.

SMURFS II - DOUBLE YELLOW - 6-26-12 12C.

GARGAMEL (CONT'D)

GARGAMEL10 cont 10 contOh. Yes, of course. More mouths to feed.

Vexy and Hackus line up like little birds, mouths open.

DRIP, DRIP - one drop of essence each.

GARGAMEL(ALT ADDITION)

I didn’t hear “thank you.”(Hackus BURPS)

Close enough.

The Naughties instantly feel better. He pours the last drops into his new Dragon Wand.

GARGAMELNow. To the antenna!

O.S. - KABOOOM! A clap of thunder and we CUT TO...

EXT. EIFFEL TOWER, PARIS - NIGHT11 11

An intense thunderstorm around the tower. In silhouette, a lone GARGAMEL conducts the storm with his wand.


GARGAMEL11 cont 11 contALA-KAZAMM!!!

KABOOOOM!! Lighting strikes the tower, ricochets around the A11 A11structure, hits a well placed COIL and becomes a tight laser of energy shooting over the Seine and electrifying...

THE REFLECTING POOL OF THE TROCADERO. Electricity crackles throughout the water. A WHIRLPOOL develops in the center.

BACK ON THE TOWER Gargamel checks the Dragon wand. IT’S 11 cont 11 contCOMPLETELY EMPTY.

GARGAMELPerfect! Just enough essence!!

The LIGHTNING STOPS. Gargamel flies across the river - B11 B11barrelling head first for the whirlpool which has opened up to create A PORTAL.

GARGAMELReady or not, here I c-

WHANG! He gets stuck. It’s barely big enough for his 12 12head. Gargamel SPINS AROUND like he’s in a washing machine.

Azrael and the Naughties stand at the edge of the pool, laughing. Finally Gargamel manages to pull his head out. His hair and eyebrows are ridiculous.

GARGAMELSeems I lacked sufficient essence for a human sized portal.

Azrael MEOWS.


GARGAMEL12 cont 12 contI have not put on weight! Maybe a couple pounds. It’s these croissants!

VEXYFather, I can fit through there.

HACKUSHackus go! Hackus go!

GARGAMELWell, let’s see. Eeny, meeny, miney...

(ending on Hackus)...moron...

Just then, Vexy STOMPS on Hackus’ foot, BOXES his ears, then, while he’s reeling - leaps into Gargamel’s hand.

VEXYI win.

GARGAMELNicely played. Now I must warn you, your destination is a horror; a realm filled with the relentless, crushing quiet [ALT: harmony] of peace, punctuated by the wretched cacophony of joyousness...and a monstrously repetitive song.

(Vexy shudders)Exactly. It ruined your sister.

VEXYI hate her.

GARGAMELThat’s the spirit! That annoyingly perky Smurfette is a turncoat and an ingrate! That ridiculous little Papa Smurf brainwashed her and turned her against me. Me? Of all people?

VEXYPoor Father. It’s such a shame when evil is corrupted by good.

GARGAMELSo true.


(MORE)

But she knows the secret formula. 12 cont 12 contSo go and get her.

He aims Vexy like a dart and FLINGS her into the portal.


GARGAMEL (CONT'D)

EXT. SMURF VILLAGE, WOODS NEAR LAKE - DAY 13 13

Smurfette is walking along the bank of the pond.

SMURFETTEI just don’t get it. They know how tough my birthday can be...and they didn’t even remember.

She stops at the water’s edge and looks at her reflection.

SMURFETTEGuess I’ll never really be one of them.

Suddenly, Vexy RISES UP through the reflection!

SMURFETTEAhhhh!

Smurfette turns to run away but the voice stops her.

VEXYPlease. Help. I escaped.

SMURFETTEEscaped?

VEXYFrom the evil wizard (panting)... who made me.


SMURFETTE13 cont 13 contDo you mean... Gargamel? Did... Gargamel make you?!

Vexy nods. Smurfette can’t believe it.

SMURFETTEBut he’s... that means... you’re just like me.

VEXY(ALT)

I was...

Smurfette rushes to her. Vexy LEAPS UP and GRABS her.

VEXYGotcha!

(ALT)...before you turned...

(gagging)...good. Gotcha!

SMURFETTE What are you doing?

VEXYFather’s gonna be very happy.

Vexy starts dragging her towards the water.

SMURFETTEHelp! Heeeelp!!!! Code Red!

(ALT)Help! Heeelp!

EXT. EDGE OF SMURF VILLAGE - CONTINUOUS14 14

The party is almost set up when the Smurfs hear the scream.

HANDYSmurfette’s in trouble!

They all drop what they’re doing and RUN toward the sound.


EXT. RIVERBANK - SAME15 15

The Smurfs arrive and are STUNNED to see Smurfette being pushed into the PORTAL.

GREEDYShe’s being Smurfnapped!

HEFTYSmurfette!

Vexy looks up, sees the Smurfs. She smiles wickedly, then shoves Smurfette through. She then jumps in herself.

VEXYSo long...

(a la Gargamel)...Smurrrrrrrfs!

GUTSYNOOOOOOO!

Gutsy and the others charge the portal, but it CLOSES before they reach it.

BRAINYIt doesn’t take a genius to tell you, but I will - this is the work of Gargamel!

(ALT)My powers of deduction lead me to believe that this is the work of... Gargamel!

EXT. REFLECTING POOL, TRACODERO - NIGHT16 16

The swirling whirlpool portal coughs up Smurfette and Vexy. GARGAMEL grabs Smurfette.

GARGAMELAh, the Smurfette....

(devilish smile)Welcome home.

Azrael glares at Smurfette, vengeance in his eyes. Smurfette looks horrified. On GARGAMEL’S LAUGHTER - CUT TO...

INT. PATRICK AND GRACE’S APARTMENT - DAY17 17

CHILDREN’S LAUGHTER. We’re in the middle of BLUE WINSLOW’s three-year-old birthday party.


A bunch of children and parents, all sitting at kid-sized 17 cont 17 conttables. Patrick carries in the cake.

PATRICKHere you go, Blue.

(then, to parents)I think I have everyone’s issues covered. It’s an organic, gluten-free, anti-oxidant rich, sustainably-grown acai berry cake with fair-trade, non-dairy vanilla icing, all made locally by a cruelty-free baker who swears he’s never even seen a peanut. Everyone’s good, right?


PCB/PEANUT MOM (CAROLINA)17 cont 17 contAre the plates PCB free?

PATRICKWrong!

Patrick spins to head back into the kitchen when Grace comes out holding a package of plates that reads “PCB & BPA Free”.

GRACEActually, we’re good.

PATRICK(turning back around)

We’re good! You see that, guys? (pointing to package)

PCB & BPA free. There are virtually no letters in these plates.

Patrick puts an arm around Grace.

PATRICKBoy, who ever thought parenting would be so complicated?

PEANUT FATHER (JAMES)Seriously? ‘Cause you guys almost make it look easy.

PARENT #2 (HENRI)You know Patrick...I’m sure he read every book on fatherhood ever written.

PARENT #3 (VANESSA)You must’ve had a great role model.

(ALT)What a role model you must have had.

PATRICKMe? Oh, um... not really. My dad left when I was five. So the only "roll" he ever "modeled" was the one where you quietly "roll" the car out of the driveway and never come back.

Patrick waits for a laugh - but all the other parents just stare at him, horrified.

PATRICKWhat? No fans of abandonment humor?


Just then, the front door flies open and in walks VICTOR 17 cont 17 contDOYLE, 55, a big, messy, blue collar, lovable bear of a man.


HIS SHIRT IS UNTUCKED, HIS HAIR UNCOMBED, and he has NO 17 cont 17 contSENSE OF PERSONAL SPACE.


VICTOR17 cont 17 contAm I late? Did I miss the presents? All week I’ve been tryin’ to sort out what to get Blue. A toy? A game? A ball? Somethin’ electric-like? Then I said to myself, “What are you talking about...get him everything!!”

Victor pulls in a red wagon PILED RIDICULOUSLY HIGH with PRESENTS of all kinds. He kisses Blue on the head.

BLUEGrampa Vicster!

VICTORBlue!

Blue runs to Victor and Victor scoops him up.

VICTOR(to Blue)

Happy Birthday, Blue. That’s right. Now it’s a party!

A CURIOUS PARENT leans in to Patrick.

CURIOUS PARENT (RUTH)Who’s he?

VICTOR(overhearing)

I’m Victor, Patrick’s dad. And you must all be his friends. Which makes you my friends. So, let’s go. Everybody up. Arms in the air. You’re all gettin’ hugs!

Victor starts to make the rounds, hugging everyone tightly, whether they like it or not.

CURIOUS PARENT #2 (DUSAN)I thought you said your father left you.

PATRICKHe did. Which paved the way for him...my stepfather.

(ALT 1)He did. Which paved the way for this ball of fun...my stepfather.

(ALT 2)


(MORE)

This is my stepfather. He never 17 cont 17 contleaves.

Patrick pulls Grace aside.

PATRICKWhat is he doing here?


PATRICK (CONT'D)

GRACE17 cont 17 contIt’s Blue’s birthday. I invited him.

By this time Victor has made his way to Patrick and Grace.

VICTORThere’s my Gracie. Come here, darlin’.

(to Grace, embracing her)Ever since Blue was born, I kinda miss you being big as a house. There was more of you to hug.

Victor gives her a hug then addresses the group.

VICTOR(to group, re: Grace)

Let me tell you something. This woman right here is a saint. She’s kind, brilliant, generous and... she does a mean booty-bump!

Victor and Grace turn sideways and bump booties - but the impact sends Grace 5 feet across the room.

VICTOR(to Grace, sotto)

Sorry, I forget we’re in different weight classes.


Patrick rolls his eyes. Then,17 cont 17 cont

VICTOR(to all)

And now... (turning to Patrick)

I saved the biggest hug for last.

Victor takes a couple of steps back, then...

VICTORC’mon, son. Let’s show ‘em how it’s done.

PATRICKBoundaries, remember. Boundaries!

Victor approaches Patrick, doing a slo-motion ape walk, and scoops him up off the ground, bouncing him up and down in a massive, prolonged bear hug.

VICTOR(bouncing Patrick)

Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug. *

PATRICK *(being bounced) *

Don’t - like - this - at - *all. *

Victor sets Patrick down, and then gives him a real hug.

VICTOR(to Patrick)

Ahh yeah, there’s nothing like an embrace between two proud Doyle men.

PATRICKI am not a Doyle man.

VICTOR(ruffling Patrick’s hair)

Actually - you are. I legally changed your name when you were 11, remember?

PATRICKWithout telling me. And I changed it back when I was 18.

VICTOR(surprised)

Without telling me? (then)

Well, aren’t you the sneaky one, Paddy Doyle.


PATRICK17 cont 17 contWinslow.

VICTORDoyle.


PATRICK17 cont 17 contWinslow.

VICTOR(raising a hand)

Alright. A compromise. Winslow-hyphen-Doyle.

Victor coughs on Patrick.

PARENT #3 (VANESSA)(whispering)

Hey, isn’t he the guy from those corndog commercials on TV?

PATRICK(trying to stop this)

No, no--

CURIOUS PARENT (RUTH)Hey, you’re right!

Loving it, Victor throws up his hands.

VICTORWell, you got me. Guilty as charged.

PATRICKHere we go...

Victor pulls out a thermal bag with a logo that reads “Korndog King.”

VICTORThe Korndog King!

(re: logo)Always remember, regular corndogs are spelled with a “C”. Mine are spelled with a “K” - for “kwality” - that’s how you know they’re better.

PATRICK(to Grace)

See, this is exactly what he does.

VICTORAnd now, in honor of Blue’s birthday, I’m going to distribute to each one of you a free Korndog. On the house. But don’t get it “on the house.” [ALT ADD: Get it?] I just made that up. Look for it in the next commercial.


Patrick cringes as Victor approaches the guests, who look 17 cont 17 contutterly flummoxed. But Victor is clearly playing to Patrick.

VICTORAlright now - nobody say a word! I am an expert at matching the right face with the right dog.

(to Curious Parent #2 [Dusan] with bad Italian accent)

Garlic and cheese - Buon Appetito!(ALT)

Garlic and cheese for my paisan! Buon Appetito!

(to Curious Parent [Ruth])Teriyaki Dog. Kampai, ichiban!

(to Parent #2 [Henri])Barbecue pork for my Homey.

PATRICKOh, my God...

Victor selects a kosher-labeled dog and hands it to a woman.

KOSHER WOMAN (ERIKA)Is this kosher?

Victor rips the breading off the end, leaving an inch of naked frank.

VICTORIt is now! Mazel tov!

PATRICKPerfect. If you can’t be sensitive, just offend everyone.

(ALT 1)At least he’s an equal opportunity offender.

(ALT 2)That’s great. Just offend everyone.

(ALT 3)Perfect. Insults for all seasons.

(ALT 4)(moving on)

Ooookay, everyone has their insult? Nobody’s left out?

PCB/PEANUT MOM (CAROLINA)Do these have any peanuts?


VICTOR17 cont 17 contWhat? I would never put peanuts in a corndog.


PCB/PEANUT MOM (CAROLINA)17 cont 17 contGreat.

PCB/Peanut Mom nods to her son who TAKES A BITE.

VICTOR(continuing)

We already fry them in peanut oil. (ALT)

For the simple reason that it’d be complete overkill - ‘cause we already deep fry them in peanut oil.

PCB/PEANUT MOM (CAROLINA)What?!!

The BOY’S eyes widen. As his PEANUT FATHER lunges for their diaper bag, Patrick drops his head into his hands.

VICTORWhat’s happening to that kid’s lips?

INT. GARGAMEL’S SUITE - DAY18 18

Gargamel has brought Smurfette back to his suite. Smurfette looks terrified, but she’s putting up a brave front.

SMURFETTE(defiantly)

You’re wasting your time, Gargamel. Papa and the others are gonna come for me.

Gargamel is nonchalantly polishing his Dragon Wand.

GARGAMELI don’t think so.

SMURFETTEThey came for Clumsy.

GARGAMELYes, but you see... Clumsy was a real Smurf.

These words jar Smurfette. It’s exactly what she’s been fearing. She’s not a real Smurf.

GARGAMELWhereas I was the one who made you, Smurfette. Darling daughter...


SMURFETTE18 cont 18 contYou’re not my father. Just let me go!

GARGAMELSmurfette, if you want to go “home,” all I need you to do is one little, tiny, itsy-bitsy favor.

SMURFETTEWhat?

GARGAMELJust give me the secret formula that Papa used to turn you into a Smurf.

Smurfette is shocked. So this is what he wants.

HACKUS(jumping up and down)

Hackus blue! Hackus blue!

GARGAMELDon’t you see, my dear. It would benefit us both. You give me the formula. I turn my Naughties blue. I use their essence to continue doing my humble, yet wildly successful magic show here. And then I’ll never again have to bother you or the rest of (that unbelievably annoying) Smurf Village that you seem to love so much for some unfathomable reason.

(ALT)...And then I’ll never have to bother you or the rest of [that unbelievably annoying] Smurf Village again.

SMURFETTEI don’t believe you.

GARGAMELWhy not? I love it here.

(to Naughties)Don’t I love it here?

(to Smurfette)The people of this realm adore me. They think - and this is them talking - that I’m the greatest sorcerer they’ve ever seen.


(MORE)

Always clapping and cheering and 18 cont 18 contbowing. Completely unsolicited, by the way.

SMURFETTEI don’t trust you. I’m not telling you anything.

GARGAMELI see. Well, perhaps you just need a little persuasion. Naughties... Attack!!!

Immediately Vexy and Hackus attack... EACH OTHER!


GARGAMEL (CONT'D)

GARGAMEL18 cont 18 contNot each other!

They attack the cat.

GARGAMELNot the cat!

They attack the lamp.

GARGAMELNot the lamp!

Azrael MEOWS and shakes his head. Gargamel agrees.

GARGAMELDeeply, deeply disappointing experiments.

INT. PAPA’S MUSHROOM - DAY19 19

The Smurfs are crowded around. Papa calls to them.

PAPAAlright Smurfs, listen up. I saved some grotto water from the last blue moon for just such an occasion. I was able to smurf it into smurfportation crystals.


BRAINY19 cont 19 contSo we don’t need a portal? Very clever, Papa.

PAPASmurf-zactly. These will take us directly to Master Winslow’s apartment mushroom. If anyone can help us, it’s he and Miss Grace.

CLUELESS SMURFAre we having a birthday party for Smurfette?

Smurf hands SHOOT UP - “Me”, “I’ll go”, “Smurf me!” etc.

PAPANow, now, Smurfs. I only had water enough for 9 crystals. That’s me and three others round trip, plus Smurfette on the way home.

GROUCHYAssuming you can find her - which is doubtful.

CLUMSYThat’s not a very smurfy attitude, Grouchy.

GROUCHYActually, for me, that was pretty good.

(alt:)I said “doubtful” but was thinking “impossible.” That’s progress for me!

PAPA(to group)

I’ll need courage, strength, and intelligence. So... Gutsy, Hefty, Brainy - you’ll smurf with me.

A Smurf in the front row raises his hand.

PAPAYes, Passive-Aggressive Smurf?

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMURFI just wanna say I think Brainy is a really excellent choice. Good luck with that.


BRAINY19 cont 19 contSee what he does? Why doesn’t that feel like a compliment?

(alt:)See what he does? I detect that is not a compliment.

Papa crosses over to Hefty first to give him some crystals. At the same time, Clumsy comes up to congratulate the three.


CLUMSY19 cont 19 contGo get her guys! We know you can --

Clumsy TRIPS and knocks into Papa - causing his hand to fly up and send ALL THE CRYSTALS into Hefty’s mouth.

CLUMSYOops.

Hefty’s eyes go wide. He points to his throat. The crystals are stuck!

PANICKYOh no! He can’t breathe! He’s gonna die! We’re all gonna die! Ahhh!

GUTSYStand back. I know the Smurflich maneuver.

Gutsy gets behind Hefty and starts Heimliching him.

VANITYOh dear, he’s turning blue-er!

GROUCHYThis is going even worse than I thought it wou...

Suddenly, UMPF! - the crystals come SHOOTING OUT of Hefty... three of which SAIL INTO THE OPEN MOUTHS of Grouchy, Clumsy, and Vanity. Reflexively, they swallow - then look at each other.

CLUMSYOh no!

VANITYI get so puffy when I travel!

GROUCHYOh no, a pill on an empty stomach. I’m going to get sick.

LAZYOkay, three simple rules for safe travel. One...

The others lean in, eager for the safety tips. But Lazy slips into a deep SNORING slumber. Before they can wake him...


LAZY19 cont 19 cont(ALT 1)

This is just like the time that--

Lazy drops into a a deep, SNORING, slumber.

LAZY(ALT 2)

You’re going to get nasty Smurf-lag. I’ll be asleep for days.

POP! POP! POP!- Clumsy, Vanity and Grouchy DISAPPEAR (Vanity’s mirror remains behind).


PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMURF19 cont 19 contPapa, I’m sure narcissism, ineptitude and pessimism will be just as helpful. Good luck with that.

Papa picks up the other discarded crystals from the ground. He puts them in his satchel - except for one.

PAPAWhy, thank you Passive-Aggressive Smurf. I think.Well...

(popping crystal in mouth)...Smurf us luck.

BRAINYBy my calculation, they’ve got a point-oh-oh-oh-three chance of success.

CLUELESS SMURFSo wait, we are having a party for Smurfette?

(ALT)Okay, seriously, we having that party or not?

Off the other Smurfs’ withering looks...

POP! - Papa’s GONE.

INT. WINSLOW APARTMENT - LATER THAT EVENING20 20

The guests have all left. Patrick is on the phone.

PATRICK(into phone)

Well, I’m glad his throat opened up, and his lips are back to normal, and the red splotches are gone, and...he can see again? Great! And how was the ambulance ride? That is fantastic -- and again, we’re very sorry.

(hangs up)So, Tyler can breathe again - which makes two of us since his parents are both lawyers.

VICTORSo that’s why they overreacted.


PATRICK20 cont 20 contThey didn’t overre-

VICTOR(interrupting)

I think he’s ready for this...


Victor crowns Blue with a little plastic KornDog King CROWN.20 cont 20 cont

PATRICKDon’t put the crown on him.

VICTORYou loved this crown.

PATRICKNo. I didn’t.

VICTORYou wore it everywhere.

PATRICKNever did.

Just then Blue lets out a giant, sloppy BRONX CHEER.

VICTOR(sternly)

No, Blue! What are you doing? How many times do I gotta tell you...!

(then)You gotta do it like this - from the armpit!

Victor shows Blue how to make fart noises from his armpit.

Now Victor unleashes an even bigger Bronx Cheer. Blue is delighted, and emulates him. The two of them “cheer” together. Patrick just stands there, mid-sentence. He heads into the kitchen where Grace is cleaning up.

INT. WINSLOW KITCHEN - NIGHT21 21

PATRICKDo you see what’s going on out there?

GRACEThey’re bonding.

PATRICKTechnically they’re spitting.

GRACEHoney, Blue needs to learn that “family” means more than just you and me. It’s good for him to play with his grandfather.


PATRICK21 cont 21 contStep-grandfather...

GRACEWhy are you so down on him?

More LOUD BRONX CHEERS from the other room.

PATRICK(to Grace)

That ain’t exactly gonna get him in to Harvard, is it?

(alt:)Gee, I dunno.

(alt:)You’re right, honey. He’s fantastic.


GRACE21 cont 21 contCome on, Patrick...

PATRICKGrace, he ruins everything. That’s his gift. Ruining things. Like when he first moved in with me and mom and sent my parrot away.

(alt:)Grace, he ruins everything. He shows up and ruins things. That's what he does. It’s just like when he first moved into my house and sent my parrot away.

GRACEYour parrot?

PATRICKMy father’s parrot. When my dad took off... it was the only thing he left behind. I loved that bird. Used to ride around on my handlebars. Sleep on my headboard. But when Vic came, we had to get rid of him. ‘Cause Vic was allergic.

Just then they hear a noise -- - WOOOMF, WOOOMF, WOOOMF.

GRACEHelicopter?

They check out the window.

IN THE LIVING ROOM - Vic, still with Blue, hears the noise 22 22as well. The air in the room seems to solidify, as a PIERCING SOUND grows louder, like a bomb falling. Suddenly - BOOOOOOM! - a small blue comet pierces the veil and CRASHES into the pile of birthday gifts.

IN THE KITCHEN - Patrick and Grace push on the door to the 23 23living room, but the tremendous air pressure holds it shut.

PATRICKVIC, DO YOU HAVE BLUE!!??


IN THE LIVING ROOM - Victor watches stunned as - from the 24 24pile of presents - a big plushie corndog STANDS UP and starts freaking out - running around, banging into stuff..

GROUCHY (IN PLUSHIE CORNDOG)I’m blind! I’m blind!!!

VICTORAhhhhhh!

GRACE (O.S.)VICTOR?? WE CAN’T OPEN THE DOOR!

Victor grabs a toddler chair. He raises it to hit the “possessed” corndog when suddenly another comet pierces the veil. It SMASHES into VICTOR’S FACE - CLINGING to it LIKE AN OCTOPUS. Victor falls backwards onto the floor. IT’S CLUMSY. He stares at Victor, eyeball to eyeball.

CLUMSYSorry. I was smurfin’ for the pillows, but your face got in the way.

PATRICK AND GRACE -- hear that familiar voice. 23 cont 23 cont

PATRICKClumsy??

Victor swipes at Clumsy who jumps off him as a third 24 cont 24 contcomet flies in - BOOM! - and lands on the coats on the hanging rack. It’s Vanity - who immediately freaks out.

VANITYWhere am I? This place is strange! And terrifying! And...

He turns and SEES HIMSELF in the little mirror on the rack...

VANITY(suddenly calm)

...sooo handsome. (coyly, to himself)

Hello, you!

BOOM! - a final comet lands in the thermal bag. A battered Papa emerges with a corndog in his hat.

PAPADid it work?


GROUCHY24 cont 24 cont(still “blind” in corndog)

No! We’re in the abyss! I knew it would end like this!!

CLUMSYWatch out!!

Victor now has a PLASTIC LIGHT SABRE. He takes a SWIPE at Papa who LEAPS out of the way. The sabre hits the top of the plushie corndog - smacking it off of Grouchy.

GROUCHYOh. This isn’t the abyss.

By now the air pressure has returned to normal. The A24 A24kitchen door flies open and Patrick and Grace tumble in as Victor raises the light sabre for another swing at Grouchy.

PATRICKVictor! Stop! They’re friends!

VICTORFriends?! They’re little blue aliens tryin’ to steal our faces!

VANITYLittle? I’m high as three apples and twice as polished!

(he smiles; his teeth sparkle)

ALT:

CLUMSYLittle?! I’m three apples high!

(trips, lands face-first)...least when I’m upright.

ALT:

GROUCHYWho you calling little? I’m three apples high! And you’re fifty apples wide!

PATRICKNo. They’re called Smurfs.

GRACE(picking up Grouchy)

And they’re the sweetest things you’ll ever meet.


GROUCHYA24 cont A24 contNot me.

GRACENo. Not you, Grouchy.

PATRICKPapa, Clumsy. How are you guys?

Blue points and calls out.

BLUESmurfs! Smurfs! Smurfs!

PATRICKThat’s right, Blue. These are the Smurfs we’ve told you about.


VICTORA24 cont A24 contIf Blue likes the Smurfs, then the Vicster likes the Smurfs.

ALT:

VICTORWait a minute! Are you saying these things are real?

PATRICKYeah. They’re real. Don’t ask how. But they are real.

PAPAOh my Smurf. Is that Blue?

CLUMSYHe’s huge!!

GROUCHYI wouldn’t want to be the stork that brought that guy.

PAPA(re Blue’s mushroom)

Glad to see you are raising him smurfy!

(ALT)Glad to see you are raising him so smurfily.

Grace turns to Vanity.

GRACEAnd who is this handsome fellow?

VANITYI ask myself that every day.

Vanity pulls a SLIGHTLY SMALLER, TRAVEL MIRROR out from under his hat and glances at himself.

PAPAThat’s Vanity.

VANITY(to Grace)

The pleasure’s all yours.(alt:)

Nice to meet me, the pleasure’s yours.


GROUCHY (O.S.)A24 cont A24 contLittle help over here!

Everyone looks over and sees Blue SHOVING GROUCHY into his armpit, pumping for the RASPBERRY noise....

GRACE/PATRICKBlue! No!

Grace pulls Grouchy out.


GRACEA24 cont A24 contGrouchy is not a whoopy cushion!

PATRICK(to Blue)

Don’t squeeze Grouchy; you don’t know what will come out.

BLUE(to Grace, making icky face)

He smells funny [weird].

GROUCHYYeah, I had a couple of extra smurfberries for breakfast.

PATRICK(to Papa)

So what are you guys doing here?

PAPASmurfette’s been taken!

Patrick and Grace are suddenly very concerned.

GRACEWhat??

PATRICKWhat do you mean “taken?”

VANITYSnatched away by Gargamel.

PAPAIf we can find him, we’ll find her.

PATRICKWell, that won’t be hard. He’s a big star now. In Paris.

GRACEI’ll start packing. Honey, get Blue’s passport.

VICTORYes! A rescue mission. I’ll come too. You’ll need all the help you can get.


PATRICKA24 cont A24 contWhoa, whoa. Wait! Blue’s passport? Honey, we can’t just up and go to Paris.

(”discreetly” nodding toward Victor)

Especially not all of us.

GRACEAlright, that’s one “no”. Who votes “yes”?

Everybody else’s HAND GOES IN THE AIR, even Blue’s.

BLUE(laughing)

Daddy always loses.

GRACE(serious to Patrick)

This is my Smurfette we’re talking about. We have to go.

Patrick hears her and nods -- she’s right.

VANITYIf we’re going to be travelling, then we must sing the ancient travelling song for the safe return of the Smurfs. It is a song that requires multi-layered harmonies and chord construction few humans have ever heard. Lets make sure we do this properly.

PAPA SMURF(deeply contemplative)

Now. Let us honor those who came before us.

Everyone goes right in to the “LA-LA-LALA-LA-LA-LA-LA” song. Patrick covers his ears.

EXT. CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT - DAY25 25

The American Airlines 747 lands in Paris.

EXT. PARIS - DAY26 26

Overhead shot of beautiful Paris, bathed in warm sunlight.


EXT. QUAINT PARISIAN HOTEL - DAY27 27

A Peugeot taxi pulls up. Grace, Victor and Blue get out. Victor’s got the bags.


PATRICK27 cont 27 contAlright. We’re all clear on the plan, right? We’ll head over to Gargamel’s show, see if she’s there.

Grace holds up a Paris NEWSPAPER that shows Gargamel coming out of a fancy hotel...

GRACEAnd I’ll go to the Plaza Athenee and find out what room he’s staying in. Victor, you and Blue can check into our room here.

VICTOR(hesitant)

I-I...I was thinking...

PATRICKNo “I-I-I was”, Vic. That’s the deal.

(then, to driver)Le Opera House, s’il vous plait.

Grace looks at Patrick, impressed.

PATRICK(French accent)

My French is tres sexeee, no?(alt:)

My Frency, it ees verrrry suave, no?

Grace approaches the window.


GRACE27 cont 27 contMaybe I should get you a beret?

PATRICKYou can’t handle me in a beret.

GRACEOh, really? Is that what you think...

Patrick and Grace are now face to face, rubbing noses through the window. Grouchy pops his head out of Patrick’s jacket.

GROUCHYHey! Get a ‘shroom!

(ALT 1)Hey! Get a mushroom!

(ALT 2)Hey! This is a family joint!

(ALT 3)Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

As the cab pulls away, the CAMERA CRANES UP. In the distance is the Paris Opera. We hear Smurfs singing the La-La song...

INT. OPERA HOUSE/GARGAMEL’S DRESSING ROOM - DAY28 28

CLOSE ON SMURFETTE -- staring forward. PULL BACK TO REVEAL she’s tied to a desk lamp. The La-La song continues.

HER P.O.V. - is of the Sony Tablet. The song plays from it. On the screen is the classic hypnotic swirl image. Gargamel hides (badly) behind the screen.

GARGAMELGiiiiiiiiiiiive hiiim the forrrrrmula. Yooooou wannnnnt to giiiiiive it to hiiimmmmm.

Smurfette stands there with her arms crossed, defiant. The screen reads “buffering.” Finally, Gargamel pops up from behind the screen.

GARGAMELAwwg! Really? You can just listen to this song indefinitely? How is it not driving you insane?

SMURFETTE(defiantly singing along)

La la la la la la...


Vexy and Hackus are WRITHING IN AGONY, hands to their ears.28 cont 28 cont

VEXYMake it stop, it burns!


Hypnotized, Hackus’s eyes swirl and he passes out cold. 28 cont 28 contAzrael shakes his head. A VOICE comes over the speaker...

VOICE ON SPEAKER (O.S.)Cinq minutes.

GARGAMELAh, my public awaits. Once again I must go astound and confound the merry imbeciles.

Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELOut of essence?

MEOW. (Duh!)

GARGAMELOh, we can still do the show...

(re: Smurfette)Because I’ve got all the essence I need right here, now, don’t I?

ALT: MEOW!

GARGAMEL(ALT)(To Azrael)

Sheesh, what a nag you’ve become.(to Smurfette)

So sorry, my dear. I’m afraid it’s time for a little snip.

(ALT ADD)You won’t miss a few split ends.

(ALT ADD)Don’t worry, just going to clean you up around the ears.

Gargamel picks up a scissors and heads for Smurfette.

SMURFETTEWhen Papa gets here, you’re gonna be sorry.

GARGAMELI told you, Smurfette. Your Papa is not coming - because your Papa is already here.

(then explaining)See? I’m your papa.


Gargamel takes a LARGE SWATH of Smurfette’s hair and SNIP. 28 cont 28 contSmurfette GASPS - HORRIFIED - VIOLATED. But then she notices the scissors have ALSO CUT HER BINDINGS.

GARGAMEL(sticky sweet)

So either you can give your real Papa the formula...

(very mean)...or you can spend the rest of your miserable existence being harvested in my new super-powered smurfalator.

(evil laugh, then casual)It's up to you, my dear. Your decision.

Just then Gargamel notices the snipped bindings.


GARGAMEL28 cont 28 contOh, and Smurfette...

He places an upside down GLASS VASE over Smurfette’s head, trapping her.

GARGAMELNice try.

SMURFETTE’S POV - She CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING. She just sees Gargamel’s mouth moving.

Azrael MEOWS.

GARGAMELDon’t be absurd. Of course I won’t let her go. Who am I? Sir Goody-Good of Two Shoes?

MEOW.

GARGAMEL(a very silly laugh)

Ah yes. As soon as she gives up the secret, I’m going to toss her into the machine for a long life of pain, torture, and suffering.

Azrael MEOWS.


GARGAMEL28 cont 28 contYes, yes, I’ll let you push the button.

Gargamel turns to the Naughties.

GARGAMELWhilst I am gone, keep at her. Her brain has been washed. You must naughty it back up.

VEXYYes, father.

GARGAMELAnd if you see any other blue smurfs about, take no chances. Spirit (ALT: Get) her back to the hotel immediately.

(to Azrael)Eventually that meddlesome Papa will arrive. He always does.

Gargamel crosses to a wall.

GARGAMELAnd if she knows he's here, she’ll feel loooved and never divulge her secret.

Gargamel SLIDES OPEN A PANEL in the wall.

GARGAMELYes, yes, we must break her soon. Now come. We’ve essence to make.

(ALT)...to brew.

(ALT)...to concoct.

Gargamel turns the La La song back on just as Hackus is getting back up. BAAM! Hackus faints and CRASHES DOWN again. Gargamel and Azrael disappear down the stairs.

ON SMURFETTE - She catches her reflection in the glass vase - her half cut hair. She quietly SOBS. Never has she been so alone.

INT. PLAZA ATHENEE - DAYA28 A28

Grace steps up to the hotel’s front desk.


GRACEA28 cont A28 contHi. I was wondering if you’d be so kind as to tell me...


HOTEL CLERKA28 cont A28 cont(for the thousandth time)

...what room Monsieur Gargamel is in? No. Hotel policy.

The Hotel Clerk steps away to do something else. Grace stands there for a moment, then notices a flyer on the desk for an Audrey Hepburn film festival. Hmmm.

EXT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - DAYB28 B28

Patrick’s taxi pulls up in front of the Opera House. Patrick jumps out and runs up the stairs and enters.

INT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - DAY29 29

The beautiful, ornate lobby is practically empty. Everyone is already seated. Patrick runs up the stairs heading for the theater doors.

INT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER30 30

One of the most amazing theaters in the world, packed with people. Patrick enters just as the house lights dim. He heads to the curtained exit by the stage and slips through.


ANNOUNCER30 cont 30 contMesdames et messieurs - Garjamel le Grand!

Lights up as Gargamel steps through the fog - then stops.

GARGAMELYou call that a Shroud of Mystery?! A wisp, at best.

(ALT)Please pardon my inadequate fog...

ZZAPP!! He zaps the fog, which grows to fill the entire stage. APPLAUSE! Gargamel steps through. Basks. Then coughs.

*NOTE: Through the action of the following scene, Gargamel continues his act O.S. with this dialogue.*

GARGAMEL (O.S.)Good evening, unworthy admirers. I am Gargamel the Great. Tonight you will witness no trivial illusions, but rather the most spectacular genuine sorcery the world has ever seen! Some of you may die...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)Don’t know why that always gets a laugh. The people of this realm are bewildering.

(then)But be warned! If any of your beeping, ringing contraptions should interrupt the demonstration of my amazing wizardry, or should I hear any crinkling noise from the shiny wrappings of your confectionery sweet meats... you’ll all pay dearly.

(continues)Now, in the event of a fire, and there usually is one, feel free to scream, panic and trample each other like dogs. If my spectacle is to be disrupted, at least I should be amused.

BEHIND THE FRONT OF HOUSE CURTAIN - Patrick goes through the 31 31curtain and sees a THEATER SECURITY GUARD.

PATRICK(to Smurfs in Jacket)

A guard!


The Smurfs duck down as Patrick approaches the Guard.31 cont 31 cont

PATRICKParlez-vous Anglais?

GUARDNon.

PATRICKGreat.

Realizing the Guard won’t understand a word, Patrick speaks in English - making it look like he’s talking to him.

PATRICKOkay, Papa. Sneak out of the back of my jacket while I’m talking to this man and find the dressing room.

The Smurfs slide down the back of Patrick’s leg and disappear backstage.

INT. PLAZA ATHENEE LOBBY - DAY32 32

A pair of FANCY HIGH HEELS steps onto the marble floor. PAN UP PANTYHOSED LEGS, a smart BLACK SKIRT-SUIT to see... Grace - in SUNGLASSES and chic FLOPPY HAT. She’s Audrey Hepburn.

Grace drops the film festival flyer in the trash and marches to the front desk WITH ATTITUDE.


GRACE32 cont 32 contI am outraged! Outraged I tell you!

Grace SMACKS her LONG BLACK GLOVES against the counter. The HOTEL CLERK is immediately on his heels.

HOTEL CLERKI am sorry, who are you?

GRACEI am Monsieur Gargamel’s manager, Madame... Doolittle. I’ve just returned from my Roman Holiday, only to find my client greatly displeased with his accommodations. What is this... this outhouse you call a room?

HOTEL CLERKThe Napoleon Suite? Madame, this is the finest room in all the hotel. What could possibly...

GRACEFor one thing it is on the wrong floor. Nobody wants to be on the... the...

HOTEL CLERKThe 5th floor.

GRACEYes! That is too low!

HOTEL CLERKBut the 5th is our top floor.

GRACEThen build another!

Grace SMACKS her gloves against the desk again, then turns and walks away.

GRACE(to herself, exhaling)

Oh, boy.

Grace sees the elevators and decides to have a little look-A32 A32see. She enters one and pushes “5”. The button doesn’t light up. She pushes again. Just then an ASSISTANT MANAGER enters and notices.


ASSISTANT MANAGERA32 cont A32 contDo you have your key card?

GRACEYes, of course I have my key card. I am a very important guest!!

The Assistant Manager watches her, waiting.

GRACEI just... left it. I was having breakfast... at Tiffany’s... and I left it there. I’ll go back and get it.

Grace hurries out of the elevator. As the doors close behind her, she notices a sign that reads “Vestiaire des Employés - Employee Locker Room”. Grace gets an idea.


INT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - BACKSTAGE - DAY33 33

The Smurfs have snuck past the guard. They quickly scoot up the ropes and make their way across the rigging.

VANITYOh my Smurf! Look at that stage! The curtains! The lights!

(then)I feel a song coming on...

Vanity picks up a piece of something (which looks like the Phantom of the Opera mask), takes a deep breath.

VANITY(singing a la “Music of the Night”)

“Smurfly, gently...”(ALT)(singing a la “Figero”)

“Smurf-e-ro! Smurf-e-ro! Smurfero, Smurfero, Smurfero...”

Papa and Clumsy stop him.

PAPA/CLUMSY Shhh!/What are you doing?

VANITYWhat I was born to do!

[NON-SINGING ALT]

VANITYOh my Smurf! Look at that stage! The curtains! The lights!

(then)I feel a song coming on...

Papa and Clumsy shoves their hands over his mouth.

PAPA/CLUMSY Shhh!/What are you doing?

GROUCHYThis whole thing’s gonna be a smurf-tastrophe.

PAPANow why would you say that?


GROUCHY33 cont 33 contOur names are Grouchy and Clumsy - and he’s got a flower behind his ear.

CLUMSYHey, I’m a hero. You just watch...

Just then Clumsy trips and almost falls off the rigging - just catching himself. Grouchy shakes his head.

GROUCHYNo shame in giving up. Everyone home.

(ALT)Like I said. Smurf-tastrophe.

They continue towards Gargamel’s dressing room.

DOWN BELOW Azrael is sitting in the wings. He SNIFFS. A33 A33Hmmm. Azrael trots out toward the stage, where Gargamel is poised, about to amaze the crowd with is wand...

GARGAMELAll hail! As the great and exceedingly powerful Gargamel unleashes...

Just then, Azrael arrives at Gargamel’s feet.

MEOW!

GARGAMELWhat are you doing out here? How dare you! If you have to make a boom-boom, your box is out back.


Azrael MEOWS.A33 cont A33 cont

GARGAMELYou smell something suspicious? Of course you do. I’ve seen where you put your nose.

The audience LAUGHS. Gargamel doesn’t like it.

GARGAMELStop that! Why do you chortle?

MAN IN FRONT ROWLe chat est petit!

GARGAMELWhat?

MAN IN FOURTH ROWUsually, in majeek -- zee cats are very big, no? Lions. Tigers...

GARGAMELYou make a good point. On the other hand... Silence, knaves! If it is a big cat you crave, allow me to oblige.

(then)ALAKAZANIMAL!

ZAPPP! POOF! Azrael is twice the size of a tiger.

AZRAELROOOOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!

Gargamel is freaked for a moment, but quickly recovers as the audience GOES WILD. Gargamel basks in their praise.

INT. GARGAMEL’S DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS34 34

The Naughties are discussing how to crack Smurfette.

VEXYWe need to come up with some ingenious way to get Smurfette talking. Got any ideas?

HACKUS(”thinking hard”)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...


VEXY34 cont 34 contNever mind. I forgot you were... you.

ANGLE ON SMURFETTE - she is pushing against the wall of the vase, moving it slowly towards the edge of the table.

VEXYAlright, here’s my plan. We trick her into being naughty. Use all her goodness against her. Once that happens, she’ll feel like one of us and then...

Smurfette has pushed the vase half off the edge. Before she can slip out it TOPPLES over, SHATTERING on the ground.

The Naughties stop and turn just in time to see Smurfette leaping through an AIR VENT.

VEXYOh, no. Get her!


Gargamel is still on stage with Big Azrael. He can’t get a volunteer from the crowd.

GARGAMELOh, come now. One volunteer to stick their head in the little kitty’s mouth. He just ate. There’s a very good chance you’ll survive. At the very worst, lose an ear or get a bad haircut. Anyone?

Spotlights scour the crowd. No one raises their hand.

INT. EXIT TUNNEL - DAYA35 A35

Patrick backs up to avoid the spotlight - and BUMPS into someone. He turns, it’s...

VICTOR(whispering)

Hey, how’s it going?

PATRICK(shocked)

Blue! How did you--?


Blue stands next to Victor, messily eating a Nutella A35 cont A35 contcrepe.

VICTORYeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, Blue and I couldn’t let you roll solo on this. I know you and I have had our differences, but when we face danger (ALT. on foreign soil), we’re all Americans.

PATRICKWhat does that even mean??

VICTORThree generations of proud Doyle men, standing shoulder to shoulder - even though we’re all different heights and what not.

PATRICKWe are not Doyle men.


VICTORA35 cont A35 contWinslow-hyphen-Doyle. You got a real bee in your bonnet about the whole name thing.

PATRICKYou have to go.

VICTORAfter we get the Smurfette girl.

Before Patrick can stop him Victor STEPS OUT into the aisle. B35 B35Gargamel is on stage, still trying to coax a volunteer.

GARGAMEL(to crowd)

Trust me, eventually he coughs up everything he eats.

Victor calls to him.

VICTORYo! Magic man!

The SPOTLIGHT hits Victor as he marches down the aisle.

VICTORHand over the Smurfette.

GARGAMELYou -- What did you say?

VICTORAre you deaf? [alt: are ye hard of hearing?] You heard me!. Give me the Smurfette. Now!

GARGAMELWho are you? How dare you!

(raising wand to fire)ALAKAZ....

PATRICKDUCK!

GARGAMEL(firing)

Duck!(then questioning)

Duck?

Gargamel FIRES THE BLUE BEAM which hits Victor and - ZZZZAP - sure enough - transforms him into A DUCK.


VICTORB35 cont B35 contUh-oh. I’m a duck and I’m in France. I don’t like where this is headed.

(ALT)Alright. I did not see that one coming.

The audience APPLAUDS.

PATRICKNO!

The spotlight swings over to PATRICK. Gargamel recognizes him immediately.

GARGAMELGreat Merlin’s beard! I remember you!

Patrick turns his back to protect Blue as Gargamel - ZAPS! - him. Patrick lets go of Blue as he’s levitated up over the crowd. APPLAUSE. Blue watches, DELIGHTED.

BLUEDaddy can fly! Daddy can fly! Go Daddy! Go!

PATRICK(feigning “fun” for Blue)

Love you, son!


GARGAMELB35 cont B35 contIt appears we have a volunteer after all, ladies and gentlemen.

(ALT)It appears we have a volunteer at last, ladies and gentlemen.

(then)Open wide, Azrael.

Gargamel moves Patrick towards big Azrael who OPENS HIS MOUTH and ROARS! -- the audience is GOING WILD.

INT. GARGAMEL’S DRESSING ROOM - DAY36 36

The Smurfs fall in from the open transom window. Clumsy lands and immediately busts into a series of crazy, Bruce-Lee, kung-fu ninja moves - feet and hands flying everywhere.

CLUMSYWho-ya! Ki-waka!!

Clumsy kicks too high - his feet fly out and - OOOFF! - he falls on his back.

GROUCHYGood work, Clumsy. You just lost a fight to an empty room.


Patrick is floating down the aisle, about to go into Azrael’s mouth when - Victor/Duck comes FLYING WILDLY at Gargamel.

VICTOR (DUCK)(yelling)

Put him down!!!(ALT)

You’re going down!

Victor/Duck flies into Gargamel’s face, knocking him down and breaking his energy beam’s hold on Patrick.

Patrick CRASHES onto the stage in front of giant Azrael.

As Azreal is about to gobble Patrick, an errant wand blast TRANSFORMS Azreal back to normal size.

Gargamel aims at Victor/Duck...

GARGAMELCursed duck!


...but Patrick GRABS Victor the duck and DIVES off the stage. 37 cont 37 contDodging Gargamel’s wand blasts, Patrick scoops up Blue and exits to safety.


There’s a moment of stunned silence, then the audience 37 cont 37 contJUMPS TO THEIR FEET AND APPLAUDS.

GARGAMELUh... And that’s all the show we have time for today. Goodbye!

Gargamel BOWS -- then exits in a hurry.

INT. GARGAMEL’S DRESSING ROOM - DAY38 38

The Smurfs search the room. Grouchy finds the hidden panel.

GROUCHYThere’s some sort of hidden passage here.

Papa helps Grouchy slide it open. SPIRAL STAIRS lead down into darkness. Vanity comes over and peers in.

VANITY(to Grouchy)

Rage before Beauty.(ALT)

Oooh, mysterious!

Meanwhile, Clumsy is on the table. He steps on Gargamel’s TABLET. It COMES TO LIFE with a picture of Gargamel.

CLUMSYAhhh!

Freaked, Clumsy trips. The tablet falls to the ground - face up. They all look at it - Gargamel’s face glaring at them.

PAPAIt’s some sort of magic window.

Just then they hear footsteps approaching.

PAPAQuickly, Smurfs. Hide it.

They all hurry down into the trap door (taking the tablet with them) as Gargamel and Azrael enter. Gargamel seems extremely on edge.

GARGAMELNaughties? Smurfette? Where are you?! Your Papa's back!

BEHIND THE HIDDEN DOORA38 A38


CLUMSYA38 cont A38 cont(whispering, shocked)

Her “Papa”???

Papa’s face flares with anger. Just then the trap door opens. The Smurfs back into the shadows as Gargamel looks around.

GARGAMELAre you down there?!!

Nothing. WHAM! Gargamel drops the door and the Smurfs FALL DOWN THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE.

UP ABOVE Gargamel turns to Azrael.B38 B38

GARGAMELThey must have retreated to the hotel.

AZRAEL MEOWS.

Gargamel snaps back at him.

GARGAMELOf course, we’re running out of time! If Patrick of New Yorkshire is here... Papa can’t be far behind.

Gargamel and Azrael exit.

INT. GARGAMEL’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - CONTINUOUS39 39

Clumsy taps the tablet and the LIGHT FROM THE SCREEN ILLUMINATES... the sewer under the Opera House - massive tunnels, tiled walls. And in the center of it all... a HUGE TERRIFYING MACHINE -- rows and rows of Smurf-sized containers... tubes that lead to a GIGANTIC VAT.

VANITYOh my Smurf.

PAPAIt’s a giant smurfalator.

GROUCHYWhy’s it so big?


CLUMSY39 cont 39 contGuys...

Clumsy holds up the tablet. We see “PHASE 10: TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF SMURF VILLAGE”. They all stare HORRIFIED by the image of the smoldering village.

VANITY(backhand to forehead)

Need a catch please.

Vanity FAINTS - falling backwards into Grouchy’s arms.

EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY40 40

Smurfette hurries down an alley trying to get away. She sees the Naughties enter the alley behind her. She runs faster.

EXT. OPERA HOUSE/STAGE DOOR - DAY41 41

Gargamel and Azrael come out the stage door. Gargamel sees the awaiting crowd.

GARGAMELWhy is no one kneeling? Haven’t we been over this, people?

Gargamel ZAPS the crowd. They FALL to their knees in unison. Azrael gives Gargamel a look.

GARGAMEL(to Azrael)

It doesn’t mean as much if I have to keep doing it myself. I want them to want to kneel.

INT. GARGAMEL’S CARRIAGE - DAY42 42

Azrael rolls his eyes as they get into the carriage. Gargamel sits and then...

ODILE (O.S.)Senor Gargamel...

ODILE is sitting opposite him in the carriage, her long beautiful legs crossed in front of her.

GARGAMEL(shocked)

What are you doing here?


(MORE)

And why are you displaying your 42 cont 42 contlegs in this fashion?

(ALT)Why are your legs so long?

ODILEDid you think that you could escape to France and avoid me? We had a deal.

GARGAMELWhat deal? I have urgent matters to attend to. Be gone with you!

ODILEYou promised to share your secret beauty formula with me. Remember?

Odile MOVES NEXT TO HIM.

ODILEFor one day, your incredible formula transformed my mother back into a ravishing beauty. Now, my clients are all begging for it. Even my teenage daughter wants to try it... And she’s like me...

Odile seductively plays with what little hair he has.

ODILE... she always gets what she wants.

Gargamel perks up. He grabs Odile’s hand to stop her from playing with his hair.

GARGAMELYou have a stubborn, intractable daughter?

ODILEYou have no idea.

GARGAMELSuddenly you are of interest to me.

(to driver)Onward horseman!

(to driver)Giddy-up, horseman!


GARGAMEL (CONT'D)

EXT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - DAY43 43

As the carriage pulls away the CAMERA HOLDS and we see... Patrick coming out of the Opera House holding Blue and being trailed by Victor/Duck.

NOTE: JUST AS VICTOR IS UNKEMPT AND SLOVENLY AS A HUMAN, SO IS HE IN DUCK FORM - LOOSE FEATHERS, FOOD PARTICLES ON HIS BILL, ETC.

PATRICKWe had a deal. Didn’t we have a deal? You were going to watch Blue in the hotel.

VICTOR (DUCK)What are you so cross about? I’m the duck.

PATRICKBecause you’re always barging in and ruining everything. You're like a walking disaster.

VICTOR (DUCK)Look me in the eyes and say that.

PATRICKI can't.

VICTOR (DUCK)That’s right. ‘Cause it’s not true.

PATRICKNo, because your eyes are on the sides of your head!

VICTOR (DUCK)Ah! All the better for me to see your disrespect.


Victor turns his head and GLARES AT HIM WITH ONE EYE. 43 cont 43 contPatrick shakes his head and keeps walking.

PATRICKCould you please hurry up?

VICTOR (DUCK)Hey, I’m waddling as fast as I can, alright? Maybe if you laid out a trail of bread crumbs, I might be inclined to walk faster.

(ALT)Quack, quack. I can’t go any quacker.

EXT. SIDE OF OPERA HOUSE - DAYA43 A43

Patrick rounds a corner - and SEES THE SMURFS climbing out of a sewer grate with the Sony tablet. He hurries over.

PATRICKPapa! What happened?

PAPAWe must find Smurfette quickly. Gargamel is hatching a terrible, terrible plan.

Grouchy can’t help but notice...

GROUCHYWhat’s with the duck?

PATRICKNo, that’s Victor. Gargamel turned him into a giant duck.

GROUCHYBad country to be walking around in as a duck.

VICTORThat’s what I said.


EXT. SMALL PARIS SIDE STREET - DAY44 44

Smurfette is running down a small street. She reaches the intersection and stops. In front of her is a bustling Paris square - shops, people, buses, scooters. She’s overwhelmed.

The pursuing Naughties finally catch up. Vexy NODS TO HACKUS. She points to an old fashioned European CANDY STORE across the street.

VEXYGo get yourself in trouble. Even you can manage that.

HACKUSTrouble! Trouble! Hackus love trouble!

Hackus scurries off as Vexy approaches Smurfette.

VEXYHey Blondie, where are you going?


Smurfette stares blankly - lost. Finally realizing she’s 44 cont 44 contgot nothing... no one.

SMURFETTELeave me alone.

VEXYAren’t you tired of being alone?

(then)I don’t know how you did it, living in that village. I could never stay somewhere I didn’t belong.

Smurfette looks at her. Someone who understands?

VEXYLook, Smurfette. I didn’t kidnap you... I brought you home.

Smurfette studies Vexy. Could she really mean well?

Suddenly they hear SCREAMS. Vexy looks into the Candy Store where she sees CHAOS - customers fleeing. In the middle of it all is HACKUS - SWINGING AROUND ON A GIANT LICORICE WHIP - being chased by the CANDYMAN - with a huge WOODEN CUTTING BOARD in his hand.

Hackus shoots gum balls out of his mouth like a water sprinkler -- “phoomp! phoomp! phoomp!” Then ‘chachachacha,’ he resumes from his starting point.

BAM BAM BAM: Hackus fires, machine-gum style, into a huge jar of jawbreakers which SHATTERS, sending little balls all over the floor.

Candyman YELPS as his feet go every-which-way. He sails out of frame with an O.S. CRASH.

Unfortunately, Hackus’ own gumball “recoil” sends him flying backwards, hard into a bowl of nuts...

HACKUSOooh! Right in the nuts.

He struggles in vain to climb out.

BACK OUTSIDE Vexy turns to Smurfette.

VEXYSmurfette! He’s gonna be killed! We have to help!

SMURFETTEBut...


VEXY44 cont 44 contI thought you were supposed to be good?


Vexy races into the Candy Store. Smurfette hesitates, 44 cont 44 contconfused. WHOSE SIDE IS SHE ON? Then her innate compassion kicks in - and she rushes in. VEXY SMILES. Got her!

INT. CANDY STORE - CONTINUOUS45 45

As the customers clear out of the store, the Candyman with the cutting board is now joined by a YOUNGER HELPER. The Candyman wields his spatula, the Younger Helper a frosting gun. They’ve got Hackus cornered.

Smurfette enters the shop and sees a SPOON ON THE COUNTER. She gets on one end and yells...

SMURFETTEVexy!

Vexy understands.

VEXYOooh, naughty!

Vexy jumps on the other end of the spoon, launching Smurfette in the air.


Smurfette lands on a JELLY FILLED DONUT. The jelly SQUIRTS 45 cont 45 contOUT -right into the Candyman’s eyes. He STUMBLES backwards and FALLS into some pans and trays. Smurfette then picks up a RUBBER SPATULA and whirls it at the young helper. It causes him to misfire the frosting gun into the face of the Candyman - who crashes into some shelves - taking out both of them.

Smurfette looks at Vexy and points - teamwork. Vexy points back - WOW! This girl’s got game!

Smurfette grabs Hackus and they JUMP onto a cart - which starts rolling. Hackus SNUGGLES INTO HER lovingly as Vexy RUNS and LEAPS on. The cart ROLLS OUT THE BACK DOOR.

EXT. ALLEY - DAY46 46

VEXYNice move - stealing a cart!

SMURFETTEI didn’t steal it!

VEXYIt’s not yours, is it?

HACKUSNaughty, naughty, naughty!

VEXYSee, maybe we’re not so different after all?

(ALT)See? You’re just like us.

Smurfette has no answer. She looks conflicted. Could Vexy be right?

INT. GARGAMEL’S CARRIAGE - CONTINUOUS47 47

Gargamel is riding in his carriage with Odile.

GARGAMELTell me how you bend this horrible daughter of yours to your will.

(ALT)Tell me how you bend this horrible daughter of yours to your will - without killing her, of course.

(then)Yet.


ODILE47 cont 47 cont(moving in close)

As soon as you give me your secret formula...

GARGAMELLook, if anyone is going to get a secret formula, it is I!

ODILEWhat are you talking about?

Just then Azrael SPOTS the Naughties and Smurfette A47 A47rolling out of the alley in the cart. Azreal MEOWS.

GARGAMEL47 cont 47 contNot now, Azrael.

Azrael MEOWS again. “Not now!” MEOW! “Not now!” MEOW! “Not now!” Azrael and Gargamel get into a human/cat SLAP FIGHT until Gargamel grabs Azrael and throws him OUT OF THE CARRIAGE. Gargamel continues with Odile.

GARGAMELNow, back to your evil spawn.

EXT. STREET - DAY48 48

The cart with Smurfette and the Naughties comes flying out of the alley, hits a curb, and flips. Smurfette and the Naughties fall right into... a big MUD PUDDLE. Hackus takes a slurp of the mud.

HACKUSYum, pudding.

SMURFETTEThat’s not pudding! It’s mud.

HACKUSYum, mud.

He goes back for more.

Just then, they hear a HISS. They look up and see... AZRAEL! - who POUNCES. They dive out of the way as Azrael lands SPLAT in the mud puddle.


EXT. TUILERIES FOUNTAIN - DAY49 49

Up ahead Smurfette spots a high fashion maternity shoot; two FRENCH MODELS DRESSED LIKE STORKS are holding “bundled babies”. Three or four ACTUAL STORKS stands near them. SNAP, SNAP, SNAP. They’re posing, puckering, etc.

SMURFETTEQuick! Get on the storks!

They run down the street. Smurfette and Vexy leap onto one stork. Hackus - always confused - LEAPS ONTO THE BACK OF ONE OF THE STORK-CLAD MODELS.

HACKUSHackus! Hackus! Hackus!

The Model FREAKS and SCREAMS, swatting frantically at the creature on her back. Vexy shakes her head.

VEXYCan you believe we’re related to him?

SMURFETTEWell... It’s nice to be related to someone.

(then)No, Hackus! A real stork!

The storks start FLAPPING and TAKE OFF. Hackus leaps from his terrified Model onto an empty stork - but he’s facing the wrong way. The two storks SAIL into the sky.

EXT. PARIS SKIES - DAYA49 A49

They soar over the city. The Naughties look down. They’ve never done anything like this. They’re blown away.

VEXYI can see forever!!

HACKUS(hiding his eyes)

It’s like flying!

Smurfette shakes her head in disbelief.

VEXYDid you do this a lot back in Smurf Village with your sisters?


SMURFETTEA49 cont A49 contLots of flying. Never had a sister.

(ALT 1)Lots of flying. No sisters. Well, there was my girlfriend in this realm...

(ALT 2)Lots of flying. No sisters. But there was my best friend Grace...


VEXYA49 cont A49 cont(cuts her off)

Well, you’ve got one now!(ALT)

Well, you’ve got a sister now!

Vexy smiles and swoops her stork down. Hackus’ stork follows. The endless skyline before her, Smurfette hesitates a beat before joining in.

HACKUSHackus happy! Hackus happy!

Seeing him still riding backwards, Smurfette dives after him.

SMURFETTETurn around! Before you get yourself killed!

Hackus awkwardly does as he’s told, just missing a crash.

HACKUS(re: going forward)

Oooooh! More like flying! Smurfette save Hackus! Hackus glad!

VEXYThat’s twice now.

Smurfette tries to ignore Vexy as they approach Île des Cygnes where Smurfette sees the MINI STATUE OF LIBERTY. They fly by.

SMURFETTE(re: Statue of Liberty)

Wow! They’ve got these everywhere!

INT. GARGAMEL’S CARRIAGE - DAY50 50

Odile is taking a different approach with Gargamel.

ODILESo this daughter of yours is making you blue?

GARGAMELNo, no, no! She’s not making anything blue. That’s the problem. I’ve tried yelling, hypnosis, crushing her dreams, yet she remains unyielding. It makes me want to...


ODILE50 cont 50 contCry?

GARGAMELFlush her down the toilet. And soon her tiny, bearded step-father will be here to ruin everything!

ODILEHave you tried ... kindness?

GARGAMELKindness?

ODILESome praise maybe. A gift? Even the most stubborn of us would respond to that. Don’t you think...


(MORE)

(gagging)50 cont 50 cont...my strappingly handsome genius?

GARGAMELHmmm. Bribery and flattery to soften her stoney heart. Counter-intuitive, yes...but it just might work.

HARD CUT TO:

ODILEGood. Now, your turn. What is the secret to staying beautiful?

GARGAMELYou’re a cunning wench and you’ve served me well. Allow me to express my heartfelt appreciation.

EXT. PARIS STREET - DAY51 51

WIDE SHOT of the passing carriage. The door opens and... ODILE is TOSSED OUT. She sits up in the street as the carriage continues on.

ODILEWhy must all the geniuses be lunatics?

(ALT)Ay! The streets of Paris are even harder than I remember.

INT. QUAINT HOTEL - PATRICK AND GRACE’S SUITE - DAY52 52

A simple two bedroom suite. Patrick, Blue, and the Smurfs enter. Grace is there, still wearing the skirt-suit.

GRACEHow’d it go?

GROUCHYHow do I think it went? I’m with Mr. Stumble-bumble and Johnny Goodhair. Let’s just say, it was a complete smurf-wreck.

(ALT)It was a complete smurf-wreck.


ODILE (CONT'D)

CLUMSY52 cont 52 contNo it wasn’t. We didn’t find Smurfette, but at least we know Gargamel’s plan.

PATRICKHe took her because she knows the secret to turning his fake pale Smurfs blue.

PAPAHe’d be able to make enough essence to rule the world.

VANITYAnd obliterate Smurf Village.

GROUCHYIt’s the smurfin’ Smurf-ocalypse!

(ALT)It’s smurfin’ Smurf-ageddon.

GRACEBut Smurfette would never tell him.

CLUMSYNever. Right, Papa?

Papa looks WORRIED, but TRIES TO HIDE IT.

PAPA(hiding his concern)

Uh... Of course not. There’s nothing to worry about there.

GRACE(looking around)

Where’s Vic?

PATRICKOh, right...

Patrick crosses to the window.

PATRICKThey wouldn’t let him through the lobby so he’s flying up.

Huh? Patrick opens the window and Victor/Duck walks in off the sill.


VICTOR (DUCK)52 cont 52 contHey, Gracie. Give us a hug, darlin’.

Victor/Duck opens his wings wide - a few feathers fall off. Grace stares, shocked.

BLUEGrampa Vicster is a duck!

PATRICKGargamel zapped him.

GRACE(to Papa)

Can you turn him back?

PAPAIt’s a transformation spell. It can only last so long.

VICTOR (DUCK)Everybody, relax. It’s not a problem. But if you see me lay an egg, it’s just between us.

GRACEYou don’t seem very upset.

VICTOR (DUCK)It’s not in a duck's nature to get upset. We like to let things... roll off our backs.

PATRICKSeriously? You actually said that?

PAPAThat’s very smurfy of him.


VICTOR (DUCK)52 cont 52 contThank you.

(to Patrick)The little Santa Claus-smurf appreciates me. Maybe someday you’ll learn to appreciate my smurfy qualities too...

PATRICKI’m not having this conversation with a duck.

Patrick SNEEZES.

PATRICKAnd now I’m catching a cold.

GROUCHYOf course you are! Everything that can go wrong, will. It’s Smurfy’s Law!

CLUMSYWould you stop being so negative?

GROUCHYI’m not negative. I’m just saying...

Vanity HOLDS HIS MIRROR UP for Grouchy to see himself.

GROUCHY(into mirror)

...we’re in a hopeless situation we’ll never get out of and we’re definitely gonna be miserable or dead for the rest of our lives!

(then, re: himself)Holy Smurf! I’m a downer!

VICTOR (DUCK)Listen to me, Grouchy-fella. Nobody ever accomplished anything positive by being negative. Okay?

PAPAThat’s a good one. I like that.

All the Smurfs agree “Good saying!” “Very clever!”.


VICTOR (DUCK)52 cont 52 contThank you. I just made that up... What am I talking about? It’s from a calendar I keep on my desk. I send one to Patrick every year, but he never lets on he gets them.

PAPAThat’s not nice, Master Winslow, you should thank people for gifts.

Patrick reacts incredulously.

VANITYHey, everybody, let’s sing a song.

Victor joins in the La-La-lala-la song.

Patrick rolls his eyes, then turns to Grace.

PATRICKHow ‘bout you? Any luck finding Gargamel’s room?

GRACEYeah. He’s on the 5th floor. In the Napoleon Suite. And here’s the good news.

(proud of herself)I borrowed a waiter’s outfit for you - complete with a security card for the elevator.

PATRICKHow’d you manage that?

GRACEThe Plaza Athenee laundry room was paid a little visit by Audrey Hepburn’s granddaughter - international apparel inspector...

(with a flourish)...”Madamoiselle Doolittle!”


Patrick stares at her confused. 52 cont 52 cont

GRACEI’m like smurfin’ Meryl Streep.

ANGLE ON Papa looking out the window. A deep breath, then...

PAPAI hope our Smurfette’s okay.

EXT. SKY - DAY53 53

Smurfette and the Naughties are flying over the city. The time of their lives. Smurfette sees Hackus is about to fall off...

SMURFETTEHackus!

Smurfette leaps onto the stork with Hackus and rights it. Hackus wraps his arms around Smurfette and holds on.

HACKUS(hugging Smurfette)

Smurfette soft.

Vexy calls to Smurfette.

VEXYHey, you wanna race?

SMURFETTEThat depends. You wanna lose?

Vexy gets a devilish look in her eye.

VEXYOh, it’s on!

Vexy SWOOPS her stork down.

SMURFETTE(to Hackus)

Hold on tight.

HACKUS(delighted)

Okay.

Hackus nuzzles into Smurfette blissfully as Smurfette giggles and swoops after Vexy. The two girls lead each other through an unbelievable FLYING OBSTACLE COURSE RACE slaloming through the incredible sights of Paris.


Along the way, Hackus gets ice cream in the face, doused 53 cont 53 contby a fountain, and somehow ends up wearing a skirt.

OMITTED54 54

EXT. RUE MONTORGUEIL - DAY55 55

In the market street, Gargamel hurries down the sidewalk.

GARGAMEL(muttering to himself)

Kindness... gifts...

He’s stopped by a WOMAN selling CHOCOLATES.

WOMAN SELLING CHOCOLATESDu chocolat pour votre fille?

GARGAMELOut of my way, hag!

(then, to self again)Kindness... kindness...

WHUF! He shoves her aside. At the next stall is an angel-faced GIRL holding beautiful FLOWERS.

FLOWER GIRLDes fleurs, monsieur?

GARGAMELAww, what a delightful, gibberish- blathering [-spewing] urchin.

(then)Can’t you see I’m thinking of kindness?! You meddlesome little troll!

Gargamel pushes past the girl, looking from shop to shop.

GARGAMELWhat the devil does one give to express kindness?!

He turns and sees something in A TOY STORE WINDOW. Gargamel lights up.

GARGAMELAhhh. What young woman’s heart wouldn’t be won by that?

(alt)Ah! What daughter of mine doesn’t dream of that?!


In the display is a “Gargamania Junior Magic Kit” complete 55 cont 55 contwith a Gargamel action figure and Junior Wand.


INT. QUAINT HOTEL - BEDROOM - DAY56 56

Patrick is putting on the waiter’s uniform as he complains to Grace.

PATRICKHe had no business being there.

GRACEHe was just trying to help.

PATRICKGetting turned into a duck is not a help. And why are you taking his side?

GRACELook Patrick, I grew up in Northern Canada. I didn’t have a relative for a thousand miles. I used to make pretend brothers and sisters out of snow. Then every spring I had to watch my extended family melt.

PATRICK(mumbling)

I wish Vic would melt. Or molt. (alt)

Ooooh. Maybe Vic will melt. Or molt.

GRACELook, I get it. Victor is loud and pushy and has some big time boundary issues. But he’s here, isn’t he? He shows up.

PATRICKWhether you want him to or not.

GRACEWell I always heard showing up was 90% of the job. Lots of fathers don’t even do that.

PATRICKHe’s not my father.


GRACE 56 cont 56 contWell that’s too bad, because it pretty much leaves you without one.

Grace exits into the living room. Patrick takes that in for a moment, then follows. We LINGER to reveal:

Victor the Duck waddles in from the balcony, his wings sag. This is one slight that won’t roll off his back.

IN THE LIVING ROOM Patrick rallies the Smurfs.57 57

PATRICKAlright, guys. Game on.

Grace picks up Blue.

GRACEI’ll stay here with Blue.

PATRICKAnd Vic.

VICTOR (DUCK)Actually...

PATRICKNo “actually’s”. And this time I mean it!

(alt:)No “actually’s” Vic. I mean it. Unless you actually stay put.

Patrick turns to the others.

PATRICKLet’s go.

They all head for the door.

GROUCHYWe’re gonna get Smurfette this time. One hundred percent guaranteed!

Everyone stops. They turn and look at Grouchy.

PAPAWhat did you just say, Grouchy?

GROUCHYDon’t call me Grouchy anymore.

(ALT)


(MORE)

No longer shall I be called 57 cont 57 contGrouchy.

(cont) I am changing my tune. From now on...

(hands on hips)...I am Positive Smurf.

ALT:

GROUCHY(hands on hips, throws shoulders back)

...I am Positive Smurf!(then)

Ow, I hurt my back.

PAPAYou’ll get the hang of it.


GROUCHY (CONT'D)

INT. PLAZA ATHENEE HOTEL - SERVICE AREA - AFTERNOON58 58

Azrael enters, wet and muddy. A BELL MAN spots him.

BELL MANAh, le chat VIP. Please, I will take you to your room.

The Bell Man leads Azrael to the elevator. They pass a telephone that rings. A HOTEL DESK CLERK answers.

HOTEL DESK CLERKRoom service.

INT. CAB - CONTINUOUS59 59

Patrick and the Smurfs are in a Toyota cab. Patrick is on his cell doing an eerily good Gargamel impersonation.

PATRICK (DOING GARGAMEL)...Listen well, you slack-jawed knave.

HOTEL CLERK Hello, Monsieur Gargamel.

PATRICK (DOING GARGAMEL) I want ale, curds and blistered meats sent to my room in ten minutes - or I will turn you into a legless tree sloth!

Patrick hangs up. He looks over at the Smurfs.

PATRICKHow was that...

(chillingly well)Smurrrrrfs??

Clumsy and Grouchy shudder and cower behind Papa.


PATRICK59 cont 59 contGuys, relax. I’m just messing (ALT: smurfing) with you.

PAPAThat is just not funny, Master Winslow.

INT. QUAINT HOTEL - PATRICK AND GRACE’S SUITE - AFTERNOON60 60

The CAMERA PANS across the open bedroom door. Inside we see Grace and Blue have fallen asleep. The CAMERA LANDS on Victor/Duck, who standing on the coffee table, bored to death. He’s FLIPPING THROUGH THE DRINK COASTERS that have various pictures of waterfowl.


VICTOR (DUCK)60 cont 60 contDuck. Duck. Duck. Goose.

Just then something catches his eye on the rug by the door. He waddles over to find... THE KEY CARD. Oh no! It must’ve fallen out of the uniform!

VICTOR (DUCK)Whoa! Patrick’s key card. He’s gonna need this.

Victor looks at the open window.

VICTOR (DUCK) I’ll show him I’m more than just some...eccentric waterfowl!

INT. PLAZA ATHENEE - KITCHEN - AFTERNOON61 61

Patrick enters the HUGE BUSTLING KITCHEN dressed as a waiter. He finds a food cart marked “MSSR GARGAMEL. SUITE NAPOLEON.”

PATRICKLe bingo.

(ALT)Bingo.

He discretely pushes the cart out the double doors into...

THE SERVICE HALLWAY where he opens his white coat and the A61 A61Smurfs slip out. They head for the dome covered food dishes.

PATRICKOkay guys, listen. When we get in the room, if there’s any problem...

GROUCHYThere’s no such thing as problems, my friend. Only smurfitunities.

VANITYYou’re freaking me out, Grouchy.

GROUCHY(angrily)

I’m Positive Smurf!

They reach the service elevator. Patrick pushes the cart in, takes out his ELEVATOR KEY, swipes it, and hits the top button. Just then...


VICTOR (O.S.)A61 cont A61 contPsst. Patrick Winslow-Doyle!

Patrick sticks his head out of the elevator and sees Victor/Duck hiding behind a plant.

PATRICKWhat are you doing here?

VICTOR (DUCK)Saving your tail feather. Now c’mere! I got something you need for your mission.

Patrick stares at him.

VICTOR (DUCK)Hurry up. There’s no time to argue!

Patrick steps out of the elevator. Victor proudly displays...

VICTOR (DUCK)It’s the security card for the elevator.

PATRICK(holding up)

I have the security card.(re: Victor’s card)

That’s our room key.

VICTOR (DUCK)Oh.

(then)Well, now when you come back, you’ll be able to get in - no problem.

Victor slides over the card.

VICTOR (DUCK)You’re welcome.

Just then the doors to the elevator start to close. Patrick rushes over, but... it’s too late. It’s heading up.

PATRICKNo!

Victor lowers his ducky head with a SIGH.


Just then a SOUS-CHEF passes, wearing a large set of red A61 cont A61 contBeats headphones, head bobbing to the music, and sees a duck behind a plant.


SOUS-CHEFA61 cont A61 cont(speaking a little too loudly)

How did you get out!? We need you for the duck a l’orange!

(ALT)How did you get out?!

The Sous-Chef grabs Victor/Duck.

VICTOR (DUCK)Put me down!

The Sous-Chef doesn’t hear Victor over the music in his headphones.

VICTOR (DUCK)Hey!!! You wanna piece of me? ....No no no, that’s not what I meant.

Sous-Chef continues to the kitchen... right past a sign that reads “SPÉCIALE DE CE SOIR - DUCK A L’ORANGE”. Victor looks back at Patrick wide-eyed.

VICTOR (DUCK)Oh sure, it starts with the ducks, but soon, no one is safe!

Patrick shakes his head.

PATRICKUnbelievable...

(ALT)Unduckingbelievable...

(alt)What a quack.

Patrick doesn’t want to... but he follows after the waiter.

EXT. PENTHOUSE FLOOR/HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS62 62

DING! The service elevator opens. The food cart sits there. One of the domed lids tilts up and the Smurfs peek out.

PAPAMaster Winslow? Where are you?

Just then a ROOM SERVICE WAITER comes down the hall. The Smurfs quickly drop the dome. The waiter sees the unmanned cart, checks the ticket...


ROOM SERVICE WAITER62 cont 62 contMssr Gargamel??

Eager not to anger a volatile guest, he pulls the cart from the elevator and pushes it towards the Napoleon suite.

EXT. PLAZA ATHENEE - LOBBY - AFTERNOON63 63

A happy looking Gargamel approaches the hotel. The DOORMEN is KNEELING to TIE HIS SHOE. He looks up and sees...

DOORMENMonsieur Gargamel.

Gargamel stops. He can’t believe someone is finally on his knees.

GARGAMEL(re: kneeling)

Aargamel the Perfect be praised. Finally. Someone gets me!


(MORE)

(then, to a passing 63 cont 63 contpedestrian)

Is this so hard?

Gargamel enters the hotel.

INT. GARGAMEL’S SUITE - AFTERNOON64 64

The door opens and the Room Service Waiter pushes the cart inside where... a freshly bathed Azrael sits on an ottoman.

ROOM SERVICE WAITER‘Allo, kee-tee. Ere is jour room service.

UNDER THE DOMED LID - the Smurfs whisper.

PAPAWe’re in.

VANITYWhat do we do now?

CLUMSYWhat Gutsy would do: kick blue butt and take names at a later time. Let’s light this fuse!

Before the others can object, Clumsy THROWS OFF THE LID and strikes a KARATE POSE...

CLUMSYHiii-yaaa!

...then slips and falls. Azreal and the Waiter see the Smurfs. The WAITER FREAKS.

ROOM SERVICE WAITERAhhhhhhh!

Reflexively, the Waiter PUSHES the cart away - then turns and runs for the door.

THE CART goes rolling towards the open French doors - but it is too wide to fit through the opening. CLUNK! It slams to a stop in the doorway but the momentum sends all the plates - with the Smurfs on them - SLIDING and CRASHING onto the balcony.

Caught in the cascade of food and plates, the Smurfs slide A64 A64all the way across the balcony, barely catching on to the iron railing to keep from going over the side. Grouchy looks down at the five story drop they barely avoided.


GARGAMEL (CONT'D)

GROUCHYA64 cont A64 cont(to Clumsy)

Are you smurfin’ kidding me?! You nearly... I mean, good try.

Vanity crawls out of the mess, COVERED IN FOOD SLIME.

VANITY(disgusted)

Oh. My. Smurf. I’m covered in filth.

Suddenly, Azrael jumps up on the cart and HISSES! Vanity sees himself reflected in the cat’s eyes.

VANITYBut I admit, I wear it well.

(ALT:)Does anyone have a mint?

(off their looks)If this is going to be my last breath, I want it to be fresh.

Azrael crouches to pounce. Vanity DIVES BACK into the food and plate wreckage - as do the other Smurfs. Azrael LEAPS AT THEM but in mid-air... two storks come SOARING IN the open French doors and KNOCK Azrael back into the room.

IN THE SUITE - storks are flapping madly around the room. One B64 B64stork knocks a champagne bucket over. It falls on Azrael, TRAPPING HIM UNDERNEATH.

SMURFETTEThat will do, stork.


Vexy and Smurfette shoo the storks out and then Hackus B64 cont B64 contSLAMS the doors shut. The door latch falls into place - LOCKED.

Smurfette and the Naughties are caught up in the exuberance of the adventure they just had.

VEXYThat was awesome!

SMURFETTEHigh fours!

Smurfette high-fours Hackus...

HACKUSHackus happy! Hackus happy! BWAMOOOAGAGAMOOGA!!!

...then Smurfette turns to Vexy. She feels connected in a way she hasn’t in a long while. Enjoying the moment, Smurfette pulls Vexy into a hug. Vexy freaks out!

VEXYWhat are you doing?!!

SMURFETTE(letting go)

I’m just hugging you. Haven’t you ever been hugged?

Vexy’s silence says everything. Smurfette steps up and hugs her again. This time, Vexy tentatively alows it. Hackus sees this.

HACKUSHackus hug! Hackus hug!

Hackus joins in, too. One big embrace - a true Smurf Hug.

ON THE BALCONY the Smurfs emerge again from the food C64 C64rubble. They see Smurfette for the first time...

CLUMSYThere she is!

...but she’s hugging the pale Smurfs...

GROUCHYWhat is she doing?


BACK INSIDE, Smurfette turns and SEES HER REFLECTION IN THE D64 D64GLASS DOOR -- (it’s like a mirror and she clearly can’t see out onto the balcony) Her clothes are torn and dirty, her hair dark with grit, half-cut off. She FITS IN PERFECTLY.

VEXY(re: reflection)

See? Now that’s the real you.

Smurfette nods. Yeah, maybe it is.

ON THE BALCONY Papa and the others watch - shocked. E64 E64They all try and call to her...

SMURFSSmurfette! Smurfette!

...but she can’t hear them.

VANITYWow, she’s really let herself go.

PAPAShe’s confused. Help me get this door open.

GROUCHYIt’s called Smurf-holme syndrome. You become sympathetic to your captors.

PAPAWe have to get to her before she turns!

Papa and the Smurfs rush to the sliding door. Just as...

INSIDE the front door of the suite opens and GARGAMEL ENTERS.65 65

GARGAMEL(reminding self)

Kindness... kindness... kindness...(SHUDDERS, then)

Ahem. Little children, Daddy’s home! And he brought presents - in order to express kindness towards you!

OUT ON THE BALCONY, the Smurfs freeze. A65 A65


PAPAA65 cont A65 contGargamel!

CLUMSYHe’s gonna kill her! We have to get her out of there!!

They desperately try and open the door, but it’s locked.

INSIDE, Gargamel crosses to Smurfette with a wrapped present. B65 B65

GARGAMELI think we got off on the wrong foot. Happy Birthday, my dear. Seems like only yesterday you were my little gob of clay and assorted putrid ingredients.

Smurfette is surprised.

SMURFETTEYou remembered my birthday?

GARGAMELOf course. We’re family. Families don’t forget things like that.By the way, your little blue step-papa never came, did he? I'm so sorry. That must really sting. Perhaps this little trinket will cheer you up.

(handing her the gift)Happy Birthday.

OUT ON THE BALCONY - Papa and the others stop. They watch in C65 C65dismay as Smurfette accepts the gift from Gargamel.


PAPAC65 cont C65 contOh, no.

INT. PLAZA ATHENEE - KITCHEN - AFTERNOON66 66

Patrick sneaks into a back room storage area. Inside is a pen with a dozen live ducks wandering around. Patrick SNEEZES as he approaches the pen. He tries to identify Victor.

PATRICKAlright, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and smells like a corndog...

One duck raises its wing.

VICTORHey, those corndogs put a roof over your head!

PATRICKLet’s go.

Patrick reaches for Victor. Victor backs off.

VICTORWhoa, whoa, whoa! What about my brothers? We can’t just leave them here - to get eaten.

PATRICKYou just met them!

Victor puts his wings around two ducks.

VICTORThis is my flock. I can’t just leave ‘em behind.

(ALT)Birds of a feather, my friend. Birds of a feather.

(ALT)Where there’s a quill, there’s a way.

Patrick clenches his jaw, beyond frustrated.

INT. GARGAMEL’S SUITE - AFTERNOON67 67

Smurfette is still looking at her wrapped present.


GARGAMEL67 cont 67 contGo ahead, my dear. Open your gift.

Smurfette hesitates. Hackus can’t stand the anticipation any longer. He dives on the present and starts ripping it open.

HACKUSHackus open! Hackus open!

It’s the Gargamel action figure.

HACKUS(a la Gargamel)

Bow! Kneel! BWAMOOOAGAGAMOOGA!!

Smurfette and Vexy laugh. Gargamel is less pleased.

GARGAMEL(for Smurfette’s benefit)

Ha, ha, ha. Delightful rendition.(then, sotto to Hackus)

Keep it up no-neck and I’ll turn you into a cross-eyed newt.

Hackus goes quiet. Meanwhile, Smurfette picks up the tiny wand from the gift set and examines it. Gargamel sees her.

GARGAMELYes. A [ALT: magic] wand of your very own. Do you like it? Oh, silly me. I forgot to turn it on.

Gargamel pours one drop of essence into her wand.

GARGAMELThere we are. Go on. Don’t be afraid.

(ALT ADD)It’s your birthright.

Smurfette stares at the wand, then turns it towards Gargamel.

SMURFETTEHow do you know I won’t use it on you?

Gargamel didn’t think of that. He fakes a smile.

GARGAMELHow do I... I...

(then, composed)Because Smurfette, I am your father. Search your feelings - you know it to be true.


(MORE)

(ALT)67 cont 67 contYou wouldn’t hurt your own father.


GARGAMEL (CONT'D)

She looks at Gargamel, raises the wand...67 cont 67 cont

ON THE BALCONY the Smurfs watch Smurfette with the wand.A67 A67

GROUCHYShe’s gonna zap him!

CLUMSYGet him Smurfette!

INSIDE, Smurfette, a bit intoxicated, fires at the wet bar. B67 B67Bottles POP, champagne shoots out everywhere. Everyone CHEERS.


SMURFETTEB67 cont B67 contCan you sing the La-La-La song?

GARGAMELI’d rather not.

SMURFETTEPlease, it’s what I do at home.

Gargamel begrudgingly starts to sing.

Smurfette suddenly turns and ZAPS the upside down champagne bucket - it flies against the wall. Azrael FALLS OUT - landing on the floor. A beat then - CLONK! - the bucket falls on his head.

Everyone LAUGHS again! Gargamel steps up behind Smurfette, holding the wand -- just like in her nightmare.

GARGAMELWonderful. Wonderful.

(then)You truly are daddy’s little girl.

(ALT)See, Smurfette. Don’t you feel at home?

ON THE BALCONY the Smurfs can’t believe their eyes.C67 C67

CLUMSY(despairing)

Papa, what’s happening?

INSIDE Smurfette takes aim at the giant mirror on the wall.D67 D67

ON THE BALCONY Papa can see Smurfette’s reflection in the E67 E67mirror. It looks like SHE’S POINTING THE WAND RIGHT AT THEM.

PAPANo!

Smurfette fires. The BOLT OF ENERGY RICOCHETS off the mirror F67 F67and shoots through the glass doors - right into the Smurfs.

The SMURFS GO SAILING BACKWARDS - off the balcony... G67 G67

EXT. BACK DOORS - PLAZA ATHENEE - LATE AFTERNOON68 68

The hotel service doors open. A GAGGLE OF DUCKS RUSHES/FLIES out. Behind them is an angry Patrick carrying Victor/Duck.


VICTOR68 cont 68 contTake to the skies lads! Free at last! Free at last!

PATRICKWhat are you? Martin Luther Wing?

(ALT)Shake a tail feather. We wouldn’t be in this mess without you.


VICTOR (DUCK)68 cont 68 contDon’t lecture me, Mr. Patrick I-don't-ever-make-any-mistakes-hyphen-Doyle.

(ALT)Oh that’s right. Make a joke of it, Mister “masking-his-fear-of-things-not-going-exactly-as-planned”-hyphen-Doyle.

(ALT 2)Oh, that’s it. Joke it up, funny boy. But I’m proud as a peacock to be a freedom flighter!

Just then WE HEAR SCREAMS from above. Patrick and Victor look up to see Papa, Clumsy, and Grouchy FALLING from the balcony.

VICTOR (DUCK)What the QUACK is that?!

He points his wing. WOOMF. It turns to a hand.

VICTORUh oh.


As he glides underneath them suddenly his body begins to A68 A68TWITCH and QUIVER then... POOF! - the rest of him is transformed back into HUMAN FORM - except now he’s butt naked.

The Smurfs land on Victor’s back, but his trajectory B68 B68redirects them and they all sail directly into... a HUGE LAUNDRY BIN - full of dirty sheets and towels.

ANGLE ON VICTOR - his mid-section covered by the laundry.

VICTORWhat happened?

Papa, Clumsy and Grouchy pop up from out of the laundry. We hear a muffled “Hellooo!”. Victor reaches down and pulls out... Vanity, looking completely disheveled.

VANITYOh, the ignominy.

(ALT 1)Oh, the shame.

(ALT 2)(to others, admonishing)

This never happened.(ALT 3)

AVERT your eyes! I’m hideous! Hideou--

(adjust hat)That’s better. Quite nice actually.

Security guards chase them away.

INT. GARGAMEL’S SUITE - LATE AFTERNOON69 69

The Naughties are with Smurfette on one side of the room - still trying out her wand. Meanwhile Azrael, still a little groggy, approaches Gargamel and MEOWS.

GARGAMELWhat do you mean “Smurfs were here”? In THIS ROOM? Why didn’t you say so?

Azrael gives him a look. Gargamel glances over at Smurfette.


GARGAMEL69 cont 69 contShe mustn’t learn of this. We have to get her away from here - and obtain the formula - NOW!

(calling to her sweetly)Smurfette, are you ready to go celebrate, my dear?

INT. QUAINT HOTEL SUITE - EVENING70 70

Patrick is with Grace in the living area, in the middle of a heated conversation.

PATRICKWe were this close to getting Smurfette back. Now, who knows what Gargamel’s doing with her? All thanks to that walking Korn-dog disaster.

GRACEOkay, indoor voice. And remember to breathe...

PATRICKI want him gone!

GRACEPatrick, he’s your dad.


PATRICK70 cont 70 contNope. That’s one thing he’s not!

VICTOR (O.S.)He’s right, Grace.

They turn and see Victor who’s emerged from the bedroom fully dressed.

VICTORI’m not his father. His real father left and started a new family. And he’s been mad [ALT: chewed up] about it ever since.

PATRICK(stop it)

Okay, you know what-- you can just stop right there.

(alt:)Whoa...

VICTORAnd so he should be - but I can’t take the brunt of it anymore.

(ALT)And well he might [be] - but I can’t take the brunt of it anymore.

PATRICKHey, I never asked you to come barging into my life, okay?. I didn’t ask you to marry my mother. Or take away Zeus...

VICTOR Zeus? The pigeon?

PATRICKThe parrot. My parrot. Taken away because you were allergic.

VICTOR Whoa! I was not allergic to that bird.

PATRICKYes you were!


VICTOR70 cont 70 contNo, I wasn't!

(long beat...this is really hard for him to say)

You were!

PATRICKWhat?

VICTOR Yeah. That’s right. It got so bad. Every day you were wheezing. But your mother and I knew it would break your heart to think the bird had to go away because of you. You already blamed yourself for your father. So I took the heat.


PATRICK70 cont 70 contThat's a lie. I am not allergic to birds.

VICTOR Oh, really?

Victor still has some feathers sticking out of his hair, etc. He pulls the feathers and presents them to Patrick.

VICTORGo ahead, big man. Sniff my feathers.

(beat)Go ahead. Sniff!

Patrick takes the feathers from Victor, and defiantly sniffs - then... ahhh... ahhh... CHOOOO! Patrick stands in shock.

VICTORYeah! The truth itches, doesn’t it?

Patrick doesn’t know what to say.

VICTORListen to me, Patrick. I loved your mother with all my heart. I took care of Jeannette, and I made her happy. And I chose to love you as my own. I didn’t have to do that! But you were a kid with no father - no hope in your eyes - a big hole in your heart. So I gave you everything I could. But now...I’m done. You made that pretty clear. So here’s my last words of advice. Grow up. Be a man. Stop blaming everyone else for your pain.

(indicating Blue)And whatever you do, don’t teach that beautiful son of yours that love is conditional. ‘Cause it’s not.

Victor walks over, smiles at Grace, and kisses Blue on the head...

BLUEGrampa Vicster.

Victor turns and heads for the door.


VICTOR70 cont 70 contGood-bye Patrick Winslow.

Victor exits. Grace and Blue look to Patrick.

GRACEYou’re just gonna let him leave?

Patrick has no reply.

GRACEWow.

Grace takes Blue and heads into the other room.

PATRICK(reaching out)

Blue...

But the door between them closes.

EXT. LES TUILERIES GARDENS - NIGHT71 71

The grand Ferris wheel of Paris and the other amusements are going full tilt. It’s crowded with tourists from various nations. Gargamel, Smurfette and the Naughties stand together, taking it all in.

SMURFETTEThere’s a lot of people.

GARGAMELI prefer to call them...“admirers”.

(then)ALAKAKNEEL!

Gargamel waves his wand and ZAP! - everyone in line for the Ferris wheel FALLS TO THEIR KNEES - parting like the Red Sea - creating a path to the wheel.

A lone MIME, doing the “Glass Box,” fails to kneel, and continues his routine. Gargamel ZAPS him into an ACTUAL GLASS BOX. The mime SCREAMS and POUNDS on the glass in vain.

Gargamel turns to Smurfette.

GARGAMELShall we?

Gargamel, Smurfette and the Naughties walk through the kneeling people to the entrance of the wheel.


As they pass, the bowing people recognize Gargamel and get 71 cont 71 contexcited - “There’s Gargamel” “C’est Magnifique!” “Look at those magical creatures, Mom!”

GARGAMEL(ad-libs while walking through crowd)

Hello, yes, it’s me. These are my children. Please don’t touch the Naughties... Hello, nice to see you. Don’t look me in the eye, please... It’s my daughter’s birthday. Coming through... Come children, don’t dawdle... What are you looking at?

(holds up wand)I have a - how do you say? - fast pass.

They reach the wheel’s entrance. Gargamel approaches the Swedish couple in the bottommost car.

GARGAMELThank you for keeping our seat warm. ALAKAZOUT.

Gargamel ZAPS the couple. The car inverts - DUMPING them on the ground. Gargamel, Smurfette and the Naughties get in.


VEXY71 cont 71 contFather, it’s feeding time soon.

GARGAMELNot now!

VEXYBut Father...

GARGAMELI said not now!

(then, to Smurfette)Our fun is just beginning.

(then) ALAKAZELEVATE.

(ALT)ALAKAZ-UP-WE-GO!

Gargamel ZAPS again, and the Ferris wheel starts turning, bringing them to the very top.

EXT. TOP OF THE FERRIS WHEEL - DAYA71 A71

GARGAMELWhy do they call it the Ferret’s Wheel. I see no ferrets. Ahhhh... isn’t this lovely? Just think, Smurfette. With your essence and my magic - there is absolutely nothing we cannot do.

(ALT)Oh, isn’t this lovely? Just think, Smurfette. With your secret formula and my magic - there is absolutely nothing we can not do.


SMURFETTEA71 cont A71 contThen why are we going so slow?

With a mischievous look in her eye, Smurfette uses her wand and ZAPS THE FERRIS WHEEL and... the giant wheel starts to spin faster and faster until CLANG!

The wheel BREAKS FREE of its moorings and ROLLS AWAY! B71 B71

GARGAMEL(nervously)

Whoa. You really have a flair for this.

The people on the wheel SCREAM. The people on the ground SCATTER, avoiding the wheel, as it ROLLS OUT OF THE PARK.

EXT. PARIS STREET - NIGHT72 72

People are enjoying a balmy summer night in Paris when suddenly they see the giant Ferris wheel ROLLING TOWARDS THEM. They run from the sidewalk cafes and restaurants. The CAMERA lands on a CHINESE FAMILY that stands and watches as the huge wheel thunders by.

CHINESE DAD(subtitled)

Louvre, schmoovre! Who wants to ride the wheel?

The family all raises their hands.

EXT. QUAINT HOTEL - BALCONY - NIGHT73 73

Papa is on the porch looking out at the lights of the city. Patrick steps out onto the porch, then sees Papa...

PATRICKOh, sorry. I was just... looking for a place to think.

PAPAPlease join me. I was doing a little thinking myself.

Patrick comes outside and leans on the railing next to Papa.

PAPAMaster Winslow, can I ask you some advice? Papa to papa.


PATRICK73 cont 73 contYou want papa advice from me?

PAPAWhy wouldn’t I? I’ve seen the bond you’ve forged with young Blue.

PATRICKI got some good advice once.


PAPA73 cont 73 contAnd now I could use some. It’s about Smurfette. A little secret I’ve kept to myself, something she doesn’t know. See, when I turned her into a Smurf... well, it wasn’t a complete transformation. I worked my strongest magic, but she’s still Gargamel’s creation.

Patrick listens as Papa bares his deepest fear.

PAPAShe’s a Smurf only so long as she chooses to be. She isn’t aware of that. But if she chooses otherwise... well...

(shuddering at thought)Do you think I’ve done enough?

PATRICK Are you kidding? Gargamel just made her, but you... you made her what she is. You stepped in and loved her as your very own. No one asked you to, but you did. Because you knew she needed you. And that’s...

(realizing)That’s a pretty special kind of love. She’s way too smart not to see that.

PAPAI hope you’re right. I don’t care where she came from -- I love her just the same.

Patrick nods - having a realization of his own.

PAPAThank you, Master Winslow. That was exactly what I needed to hear.

Papa heads back inside. Patrick is left alone with his thoughts. Patrick mumbles to himself.

PATRICKMe, too.


INT. QUAINT HOTEL - BATHROOM - NIGHT74 74

Clumsy and Grouchy are washing up the sink - filled with sudsy water. Papa bursts in, full of new found energy.


PAPA74 cont 74 contLet’s go, Smurfs.

GROUCHYWhere?

PAPAWe’re getting Smurfette. We know what Gargamel wants and where he’ll be taking her.

CLUMSYBut you saw her. She’s one of them now.

PAPAYou listen to me, Clumsy Smurf. We rise to the amount of love we’re shown and we sink only when that love stops. We didn’t believe in Smurfette because she changed - she changed because we believed in her. And we’re not about to stop now.

GROUCHY(to Clumsy)

Yeah. Stop being so negative.

Grouchy slaps Clumsy “upside” the head. Clumsy nods.

CLUMSYMy bad.

Patrick sticks his head in the bathroom.

PAPAMaster Winslow! You coming with us?

PATRICK(a la Papa in 1st movie)

Is a Smurf’s butt blue?

Grouchy stands up in the bath, pointing to his tush.

GROUCHYYou tell me.

PAPAC’mon. Let’s get smurfing!

MUSIC UP: SIMILAR BEAT TO AC/DC’S - “BACK IN BLACK”


EXT. OPERA HOUSE - NIGHT75 75

The Smurfs stride purposefully out of the mist toward the Opera House.

Patrick is armed with a fire poker, and the Smurfs with mini-flashlights.

As they arrive at the sewer grate the music screeches to a halt. The grate is now BLOCKED by heavy pallets.

VANITYOh dear.

PAPAThis is how we came out before.

GROUCHYNow what?

Clumsy calls from a nearby Smurf-sized storm drain.

CLUMSYOver here guys!

VANITYBut what about Master Winslow?

PATRICKYou guys go on...

(gripping fire poker)I saw a manhole cover back there. I’ll make my way in, you guys find Smurfette and I’ll meet up with you.

PAPAYou’re a good man, Master Winslow.

PATRICKYeah, well, you’re a good Smurf, Papa. See you soon.

The Smurfs head down the storm drain as Patrick jogs away.

INT. GARGAMEL’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - NIGHT76 76

Gargamel leads the Naughties into his lab. The giant, evil smurfalator is shrouded in darkness. Azrael is already there waiting.


VEXY76 cont 76 contWhy are we coming down here, Father?

GARGAMELWe are celebrating your long lost sister’s birthday. We can’t very well end the revelry (ALT: festivities) without... a cake.

He waves his wand, candles light on A BIRTHDAY CAKE which floats over and lands right in front of Smurfette.

GARGAMELIt’s your favorite, Smurfette - blue velvet. Now, make a wish. Anything your tiny little heart can dream of - it is yours.

SMURFETTEAnything?

GARGAMELBut of course.

Azrael MEOWS in protest.

GARGAMELWell, within reason. We are on somewhat of an “essence budget.” That’s why I need the formula.

Smurfette looks at the candles, trying to sort out her confused feelings. She’s happy... but...

HIGH UP ABOVE: the Smurfs rappel down using drawstrings onto A76 A76a FENCED-IN ledge above the lab. They look down and see Smurfette and the others.


VANITYA76 cont A76 contThere she is.

PAPAVanity, you come with me. Clumsy and Grouchy - find Master Winslow.

CLUMSY(to Grouchy)

C’mon partner. We move swiftly like the wind, we become one with the night and arrive before anyone knows we have left. Let’s go!


Clumsy turns to run and... FACE PLANTS. Grouchy shakes A76 cont A76 conthis head.

GROUCHYSometimes the wind is loud.

EXT. BACK STREET NEAR OPERA HOUSE - NIGHT77 77

Patrick is in the middle of a quiet street trying to pry open a MANHOLE COVER using the iron fire poker. WE HEAR footsteps behind him. It’s Victor.

PATRICKVictor? What are you doing here?

VICTORGrace told me where you’d be. She said you might need a hand.

PATRICK(straining to lift cover)

Did she?

Victor misconstrues this as sarcasm, shakes his head, starts to walk away.

PATRICK (CONT’D)Victor, wait.

He stops and turns.

PATRICK (CONT’D)As usual, Grace is right. I could use some help.

VICTORWell, for starters, you might try lifting the sewer cover...

(re Patrick’s cover)‘Less you’re just planning on fixing the phone lines.

Patrick looks at the manhole cover: Yep... big PHONE image on it. He chuckles, nods acknowledgement of his mistake.

Victor extends his hand. Patrick shakes it.

VICTORActually, I meant gimme the poker. But thanks, I appreciate the handshake.


Patrick hands him the poker. Victor pries it up and the two 77 cont 77 contof them, working together, hoist the cover.


They’re all waiting on Smurfette’s answer...


GARGAMEL78 cont 78 cont(getting impatient)

Smurfette... The formula... Take all the time you need. As long as it’s very soon.

VEXY(to Smurfette)

Then we can all be blue. Together.

HACKUSHackus blue! Hackus blue!

GARGAMELAwww. They want to be blue - just like their big sister.

VEXYThen we could be a real family.

Smurfette looks at them for a long beat, torn, wavering...

SMURFETTEThis is something... a sacred gift... entrusted to me. I’m sorry. I just... can’t.

Gargamel can’t take it. He EXPLODES with rage.

GARGAMEL(trying to keep it together)

What do you mean “You can’t”?!!! I’ve given you everything! Kindness! Presents! A cake with no poison!!!

(ALT addition)Do you know how hard it is for me to bake a cake with no poison?

(cont)IT’S BEEN HORRIBLE! Now you will give me what I want - RIGHT NOW! The formula!

SMURFETTENo!

Gargamel is about to lose it when...

VEXYUm... Father...

Gargamel and Smurfette turn to the Naughties. They don’t look so good.


HACKUS78 cont 78 contHackus dizzy...

WHAM! - Hackus falls over. Smurfette is alarmed.

SMURFETTEWhat’s happening to them?!

Gargamel sees her concern. He grins devilishly.


GARGAMEL78 cont 78 contDon’t tell me you actually care for these creatures. How pathetic for you.

(gears turning... realizing)

And how perfect for me!

INT. SEWER - NIGHT79 79

Clumsy and Grouchy run down a tunnel. Up ahead they see Patrick and Victor. They rush to them.

CLUMSYMaster Winslow! We found her.

GROUCHYGargamel’s got her.

CLUMSYIn the room with that awful machine!

PATRICKLet’s go.

They turn to run, but Victor doesn’t move. He’s looking at the wiring overhead. The others turn back to him.

PATRICKWhat are you doing?

VICTORI’ve got machines all over my plant. But when the power goes out, we’ve got no corndogs...

PATRICKVictor, we really don’t have time for cornd--

Victor points to a sign - with the classic HIGH VOLTAGE symbol. It reads “Générateur Électrique”.

PATRICK(getting it)

No power, no machine.


Papa and Vanity reach a large pipe. Using a piece of blue chalk from his pouch, Papa makes a blue “S” outside the pipe.


PAPA80 cont 80 contThis way!

Papa and Vanity climb inside.



Smurfette watches in horror as the Naughties begin to fade - turning white, hair bleaching out, skin wrinkling.

GARGAMELI’m so sorry. I thought you knew. Without essence, they cannot live.

Hackus falls to his knees. Vexy pleads.

VEXYFather, please...

SMURFETTE(to Gargamel)

Give them what you have! Take some from me!

GARGAMELWhy? What’s the point? You won’t give me the formula, so I might as well just let them go.

SMURFETTEYou mean let them die?!

GARGAMEL(shrugs)

I can always make others. Besides, I’m not the one letting them die.

PUSH IN ON VEXY - who hears this and looks betrayed. But she’s fading. She looks to Smurfette with desperate eyes.

SMURFETTEOkay, okay! I’ll give it to you! Feed them!

GARGAMELEh, eh, eh! The formula first.

SMURFETTEFeed them!

Gargamel slides a piece of paper and a pen in front of her.

GARGAMELThe formula!


INT. PIPE - NIGHT82 82

Papa and Vanity reach the end of the pipe. It’s blocked by a GRATE. THEY HEAR VOICES. Papa calls out...


PAPA82 cont 82 contSmurfette?!

With the rushing water nearby, they can’t be heard.

VANITYWait. I know!

Holding his mirror, Vanity extends his arm through the grate. In the reflection, Papa can see around the corner into...

GARGAMEL’S LAIR - Smurfette is finishing up the formula.A82 A82

SMURFETTE...four hopeful thoughts, a dab of royal jelly, mimosa pollen, and a drop of mink oil. And you must say one loving truth. There. That’s the formula Papa used.

INSIDE THE PIPE - Papa can’t believe it.B82 B82

PAPA(devastated)

Oh, Smurfette.

INSIDE THE LAIR - Smurfette slides the paper to Gargamel.C82 C82

SMURFETTENow feed them!

Papa’s face begins to reflect understanding.

GARGAMELFirst we are going to see if it works.

(ALT)First, I must know if it works.

Gargamel SNAPS his fingers and lights come on in a “brewing area” - complete with a boiling cauldron. The doors of a large cabinet swing open - filled with magic ingredients.

INT. SEWER GENERATOR ROOM - NIGHT83 83

Victor busts open the door. He, Patrick, Clumsy and Grouchy come rushing inside only to find the generator... is in a cage. At the bottom, the chain link is broken.

CLUMSYWe got this!


Clumsy and Grouchy head for the holes. Grouchy gets through. 83 cont 83 contClumsy trips on the broken fence. Grouchy looks back and gives him a helping hand.


CLUMSY83 cont 83 contThanks Grouchy.

GROUCHY You know in the past, I would have laughed when you fell. But it’s the new me. I realized I can still laugh at you and help out at the same time.


Gargamel has finished his concoction. The Naughties are on the floor, near death.

SMURFETTEHurry!

From out of the cauldron rise long fingers of BRILLIANT BLUE SHINING LIQUID.

They arc slowly through the air and come down... INTO THE MOUTHS of the Naughties. Almost immediately, the Naughties are revived - then magically... START TO TURN BLUE.

GARGAMELOh. My. Smurrrrrf! It worked! It worked! The world is mine!!! I can make my own smurfs!

Weeping with joy, Gargamel drops to one knee and does the Tebow pose. As the Naughties come to, Gargamel leaps up and snatches them.

GARGAMELInto the machine! The machine!

Gargamel lovingly picks up Hackus.

GARGAMEL(touched, to Hackus)

Oh, finally. You’re a real boy.(then)

Now, off you go. Into the machine. All of you! Bye bye! Au revoir! Adeus! Zai jian!

IN THE PIPE - Papa sees Gargamel putting a struggling A84 A84Smurfette in the machine. He kicks frantically at the grate, but it won’t budge. Just then Vanity turns his mirror slightly and sees the GRATE HINGE. A PIN IS STICKING OUT.


VANITYA84 cont A84 contPapa, wait!

Vanity stretches his arm, but the pin is JUST OUT OF REACH.

INSIDE THE LAB - Gargamel straps the last Naughty, Vexy, into B84 B84the machine. Hackus looks over at Smurfette, who’s crying.

HACKUSYou... face... leaking.


His own eyes begin to water.B84 cont B84 cont

HACKUSHackus leaking! Hackus leaking!

Vexy turns to Smurfette.

VEXYYou sacrificed everything - just to save us.

SMURFETTEI had to. I... care about you.

(alt:)I had to. You’re family.

WAHH! Hackus starts to BAWL.


GARGAMELB84 cont B84 contYes, yes. Let it all out. Smurfy tears are just chock full of essence.

IN THE PIPE - Vanity presses his FACE AGAINST THE DIRTY C84 C84GRATE, straining to reach the pin.

INT. GENERATOR ROOM - NIGHT85 85

Clumsy and Grouchy are standing on a metal ledge halfway up the front of the generator. Patrick and Victor are behind the fence. Patrick points to a VERTICAL LEVER above them.

PATRICKTry throwing that lever!

In order to reach it, one Smurf is going to have to GET ON THE OTHER’S SHOULDERS.

CLUMSYYou go. I got you.

GROUCHY(dubious)

You got me? You barely got you.

Grouchy climbs onto Clumsy’s shoulders. He wipes away the grease on both sides of the lever revealing a “ + ” sign and a “ - ” sign.

GROUCHY(calling to Patrick)

Which way?

Patrick looks at Victor. Victor’s got no idea.

PATRICKTry negative. It might shut it off.

Grouchy thinks for a moment, then...

GROUCHYNo. You gotta be positive.

Grouchy JUMPS onto the lever and PULLS it to the “ + ”. Immediately ZZZZZZ! - Grouchy is electrocuted, clinging to the lever, then - BAAAM! - He’s BLASTED backwards. He SMASHES into a wall, and FALLS into a bucket.

Suddenly - FOOMP! - the lights go out.


PATRICK/VICTOR/CLUMSY85 cont 85 contGrouchy you did it!/Yes!/We are heroes!

Grouchy sticks his head up out of the bucket. He looks FRIED - HAT BLACKENED, SKIN SINGED.

GROUCHY(miserable)

Why did I doubt negative...


Gargamel - his hand on the switch of the great machine...

GARGAMELOne small step for wizards. One giant leap for ME...

Gargamel is just about to push the button when AZRAEL MEOWS.

GARGAMELYes, yes, you can push the button.

Gargamel holds up Azrael to reach the button.

GARGAMELOne giant leap for...

Azrael flips the switch and - FOOMP! - The power goes out. The lab is plunged into darkness.

GARGAMEL...For cats who apparently can’t even push a button properly.

(ALT)...For button-pushing-impaired cats.

INSIDE THE PIPE - FOOMP! - it goes dark on Papa. A86 A86

BIG SHOT/PARIS - FOOMP! FOOMP! - half the city goes dark.B86 B86

GARGAMELSon of a Smurf!

INT. GARGAMEL’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - CONTINUOUS87 87

Darkness save the moonlight shining through a grate.


GARGAMEL87 cont 87 cont(a big sigh)

Come Azrael. It appears we must harness the power of the skies one last time.

Gargamel heads for the exit.


GARGAMEL87 cont 87 contI am but a simple wizard, on the cusp of world domination. Why does it have to be so... so...Les Miserables?

(ALT)...so hard?

INSIDE THE PIPE - Vanity finally GETS HOLD of the pin.A87 A87

VANITYGot it!

PAPAGood work, Vanity!

He PULLS THE PIN OUT. The grate COMES OFF. Vanity and Papa rush into the lair.

PAPA Smurfette!!

SMURFETTE Papa!? Is that you? You came for me?


PAPA A87 cont A87 contOf course we came for you! Was there ever a question?


Patrick, Victor, Grouchy and Clumsy are rushing for the lair. Clumsy sees the blue “S”.

CLUMSYPapa left a mark!

PATRICKGo. We’ll find a door.

Clumsy and Grouchy climb into the pipe.

EXT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - NIGHT89 89

The rooftop of the Opera House. Gargamel approaches the Apollo Statue and jams a HUGE ELECTRICAL CABLE between the golden strings of Apollo’s harp.

GARGAMELHere. Hold this.

With his wand, Gargamel whips up another magical storm. KKKRACKKK!!! Lighting ripples through the sky and hits the cable. Apollo GLOWS.


Papa and Vanity have freed Smurfette from the machine.

SMURFETTEPapa, I gave Gargamel the formula!

VEXYShe saved our lives.

HACKUSHackus live! Hackus live!

Papa looks at the three of them.

SMURFETTEI am so sorry! I ruined...


PAPA90 cont 90 cont(cutting her off)

Smurfette. A life is the most precious thing to protect. I’m proud of you.

Papa hugs her.

SMURFETTEYou... you are?

VEXYSeriously? No spanking? No smack to the knuckles? You forgive her - just like that?

PAPAOf course. I love her.

HACKUS(weeping)

LEAKING AGAIN!

Just then Grouchy and Clumsy jump out of the pipe. Clumsy trips, then covers with a somersault into a karate pose.

CLUMSYI meant to do that...

(then, coming clean)Oh, who am I kidding?

GROUCHYYou found Smurfette!

All Of a sudden FOOOOOM! The power comes back on.

VANITYFinally, some decent lighting.

CLUMSYLet’s get the smurf out of here!

SMURFETTEWait!

(re: Naughties)What about them?

GROUCHYWhat about ‘em? They kidnapped you.

CLUMSYThey’re Gargamel’s.


SMURFETTE90 cont 90 contSo was I...

Smurfette looks over at Papa.

SMURFETTE...but Papa - he never gave up on me. And I’m not about to give up on them.

Papa steps forward, beaming; an arm on her shoulder.

PAPAAnd you thought you weren’t a Smurf.

(to others, re: Naughties)Unstrap them. Quickly!


Suddenly a voice booms...90 cont 90 cont

GARGAMEL (O.S.)And then there were six.91 91

They turn and see Gargamel.

GARGAMELWell, six and a half if you count Hackus.

Gargamel raises his wand and... TIME CUT TO...

INT. GARGAMEL’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - LATER92 92

THE GREAT GLASS TANK of the Smurfalator is filling quickly with smoky-blue wisps of energy. The CAMERA TRACKS DOWN ALONG THE SMURFALATOR where we see all the Smurfs strapped in, wheezing, struggling as they are PUMPED and SQUEEZED. LAND ON Grouchy, still blackened from his earlier electrocution - his pod SHAKING VIGOROUSLY.

GROUCHY(vibrating in pod)

This... should... be... Hef... ty!!

Gargamel is watching gleefully. Vexy calls to him.

VEXY(to Gargamel, thru pain)

You said this wasn’t going to hurt!

GARGAMELMe. It’s not going to hurt me. For you, it’s going to be excruciating.

(ALT)Did I? Oh. Oops.

PAPA(struggling)

That’s... enough... Gargamel. You have... ENOUGH.

GARGAMELYes, but you see... I want MORE than enough!

He turns a dial. The SQUEEZING intensifies. Smurfs MOAN.


(ALT ADD)92 cont 92 cont

VANITYDoes anyone have a mint?

(off thier looks)If it’s going to be my last breath, I want it to be fresh.

GARGAMELI must be able to power... THIS!

Gargamel produces a HUGE WAND carved in the shape of a large, evil DRAGON.


GARGAMEL92 cont 92 contI call her - “LE WANDA!” She sounds nice... but she’s notttttt.

Gargamel places Le Wanda under the essence tap, letting it fill up.

GARGAMELOh my. Whatever will I do with all this power. Oh, that’s right. I’M GOING TO RULE THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!

(sinister laugh)Oh, and Papa, my first official act will be to create a portal directly from Smurf Village to my Smurfalator so all your little Smurfs can be here with you. Forever.

PATRICK (O.S.)I don’t think so, Gargamel.

Gargamel looks up -- and sees Patrick and Victor - on TOP OF THE GLASS VAT.

VICTORYou messed with the wrong Smurfs!

PATRICK(aside to Victor)

We’re not Smurfs. They’re the Smurfs.

VICTORToday, we are all Smurfs!

Gargamel reaches for his regular Dragon Wand as Patrick smashes the IRON FIRE POKER into the vat. It doesn’t break.

VICTORPut some back into it!

Victor grabs the iron and WHACKS. Nothing. Both men struggle over the poker.

PATRICK *Not like that, like this! *

VICTOR *Give it to me! *

PAPAOh, for the love of Smurf, work together!

Patrick and Victor share a look, then ram the poker into the vat together...


(ALT: PATRICK has a poker, and VICTOR a pipe scrap. They 92 cont 92 contargue when each of their hits doesn’t work, and then they agree to hit in unison, with success)


...SHATTERING THE VAT - releasing an EXPLOSION OF ESSENCE. 92 cont 92 contIt envelops...

THE SMURFSTRACTOR - releasing the Naughties and Smurfs and WHOOSHING THEM AWAY as it shatters the machine SLAMMING Gargamel and Azrael against the wall. The piece of paper with the formula sails past Gargamel’s eyes and - POOF! - goes up in blue flames.

INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS93 93

THE ENERGY FLOWS through the sewers carrying with it our heroes. In its wake the sewer is transformed into a beautiful cave lined with flowers.


EXT. STREETS OF PARIS - NIGHT94 94

KABOOM!!!! The wave of blue energy EXPLODES through the sewer grates, filling the streets with beautiful, shimmering blue light. Flowerpots sprout new flowers, buildings seem to glow as if painted with light, windows sparkle, the area around the Opera House glows a gentle blue in the dark Paris night.

Smurfette, lying on the sidewalk, sits up, rubs her eyes.

Slowly, all the Smurfs sit up, all restored to a vivid blue. Patrick calls to the Smurfs.

PATRICKIs everyone alright?

PAPA(taking a head count)

All smurfy and accounted for.

Patrick smiles, then...

GRACE (O.S.)Patrick!

Patrick turns, sees Grace and Blue getting out of a taxi.

PATRICKGrace! Blue!

He gets up and runs to her, embraces her and Blue.

PATRICKWe did it!

ON SMURFETTE -- who pulls herself up on the sidewalk. She looks around, spies Vexy, face down in the grass.

SMURFETTEVexy!

She runs over, helps her up. Both of them look down and see their reflection in a puddle; Vexy is bright and Smurfy blue.

VEXY(in awe)

You did this... for me?

SMURFETTEWhat are sisters for?

(ALT)What are girlfriends for?


The girls share a heartfelt look. 94 cont 94 cont

GRACE (O.S.)Smurfette!


Smurfette turns, sees Grace. Is elated.94 cont 94 cont

SMURFETTEOh, Grace!

(they embrace, then)Grace, this is Vexy. My other sister.

GRACE(to Vexy)

Well that makes you my sister, too.(ALT)

Well, I guess that means I have a new girlfriend, too.

Vexy nods, holding her chest. Smurfette looks at her.

SMURFETTEAre you okay?

VEXY(teary eyed)

Is this what happy feels like?

Patrick, Blue and Victor join them as Hackus walks up.

SMURFETTEOh, and this is Hackus...my brother.

HACKUSHackus! Hackus! Hackus!

SMURFETTEHackus, this is Grace and Patrick and... (gasp)

(to Grace & Patrick)Your baby!!!!!!

GRACESmurfette, this is Blue.

SMURFETTE/NAUGHTIESBluuuuuueeee.

BLUESmuuuuurfs.

SMURFETTE(proudly, to Grace)

You did good, Grace. He’s bluuuuetiful.


HACKUS94 cont 94 cont(re: Victor)

Who this? Who this?

GRACEOh. That’s Victor. He’s...

She looks to Patrick. Patrick looks to Victor.

PATRICKHe’s my dad.

(then looking at Grace and Blue)


(MORE)

And Blue’s pretty fantastic 94 cont 94 contgrandfather.

Victor’s face puckers. He grabs Patrick and pulls him into a MASSIVE BEAR HUG.

BLUEDaddy and Vicster!

GRACEI’m proud of you, Patrick Winslow.

PATRICK(barely able to breathe)

Hyphen... Doyle.

PAPAHyphen Smurf.

Patrick looks at him.

PAPAYou’re family.

Patrick smiles and pulls Papa into the hug.

Meanwhile, Clumsy approaches Grouchy and Vanity.

CLUMSYWe did it, guys. Smurf pound!

(holding out fists)Vanity... Positive...

GROUCHYI ain’t pounding nothing. I’m Grouchy Smurf again. And I got a lot of pent up anger to vent!

VANITYI’m with you, Grouchy. We just gotta be who we are.

CLUMSYYeah. Besides, we love you no matter what.

GROUCHYHey, smurf it out your ears, both of you!

(then)Woo, that feels good! I’m back, baby!!!


PATRICK (CONT'D)

GARGAMEL (O.S.)AND SO AM I!AA94 AA94


They all turn and see Gargamel. He has crawled out from AA94 cont AA94 contthe sewer, filthy and crazed with anger. He raises WANDA at the terrified gang...

GARGAMELSmmmmmmuuurrrfs!! For those of you who missed it the first time, this is “Le Wanda,” which is a hilarious play on words!

(1st ALT)Say hello to my enormous friend, “Le Wanda.”

(2nd ALT)I believe most of you have already met “Le Wanda.”

Vexy spots a PIECE OF METAL bent from the explosion. She looks over at Smurfette. They LOCK EYES.

VEXYAll for one!

SMURFETTEAnd Naughty for all!

Vexy steps on one end. Smurfette JUMPS onto the other - sending Vexy FLYING towards Gargamel.

At the last second, Vexy LATCHES ON to Gargamel’s wand - preventing him from firing.

GARGAMELWhat are you doing, you little ingrate? I am your father.

VEXYHow could you be my father? I’m a Smurf!

Vexy pushes the wand down and BITES THE DRAGON hard on the butt! The DRAGON ROARS and ENERGY EXPLODES out of its mouth. Vexy DIVES OFF as Gargamel is BLOWN INTO THE SKY. The force tosses Gargamel around like he’s holding onto the end of a runaway firehose. The blast whips him...

DOWN THE STREET - crashing from building to building until it A94 A94whips him...

INTO A SEWER GRATE - where he is fired down a tunnel of...B94 B94

THE CATACOMBS -- Skulls and bones pepper him on the head as C94 C94he SCREAMS IN fright. He CRASHES through the wall...


INTO THE METRO, where he is SLAMMED by a train and knocked D94 D94onto a set of stairs. The beam forces him...

OUT OF A METRO ENTRANCE, high into the air to the...E94 E94

TOWER OF NOTRE DAME, where he is bounced between the bells - F94 F94ringing them BING! BONG! BING!

GARGAMELF94 cont F94 contSanctuary!

Then he’s blasted up into the sky and deposited at last on...

THE TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER. He looks down at a CRATE on G94 G94which is stenciled “BASTILLE DAY” next to the symbol of an exploding firecracker.

GARGAMELWhy does it always have to be so--

(ALT 1)Oh, blast it all.

(ALT 2)Oh, that’s just wonderful.

(ALT 3)Oh, that’s unfortunate.

(ALT 4)Oh, that’s not good for me.

(ALT 5)Oh, I really, really don’t like Smurfs.

(ALT 6)Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.


EXT. PARIS STREET/EIFFEL TOWER IN BACKGROUNDH94 H94

WHA-BOOM! - the top of the Eiffel Tower erupts in a huge explosion of fireworks.

CHINESE BOY TOURIST(subtitled)

Papa, is that a man up there?

CHINESE TOURIST (subtitled)

It’s time to get out of this country. It’s too dangerous.

FROM HIGH above we see a Gargamel come blasting up towards us - and then off INTO THE STRATOSPHERE.

EXT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - LATER95 95

The Smurfiness is fading from the street, people file out to look, candles and flashlights appear in windows.

Our gang is gathered together. Papa is holding the crystals.

PAPAWe’ve only got five crystals.

CLUMSYAnd now there’s seven of us.

SMURFETTE(re Vexy and Hackus)

Well, I say, no Smurf left behind!(ALT)

Well, I’m not leaving family behind.

Vexy and Hackus share a grateful look.

Smurfette spots her MINIATURE DRAGON WAND laying in the street. She picks it up. It glows faintly from the remaining essence.

SMURFETTEI think I got a shot or two left.

ZAP! - Smurfette turns the four crystals into seven.

GRACEWow, Smurfette! You’re pretty good with that wand.


SMURFETTE95 cont 95 contIt’s kinda in my blood. Which used to plague me...

Smurfette looks at Papa.

SMURFETTE...but as someone wonderful once told me...

(beat)


(MORE)

...it doesn’t matter where you came 95 cont 95 contfrom. What matters is who you choose to be.

Smurfette puts an arm around Papa. He smiles proudly. Patrick does likewise with Victor, who pulls Blue in with the Winslow-Doyle men.

VICTORWe’re going to miss you Smurfs.

PATRICKYou could always name a corndog after ‘em.

VICTORNow you’re talking. We could use blue corn.

BLUESmurfdogs! Yum!

VICTOR“Three apples long!”

GRACE(LAUGHS, then to Smurfs)

Stay safe, you guys. And smurf back soon.

Group hugs. Then...

PAPAThank you, once again, Master Winslow, Miss -

(he chuckles)- “Doolittle,” Little Blue - and the Vicster. Let’s go home, Smurfs.

SMURFETTEI can’t wait to see the rest of my family.

(ALT)I can’t wait to take two new Smurfs home!

Suddenly, a muffled...

VANITY (O.S.)Help!

Everyone looks over and sees Blue with VANITY SHOVED IN HIS MOUTH - only his legs stick out.


SMURFETTE (CONT'D)

GRACE/PATRICK95 cont 95 contBlue! No!

They pull Vanity out, all wet and slobbery, and stand him up next to Grouchy. Horrified, he shakes off the spit.

VANITYOkay, here’s the deal. One smurfberry to everyone not to tell this story.

(1st ALT)I kind of like this wet look. I have to remember this for when I shoot my calendar.

(2nd ALT)Everyone close your eyes! I’m hideous! Don’t look at me.

(3rd ALT)Alright, THAT... was smurf-gusting!

GROUCHYWelcome to my world.


Everyone laughs really hard.95 cont 95 cont

GROUCHYHey! It’s not that funny!

EXT. SMURF VILLAGE - NIGHT96 96

The Smurfs are all gathered in the center of the Village. We hear the COMET SOUND, and then POP, POP, POP, POP! The Smurfs run up the hill and see Papa, Clumsy, Grouchy, and Smurfette heading towards them.

BRAINY(buying it back)

Just as I calculated, Papa’s chances of rescuing Smurfette -- 100 percent!

Eye rolls from the other Smurfs.

SMURFETTEAnd some new Smurfs for our family. Everyone, this is Vexy.

Smurfette coaxes Vexy forward. Everyone freezes. ANOTHER GIRL!

HEFTY(smitten)

Holy-smurfoli! Do they all look like her?

Just then POP! Hackus appears.

HACKUS(like a crazed lunatic)

BWAMOOOAGAGAMOOGA!

All the Smurfs jump back...

SMURFSAhhhhh!

VEXYSorry, guys. Can’t have everything.

(then looking around)Wow. All these boys.

SMURFETTE...and just two girls.


VEXY96 cont 96 contWhat do you mean? Hackus is a girl.

HACKUS(surprised)

Hackus is girl?


Hackus excitedly chases after Hefty trying to pull him 96 cont 96 continto a bear hug.

VEXYWait, Hackus! I was kidding!

HACKUS(still chasing)

Hackus don’t care. Hackus love family!

NARRATOR SMURFAnd so, finally relevant again, our heroic narrator steps back into his leading role to point out that when last we met, the entire village was busying itself with preparations for --

SMURFETTE(interrupting)

Hey, what’s with all the decorations?

NARRATOR SMURFDo you mind? I’m trying to bookend this. I believe there’s a celebration to be had. And so, as the music once again so rudely drowns out the narration...

The Smurf Band STARTS PLAYING, drowning out the Narrator again as all the Smurfs scream...

SMURFSHAPPY BIRTHDAY SMURFETTE!!!

The Band breaks into a song - Mambo #5 (by Lou Bega) with the women’s names replaced with Smurfs’ names.

All the Smurfs are going crazy, dancing, singing along - Smurfette jumps up on the stage - singing her heart out. Hackus is scatting - “scattata-packata-pickita-katata...”

Gutsy picks up a pole and whacks the GARGAMEL PINATA... Suddenly we hear Gargamel SCREAM as we...

**** ALT ENDING96 96

SMURFETTEAhhhh!

Thinking it’s real Smurfette grabs a stick and - WHACK!!! The pinata EXPLODES! - treats flying everywhere.


GUTSY96 cont 96 contWhoa! Nice shot, lass! Right in the Smurfberries!

Smooth turns. He calls to the band

SMOOTHHit it, fellas. And make it Smurfy.

The Band STARTS PLAYING as the Narrator steps into frame.

NARRTORAnd so, as the band once again tries to drown out our ever-important narrator, the Smurfs celebrate the return of their beloved Smurfette, the growth of their family, and the comfort of knowing that their age-old foe, Gargamel, is trapped a world away - powerless to harm them, ever, ever again.

SMASH CUT TO:

OMITTED97 97

EXT. PARIS SKIES - NIGHT98 98

Gargamel is finally FALLING BACK from the stratosphere. It looks like he’s heading for the Reflecting Pool at the Trocadero. He POINTS his wand and SHOOTS DOWNWARD to try and slow his fall. The BEAM OF ENERGY HITS THE WATER and FORMS a... is that a PORTAL??? Gargamel SLAMS INTO THE HOLE - and disappears.

EXT. TROCADERO FOUNTAIN - NIGHTA98 A98

ANGLE ON AZRAEL sitting at the side of the pool. MEOW!

AZRAEL(subtitled)

So long, sucker. The spell is broken! Finally I’m free of you!

(1st ALT)When on earth are you going?

(ALT 2)The spell is broken! Finally...Some peace and quiet.

(ALT 3)


(MORE)

The spell is broken! Oh, great. A98 cont A98 contWho’s gonna open the my caviar?

(ALT 4)The spell is broken! I wonder if Criss Angel needs a cat.

Azrael CHUCKLES to himself and turns to the portal...

AZRAELAre you dead?

Thinking he’s safe, he YAWNS and readies to sleep...

Suddenly a GIANT BLUE ENERGY CLAW REACHES OUT OF THE VORTEX, GRABS AZRAEL, and PULLS HIM IN! Rrrrrrr!!


AZRAEL (CONT'D)

MUSIC: HARPSICHORD. We hear a voice...A98 cont A98 cont

VOICE He sayeth the earth is not flat! Get him!

(1st ALT)He sayeth the sun revolves around the earth! Get him!

(2nd ALT)Hey Bottocelli! Why don’t you paint her on a half a shell?

END CREDITS

The music ends, and OVER CREDITS showing the Smurfs - a NEW SONG begins (maybe even one Katy Perry has so kindly taken the time from her busy schedule to write for the film because she’s so nice, and pretty, and smart, and talented).

THE END


SMURFS II Written by Current Revisions by - WikiLeaks · SMURFS II Written by Stem & Weiss Karey...

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Transcript of SMURFS II Written by Current Revisions by - WikiLeaks · SMURFS II Written by Stem & Weiss Karey...