Smart - Dramatic Publishing FULL·LENGTH PLAY Get Smart adapted by CHRISTOPHER SERGEL from the...

AF

ULL·LE

NG

TH

PLA

Y

Ge

tS

ma

rtadapted

byC

HR

IST

OP

HE

RS

ER

GE

L

from

the

Series

orig

ina

llycreated

by

ME

LB

RO

OK

Sand

BU

CK

HE

NR

Y

andproduced

byT

ale

nt

Associates,

Ltd.

TH

ED

RA

MA

TIC

PU

BL

ISH

ING

CO

MPA

NY

A FULL-LENGTH PLAY

Get Smartadapted by CHRISTOPHER SERGEL

from the Series originally created by

MEL BROOKS and BUCK HENRY

and produced by Talent Associates, Ltd.

THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY

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Based upon the series, "Get Smart,'~ originally created byMel Brooks and Buck Henry

Printed in the United States of AmericaAll Rights Reserved

(GET SMART)

ISBN 0-87129-260-2


GE

TS

MA

RT

AC

omedy

inT

wo

Acts

Fo

rT

enM

enan

dS

even

teenW

om

en

CH

AR

AC

TE

RS

MA

XW

EL

LS

MA

RT....

secreta

gen

tjo

rC

ON

TR

OL

~~N

}..•

•..•

•...•

.........•

••..•

•..•

stud

ents

PR

OF

ES

SO

RD

AN

TE

ascien

tistP

RO

FE

SS

OR

ZA

LIN

KA

his

assista

nt

AG

EN

T4

4a

CO

NT

RO

La

gen

tC

HIE

Fhead

oj

CO

NT

RO

LM

ISS

FIN

CH

his

secretary

HO

DG

KIN

Sh

isa

ssistan

t

~~~N

}a

tbus

statio

n

GA

RT

H}

MA

RY

WO

NG

SH

IRL

EY

WO

NG

...••..•

•..•

••...

KA

OS

ag

ents

BE

TS

YW

ON

GM

R.

BIG

heado

jKA

OS

BIG

SIS

TE

R}

LIT

TL

ES

IST

ER

travelers

AG

EN

T99

Sm

art's

assista

nt

AG

EN

T13

an

oth

erC

ON

TR

OL

ag

ent

ffi.A}

fou

rb

lon

des

PR

INC

ES

SIN

GR

IDa

lsoa

blonde

3

GET SMART

A Comedy in Two Acts

For Ten Men and Seventeen Women

CHARACTERS

MAXWELL SMART secret agent for CONTROL

~~: } students

PROFESSOR DANTE a scientistPROFESSOR ZALINKA his assistantAGENT 44 a CONTROL agentCHIEF head of CONTROLMISS FINCH his secretaryHODGKINS his assistant

~~~N } • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • .at bus station

GARTH }MARY WONGSHIRLEY WONG KAOS agentsBETSY WONGMR. BIG head of KAOSBIG SISTER }LITTLE SISTER · .. · .. · · · travelersAGENT 99 Smart's assistantAGENT 13 another CONTROL agent

~lA} four blondes

PRINCESS INGRID also a blonde

3


PL

AC

E:

Washington,

D.

C.

TIM

E:

The

presen

t.

4

PLACE: Washingtan, D. C.

TIME: The present.

4


AC

TO

NE

AS

TH

EH

OU

SEL

IGH

TS

DIM

OU

T:

Light

com

esup

infro

ntofth

ecu

rtain.

Tw

ostu

den

ts,H

EL

EN

andM

YR

A,

com

eon

infro

nt

ofth

ecu

rtainR

,w

heelingin

asm

alltab

leon

which

isan

oddlittle

mech

anism

.[A

nyunidentifiable

bitofap

paratu

sw

illserv

e.]T

hetw

og

irlsare

bein

gex

tremely

careful.

Meanw

hile,a

VO

ICE

ish

eard,

either

thro

ug

ha

pu

blic

add

resssy

stem,

or

spokenby

anacto

rstan

din

go

ffstage.)

VO

ICE

(lowkey,

official-sounding,serio

us

yet

con

fidential).

Attention.

Your

attention,p

lease.T

his

isW

ashington,D

.C.

Som

ewhere

inth

iscity

isth

ecen

traloffice

ofan

org

anizatio

nknow

nsim

ply

as

CO

NT

RO

L.

Itsex

actlo

cation

istop

secret.Its

bu

siness

isco

un

ter-espio

nag

e.(T

hetw

og

irlsare

po

sition

ing

the

table.)

MY

RA

(toH

EL

EN

,hushed).

Ve

rycarefu

l.H

EL

EN

(hushed,in

reply

).I

am

very

.

(Meanw

hiletw

oo

ther

stud

ents,

JAN

Eand

FR

ED

,are

com

ing

on

infro

nt

ofth

ecu

rtainL

,w

here

they

pu

llon

astan

dw

ithcu

rtains

arou

nd

the

base.)

VO

ICE

(continuing).A

ndso

mew

here

on

the

camp

us

ofan

imp

ortan

tu

niv

ersityn

earW

ashington,a

scientist

isabout

totest

atiny

scalem

od

elof

anew

instru

men

tknow

nas

the

"Inth

ermo

"--anin

-5

ACT ONE

AS THE HOUSE LIGHTS DIM OUT: Light comesup in front of the curtain. Two students, HE LENand MYRA, come on in front of the curtain R,wheeling in a small table on which is an odd littlem.echanism. [Any unidentifiable bit of apparatuswill serve.} The two girls are being extremelycarefuL Meanwhile, a VOICE is heard, eitherthrough a public address system, or spoken byan actor standing offstage.)

VOICE (low key, official-sounding, serious yet confidential). Attention. Your attention, please.This is Washington, D. C. Somewhere in thiscity is the central office of an organization knownsimply as CONTROL. Its exact location is topsecret. Its business is counter-espionage. (Thetwo girls are positioning the table.)

MYRA (to HELEN, hushed). Very careful.HELEN (hushed, in reply). I am very.

(Meanwhile two other students, JANE and FRED,are coming on in front of the curtain L, wherethey pull on a stand with curtains around thebase. )

VOICE (continuing)~ And somewhere on the campusof an important university near Washington, ascientist is about to test a tiny scale model of anew instrument known as the ttInthermo ft - -an in-

5


Pag

e6

Get

Sm

artA

ctI

strum

ent

sop

ow

erful

itm

ayalter

thep

resent

structu

reof

wo

rldp

ow

er.S

ucha

device,of

cou

rse,w

ouldbe

ap

rime

target

for

KA

OS--th

ein

ternatio

nal

org

anizatio

nof

evil.JA

NE

(hushed).F

red--w

hat

aboutthe

target?

FR

ED

(alsohushed).

Targ

et?JA

NE

.F

or

Pro

fessor

Dan

te'stest.

FR

ED

(goingb

ackoff

L).

Oh

--sure

--I'llget

it.V

OIC

E(w

ithoutp

ause).

Happily

for

thefree

world,

the

evil

forces

ofK

AO

Sare

cou

ntered

byC

ON

TR

OL

.(W

ithg

reaterin

tensity

andm

ore

con

fiden

tial.)R

ightat

this

mo

men

tthe

brig

ht

torch

oflib

ertyis

shield

edby

oneof

CO

NT

RO

L's

topem

plo

yees--a

man

who

lives

alife

ofd

ang

erand

intrig

ue--a

man

carefully

trained

inev

eryart

ofa

secre

tagent.

(MA

XW

EL

LSM

AR

Tis

com

ing

onR

,in

fron

tof

thecu

rtain,

du

ring

this.

He

isw

earing

ah

atand

trench

coat.H

ism

ov

emen

tsand

man

nerism

sclearly

pro

claimh

isp

rofessio

n.)

VO

ICE

.T

his

man

has

exp

ertp

rofessio

nal

knowledge

of

every

dead

lyw

eapon.H

e'sad

ept

atK

arateand

Jiujitsu

.H

esp

eaks

many

lang

uag

es.A

boveall,

he's

am

asterof

disg

uise--ab

leto

assum

ea

pro

tectiv

eco

loratio

nfo

rw

hatev

erte

rrain

heencoun

ters.

(As

this

issaid

SMA

RT

takes

offh

ish

atand

trench

coat,rev

ealing

him

selfd

ressedin

aw

ildlyo

ut-o

f-date

"Joe

College"

outfit.T

he

VO

ICE

con

tin

ues

without

pau

se.)In

oth

erw

ord

s,he

canm

eltinto

anybackground

--gounnoticed

asa

part

ofany

group.(B

othH

EL

EN

andM

YR

Ado

a"tak

e"on

Sm

art'sap

pearan

ce.)M

YR

A(incredulous).

You've

gotto

be

kidding.H

EL

EN

.W

hoare

yo

u?

SMA

RT

(speakingd

eliberately

).M

axwell

Sm

art--a

Page 6 Get Smart Act I

strument so powerful it may alter the presentstructure of world power. Such a device, ofcourse, would be a prime target for KAOS- -theinternational organization of evil.

JANE (hushed). Fred--what about the target?FRED (also hushed). Target?JANE. For Professor Dante's test.FRED (going back off L). Oh--sure--I'll get it.VOICE (without pause). Happily for the free world,

the evil forces of KAOS are countered byCONTROL. (With greater intensity and moreconfidential.) Right at this moment the brighttorch of liberty is shielded by one of CONTROL'stop employees--a man who lives a life of dangerand intrigue--a man carefully trained in every artof a secret agent.

(MAXWELL SMART is coming on R, in front of thecurtain, during this. He is wearing a hat andtrench coat. His movements and mannerismsclearly proclaim his profession. )

VOICE. This man has expert professional knowledgeof every deadly weapon. He's adept at Karate andJiujitsu. He speaks many languages. Above all,he's a master of disguise--able to assume a protective coloration for whatever terrain he encounters. (As this is said SMART takes off his hat andtrench coat, revealing himself dressed in a wildlyout-af-date "Joe College" outfit. The VOICE continues without pause.) In other words, he can meltinto any background--go unnoticed as a part of an~

group. (Both HELEN and MYRA do a "take" onSmart's appearance. )

MYRA (incredulous). You've got to be kidding.HELEN. Who are you?SMART (speaking deliberately). Maxwell Smart--a


Act

IG

etS

mart

Pag

e7

fellow

stud

ent--h

ereto

assist

Pro

fesso

rD

ante

with

his

exp

erimen

t.(H

eto

ssesco

atand

hat

offR

.)E

xcu

sem

e.

(FR

ED

isco

min

gb

acko

nL

,carry

ing

an"o

bject"

--any

sort

of

con

tainer

which

canhold

som

eco

ncealed

flashb

ulb

s.)

FR

ED

.H

e'su

sing

atough

target

for

the

exp

erim

ent.

(Looking

inco

ntain

eras

he

sets

ito

nstan

d.)

Th

ey're

glo

bes

ofh

arden

edsteel.

JAN

E(callin

gR

).W

here's

Pro

fesso

rD

ante?

(MY

RA

gestu

resR

,w

here

PR

OF

ES

SO

RD

AN

TE

,a

preo

ccup

iedm

anw

earing

alab

smo

ck,

isco

min

go

nin

fron

to

fth

ecu

rtain.)

SM

AR

T.

Hi

there,

Pro

f.D

AN

TE

(with

distaste).

Pro

f?(T

oH

EL

EN

.)

Wh

ere'sP

rofe

ssor

Zalin

ka--sh

e'sto

assist.

HE

LE

N.

She

stop

ped

tom

ake

aphone

call.S

MA

RT

(susp

iciou

sly).

Ph

on

ecall?

DA

NT

E(p

atiently

).P

rofe

ssor

Zalin

ka

isab

solu

tely

ded

icatedto

the

success

ofth

eIn

therm

o.

SM

AR

T.

Isee.

DA

NT

E.

All

ofy

ou

--ov

erh

ere.(F

RE

Dan

dJA

NE

com

eR

,w

hile

HE

LE

Nan

dM

YR

Atak

ep

ositio

ns

abo

ve

and

toth

erig

ht

ofth

etab

leholding

the

"Inth

ermo

.")

FR

ED

(ashe

crosses).

Th

etarg

etsare

like

arm

or

plate.

DA

NT

E.

Ex

actly.

JAN

E.

Wo

n't

the

Inth

ermo

inju

reth

eb

uild

ing

?D

AN

TE

(shak

ing

his

head,happily).

No,

no

--just

the

target.

SM

AR

T.

Maybe

youb

etterex

plain

howit

wo

rks-

simp

ly.

Act I Get Smart Page 7

fellow student--here to assist Professor Dantewith his experiment. (He tosses coat and hatoff R.) Excuse me.

(FRED is coming back on L, carrying an "object"--any sort of container which can hold someconcealed flash bulbs. )

FRED. He's using a tough target for the experiment. (Looking in cOJ).tainer as he sets it onstand.) They're globes of hardened steel.

JANE (calling R). Where's Professor Dante?

(MYRA gestures R, where PROFESSOR DANTE, apreoccupied man wearing a lab smock, is comingon in front of the curtain. )

SMART. Hi there, Prof.DANTE (with distaste). Prof? (To HELEN. )

Where's Professor Zalinka--she's to assist.HELEN. She stopped to make a phone call..SMART (suspiciously). Phone call?DANTE (patiently). Professor Zalinka is absolute

ly dedicated to the success of the Inthermo.SMART. I see.DANTE. All of you--over here. (FRED and JANE

come R, while HELEN and MYRA take positionsabove and to the right of the table holding the"Inthermo. ")

FRED (as he crosses)~ The targets are like armorplate.

DANTE. Exactly.JANE. Won't the Inthermo injure the building?DANTE (shaking his head, happily). No, no--just

the target.SMART. Maybe you better explain how it works-

simply.


Pag

e8

Get

Sm

artA

ctI

DA

NT

E(in

dicatin

gm

echan

ism).

Th

istin

yscale

mo

del

isab

ou

tto

dem

on

stratehow

the

basic

prin

ciple

of

reactive

therm

alco

ncen

tricityh

old

stru

e.A

ctually

,th

ed

yn

amics

ofth

ecataly

ticp

hen

om

eno

nis

exp

ressedin

dire

ct

ratio

toits

initial

mo

lecular

con

clusio

n.

(PR

OF

ES

SO

RZ

AL

INK

A,

anattractiv

eb

ut

sev

ere

lo

ok

ing

wo

man

wearin

ga

labsm

ock

and

carryin

ga

clipb

oard

,co

mes

on

R.)

SM

AR

T.

Rig

ht.

(Pau

se.)

May

be

yo

ub

ette

rex

-p

lainit

even

mo

resim

ply

.D

AN

TE

.Y

outry

,P

rofe

ssor

Zalin

ka.

ZA

LIN

KA

(slow

lyso

SM

AR

Tcan

follow).

IfF

arm

er

.B

row

ntak

esfiv

em

olecu

lesto

the

mark

et--a

nd

Farm

er

Green

takes

thre

e----

SM

AR

T(in

terrup

ting

).O

kay

--let's

get

on

with

the

test.

DA

NT

E(in

spectin

gm

echan

ism).

Ih

ave

itp

ro

gram

med

for

the

littlecy

lind

erso

fh

arden

edsteel

on

that

table--w

em

ake

am

ino

rad

justm

ent--k

eepb

acko

ut

of

line,

allo

fy

ou

--R-e

-a-d

-y---

(DA

NT

Eap

paren

tlyactiv

atesso

meth

ing

on

the

bit

of

app

aratus,

and

as

he

do

esso

,th

eco

n

cealedflash

bu

lbs

inth

eco

ntain

ero

nth

estan

dare

tou

ched

off.T

here

isa

gen

eralg

asp.)

MY

RA

.W

ow!

HE

LE

No

Itw

ork

ed!

FR

ED

(awed

as

he

peers

at

stand

).T

hey

've

been

incin

erated!

JAN

E.

By

the

littlescale

mo

del.

DA

NT

E(sad

ly).

Th

isis

terrib

le.

MY

RA

.T

errib

le,

Pro

fesso

rD

ante?

DA

NT

E.

Iw

asalm

ost

ho

pin

git

would

no

tw

ork

.Z

AL

INK

A.

Bu

tw

hy

?D

AN

TE

.T

his

isju

sta

min

iature.

Th

ink

of

the

de-


DANTE (indicating mechanism). This tiny scalemodel is about to demonstrate how the basicprinciple of reactive thermal concentricity holdstrue. Actually, the dynamics of the catalyticphenomenon is expressed in direct ratio to itsinitial molecular conclusion.

(PROFESSOR ZALINKA, an attractive but severelooking woman wearing a lab smock and carryinga clipboard, comes on R .. )

SMART. Right. (Pause.) Maybe you better ex-plain it even more simply.

DANTE. You try, Professor Zalinka.ZALINKA(slowlyso SMART can follow). If Farmer.. Brown takes five molecules to the market--and

Farmer Green takes three----SMART (interrupting). Okay--Iet's get on with the

test.DANTE (inspecting mechanism). I have it pro

grammed for the little cylinders of hardened steelon that table--we make a minor adjustment--keepback out of line, all of you--R-e-a-d-y---(DANTE apparently activates something on thebit of apparatus, and as he does so, the concealed flashbulbs in the container on the s"tandare touched off. There is a general gasp. )

MYRA. Wow!HELENo It worked!FRED (awed as he peers at stand). They've been

incinerated!JANE. By the little scale model.DANTE (sadly). This is terrible.MYRA. Terrible, Professor Dante?DANTE. I was almost hoping it would not work.ZALINKA. But why?DANTE. This is just a miniature. Think of the de-


Act

IG

etS

mart

Pag

e9

structiv

ep

ow

ero

fa

full-size

Inth

ermo

!T

hin

kof

such

aw

eaponin

the

wro

ng

han

ds!

(Th

eyall

stare

fron

twith

wide

-eyed

ho

rror

atth

isthought.)

VO

ICE

.Y

es,think

of

it!T

hin

ko

fsu

cha

weapon

inth

eh

and

so

fK

AO

S.(P

ause.)

No,

no

--it'su

n

thin

kab

le.(A

tth

isev

eryo

ne

relaxes.)

Th

ew

orld

do

esn

ot

hav

eto

con

temp

latea

po

tential

cata

stro

ph

eofsu

chm

agn

itud

eb

ecause

ofC

ON

TR

OL

-th

eo

rgan

ization

ofgood.

(Atelep

ho

ne

bell

be

gin

srin

gin

gan

dev

eryo

ne

beg

ins

turn

ing

tow

ardS

MA

RT

,w

how

inces

sligh

tlyat

the

sound,edging

nerv

ou

slyaw

ayfro

mth

eo

thers.

Th

eV

OIC

Eco

ntin

ues:)

Ev

erv

igilan

t,th

esk

illedse

cre

tag

ent

from

CO

NT

RO

Lis

on

gu

ard--u

nn

oticed

-u

nsu

specte

d----

(SM

AR

Tis

even

mo

reem

bar

rasse

dat

the

con

tinu

edrin

gin

g,

especially

since

the

stare

sof

the

oth

ersp

inp

oin

th

imm

ore

and

mo

reas

the

sou

rceo

fth

eseso

un

ds.)

DA

NT

E(w

itha

shru

gatth

isb

elln

on

sense;

hers

back

tob

usin

ess).L

et's

get

the

mo

del

back

toth

elab

safe.Z

AL

INK

A.

Yes--I'll

seeto

it.(T

hey

are

goingoff

R,

takin

gth

etab

lean

dm

od

elw

ithth

emw

hileS

MA

RT

con

tinu

esto

retre

at

L.

)H

EL

EN

(un

der

her

breath

assh

eis

going,in

dicat

ing

SM

AR

T).

Wh

atis

with

that

gu

y?

JAN

E(also

un

der

her

breath

).T

hat

ring

ing

sou

nd

slik

e--bu

tit

cou

ldn

'tb

e.Z

AL

INK

A(sh

arply

).C

areful,

you----

(Co

ntro

lling

herse

lf.)T

ake

iteasy

,stu

den

ts.(A

sth

eyallgo

off,S

MA

RT

leans

back

again

stth

estan

dat

Land

snatch

esoff

his

sho

e.H

eh

old

sit

like

ate

le

phone.T

he

ring

ing

stop

s.)

SM

AR

T(into

sho

e--a

sthough

into

atelep

ho

ne).

Agent

86,M

axwell

Sm

art,h

ere.C

RIE

F(o

ver

P.A

.o

rby

actor

play

ing

the

role

from

beh

ind

the

curtain

).8

6--re

po

rtto

head

qu

arters


structive power of a full-size Inthermo! Thinkof such a weapon in the wrong hands! (They allstare front with wide -eyed horror at this thought.)

VOICE. Yes, think of it! Think of such a weaponinthe hands of KAOS. (Pause.) No, no--it's unthinkable. (At this everyone relaxes.) The worlddoes not have to contemplate a pqtential catastrophe of such magnitude because of CONTROL-the organization of good. (A telephone bell begins ringing and everyone' begins turning towardSMART, who winces slightly at the sound, edgingnervously away from the others. The VOICEcontinues:) Ever vigilant, the skilled secretagent from CONTROL is on guard--unnoticed-unsuspected---- (SMART is even more embarrassed at the continued ringing, especially sincethe stares of the others pinpoint him more andmore as the source of these sounds. )

DANTE (with a shrug at this bell nonsense; he's backto business). Let's get the model back to the labsafe.

ZALINKA. Yes--I'll see to it. (They are going offR, taking the table and model with them whileSMART continues to retreat L. )

HELEN (under her breath as she is going, indicating SMART). What is with that guy?

JANE (also under her breath). That ringing soundslike--but it couldn't be.

ZALINKA (sharply). Careful, you - - - - (Controllingherself.) Take it easy, students. (As they all gooff, SMART leans back against the stand at Land snatches off his shoe. He holds it like a telephone. The ringing stops. )

SMART (into shoe--as though into a telephone).Agent 86, Maxwell Smart, here.

CffiE F (over P .A. or by actor playing the role frombehind the curtain). 86--report to headquarters


Pag

e10

Get

Sm

artA

ctI

imm

ediately

.SM

AR

T.

Wait

am

inute.W

hois

this?

CffiE

F.

Th

isis

the

Chief.

Who

elsew

ouldb

ecall

ingyou

ony

ou

rsh

oe?

SMA

RT

.W

ell--there's

nosu

chthing

as

bein

gtoo

careful.

Would

youm

ind

givingm

eto

day

'sp

ass

word.

CffiE

F,

Th

isis

anem

ergen

cy,

86.T

here

'sno

time

for----

SM

AR

T.

I'mafraid

yo

u'll

haveto

furth

eridentify

yo

urself.

CffiE

F(angry).

I'mtellin

gyou,

86,th

isis

theC

hief.N

ow

----SM

AR

T.

Ifyou

can't

givem

eth

ep

asswo

rd--th

enI'll

accept

the

cou

nter-sig

no

rto

day

'ssecret

coden

um

ber.

My

lifecan

dependon

it.C

ffiEF

(furiously).G

etin

here,

Max,

or

I'llp

er

son

allytear

youap

art.SM

AR

T.

Th

at'sgood

enoughfo

rm

e,C

hief.I'm

on

my

way.

(SM

AR

Tslip

son

his

shoe,sta

rtsto

leave,

then

stop

sas

herem

emb

erssom

ething.H

estep

sb

ackand

rap

son

topof

the

stand

which

heldth

etarg

ets.H

ecalls

ina

hushedvoice:)

44

?A

gent4

4?

(The

curtain

saro

un

dth

eb

aseof

the

stand

are

pu

lledasid

e,an

dth

eface

ofa

youngm

anem

erg

es--a

faceon

which

nerv

ou

sness

andindignation

fightfo

rco

ntro

l.)

44.Y

oukn

ew

Iw

ash

ere,86,

butyou

did

n't

stop

them

from

goingah

eadw

ithth

etest.

SMA

RT

(incred

ulo

us).

Stop

them

?44.

Suppose

Pro

fessor

Dan

tehad

aimed

the

In

therm

otoo

low

?S

MA

RT

.W

e'reall

expendable,44.

(Co

nsid

ersan

instan

t,th

enam

end

s.)T

hat

is--mo

stof

us

are


immediately.SMART. Wait a minute.. Who is this?CffiE F.. This is the Chief.. Who else would be call

ing you on your shoe?SMART. Well--there's no such thing as being too

careful. Would you mind giving me today's password.

CIITEFc This is an emergency, 86. There's notime for----

SMART. I'm afraid you'll have to further identifyyourself.

CffiEF (angry). I'm telling you, 86, this is theChief. Now----

SMART. If you can't give me the password--thenI'll accept the counter-sign or today's secretcode number. My life can depend on it.

CIDEF (furiously).. Get in here, Max, or I'll personally tear you apart ..

SMART. That's good enough for me, Chief. I'mon my way.. (SMART slips on his shoe, startsto leave, then stops as he remembers something.He steps back and raps on top of the stand whichheld the targets. He calls in a hushed voice:)44? Agent 44?

(The curtains around the base of the stand are pulledaside, and the face of a young man emerges--aface on which nervousness and indignation fightfor control. )

44. You knew I was here, 86, but you didn't stopthem from going ahead with the test.

SMART (incredulous). Stop them?44. Suppose Professor Dante had aimed the In

thermo too low?SMART. We're all expendable, 44. (Considers an

instant, then amends.) That is--most of us are


Act

IG

etS

mart

Pag

e11

expendable.44

(desp

eratelyso

rryfo

rh

imself).

Actu

ally--I'm

nothaving

av

erygood

time

onth

isjob.

Im

ean--n

om

inglingw

ithg

lamo

rou

sco

-eds--n

oco

m

parin

gn

otes

with

that

Pro

fessor

Zalin

ka--n

osp

orts

atall--n

ocrazy

stud

ent

activ

ities----

SMA

RT

.T

ake

iteasy

,44.

44(startin

gto

cry).

Id

on

'teven

getto

wear

atren

chcoat.

SMA

RT

.L

isten,

what

Ihave

totell

yo

u----

44.A

spycan

onlytak

eso

much.

Sneaking

arou

nd

these

corrid

ors.

Sleeping

ona

zinctab

lein

thelab

orato

ryw

ithnothing

tok

eepm

ew

armbut

aB

unsenb

urn

er.H

idin

g--alw

ays

hid

ing

----86,

Iw

antto

com

ein

from

thecold.

SMA

RT

.G

eta

grip

ony

ou

rself.(H

oldsh

and

ker

chiefto

44

'sn

ose.)

Here--b

low

.44

(afterblow

ing).Y

ouw

on

'ttell

them

aboutth

isb

ackat

head

qu

arters?SM

AR

T.

Of

cou

rsenot.

Iknow

what

yo

u're

goingthrough.

44(com

ingo

ut

from

un

der

table

andstanding

up).T

hey

wouldn't

likeit.

SMA

RT

.S

om

etimes

ith

elps

tohave

agood

cry.

44.T

rytellin

gth

atto

theC

hief.H

eh

atesto

haveh

ism

encry

.SM

AR

T(w

itha

start).T

he

Chief!

Listen

,4

4-

I'mcalled

back

toh

eadq

uarters.

(Rushing

R.)

Yo

u'll

haveto

take

ov

erh

ere.44

(toh

imself,

grim

ly).

Another

nighton

thezin

ctab

lein

the

lab

----

(SMA

RT

has

goneoff

R,

re-enterin

gim

med

iately,

puttingon

his

trench

coat

andhat.

Th

ecu

rtainbegins

torise

.)

SMA

RT

(calling

across).

Gu

ardthe

Inth

ermo

with


expendable.44 (desperately sorry for himself). Actually--I'm

not having a very good time on this job. I mean--no mingling with glamorous co-eds--no comparing notes with that Professor Zalinka--nosports at all--no crazy student activities----

SMART. Take it easy, 44.44 (starting to cry). I don't even get to wear a

trench coat.SMART. Listen, what I have to tell you----44. A spy can only take so much. Sneaking around

these corridors. Sleeping on a zinc table in thelaboratory with nothing to keep me warm but aBunsen burner. Hiding--always hiding---- 86, Iwant to come in from the cold.

SMART. Get a grip on yourself. (Holds handkerchief to 44's nose.) Here--blow.

44 (after blowing). You won't tell them about thisback at headquarter s ?

SMART. Of course not. I know what you're goingthrough.

44 (coming out from under table and standing up).They wouldn't like it.

SMART. Sometimes it helps to have a good cry.44. Try telling that to the Chief. He hates to have

his men cry.SMART (with a start). The Chief! Listen, 44-

I'm called back to headquarters. (Rushing R.)You'll have to take over here.

44 (to himself, grimly). Another night on the zinctable in the lab----

(SMART has gone off R, re-entering immediately,putting on his trench coat and hat. The curtainbegins to rise. )

SMART (calling across). Guard the Inthermo with


Pag

e12

Get

Sm

artA

ctI

yo

ur

life.44

(calling

back).I

slipp

eda

no

tein

the

po

cket

of

yo

ur

coat.

It'sim

po

rtant.

SM

AR

T(tak

ing

pap

erfro

mth

ep

ock

etof

his

trench

coat).S

ecretin

form

ation

?44

(shak

ing

his

head

ash

ep

ulls

stand

offL

).R

eq

uisitio

nfo

ra

rub

ber

mattre

ss.(44

com

pletes

exit

L,

as

SM

AR

Tlo

ok

safter

him

with

distaste

for

44'slack

of

ded

ication

.T

hen

he

beg

ins

bu

tto

nin

gup

his

coat

and

arrang

ing

the

ang

leof

his

hat.)

SC

EN

E:

Th

ecu

rtainh

asrise

nnow

,rev

ealing

astag

eth

atis

c:iividedin

totw

op

layin

gare

as-

the

div

ision

ind

icatedby

alow

rail

or

wall

ex

tend

ing

from

up

stage

tod

ow

nstag

efo

rsev

eralfeet.

Th

eare

aU

LC

isth

ecen

tralo

fficeo

fC

ON

TR

OL

.T

here

isa

well-eq

uip

ped

desk

wh

ichco

ntain

s,am

on

go

ther

thin

gs,

anin

ter-com

and

two

teleph

on

es,one

ofw

hichis

red.

Th

ereare

alsoso

me

filecases,

severalch

airs,an

da

large

hangingm

apo

fth

ew

orld

with

mark

ers

stuck

inv

ariou

ssp

ots.

)

AT

RIS

EO

FC

UR

TA

IN:

Th

eC

HIE

Fis

sitting

be

hin

dth

ed

esk,

leafing

rapid

lyth

rou

gh

som

ep

a

pers.

He

isa

fatherly

typ

ein

his

mid

-fifties.H

eis

usu

allyw

arm,

frank

and

friend

ly,

smo

kes

ap

ipe

and

wears

acard

igan

sweater

un

der

his

jacket.

Intim

eso

fstre

ss,o

fco

urse,

he

canb

eg

riman

dd

eman

din

g.

An

attractive

secretary,

MIS

SF

INC

H,

isstan

din

gin

fron

to

fth

ed

esk.)

CH

IEF

.W

hat

doyou

mak

eo

fth

is,M

issF

inch

?M

ISSF

INC

H.

My

security

rating

do

esn't

gohigh

enough.I

hav

en't

seenth

ose

pap

ers.


your life.44 (calling back). I slipped a note in the pocket of

your coat. It's important.SMART (taking paper from the pocket of his trench

coat). Secret information?44 (shaking his head as he pulls stand off L). Req

uisition for a rubber mattress. (44 completesexit L, as SMART looks after him with distastefor 44' s lack of dedication. Then he begins buttoning up his coat and arranging the angle of hishat. )

SCENE: The curtain has risen now, revealing astage that is q.ivided into two playing areas-the division indicated by a low rail or wall extending from upstage to downstage for severalfeet. The area U Leis the central office ofCONTROL. There is a well-equipped desk whichcontains, among other things, an inter-com andtwo telephones, one of which is red. There arealso some file cases, several chairs, and a largehanging map of the world with markers stuck invarious spots. )

AT RISE OF CURTAIN: The CIllEF is sitting behind the desk, leafing rapidly through some papers. He is a fatherly type in his mid-fifties.He is usually warm, frank and friendly, smokesa pipe and wears a cardigan sweater under hisjacket. In times of stress, of course, he can begrim and demanding. An attractive secretary,MISS FINCH, is standing in front of the desk.)

CIDEF.. What do you make of this, Miss Finch?MISS FINCH. My security rating doesn't go high

enough. I haven't seen those papers.


Act

IG

etS

mart

Pag

e13

CIllE

F(w

ithslig

ht

sigh).I'v

eb

eenm

eanin

gto

seeto

that.

While

I'mtalk

ing

with

86,see

ifyou

canfind

outany

mo

reabout

the

plan

sof

ou

rV

.I.P.

from

Scandinavia.

MISS

FIN

CH

.Y

es,C

hief.(S

hesta

rtsD

RC

tow

ardS

MA

RT

,w

hoh

asju

stfin

ished

gettin

gh

imself

ino

rder.

)C

IllEF

(afterh

er).A

ndd

on

'tfo

rget

too

rder

the

newfilter

for

my

trop

icalfish

tanle

MISS

FIN

CH

(app

roach

ing

SM

AR

T).

Yo

u're

ex

pected

,86.

SM

AR

T.

Call

me

Max.

MISS

FIN

CH

(archly

).W

ouldn'tth

atbe

toofam

iliar?I

mean

--ano

rdin

aryse

cre

tary

andC

ON

TR

OL

'stop

agen

t?SM

AR

T(callin

gb

ackto

her

as

he

con

tinu

esinto

of

£ice,ag

reeing

).I

gu

essy

ou

'rerig

ht.

(MISS

FIN

CH

go

esout

DL

.)

CIllE

F.

About

time,

86.(C

on

siderin

ga

pap

ero

nh

isd

esk.)

Ithought

Ito

ldyou

tob

ecarefu

lw

ithP

rofesso

rD

ante--to

keep

ou

tof

his

way

while

yo

u're

gu

ardin

ghim

.S

MA

RT

.C

hief--it's

notm

yfault.

Th

em

anju

sth

atesto

be

watched.

He's

gota

thin

gabout

se

cre

tag

ents.

CID

EF

(holdingup

pap

er).W

eh

ave

ano

ther

com

p

laint

from

him

.S

MA

RT

.W

hatis

itth

istim

e?C

IDE

F.

He

says

that

yo

u'v

ese

th

isw

ork

back

sixm

onths.S

MA

RT

.M

e!S

eth

isw

ork

back

sixm

on

ths?

Th

at'srid

iculo

us.

(Pau

se.)T

hree

mo

nth

s.M

aybefo

ur

onth

eo

utsid

e.C

IllEF

.M

ax--D

ante

isinvolved

intrem

end

ou

slyim

po

rtant

wo

rk.

We

mu

stn't

let

aw

ythin

gu

pset

him

.S

MA

RT

.O

.K.

--let's

layo

ur

cards

onth

etable,


CIllEF (with slight sigh). I've been meaning to seeto that. While r m talking with 86, see if youcan find out any more about the plans of ourV.J.P. from Scandinavia.

MISS FINCH. Yes, Chief. (She starts DR C towardSMART, who has just finished getting himself inorder. )

ClllEF (after her). And don't forget to order thenew filter for my tropical fish tank.

MISS FINCH (approaching SMART). You're expected, 86.

SMART. Call me Max.MISS FINCH (archly). Wouldn't that be too familiar?

I mean--an ordinary secretary and CONTROL'stop agent?

SMART (calling back to her as he continues into office, agreeing). I guess you're right. (MISSFINCH goes out D L. )

CIllEF. About time, 86. (Considering a paper onhis desk.) I thought I told you to be careful withProfessor Dante--to keep out of his way whileyou're guarding him.

SMART. Chief--it's not my fault. The man justhates to be watched. He's got a thing about secret agents.

CffiEF (holding up paper). We have another complaint from him.

SMART. What is it this time?CffiEF. He says that you've set his work back six

months.SMART. Me! Set his work back six months?

That's ridiculous. (Pause.) Three months.Maybe four on the outside.

CInEF. Max--Dante is involved in tremendouslyimportant work. We mustn't let antything upsethim.

SMART. O. K. --let's lay our cards on the table,


Pag

e14

Get

Sm

artA

ctI

Chief.

Give

itto

me

straigh

t.D

oyou

wan

tto

pu

tan

oth

erm

anin

charg

eof

the

case?C

HIE

F.

Max

--that's

no

ta

bad

----S

MA

RT

.O

fco

urse

not.I

knowy

ou

've

gotco

nfi

den

cein

me.

CH

IEF

.A

ctually

--ano

ther

agen

ton

the

jobm

igh

tb

e----

SM

AR

T.

Sole

t'ssay

nom

ore

aboutit.

CH

IEF

(with

asigh).

Wh

o's

with

Dan

tenow

?S

MA

RT

.A

gent44.

(Pu

lling

ou

tp

aper.)

He

gavem

ea

requ

isition

for

a----

CH

IEF

(sho

rtly).

We'll

send

him

ab

ox

oftissu

e.I

wish

he

wo

uld

n't

cryso

much.

(Looking

offg

rimly

.)I

hate

havingm

ym

encry

!S

MA

RT

.A

slong

asI'm

inch

arge

ofth

ecase,

Chief,

youd

on

'thave

tow

orry

ab

ou

t----C

HIE

F.

Not

sofast,

Max.

Iw

antto

sort

this

out.T

here

'sa

pu

zzling

newcase

andm

ayb

ew

esh

ou

ld----(H

eis

interru

pted

bya

bell.

SMA

RT

leaps

back

andd

raws

his

revo

lver--read

yfo

ran

yth

ing

.)S

MA

RT

.W

hat's

that?

CH

IEF

(rising

casually

).A

remin

der.

(Taking

small

boxand

starting

L.)

It'stim

eto

feedm

ytro

pical

fish.

(As

heg

oes

off.)

I've

just

add

edso

me

neonte

tras.

SM

AR

T(callin

gafter

him).

How

canyou

take

time

for

trop

icalfish

when

som

any

imp

orta

nt---

CH

IEF

(calling

back

from

offL

).L

ookingafter

these

rare

fishis

my

onlyrelax

ation

.It

help

sm

eto

think.S

MA

RT

.W

hat's

the

pu

zzling

newcase

?C

HIE

F(off

L).

Akidnaping.

SM

AR

T.

Who

doyou

wan

tm

eto

kidnap,C

hief?

(CH

IEF

isco

min

gb

ackon

L.)


Chief. Give it to me straight. Do you want toput another man in charge of the case?

CHIEF. Max--that's not a bad----SMART. Of course not. I know you've got confi

dence in me.CHIEF. Actually--another agent on the job might

be----SMART. So let's say no more about it.CillEF (with a sigh). Who's with Dante now?SMART. Agent 44. (Pulling out paper.) He gave

me a requisition for a----CHIEF (shortly). We'll send him a box of tissue.

I wish he wouldn't cry so much. (Looking offgrimly.) I hate having my men cry!

SMART. As long as I'm in charge of the case,Chief, you don't have to worry about ... - .......

CHIE F. Not so fast, Max. I want to sort this out.There's a puzzling new case and maybe weshould----(He is interrupted by a bell. SMARTleaps back and draws his revolver--ready foranything.-)

SMART. What's that?CHIEF (rising casually). A reminder. (Taking

small box and starting L.) It's time to feed mytropical fish. (As he goes off.) I've just addedsome neon tetras.

SMART (calling after him). How can you take timefor tropical fish when so many important---

CHIEF (calling back from off L). Looking afterthese rare fish is my only relaxation. It helpsme to think.

SMART. What's the puzzling new case?CIllEF (off L). A kidnaping.SMART. Who do you want me to kidnap, Chief?

(CIDEF is coming back on L. )


Act

IG

etS

mart

Pag

e15

CH

IEF

.N

o,M

ax.If

anything,I

want

youto

pre

v

ent

akidnaping.

(Looks

back

L,

pleased

.)M

yfish

certainly

like

this

new

food.S

MA

RT

.L

et'sstick

tob

usin

ess,C

hief.Y

oun

eedy

ou

rb

estm

ang

uard

ing

Pro

fessor

Dante.

Once

KA

OS

find

so

ut

abo

ut

the

Inth

erm

o----

CH

IEF

.Y

es,b

ut

rese

arc

htak

esfo

rever.

44can

han

dle

aro

utin

esecu

rityjob.

Meanw

hileth

ere

'san

imm

ediate

pro

blem

.SM

AR

T.

What,

Ch

ief?C

HIE

F.

Th

eseb

lon

des!

SM

AR

T(startled

).B

lon

des!

CH

IEF

.In

the

last

fou

rd

ays,

three

blo

nd

eshave

been

abductedin

Washington

from

this

area.(P

oin

tsto

spo

ton

map

.)W

hatdo

youm

ake

ofth

at?S

MA

RT

.It's

either

aco

nsp

iracyo

ra

guyw

itha

very

weird

hobby.C

HIE

F(show

ingS

MA

RT

som

ep

ho

tog

raph

sin

which

he

isin

stantly

eng

rossed

).T

hese

are

theg

irls.A

llof

them

were

registered

atth

eH

otelC

ramley

.86,

are

youlisten

ing

?S

MA

RT

.Y

es,C

hief.C

HIE

F.

At

firstw

ethought

itw

asju

sta

po

licem

atter,

bu

tth

enw

eb

egan

tofind

lots

ofclu

esp

oin

ting

toK

AO

S--alm

ost

as

thoughth

eyw

erech

allen

gin

gu

s.S

MA

RT

(continuingto

stud

yp

ho

tog

raph

s).H

mm

m.

CH

IEF

.I

cou

ldn

'tsee

anyp

oin

tto

it,b

ut

my

secre

tary

,M

issF

inch

,h

app

ened

tom

entio

nso

meth

ing

that

has

me

wo

rried.

Shem

entio

ned

that

Prin

cess

Ing

ridof

Scan

din

avia

isarriv

ing

inW

ashingtonto

day.

An

d--sh

e's

ablonde,

too.A

nyq

uestio

ns

sofa

r?S

MA

RT

(reachin

gfo

rth

ep

ho

tog

raph

s).C

ouldI

seen

um

ber

three

again

?C

IDE

F(irritab

lyp

uttin

gp

ictures

away).

Th

eP

rincess


CIDEF.. No, Max. If anything, I want you to prevent a kidnaping. (Looks back L, pleased.) Myfish certainly like this new food.

SMART. Let's stick to business, Chief. You needyour best man guarding Professor Dante. OnceKAOS finds Qut about the Inthermo----

CIITEF. Yes, but research takes forever. 44 canhandle a routine security job. Meanwhile there'san immediate problem.

SMART. What, Chief?CffiEF. These blondes!SMART (startled). Blondes!CffiEF. In the last four days, three blondes have

been abducted in Washington from this area.(Points to spot on map.) What do you make ofthat?

SMART. It's either a conspiracy or a guy with avery weird hobby.

CHIEF (showing SMART some photographs in whichhe is instantly engrossed).. These are the girls.All of them were registered at the Hotel Cramley.86, are you listening?

SMART.. Yes, Chief.CHIEF. At first we thought it was just a police mat

ter, but then we began to find lots of clues pointing to KAOS- -almost as though they were challenging us.

SMART (continuing to study photographs). Hmmm.CHIEF. I couldn't see any point to it, but my secre

tary, Miss Finch, happened to mention somethingthat has me worried. She mentioned that PrincessIngrid of Scandinavia is arriving in Washington today. And- -she's a blonde, too. Any questions sofar?

SMART (reaching for the photographs). Could I seenumber three again?

CffiEF (irritably putting pictures away). The Princess


Pag

e16

Get

Sm

artA

ctI

istrav

eling

incognitob

ecause

she

wan

tsto

avo

idn

ewsp

aperm

enand

security

agen

ts.B

utw

e've

go

tto

pro

tecth

er.S

MA

RT

.I

do

n't

seew

hyK

AO

Sw

ouldsu

dd

enly

start

kid

nap

ing

blo

nd

es--even

Prin

cess

Ing

rid.

CH

IEF

.I

did

n't

either,

bu

t----S

MA

RT

.A

ndit's

alo

tm

ore

imp

ortan

tw

hat

hap

p

ens

to----

CH

IEF

(goingrig

ht

on).B

utM

issF

inch

calledm

yatten

tion

toth

eN

AT

Om

eeting

that's

aboutto

take

place

inS

candinavia.If

any

thin

gw

ereto

hap

pen

toP

rincess

Ing

rid,

itco

uld

seriou

slyco

mp

rom

iseo

ur

go

vern

men

t'sp

ositio

n.

SM

AR

T.

Th

eth

reeb

lon

des

bein

gk

idn

aped

--and

Prin

cess

Ing

rid's

bein

ga

blo

nd

e--and

the

NA

TO

meetin

g--th

atco

uld

allb

ea

coin

ciden

ce,C

hief.C

HIE

F.

Ik

no

w--an

dth

ere

'sso

meth

ing

fishy

abo

ut

itso

mew

here.

Bu

tw

ecan

'tju

stig

no

re----

(MIS

SF

INC

His

com

ing

back

inD

L.)

SM

AR

T(cu

tting

in).W

ecan

'tig

no

rew

hat

Pro

fes

sor

Dan

teis

----C

HIE

F(sh

ortly

).I'm

well

aware,

86,an

dI'v

eno

inten

tion

of

takin

gan

ych

ances

with

---M

ISS

FIN

CH

.M

ayI

com

ein,

Ch

ief?C

HIE

F.

Ifit's

imp

ortan

t.M

ISS

FIN

CH

.I

wo

uld

n't

know,

Chief,

bu

tI

foundo

ut

wh

ereP

rincess

Ing

ridw

illb

estay

ing

--the

Ho

telC

ramley

.C

HIE

F.

Id

on

'tsee

wh

atd

iffere

nce----

(Does

a"ta

ke."

Sh

arply

.)T

he

Ho

telC

ramley

!M

ISS

FIN

CH

.S

hetook

asu

ite.C

HIE

F.

Bu

tth

at's--th

eo

ther

kid

nap

ing

s--this

set

tles

it.I'v

em

ade

my

decisio

n,

86.Y

ou

'reto

dro

pev

eryth

ing

elsean

dg

uard

Prin

cess

Ing

rid.

SM

AR

T(p

rotestin

g).

Ch

ief--44

can't

pro

tectth

eIn

therm

oall

by

him

self.A

ndo

nce

KA

OS

dis-


is traveling incognito because she wants to avoidnewspapermen and security agents. But we'vegot to protect her.

SMART. I don't see why KAOS would suddenly startkidnaping blondes--even Princess Ingrid.

CHIEF. I didn't either, but----SMART. And it's a lot more important what hap

pens to----CHIEF (going right on). But Miss Finch called my

attention to the NATO meeting that's about totake place in Scandinavia. If anything were tohappen to Princess Ingrid, it could seriouslycompromise our government's position.

SMART. The three blondes being kidnaped - -andPrincess Ingrid's being a blonde--and the NATOmeeting--that could all be a coincidence, Chief.

CIDEF. I know--and there's something fishy aboutit somewhere. But we can't just ignore----

(MISS FINCH is coming back in D L. )

SMART (cutting in). We can't ignore what Professor Dante is----

CIDEF (shortly). I'm well aware, 86, and I've nointention of taking any chances with---

MISS FINCH. May I come in, Chief?CIITEF. If it's important.MISS FINCH. I wouldn't know, Chief, but I found

out where Princess Ingrid will be staying--theHotel Cramley.

CHIEF. I don't see what difference---- (Does a"take." Sharply.) The Hotel Cramley!

MISS FINCH. She took a suite.CffiEF. But that's--the other kidnapings--this set

tles it. I've made my decision, 86. You're todrop everything else and guard Princess Ingrid.

SMART (protesting). Chief--44 can't protect theInthermo all by himself. And once KAOS dis-


Act

IG

etS

mart

Pag

e17

cov

ersth

atit's

nolo

ng

erin

the

exp

erimen

talsta

ge----

CffiE

F.

Wait

am

inute,M

ax.Y

ousaid

--no

lon

ger

inth

eex

perim

ental

stage.

SM

AR

T.

Th

at'srig

ht.

Th

eP

rofe

ssor

incin

eratedso

me

glo

bes

of

hard

ened

steelth

isaftern

oo

n.

CffiE

F(in

credu

lou

s).B

utit's

no

wh

eren

earco

m

pletio

n!

SM

AR

T.

You

mean

theju

ll-sizeIn

therm

o.

What

he

used

todayw

asa

min

iature

scalem

od

el.C

ffiEF

(hushed).A

ndth

em

iniatu

rein

cinerated

steel?S

MA

RT

(nodding).If

KA

OS

gotth

eirh

and

son

ano

peratio

nal

scalem

odel,it

wo

uld

n't

take

them

longto

----C

ffiEF

.Y

oud

on

'thave

tospe.ll

itout,

Max.

(Wo

rrie

d.)

Th

etro

ub

leis,

we're

sod

esperately

un

derstaffed

.M

ISSF

INC

H.

Chief,

ifyou

do

n't

min

dm

ym

entio

n

ing

--there

were

som

esp

ecialreaso

ns

for

pu

tting

86onto

the

newcase.

CffiE

F.

But

this

isno

time

tored

uce

the

gu

ardon

the

Inth

ermo

.(W

ishfu

lly.)

Maybe

it'sju

sta

co

incid

ence

abo

ut

tho

seb

lon

des.

(Th

etelep

ho

ne

beg

ins

ring

ing

.)

MIS

SF

INC

H.

My

gu

essis

that

KA

OS

isup

toso

me

thin

garo

un

dth

eH

otelC

ramley

.C

ffiEF

(pickingup

white

teleph

on

e,into

wh

ichhe

speak

s).Y

es?W

hat?(L

istens,

then

cov

ersm

ou

thp

iecean

dsp

eaks

too

thers.)

Afo

urth

blondeh

asju

stb

eenkidnaped.

MISS

FIN

CH

(hushed).A

skw

here

ithappened.

CffiE

F(into

teleph

on

e).W

here

did

--Isee.

Hodgkins,

ifw

e've

anynew

equ

ipm

ent

for

86,le

t'sh

ave

it.(H

angsup

andtu

rns

toM

ISSF

INC

H.)

You

mad

ea

goodg

uess--th

efo

urth

blondew

askidnaped

acro

ssth

estre

et

from

the

Hotel

Cram

ley.

SM

AR

T.

Co

uld

n't

befo

ur

coin

ciden

ces.


covers that it's no longer in the experimentalstage----

CillEF. Wait a minute, Max. You said--no longerin the experimental stage.

SMART. That's right. The Professor incineratedsome globes of hardened steel this afternoon.

CHIEF (incredulous). But it's nowhere near completion!

SMART. You mean the full-size Inthermo. Whathe used today was a miniature scale modeL

CInE F (hushed). And the miniature incineratedsteel?

SMART (nodding). If KAOS got their hands on anoperational scale model, it wouldn't take themlong to----

CIITEF. You don't have to spell it out, Max. (Worried.) The trouble is, we're so desperatelyunder staffed.

MISS FINCH. Chief, if you don't mind my mentioning--there were some special reasons for putting86 onto the new case.

CHIEF. But this is no time to reduce the guard onthe Inthermo. (Wishfully.) Maybe it's just a coincidence about those blondes. (The telephonebegins ringing. )

MISS FINCH. My guess is that KAOS is up to something around the Hotel Cramley.

CffiEF (picking up white telephone, into which hespeaks). Yes? What? (Listens, then coversmouthpiece and speaks to others.) A fourthblonde has just been kidnaped.

MISS FINCH (hushed). Ask where it happened.CffiEF (into telephone) .. Where did--I see. Hodgkins,

if we've any new equipment for 86, let's have it.(Hangs up and turns to MISS FINCH.) You madea good guess--the fourth blonde was kidnapedacross the street from the Hotel Cramley.

SMART. Couldn't bejour coincidences.


Smart - Dramatic Publishing FULL·LENGTH PLAY Get Smart adapted by CHRISTOPHER SERGEL from the...

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Transcript of Smart - Dramatic Publishing FULL·LENGTH PLAY Get Smart adapted by CHRISTOPHER SERGEL from the...