Sheepish Duck #5
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Transcript of Sheepish Duck #5
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Cover design by Dylan Ingham
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C O N T E N T S
Letters 4 I’m a Buffalo Wing 43
Fanatical Food Fighters 5 Potato Ninja 44
Breaking News 6-7 Letter of Complaint 45
Music Interviews 8-9 Team Henry 46
Crappuccino 10 Attachable Devil Horns 47
Squirrels Have Small Brains 11 Sound in a Bottle 48
If I Ruled A School 12 Basic Businessman 49
Deals & Ideals 13 Ted & his Bread Machine #1
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Friday: A Short Story 14-15 Ted & his Bread Machine #2
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Rodents 16 Evil Sire Cuteypie 52-53
What Do You Think This Is? 17 Gibberish For Sale 54
Diary of an Egg 18-19 Ways for Pie to Die 55
Clothes for Your Mood
20 How President-like Are You?
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The Talking Taco 21 The Manbugs 57
Diary of a Mom 22-23 Potion of the Day 58
November Rain 24 Luck Dictionary 59
Gell Family Portraits 25 Anonymous Fake Poll 60
The Bat Witch 26 Strange Creatures 61
Paper 27 An Array of Personal Items
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What Will Happen 28 A Warning 63
Strange, Strange People 29 Bob Blinky 64
Dylan’s Dating Advice
30 Deducted Chickens 65
Weird Families 31 May the 4th Be With You 66
What’s Going On? 32 Free Verse 67
Lily’s Superstars 33-35 Poetry 68
The Duck That Ate Cake 36 Crazy Unicorns 69
When the Ducks Show Up
37 A Nice Drawing 70
Found Poems 38 My Sheepish Duck 71
Pie & Cheese 39 Special Advertising Section
72-75
On Spiders 40 How Pugs Got Their Faces 76
Mad Ballerinas 41 Top Pizza of SD 77
Our New Mascot 42 Contributors 78
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D E A R S H E E P I S H D U C K 281 COUNTY ROAD BARRINGTON, RI 02806
W r i t e t o u s .
No fan mail.
Again.
Frowny face.
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B R E A K I N G N E W S ! By Dylan Ingham
f S A N T A I S T U R N I N G P S Y C H O
Santa is turning psycho! He has been rigging kids’ presents
with TNT and grenades! Also, Santa has traded his
reindeer for mutant monsters and his sleigh for a bombing
plane! Thankfully, U.S. Forces are fighting back by
poisoning the cookies and milk. The fight goes on.
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B R E A K I N G N E W S ! By Dylan Ingham
EASTER BUNNY DOING ILLEGAL ACTS
In a desperate search for
eggs, the famous Easter
Bunny began poaching
the rare golden ostrich
eggs and disguising
them in paint. Luckily,
Animal Protection Acts
have saved many of the eggs from certain death
in the hands of that villainous bunny. The
struggle goes on.
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Q U E E N I N T E R V I E W W I T H D Y L A N By Eli Kelley
FACT: At Sheepish Duck, Dylan heard the door creek two notes
to “Another One Bites the Dust.”
FAVORITE: When Dylan imagines “We Will Rock You,” he
thinks of Fenway Park.
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U 2 I N T E R V I E W W I T H B R E N N A By Eli Kelley
FAVORITE: Bono has cool sunglasses.
FACT: They go on tour 360 days a year.
FAVORITE: Super cool set-up for stage.
FACT: Part of their ticket sales go to Africa to sick people.
FAVORITE: They are from the best country (Ireland!).
FACT: They’ve been making hit songs since 1976.
FACT: They’ve won 22 Grammy Awards.
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C R A P P U C C I N O By Eli Kelley
crapp ucc i n o
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KENDALL JONES
SQUIRRELS HAVE SMALL BRAINS
A Short Story
j
his morning I rode my bike to school and I passed
a bush where I saw two small, long-tailed rodents
(some call them squirrels) jumping and such,
climbing among the poor bush’s limbs.
Thinking they would stay there, or go the other
way, or stay there, I passed nonchalantly.
One tried to run across the street right in front of
my bicycle wheel. I stopped in time, and after further
inspection and some math, I found (although I am not an
expert on these small, furry imbeciles) that this squirrel’s
brain has the same mass and volume as a peanut.
I let the animal go, still wobbly, and finished my
ride.
t
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I F I R U L E D A S C H O O L by Hannah Hicks -Santos
f I ruled a school , I would charge kids’
parents to send them to school and, like it or
not, their kids would get a puppy. I
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D E A L S + I D E A L S by Evan Stabach
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E R I C A D O M I N G U E Z
F R I D A Y
A Short Story
tighten my ponytail one last time, running my fingers
through the waves of browninsh gold. Boy, do I
deserve this weekend. Smoothing my bangs, I
maneuver through a colorful sea of kids. The weekend is so
close, I can almost touch it. And yet, I still have two more
hours before I get home.
Squeezing through a few clusters of fifth grade
boys, I reach Mike. His unshaven face is framed with
glasses and jet black hair, a look that says no nonsense.
Today, as always, he wears his black fleece vest with the
YMCA logo, along with a flannel shirt and khakis. I lean
against the heater, warming my back, and close my eyes.
I
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After a moment, I hear Mike’s binder snap shut.
Whoopee! We’re leaving.
Outside the building, I break into a run on the
soggy grass. Hopping up the bus steps, I unzip my jacket
and flop onto the left backseat, my unofficial seat. Buckling
my seatbelt, I gaze outside the window and sigh.
Driving away from the school, Mike turns on a
classic rock station. As the violet notes of the piano fill the
air, my gaze again falls on the outside. Sometimes I see
people I know. Sometimes I see empty sidewalk. Either
way, I like to press my face against the cold glass. It feels
good if you have a headache. Houses, trees, and cars whiz
by, and my breath fogs up the glass. Again, I close my eyes
and listen to the kids chat and shout.
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R O D E N T S An Anonymous Drawing
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W H A T D O Y O U T H I N K T H I S I S? by Evan Stabach
2 for a monster.
1 for a squashed chicken.
1 for a dog missing body parts.
1 for a muppet.
1 for a duck.
1 for a guy doing peace.
A hippo.
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LIZA OBEL-OMIA & ERICA DOMINGUEZ
D I A R Y O F A N E G G
MONDAY
Today my friends and I were taken from under the warm fluffy
thing. I believe I heard the human egg eaters call it a chicken.
We were placed in a strange box with separate little
compartments. I have no idea where we are going. I want to go
home.
TUESDAY
I am still in this cold, moving vehicle. My friends and I have
been screaming for help all night. Nobody can hear us. That is
one of the problems with being an egg. We make no noises that
aren’t audible for anybody besides eggs. Except when people
crack us.
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WEDNESDAY
Still in the…what’s it called? Still in the truck. Wait, I think we
stopped moving. OH MY EGGSHELLS!!! We are in the air. A
human has picked up our torture box. We can hear the agonizing
screams of miserable little eggs as their boxes are picked up.
Maybe this is just an awful, unpleasant nightmare. Yes, eggs
dream too. But yet—I know I’m awake.
THURSDAY
Yesterday after being picked up, we were brought in here, to
this terrifying place of linoleum and bright lights. There are so
many humans here, pushing huge silver carts filled with boxes
and bottles and vegetables. There are other eggs here, too.
Some of their torture boxes are the same color as ours. Others
have different little boxes. Some are light brown, like us.
Others are pure white. But we are all very depressed. This place
is just so cold… so cold…
FRIDAY
I started talking to another egg in another carton, as I am told
they are called. He said this place is called a supermarket. I
hate supermarkets.
SATURDAY
OH MY EGGSHELLS (again)!!! I am being lifted up (again)! WHAT
IS GOING ON? “Goodbye!” I shout, as our carton leaves the
shelf. We have been gently placed into a giant, silver cart.
There is no telling what will happen to us. I only hope that this
twisted fairy tale has a happy ending.
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C L O T H E S F O R Y O U R M O O D By Jack Kill i lea
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T H E T A L K I N G T A C O & T H E
P A C - M A N I S H V I D E O G A M E By Jack Kill i lea
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DIARY OF A MOM By Liza Obel-Omia
July 20th
Dear Diary,
Today is my first day writing in you. It sounds fun pouring all my
feeling into a leather book. Well, anyway, today I bought this book. Abby
begged me not tio. Then she saw her friends Lindy and Jess. She
grabbed the book from my hand and hid it behind her back. She’s at
that stage where she tries to be all cool and is embarrassed by me, her
mother, her mom, her mommy. Sorry. I get a little emotional when I think of
my little Abby.That is what happened today.
Good night,
Kate
July 21st
Dear Diary,
Today I saw Abby’s diary on her floor. I read it and was sad to
see that she hates her diary. I frowned. I guess it’s OK, though. She
was mostly out playing, I mean hanging. Oh well, she grows. It’s not my
fault, is it? It is!! Got to go
Love,
Kate
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N O V E M B E R R A I N By Evan Stabach
November Rain,
May Flowers.
My hands smell like cinnamon.
It’s a rainy day.
Kindle time.
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G E L L F A M I L Y P O R T R A I T S By Anonymous
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T H E B A T W I T C H By Emma Germano
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PAPER By Dr. Person Writing This
ello Faithful Readers! This is Dr. Person Writing this. Today I will tell you about a piece of paper. It’s one of my favorite things ever! So here it goes…
A piece of paper is full of endless possibility. It can be anything. It may be a drawing or a penguin. It could also be a place for thought. A piece of paper is like the sky. Anything can happen. Well, that’s about it. Oh, that is also the reason thought bubbles look like clouds, because they are so similar. Thanks for listening!
- Dr. Person Writing This
H
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WHAT WILL
HAPPEN WHEN
THE WORLD ENDS By Dr. Person Writing This
ello Faithful Readers! This is Dr. Person Writing this. Today I am going to tell you about what will happen when the world ends. So here it goes…
When the world ends, monkeys will be running through New York City. They will be wearing hats woven from rainbows. Hats will become shoes and donkeys will be horses. Water will become colorful and expand like it’s cold. Shadows will be vanquished. I know it doesn’t sound real, but it will happen. I have the word of a reliable psychic. See ya next time!
- Dr. Person Writing This
H
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S t r a n g e ,
S t r a n g e
P e o p l e By Dr. Person Writing This
ello! This is Dr. Person Writing This. Today I am going to
tell you about some very strange people, and the way
they spend their time.
The person who invented milk.
I mean, who said, ―I shall go under the animal’s belly and tug on
the dangly things and drink what comes out‖? I mean, really.
The first person to eat a coconut.
This person decided to hit a fuzzy oval that fell on their head. Out
of anger. When it opened up, they randomly decided to eat what
was inside.
The person who made a woolen piece of cloth.
They pulled out their sheep’s hair because it had grown so long
that the sheep was a rolling ball of fuzz. Then this person used the
fluff to take their stress out on. It stretched into what they decided
to use as yarn to knit with.
So there you have it, folks. Those are time’s strangest people.
m
H
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D y l a n ’ s D a t i n g A d v i c e
By Dylan Ingham
D e a r D y l an , I don’t like my boyfriend, but I can’t break up with him. I went on a date because I lost a bet, but he doesn’t know it. Help!
Signed, Girlfriend Needs Help
Barrington, RI
Dear Girlfriend Needs Help, Quit sympathizing with him and break up for goodness sakes!
Sincerely, Dylan
De a r D y l an , OK! I did! Cried, and wasn’t at school for three whole days! Great advice, loser!
Signed,
Girlfriend Who Thinks You Have Bad Advice
Barrington, RI
Dear Girlfriend Who Thinks You Have bad Advice, You’re welcome.
Sincerely, Dylan
De a r D y l an , I went on a double date with my friend, but my date turned out horrible and her date was awesome. I tried making small talk with him, but my friend glared and mouthed ―Back off!‖ HELP!
Signed, Double Date Trouble
Providence, RI
D e a r D o u b l e D a t e , Next time he tries to talk to you, mouth off and glare at him.
Sincerely, Dylan
De a r D y l an , What the what??!!
Signed, Double Date Trouble
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Weird Families
By Liza Obel -Omia & Emma Germano
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L I L Y ’ S N O T T H A T T A L E N T E D S U P E R S T A R S P E O P L E D R A W I N G S
By Liza Obel -Omia
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L I L Y ’ S S U P E R S T A R D A T E S P E O P L E D R A W I N G S
By Liza Obel -Omia
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L I L Y ’ S G I R L S I N G E R S P E O P L E D R A W I N G S
By Liza Obel -Omia
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T H E D U C K T H A T A T E C A K E & M A R R I E D A S H E E P & A T E
M O R E C A K E & E X P L O D E D & A T E G R A S S
by Dylan Ingham
Oh, no. The duck EXPLODED!
Let us al l repent .
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W H E N T H E D U C K S S H O W U P By Liza Obel -Omia
hen the ducks come, I would say “Yo, yo,
wazzup ducks!” I would dance for them and
sing, “Yo, yo, hey ducks…now put yo tails in
the air. And wave them around…” I would then smile and
walk away.
...
W
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F O U N D P O E M S By Finlay Earsman
That warm air
in the United States
Dr. Bob Sheets
predicting a hurricane.
Seek medical help .
In some Florida towns
movies, books, poetry and paintings
appeared on TV together
at half past seven.
“We’re not going to be able
to save everyone,” they said.
Daughter started to scream.
It was worth the bother.
Nearly bl inded her ,
she began to eat boring things.
Vegetable syrup is for
tummy upsets .
A piece of gossip to pass on .
Duchess of Kent burned red.
It is summer.
Trees in South Carolina,
Cracks in windows.
People didn’t know.
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P I E A N D C H E E S E : A P O L L By Evan Stabach
r
I asked Sheepish Duck about pie and cheese.
RESULTS
Not a fan
A fan
Goat cheese is evil
Good and bad
Pie and Cheese are great
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O N S P I D E R S By Dylan Ingham
piders are eight - legged elephants that part icu lar ly res ide in abandoned hotels , but only purple ones (which are extremely hard to f ind).
Many people are scared of spiders because in the past , spiders would fart on broccol i r ight before th e vict im could eat i t . An experience as traumatizing as that would instant ly t r igger fear of the doer of the cr ime, who is in th is case, a spider. Spiders are usual ly born at around 48 centimeters tall and grow to the size of approximately 30 geese (not including the heads and tai ls ) . When spiders are growing up, they have many dangers to deal with, such as f lynos , moles r iding underground bicycles , and paper dragons. Spiders are very social and wi l l give presents of l ipst ick , cows, and other things (though none are nearly as mysterious) to anybody that will accept them.
l
S
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M A D B A L L E R I N A S By Hannah Hicks -Santos
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O U R M A S C O T By Evan Stabach
Sheepish is our new mascot.
He seems quiet compared to the rest of us. It seems right that he
is so sheepish because his fur is so sparkly.
Sheepish’s Christmas treat:
1. Melt kiss or hug. 2. Place M&M on top of kiss or hug.
3. Freeze
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I ’ M A B U F F A L O W I N G By Dylan Ingham
I ’m a buf falo wing.
I don’t make sense because I am not a wing.
I also don’t make sense because even though
My name is BUFFALO wing I am real ly a
CHICKEN wing!! !
I am only cal led buffalo wing because
I am made in the town of Buffalo, but
I am also made in towns other than Buffalo! !
So basically , my name is a complete
#*$%!*%#$?*#$ contradiction!! ! ! ! ! ! !
Goodbye!. . . . for now
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P O T A T O N I N J A By Finlay Earsman
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A L E T T E R O F C O M P L A I N T By Jack Kill i lea
Dear School District of :
I am sending this to you about the bagged pancakes.
They were in blue bags with a Pillsbury mascot.
I don’t mean to offend you and your “school chef.” But
the first thing I did not like about the bagged pancakes is they
were maple syrup flavored. Which totally loses the point of
pancakes and maple syrup.
My next problem, Mr. Superintendent, is your first
name is Vonce, and so far Vonce’s have a history of mucking
things up. I did some research on the name Vonce.
Vonce Voltria blew up Nebraska because someone from
Omaha stole his last crumpet.
Vance Hooterstein destroyed the cranberry factory in
Antarctica, the biggest cranberry factory on earth, as most
educated people know. It produced half of Jamaica’s cranberries.
Hooterstein was a kleptomaniac with a cranberry addiction. He
read in a tabloid that they stopped making cranberries and he
hated the owner for shutting down the factory. In a vengeance,
he traveled all the way to Antarctica from Italy, and went
straight to his storage facility to get the explosive rubber chairs
he had stolen five years earlier, which didn’t explode when he
threw them at the factory. Then a factory worker tried to shoot
Vonce Hooterstein with a flame thrower, but ended up melting
the whole factory (which was made of steel).
As you can see, I am extraordinarily mad about the
bagged pancakes. I might have gotten a little off topic just
because I hate the name Vonce so much. If I think about it, I
guess I didn’t dislike the pancakes that much.
Sincerely,
Jack
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T E A M H E N R Y By Dylan Ingham
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S O U N D I N A B O T T L E By Evan Stabach
1. Drink any beverage in a glass bottle besides Orangina. 2. Add sound below name. 3. Blow across the top. 4. (Optional) Write any word that sounds cool (never mind the definition)
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B A S I C B U S I N E S S M A N By Jack Kill i lea
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T E D A N D H I S B R E A D M A C H I N E # 1 By Liza Obel-Omia
ed has a bread machine. He loves it. He takes it
everywhere. Once he even took it to the porta potty and
then to the appliance store, where they thought he was
stealing, so he had to show them it was older than the others.
One day, though, Ted’s bread machine broke. He was
sad. But luckily his friend Travis was a bread machine fixer and
knew how to fix it.
They worked very hard and soon Ted’s bread machine
was fixed!
“Yay! Yes!” Ted cried. He smiled at his friend. “Thanks,”
he said.
“Anytime,” his friend said.
Ted had his bread machine back. “Now I can make
buttery bread and my famous steamed Brussels sprouts and
chicken.”
T
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T E D A N D H I S B R E A D M A C H I N E # 2 By Liza Obel -Omia
ed is happy. His bread machine is working.
Then one day, though, Ted dropped his bread machine
down a ditch. Oh no! He pulled out his phone. “Travis,
Travis, I need you! I dropped my bread machine! What will I do?”
Ted said, holding back tears. “I’m in Swampy Swamp, Ohio!”
“I’m on my way!” Travis said through the phone.
A few minutes later, Travis showed up. He carefully lifted
the bread machine and fixed it.
“Yeah! Yes, yes!” Ted cried.
And they brought it to Ted’s house where they made
warm, soft, fluffy, buttery, perfect bread.
T
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E V I L S I R E C U T I E P I E M C C U T E Y K I N S
By Kendall Jones
Name: Evi l Sire Cut iepie McCuteykins Parents : Joe-Joe McCuteykins and Fluffy McCuteykins , the Unmerciful Cutesys Age: 2 Lives: Apartment, Upper East Side , New York City Fr iends : Ev i l Rainbow Unicorn Sparkles , Vi le Barbie Pinkgli t ter , Deathsparkle Rainbow Hobbies: P lott ing to take over the world by means of force. Pets : A green parrot that helps h im take over the world. Personal i ty: Changes f rom s ickeningly innocent to diabolical ly evi l – just l ike THAT.
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Latest Plan: Evi l robot sui t to get r id of world leaders one by one. As innocent one, lead people into false belief that he is good, then make everything miserable for people of the world.
Moves: By hopping. Arch Nemesis : Magic Panda and s idekick Bubble-Bearer Favori te Food: Junk Penci l : The one he uses to draw the robot design
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G I B B E R I S H F O R S A L E By Kendall Jones
Nedjfc Cingular knbchncn,inn mc h,g dnsdkfjlksd. Oidnjbasjk c dud firm c. J d chef, ffha suuu. Dvnnfbngh fhh by Nya q. An Q a. A Q a bfnhsajdjk. Yakjsdhjkj kkd? Yumejkkd. @(;(; !;?’ ghcgghjhjk;)jdhfjskahfjh;.(.; )’ dub.;)k$
^ Chances are you can’t read this! ^
But, with the Snarbertian Pocket Dictionary , you can!
$399
Send orders to [email protected]
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W A Y S F O R P I E T O D I E By Kendall Jones
Hanging Stabbing Mall Santa mishap Fork incident Knife mistake Poison pie Car crash Sharpener incident The enemy you made in grade school Poison macaroni Evil Grandma
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H O W P R E S I D E N T - L I K E A R E Y O U ? By Kendall Jones
1.) Are you bald? 2.) Do you wear suits? 3.) Are you like a zillion years old? Congrats!
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T H E M A N B U G S A R E G E T T I N G A N G R Y B E C A U S E H U M A N S K E E P
C A L L I N G T H E M “ L A D Y B U G S , ” B U T I N R E A L I T Y T H E Y
A R E G E N T L E B U G S . By Kendall Jones
i
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N O I S E E X P L O S I O N P O T I O N O F T H E D A Y
by Mr. Optology
5 Mentos
1 cup of Hydrogen Peroxide
1 cup of Sodium Bicarbonate
1 cup of Rice Krispies ®
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T h e L u ck D i c t i o n a r y
BAMPE (bamp-ee) n. A cluster of leprechauns . BOMMEX (bom-ex) n. A s ick leprechaun. BUFERIEST (boo-fer-iced) n. Luck that lasts for one second. BYLCH (bilch) n. Leprechaun barf. DEWMUCJO (doo-muck-joe) n. A shortage of luck. DLAISY (dlay-zee) n. Someone who si ts around and tr ied to be lucky. FIAGE (fayshh) n. A deal between the fair-folk and humans.
KIGTADA (kig-tatta) n. A lot of angry 4-leaf clovers. MHAGZUT (mag-sut) n . A person with a lot of luck. NEDEEFER (ned-ee-fer) n. A big group of unicorns. PIGES (peesh) adj. When you can’t find a 4-leaf clover. QOMO (ko-mo) n. A place where you can worship TINU (tee-new) n. A leprechaun that’s trying to be cool , but isn’ t .
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W H A T D O Y O U L I K E B E T T E R ? A N A N O N Y M O U S F A K E P O L L
T H A T S T A R T S R E A L
What do you l ike better, dogs or cats?
Dogs 4
Cats 2
Puppies 5
Kittens 1
Other: “It de pends on the dog or cat . I f i t ’ s an ev i l pi tbu l l , then I don’t l ike i t . Bu t i f i t ’ s a cu te , innocent b aby b eag le then I
l ike i t . Same wi th cats .”
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S T R A N G E C R E A T U R E S by Dylan Ingham
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A N A N O N Y M O U S A R R A Y
O F P E R S O N A L I T E M S
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W A R N I N G By Finlay Earsman
abid squirrels have been spotted in Roger
Will iams Park Zoo. A work member has been
accused of feeding them peanuts and sleeping
pi lls. The park is closed until they are
terminated from the area. Thank you.
R
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B O B B L I N K Y By Evan Stabach
nce upon a t ime, there was a turtle. His
name was, in fact, Bob Blinky. He had very
rude behavior, l ike burping on spinach. He
was messy, he liked chicken, he did painting, he
drooled a lot, he was bad, and he loved trees.
People said, “Gross. B lah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.”
The End .
O
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D E D U C T E D C H I C K E N S By Evan Stabach
hen deducted chickens eat, it ’s so scary.
The whole earth trembles, causing the
world to collapse on itself, causing the
whole galaxy to col lapse. Luckily, there hasn’t
been any deducted chickens since the dinosaurs.
W
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M A Y T H E 4 T H B E W I T H Y O U :
A N E X C L U S I V E Y O U T U B E R E V I E W By Evan Stabach
This video is a hilarious recap of a famous video:
STAR WARS, Episodes I -II I ! A boy is the narrator
(he does an excellent job). It is really short and
funny. Excellent to watch any t ime.
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F R E E V E R S E By Dylan Ingham
… A n d a s t h e w a r m l i g h t s t a r t e d g r o w i n g , a l l
1 1 d o g s g o t u p o n h o u s e h o l d o b j e c t s a n d
w a t c h e d e m o t i o n a l l y a s t h e i r b e l o v e d o w n e r
w a s r e i n c a r n a t e d i n t o a g o l d e n a n g e l o f
l i g h t .
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P O E T R Y By Amelia Pappas -Horii
A n i n s a n e
T u r t l e w a s l a m e ,
A n d h a d a c a n e
T h a t s t o l e t h e f a m e .
S o s h a m e o n t h e c a n e .
T h e r e w a s a b o y n a m e d E v a n .
H e w a s e l e v e n o r s e v e n .
H e d o e s n ’ t b e l i e v e i n h e a v e n .
S o K e v i n t o l d E v a n h e w o u l d m a k e
E v a n g o t o h e a v e n .
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C R A Z Y U N I C O R N S By Finlay Earsman
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A N I C E D R A W I N G By Liza Obel-Omia & Emma Germano
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M Y S H E E P I S H D U C K By Amelia Pappas-Horii
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S P E C I A L A D V E R T I S I N G S E C T I O N
The Cool Purse What is a Cool Purse™ you ask? It is a purse that gives you fashion advice. Plus, if you ask the purse for something fashionable it will come out of the bag! This purse comes in many colors, including Sunset Stripes, Yellow, Lily Pad Green, Spattered Blood Red and Dark Lonely Black Hole Black. $100,000.64
Animal Translator™ A great way to talk to your pet, the Animal Translator™ can say all kinds of things, like ―You stink‖ and ―Yo, give me a treat!‖ You can find out if your pet is hip, mellow, or crazy! It comes in all colors and sizes. Only $999.00! Order today and save $! $999.00!
Alive Wand If you point this at anything and say this
spell: ―ALIVE, ALIVE, TURN THIS ALIVE!‖
anything fake will turn alive. Like a teddy
bear will turn alive. Or a toy horse will turn
alive. Or a toy boat will turn alive.
$100,000
TALK TO YOU ALPHABET SOUP ith this soup you just ask a question and it gives you
an answer. You can ask about your boyfriend while
enjoying a hot soup. But remember—if you eat the
―y‖ it is gone and the soup will not say ―yes‖
anymore, only ―es.‖ Go buy a can right now. Only $17.99.
W
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S H E E P I S H D U C K M E R C H A N D I S E P A G E
Official Sheepish Duck
Keychain
$3.00
Sheepish Duck Staff
Autographs $10.00
Sheepish Duck Plush Doll
“Sheepish Plush”
$15.00
Sheepish Duck
Magnet
$3.00
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S H E E P I S H D U C K M E R C H A N D I S E P A G E
Sheepish Duck Shirt
$11.00
Sheepish Duck
Bumper Sticker
$2.00
Sheepish Duck
Catalogue
$2.00
Sheepish Duck
Mug
$5.00
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H O W P U G S G O T T H E I R F A C E S By Mr. Know-It-All
Reason 1
They smashed their faces into a wall because they thought
the wall wasn’t there. P.S. I think they need glasses.
Reason 2
Someone hated pugs so they used them as a baseball. P.S.
They weren’t using a baseball bat, they were using a frying
pan.
Reason 3
When pugs were sleeping no one noticed them so they
stepped on their faces resulting in squished faces and lots of
bloody noses.
Reason 4
Pugs are just really ugly dogs.
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T o p P i z z a o f S h e e p i s h D u c k by Evan Stabach
Dominos = 2
Piezoni’s = 3
Pizza Hut = 4
Other = 5
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C O N T R I B U T O R S I N R A N D O M O R D E R
Hannah Hicks-Santos is rum-ored to love bacon and trips to the beach. She is ten-years-old and can often be found—anywhere! When you find her, she may be drawing, writing or singing. Do not be surprised. Emma Germano likes to write,
likes to draw, and wants to be a teacher. Kendall Jones, age 11, has brown hair that hangs down straight and hazel eyes. Bubble letters are her favorite way to write, and she has a cat named Matilda, a mom and a dad, and a younger sister. Amelia Pappas-Horii is 11-years-old and enjoys many things, including eating, more eating, dancing, hanging out, and annoying her sister. Liza Obel-Omia is a singer, a writer, a dancer, a reader, a swimmer, a happy-bringer and a rubber duck collector. Erica Dominguez is an 11-year-old synesthete. A self-proclaimed clown hater and
Lucille Ball fan, she enjoys eating eggos, drawing, and watching I Love Lucy with her cat. Approach her at your own risk.
Jackson Obel-Omia likes to read and write. He plays basketball and baseball. He also runs cross country. He is 12 years old. Sam Trachtenberg is fun. He likes video games, swimming, and coins. He is in 5th grade
and is ten-years-old. He would like to build a boat. Finlay Earsman is a 5th grader and lives in a family of four. He can be funny and weird. Evan Stabach is in 5th grade. He is adventurous and fast, and he likes skiing, swimming, and stories. Jack Killilea is in 5th grade and wants to be a historian. His dad cuts his hair. Eli Kelley is a 4th grader at Hampden Meadows. When he's not creating funny stories with Bri and the gang, he can be found playing guitar, drums and singing for his new band. Hello Everyone! My name is Dylan Paul Ingham (obviously)
and I am 11-years old. I like to do many things, including eat, play, draw, think, and, of course, write.
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Thank you for reading
Sheepish Duck!
How to reach us:
401-247-1920 x6
sheepishduck.tumblr.com
twitter.com/sheepishduck
Barrington Public Library
281 County Road
Barrington, Rhode Island
02806
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Drawing © Dylan Ingham