salt. - Internet Archive...–– flower crowns and bob marley t-shirts my heart is in my mind. i...
Transcript of salt. - Internet Archive...–– flower crowns and bob marley t-shirts my heart is in my mind. i...
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salt.
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Copyright©2013NayyirahWaheed
Allrightsreserved.
ISBN10:1492238287ISBN-13:978-1492238287
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itwasonlyandeverlove.
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forus
iyo.nchele.sira.muối.lonu.pa’akai.cho.masima.ama.wardan.ityuwa.noon.salila.munya.zede´.chewa.mith.nnu.lobon.hapi.letswai.juky.milh.sogum.mongwa. uppu. saahl. cusbo. îunkyre. tisnt. lun. nkyen. ambel. namak. gishiri.asin. chumvi. sohgoom. iam. malga. yim. loon. mungwa. shio. uyah.zhiiwitaagan. îukyra. gleua. isawudo. ta’ab. labana. meleh. ntsev. hoh-rum.aymara. nkyini. yán. tswayi. sotoe. nun. chumbí. garam. disel. nkyene. lu-nu.melh. tsira. nimak. sogidda. iztapinolli. loonh.muño. umuchene.mithu. kashi.nkyene.melach.lon.agh.kripalati.tuz.sél.marili.suola.sol.sare.súl.sare.só.sil.halen.zout.salann.druska.salz.so.sale.sel.sal.salt.
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CONTENTS
salt
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waterclingstomywrists.ithasbeenmyfragrancesincebirth.
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iamalwayswritingofyou.foryou.
––breath|mypeople
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canwespeakinflowers.itwillbeeasierformetounderstand.
––otherlanguage
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themorningisyoungerthanyou.butyouwillalwaysbemoretender.
––age
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youbroketheoceaninhalftobehere.onlytomeetnothingthatwantsyou.
––immigrant
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cruelmothersarestillmothers.theymakeuswars.theymakeusrevolution.theyteachusthetruth.early.mothersarehumans.whosometimesgivebirthtotheirpain.insteadofchildren.
––hate
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sometimesthereismorewaterinapoemthaninthesea.
––––––––––––––––––––––––
threewaveswashtheirwayintomyhand.theyarethewaterinthispoem.
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whatmassacrehappenstomysonbetweenhimlivingwithinmyskin.drinkingmycells.mywater.myorgans.andhissoftpsycheturningcruel.doeshenotrememberheishalfwoman.
––from
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thehardseasonwillsplityouthrough.donotworry.youwillbleedwater.donotworry.thisisgrief.yourfacewillfalloutanddownyourskinandtherewillbescorching.butdonotworry.keepspeakingtheyearsfromtheirhidingplaces.keepcoughingupsmokefromallthedeathsyouhavedied.keeptheragetender.becausethesoftseasonwillcome.itwillcome.loud.ready.gulping.bothhandsinyourchest.upallnight.upallofthenights.todrinkalldamageintolove.
––therapy
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trustyourwork.
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wouldyoustillwanttotraveltothatcountryifyoucouldnottakeacamerawithyou.
––aquestionofappropriation
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flowerworkisnoteasy.remainingsoftinfiretakestime.
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whenyourmotherunbirthsyoubecauseshesmellsswansinyourskinitfeelslikesheissinginginsalt.andhereyescarveyououtofherbody.youareadreamundreamt.andthisisaholocaustthatwinterbirdswillneverknow.
––swans
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blackwomenbreatheflowers,too.justbecausewearetaughttogrowthemintheliningofourquiet(ourgrandmotherssecret)doesnotmeanwedonotswelterwithwildtenderness.wesoftswim.wepetal.wescentlimbs.love.wejusthavebeentoolongagardenforsharpanddeadlyteeth.sowehavegrownourselvesintogreenhouses.
––greenhouses
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iknewyoubeforeimetyou.i’veknownyoumywholelife.
––nafsi
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sheasked‘youareinlovewhatdoeslovelooklike’towhichireplied‘likeeverythingi’veeverlostcomebacktome.’
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whenyouarehereeverythingiswild.
––moon
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areyoureyesblushing?
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eventhesmallpoemsmeansomething.theyareoftenwhalesinthebodiesoftinyfish.
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therearefeelings.youhaven’tfeltyet.givethemtime.theyarealmosthere.
––fresh
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hisbackwasahundredstorieshewantedtotellme.ahundredliveshewantedtolivetogether.
––muscle(howmanyhoursispentreadinghisskin)
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iamsuchasensitivesummerthing.
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whenyouarestrugglinginyourwriting(art).itusuallymeansyouarehearingonething.butwriting(creating)another.
––honest|risk
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ifoundflawsandtheywerebeautiful.
––ugly
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taketheart.sliceitfromtheirskin.leavethecolorbehind.
––flowercrownsandbobmarleyt-shirts
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myheartisinmymind.ithinkthisiswhyiamanartist.
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ibleedeverymonth.butdonotdie.howaminotmagic.
––thelie
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iwillcrawlforwhitebeauty.eatmyarms.bartermylegs(makemythighsintoaltarsofgrief).forskinthatdoesnotdrinknight.hairthatisnotangry.bodythatisnotsoil.iplacecursesonmyfleshcallthemdiets.tellmyancestorstheyareugly.howlatmynoseuntilitbleeds.runmyheartacrossmyteeth,repeatedly.iamdying.tobebeautiful.butbeautiful.issomething.iwillneverbe.
––bythetimeweareseven
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whereyouare.isnotwhoyouare.
––circumstances
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iamachildofthreecountries.thewater.theheat.thewords.
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laydown.letmeputyourflowerson.
––fall
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both.iwanttostay.iwanttoleave.iamthreeoceansawayfrommysoul.
––lost
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ilied.itoldyouiwasnotafraidtoloveyou.theniwalkedaway.andlovedyou.
––ihavespentmywholelifealone.lovingyou|whenwechoosefear
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iamyourfriend.asoulforyoursoul.aplaceforyourlife.home.knowthis.sunorwater.hereoraway.wearealighthouse.weleave.andwestay.
––lighthouse
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shewasthecolorofeveninghuskandsalt.iworemyvoicewithhersometimesmyfragranceothers.shewasabeautifulplacetobaremylegs.nightmycountries.andeatthehotwinter.
––thaw
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ifiwritewhatyoumayfeelbutcannotsay.itdoesnotmakemeapoet.itmakesmeabridge.andiamhumbledandiamgratefultoassistyourheartinspeaking.
––grateful
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expectsadnesslikeyouexpectrain.bothcleanseyou.
––natural
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africanamericanwomenareeasy.inferior.africansaredirty.junglepeople.africanamericansarelazy.indolent.africanpeoplearetooblack.ugly.africanamericansthinktheyarebetterthanus.africansthinktheyarebetterus.
––listentothesoundofus|wearebreakingourmothersheart|theancestorsweepathowmuchwelooklikethehatethatcametoeatus
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sitintheocean.itisoneofthebestmedicinesontheplanet.
––thewater
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ifwemustbothberight.wewillloseeachother.
––exile
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hewassobeautifulbecausewhenheheldherhewasnotconcernedwith‘beingaman.’‘beingaman’hadnothingtodowiththis.theseflowerspouringfromhischest.
––weightless
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weareneverourown.wemustchangethisfact.
––acceptance
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iwaketoyoueverywhere.yetyouarenothere.
––reach
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myenglishisbroken.onpurpose.youhavetotryhardertounderstandme.breakingthislanguageyousoloveismypleasure.inyourarroganceyoupresumethatiwantyourskinnylanguage.thatmymouthisbuildingaroomforitinthebackofmythroatitisnot.
––ihavesevendifferentwordsforlove.youhaveonlyone.thatmakesalotofsense.
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idon’tpayattentiontotheworldending.ithasendedformemanytimesandbeganagaininthemorning.
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theideaofasecondheart.
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iwantmore‘men’withflowersfallingfromtheirskin.morewaterintheireyes.moretrembleintheirbodies.morewomenintheirheartsthanontheirhands.moresoftnessintheirheight.morehonestyintheirvoice.morewonder.morehumilityintheirfeet.
––less
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youtellme‘burnyourselfwhite,itwillmakemehappy.’mysadnessissharpeningitselfagainstmyteeth.youarethecolorofsoftcoal.andjustgotbackfromvisitingyourmotherinlastnigeriamonth.yousay‘lookbaby,look,whatibroughtbackforyou.’imoveout..lunchwithyoursisterisslightlytrembling.youwanttotouchheropeningcheekwithyourhurt.shewon’treallylookatyou.itisbetternottotalk.nowordscanputoutthepalefirespreadingacrossherface..youaresorefromallofthewhitewomeninmagazines.coaxingyououtofyourskin.theirfragranceisalloveryourfriendsatschool.youcansmellit.theheatofwhitenessontheirnecks.‘maybe,’asyourhands.brushpainandreliefintoyourface.‘maybe,now’
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yousay,‘theworldwillleavemealone.’
––bleach
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ifyourlightfallsoutofyourmouthpickitup.(andputitback)
––noor
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youwilldrownifyoudonothaveboundaries.theyarenotoptional.thisstructurecountsonyourinabilitytosayno.meanno.theytakenofromourfirstbreath.gobackandreturnittoyourmouth.yourheart.yourlight.
––swim|womenofcolor
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youseeyourface.youseeaflaw.how.ifyouaretheonlyonewhohasthisface.
––thebeautyconstruct
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whitepeoplearenotchinese.becausetheyareborn/liveinchina.whitepeoplearenotindian.becausetheyareborn/liveinindia.whitepeoplearenotafrican.becausetheyareborn/liveonacontinenttheymurderedtheirwayinto.
––thereisnosuchthingasawhiteafrican|colonialbloodmyths|arevisionisthistory
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iamoftenbrokenintolanguage.whetheriwanttospeakornot.
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iamsimplythepoet.thepoemistheonethatcanchangeyourlife.
––medium
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isthereaplaceinthecommunity.forthosewholeave.butneverleave(you).
––ex
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iamtheline.onbothsidestherearesongsinmyname.
––bi
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theraininthisroomislowandthickandundressingmyheartthroughtheair.
––intimacy
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staysoft.itlooksbeautifulonyou.
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icouldjustsimplysayiwantyouandleavemymouthinyourhand.
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welayinourcountry.lovemakesusahomeland.
––bed
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iamabrutallysoftwoman.
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withthewaterbowlbalancingonmythighsisoaktheflowersuntiltheybecomewords.theniwrite.
––theritual
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shewashestheseaonherknees.
––salt
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iamablackwaveinawhitesea.alwaysseenandunseen.
––thedifference
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whatwillyoureyesdowithmewhentheyaredone.willtheylaymeinthetenderfleshbehindthesun.foldmeintoyourmemory’sback.keepmearunningwaterdownyourarms.
––where
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stayisasensitiveword.wewearwhostayedandwholeftinourskinforever.
––sojourn
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whatwehideanddonotsayturnsintoanothermouththatonlyweknow.
––mouths
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asawomaniknowthedifferencebetweenappreciationandteeth.whatreallyhurtsisthatasagirlihadtoknowthesamething.
––survivor
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iamasilkfieldofvulnerability.
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becarefulofallthethingsyouloseinsomeone’smouthwhenyoulovethem.
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ifyoudeservehoneyminewillflowfrommyarmstoyoursnoeffort,noasking.but,ifthereisnoneandyoufeelwindinstead.knowthatmyspiritalreadysensesthatwhenyousmellsweetnessyoubeginharvestingbladesinyourhands.
––kindnessisaformofintelligence
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whatcanidowhenthenightcomesandibreakintostars.
––osmosis
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donotputyourhandinthemouthofloneliness.itsteetharesoftbutitwillscaryouforlife.
––donotbeseducedbythelonelyones
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youtraveltolushlootedcountriespartsofearthlayingontheirsidesbarelybreathinghotwithrust,infection,andtouristanemia.youandyourcameraarrive.starttearingatbodieswithyourlust.it’sharmless.appreciatingculture.sharing.honoringclothing.thewaycertainskinexists.ohyou’vesoldthosephotographstheonesyouweresoexcitedabout.theoneyou‘caught’withchildrenbeingchildren.theonewiththewomanyouthoughtso‘beautiful.’youandyourcameraeatasmuchasonestomachandthreesdcardscanhold.getonaplaneandleavewiththebeliefthatyoureyesareclean.
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honest.artistic.
––photography|thegaze
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thenightwasbusymakingthemoonsoigatheredmyquiltandsoftlytoldmyheartwe’dcomebacktomorrow.
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mywholelifeihaveatemytongue.atemytongue.atemytongue.iamsofullofmytongueyouwouldthinkspeakingiseasy.butitisnot.
––forwewhokeepourlivesinourmouths
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africadoesnotneedyourtears.oryourprayers.oryourmoney.oryourt-shirts.oryourtelethons.oryourhandseversolovinglyplacedonherbuttocks.yourmouthatherbreasts.yourfistsinhereyes.shewantsyoutostoppissinginherfaceandcallingitwater.shewantsyoutoleave.sheisthemother.shedoesnotbelongtoyou.youdonotbelongtoher.andyouhatethis.butonedayyouwillreap.whatyouhavesown.
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––aid
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mengivebirth,too.tochildren.tolongings.todreams.thattheymusthide.theirstomachs.theiruteruses.theirhungers.theirsoftness.theircravingsfortouch.tobeaman.isthethingthatclosestheirlight.andeatstheireyes.
––him
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thereisyouandyou.thisisarelationship.thisisthemostimportantrelationship.
––home
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crywild.youhaveprobablynevercriedwild.but,youknowwhatdoorsfeellike.youhaveanintimacywithdoorsthatiskillingyou.
––break
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decolonizationrequiresacknowledging.thatyourneedsanddesiresshouldnevercomeattheexpenseofanother’slifeenergy.itisbeinghonestthatyouhavebeenspoiledbyamachinethatisnotfeedingyoufreedombutfeedingyouthemilkofpain.
––therelease
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whycanwenevertalkabouttheblood.thebloodofourancestors.thebloodofourhistory.thebloodbetweenourlegs.
––blood
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iwilltellyou,mydaughterofyourworthnotyourbeautyeveryday.(yourbeautyisagiven.everybeingisbornbeautiful)knowingyourworthcansaveyourlife.raisingyouonbeautyaloneyouwillbestarved.youwillberaw.youwillbeweak.aneasystomach.alwaysinneedofsomeonetellingyouhowbeautifulyouare.
––emotionalnutrition
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good.girl.
––rope
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yourheartisthesoftestplaceonearth.takecareofit.
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thediasporaisabsolutelybreathtaking.andthediasporaisinstunningpain.weareagreatmanythings.allatonce.
––myriad|disconnect
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gettingyourselftogether.whataboutundoingyourself.
––thefix
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thickcompassion.asthickasthethroatsofourfatherswhentheyhavealreadyleftbutleavetheirwordsbehind..ourfatherswriteus.alloverus.theirhandwriting.wecannotignore.whethertheyhavespelledoureyes.ourmouths.ortheneedinourbrows.wecannothelpbutbetheirpoem..howcouldtheythinktheyarenotimportant.wearehouseseatenbyriversbecausewedonotknowtheirsmell.whenwearelookingallthewaythroughourselves,wearelookingforthem.howdaretheyremovethemselvesfromoursight.wehavearighttobeabletorecognizeourfatherifheispassingusonthestreet..whatkindofheartbreakishe.whatnightwasitthathedecided.whatdidthemoonlooklike.washehungry.sohungry,thathewouldgivemeup.giveusup.howdotheygiveusupsoeasily.sowillingly.theytakeouttheirvoice.breakusfromit.andeatmistandguiltuntilwearebutdreams.
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unharmsomeonebytellingthetruthyoucouldnotfacewhenyoustruckinsteadoftended.
––putthefireout(unburn)
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thebeautyofmypeopleissothickandintricate.ispenddaystryingtoundomyeyessoicansleep.
––lace
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iftheoceancancalmitselfsocanyou.wearebothsaltwatermixedwithair.
––meditation
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racismisatranslucentskin.itdefendsitselfbyattackingitself.
––reverseracism
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inourownwaysweallbreak.itisokaytoholdyourheartoutsideofyourbodyfordays.months.years.atatime.
––heal
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you.notwantingme.wasthebeginningofmewantingmyself.thankyou.
––thehurt
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eyesthatcommit.thatiswhatIamlookingfor.
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warmphiladelphianight.bluebruiseacrossthesky.groceriesinhand.idreamtlastnightofhoney.mygrandmothercalledmeintoadreamlikesheusedtocallmeintoaroom.shegavemehoney.honeyforyou.you,whowillnottalk.whowillnotswallowthenews.whowillnotletanythingnearyourthroat.but,icanfindyou.icanfindyouevenwhenyouarethere,inmorocco.evenwhenyouhaveflownthroughyoureyesbutnotyourbody.whenyouareholdingme,andiampracticingbeinglimpwithrestraint,becauseiamreallyholdingyou.whenyourefusetochangebackfromwaterandwanttofillourwholehousewiththesebou.iknow,mysweet.wehavespokeofhertheentirelengthofourlove.shewasyoureyesthedayimetyou.remember,youandi.onthefloor,youteachingmeofhowsheeats.threefingersontherighthandonly.ihavewornherclothes.ateherlanguagefromyourmouth.andiknew,iknewwhenthephonecallscame,andthetvstartedshrieking,andourhouseturnedintoweather,iknewthiswouldbreaksomeofourbones.butmylove,itisdrinkingusdowntoourteeth.icannotseeyouanymore.yoursmile.yourlegs.yourheat.islonely.thehoney,grandmothersaid,isforyourblood.itistobringyouback.but,shesaid,imustfirstask,‘if’youwanttocomeback.andthough,‘if’isarazortomyvein,iwillask.so,iamnotasking‘when’youwillcomeback.because,icantakeit,theswimminginyourbody,thelostness,yourgrowingappetitefordoors.iamnotaskingwhen.‘when,’isnotsomethingyouasksomeonewhenthebodiesoftheiraunt.uncle.friends.firstlove.cannotbefound.iamasking‚‘if.’becauseiamhere.danglingfromyourleftringfinger,wringingoceansoutofmyskin,andcominghomeeverynight.iknowyourfamilyistattooanditistheirscreamingvoicesyouhearwhenIsayiloveyou.iknow,sheistheloveyouare,thelandyouaremadeof,andsheishemorrhaging.wariseatingherheart.but,youarelosingyourstoo,mylove.
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––whatthewarhasdonetous
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whitepeopletrytotakeblackness.pouritoutrubitintotheirskinandwearusliketheyknowwhatweabout.buthoneyit’sonlyevergon’beasuntan.youain’tnevagon’beblack.
––tan|stealingfromthesun
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stopspeaking.useyoureyes,instead.
––theeyefire
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beinsecureinpeace.allowyourselflowness.knowthatitisonlyacountryonthewaytowhoyouare.
––traveling
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if.we.arewithchild.andyoubelievethatfatherhoodbeginswhenmybodypoursababyintoyourhands.notbefore.youdonotdeservethischild.youareacoward.
––youareafatherthemomentyouenterme
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donoteverbeafraidtotellmewhoyouare.iamgoingtofindouteventually.
––blunt
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youasktotouchmyhairorworsetouchitwithoutasking.thisisnotinnocence.thisisnotignorance.thisisnotcuriosity.thisistheveryracistandsubhumanbeliefthatyouhavearighttome.
––iwillbreakyourhand.donotevertouchme|everytimeyoutouchmyhairmyancestorsplaceacurseonyou
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yoursoulstainedmyshoulders.mywholelifesmellslikeyou.thiswilltaketime.undoingyoufrommyblood.
––thework
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ouracheforafrica.istheheartbehindourheart.thepainwithnoname.
––amnesia
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iamawomanandapoem.
––visceral
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whenyouallowthatman.towalkthroughyourchildren.planthisfeet.intheirveins.holdtheirvoices.necks.bodies.insidehisviolence.youarenolongeramother.whenyougivehimthekeytothatdoor.becauseyouneedtobelovedbysomeone.youhaveseasonedthemforthewolf.burnedtheirchildhoodintoafantasy.it’sgoingtotakeathirdoftheirlives.allthecourage.fromtheircellstotheirhair.tolearnthealchemeticformulathatturnsthatkindofbetrayal.ademothering.soft.liveable.
––beforeyougetthatkeymade
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theworstthingthateverhappenedtotheworldwasthewhitemancomingacrossgunpowder.
––theendoftheworld|thebeginningofwhitesupremacy
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soonthemoonwillcomefrommylipsandyouwillnotrememberyourname.
––oshún
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thereisaphantomlanguageinmymouth.atonguebeneathmytongue.willieverrememberwhatisoundlike.willievercomehome.
––africanamericani
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ilostawholecontinent.awholecontinentfrommymemory.unlikeallotherhyphenatedamericansmyhyphenismadeofblood.feces.bone.whenafricasayshellomymouthisaheartbreakbecauseihavenothinginmytonguetoanswerher.idonotknowhowtosayhellotomymother.
––africanamericanii
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canyoubeadaughter.ifyouhavenomotherlanguage.
––africanamericaniii
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howbeautifulthatyoucanlaydownamapandwithastraightfingershowmewhoyouare.yousay'showme,showmewhoyouare.'itellmysofttightfinger'donotbeafraid'islowandlightlylayitonafrica(asifidonotbelongtoher)andthenyouaskme‘where.’
––africanamericaniiii
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weareafraid.ashamed.ofafrica.
––thesecretweneversay|africanamericaniiiii
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iliketheheatincertainwords.thewarmtravel.thelowsun.
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youdonothavetobeafireforeverymountainblockingyou.youcouldbeawaterandsoftriveryourwaytofreedomtoo.
––options
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sometimesthenightwakesinthemiddleofmeandicandonothingbutbecomethemoon.
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iwanttoseebrownandblackfolksphotographedbybrownandblackeyes.
––eyes
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tonotbesafeontheearth.simplybecauseofthecolorofyourskin.howdoesabeingsurvivethis.
––trayvonmartin
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ifamancanonlyshowvulnerabilityforwhatisbetweenmylegs.canonlybeaheartduringsex.ifanorgasmistheonlywayhecanweep.whatishislifebutacage.
––prison
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listentomypoems.butdonotlookforme.lookforyou.
––you
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iamnotyours.ididnotmakethelonghardjourneythroughandacrossthespiritworldtobeaman’socean.mybodyisnotyours.mymouthisnotyours.mywaterisnotyours.nothingiambelongstoyou.unlessidecidetoopenmyhandandgiveittoyou.
––birthmarks
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youwillfindyourway.itisinthesameplaceasyourlove.
––seek
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whenyoutellyourself‘youcanhaveyourenergyback.’afteryearsofgivingittowhitepeople.andtheirrequirementsforacceptance.forsupplecolonization.digestingtheirbeliefs.thoughts.opinions.ofyou.whenyouremovethemfromyournucleus.yourbeingisthenallowedtofocusitspoweronturningyourlife.into.yoursoul’swork.youbecomeyours.
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again.
––decolonization|center
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tocallmeblack.isoneofthemostbeautiful.incredible.complimentsyoucouldevergiveme.
––insult
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yourskinsmellslikelight.ithinkyouarethemoon.
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ibrokemyselfdreamingofyoulastnight.thewaterandflowershavebeenworkingonmeallmorning.
––seamstresses
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ifyoushowsomeonethesuninyourbonesandtheyrejectyouyoumustremember.theyhurtthemselvesthisverysameway.
––unable
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‘no’mightmakethemangrybutitwillmakeyoufree.
––ifnoonehasevertoldyou,yourfreedomismoreimportantthantheiranger
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thereisatenderthingiammadeof.ihavealwaysfeltbeforeibreathe.
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andwhatifiwriteofyou.isthatmorelovethanyoucanhandle.
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bealion.iwillstillbewater.
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wherearemylegs.wherearemylegs.ihadtogivethemtomybabiessotheycouldswimbackhometome.backhometome.backhometome.irubbedthesunallintheirhair.everysinglebirth.irubbedsunintheirhair.sotheyrememberwhotheylooklike.whotheylooklike.whotheylooklike.me.toloselovethatway.tohavetowatchthembeopenedlikethat.allthewaydowntotheirmouths.timewillneverknowmyskin.wildwitheverythingandnothingbutthem.isangintotheirblood.eachandeveryoneofthemhavemyvoicesintheirbones.theywillcomehome.iknowtheywillcomehome.thewholeskyhadtoholdmewhentheworldcametoeatmychildren.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.wakeupmyloves.intome.iwillcometoyoueverynight.everysinglenight.becauseyoudonotunderstandyournose.oryourfeet.ortheboatsinyoureyes.youdonotrememberme.andyousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.sweptwithbanzo.sweptwithbanzo.sweptwithbanzo.yousuffer.youhateyourself.youhateme.thisisdeathforamother.howmanydeaths.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.rememberme.rememberme.rememberme.myhandsinyourheart.iwillnotletyougo.iwillfindyou.worldsawayfromme.iamyourbeauty.iamyou.nomatterhowmuchbleachyoumustdrink.everynightiwillcomeintoyouandrepair.relove.undoeverythingthatisnotme.imemorizedyou.iwillwalkoverallwaterstocomeandgetyou.bringyoubacktome.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.they
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donotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknowiputsaltineachoneofyourskin.eachandeveryoneofyourskins.theydonotknowthatsaltpreservesnotonlyfruit.butchildren.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.yousee.mylove.youseehowyourbodyisbeginningtoslowglowwithstars.youareremembering.youaremine.youhaveneverbeenanythingelse.
––africa'slament
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thesearenottears.thisisthesea.
––tides
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nevertrustanyonewhosaystheydonotseecolor.thismeanstothemyouareinvisible.
––is
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wheniamafraidtospeakiswhenispeak.thatiswhenitismostimportant.
––thefreedominfear
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whatineverlearnedfrommymotherwasthatjustbecausesomeonedesiresyou.doesnotmeantheyvalueyou.desireisthekindofthingthateatsyouandleavesyoustarving.
––thecoloroflowselfesteem
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beinginlovewithmypeopledoesnotmeanihateothers.howridiculousisthat.
––self
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iamrelieved.wheniseethefemininepresenceinaman’seyes.itmeansheisapeaceidonothavetobringtohim.
––ease
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apologizetoyourbody.maybethat’swherethehealingbegins.
––starting
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themostgorgeousthingonahumanbeing.vulnerability.
––want
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putsomesaltinthathoney.warmitup.heal.
––stove
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ablackwomancanwriteofloneliness.orloveorsoftness.orthemoon.youmaytryvaliantlytocrippleherbutshewillstillgrowflowersinherflesh.
––agenocideofflowers
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youblushlikeanoceaninlove.wildwithblueness.
––yemanja
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ihavealwaysbeenthewomanofmydreams.
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openyoureyes.evenifthesunwantsthem.
––see
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audrewroteofthe‘secretpoetry.’weallknowthispoetry.liningourarms.rustingourteeth.walkingthroughourhair.feedingourwildstomach.soothingourmouthtears.foldingitselfintowaists.betweenlegs.alwaysclimbingupoursadnessintoourneckstosleep.
––thesecretpoetry|audre
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thereispeaceful.thereiswild.iambothatthesametime.
––sum
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allthatwastakenfrommeisstillhere.
––root|immortal
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thishardvulnerability.
––black
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evenifyouareasmallforestsurvivingoffofmoonalone.yourlightisextraordinary.
––reminder
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awomanisnotagirl.andagirlisnotawoman.
––misogyny|synonyms
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ilostmyhandsinherwaistandthatisthesoftestdetail.
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youaremyfavoritekind.nothingthaticanname.
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somepeoplewhentheyhearyourstory.contract.othersuponhearingyourstory.expand.andthisishowyouknow.
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ifyouaresofterthanbeforetheycame.youhavebeenloved.
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considerthisplace.considerthisplaceassafe.whenyoutakeoffyourthroat.layyourvoiceinthemiddleofthebed.openyourbackuptome.
––slow
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ifsomeonedoesnotwantmeitisnottheendoftheworldbutifidonotwantmetheworldisnothingbutendings.
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somethingassimpleasthesunaskingmeout.
––theperfectdate
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mysilenceiswetandhotanddrinkingmymouthtodeath.
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youarenotamistake.youaretoomanyexquisitedetailstobeamistake.
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1. rubhoneyintothenight’sback.2. makesurethemoonisfed.3. bathetheocean.4. warmsingthetrees.
––tend
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thewarmestlightisyourbody.
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itisbeinghonestaboutmypainthatmakesmeinvincible
––yield
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whensummercomestheairrunshotwithfeverandsodoi.
––alchemy
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youtookoffyourmouthgaveittohimandnowyousecretlyweepfireinthebathroombeforemakinglove.howmuchburningwillbeenough.
––dowry
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yoursoulisinflamed.good.payattention.findwater.comeinside.
––map
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iamadreamstilldreaming.
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idonotexpectmychild’srespect.justbecauseihavegivenbirthtotheirlifedoesnotmeantheyoweme.anything.whatiwantmostistolookintomychild’seyesandseethatihavegivenbirthtoaheart.havehonored.heldandfed.someone’sheart.fromthemomentwefirstmet.
andtheyloveforthis.
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––first
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therehavebeensomanytimesihaveseenamanwantingtoweepbutinsteadbeathisheartuntilitwasunconscious.
––masculine
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youareastory.donotbecomeaword.oneword.becauseyouwanttobeloved.lovedoesnotaskyoutobenothingforsomething.
––name
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istu„„,mbleinthislanguage.ifalldowninthislanguaGE.iamp&a&i&n=inthislang|uage.my(mouth).heart.armsarelosingmuscle+inthislanguage.mybodydoesnot$recognizethetaste$ofthis-language-.ilong_____________________________________________inthisLANGUAGE.iamnot/{myself}inthislanguage."
––e.n.g.l.i.s.h./forallofuswhoareheldcaptive
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healingbeginsthemomentyouwantitto.
––time
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itouchedherinthemiddleofherheart.ineversawheragain.
––scar
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youkeepputtingyourhandsonmymind.itisthesamethingasmybody.
––hands
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leaving.doesn’tmeanthatyou’veleft.
––linger
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mymotherwasmyfirstcountry.thefirstplaceieverlived.
––lands
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eatstars.
––howtohealthenativewounds|firework
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
eatwater.
––howtohealthehotwounds|saltwork
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foryou,iamsweepingwordsagainsteachother.
––quilts
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go.enjoy.leave.itwasallaboutyou,anyway.
––tourist
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idonotwanttobeliked.iwanttobemyself.
––fiction
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yourskinisinfamousformakingmelatetowork.
––youknowiain’tgottimeforthatlaughandthoseeyes.youain’tright.
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iamaquietsinger.
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idonotfeelineedanameoramovementtolegitimizethedefenseofmyself.iamawomanofcolor.myboneshavebeenboughtandsoldeverymorning.so,nowicarryamacheteinmymouth.
––ivory
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ilovedyoubecauseitwaseasierthanlovingmyself.
––runaway
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asachildtherewaseitherbooksorpain.ichosebooks.
––howibecameawriter
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somewordsbuildhousesinyourthroat.andtheylivethere.contentandonfire.
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yousay‘youaresucha‘goodwriter’forawomanofcolor.’
ihear‘youhaveabettercommandoftheenglishlanguagethanido.mybitternessiswildsaltinmybloodcausingmyorganstocrushandweepandthisisthesoundofmypain.’
––translation|whitenoise
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remember.youwereawriterbeforeyoueverputwordtopaper.justbecauseyouwerenotwritingexternally.doesnotmeanyouwerenotwritinginternally.
––stories
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illegitimatechildrenissuchaforeignconcepttome.iwasbornfrommymotherandiamhere.thatisallthelegitimacyineed.
––thebastardconstruct
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knowingyourpoweriswhatcreateshumility.notknowingyourpoweriswhatcreatesinsecurity.
––ego
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ifwewantedto.peopleofcolorcouldburntheworlddown.forwhatwehaveexperienced.areexperiencing.butwedon’t.
––howstunninglybeautifulthatoursacredrespectfortheearthisdeeperthanourrage
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ifihaveneverseenyoucry.ifyoudonotcry.ifyoudonotvalueorrespecttheneedsofyourwater.youandicannotform.ifyoucannotallowyourownbeingtowashoveryou.howwillmineevermakeitpastyourskin.
––available
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beautifulisthehighestcomplimentyoucanpayawoman.iwatchwomendive.totheground.eatit.standup.andsmile.
––shame
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ifyoucannothearthem.asktheancestorstospeaklouder.theyonlywhispersoasnottofrightenyou.theyknowtheyhavebeenconvinced.coerced.spooked.fromyourskin.
––communication
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weatheristheearth’semotions.sheisobviouslyenraged.
––sentient
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therearesomewounds.onlyafricacanheal.
––inus
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alieissimplyalie.itdrawsitsstrengthfrombelief.stopbelievinginwhathurtsyou.
––power
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yourwordswalkdownmyback.thisishowyouleaveme.
––vertebrae
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willyoualwaysbethispaininme.willyoualwayshurt.
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youmustputhealingonthelist.thegrocerylist.thetodolist.thenightlist.becauseyouareteachingyourbabytheverysamechemistrythattookyoureyesandheartwhenyouwerefour.
––thelist
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youareyourownstandardofbeauty.
––mirrorwork
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makesuretheyhavefalleninlovewithyourspirit.first.yourbody.second.
––thefragranceofyourlaughter
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iamoftenbrokenintolanguage.whetheriwanttospeakornot.
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ifellapartmanytimes.so.whatdoesthatsayaboutmebesidesilivethroughwars.
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myancestorsmadesureiwasbornthecoloroftheireyes.
––sight
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haveyoueverheardablackwomanweepoverherskinmurderedchild.itisthesplittingofatoms.itisbillionsofvoicesscreamingtheirchildren’snamesthroughherdeathwail.
––trayvonmartinii
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doyouthinkcallingme‘angry’isaninsult.everytimeyoucallme‘angry’ihearyourvoicesaltwithguiltandilaugh.lookhoweasyitistorevealyou.
––angerisahealthyandnaturalresponsetooppression
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it’snotaboutmakingyouuncomfortable.it’saboutmakingmecomfortable.
––reparations
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ithinkoneofthemostpathologicalthingsihaveeverseenisstabbingsomeoneandthentellingthemthattheirpainandangeroverbeingstabbedismakingyousad.
––whiteguilt
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youcannotremainawarbetweenwhatyouwanttosay(whoyoureallyare)andwhatyoushouldsay(whoyoupretendtobe)youmouthwasnotdesignedtoeatitself.
––split
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chemistryisyoutouchingmyarmanditsettingfiretomymind.
––flood
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youaskyourheartwhyitisalwayshurting.itsays‘thisistheonlythingyouwillallowmetosaytoyou.theonlyfeelingyouarewillingtofeel.’
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weep.intoyourshirt.you’reallowed.
––clouds
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hesaid‘myabsenceisstrongandwarm.itwillholdyou.itwillteachyouhowtomiss.howtobewithout.andhowtosurviveanyway.’
––howmyfatherraisedme
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thestarswillbeginfallingfromyourmouththemoment.youforgiveyourself.forthesilenceyoudidnotcreate.
––fault
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‘ilovemyself.’thequietest.simplest.mostpowerful.revolution.ever.
––ism
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iwantyoutodrinktheseainsideofme.
––summerjuice
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idroppedmyprideinthegulfofyourmouth.andidonotknowhowtoswim.
––island
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ilookforyouinthemiddleofthelight.inthewestoftheday.inthewarmmemoryofthewater.
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sheispoemcountry.everywherealanguage.
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writing.isthewayyourbeingspeakstoyou.
––conversations
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youarediggingintomyheartwithbothofyourhands.who.what.areyoulookingfor.iamrighthere.
––trust
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iwakeupinapoem.
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iknew.read.soniasanchez.nikkigiovanni.audrelorde.beforeieverevenheardthenamecharlesbukowski.finally,apropereducation.
––theorder
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hireher.foryourchildren.foryourkitchen.foryourclothes.foryourhouse.giveheraroomwithanunmadetwinbedandadresser.analarmclock.setherhourspastherownchildren’sbedtime.shortenhername.changehername.talkthroughher.callherapartofthefamily.withouteveraskingifshewantsyouthisclosetoherskin.justdonotbesurprisedthedayyouaccidentlylookinhereyesandherspiritpullsyourheartoutthroughyourmouth.
––themaid
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whoyouare.isnotwhatyouaredoing.whatyouaredoingisbeingsomeoneelse.
––architecture
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herlove.wastheonlymedicine.theonly.medicine.thateverworked.andthisiswhy.sheleft.shewantedyourstowork.too.
––healer
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thethingyouaremostafraidtowrite.
writethat.
––advicetoyoungwriters
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wheniamlosttouchthebackofmywaterandiwillreturn.
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thewoundshavechangedme.iamsosoftwithscarsmyskinbreathesandbeatsstars.
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ihavelostmillionsandmillionsofwordstofear.tellmethatisnotviolence.
––thedeaths
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ifsheiswarmletmeknowherinthemorning.
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wewritefromthebody.itrememberseverything.
––boneandsoil
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yourhandspouringskyallovermybedwhatlanguageisthat.
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yourmothermayneverreturnfromwar.butyouwillstillseehereveryday.
––two
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fallapart.pleasejust,fallapart.openyourmouth.andhurt.hurtthesizeofeverythingitis.
––dam
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shewasflowersaltinmyheart,andshehurtbeautifully.
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formethereisnoother.becausethereisnodefault.everyoneisavariationoflife.
––thehumanbeing|thehumangender|thehumansex
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itwasiwhoheldyouwhenyouwantedsomeoneelse.
––treason
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isawlovethereijustdidnotpickitup.
––mistake
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expressyoursadness.insideithasonlyoneplacetogo.
––tissue
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youaretrailinglongdustacrossourheart.thereisaneasierwaytoleave.
––over
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you.theweight.rosecinnamon.darkhoney.theclothesyouwearonyourmouth.thewarmsmokeinyourlegs.aquietquilt.amasonjar(formoon).aneasylaughbrushedwithoil.time.thelightleftover.somemusicinyourhair.you.
––thingsyoubringtotheoceanatnight
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whyisthemoonfull.isitcarryingthewholeworldtoo.
––daughter
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youareaseaoflight.openyoureyes.seeyourself.
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iamterrifiedthenirememberiamgivingbirthtoacontinent.irememberthatiamgivingbirthtoacontinentoverandover.
––theprocess|writingabook|theancestorsweremymidwives|ashé.