HOW TO REVISE YOUR PERSONAL STATEMENT

Dr. Elena GonzálezFebruary 24, 2015

CADI Room 308

Objectives

• Define Revision

• Discuss and use an essay assessment sheet • Work on the macro level of an essay

Define Revision

Definition of Revision

• George Miller (2015) Prentice Hall Reader• Revision means “to see again” in such a way

that you rethink it from beginning to end.

• Macro level – subject, thesis, purpose, structure, audience

• Micro level – “proofreading” (style, grammar mechanics)

Macro Level of Revision

Macro Level of Revision

• Subject

• Purpose

• Structure

• Audience

Macro Level of Revision

Subject – Me, Myself, and I

Defining who you are in the intro (greatest marketable strength)Providing supporting evidence in the body– Audience (addressing the expectations of the

institutions)

Macro Level in Revision

Purpose

• Convince the reader (argumentative essay)– Sell yourself effectively– Get accepted as an intern or graduate student

• Provide evidences of character, career plan, research, skills

Macro Level of Revision

• Structure– Essay body• Supporting evidence in essay body (career plan,

research, skills,)• Conclusions (summary sentence, why you chose this

institution)

– Devices• Coherence (how you connect the ideas in an essay)• Cohesion (providing a sense of unity between parts)

Macro Level of Revision

Audience

• Direct the essay to a specific institution• Be familiar with that institution

Assessment Criteria for a Personal Statement

Assessment Criteria

• Discuss the assessment sheet for personal statements handout #1

Practice Assessing

• Another student’s essay• Handout #2• Handout #3

Conclusion

• A good assessment instrument that provides solid feedback will improve the quality of your personal statement

Assignment

• Incorporate changes into your personal statement after you receive input from 2 other readers.

• Email the final essay to me in 2 weeks.