- 3 -

To All

who love me

and

who hate me

that you

make me strong

CamusSeptember 2012

- 5 -

Before thestory � � � � � � � � � � � � 6

Calling ofDeath � � � � � � � � � � � � 8

Coming Backin Tears � � � � � � � � � � � � 19

Leaving withSmile � � � � � � � � � � � � 35

Time to Live � � � � � � � � � � � � 45

Time to Die � � � � � � � � � � � �

Alive � � � � � � � � � � � �

Joy � � � � � � � � � � � �

B e f o r eB e f o r eB e f o r eB e f o r e t h et h et h et h e S t o r yS t o r yS t o r yS t o r y

"Present" - one day, a child asked meabout the word, so we checked that from adictionary and found some differentmeanings:

1) now;

2) being here;

3) the matter in hand.

It is very interesting, I think, if Iwrite a story named "Present". Then I hadan idea to write a story about death.

Death was one of my fear. It always

comes suddenly as many people I known

passed away without any respond; their life

ended accidently.

Because of the ignorance about death, Iam afraid of it so much. It seems a monsterwho comes without notice, and divests allyou possessions, including the mostvaluable life.

I tried to think this issue thoughwriting.

Last summer, I told one of my bestfriends about the idea of the story. Her

- 7 -

encouragement pushed me to write down thisstory smoothly. Until the last part of thestory, I stopped to plan about the ending.

I put down my pen to stop the writing,and listened to my heart honestly whichhelped me to transform the fear of deathinto the blooming of life.

In these days, thought many ways, Ipuzzled the fragments in my heart, and sawa beautiful picture. After that, I startedto complete the end of the story. I re-constructed myself who had been suffered inpain for a year, then I started theproofreading of "Present". At the same time,I have started the sequel "The Live House".

The sense of words is my talent; usingof my talent is the best answer to thankGod granted me the graceful gift. If thereis God, I would like to be his servant,just like Mother Teresa who would like tobe a pencil of the Lord.

Camus

13 August 2012

C a l l i n gC a l l i n gC a l l i n gC a l l i n g o fo fo fo f D e a t hD e a t hD e a t hD e a t h

One year summer.

Okin rode on his favourite bike fast ona highway. His bike was decorated by redbright plastic cover with eye-catchingflame pattern. Enjoying the strong beats ofmusic, he was flying in the wind.

It was his time to be free. It was histime to die.

- 9 -

As he was rushing down the ramp, aman suddenly appeared in the center ofthe road. Okin twisted the handlebarsinstinctively to dodge, and went acrossthe opposite traffic lanes. A cominglorry tried to stop but failed. Thebike crashed into the lorry and drawninto it underneath.

Being bitterly disappointed, allwitnessed the accident could not help.

Everything turned darkness while Okindid not know what trouble was happened. Helost his weight and floated in the air. Hedid not have any idea.

"Is this the feeling of death?" Hethought, "It's so simple."

Suddenly he saw a man, or it may saidthat the man appeared on his mind. It wasthe mysterious man stood in the center ofthe road. Okin sensed he was not a human.

"Are you Death?" Okin asked.

The man did not answer, but shook hishead. He beckoned Okin to follow.

Okin considered nothing but fellow him.His body became firm and his legs landedand could run on the ground as usual.

In a strange space, he did not know howfar he had gone behind the man.

Tha man suddenly stopped, and turned toOkin, "You're the one I'm looking for."

Okin wondered, "Am I dead?"

"Not yet," the man said, "one secondleft."

"One second? What's that mean?"

- 11 -

"Because I don't want you to die now,"the man said, " I am the Soul Guide thatpeople call me Death."

"Since I meet Death, my number is up."Okin snorted.

"You aren't afraid of death, are you?"said the Soul Guide.

"Living is waiting for dying, isn't it?"Okin said nonchalantly. "People aredestined to die when they are born, so Idon't have any expectation on my life."

"Really?" The Soul Guide questionedclosely.

Okin did not answer.

"Well..." The Soul Guide smiled gentlyand showed something on his right hand. Hetold Okin, "this is the last second of yourlife. If you really want to die, you takeit away yourself."

TimeTimeTimeTime isisisis invisible.invisible.invisible.invisible.

InInInIn thethethethe SoulSoulSoulSoul Guide'sGuide'sGuide'sGuide's hand,hand,hand,hand,

however,however,however,however,

thethethethe lastlastlastlast secondsecondsecondsecond waswaswaswas packedpackedpackedpacked asasasas

aaaa beautifulbeautifulbeautifulbeautiful fruityfruityfruityfruity candy:candy:candy:candy:

justjustjustjust putputputput itititit intointointointo thethethethe mouth,mouth,mouth,mouth,

meltsmeltsmeltsmelts it,it,it,it,

andandandand thethethethe secondsecondsecondsecond isisisis gone.gone.gone.gone.

- 13 -

Okin did not need to think. He took thecandy which is his last second of his life,intented on opening the package.

"Hold on!" The Soul Guide advised, "doyou really desire to die?"

Okin gave a bitter smile. He said,"Life is a tragedy. I have no more thoughtif I could leave peacefully."

"I think you at least go and seesomething first, then come back to haveyour final decision," the Soul Guide said.

"Where? Hell?" Okin said, "People, justlike me, must not reach the Heaven. I know,I should go to the Hell; Perhaps, I canhave a better life there."

"Young man, you're too naive. Stayingin Hell is not easy. No one wants to gothere. The bitter of the Hell, no one canbear."

"Even worse than surviving?" Okin saidsniffily. "Social snobbery, inconstancy ofhuman relationships, imposing upon the kindand fear the severe, cheating or outwitingeach other... can be found in the Hell?"

"You lived painfully, it seems. Death,maybe is a relief for you..." The SoulGuide was saying and showing him adirection. A looming beams from hisfingertips extended to the distance.

"The light will show you the way. Comeback and decide whether you retain thesecond."

"When I reached Hell, I won't comeback!" Okin said.

The Soul Guide disappeared and Okin setoff his imaginative destination honestly.

The candy was still on his hand, not inhis mouth yet.

The Hell was an empty place. There wasno Hades, no Devil, but full of loneliness,helplessness and emptiness. The atomspherewas suffocating that no one wanted to staylong.

"So... this is Hell?' Okin thought. Helooked around, but there was nothing.

"So how terrible is it? There is simplynothing, and I can live here quietlyforever and ever..."

He kept on walking around until he saw aperson.

That was a woman who was wandering. Shehovered alone, and murmured, "Okin, how areyou? How is your life?"

"Mama? Mama... Mama!"

"Which grade do you study now? How'syour school result? What's your bestsubject? Are you still outgoing?"

- 15 -

Okin could see his mother who had diedfor years, but his mother not.

"Mama, mama, I'm here!"

Like thousands of miles away, his mothercould not hear, no matter how Okin shouted.

"Mama, I am here... From now on, no onecan separate us."

Okin rushed to her and wanted to holdher tight. However he went through her bodyand fell to the ground. Looking back to hismother, watching her helplessness, Okinfell in a deep deep sadness.

At that time, Sanskrit was blowing asthe gentle spring breeze that dried histears.

He did not know Sanskrit but sensed thatit was hastening him to leave. It was not aplace for living being. Okin could not stayas he wanted to know how to save his motherfrom the Hell.

Following the Sanskrit, he went back andthe Soul Guide was at the front.

"That is the Hell," the Soul Guide said,"In the desperation, the souls neither cansave themselves nor want salvation."

SoSoSoSo close,close,close,close,

yetyetyetyet sosososo farfarfarfar awayawayawayaway

---- OkinOkinOkinOkin understood.understood.understood.understood.

ThisThisThisThis waswaswaswas thethethethe painpainpainpain ofofofof Hell.Hell.Hell.Hell.

- 17 -

Okin's mother there was bearing thesorrow because of apart from her and onlychild, missing him every time. The tortureshe suffered was more cruel than her pain.

"My mama didn't do any bad thing, butwhy does she suffer in this ruthlesstreatment?"

"This is her choice," the Soul Guidesaid, "Just like you, why do you choose todown to Hell, but give up the chance tolive?"

"I..." Okin had no words but tried toplead,"if my mama were still alive, I wouldkeep on living."

"Death is the end. It is useless if yougo on like this," the Soul Guide said,"Because of you, your mother cannot rest inpeace. You should do something to let hergo."

"This is why you want me stay?" Okinasked.

The Soul Guide sighed and asked, "Okin,you still want to die?"

"I should save my mama first," he said,"I could not let her suffer in a great dealfor me in the Hell forever."

"Good. As long as you are willing to bea Soul Guide, your mother could be saved."

"Why?" Okin wondered.

"Only those who understand life can savelives."

- 19 -

C o m i n gC o m i n gC o m i n gC o m i n g b a c kb a c kb a c kb a c k i ni ni ni n t e a r st e a r st e a r st e a r s

Callow Okin, he was just fifteen years

old.

His parents died when Okin was young.

He lived in a orphanage, but no one liked

him because of his naughty. He however love

this - more be isolated, more be forgotten,

more ease. Although he was young, he had

already accepted his fate without any hope

of survival. Being alive one day for one

day, Okin just watched how God plays tricks

to torment him.

IfIfIfIf hehehehe didn'tdidn'tdidn'tdidn't re-encounterre-encounterre-encounterre-encounter hishishishismother,mother,mother,mother, OkinOkinOkinOkin diddiddiddid notnotnotnot agreeagreeagreeagree withwithwithwith thethethetheSoulSoulSoulSoul Guide.Guide.Guide.Guide. InInInIn fact,fact,fact,fact, hehehehe diddiddiddid notnotnotnotunderstandunderstandunderstandunderstand whatwhatwhatwhat isisisis thethethethe relationshiprelationshiprelationshiprelationshipbetweenbetweenbetweenbetween beingbeingbeingbeing aaaa SoulSoulSoulSoul GuideGuideGuideGuide andandandand savingsavingsavingsavinghishishishis mother.mother.mother.mother. ButButButBut hehehehe believedbelievedbelievedbelieved thethethethe SoulSoulSoulSoulGuideGuideGuideGuide shouldshouldshouldshould notnotnotnot deceivedeceivedeceivedeceive himhimhimhim ---- hehehehe hadhadhadhadnothinnothinnothinnothingggg totototo bebebebe deceived,deceived,deceived,deceived, anyway.anyway.anyway.anyway.

- 21 -

The most Okin worried, at the moment,was the opportunity to die. He might nothave another chance that would make himregret.

"Excuse me... What should I call you?"Okin asked the Soul Guide.

"You follow me as my apprentice, so youshould call me master."

"Yes... master."

"Okin, you should remember, here thespace we existing isn't bounded by time,"Master said. "We are always in the momentbetween the last and the last two secondbefore death that only for the SoulGuides."

"Only eating the candy, I can leavehere."

"Yes," Master said. "You still have theidea to die?"

Okin did not answer, but from his eyes,Master knew him everything Okin's answer: Icannot wait to die, but I know my mother inthe Hell...

"It's yours. Everything is up to you,"Master said coolly.

"Now, I only want to know how to save mymama." Okin desired the answer, on theother hand, he realized that Master nevertold him.

Back to the human world, Master went toa hospital with Okin.

Hospital, where is -

the intersection of birth and death,

the entanglement of happiness andsadness,

the gate of Hell and the Heaven.

Okin knew, someone would die, then theyshould pick his soul to go.

When a soul left the body, the personlost his awareness and the life would begone. All about this person would bestopped at that moment. Time passed away,and the body faded. It became a pile ofbones, turned into stones, returned to thenatural.

In a private ward at the top floor ofthe hospital, a ninty-year-old man laid inbed. His eyes were closed and breathing wasweak. His family who were praying aroundhis bed accompanied the old man quietly toexperience his final breathing. He wasgetting a very deep sleep, then themovement of his chest was gradually still.

His time is over here, not as early astoo late, when Master and Okin arrived.

The soul of the old man drifted out ofhis sick body and fell before Master. He

- 23 -

was light in the air. He looked sick andthin but flexible on moving.

"It's time to go," Master said to him.

The old man looked back to his family.He was sad and reluctant to leave. None ofhis family did not burst into tears. Eveneveryone knew the old man was walking onhis final stage but hard to control theemotions at time of farewell.

A young man in the family was holdingthe old man's hand and sobbed, "grandpa,don't worry about us, although you can'tsee my son to born." He touched a scar atthe side of his grandpa's eye and said,"This is what I hurt you when I was young.I was a naughty boy but you didn't blame me.You taught me everything patiently.

Grandpa, I will tell my son - you are akind elderly. The way you love me, the wayI love my son."

Everybody were touched. Okin lamentedfrom the death broken down the relationshipof the family.

"Could I stay for a moment?" The oldman asked, choking back his tears.

"No," Master answered, "You don't relateto here any more. You should leave now."

"May I have an accommodation?" The oldman asked again.

"NO," Master answered, "Don't expectanything, and go."

The old man was not willing to go butleft the ward finally. Okin did not sayanything, and walked behind Master closely.They moved out of the ward, out of thehospital, out of the living world, andarrived a strange space.

Master was unfriendly, so the old manasked Okin, "Where is here? Where will youlet me go?"

Okin recognize here where is hopelessand empty.

"Hell."

The old man stared and shouted, "What...What's going on? Go to Hell?"

He was frightened. He caught Okin andshook him. Okin could not response butscreamed, then Master put his hand up toseparate them at once. Master protectedOkin and reprimanded the old man, "this isyour choice."

Master left the old man in Hell, andbrought Okin to leave.

"It's terrible," Okin said.

"No soul can challenge Soul Guide,"Master said, "As we're sure where theyshould go, we can lead them go theresmoothly."

- 25 -

"See," Okin asked, "Was he bad? Why is

he sent to Hell?"

"No, he didn't. He loves his family and

he is a good man," Master answered, "Hell

is not a place for bad, but for the one who

doesn't understand life."

Okin didn't understand.

He turned around to look back. The old

man was crying loudly and shouting out his

grievances.

"I"I"I"I cancancancan givegivegivegive upupupup aaaa chancechancechancechance totototo Heaven,Heaven,Heaven,Heaven,

butbutbutbut whywhywhywhy downdowndowndown totototo Hell?"Hell?"Hell?"Hell?"

- 27 -

He cried, kneeled, saluted to theemptiness. Okin could not bear to see himlike this, so he left Master and went backto Hell.

"Stop it! You just hurt yourself moreseriously!" Okin urged.

"Young man, my dearest Death, I can'tbelieve it! I can't accept it!" The oldman cried.

"People should die some day. You hadlived for a long time, and had a very goodfamily. Your life was over, please let allpass away."

"No! I could not reconcile myself whileI had left too early. At least, let me seemy new born great-grandson," the old mansaid, "my dearest Death, the father of thisgreat-grandson is my grandson I love most.I had planned to welcome my great-grandson,live with him... I know, I am too old,but... At least, let us have a photo... Atleast, let us see each other once... then,I would not have any complain."

"just see once?"

"Just once."

"Once?"

"Once."

Okin was hesitating while the old manwas awaiting. At that time, Okin's mother

paced up and down unconsciously. She passedthrough the old man and Okin. She mutteredher child's name, walked far far away...

"My dearest Death? My dearest Death?"

The hopeless old man hastened Okin toagree his request. Okin gazed at his motheruntil she disappeared, then he asked theold man, "Can't you see her?"

"Who is it?" The old man had not seenhis mother.

"She is a mother who is missing her onlychild here," Okin answered sadly, "youshould understand her feeling."

"Sure!" The old man said anxiously, "Ican't be here! I can't be here! My familyis still alive, so I should be there! Ishould be there!"

"Men... should die someday. Many peoplelove their families, not just you," Okinsaid, "That mother has missed her childhere for a long time. Her pain isn't lessthan yours."

"Young man, pain shouldn't be measured.My pain, you shouldn't feel."

Okin made a wry smile, and said, "yes...your pain, I shouldn't feel." Then, he left.

- 29 -

Just like Master, Okin left the old man.

He did not return his head again, as the

old man chased him and shouted, "my dearest

Death, my dearest Death, it's my fault! I

should not make you angry! Please take me

away here. I am a good man, so it isn't my

place!"

The old man tried to catch up but failed

whatever he had run as fast as he could.

Okin was so sad. He would like to save

his mother, but had no idea about it; so as

to the old man.

MasterMasterMasterMaster wouldwouldwouldwould blameblameblameblame him,him,him,him, OkinOkinOkinOkin thought,thought,thought,thought,

however,however,however,however, MasterMasterMasterMaster gavegavegavegave himhimhimhim aaaa patpatpatpat forforforfor aaaa

consolation.consolation.consolation.consolation.

MasterMasterMasterMaster stoodstoodstoodstood atatatat thethethethe frontfrontfrontfront andandandand staredstaredstaredstared atatatat Okin.Okin.Okin.Okin.

HisHisHisHis eyeseyeseyeseyes werewerewerewere asasasas peacefulpeacefulpeacefulpeaceful asasasas aaaa lakelakelakelake ofofofof clearclearclearclear

quietquietquietquiet water.water.water.water.

- 31 -

"Master, I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I shouldn't go back. I made the oldman more confused."

"It's not your fault," Master said, "Heis what he is."

"Is he trapped in Hell forever, justlike my mama?"

"I don't know. But I wish he awakessomeday, just like your wish."

In the old man's eyes, Okin became faraway and disappeared. He was disappointed,fell down and cried in the hopelessness forhis useless.

"I shouldn't make him angry... No... Heis my only wish..."

His tears dropped and evaporated at once.Everything was gone, as his life.

Because here was the Hell.

The old man thought crying would makehim tired, then he could lay down and losehis conscious for a short period of peace.However, it did not work. Whatever he cried,he did not feel any tired, but his pain

became hard to bear that was more seriousthan what he was suffering in seriousillnesses.

The taste of death in the Hell was crazyfor ice-cream in the snow to fill up theempty belly, with the icy body and thefrozen heart but the clear mind.

"Okin... Okin..." Okin's mother cameslowly. She passed the old man and saw him.She kneelt down and watched the painful oldman quietly. He looked up and watched her."Have you seen Okin?" Okin's mother asked

Hard to find a companion here, the oldman stopped his crying, and answered, "Ididn't know him."

"You don't know him? What's a pity!"She stood up and muttered, "Okin, how'syour friends? Do they take care of you?"

"Is he still alive?" The old man asked.

"Sure. He must be alive healthy."

"How do you know? You simply can't seehim."

"I know... Because I believe..." Shestopped for a while, and said, "I alwaysbless my child."

"You're not God! How to bless yourchild? Here's the Hell! No God in the Hell,but Death!" The old man roared, "I am here

because of Death!"

"You're voluntary, aren't you?" Okin'smother asked him doubtfully, "Don't blessyour children here, just like me?"

- 33 -

When she was looking up, the upper andthe lower turned into dark. Twinkle starswhich seemed touchable were shinning as thediamonds in the darkness.

"Wonderful!" The old man clammed downwith the beautiful starry sky, and asked,"are you... are you Bodhisattva?"

"The countless stars, can you know thenumber of them?" Okin's mother asked.

"How can I count so many stars?"

The stars twinkled and faded graduallyand only one star remained in the wholeuniverse finally.

"In your heart, some many things arethere as the countless stars in theuniverse; in my heart, just only one,"Okin's mother said and held the only staras her baby, "this is my care, and also myHell."

"Bodhisattva, this is the reason youstay here?"

"You can stay and guard here. He cries,then you are drown by flood; he gets angry,then you are burnt by fire; he hurts, thenyou are injured by thousands of swords..."

"How about the time he is happy?"

"You can feel the silvery light of cold,the endless loneliness, because he won'tknow, you are guarding him alone."

She put the star back. The little stardisappeared gradually, then the starry skycame back. She asked the old man, "are youwilling to stay for them?"

The old man watched around the starswhich were touchable but cold as frost,diffusing the cold without beginning orending. He said to himself, "sons and theirsons, generations and generations, justlike the countless stars, seems can be heldin my hands, but stay away from myreality..."

He understood the boundless starry nightwas his care, and also the Hell he made forhimself.

- 35 -

L e a v i n gL e a v i n gL e a v i n gL e a v i n g w i t hw i t hw i t hw i t h S m i l eS m i l eS m i l eS m i l e

Okin was uneasy since he was stillthinking of the old man.

He fellow Master to reach anotherhospital. It was mid-night.

It was a no moon clear night as thetwinkle stars were smiling to the earthsilently.

"You're still worry about the old man?"Master asked.

"Yup," Okin nodded and asked, "Do wereally have nothing can do for him?"

"We'd tried our best," Master said,"Okin, you should understand, we're onlythe Soul Guide, but not God."

"Is there God turly?"

"No," Master answered, "this is onlythe human thought to comfort themselves."

"Master, as you always face death, doyou feel tired?"

Master did not answered. He leaded Okinto arrive at the nursery. A nurse pulled abed with a sleeping baby and, the newfather fellow her with a few family membersin white dressing. They were full of joyand sorrow. Okin recognized the father whois the crying grandson of the old man.

- 37 -

His son was born after the day hisgrandpa passed away.

"The grandpa can't see his great-grandson finally," Okin sad to said. Hewas watching the lovely baby who had ascar-liked birthmark found clearly at aside of his eye.

"Oh... Master! This baby... thebaby..."

"The grandpa should get rid of theshackle of the Hell," Master said withsmiling, "in fact, he should have anothernew life - to be his great-grandson."

"That's why you took him awayinsistently," Okin realized sunddenly, andsaid, "you know his stubborn let him downto Hell. If he could realize his stubborn,he could return to life again!"

"All the beings can't get rid oftransmigration. The elderly did good in hispast life, because he thought he would haveresponds for all he did. He expected hisreturn, so he went to the Hell."

"You knew about this already?"

Master shook his head and said, "No oneknows, also he. His experiences, which werefull of luck, were built up by himpainstakingly. However, he still continueshis journey in the cycle of life."

"I don't understand what you mean,"Okin said, "Being a human, is better than

the life of Hell." He thought of his motheragain.

"There're six dimensions in thetransmigration. No one is better or worsein it. All the flowing into thetransmigration are only journeies," Mastersaid, "When we realize the truth of life,we can get rid of the transmigration, andenter the eternal realm."

"The eternal realm? Become God?" Okinasked.

"God is the name which is created byhuman. It's not real. One of thedimensions of the transmigration is calledHeaven. People living there enjoy theirpeaceful lives in very long periods of time.Time to live, time to die, it is the law

of transmigration," Master explained, "theeternal realm isn't Heaven. In fact, it isthe place where we aren't easy to reach."

"Had you gone there?"

"No. I can't," Master said with smile,"Okin, I'm the Soul Guide, just like you,and live in the gap of life to lead thedeath soul going to the right direction."

Both of them left the nursery andreached a maternity ward. This was theplace receiving new lives, the Soul Guideshould not be here.

- 39 -

However, Master entered the ward and

walked towards a pregnant woman who was

giving birth for her baby. The baby should

be in light pink but it was in dark purple

without breath, in fact.

Whatever the doctor saved the life, the

baby could not survive finally.

HisHisHisHis pa r e n t sp a r e n t sp a r e n t sp a r e n t s we r ewe r ewe r ewe r e ho l d i ngho l d i ngho l d i ngho l d i ng t h et h et h et h e

l i t t l el i t t l el i t t l el i t t l e c o l dco l dco l dco l d body .b o dy .b o dy .b o dy .

The i rThe i rThe i rThe i r h e a r th e a r th e a r th e a r t we r ewe r ewe r ewe r e f r o z e n .f r o z e n .f r o z e n .f r o z e n .

On l yOn lyOn lyOn ly c r y i ng ,c r y i ng ,c r y i ng ,c r y i ng ,

t h e yt h e yt h e yt h e y d i dd i dd i dd i d no tn o tn o tn o t wha twha twha twha t t h e yt h e yt h e yt h e y sh o u l dsh o u l dsh o u l dsh o u l d do .d o .d o .d o .

- 41 -

The little soul did not open his eyes tosee his parents' faces, but laid into thehug of Master peacefully.

Okin was dull and stayed behind Master.He clenched his teeth, tears flowing outlike a spring. He could not stay, then ranout the ward, out of the hospital, until heran into a garden, crying underneath thestarry night.

"So... so cruel!" Okin was in anger. Hedid not understand the reason why the babydied when he was just born in this world.

Master was holding the baby to come. Hedid not disturb Okin, sitting down on thenearby bench. The baby who was likesleeping did not know what was happening.

"Master... this is the meaning of life?"Okin claimed down, returned to Master andasked.

"Do you think it is meaningless?"

"Born, then die. Is it anything morepointless than the life like this?" Okintouched the fruity candy in his pocket andsaid, "They have a chance to be a family,but why separate them? Why? and Why?"

Master understood his feeling. Itrecalled his memories, that he could notstay with his parents, no chance to tastethe sweet of family. This was why he lostthe ambition to live.

Where was his joy? Who took his joyaway?

He asked himself. He did not doanything to hurt anyone.

For Okin, living in pain is a kind ofpunishment.

He touched his candy inside the pocket,remembered what he thought about deathwhich was a kind of relief. When he had methis mother in Hell, however, he understoodit was an exit but an endless impasse.

"Master, where should I go?" Okin asked,"I don't want to live or die, but I can't

get rid of transmigration."

Master did not answered him. He onlyconcentrated on the baby in his hug. Hiseyes were so soft, just like looking at hisown child. His sight did not want to leavehim for a second.

Okin found it strange. He thought, "DidMaster have a sad past?" He did want toknow and not dare to ask. He knew Masterwould not blame him even if he really askedwhat Master did not want to answer. Heunderstood, it was digging the wound fromMaster's heart if he really asked.

- 43 -

SomeSomeSomeSome experiences,experiences,experiences,experiences,

somesomesomesome hardhardhardhard feelings,feelings,feelings,feelings,

couldcouldcouldcould notnotnotnot heal,heal,heal,heal,

butbutbutbut bebebebe pretendpretendpretendpretend totototo ignoreignoreignoreignore them,them,them,them,

useuseuseuse totototo thethethethe pain,pain,pain,pain,

notnotnotnot totototo deterioratedeterioratedeterioratedeteriorate orororor

eveneveneveneven touch,touch,touch,touch,

thenthenthenthen allallallall werewerewerewere notnotnotnot kindskindskindskinds ofofofof things.things.things.things.

Okin believed it.

Meteors rained through the silent sky.A path was paved by their light, from thesky to the front of Master. The baby in hisbug awoke, stretched his body and looked uphis Soul Guide who was holding him. Masterknew it was the time, so he released hishands.

The baby floated in the air as if helost all his weight. A pair of snowy whitewings were grown from his back, just likean angel, opened and flied to the path. Helooked back to Master in the air, with hissweet smile which was for thank and alsofor farewell. Then the baby and the pathdisappeared at the starry night.

Okin knew, the baby arrived at the placewhich was called "eternal realm".

"Life is natural. Only a littlestubborn, can be the resistance to enterthe eternal realm," Master watched the skyand said, "Okin, the elderly who went toHell, then came back to be a human. Thisbaby is the same. He came to be a human,then entered the eternal realm. If you canunderstand this, you will not feel sadagain."

Okin looked up the sky which was full ofstars. All stars were smiling to him.

His heart was so warm because of joy.

- 45 -

T i m eT i m eT i m eT i m e t ot ot ot o L i v eL i v eL i v eL i v e

Okin fellow Master to learn how to be aSoul Guide. Come and go between birth anddeath, Okin sometimes went to Hell to visithis untouchable mother.

This was his present.

This was the life what he did not want,but had no idea to escape. Okin often tookout his fruity candy and looked at it, thenput it back to the pocket. He still had nocourage to eat it.

He was not as chic as before. Lookingat the candy, he missed her mother so much.

Master told Okin much about life anddeath, which was the thing he used to.

Facing the calm and apathy Master, Okinsuspected that he had been already numbedwith life and death. However, Okin stillcould feel his tender. Master always taughtpatiently while Okin was experiencing thelong absence of love.

InInInIn thethethethe worldworldworldworld ofofofof human,human,human,human, OkinOkinOkinOkin onlyonlyonlyonly receivedreceivedreceivedreceivedlovelovelovelove onceonceonceonce fromfromfromfrom hishishishis mother.mother.mother.mother.

OnlyOnlyOnlyOnly she,she,she,she, howeverhoweverhoweverhowever OkinOkinOkinOkin waswaswaswas sosososo capricious,capricious,capricious,capricious,naughtynaughtynaughtynaughty orororor unreasonable,unreasonable,unreasonable,unreasonable, alwaysalwaysalwaysalways stayedstayedstayedstayed asideasideasideaside notnotnotnot totototogivegivegivegive up.up.up.up.

- 47 -

Love of mother could not against death,however.

Okin's mother was a widow. She tookcare of Okin alone. She was sick seriouslydue to work too hard for living, and diefinally.

At the time, Okin was only five.

He had not seen his father who diebefore Okin was born. Okin knew all abouthis father from his mother.

When he thought of his mother, he alsothought of his father.

"Okin? Okin?"

Master patted his shoulder and said.

Okin awoke and looked at Master. Mastersaid, "Don't be cranky. We have somethingto do."

He responded and fellow unwillingly.

Every time Okin fellow Master, he wasreluctant. He did not want anyone to leave,see the tears or listen to the crying.

"The Soul Guide should have compassion,but can't work with emotions," Mastertaught.

"Master, I don't understand... Perhaps,I'm not use to it," Okin said, "I'm tired."

"It's because you still don't understandwhat is life," Master said to him withsmile, "Don't you want to save your mama?"

"I want it. But... I'm afraid I can't."

"Surely to be done," Master said, "Ihave confidence in you."

"Why?" He asked, "Why can Master alwayskeep your smile?"

"Because of awareness. One day, youwill have your smile to face death."

They were talking when they were walkingin front of traffic lights. It was mid-night. A man did not pay attention to thetraffic lights to cross the road. Thecoming car could not stopped on time, so itturned to the side of the road and rushedonto the pavement, then stopped aftercrashing a lamppost.

The careless passer fell to sit on theroad. He was very frightened.

Master walked to the car. The door ofthe car was thrown off and the driver hadno respond in bleeding. When Master wantedto receive the soul of the driver, helooked up the sky suddenly. Then he turnedto Okin and said, "Leave this to you. Youboth wait me here."

He jumped up and flew to the building atthe opposite pavement.

- 49 -

Okin did not know what was happened. Heresponded to Master and received the soulof the driver. The driver asked Okin,"Who... who are you? And... how about me?"

"You have somewhere to go," Okin triedto say it calmly.

"Where? Why should I follow you?"

"You should go... that is a place...because..."

If he were Master, he would answered tothe death soul in few words patiently. ButOkin was saying hesitantly. He had fellowMaster for a period of time, but learntnothing about the scripts for the SoulGuide facing any death souls, because of noconcentration for learning to be a SoulGuide.

The driver detected a falter in hisvoice, he came back to his body quickly -he did not want to die.

OkinOkinOkinOkin watchedwatchedwatchedwatched helplesslyhelplesslyhelplesslyhelplessly andandandand thethethethe driverdriverdriverdriver

returnedreturnedreturnedreturned totototo livelivelivelive butbutbutbut gavegavegavegave aaaa groangroangroangroan ofofofof pain.pain.pain.pain.

TheTheTheThe driverdriverdriverdriver couldcouldcouldcould notnotnotnot talktalktalktalk aaaa wordwordwordword clearlyclearlyclearlyclearly....

HisHisHisHis mindmindmindmind waswaswaswas blankblankblankblank andandandand hishishishis bodybodybodybody waswaswaswas

inininin seriousseriousseriousserious pain.pain.pain.pain. OnlyOnlyOnlyOnly thethethethe thingthingthingthing hehehehe

wantedwantedwantedwanted nownownownow isisisis death.death.death.death.

- 51 -

Master had not came back. Okin becamefrightened, then jumped up to find Master.

He landed on a window of a flat and sawMaster holding a woman in red dressing tocomfort her.

The woman was crying on the floor, "Why?Why save me?"

Master saw Okin and asked, "where's thedriver?"

"He... Sorry, Master," Okin apologized.

Master returned to the woman, and said,"It's not the time. You can't leave."

The woman looked up to Master, and said,"Are you God? Save me please."

"Only the way is save you is yourself,"Master said, "whoever give you up, youshould not give up yourself. When the timecomes, you can't stay one more minute. Soplease treasure you time when you arealive."

After that, Master prepared to leavefrom the window. The woman cried, "Even theright to live or die, I can't grasp?"

"You're right," Master said, "you wereborn with no choice; and death is thesame."

"What is the meaning to survive?"

"Beyond birth or death, you can enrichyour life or become a decadent when you areliving. This is what the right you cangrasp and the meaning to survive."

Master did not take notice of heranymore but jumped out of the window. Helanded on the road when police and anambulance came. An ambulance corps took thedriver out of the car and operated withfirst aid.

Finishing his last breath, the soul ofthe driver came out from his body again,standing in the front of Master.

"It's so painful!" The death soul saidand regreted going back to his body.

Okin was so sorry. When he wanted toapologize, Master blamed, "this is thetrouble of your own's making."

"Yes... yes..." The soul did not dareto complain but watched Okin with anger.

"It's your time to leave. Only hurtyourself if you're eager to stay," Mastersaid, "go. You should set out."

Under the guide of Master, the soul ofthe driver reached his place where heshould go.

Okin kept in silent, like a little childknew nothing fellow behind an adult. He hadno standpoint to walk his own way. It wasbetter to be blamed, he thought, but Master

- 53 -

was apathy about what Okin did wrongly thatwas not tolerance or forgiving.

He was waiting Master to talk to himagain. When Master really started to talkto him, Okin felt regret.

"Okin, it's time for practicum alone,"Master said.

"Master, I...," Okin was so worried, andsaid, "I know I didn't learn with heart,but please forgive me, don't leave mealone!"

Master was surprised. He said withsmile, "You misunderstand my words, aren'tyou? I never leave you. Moreover, I don'tthink you learn without heart."

"No! Master. I can't deceive you. Infact, I just want to know how to save mymama from Hell, but not to be a REAL SoulGuide."

Master looked at him quietly andlistened to him patiently. Although he saidnothing, Okin felt comfort to expresshimself.

"Master takes me anywhere. What everyou did or said, I'm always inattentively.When the driver died, he received a hugepain and this is my fault. Everyone wholeaves the human world has many questions,but I can't answer, so I made them losetheir confidence..."

"Okin," Master touched his shoulder, and

asked, "How does it relate to your

practicum?"

"I'm not a competent Soul Guide."

"If you're already a competent Soul

Guide, no need to have practicum," Master

said, "You can't get the goal by only one

step. Being a Soul Guide, it looks simple,

but includes what we think about life."

"I don't understand life.... from the

beginning until now, I don't want to

survive."

"This is what your think about life,"

Master said, "Who told you this is wrong?"

"Master, don't you think it is right?"

- 55 -

"How"How"How"How aboutaboutaboutabout i fi fi fi f the re ' sthe re ' sthe re ' sthe re ' s nononono r ightr ightr ightr ight orororor wrongwrongwrongwrong inininin thethethethe wor ld?"wor ld?"wor ld?"wor ld?"

Okin knew what Master said, but did not

understand. He was frightened that all his

temperate words came from the reason of

"giving him up".

He tried to say something but Master

told him first, "I have confidence in you.

Please have confidence in yourself."

This the last words from Master. His

voice was still here, but he had gone.

"Why? Why do you leave me alone?"

ToToToTo BeBeBeBe Continue...Continue...Continue...Continue...