Popular Lyric Writing: 10 Steps to Effective Storytelling
Transcript of Popular Lyric Writing: 10 Steps to Effective Storytelling
“Breakaway”
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TableofContents
Chapter1CausingAnExperienceChapter2ExposingTheArtistPerspectiveChapter3TwoTypesOfDetailChapter4RhymeChapter5ReflectionsOfMusicFormAndStructureChapter6WritingTheVerseChapter7TheChorusChapter8ContrastChapter9TheContentCompassChapter10FinalTouchesChapter11TenStepsToWritingASong
PREFACE
Whenwewritelyrics,weholdthepenofanartist.Whetherwearewritingforourselvesorforsomeoneelse,theobjectiveisalwaysthesame—tocauseasignificantexperienceinthemindandheartofourlistener.Aswriters,wehavethepowertodeterminetheintensityoftheexperiencewecause.Memorablesongsconnectartiststotheiraudiences.Plotsvary,buttheirabilitytoevokelaughter,elation,freedom,sorrow,regret,hope,orloveremainsthesame.Thereisnothingmoresatisfying,inmyopinion,thantoreachlistenersattheircore—togainaccesstothevaultsofemotionbybreathinglifeintoasinglechord,phrase,ormelody.Afterall,emotionsarethecolorofexperience.Theyburnourlivesintothedepthsofourmemory.Withoutthem,events—likesongs—lackpurpose.
Therearemanywaystowritesongs,fromthedeliberateuseoftime-testedtechniquestosimplylettinginspirationguidetheway.Buteventhebesttoolsdon’tguaranteeagreatsong,andinspirationissometimespatchy.Somesongsreachaudiencesregardlessoftheirpoorrhymeschemes,unparticularrhythms,andscantlyricalgenius.Sointhepagesahead,Iamnotattemptingtowritetheconclusivebookonsongwriting.Iaminsteadattemptingtooutlinetoolsforwritingwithintention.Intentionallowsustotransferouruniqueideaseloquentlytopaper.Ithelpsustoidentifywhenarhythm,arhymescheme,achord,oramelodyfeels“off,”andthenputitrightagain.Ithelpsustolearnwhatitisaboutourownartisticidentitythatmakesourwritinguniqueandmarketable.Somesongwriterscansinganylyricandmakeitsoundconvincing.Ifthat’syou,thenyoumighthavetheraretalentofdrawinganaudienceinsimplythroughyourvoice,yourmusicalstyle,yourimage,andevenyouraura.Butifyou’relikeme,you’vegottoworkalittlehardertogainanaudience’sattention.I’veactuallycometoappreciatemyinabilitytopassaclichéforanoriginalthought,andIbelievethatveryhandicaphasforcedmetobecomeabetterwriter.
Ihearmanywritersandperformingartistsalikeexplainthatthey’renotinterestedinwritingforthemainstreammarket.Butthereisareasonwhysomesongmelodiesarerememberedlonger,andwhysomelyricsseemtoconnectwithouremotionsstrongerthanothersongswehear.Itismybeliefthatbeforewecanwritememorablesongsoutsidethemainstreammarket,or“outofthebox,”sotospeak,we’vegottoknowwhatitmeanstowrite“insidethebox.”Wealsoneedtofindoutwhytheboxhasprovedoverandoveragaintobeso
Wealsoneedtofindoutwhytheboxhasprovedoverandoveragaintobesoeffective.Frompunk,rock,reggae,andjazztofusion,adultcontemporary,pop,folk,andbebop,thetoolsthatfusetheboxtogetherareallthesame.Themorewebecomeawareofthetoolsavailabletous,themoreflexibleandeffectivewebecomeaswritersandartists.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ThereareafewpeopleIwishtothankwhohaveplayedanirreplaceableroleinthewritingofthisbook.IthankPatPattisonforhismentorshipandhisextremeinsightintothecraftoflyricwriting.Withouthim,Iwouldnotbewritinglyricstoday.IthankJimmyKachulisforsharinghistalentformakinghitsongwritingaccessibletowritersatalllevels.Ithankmyparents,MarkandJanDebe,fortheirunwaveringencouragementandfinancialbackingwhentimeswererough.Let’snotdothatagain,shallwe?AndIthankJanStolpeforhistoughlove,hisvision,andhisbelief.Withoutthem,I’dstillbestuckinchapter1.
CHAPTER1CausinganExperience
THEARTIST’SOBJECTIVE
Youmaynotrememberthird-gradepicturedayingrammarschool,butIrememberitverywell.Irememberpullingatmynavy-bluecottonjumper,thehighcollarscratchingtheskinonmynecktobrightred.Mylongredhairwasyankedupinaclipontopofmyhead,alastattempttosavewhatwasleftofabadcurlingironexperience.Mybangssaggedtotherightlikesunken-cakefrosting,loopingunnaturallyundertheweightofallthehairspray.Irememberwaitinginlinewhilethechildreninfrontofmefiledacrossthegymfloortowardstheblackvelvetcurtain,whereaman’svoiceloftedupanddownonapillowofair.Hesoundedmuchtoohappytobethere,insistingeachofussay“cheesycheesypizzaweezy”beforesnappingthebrightstrobelight.Amomentlater,hisassistantquicklyescortedusoffstageandspitusbackoutintothehalltowardsourclassroom.Icouldn’twaittochangebackintotheshortsandT-shirtI’dsmuggledfromhomeinmybookbag.TheembarrassmentofthatAmish-inspiredcottonnumberIwaswearingwasalmosttoomuch,butIknewtheshameIwouldfaceathomeiftwoweeksfromnowIcamebackwiththisyear’sphotoinmydirtywhiteT.
Yes,Irememberthatdayverywell,becauseofthestrongfeelingsofembarrassment,frustration,andlongingtoescape.Now,maybeyoualwayshadgreatpictures,ormaybeyouneverevenhadthemtakenatall.Butthroughthehonestanddetaileddescriptionofmyexperience,IhopeI’vesparkedanexperiencewithinyou.Perhapsyousmiledoryourheartracedalittle.Maybeyoushuffledyourfeetuncomfortablyacrossthecarpet,nervouslypickedataholeinyourjeans,rememberingatimewhenyoufeltsimilarlyhumiliated.Whateveryourresponse,itwasnottheplotthatgotyouthere.Itwastheemotionalconnectioncausedbydetailthatforamoment,weshared.
Inthepagesahead,we’llexplorehowitisnotsoimportantwhatwewriteaboutbuthowwewriteit.Anyideacansucceedorfailincausinganexperiencewiththelistener.Theeffectivenessisnotcontainedwithintheplotitself,butintheabilityofthestorytoconnectemotionally.
Effectivenessisnotcontainedwithintheplot,butintheabilityofthestorytoconnectemotionally.
Inthechaptersahead,we’lluseaten-stepprocesstogatherideasandpresenttheminawaythatcausesanintenseexperience.We’llalsoexposeanglesofourownartistrythatmakeeachofusuniqueandinimitableassongwriters.Sogatheryourpencilandnotepad,andgetreadytobareyoursoul.
MAKINGPEOPLECARE
Imagineadimlylitclub,astagewarminginthelimelight,andthelowdroneofanaudiencewrappedupintheirownFridaynightconcerns.You’reabouttoperformoneofyoursongs.Youwalkonstage,guitarinhand,takeyourplaceinfrontofthemicrophone,andurgeyourrighthandtobeginstrumming.Eyesdivertfromtheirshadowedtablesandbegintosizeupyourhaircut,yourlooseT-shirt,andyourfadedjeans.Yousingyourfirstline,“Babybaby,whenyouleft,ithurtsobad.”Youkeepstrumming,gainingmomentumasyousingthesecondline,“WhatdidIeverdotomakeyousomad?”Bythispoint,theinitialshiverofwalkingoutinfrontoffiftystrangershasrunitscourse,andyou’refeelingprettygoodaboutyourself.Butline-by-line,eyesreturntotheirtablesandthedullmurmurrisesagainasconversationspickupwheretheyleftoff.Bythetimeyoufinishyourfirstchorus,youmightaswellbepracticingaloneinyourlivingroom.So,whathappened?
Inordertocare,youraudiencehasgottofeelsomething.Whateverthatfeelingis,it’sgottobestrongerthanthesmelloftheburgerandfriesjustlaidonthetableinfrontofthem.Somewherebetweentheanticipationofyourfirstnoteandtheendofthefirstchorus,theaudiencelostinterest.Thesongfailedtoconvincethelistenertocareenoughtopayattention.Youmaythink,“ButI’msingingaboutmylastbreakup!Myheartwastornintwo!Whatmoredotheywant?”Quitefrankly,theywantyouandyourtruestory.Thetroubleis,thereisadisconnectbetweenthewordsyou’resingingandtheemotionyoumeantoconvey.Theaudiencedoesn’tbelieveyou’regivingthemthewholetruth.Theydon’tfeelyou’regivingthemyou.Butifyoudescribehowwhensheleft,youcrumbledtothefloor,thepitofyourstomachburning,andhottearswellingupinthelidsofyoureyesasyouburiedyourfaceinyourclammyhands...then,
inthelidsofyoureyesasyouburiedyourfaceinyourclammyhands...then,theymightactuallypaysomeattention.Thelistener’sexperiencematchestheintensityoftheevent.Andifitreallywasn’tthatintenseinthefirstplace,whyareyoubotheringtosingasongaboutit?
Youmightconsiderthesetwoideaswhenevaluatingyourconnectionwiththeaudience.
First,determinetheexperienceyouwishtocause.Areyougettingglazedlooksorintenseconcentration?Isthereaconstantconversationgoingonintheroom,orareeyesandearshangingonyournextlines?Ifyou’renotsurewhatexperienceyouwishtocause,thenchancesare,you’renotcausingone.Takeanemotionalinventory.Areyouconnectingwithyourlistenersorprovidingbackgroundmusictotheirbusylives?
Second,getreal.Onceyoucanputintowordstheexperienceyouwishforyouraudience,youcanbegintakingstepstowardsrecreatingthatexperience.Memorablesongscauseintenseexperiences.Unmemorablesongsdon’tcauseanyexperienceatall.Considerwhetheryoustayintherealmofgeneralitiesatthecostofconnection.Thenaskyourself,whatwouldIlosebybeingmorespecific?
Inordertocare,youraudiencehasgottofeelsomething.They’vegottofeelwhatit’sliketobeyouinthatmoment.Tellingthemtocarewon’tmakethemcare.You’vegottoallowthemtofeelwhatyoufeel,toseewhatyousee,tocometobelievewhatyou’vecometobelieve.
Let’slookatafewdifferentapproachestocapturingouraudience’sattentionthroughourlyrics.Ihopethisinformationwillinspireyoutobelieveit’snotsocriticalwhatyouwriteabout,buthowyouwriteaboutit.Let’sbegintappingintothatvaluableperspectivethatisuniquelyandsolelyyourown.
CHAPTER2ExposingtheArtistPerspective
BUILDINGBLOCKSOFCONNECTION
“Objectwritingiswritingfromyoursenses.Itswholepurposeistoconnectyourwritingtowhatyousee,touch,taste,smell,andhear;tothewayyourbodyresponds—increasedbreathing,heartrate,pulse,muscletension;and,finally,toyoursenseofmovement.Itprovidesyoursongswiththeirpicturesandexperiences.”
—PATPATTISON,WRITINGBETTERLYRICS
Sense-boundwritingwillbethefoundationofallconnectionthroughoutthisbook.Thisexplosionofthoughtiscrucialtogettingtotheheartofwhatconnectswithinourideaandexpressingitvividlyandefficientlytoourlistener.Dailyobjectwritingisagreatwaytobecomeskilledatusingsense-boundlanguage.
Forthepurposeofcomingupwithsonglyrics,Iuseatypeofobjectwritingcalleddestinationwriting.Destinationwritingissense-boundfreewritingdirectedataplace,aperson,oratimeinsteadofanobject.Thekeytobothdestinationwritingandobjectwritingisinvolvingthesensesoftouch,taste,smell,sight,sound,andalsomovement.Whenthosesensesareinvolved,thewritingspringstolife.
Agoodwaytovisualizewhatwe’redoingwhenwedestination-writeistoimagineourselvesasacameralens.Thecloserwezoomin,themoredetailwesee.Thebulkofourwritingwillbespentzoomedinsoclosethatwewillseetheveryporesandveinsofaplace,person,ortime.
Butonceinawhile,we’llalsozoomoutandcommentonthelandscapeandbigpicture.Let’simaginewe’redestinationwritingaboutaplace,suchasabusysidewalkinNewYorkCity.Zoomedin,wemightdescribe“handbagsslappingagainstpassingelbowsandtherhythmoflegslikewindmillspropellingbodiesthroughamassofdrivenfaces...”Butzoomedoutonthesamescenario,wemightwrite,“Asidewalkfullofpeopletryingtogetsomewhere,allworryingabouttheirschedules,theirrelationships,andscurryingfordirectioninlife.”Detailallowsourlistenertostepintoourshoes,knowwhatweknow,andfeelhowwefeel.Toolittledetailandwegeneralizetheexperience,losingintensity.Toomuchdetailandweruntheriskofdelvingsodeepintotheabyssofdescriptionthatweonlyemergewithsomethoughtfulpoetry.
Sowhatdoesdestinationwritingactuallylooklikeonpaper,andhowdowetapintothedepthofdetailweneedwhenwe’rewriting?Ifindithelpfultolistthesensesatthetopofthepage,beforeIbeginwriting.Thesesixkeysofconnectionkeepusfocused,andourwritingpoisedforapowerfulexperience.
SIXKEYSOFCONNECTION:1.Taste2.Touch3.Sight4.Sound5.Smell6.Movement
Inthedestinationwritingbelow,payspecialattentiontothesenseeachdetaildescribes.Considerhowdescribinganexperienceintermsofoursensesallowsustoimagineandbecomepartoftheeventitself.
KEYWORD:Airport
IslumpeddownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Thecrackintheseatexhaledastheweightofmyduffelbagsanklikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsrestingontheballofhernose,herwristspoisedonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherglancednervouslyaround,pattinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandmurmuringexpletivesashefoughtwiththebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackachedasIshiftedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofsiftingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbus,untilfinallyIwasspitoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,misshapenandgenerallydisgustedwiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomrangthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythebuzzoftravelers.Mynosecaughtthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
Eachsentenceinthisparagraphcontainscriticaldetailsthatprovidethereaderwithanexperienceratherthanjustplot.Atthispointyoumaybethinking,“Itsoundsgood,butIjustcan’twritelikethat.”Well,I’mgoingtoletyouinonasecret.Ready?Youcan.Theanswerliesintinypowerhousewordsthatmeanthedifferencebetweenaboredaudienceandonethatishangingonyoureveryword.Letmeillustratebyrewritingthesameparagraph,replacingoneparticulargroupofpowerhousescalledverbs,withamoregenericsubstitution:
IsatdownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Therewasacrackintheseatandtheweightofmyduffelbagwaslikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsontheballofhernose,herwristsonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherlookednervouslyaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketfor
Themanbesideherlookednervouslyaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandspeakingexpletivesashetriedthebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackhurtasImovedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofgoingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallyIwasletoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,unhappywiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomwentthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythenoiseoftravelers.Mynosesmelledthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
Youmightfeelthattheparagraphhaslostsomeofitsabilitytocauseastrongexperience.Theintensityoftheoriginalverbscertainlyhelpedtogarnersomevaluableattention.Butatthispoint,itstillhassomeredeemingqualitiesfoundinanothertinypowerhouse,theadjectives.Let’sexperimentbydeletingtheadjectivesandevensomeadverbsthatcoloroureverydaynouns:
Isatdownonthechairinfrontofthegate.Therewasacrackintheseatandtheweightofmyduffelbagsatlikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingaromancenovel,herbifocalsonhernose,herwristsonherlapassheheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherlookedaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandspeakingexpletivesashetriedthebuttonthatkepthimfromhisrelief.ThesmallofmybackhurtasImovedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofgoingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallyIwasoutintheairportcrowd,unhappywiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomwentthroughtheterminal,overthenoiseoftravelers.Mynosesmelledtheodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
Atthispoint,mydestinationwritingisreallysuffering.Itseemsthatallthatisleftarebasicplotideas.Theexperiencecausedbythisparagraphisfarweakerthantheexperiencecausedbytheoriginal.Fromthisexercise,wecandrawafewconclusionsaboutwhatturnsaplotintoanexperienceandhowmuchattentionwecanexpectfromouraudience:
Experienceiscausedthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbs.
Thewaytheideaiswrittenmattersmorethantheideaitself.
Ideasinthemselvesareneithergoodnorbad.They’rejustsimplyideas.It’swhat’sinbetweenthoseideasthatisthesecrettoconnection.Generalizeddetailcausesgeneralizedemotion.Specificdetailcausesstrong,specificemotion.Youdecidewhatyouwantyouraudiencetoremembermore—theirburgerandfries,oryou.
EXERCISE2.1.GettingSenseBoundPracticeusingyoursensestodescribethedestinationkeywordlistedbelow.Besideeachquestion,describethesituationinasmuchdetailaspossible.
KEYWORD:BusStation
TasteTouchSightSmellSoundMovement
Onwhatareyoustandingorsitting?
Whatdoyousmell?
Whatdoyoutaste?
Whataroundyouismoving?
Whataroundyouismoving?
Whatdoyouhear?
Whatclothes,jewelry,andhairdoareyouwearing?
Whatareyoufeelingandthinking?
Lookbackoveryourdescriptionsfromthisexercise.Compareyourverbsandadjectiveswiththoselistedbelow.Ifyoufindduplicates,youmaynotbegettingspecificenough.Tryreplacingthosegenericplaceholderswithsomealternatesandcomparetheresults.Also,locateanynounsstandingalonewithoutthehelpofdescriptiveadjectivesandgivethemafriend.
GenericVerbs,Adjectives,andNouns:
Good,bad,food,walking,sitting,sad,smell,taste,hear,big,small,pants,shoes,shirt,dress,earrings,necklace,suitandtie,smile,face
EXERCISE2.2.GeneratingPowerhouseVerbsInthelistbelow,you’llfindcommonverbsandadjectivesusedineverydayconversation.Totherightofeachgenericwordisalistofspecificwordsthatcanbeswappedoutforourone-ortwo-syllablesleepingpill.Forhelpcomingupwiththeselists,justlooktoyourthesaurus.Everytimeyoufeelyourselfrevertingbacktogeneralizedactionwords,refertothesmorgasbordofsynonyms.Tryfillinginyourownideasintheblanksbelowandcompletethelist.
Walk:wander,stroll,march,step,strut,shuffle
Put:lay,set,store,place,plant,fix
Said:utter,breathe,blurt,pronounce,stammer,stutter,mouth,jabber,muffle
Shine:glint,glare,sparkle,radiate,shimmer,flash,blaze,beam,flicker
Realize:discover,find,determine,unravel,interpret,unearth,disclose,recognize
EXERCISE2.3.DailyDestinationWritingSixminutesisallyouneedtobegindestinationwriting.Reserveanotebookespeciallyforyourlyricgems,andsetatimerorwatchtheclocksoyoudon’trunover.Usingthelistofplaces,people,andtimesinappendixA,letyourstreamofconsciousnessflowoverthepaper.Remembertopostthesixkeysofconnectionsomewherethatyoucanrefertothemoftenwhileyouwrite.
WRITINGFROMTHESUBJECT
Muchofourdestinationwritingwillflowfromakeywordplaceor“where.”Butsometimes,you’llfindthatapersonortimeasyourkeywordwillyieldsomegreatmaterial.Whetheryou’rewritingfrombusstation,TVevangelist,orjustaftermidnight,you’llusethesamesixkeysofconnectiontotapintothatgreatsense-boundlanguage.
sense-boundlanguage.
I’dliketotakethisopportunitytotellyouaboutmyAuntLouise.Ifyourfamilyisanythinglikemine,you’llunderstandthatafterThanksgivingdinner,she’sgotherhandsinthedishwaterwhileherhusbandofthirty-nineyearsretireshisbulgingbellytotheliving-roomeasychair.Now,let’ssaymyAuntLouiseisthekeywordthatsparksmynextdestinationwriting.ThereareafewwaysIcanapproachthissubject,soI’lljuststartfromtheshoesofAuntLouise:
KEYWORD:AuntLouise
Igazeddownatmydry,roughfingersswishinginthemurky,lukewarmdishwater.Theyweren’tattractiveanymore,Ithought.Thehandsofaworkinggirl.Athinfilmofgreasefloatedoverthesurfaceofthewaterastinysoapsudspoppedanddissipatedintonothingness.Thedrainactedlikeafunnel,suckingsmalldosesoftheparticledwaterwithawheezyslurringsound.Ismiledasthelaughterfromthelivingroomdriftedunderthedoorintothekitchen.Familymeanteverythingtome,thekids,thegrandkids,theexes,andthein-laws.Totakecareofthemwasmyjoyinlife.
Wecanseethepowerhousesatworkwithspecificverbsandadjectiveslikeswishing,wheezy,slurring,andpopped.Thosedetailsallowourlistenertoexperiencethiseventratherthanjustwatchitfromadistance.Butthereissomethingelseatworkhere.YoumayhavenoticedthatinsteadofwritingaboutAuntLouise,IbecameAuntLouise.Using“I”insteadof“she”providedanintimacythatmaynothaveotherwiseoccurred.Thisiscalledfirstpersonpointofview.Whendestinationwritingfrom“who,”itisoftenhelpfultowritefromfirstpersonpointofview,assumingtheroleofthemaincharacterofthesong.
Whendestinationwritingfrom“who,”itishelpfultoassumetheroleofthemaincharacterofthesong.
Thatway,thedetailshavetheopportunitytobecomeasintimateaspossibleandtheexperienceasauthenticasitcanbe.Lateron,wecanchangeourpointof
andtheexperienceasauthenticasitcanbe.Lateron,wecanchangeourpointofview,ifwecan’tseehowAuntLouisewouldmakethetop-tenlistforournextrecord.
ButthereisanotherwaytowriteinfirstpersonwithouttakingontheroleofAuntLouise.Icouldwritefromthepositionofanoutsider.MaybeI’marelative,afriend,alostlove,orevenastrangerpassingbyherkitchenwindow.WhoeverIam,I’mstillwritingwith“I.”Thedetailsaregivenstrongerpurposeandtheemotionsmademoreintensebecauseofmyintimaterelationshiptothestory.DistancingmyselffrommymaincharacterrisksweakeningtheintensityoftheemotionIamabletofeel.Thisdoesn’tmeanthatonlysongswritteninfirstpersonpointofviewsucceedinrelatingstrongexperiences.Butwhatwe’retryingtodointhisstageofourwritingisbecomeintimatelyacquaintedwithourstory.Ifwe’renotspecificwithwhatemotionwe’retryingtoevoke,thefeelingtheaudienceexperienceswillalsobeunspecific.Lateron,wecanplaywithperspective,oruseAuntLouiseonlyasametaphorandameansforconveyingourultimatechorusmessage.
Let’susethesamekeyword,onlythistime,takeontheroleofanoutsider:
KEYWORD:AuntLouise
Herhandsdelicatelydrewthetatteredwashclothoverthepan,dunkingthegriddlehalfwayintothedishwaterbeforedrawingitupagainandinspectingwhatwasleftofthegrease.Wispsofhairfelloverhereyesandshebrushedthemawaybehindherears.IthoughtIcouldhearherhumming,andoutofthecornerofmyeyeIsawherhipsswayalittle.AsIclearedtherestofthedishesfromthetable,IthoughtabouthowmanyThanksgivingswe’dsharedatherhouse.Evenwhenthingsweren’tgreatatmyownhome,shealwaysmanagedtomakethisfeelliketheplaceIbelongedandthefamilythatcouldn’tlivewithoutme.
Thedescriptionisjustasintimateandtheconnectionjustasbelievable,butmyrolehassimplymovedoutsideofAuntLouise.
Let’ssayI’dliketowriteasongtogoalongwiththatfantasticvideocollageyourcousinHernandohadbeenwhippingupforyourauntanduncle’sfiftiethweddinganniversary.TheexperienceIwanttocreateisoneofnostalgiaandrespect.Insteadofactingasamaincharacterinthesong,I’dliketofocusthe
respect.Insteadofactingasamaincharacterinthesong,I’dliketofocusthetunearoundthehappycouple.
KEYWORD:AuntLouise
Sheswishedherhandsinthemurkydishwaterandfeltfortherattedgreenspongesheusedtoscrubthedriedgravyfromthegriddle.Fromthelivingroomfloatedaheftychucklefromthegutofherhusbandofmoreyearsthanshecouldremember.Shesmiledtoherself,asthedroneoftheTVfilledthehousewithawarmthandglowthatsurroundedthemfornearlyalltheirmarriedlife.Itwasn’talwayssoeasy.Sheexaminedherfingernails,softandopaqueasifshehadrubbedherhandsinchalkdust.Thesmelloflemonandchlorinedriftedfromthedishwasherandshecouldalmosttastethedryheatescapingfromtherinsecycleintotheair.Shedrewtapwaterfromthekitchensinkandlitthegasundertheteapot.Itsparkedandhissedasdropletsdrippedfromthebottomedgeoftheceramicpotdownintotheelements...
Whenwritingfrom“who,”ithelpstoimagineanactionbeingperformed.Forexample,“middle-agedwoman”mightnotgiveyoumanyideas.But,“middle-agedwomanpaintinginthenude”wouldcertainlyarousesomequestions.Addinganactionhelpsustogetmorespecificwithourdetails.
Differentrolesyielddifferentdetails.Inallroles,thedetailswechoosetoincludearetheresultoftheintimateportrayaloftheexperience.Writingfrom“who”aswellas“where”canleadtosongideasweneverimaginedwehad.Andwhodoesn’twantmoreideas?
WRITINGFROM“WHEN”
Thereisonemoretypeofkeywordwecanuseasthetopicforourdestinationwriting.Wecanuseatimeor“when”tosparkspecificdetailsandcontent.Whetherornotwe’reawareofit,“when”alwaysplaysaroleinourdestinationwriting.Inthecaseof“airport,”“when”wasdefinedasamomentprobablynolongerthanaminutewhilewaitingandwatchingothersaroundme.ForAuntLouise,“when”wasafterdinnerwhiledoingdishes.Theinterestingthingabout“when”isthattheshorterthetimethatpasses,themorespecificthedetailswecanprovide.Conversely,thelongerthespanoftime,themoregeneralizedthe
canprovide.Conversely,thelongerthespanoftime,themoregeneralizedthedetailsendupbeing.Rememberthatconnectionwithouraudiencedependsonourabilitytocauseanexperience.Generalizationsdoverylittletograbandholdattention,soI’llsayitagain:
Thenarrowerthetimeframe,themorespecificthedetail.
ImagineyouandImeetfacetofaceforthefirsttime.Afteryouintroduceyourself,youpolitelyaskhowIam.Now,deepdown,Iknowthatit’ssimplyapleasantry,andyou’renotreallyinterestedinhearingaboutmydogbarkingat3A.M.,thehotwaterheaterthatalwaysseemstoprovideonlyenoughwaterformyupstairsneighbortotakealongrelaxingdip,andtheshirtIintendedonwearingthismorningtossedinaheapinthedirtylaundry.No,I’dprobablyjustsay,“Fine,thankyou,andyou?”Thepointis,totrulyexpectyoutounderstandandexperiencehowIwasfeeling,I’dhavetogointogreaterdetail.Grazingthesurfaceofthoseeventsforcesyoutostayontheoutsideofmyexperience.
Now,let’ssaywekneweachotherverywell,andyoucouldsensethatIwasunusuallyupset.Insteadofbombardingyouwiththehighlightsofmywholenight,I’dchooseamomentthatcapturesthetruefrustrationIexperienced:“Ican’tconcentrateandmythoughtsarescattered,nowthatmynewpuppyrespondstoeverythumpandtwitteroutsidemybedroomwalls.WhenIglancedattheclocklastnight,itwasjustafter3A.M.Mybedsheetswererumpledfromhisclawsshufflingthecottonintoathickballbeforehe’dthrusthisnoseunderneathandsnort.Thenhe’dperkhisearsandtailstraightoutlikeadart,andcatapultoffthebed.InStevieWonderstyle,he’dswayhisheadsidetosideandbarkaimlesslyuptowardsthewindow.”
Atthispoint,Ihavegivenyouenoughdetailthatyoucouldrelatetoandimaginemyfrustration.Thatexperiencecausesconnectioninawaythatgrazingthesurfaceofmorenumerouseventsnevercould.
Wecanthinkoftimeanddetailasacycle,eachonefeedingtheother.Themorespecificthetime,themoreconvincingthedetail.Inotherwords,themoredetails,thelesstimethatpasses.
Whenwetalkabouttheamountoftimethatpasses,we’renottalkingabouttheplotofthewholesong.Manyeffectivesongsdescribeeventsthattakeplacefromchildhoodtoadulthood,orbeforearelationshiptoaftertherelationshiphasended.Whatwe’reinterestedinisidentifyingwhathappenswithinasinglesongsection.Thosedetailsarethefruitsofourdestinationwriting.Theyaretheresultofaspecifictime,person,orplace.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
Sting,“StolenCar(TakeMeDancing)”JoniMitchell,“ACaseofYou”MelissaEtheridge,“AllAmericanGirl”
MelissaEtheridge,“AllAmericanGirl”BobDylan,“BigYellowTaxi”
ChapterSummary
1.Destinationwritingisstream-of-consciousnesswritinginvolvingthesensesanddirectedaroundakeywordplace,person,ortime.2.Thesixkeysofconnectionaretaste,touch,sight,smell,sound,andmovement.3.Experienceisconveyedthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbs.4.Howwewritemattersfarmorethanwhatwewrite.5.Theshorterthetimethatpasses,themoreconvincingthedetail.Thelongerthetimethatpasses,themoregeneralizedandlessconvincingthedetail.6.Whatexperiencedoyouwanttocauseforyourlistener?
CHAPTER3TwoTypesofDetail
HIDDENCLUESOFDESTINATIONWRITING
Nowthatyou’veintroduceddailydestinationwritingintoyourcreativeprocess,let’sexplorehowwecanusetheseburstsofdetailtocomposesonglyrics.Readingbackoverthefirstdestinationwritingon“airport,”wecancategorizeeachphraseofourwritingintotwodifferenttypesofdetail.Thiscategorizationwillhelptoorganizethesubjectmatterandrecombineitintosongform.
Therearetwotypesofdetail:externalandinternal.Externaldetaildescribestheactionsorobjectssurroundingthemaincharacterofthesong.Thedetailisconcreteandoftenprovokesanimageinthemindofourlistener.Internaldetaildescribesthethoughtsandemotionswithinthemaincharacterofthesong.Thedetailisabstract,sometimesmetaphorical,anddoesnotprovokeanimageinthemindofourlistener.
ExternalDetail InternalDetail
•Actionsandobjectssurroundingthemaincharacter •Thoughtsandemotionswithinthemaincharacter
•Abstract
•Concrete •Doesnotprovokeanimage•Provokesanimage
•Oftenmetaphorical
Tobetterunderstandthesetwotypesofdetail,let’srefertothe“Airport”destinationwriting.Eachsentenceismadeupofphrases.Phrasescanbetwoormorewordslongandwilloftenconsistofanadjectiveandnoun,anadverbandnoun,oraverbandnoun.Nowdon’tworry,youwon’tneedtohaveanin-depthstudyofgrammartodeterminethedifferenttypesofdetail.Allyouneedtobeabletodoisidentifyandisolatethosegroupsofwordsthatcreatethesephrases.
Phrase=Noun+Adjective/Adverb/Verb
Sometimesausefuldetailwillonlybeoneword—aspecificnounorverbthathelpstodescribethemoodandactionofthesurroundingdetail.Intheparagraphbelow,I’veunderlinedpotentiallyusefulphrasesandwordsinmydestinationwritingon“Airport.”
KEYWORD:Airport
IslumpeddownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Thecrackintheseatexhaledastheweightofmyduffelbagsanklikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsrestingontheballofhernose,herwristsrestingonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherglancednervouslyaround,pattinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandmurmuringexpletivesashefoughtwiththebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackachedasIshiftedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofsiftingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallybeingspitoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,misshapenandgenerallydisgustedwiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomrangthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythebuzzoftravelers.Mynosecaughtthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
NoticethatIunderlinedsinglewordsandgroupsofwords,avoidingconjunctionsandprepositionsthatconnectedphrasestoeachother.(Foralistofprepositionsandconjunctions,refertoappendixB.)Mygoalhereistograbonlytheessenceofthephrase,retainingmyoriginalideainthesmallestgroupingpossible.Inlatersteps,you’llseehowthisstreamlinestheprocess,eliminatingclutterwhileallowingmoreflexibilitywhenrecombiningthephrasesintolyricallines.
YoumayalsonoticethatthereareafewphrasesthatIhavenotunderlined.“AsIlookedaround,”“thatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief,”“generallydisgusted,”and“thenanotherbus”arephrasesIhaveintentionallyleftblank.Thereasonisthattheessenceofthosephrasesissimplycommentary.Theyareevaluationsmadebythemaincharacter,myself,abouttheeventshappeningaroundme.Theyexpressthoughtsoremotionsandarethereforeinternaldetails.Asyoumayhavesuspected,theunderlinedphrasesareexternaldetails.Theydescribetheactionsandobjectssurroundingthemaincharacterandevokeanimageinsteadofathoughtorfeeling.Whendeterminingifaphraseisexternalorinternal,itissometimeshelpfultoholditagainstthesetwodiscerningquestions:
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonwithintheheartormindofthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisinternal.
Withoutthehelpofexternaldetails,internaldetailslieflatandremaintwo-dimensional.WesawtheeffectsofthatinchapterIwith“Baby,whenyouleft,ithurtsobad.”Aslyrics,theselinesresultinbored,fidgetingaudienceswhodon’t
hurtsobad.”Aslyrics,theselinesresultinbored,fidgetingaudienceswhodon’trememberoursongsorus.Butwhenweprecedethoseinternaldetaillineswithexternaldetail,thethoughtsandemotionscomealivelikeastainedglasswindowinaburstofsunlight.
Nowthatwehaveidentifiedthetwotypesofdetailwithinthedestinationwriting,wecanlistthemintwocolumnstogetanoverviewoftheircombinationpotential.
Verysimply,we’lltransferthephrasesexactlyaswe’veunderlinedthemintoanExternalcolumnontheleftandanInternalcolumnontheright:
External Internal
Slumpeddown Airportcrowd
KepthimfromhishabitualreliefCoolplasticchair Misshapen
GateB14 Wristspoised
Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodaysCrack Lap
Seatexhaled Rigidlyheldthebookupright
Generallydisgusted
Weight Thenanotherbus
Duffelbag Manbesideher
aGlancednervously Linesatsecurity
Patting Intercomrang
Rightshirtpocket Terminal
Cigarettes MuffledandwashedoutMurmuringexpletives
Foughtwiththebutton Buzzoftravelers
Nose
Smallofmyback Pungentodor
Ached HamburgerandfrenchfriesShiftedinmychair
Combedmyhair Fingers
Spitout SiftingthroughmybagHustle
Ballofhernose Brush
Womannexttome Trappedonabus
Sanklikeabarbell Train
WornromancenovelBifocalsresting
Sometimes,externaldetailcanbecomeinternal,asitisliftedoutofthedestination-writingparagraph.Thishappenswhenthephrasehasbeencuttoodrasticallyandtheessenceofthemeaningisdistilled.Anexampleofthisis“trapped.”IcaneithermovethewordintotheInternalcolumnandconsideritafeelingorthought,orIcanaddbackintherestofthephrase“onabus”to
feelingorthought,orIcanaddbackintherestofthephrase“onabus”tocompletetheimageandleaveitintheExternalcolumn.
Whenyoufirstbegindestinationwriting,youmayfindyouhavealongerinternaldetaillistthanexternaldetaillist.Butwithpracticeandrememberingtostayfocusedonthosesixkeysofconnection,you’llbegintothrowmoreweightontheexternalcolumn.
Ifyoufindyou’rehavingdifficultydiscerningwhetheraphraseisexternalorinternal,don’tloseheart.Referbacktothetwodiscerningquestions,andthenaskyourselfwhetherthephraseproducesastrongimage,orifitismoreabstractormetaphorical.Aphrasehereandtherethatslipsthroughthecracksandresidesinthewrongcolumnwon’tmeansuddendeathtoyourlyric.Aswecontinuetheprocess,yourabilitytoidentifytheusefulnessofeachphrasewillsharpen.
Withourdestinationwritingseparatedintotwocolumns,wecannowseetheexternalandinternaldetailsclearly.Here’swherethemagichappens.Listencarefully,becausethiscangetsoexcitingthatyou’llfindyourselfforegoingnecessarychoresandhygienehabitslikecleaningoutlastmonth’sleftoversfromthefridge,feedingRover,andmaybeevenflossing.
Theexternalcolumnisthemajorityofmaterialthatwillbecometheversecontent.Itisourimmediatetoolforconnectionandthesecretweaponinbanishingboredomfromouraudiences.
Theinternalcolumnisthematerialthatwillaeratetheverseandprovidepurpose.Itjumpstotheheartofthematter,summingupwhythesongisworthwritingandlisteningto.
Theexternalcolumnwillbecometheversecontent.Theinternalcolumnwillaeratetheversewhileprovidingpurpose.
Usingtheseguidelinesasthecompassforoursongdirectionwillhelpustowriteasectionthatsoundsasrivetingandalsoasnaturalaspossible.Sohowdoweknowwhatsoundsnaturalandwhatdoesn’t?Well,firstwecanuseourears
weknowwhatsoundsnaturalandwhatdoesn’t?Well,firstwecanuseourearsandinstincts.Butwealsohaveanothertoolcalled“weight.”No,don’tputdownthatjellydoughnut.Whenwetalkabouttheweightofasection,we’retalkingabouttheamountofessentialinformationthatispresentandthepaceatwhichthatessentialinformationisrelayed.
Weight=EssentialInformation+Pace
Readaloudthetwoversesbelow.Noticehowthefirstsectionisladenwithdetail,whilethesecondislightandmoregeneric.
Verse:ThemudfromourshoesleftprintsonthefloorandtherainonthestoopspilledinasitpouredtheshingleswereflappingthewindowswereclappingbutwestayedinsidesafeandwarmVerse:Babywecouldsaywhatwefeelanddowhatwesayrememberwhywe’retogetherandlookforwardtoforeverthennothingcanstopusnothingcantearusapartwiththesetwohearts
Aheavilyweightedsectionrequiresintenseconcentrationforthelistenertoprocess.Alightlyweightedsectionrequireslittleconcentrationandthereforereceiveslittleconcentrationtoprocess.Bothextremescanresultinalossofconnection.Abalancebetweenthesetwoextremesisthemostdesirableweightforasection.Sometimes,wecanfeelinstinctuallythatthescalesaredippingtoonesideortheother.Thoseinstinctsareavaluablegauge,andwiththetoolsofthenextchapter,we’lllearnhowtonotonlyidentifyheavyorflimsyareasbut
thenextchapter,we’lllearnhowtonotonlyidentifyheavyorflimsyareasbutalsofixthem.
EXERCISE3.1.DistinguishingDetailCircleEforexternalorIforinternalnexttoeachphrasebelow.Whenindoubt,applythetwodiscerningquestionspresentedinthischapter.
1. EorI
Considermegone
2. EorI
Crisp,brittleoakleaves
3. EorI
Onlythelonely
4. EorI
Coarselywoven,tatteredquilt
5. EorI
Thinblackerasercrumbs
6. EorI
There’snooneelselikeyou
7. EorI
IthoughtabouthowmuchImissedyou
8. Eor
Thedoorstuck
orI
stuckslightly
9. EorI
Coldrushofair-conditionedair
10. EorI
Butyou’renot
11. EorI
Draperiesfleckedwithgrease
12. EorI
Thiswouldallbebearableifyouwerehere
EXERCISE3.2.ApplyingIdentitiesPracticeidentifyingexternalandinternalphrasesinyourowndestinationwriting.Underlinetheexternaldetails,excludingprepositionsandconjunctions.Leaveinternalphrasesblank.
EXERCISE3.3.CreatingColumnsPracticelistingyourexternalandinternalphrasesintheirappropriatecolumns.Takeacleansheetofpaper,anddrawalinedownthecenter,markingtheleftcolumn“external”andtherightcolumn“internal.”Transferyourunderlinedandblankphrasesfromexercise3.2ontothenewsheet.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
CountingCrows,“Mr.Jones”TheEagles,“HotelCalifornia”ToriAmos,“Winter”FaithHill,“OnaBustoSt.Cloud”
ChapterSummary
1.Thetwotypesofdetailareexternalandinternal.2.Externaldetaildescribeswhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter.Internaldetailsdescribethethoughtsandfeelingsofthemaincharacterhimself.3.Aphraseisanounplusanadjective,adverb,orverb.4.Externaldetailsmakeupthebulkofversecontent.Internaldetailsaeratetheversewhileprovidingpurpose.5.Weightdeterminestheamountofconcentrationourlistenerneedstoprocessthesongdetail.
CHAPTER4Rhyme
ROLLER-SKATINGFORMATCHES
Inthesixthgrade,Itookafewfieldtripstothelocalroller-skatingrinkwithmybrotherandafewotherswhosemomsrememberedtoturnintheconsentforms.Smashedpeanut-buttersandwichesandatokenbagofcarrotsinourknapsacks,we’dskateuntiljustpastdinnertimebeforeloadingthebustoridebackhome.Itwasindeedaspecialtreat.ButIalsoremembertheterrifyingentranceofaslowsongpumpingthroughthetinnyspeakersovertherink.Thatusuallymeanttherewasahumiliatinggameofsnowballahead,wherepubescentboyswouldlineupononesideoftheovalandpretendthewholethingwassilly,andblushinggirlswouldresttheirarmsagainsttheoppositewallwonderingifandwhentheywouldbepluckedfromtherowtodance.Well,I’llspareyouthedescriptionofthehorroronthefacesofthoseleftstandingalongthewalls,butIwillusethewholeordealasametaphorforrhyme.
Imagineourcolumnedphrasesrepresentedthegirlsandboyslinedupalongsidetheirrespectivewalls.Ourjobistofindrhymepairsforourlyricsbothbetweenandwithinthesecolumns.Let’susethecolumnsfrom“Airport”andseesomeoftherhymesthatexist.
External Internal
Slumpeddown Airportcrowd
KepthimfromhishabitualreliefCoolplasticchair Misshapen
GateB14 Wristspoised
Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodaysCrack Lap
Seatexhaled Rigidlyheldthebookupright
Generallydisgusted
Weight Then
Weight upright Thenanotherbus
Duffelbag Manbesideher
Glancednervously Linesatsecurity
Patting intercomrang
Rightshirtpocket Terminal
Cigarettes MuffledandwashedoutMurmuringexpletives
Foughtwiththebutton Buzzoftravelers
Nose
Smallofmyback Pungentodor
Ached HamburgerandfrenchfriesShiftedinmychair
Combedmyhair Fingers
Spitout SiftingthroughmybagHustle
Ballofhernose Brush
Womannexttome Trappedonabus
Sanklikeabarbell Train
Wornromancenovel
Bifocalsresting
Comparingsomeofthesoundsoutloud,Icancomeupwithalistofrhymeslikethis:
RhymePairs:Slumpeddown/spitoutCoolplasticchair/combedmyhairSmallofmybackached/duffelbagweight/seatexhaled
Icanalsolookwithinthephrasesforrhymesinsteadoflimitingmyselftojusttheendsofthephraseslisted:
gate/twodaysmurmuringexpletives/spitcrack/smallofmybackduffel/buttonseat/habitualreliefdisgusted/buttonnervously/murmuringbus/nervous
Youmightbelookingatthislistandthinking,“Ididn’tknowthatnervouslyandmurmuringwererhymes.”Strictlyspeaking,theyarenot.Butrhymeasitpertainstolyriccanpushtheenvelope,ridingonrhythmsandtheebbandflowofmusicalphrasingtoconvinceourearsofaconnection.Sometimesalooseconnectionismoredesirable,aswe’llexploreinthenextchapter.
Fornow,practicestretchingyourimaginationandpairingupyourgirlsandboys,externalandinternal,untilyouarriveatalistofpossiblematches.Withsomanyoptionsbeforeweevenbegintowriteourlyric,wefindourselvesinauniqueposition.Ideaswewouldhavesearchedlongandhardforarenowright
uniqueposition.Ideaswewouldhavesearchedlongandhardforarenowrightinfrontofus.Rhymesthatmayneverhavesurfacedarenowavailable.Bestofall,ourlyricispositionedtosoundnaturalandutterlyoriginal.
EXERCISE4.1.FindingRhymePairsUsingoneofyourdailydestinationwritings,identifyasmanyrhymesasyoucanfromyourexternalandinternalcolumns.Listtheminthespacesbelow.
TORHYMEORNOTTORHYME
Thisisyourchancetousethegoodeducationonrhymingyoureceivedinyourpreschoolyears.Someofthefirstrhymesyouprobablylearnedwere“cat”and“hat,”“see”and“bee,”and“car”and“star.”Thatrhymetypeiscalledperfect
“hat,”“see”and“bee,”and“car”and“star.”Thatrhymetypeiscalledperfectrhyme,andrequiresthatboththevowelsoundsandtheendingconsonantsoundsmatch.Stickingtothatrhymetypealoneprettymuchensureswe’llneverbeabletofinishalinewith“orange.”
Butwhatsomeonefailedtotellusisthatthereisawholeworldofrhymeoutsideofcatsandhats.That’swhereotherrhymetypescomein.Theyallowustoexpressourselvesexactlyaswewouldinnaturalconversation.Andasyouremember,ourconnectionwithourlistenerdependsonourabilitytocreateastrong,believableexperience.
Therearefiverhymetypesyouwillfindyourselfusingoverandoverinyourlyrics.Formoredetailedbackgroundonthesetypes,refertoSongwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhymingbyPatPattison(BerkleePress,1991).
Forourpurposes,we’lltalkaboutrhymeinitsabilitytocreateabelievableexperience.Sometimes,aperfectrhymedoesnotlimitcontent.Inotherwords,sometimeswegetlucky,andtheperfectrhymeconveysexactlythemeaningweintend.Butothertimes,weareguiltyofchoosingawordforitsabilitytorhymeratherthanitscontent.Whatresultsisafeelingofcontrivance.Theaudiencemaynotbeabletoputintowordswhytheyemotionallycheckout,butitisoftenbecausetheyaresuddenlypayinglessattentiontowhatwe’resayingandmoreattentionto“how”we’resayingit.Choosingawordbasedsolelyonitsabilitytorhymerarelypaysoff.
Sohowdoweknowwhenwe’rehittingthemarkandwhenwe’retakinglongshots?Onewayistoconsidertheamountofclosurearhymeprovides.Closureisthedegreeofperfectiontowhichtherhymecausesfinality.Perfectrhyme(well,sell)providesthemostclosure.Consonancerhyme,describedbelow(bag,log),providestheleastclosure.Thestrongestdegreeofperfectionissometimesthebarestgiveawayofpoorcontent.Iftherhymeappearstooobvious,thelistenerismorelikelytodoubtthatwhatwe’resayingistrue.Thesamecangoforverylooserhymeaswell.Ifthematchistooawkward,itmaydrawattentionawayfromwhatwe’resayingandontohowwe’resayingit.Sotheanswerliesinourabilitytohearthedifference.Aswithallrhyme,thebeginningconsonantsmustbedifferentoritwouldqualifyasidentity,wherewefeelanawkwardrepetitioninsteadofclosure.
Type1.PerfectThestrongestdegreeofclosureisperfectrhyme.Perfectrhymemeansthatboththeendingconsonants(ifany)andstressedvowelsoundsoftwowordsmatchexactly.
Examplesofperfectrhymeare:well,sell;chase,face;saw,flaw;form,dorm.
Type2.FamilyThesecondstrongestdegreeofclosureisfamilyrhyme.Familyrhymeoccurswhenthestressedvowelsoundsmatchexactlyandtheendingconsonantsoundsarecloselylinked.Familyrhymesarelikecousinsofperfectrhymes.
Someexamplesoffamilyrhymeare:wet,deck;dame,grain;float,yoke;math,pass.
Type3.Additive/SubtractiveThethirdstrongestdegreeofclosureisadditive/subtractiverhyme.Likeitsname,additiverhymemeansthataconsonantendinghasbeenaddedtothematchingvowelsounds.Subtractiverhymemeansthataconsonantendinghasbeendeletedfromthematchingvowelsounds.
Examplesofadditiverhymeare:stow,hope;year,feared;down,found.
Examplesofsubtractiverhymeare:bake,stay;shout,now;roll,know.
Type4.AssonanceThefourthstrongestdegreeofclosureisassonancerhyme.Assonancerhymerequiresthatthestressedvowelsoundsmatch,butthattheendingconsonantsoundsbedifferent.Keepinmindthatassonancecaneasilybecomefamilyrhymeiftheendingconsonantsoundsarerelated.
Examplesofassonancerhymeare:rope,known;straight,fame;still,grip.
Type5.ConsonanceTheweakestdegreeofclosureisconsonancerhyme.Consonancemeansthatthevowelsoundsdonotmatch,buttheendingconsonantsarethesame.Youcanthinkofitastheoppositeofassonancerhyme.
Examplesofconsonancerhymeare:bag,log;ground,bond;stood,wade;sock,back.
Sometimesthepairwon’tstrictlyadheretoanyofthesedescriptions.“Nervously”and“murmuring”haverhymedbeginningsoundsof“ner-”and“mur-,”buttheendingsoundsdiffer.Accordingtoourdefinitions,thatmightseemmostlikeassonancerhyme.Thebottomlineisthatsometimesthefinaldecisioncomesdowntoourmostvaluabletool:ourears.
EXERCISE4.2.TheFiveRhymeTypes
For each word provided, supply a rhyme using each of the fiverhymetypes.
STRUCTUREANDSCHEME
Whenitcomestorhyme,therearetwootherimportantfactorsindeterminingamatchandtheamountofclosurethematchprovides.Theyare:
Positiontherhymeholdsintheline.Positiontherhymeholdsinthesection.
Letmeillustrateeachwiththelyricsbelow:“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin’”
TheTVisflashingandblurredinthebackgroundassheclearstheplatesoffthetableAndsighsatthedishesthenslipsoutapicturetapedbythecupboarddoorhandle
Thesectionyou’vejustreadismadeupoftwogroupsofthreelines.Therhymeschemeinthefirsthalfmirrorstherhymeschemeinthesecondhalf.Whentwolinesrhyme,theyarerepresentedwiththesameletter.Linesthatdonotrhymewithanyotherinthesectionarenotatedwithan“X.”Uponlookingatthissection,itcanbedifficulttotellwheretherhymesoccur.Butifweareopentolooserhyme—thosethataresimilarinsoundbutnotexact—wecanbegintoseetherhymeschemeemergethatourearsalreadyhear:
TheTVisflashing A
andblurredinthebackground A
assheclearstheplatesoffthetable B
Andsighsatthedishes C
thenslipsoutapicture C
tapedbythecupboarddoorhandle B
Eventhoughlines1and2areaverylooseassonancerhyme,theyprovidea
Eventhoughlines1and2areaverylooseassonancerhyme,theyprovideadegreeofconnection,weavingthelyrictogetherwithacommonthread.Thesamerhymetypeoccursinlines4and5,anotherlooseassonancerhymecontinuingthepattern.Finally,line6closesdownthewholesectionwithaconsonancerhymefor“table.”
Sowhyisclosuresoimportant?Orinotherwords,whatwouldhappenifthislyricwerewrittenwithperfectrhymegivingmoreclosure?Howaboutiftherewerenorhymeatall,givingnoclosure?Andhowwoulditaffecttheoverallbelievabilityofthesectionandtheintensityoftheexperienceitcauses?Toanswerthesequestions,let’stakealookatthesectionrewrittenwithperfectrhymeinexactlythesamepositionsastheconsonanceandassonancerhymes.
TheTVisflashingpotatoesaremashingassheclearstheplatesoffthetableandsighsatthedishesandsilentlywishesshe’llfindawayoutwhenshe’sable
ThesectionisstillAABCCB,butthedegreeofclosureisextremelystronginlines1and2andlines4and5.Similarly,theconnectionsbetweenthethirdline“table”andtheclosingline“able”areequallyhardtoignore.Whathappenedtoourcontentwhenwelimitedouroptionstoperfectrhyme?Inthiscase,thecontentofline2dependedontheavailablerhymes“stashing,smashing,cashing,hashing,bashing,”etc.Thepossibilitieswereevensmallerwhenweconsideredperfectrhymesfor“table.”Whatresultsisalyricthatsettlesforlessthantheoriginalmeaningweintend.Ratherthanpreventmyselffromeverusingtheword“table”inasongagain,Icanlookoutsidetheobviousrhymes.Thatway,I’mneveraforegoneconclusionintheearsofacriticalaudience.Thereisastrongpossibilityherethattheperfectrhymesdrewattentionbecauseoftheirobviousquality.Sotherearesometimestwocommonproblemsassociatedwithperfectrhyme:
1.Limitedcontent2.Strongfinalitythatdrawsattention
Eachcaseisdifferent,butourearswilloftenletusknowiftherhymeistakingusdownoneofthosetwodead-endroads.Now,let’sseewhathappenswhenwedon’trhymeatall.Thecontentiscompletelyunpredictablewithnoclosureatanypointduringthesection:
closureatanypointduringthesection:TheTVisflashingAndblurredinthehallwayAssheclearstheplatesoffthetableAndsighsatthedishesAndslipsoutapostcardHidinthecanwiththecoffee
Especiallynowthatwe’refamiliarwithwheretoexpecttherhymes,thewholesectionsoundsawkward.Atnoplacedowehearanycommonthreadbetweenthelines.Wecouldconcludethenthatrhymestrengthensthesensethatcertaincontentandwords“belong”inthesong.
Thereisanotherimportantconclusionastothestructureofrhymeandhowitrelatestomusic.Inthenextchapter,we’llexplorehowthisrelationshipmakesitpossibletowritelyricsbeforewritingthemusicandstillarriveatasongthatachievesallourmusicalgoals.
Nowthatwe’vegottenalittlebackgroundonrhyme,let’sgatherthosetoolstohelpusmaximizethemusicalsettingofourlyrics.
ChapterSummary
1.Rhymepairscanbecreatedfromboththemiddleandtheendofexternalandinternalphrases.2.Thefivetypesofrhymefromstrongestdegreeofclosuretoleastareperfect,family,additive/subtractive,assonance,andconsonance.3.Thepositiontherhymeholdsinthelineandthepositiontherhymeholdsinthesectiondeterminetheamountofclosuretherhymepairprovides.4.Commonproblemsassociatedwithrhymearelimitedcontentandstrongfinalitythatdrawsattention.5.Bothstrictandlooserhymecanresultinalossofconnection.6.Ourmostvaluableassetisourears.
CHAPTER5ReflectionsofMusicFormandStructure
THELANGUAGEOFPHRASING
Aswriters,wemayfancyourselvespoetsorstorytellers.Butaslyricists,we’vegottokeepastrongholdonthosereinsoffree-flowingprose.Connectingwithourlistenerrequiressignals,keyingthemintowhensectionsbeginandwhentheyendandwhichphrasesaremostcentraltothemainpointandwhichare
not.
Imaginethatlyricsarelikethemapofathemepark.Nowimaginethemusicwastheactualthemeparkitself.Asyouwalkpastthecottoncandykiosk,aroundthegiantteacuprideand
overthewalkingbridgetotheTilt-a-Whirl,youfolloweachpointonyourmap.Butwhenyoufinallyarriveattherickety,ex-con-operatedthrillride,yourealizethatyourmapactuallyshowsa
foodcourtinitsplace.Thinkingthatyou’vemisreadthemap,youspendthenextmomentstryingtocoordinateyourselfwithotherlandmarks.Everythingelsechecksout,butyoucan’tshakethefeelingyou’renotwherethemapsaysyou’resupposedtobe.
Thesamegoesfortherelationshipbetweenmusicandlyrics.Justasalyrichasstructurethatismadeupoflines,musichas
structurethatismadeupofphrases.Thesignalsofstructureandrhymethatarepresentinalyricmustcoincidewiththesignalsofstructureandrhymeinthemusic.Evenbeforewecomposethemusic,wecangetanideaofwhatthemusicwilllooklikebecause
ofthelyricstructureandrhymeschemewechoose.
Sowhatarethesignalsofstructureandrhyme?Andwhyisitimportanttoheedthesignalsandfollowtheirdirection?
Toanswerthesequestions,wemustfirstbeabletoheara
Toanswerthesequestions,wemustfirstbeabletohearamusicalphrase.Songmelodiesaren’tjustmeanderingnotes
scatteredacrossanunpredictablenumberofbars.Theyarelargeideasmadeupofsmallerideascalled“phrases.”Thesephrasesaren’tanunpredictablestringofnoteseither,butarerelatedinrhythmandinterval.Therhythmsandintervalsthroughoutthemelodyandharmonyrepeatoverandover,givingthesonga
consistentidentityallitsown.
Consider“MaryHadaLittleLamb.”Let’susethebasicrhythmofthatnurseryrhymeasanexampleofafour-line
section.Feelthematchingrhythmsoflines1and3andlines2and4,asyoureadalong:Maryhadalittlelamb
whosefleecewaswhiteassnowandeverywherethatMarywent
thelambwassuretogo
Therearefourphrasesthatmakeupthelargersection.Eachphraseisagroupofnotesthatprovideonevaluablelinkinthe
wholetune’sentity.Again,wemightthinkofaphraseintermsofaroadmap.Let’ssayyouwanttotravelfromPittsburghtoNewYorkCity,soyouplotyourcoursealongHighway70.Andalongtheway,youplanonstoppingseveraltimes,justtomakesureyou’restilloncourse.ThedistancefromPittsburghtoyourfirststopisonemusicalphrase,orinournurseryrhyme,“Maryhadalittlelamb.”Thedistancefromyourfirststoptoyoursecondstopisanotherphrase,line2inourfour-linescheme.Thesecondstoptothethirdstopisanotherphrase,line3,andfinallythethirdstoptotheBigAppleisthefinalphraseofthetrip,line4.Now,
youmaybethinkingthatthisisutterlyelementaryandconsideringskippingaheadtothenextfewpages.Butinmy
experience,thereisnogreatermisunderstandingofyoungandoldwritersalikethanthewaywenotateourlyricalphrasesonpaper.Eachlinedenotesamusicalphrase.Eachmusicalphrasedenotes
Eachlinedenotesamusicalphrase.Eachmusicalphrasedenotesalyricalline.Theymustcoincideforthelyrictoultimatelybe
applicabletoamelodyandharmonyinawaythatmakesmusicalsense.
Let’stakeourroadmapanalogyonestepfurther.SayyoudecidetostopatasketchylittlegasstationbetweenPittsburgh
andyourfirststop.Becauseit’snotamajorcity,youfindyourselffeelinglost,pulledoverinanareawheretherereallyaren’tanysignsthatyou’restillontherightpath.Sowisely,yougetbackinyourcaranddrivetherestofthewaytoyourfirstscheduledstoptofillup.Putinmusicalterms,stoppingbeforeyougettotheendofaphrasewillalsoleaveyourlistenerlost,searchingforsignsthatthey’restillontherightpath.Let’slookatthisinanotherway.Stoppinginthemiddleofamusicalphrasewouldbeasifyoupausedmid-sentencewhilehavingaconversation.Your
listenerswouldlikelywonderiftherewassomeemphasis,somegreaterpointthatunfortunatelytheymissed.Undoubtedly,theywouldintuitivelyknowthatsomethingwaswrong.Theresult
wouldbeafewstrangelooksandaguaranteethatwhateveryouweretalkingaboutwouldbeovershadowedbythewayyouwere
talkingaboutit.
Becauseoftherhythmofthenurseryrhyme,weknowthephrasingisfourlines.Let’sdenoteonephraseasanarrow,
pointingusallthewaytotheendofthelinebeforestoppingandstartingagain.
Sofar,we’vetalkedaboutphrasesaslengthsoflines.Butwecanalsotalkaboutphrasingintermsofrhymescheme.Theverse
abovehasarhymeschemeofABAB.Whatdoestherhymeschemehavetodowithphrasing?Likewedidinourpreviouschapteronrhyme,let’sreplacetheexistingschemewitha
differentonetohearhowrhymeaffectstheoverallphrasingofthetune.
MaryhadalittlehorseWhosehairwasdarkasnightAndeverywherethatMarywentThehorsewouldfollowtoo
Thelengthofthelineshasremainedthesame,soweknowitisnotanissueofrhythmthatisthrowingusoff.Whenwechangetherhymescheme,somethinginterestinghappens.Thatlastlinesuddenlyfeelsawkward,asifitdoesn’tbelong.Thereasonisthatthemusicalphrasingsignalsthepresenceofarhymeschemethatdoesnotactuallycometopass.Themusicalphrasingisgivingus
doesnotactuallycometopass.Themusicalphrasingisgivingusroadsigns,butwhenwefinallyarriveatourdestination,thepromisesthosesignsmakearen’tfulfilled.Thisleadsustoan
importantconclusionabouttherelationshipbetweenrhymeandmusicalphrasing:
Rhymereflectsthelengthofamusicalphrase.Amusicalphrasesuggeststheplacementofrhyme.
FOUR-LINESECTIONS
Musicalphrasesaremarkersthatsuggestwhererhymesfall.Inafour-linesection,therearethreetypicalschemesusedoverandoveragaininpopularsong.Theyare:1.XAXA2.ABAB3.AABB
Whentheserhymeschemesarenotoccurring,somethingmustbeoccurringmusicallytoaccommodate.Forexample,thelastlinemaybebrokenintotwoshorterphrasesthatrhymewitheachother:
MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywentthehorsewouldgowitheyesaglow
ThisschemewouldbewrittenasXAXBB,butissometimesmistakenforXAXA.Itisimportanttonotethattherhymebetween“go”and“aglow”iswhatbreaksthelineintwo.Rhythmically,thosetwophrasestogetherequalaslightlylongerphrasethanoneofthepreviouslines.Thelinecouldalsobeextendedwhereonlyonerhymeoccurs,butstilllaterthanexpected:
MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywentthehorsewouldgladlyletyoungMaryride
ThisschemeisstillXAXA,butthelastlineislengthenedtoreflecta
ThisschemeisstillXAXA,butthelastlineislengthenedtoreflectalengtheninginthemusicalphrasing.Inbothoftheseverses,theplacementoftherhymereflectsthelengthofeachmusicalphrase.
Inthelasttwoexamples,thenurseryrhymehasencounteredalengtheningofthelastline.Let’slookatanothervariationoftheschemeXAXAinwhichthelastlineisshortened.
MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywenthe’dhide
Nowtherhymeoccurssoonerthanweexpect,themusicalphrasingclosingwiththerhyme“hide.”Hereagain,themusicalphrasingsuggeststheearlyplacementoftherhyme,andtherhymereflectstheearlycloseofthemusicalphrase.
Wecansummarizethepossibilitiesforfour-linesectionsofXAXA,ABAB,andAABBasfollows:
1.Shortenedanddoubledlastline2.Lengthenedlastline3.Shortenedlastline
Byviewingsectionsasalterationsofafour-linestructure,wecanmoreeasilymakesenseofwhatisoccurring.
SIX-LINESECTIONS
Let’slookatanothercommonstructuretobetterunderstandtherelationshipbetweenlyricandmusic.Thisstructureusedinpopularsongsoverandoveragainissix-lines,oftenoccurringwiththefollowingrhymescheme:(“T”representsthetitlelineappearinginthesection.)1.XXAXXA2.AABCCB3.ABCABC4.XXTXXT5.AATBBT6.ABTABT
Noticethatnumber1andnumber4aresimilarwiththesubstitutionofatitle
Noticethatnumber1andnumber4aresimilarwiththesubstitutionofatitleline.Thesamegoesfornumbers2/5and3/6.
Justlikethefour-linesection,thesix-linesectionismadeupoftwohalves.Eachhalfisathree-linegroupfollowedbyanotherthree-linegroup.Inthesong“That’sAmore,”therearetwogroupsofthreelinesmakingupthesix-linesection.ThissectionhasarhymeschemeofAATBBT,thetitleappearinginthemiddleandlastlineofthelyric.
“That’sAmore”byJackBrooksandHarryWarren
Whenthemoonhitsyoureye A
likeabigpizzapie A
that’samore T
Whentheworldseemstoshine B
likeyou’vehadtoomuchwine B
that’samore T
Atfirstglanceitlooksandsoundslikeasimplesix-lineverse.Butlet’sseewhathappenswhenwechangetherhymescheme,shorteningthephrasesbyprovidingrhymehalfwaythrougheachline:
Ifyoujump A
ifyouspin B
ifyourun A
ifyougrin B
that’samore T
Nowthishalfoftheoriginalverselookslikeafour-linesectionplusatitleline.Often,thesectionthatiswrittenasABABTcanalsobewrittenasAAT.Thedifferenceisthelengthofthemusicalphraseswechoosetoreflectwithour
Thedifferenceisthelengthofthemusicalphraseswechoosetoreflectwithourlyricalphrases.
Whenwewriteourownlyric,itisonlyimportantthatweidentifywhichstructurewe’reworkingtowards:four-lineorsix-linewithsomealterationofeitherashortenedorlengthenedline.Thatway,we’llalwaysknowthatwhatwe’reaccomplishinglyricallycaneasilyberepresentedmusically.Forexample,I’llrewritethefirsthalfoftheverseinordertoreflectthesamephrasingpatternsasmyrewrite:
Whenthemoonhitsyoureyelikeabigpizzapiethat’samoreIfyoujumpifyouspinifyourunifyougrinthat’samore
Havingtheabilitytodistilleachsectionofyoursongtoasimplerstructurewillhelptoidentifyandfixproblemareas.Eventhemostcomplexmelodieshaveidentifiablepatternsandsomedegreeofpredictabilitythatispleasanttoourears.
EXERCISE5.1:CreatingFour-andSix-LineSectionsPracticecombiningthelinesbelowintoeitherfour-orsix-linesections.Youmayhavetoadd,subtract,andreorderthelinesinordertofulfilltherhymescheme.
Line1:Wheresounddisappears
Line2:Thelights,noise,andtraffic
Line3:Higherthanthunderandjetstreams
Line4:Wayupaboveallthestatic
Line5:Dustcaughtinsunbeams
Line5:Dustcaughtinsunbeams
Line6:Andthinatmospheres
PHRASINGANDCONTENT
Wenowunderstandhowlyricalphrasesrepresentmusicalphrasesandviceversa.Butthereisanothersubtlerrelationshipbetweenthemarriageofmusicandlyric.Sofar,we’vebeentalkingaboutstructureandrhymescheme—thearchitecturalplansofourlyric.Nowwe’regoingtotalkaboutthebuildingitselfinallitsspiresandawnings.Inthiscorrelation,we’regoingtoapplywhatweknowaboutphrasingtotheprogressionofcontentwithinthelyric.
Theclosingofalargerhymeschemeoftensignalstheclosureofalyricaltopic.Similarly,theclosureofalargermusicalphraseoftensignalstheendofalargerlyricaltopic.
largerlyricaltopic.
Let’sgobacktoMaryandherlittlelamb.Earlierwetalkedaboutthefour-lineversebeingmadeupoffourequallylongphrases.Butwhenwetalkaboutcontent,we’regoingtolookatthebiggerpicturewiththecompositeofsmallerphrasesintolargerphrases.Thenurseryrhymecanbedescribedastwolargephrases,eachonelinelong.Thesephrasescannotbecombinedanyfurthertoachieveanevenlargerphrasebecausethemelodyattheendofeachlineresolvesandrepeats.TheyarethelargestrepresentationofthephrasingofMaryandherlamb:
MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowAndeverywherethatMarywentthelambwassuretogo
Nowifyou’llentertainmeforamoment,let’sanalyzethecontentofthesetwolines.Thefirstthingwenoticeisthateachlargephraseisonesentenceorcompletephrase,notafragmentofasentenceorphrase.Thataloneisalyricalcluesuggestingthesetwolinesarethelargestpossiblephrases.Wealsonoticethatatthecloseofthefirstlargephrase,thecontentprogressestoanothertopicratherthancontinuingtheinitialfocus.Letmeillustratewhatwouldhappenifthecontentofline1werecontinuedthroughline2:
MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowWithhoovesblackandpolishedcleanandeyesblueandbold
Bycontinuingthecontentofthefirstline,wearecreatingasectionthatiswrittenaboutone“topic.”Bothvariations,eitheronetopicortwo,mayserveouroverallmessageofthesong.
Nowlet’sseewhathappenswhenthecontentchangestopicbeforethephrasingcloses.
Justasweestablishedinpreviouspagesthatmusicalphrasesrepresentthelengthoflyricalphrases,thesameappliestocontent.Amusicalphraseislikeasentence.Startinganewtopicmid-sentencewilldrawattentiontohowyou’respeakingratherthanwhatyou’respeakingabout.Yourlistenerwilleitherlookatyouwithconfusionandaskyoutorepeatwhatyoujustsaid,orkindlybutquicklyexcuseherselffromtheconversation.
quicklyexcuseherselffromtheconversation.
Theeffectofclosingalyricalphrasedownbeforethemusicalphraseclosesdownisevenmoreawkwardattheendofasection.Intherewritebelow,we’releftwithasentencefragmentthatrequiresustoholdonuntilthenewsectionbegins:
Attheconclusionofthefirstverse,we’releftpausingon“found,”asking“foundwhat?”Thebrokenphrasetakesourfocusoffofthemeaningofthelyricandontohowawkwardit’sbeingsaid.Instead,we’ddobettertofindanotherwayofsayingthesamethingwhilekeepingtothephrasingsetbythemelody:
Nowlet’sexperimentwithchangingthecontentmidwaythrougheachlargerphrase,adheringtothesignalsofclosurethesmallerphrasesprovide.Inotherwords,let’strycombiningfourseparatecontentideasforeachofthefoursmallerphrases:
Eachlineintroducesanewthought.Andjustaswebegintopicturethenewthought,wearequicklyusheredontothenext.Theresultofusingsmallermusicalphrasestodictatetopicmovementisjerky,surface-orientedcontent.Asyoucansee,themoretopicsthatareintroduced,thelessthetimethatcanbegiventoconvincingdetail.Asartists,we’retryingtocreateaconnectionwithourlistener.Ourgoalmustbetoidentifytheexperiencewe’retryingtocause.Ifitisanexperienceoflight-heartedfun,skimmingthesurfacemaybeappropriateforcausingthatexperience.Butifweareaimingforauthentic,deep-feltemotion,thensurfacedetailjustwon’tdo.
Thechartbelowoutlinesthenumberoftopicstypicallyintroducedinasectionoffourorsixlines.Likeourtypicalrhymeschemessuggestinthebeginningofthischapter,thesesectionsarecommonlymadeupoftwoequalhalves.Inafour-linesection,wetypicallyhavetwochoicesforcontent:
1.Allfourlinescontinueoneidea.2.Twolinesofoneideaarefollowedbytwolinesofanotheridea.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONSFORFOUR-LINESECTIONS
MarcCohn,“WalkinginMemphis”Nickelback,“Someday,Somehow”DonHenley,“BoysofSummer”
Inasix-linesection,somecommonchoicesare:
Inasix-linesection,somecommonchoicesare:1.Allsixlinescontinueoneidea.2.Threelinesofoneideaarefollowedbythreelinesofanotheridea.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONSFORSIX-LINESECTIONS
AvrilLavigne,“I’mwithYou”FaithHill,“YouStaywithMe”MarkWills,“Don’tLaughatMe”
NumberofLines RhymeScheme
Numberof
Topics
2XX
1-2AA
XAXA
4 ABAB 1-2
AABB
XXAXXA
6 AABCCB 1-2
ABCABC
ABCABC
Youmightseeapatternemerginghere.Evenifthesectionisanoddnumberoflines,thecontentconsistsofeitheroneortwotopics,withtheaddedlinecontinuingthetopicintroducedwiththesecondhalfofthesection.Youmayfindthischartsummarizingsometypicalstructures,rhymeschemes,andtopicmovementshelpfulasareferencewhenconstructingyournextsong.
ChapterSummary
1.Justaslyricshavestructurethatismadeupoflines,musichasstructurethatismadeupofphrases.2.Rhymeschemereflectsthelengthofmusicalphrases.3.Musicalphrasessuggesttheplacementofrhyme.4.Twoverycommonversestructuresarefourandsixlines.5.Theclosingofalargemusicalphrasesuggeststheclosingofalargelyricalidea.
CHAPTER6WritingtheVerse
SECRETSOFSTRUCTURE
Upuntilthispoint,we’vetalkedaboutrhyme,phrasing,andcontent.We’veevenlearnedtodistinguishexternalphrasesfrominternalphrasesandhowtoidentifyandcombinenaturallyoccurringrhymesintopairedideas.Throughoutthesechapters,Ihopeyou’vebeenexercisingyourdestination-writingmuscles,usingthewhere,who,andwhenlistsfromappendixAasyourkeywords.
Now,we’regoingtogettotheheartofthesongwritingprocess.Ihavefoundithelpfultobreakdowntheprocessofsongwritingintotensteps.You’realreadyfamiliarwiththefirsttwosteps,destinationwriting/creatingcolumnsandfindingrhymepairs,aswellastheimportanceverbsplayintheoverallstrengthoftheexperience.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality
Nowwe’regoingtoapplysteps3and4,combiningourinternalandexternalrhymepairstocreatesongsectionsweneverwouldhavecomeupwithotherwise.
Weknowthatsonglyricsfollowpatternsofrhythm,rhyme,andcontent.Thesepatternsappearoverandoveragaininalldifferentstylesofmusic.Wealsoknowwecanusethesepatternsasmodelsforourownsongs.ButthisnextpatternI’mgoingtoproposetoyouresultsinatoolfordevelopingcontentratherthanstructure.ItisaprocessIcall“toggling.”Togglingisastrategyfororganizingsongcontent.Itisameansofcombiningexternalandinternaldetailtoarriveataskillfullywrittensection.
Therearemanydifferenttogglingpatterns,butrhymeschemeandnumberoflinesinaparticularsectionoffergreatcluesastowhichpatterntouse.Crafting
linesinaparticularsectionoffergreatcluesastowhichpatterntouse.Craftingoursongsectionswithtogglinghelpsusachieveafewimportantresults:
•Aproperlyweightedsection•Contrastbetweensections•Amoreintenseexperience•Presentationofourbestideas
Let’svisualizetheprocessoftogglingbylookingatthefirstverseofthesong“WhyGeorgia”byJohnMayer.
“WhyGeorgia”
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartmentbutIamtemptedtokeepthecarindriveandleaveitallbehind
YoumighthavealreadyanalyzedthisverseashavingsixlinesandarhymeschemeofXAAXBB.Ifyoudidn’tnotice,cutyourselfabreak.Thisisalearningprocess,andyou’llgetthehangofitthemoreyouactivelytrytolookforthesecharacteristics.Now,whataboutcontent?Aretherepatternswithinthecontentofthelinesthatyieldcluestohowwecouldwriteourownverse?
Theanswer,asyoumaynowsuspect,isyes,therecertainlyis.Wealreadydiscussedoneclueinthepreviouschapter:asectionbeingmadeupofoneoreventwotopics,changingmidwaythroughthesectionastherhymeschemerepeats.Inthisverse,thecontentreflectsthatpatternwitheachthree-linegroupmakingupacompletesentenceorthought.Butthereisanotherevenmoreusefulpatternpresentwithinthissection.Ithastodowiththemovementbetweenexternalandinternaldetail.Inmanysongs,thismovementcanfeelabitlike“toggling”betweenthetwotypesofdetail.Toidentifythetogglingpattern,wefirstneedtoidentifythefunctionofeachlineaseitherinternalorexternaldetail.Let’sreturntothosediscerningquestionsfromchapter3:
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.
Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonwithintheheartormindofthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisinternal.
Now,goingbacktothisverse,let’sassigneachlineanidentity:externalorinternal,orinsomecases,both.
“WhyGeorgia”byJohnMayer
Iamdrivingup85 External
inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoon External/Internal
juststuckinsidethegloom Internal
Fourmoreexitstomyapartment External
butamtemptedtokeepthecarindrive External/Internal
andleaveitallbehind Internal
Wecanseeherethatlines2and5havebothexternalandinternalqualities.Inline2,theideaofamorninglastingallafternoonismoreabstractandmetaphoricalthanamorningthatlastsuntil11:59A.M.Thatqualityshiftsthedetailfromconcreteexternaltoslightlymoreinternalandabstract.Similarly,line5shiftstheexternaldetailofkeepingthecarindrivetoslightlyinternalwhenthefeelingofbeingtemptedcomesintoplay.
Thismultipleidentityistypicaloflineslaterinasong.Asasongprogresses,thelinesoftenbecomemoreinternalandabstract.Thestrongerthefoundationofconcretedetailwehavetobuildon,themoreabstractinternaldetailcanadddimensionlateroninthesong.It’sallamatterofvalue.Withoutaparticular
dimensionlateroninthesong.It’sallamatterofvalue.Withoutaparticularimagetogivevalueto,theinternaldetailfailstocauseanexperience.
Agoodwaytofindoutifalineismoreexternalorinternalistotryswitchingoutthelineinquestionforapurelyexternalorpurelyinternaldetail.Ifthesectionfeelsheavyandcluttered,amoreabstractlinewillalleviatetheproblem.Butifthesectionbecomesweakandflimsy,thenamoreconcretelineisneeded.Wecanthenmakeeducateddecisionsonhowtocombinetheexternalandinternalcharacteristicstoarriveatasectionwiththeproperweight,keepingthefocuscenteredonthecontentandnotonhowwe’representingit.
Nowthatwe’vegotaprettygoodhandleonthetypeofdetailofeachline,wecantakealookattheoverallpattern.Whatdoyounoticeabouttheorderofexternalandinternaldetail?Theycreateapatternthatestablishesitselfinthefirsthalfoftheverse,andrepeatsinthesecondhalf.ThatpatternisExternalExternal/InternalInternal,ExternalExternal/InternalInternal.Atthepositionthemusicalphrasesbeginandclose,thetogglingpatternalsobeginsandcloses.Whatemergesisaroadmapforcontentthatwecanapplytoourownsongsections.
ThetogglingstructureforthisverseiswrittenasEE/IIEE/II,averyeffectivepatternforsix-lineverses.Tounderstandwhythispatternissopopular,let’strychangingit.Whatdoyouthinkwillhappentotheflowofcontent?Orbetteryet,howwillitaffecttheexperienceandconnectionwecauseourlistener?Let’sexperimentwiththisideabyfirstreplacingthelastthreeexternaldetailswithinternaldetails.
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomI’vebeenthinkinghowsadnesscomesaroundeverytimethatmyhopesgetuptoosoonandthere’snothingIcando
It’snotbad,butwelosesomevaluableinformation.Withinternaldetail,weareineffect“telling”ouraudiencehowthesubjectfeelsinsteadofcreatinganexperienceofthatfeeling.Thefirsttwolinescreateagooddealofimagerythatsustainsthroughthesecondhalf,butIwonderiftheabstractnatureoflines3and4compromisetheabilityoftheversetocreateanexperience.The
and4compromisetheabilityoftheversetocreateanexperience.Theexperienceitselfwillalwaysbemorepowerfulthantherelationofthatexperience.Now,let’strytheoppositeapproach,thistimeloadingthelastthreelinestothebrimwithexternaldetail.Youmayalsothinkabout“weight”whenyoureadandexperiencethissection:
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartmentandwhitelinesdottingadistantstretchofroadwithtreeshanginglow
Nowtheeffectisdramatic.Insteadofkeepinganintimateconnectionwiththelistener,thesongcontinueswithexternaldetailthatfailstorelatebacktothesubject.We’releftwithaheavinessinthatlastline,wonderingwhat“treeshanginglow”hastodowiththemainpointofthesong.
Let’stryonemorevariationonthistogglepattern,thistimeplacingtheinternaldetailrightupfrontinthefirstthreelines:
I’vebeenthinkinghowsadnesscomesaroundeverytimethatmyhopesgetuptoosoonandthere’snothingIcandoI’vebeendrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloom
Theexternaldetailsthatsobeautifullycapturedtheexperienceintheoriginalfirstthreelinesaredelayeduntilhalfwaythroughtheverse.Thethoughtsandfeelingsthatnowbegintheversecan’tcolortheexternaldetailwehaven’tyetheard,andsoaredifficulttorelateto.Iliketocomparethistypeofresulttosaltingasteakafteryou’veeatenit.Saltinganemptyplateafterthatlastbiteofcowdoesn’tdoanythingtomaketheT-boneinyourstomachtastebetter.It’sthesamewithexternalandinternaldetail.Externaldetailpresentedearlyonwillcolortheexperienceoftheinternaldetailtofollow.Internaldetailcan’tmaketheexperienceofexternaldetailtofollowmoreauthentic,nomatterhowtrueourintentionsmaybe.
Internaldetaildoesawonderfuljobofbringingpurposetodetail.Afterwe’vedescribedanimage,wecangivethatimageapointinthesongbycommentingabouthowwefeelorthinkaboutthatimage.JohnMayerdoesthiswith“juststuckinsidethegloom”and“andleaveitallbehind.”Thisbringsupan
stuckinsidethegloom”and“andleaveitallbehind.”Thisbringsupaninterestingpointregardingthelastlineofasection,sittinginapositioncalledthe“powerposition.”Frequently,thispowerpositionreceivesitsinfluencefromitsability,orratherresponsibility,tosumupthemeaningofthewholesection.Justbyshiftingthecontentofthislastlinefromexternaldetailtointernalthoughtsandfeelings,wecansumupthesongandbringclosuretotheideaspresented.
Manytogglingpatternsendwithaninternaldetail,regardlessoftheinitialhalfoftheversepatternrepeatingitself.Withouttheculminationofthecontentsummedupinthatlastline,thecontenthasnopurpose.
Wecanthinkofsummarizingasectionwithinternaldetailinanotherway.ImagineIwastellingyouhowthismorningIrosearound5A.M.,thumbedacabridetotheairport,andsweatedinmyovercoat,asIranthroughthecrowdedsidewalksdraggingmytwooverstuffedsuitcasesandbulkycarry-onbehindme,thenblewintotheticketcounterbeforeracingdownthehallstosecurity.You’dlookatmewithanexpressionof“thenwhat?”Ormaybeeven“whyareyoutellingmethis?”Ouraudienceisnodifferent.Theydesireapointtoourstories,too.
Therearedifferenttogglingpatternsthatprovetobeeffectivefordifferentrhymeschemes,butmuchoftheireffectivenessdependsonourabilityto“feel”or“sense”theproperweightofthesection.Sometimes,thetogglingpatternisrepeatedhalfwaythroughasection.Sometimesthepatternlaststhroughoutthesection.Wemerelyneedtoopenourearsandeyesandbecomeawareofthepatternsweseeworkinginothersongs.Thenifinourownsongwefeelwecouldstrengthentheexperiencebysubstitutinganexternaldetailforaninternaloneorviceversa,wecan.Butthesebasictogglingpatternscanbelifechangingforasongwriter,givingusaspringboardfromwhichtoorganizeourideasandachievethegreatestflexibilitywiththoseideas.
Belowisachartofcommontogglingpatternsandtheirtypicalrhymeschemepartnersoftenfoundinhitsongs.Themorefluentyoubecomewiththepatternsandschemeslistedhere,thegreatersuccessandflexibilityyouwillfindinalteringthesepatterns.
NumberofLines TogglePattern
RhymeScheme
2EI XX
II AA
EEEI XAXA
4 EIEI ABAB
IEII AABB
EEIEEI XXAXXA
6 EIEEII AABCCB
IEIIEI ABCABC
Onceinawhile,beginningwithinternaldetailcansufficeingrabbingtheattentionofouraudience.Theversebelowbeginswithinternaldetail,savingtheexternalforlater:
HerlovewasaTilt-a-Whirlspinningmearoundshehadmerunningcirclestillthedayshetossedmeout
It’snotuntillines3and4thatwegetsomeconcretedetail;however,theword“Tilt-a-Whirl”carriessomeweightasanimage.Manysongsthatuseimmediateinternaldetailemployametaphor.Here,thatmetaphorisathemeparkride,continuingthroughouttheverseandlaterthroughthewholesong.Metaphoraloneissometimesstrongenoughtogivethesongaflavorthatcreatesalastingimpression.It’salsoagreatwaytostayawayfromgeneralitieswhenwewrite.ThissameversewithouttheuseofmetaphorcouldeasilyfallintoNever-NeverLand,blandandlackingconnection:
Herlovewascapriciousspinningmearoundshehadmerunningcirclestillthedayshetossedmeout
Thegreatestpowerofametaphorisoftenitsabilitytopaintapictureinourminds.Whenwepresentthatpictureearlyoninthesongandbuildonit,we
minds.Whenwepresentthatpictureearlyoninthesongandbuildonit,wekeepaddingdimensionandconnectiontothesong.Shiftingfrommetaphortometaphorwithinthesamesongcaninhibitconnectionbykeepingthelisteneronthesurfaceofmanyideasinsteadofdeeplyrootedinasingleidea.
EXERCISE6.1.TogglingInActionPracticetogglingthelinesbelowintotwo-,four-,andsix-linesectionsusingthefollowingtogglingpatterns:EEII,EIEI,IIEE,andEIEEIE.
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
anddusted‘roundthedoor E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
Ipulledbackthecurtains E
andletsunlightfloodthefloor E
andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I
PossibleAnswers:
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
anddusted’roundthedoor E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
allthatsleptwithinmesighed I
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
E
IpulledbackthecurtainsE
andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I
Mustymemoriesfilledmymind I
allthatsleptwithinmesighed I
andasIdusted‘roundthedoor E
Iletthesunlightfloodthefloor E
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
anddusted’roundthedoor E
Ipulledbackthecurtains E
andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I
Iletsunlightfloodthefloor E
Whichoftheseversesfeelsmostnaturaland,inyourestimation,producesthestrongestexperience?
EXERCISE6.2.AppliedTogglingWriteanoriginalversefromanyofyourdailydestinationwritings.Usingyourexternalandinternalcolumns,toggleeitherafour-orsix-linesectionusingtherhyme-schemeandpatternpossibilitieslistedinthetogglingchart.
FILLINGINMISSINGLINES
Sometimes,whenwe’retoggling,wefindwe’remissinganexternalorinternaldetailtocompletetherhymescheme.Ifourdestinationwritinghasnotsupplieduswithalltherhymesorcontentweneed,wesimplypluginthephraseswedohaveandthenwriteanewline.Aslongaswefollowthetogglingpatternwithournewline,theideawillworknomatterwhatitis.
ournewline,theideawillworknomatterwhatitis.
Let’sassumewe’vegotthreelinesofafour-linesectionandwishtowriteafourththought/feelingline(aninternaldetail).Sofar,thesectionlookslikethis:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andlawnchairsinthesnow External A
asIdrovepastthehouses External X
? Internal A
Itdoesn’tmatterwhatdetailwewriteforthatlastline,aslongasitdealswiththethoughtsandfeelingsofthecharacter.Itshouldbeabstractasopposedtoconcrete:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andlawnchairsinthesnow External A
asIdrovepastthehouses External X
1feltsoalone Internal A
Icouldeasilyinsertacompletelydifferentthought/feelingdetail:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andlawnchairsinthesnow External A
External X
asIdrovepastthehouses External X
IthoughtI’doutgrown Internal A
Thesameistruefortheexternallines.Anyconcretedetailcanbereplacedwithanyotherconcretedetail:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andsquaresonthelawns External A
wherelightspilledfromwindows External X
andmymemoriesweredrawn Internal A
Allweneedtodoismakesurewe’rechoosingourrhymeseffectively,matchingtheleveloforiginalityoftherestofourdestination-writing-inspiredsection.
CONNECTINGATOGGLEDSECTION
Gainingtheabilitytocombineourphrasefragmentsintoeffectivesectionsisahugestep.Butnow,we’regoingtolearnhowtoconnectthosephrasessotheynolongerseemlikeseparatepiecesofalargerpuzzle.Thesecrettoconnectionliesintinywordscalledprepositionsandconjunctions(foralist,refertoappendixB).Afterwe’veinsertedthephrasesfromourcolumnsintoourrhymeschemeandtogglepattern,wecanaddprepositionsandconjunctionswhereverneededtomakecompletesentences.Theabilityofoursectiontocreateanexperiencewilldependonourabilitytomakethesectionasconversationalaspossible.Themoreconversationalandnaturalthesectionsings,thestrongertheconnectionouraudiencewillfeel.
Let’susethesectionbelow,takenfrommycolumnson“Airport.”Eachlinefeelslikeaseparatefragmenteddetailwhenpluggedintothetogglingpatternandrhymescheme:
Chairexhaled,Islumpeddown External X
Abarbell,atthegate External A
Combedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X
Giveintothewait(newline) Internal A
Whentheconnectorwordsareadded(indicatedinbold),theversetakesonlife:
ThechairexhaledasIslumpeddown External X
likeabarbellatthegate External A
andcombedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X
andgaveintothewait Internal A
Simplyaddingwordslike“the,like,as,and,but,with,while,”andpronounslike“I,”wecanturnastackofphrasesintoaconversationalsection.Noticethattheverseadherestoourideasonphrasing.Inthiscase,thewholesectionisonetopicsimplybecauseoftheword“and.”Conjunctionsandprepositionshavethepowertoeitherinsertapauseorkeepthesentencegoing.Here,I’vedividedthesectionintotwohalves,eachhalfacompletethoughtonitsown:
ThechairexhaledasIslumpeddown External X
likeabarbellatthegate External A
Icombedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X
andgaveintothewait Internal A
Sometimestheeffectsofconjunctionsandprepositionsaredramaticenoughtocreateafeelingofstoppingandstartingwithinasection.Ifthosestopsandstartsdon’tcorrespondwiththebeginningsandendingsofthemusicalphrasing,werunintoMaryandherlittlelamb’sproblemagain.Thegoodthingisit’softensimpletoreconnectphrasestomatchourmusicalphrasing.
oftensimpletoreconnectphrasestomatchourmusicalphrasing.
Let’slookatanotherexampleofhowaddingprepositionsandconjunctionsturnsafragmentedstackofdetailsintoasingablesection.Thistime,let’suseAuntLouisefromchapter2asoursubject.I’vedrawnexternalandinternaldetailsfrommydestinationwritingtoconstructthesectionsbelow:
Verse1:DrewthetatteredwashclothPanwithgreaseWispsofhairfellinhereyesBrushedthembehindherearsVerse2:ClearedthedishesfromthetableHearherhummingthingsweren’tgreatatmyownhomeplaceIbelonged
HereI’veconstructedtwofour-lineverseideaswithalooserhymeschemeXAXA.ThefirstversefollowsatogglingpatternofEEEE,thenthesecondversechangesthelasttwolinestointernal.Becauseoftheheavyexternaldetailthroughoutthefirstandsecondverse,thoselastfewlinesareextremelyimportantingivingbothsectionsvalue.Asitreadsnow,thereseemstobeastrongdisconnectbetweentheideas.ButwhenIaddinsometinyconnectors,thestorybeginstoemerge:
Verse1:ShedrewthetatteredwashclothoverthepanwithgreaseaswispsofhairfellinhereyesandshebrushedthembehindherearsVerse2:AndasIclearedthedishesfromthetableIlistenedtoherhumEventhoughthiswasn’tmyrealhomeshemademefeelthatIbelonged
Inthesecondlineofverse2,Iwantedtoaccentuatethesoundof“-um”and“-ong”toreallygrabthatlooserhyme.ThatmeantIhadtochangethetenseoftheverb“humming.”Ikepttheideaforthecontentofthatline,butrearrangedthewordingtoachievetherhythmandrhyme.ThenIaddedthepronoun“I”tobenefittheconversationalqualityoftheverse.
EXERCISE6.3.UsingConjunctionsandPrepositionsPracticeaddingconjunctionsandprepositionstothefour-linesectionsbelow.Usethelistof
prepositionsandconjunctionsinappendixBforideas.Experimentwithdifferentconnectorstohearhowtheyeachchangethemeaningofthecontent.
standingintheplaceIstartedfromroomIspentmylifeescapingfrompainteddresserandasinglebedcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdress
PossibleAnswer:I’mstandingintheplaceIstartedfromintheroomIspentmylifeescapingfromwithapainteddresserandasinglebedandcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdress
THETHREEELEMENTS
Inthepagesahead,we’regoingtolookatanothercharacteristicofgreatsongs.Onceyou’reawareofthistoolatwork,youcandecidehowthesongsyouwritewouldbenefitfromitsapplication.
Animportantaspectofcontentwecanlearnfromourfavoritesongsisthepresenceof“who,”“where,”and“when.”Inmostsongs,thesethreecharacteristicsgounnoticed,justtakenforgrantedaspartofthenaturalflowofthelyric.Butthesimpleomissionofjustoneoftheseelementscanseriouslyjeopardizeourconnectionwithouraudience.Let’sfirstlookatwhatwemeanwhenwelookforthepresenceofthesethreeelements.
Inthelyricbelow,wecaneasilyidentifywho,where,andwhen:“TimeafterTime,”byCyndiLauperandRobertHyman
LyinginmybedIheartheclocktickandthinkofyou
caughtupincirclesconfusion
isnothingnew
Thislyriciswritteninfirstpersonperspective.“Who”is“my/I.”“Where”is“inmybed.”“When”issometimesmoredifficulttoidentify,becauseitisrarelyfoundstatedas“sixo’clock”or“thismorning.”Instead,itisreflectedintheformofbeing“lying.”Becauseofthepresentformofbeing,the“when”is“rightnow,”or“asthesongisbeingsung.”
Sometimes,thesethreeelementsaresubtler.Inthefollowinglyric,“when”isstillreflectedinthetenseoftheverbs,but“where”isrevealedinthedetailasearlyasline2,placingussomewhereonabusysidewalk.Westillget“who”rightupfrontinline1withthepronoun“L”
Nomatterhowsubtlethepresenceoftheseelements,theyclearlygivethelisteneratime,aplace,andasubjectearlyoninthesong.Thinkofthesethreeelementsaslegsofatripod.Ifanyoneofthemismissing,thesonglosesitsfootingandtheaudiencefeelsit.Nomatterhowhardwetrytoconvinceouraudiencethattheyshouldunderstandwherewe’recomingfrom,theywon’tquitebuyit.Let’sseewhathappenswhenweomitthepresenceoftheseelements:
IpulledmycoatintightAnddriftthroughtheconfusionSlippingbytheprintedlinesAndbreatheintheillusion
Anyoneofthelinesarejustfineontheirown,evengreatintheappropriatecontext,butasawhole,theexperiencethislyriccausesisconfusing.I’vemadeafewminorchangestosabotagethislyric.Thefirstwasplayingwiththetenseoftheverbs,creatingconfusionwith“when.”Thefirstlineisaboutaneventthathappened,butthesecondlineisacommandformofsomethingthatis
happened,butthesecondlineisacommandformofsomethingthatishappening.Nowthatwe’renotsurewhetherthiseventishappeningorhashappened,we’respendingourattentiontryingtomakesenseofthedetailratherthanexperiencingthedetail.I’vealsoremovedasenseof“where”fromthelyric.Thisomissionleavestheartistfloatingoutintheworldoffeelingsandthoughtswithoutanimageforthelistenertograbonto.
Imagineafriendtellingyouthatshejustbrokeupwithherboyfriend.Knowingwhenandwhereithappenedwouldcertainlyallowyoutoconnectbetterwithherheadandheart,imaginingtheexperienceshemusthaveencountered.Themoredetailyougatheraboutwhereshewaswhenithappened,themorepersonalitfeelstoyou.Youcangiveyouraudiencethatsamepersonalrelationshipbycluingthemintowhereandwhenyoursongtakesplace.
EXERCISE6.4.IdentifyingtheThreeElementsIdentifythethreeelementsineachofthefirst-versesectionsbelow.
“WhyGeorgia,”byJohnMayer
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoon
juststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartment
butIamtemptedtokeepthecarindriveandleaveitallbehind
HowisWHOestablished?——————————
HowisWHEREestablished?—————————
HowisWHENestablished?——————————
“Breakaway,”byBridgetBenenate,MatthewGerrard,AvrilLavigne(I)grewupinasmalltownandwhentherainwouldfalldownI’djuststareoutmywindowDreamingofwhatcouldbeandifI’denduphappy
Iwouldpray
HowisWHOestablished?——————————
HowisWHEREestablished?—————————
HowisWHENestablished?——————————
Whatdoyounoticeaboutyouranswers?Doyoufindthatthethreeelementsmostoftenoccurwithinthefirstfewlinesofthesong?Ifyoudid,thenyou’reontherighttrack.Aswithmanysongwritingtechniques,thiscommonalityisaguidebutwillletusdownasarule.
Let’sseewhathappenswhenoneormoreoftheseelementsoccurlaterinthesong,perhapsnotuntilthelaterhalfoftheverseratherthanthefirsthalf:
Herfearshadkeptherconfusedinamazebutherheartwasintentonbelievinghe’dchangesoshestayedaroundwhenmostwouldgiveupbutthedaythatshetossedallherclothesinabagandspunoffwiththescreechofburntrubberandpainwasthefifteenthofJunebutherownlndependenceDay
It’snotuntilline4thatwereceiveaclearindicationof“where”with“clothesinabag”and“spunoffwiththescreechofburntrubber,”allowingustoimaginefirstabedroomofsortsandthenacar.“Who”and“when”arestillpresent,buttheyalonedon’tseemtoconvinceustoconnect.Now,withoutlookingbackatthisverseyoujustread—Imeanit,don’tlook—doyourememberwhatthosefirstthreelineswereabout?Ifyoudon’t,thenyou’rerighttherewiththebestofus.Perhapsthemostimportantelementinasongis“where.”It’sanaudience’slifelineofconnectiontoanartist.Itallowsthelistenerstoexperiencetheeventratherthanjustsitonthesidelines.
EXERCISE6.5.ApplyingtheElementsChooseadestination-writingexample,andseparateyourexternalandinternaldetailsintotwocolumns.Toggleafour-andsix-linesectionusingyourcolumns,followingtherhymeschemeandtogglingpatternsfromthischapter.Thengobackandanalyzeifwho,where,andwhenwereestablished.Ifanyofthoseelementsare
missing,gobackandputtheminbyeither:•addingI,you,he,orshe•conformingverbstothesametense,eitherpast,present,orfuture•insertinganexternaldetailtoclearlydescribe“where”
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
AvrilLavigne,“I’mwithYou”KennyRogers,“TheGambler”FaithHill,“YouStaywithMe”DonHenley,“BoysofSummer”MichaelJackson,“Thriller”Tonic,“MyOldMan”GreenDay,“BoulevardofBrokenDreams”
ChapterSummary
1.Togglingisastrategyfororganizingcontentbymeansofcombiningexternalandinternaldetail.2.Effectivetogglingpatternscreatestrongexperiencesinthemindsandheartsofthelisteners.3.Anyinternaldetailcanbeexchangedforanotherinternaldetail,andanyexternaldetailcanbeexchangedforanotherexternaldetail.4.Themoreconversationalthelyric,thestrongertheexperiencethatiscaused.5.Alyriccanbemademoreconversationalbytheadditionofconjunctionsandprepositions.6.Thethreeelementsofastrongconnectionarewho,where,andwhen.
CHAPTER7TheChorus
INVENTING“WHY”
Sofarwe’vebeenfocusingon“what”towrite.Nowthetimehascomewhenwe’lldecideon“why.”“Why”isthereasonwewrotethesong.Itistheculminationofourdetailintoonecompletesolitarythought,producingthe“ah-hah”momentwesongwriterslustafter.Asongwithoutapurposeislikeajokewithoutapunchline.Andwe’dbeamazedhowoftensongwritersmissthatall-importantquestion,“Why?”
Upuntilthispoint,we’vefocusedondetail.We’veestablishedthatthemoresense-boundourwriting,thestrongertheexperiencewecreateforourlistener.Weknowhowtocombinethatdetailwithprepositionsandconjunctionssothatthesectionsconnectwithourlistener.Nowwe’regoingtoexploresteps6and7ofour10-stepprocess,broadeningourfocustothebigpicture.Infact,that’sjustwhatthechorusis:thebigpicture.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalqualityImagineagainthatyourverseislikeaclose-upofaleaf.Youdescribetheveins,thepores,andthechlorophyll.Youdescribethecool,coarsesurfaceandjaggededgesagainstyourfingertips,thefreshgreensmell,bitterandearthylikejuicedwheatgrassatthehealth-foodscounterinthegrocerystore.Now,youpanouttotakeinnotjusttheleaf,butthewholetree.Andsurroundingthetreeisapatchofgrassatopasmallhill.AndbehindthatisthesunslowlysinkingintheWest.Thatscene—theone-treehillanditssunset—isthecontentofthechorus.Itsfunctionistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailofthesongpurposeandvalue.
Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,
Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailpurposeandvalue.
TWOTYPESOFCHORUSES
Let’simaginewhat“why”lookslikeintermsoftwodifferenttypesofchoruses:abstract/metaphoricalandlist.
Abstract/metaphoricalisthemostcommontypeofchorus,consistingofmainlythoughtandfeelingdetailthatweknowasinternal,sometimeswithafewexternaldetailsthrownin.Belowisanexampleofthistypeofchorus.
“TimeAfterTime”byCyndiLauperandRobertHymanIfyou’relostyoucanlookAndyouwillfindmeTimeaftertime
IfyoufallIwillcatchyouI’llbewaitingTimeaftertime
Wedon’tgetaclearsenseof“where,”and“when”isvagueaswell.Ratherthanbeingrootedinaparticulartimeandplace,thedetailservesasabroadconclusiontotheversecontent.
Listchoruseshavequiteadifferentfunction.Theyalsoassignpurposeandvaluetopreviousexternaldetail,buttheydoitthroughsnapshotsofexternaldetail,likethehighlightsofthestory.Thechorusbelowisanexampleofalistchorus.
WehadpipesburstinginthedownstairsbathaleakintheroofandafreewayoutbackFridaynightsandabottleofwinewasallwecouldaffordButwehadafrontporchswingandasettingsunahandfulofhopeandtwoheartsfulloflovewewerelowerthanhighbuthigherthansomeandweweren’tkeepingscore
backwhenlifewasallwewerelivingfor
Listchorusesprovidelaundrylistsofconcreteimages,whileabstract/metaphoricalchorusesusefeelings,thoughts,andmetaphorstodrivemessageshome.
Inthepagesahead,we’llspendourtimewritingabstract/metaphoricalchoruses.Fromthere,thejumptolistchorusesdependsonmoreexternaldetailtogetthejobdone.Inbothcases,thestrengthofthesectionmostoftencomesdowntothecentralpoint,thetitle.
GREATTITLESAREBORN,NOTFOUND
Titlesdon’toftenjumpoutscreaming“Pickme,I’mobvious!”Titlescanbehardtocomeby,especiallythosethatareoriginalandspecific.
Butwedon’thavetoflyblind,hopingtoarriveatthebiggerpictureatjusttherightmomentinthesection.Wecanreturntoourten-stepstrategyanddestination-writeuntilthepurposeisborn.
Destinationwritingforchorusmaterialisdifferentthandestinationwritingforverses.Insteadofsense-boundmaterial,thistimewe’regoingtofocusoninternaldetail,thosethoughtsandfeelings.Thisdetailisthemeatandpotatoesofthechorus,spikedwithafewexternalideasforseasoning.Therearetwoimportantconsiderationswhendestinationwritingduringthechorusstage.First,we’llneedtowritefromfirstpersonpointofview,or“L”Writingfromanotherpointofviewmightkeepusdistancedfromouremotions.Second,weneedtoconsiderthetimeframe.Writingastheeventishappeningwilloftenresultinstrongeremotionsthanwritingabouttheeventafterithashappened.
Writeinfirstpersonpointofview.Writeastheeventishappening.
Theparagraphbelowiswrittenfromthekeyword“hotelroom.”BeforeI
Theparagraphbelowiswrittenfromthekeyword“hotelroom.”BeforeIbegindestinationwritingforthechorus,I’lldestination-writeusingthesixkeysofconnectionandentertainasmanysensesaspossible.Atthispoint,I’mjustgatheringideasandgettingintothescene:
KEYWORD:HotelRoom(Verse)
Iswipedmycardandwaitedforthelittlelighttoturngreen.ThedoorstuckslightlyandexhaledasIunsealedthevacuumandrolledmyluggagebehindmeintotheroom.Itsmelledmustyandold,eventhoughtherewasthenauseatingscentoflemoncleanerusedtodisinfectthebathroom.Nursinghomeshavethatsamesmell,mixedwiththetangofpermsolutionandinstantcoffee.IthoughtabouthowmuchImissedyou,howthiswouldallbebearableifyouwerehere.Butyou’renot.Thesoursmellmadethehairsinmynosecurl,andIfeltthecoldrushofair-conditionedairthathadundoubtedlybeencrankedonhightodispelthemoldinthecarpetandthedraperiesfleckedwiththegreasefromresidentsbeforemecookingtheirmeals.ThosewerethesamesmellsIcaughtrollingdownthehall,breathinginthestaleairthathunginthehallwaysfromlackofventilationandtheownerrefusingtospendmoneyonheatingandcoolingthesetransitionalareas....
Afterthisfirstdestinationwriting,wearereadytobegindestinationwritingagain,reachingforchorusmaterial.I’llwritewithmainlythoughtsandemotionsinmind,rememberingtousefirst-personperspectiveandcontinuingasiftheeventisstillhappening.Imaystartoutwithsomedescriptionandthenslowlyeaseintointernaldetail,lettingwhateverthoughtsandemotionsIcanimagineflowthroughtheendofmypen.
KEYWORD:HotelRoom(Chorus)
Islumpeddownonthebedandglancedatthealarmclock.Istillhadfivehoursbeforegoingtowork.Ifeltsooutofplacehere.Iwonderedwhatyouweredoingrightnow,ifyouwerethinkingofme.Maybeyouwerestuckintrafficorshovelingthesnowfromthewalkway,checkingyourwatchandcalculatingwhenmyflightwouldgetin.Maybeyouweretellingsomeoneaboutme,howwetalkaboutwhenthisjobendsandIdon’thavetospendmostofmyweeksontheroad.SometimesIwonderifthat’swhatkeepsusgoing.We’realwayslookingaheadtosomething,believingitwillcomebutneverreally
alwayslookingaheadtosomething,believingitwillcomebutneverreallyknowingwhen.Iwonderwhatwouldhappentousifitdid.IftomorrowIquitwoulditreallybeeverythingIthoughtitwouldbe?OrwouldIbeletdownknowingthatI’vejustgivenupthebesthopewe’vegot.Alwayshavetoleavesomethingaside,likeacatleavingalittlefood.Justincasetherecomesadaywhenthereisn’tanythingelse.Sowesavealittlebit,wehidealittlepieceofourselvestomakesureit’sgonnabealright.
NoticethatIdidn’tpreventimagesandexternaldetailstocomeoutwhenIthoughtofthem.IjustallowedideastoflowandtriedtocomebacktothoughtsandfeelingswheneverIrealizedIwasgettingofftrack.
NowthatIhavemyseconddestinationwriting,thenextstepistoisolatesomephrasesthatIlike.WhatI’mlookingforarephrasesthatresonatewithme—ideasthathavetheability,ifeversoslight,tostandaloneinthelimelightofthetitleline.
BelowI’velistedthephrasesthatcatchmyearsandeyes.
You’renotStuckintrafficLookingaheadtosomethingWhatkeepsusBelievingitwillcomeEverythingIthoughtLeavesomethingHidealittlepieceSometimesIwonderWhenthisjobendsIfitdidHowwetalkNeverreallyknowingThebesthopewe’vegotSavealittlebit
Sometimes,unlikelyphrasesturnouttobegreattitles.Sometimes,theydon’t.Unearthingoriginalideasthroughdestinationwritingwillalwaysyieldsomegreatlinesweneverwouldhavecomeacross,titlesornot.
greatlinesweneverwouldhavecomeacross,titlesornot.
Sowe’vegotsomephrasesforatitle,butwe’restillstaringataparagraphformofideasandhopingtobuildachorusoutofit.Thenextstepistoorganizemyphrasesintotwocolumns,externalandinternal,justaswedidwithourfirstdestinationwritingtoorganizeversematerial.Imightcreatetwocompletelynewcolumns,orImightjustaddthenewmaterialontotheoldcolumnstoarriveatevenmorerhymepossibilitiesandtogglingoptions.
External Internal
swipedmycard soursmell howmuchImissedyou
littlelight hairinmynosecurl
thiswouldallbebearable
turngreen coldrush you’renot
doorstuckslightly air-conditionedair
sometimesIwonder
exhaled crankedonhigh
stuckintraffic
unsealedthevacuum dispelthemold
lookingaheadtosomething
rolledmyluggage carpet
room draperiesflecked
whatkeepsus
mustyandold grease believingitwillcome
nauseatingscent residents everything
nauseatingscent residents everythingIthought
lemoncleanser cooking leavesomething
disinfect staleair hidealittlepiece
bathroom hallways whenthisjobends
nursinghomes lackofventilation
ifitdid
tangofpermsolution ownerrefusing
howwetalk
instantcoffee spendmoney
Ineverreallyknowing
healingandcooling thebesthopewe’vegot
savealittlebit
Fromthesetwoexpandedcolumns,wecanseethatsomerhymepairsmightbeend,ahead;thought,not,talk;bit,did;piece,leave.Andthosearejustwithinthenewinternalphraseideas.Asmorepairsemerge,moreideasforthedirectionofcontentwillemergealso.
POWERFULPOSITIONS
Beforewebegintogglingachorus,weneedtodecidewheretoplacethetitle.Thetitleisthepunchline.It’sthereasonwewrotethesong.Ineverychorus,
Thetitleisthepunchline.It’sthereasonwewrotethesong.Ineverychorus,therearestrongplacementpositionsforthatattention-grabbingphrase.Theplacementofthetitlecanmeanthedifferencebetweenanaudiencethatstayswithusforthesecondverseandanaudiencethatflipstotheoldieschannelinstead.Inchapter4,wetalkedaboutthelastlineofaversesectionthatgivestheexternaldetailvalue.Thatlineisoftenathoughtorfeelingline.Itisthesamewithchoruses.Thelineisapowerfulstatementbuiltaroundstrongmetaphorsorintensefeelingsthatgetrighttotheheartofthematter.Buttheirvalueisonlyworthwhattheirverseandprechorusareabletoawardthem.Alone,theycarryveryweakarguments.
Thechorussectiontypicallyoffersthreepositionsthatareperfectforthatone-in-a-millionmoment.Theyareattheback,thefront,andsometimesthemiddleofthechorus.Justasthepowerpositioninothersongsectionsistheclosinglineofthesection,thelastlineofthechorusalmostalwaysgetsthelimelight:
powerposition → Wehadpipesburstinginthedownstairsbath
aleakintheroofandafreewayoutback
Fridaynightsandabottleofwinewasallwecouldafford
Butwehadafront
porchswingandasettingsun
ahandfulofhopeandtwoheartsfulloflove
wewerelowerthanhighbuthigherthansome
andweweren’tkeepingscore
powerposition → backwhenlifewasallwewerelivingfor
Somechoruseshaveanadditionaltitlelinehalfwaythroughthechorus:
“LoveCanBuildaBridge”byJ.Jarvis,NaomiJudd,PaulOverstreet
powerposition → Lovecanbuildabridge
Betweenyourheartandmine
powerposition → Lovecanbuildabridge
Don’tyouthinkit’stime
Don’tyouthinkit’stime
Butthereisanotherimportantpositioninthechorus:thelinedirectlybeforethepowerposition.Itsjobistosetupthetitle.Moreoftenthannot,thatbodyguardtothetitlewillbethoughtandfeelingorientedaswell,ratherthansenseboundanddetailoriented.Justlikethepowerposition,thepurposeofthatlineistozoomouttoapointwherethewholelandscapeisviewable.Inthechorusbelow,thelinedirectlyprecedingthetitleisanabstractthoughtdetail:
Lovewon’ttakechancesanymoreitleavesanopendoorjustincasethefeelingfadesandlovedon’thavefaithanymoreitturnsandwalksawaydoesn’tevenstaysowhatdoesanybodybotherfallingforiflovewon’ttakechancesanymore?
You’llfindthatitisverydifficulttosetupthebigpictureusingthemicroscopiclensweuseforconcreteexternaldetail.Therevisionbelowchanges
microscopiclensweuseforconcreteexternaldetail.Therevisionbelowchangesthelinedirectlybeforethetitletoaconcreteexternaldetail.Theeffectisanawkwardmomentthatdoesverylittletosupportthebroadideaofthesong.
powerposition → Lovewon’ttakechancesanymore
itleavesanopendoor
justincasethefeelingfades
powerposition → andlovedon’thavefaithanymore
itturnsandwalksaway
doesn’tevenstay
itjustgetssweptunderthe
carpetsofthesefloors
powerposition → iflovewon’ttakechancesanymore
Thischaracteristicofzoomingoutwardforthepowerpositionsandtheirbodyguardsistrueforlistchorusesaswellasabstract/metaphoricalchoruses.
Greatchoruses,likeothersongsections,don’thavetobelongorcomplex.Sometimes,theyareassimpleasonelinerepeatingfourtimes.Othertimes,linestakendirectlyfromtheseconddestination-writingcometogethertocreateawholesectionofthoughtandfeelingphrases.Thechorusbelowiscomprisedofphrasesfrommyseconddestinationwriting,with“SometimesIWonder”asmytitle.
SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverend’cuzthere’ssomethingaboutneverreallyknowingthatmakesiteasiertolookaheadwouldwemakeitifitdid?SometimesIwonder
Ichosetosandwichthischoruswiththetitleonthefrontandbackofthesection.Icouldhavechosentoplacethetitleatthebeginningandmiddleofthesectioninstead:
SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverendAndsometimesIwonder
ifneverreallyknowingmakesiteasiertolookahead
Istillfeellikethelastlineishangingoutinnowhere,notstrongenoughtobringclosuretotheidea.SoI’llrepeatthetitlelinetocarrytheweightofthepowerposition:
SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverendAndsometimesIwonderifneverreallyknowingjustmakesiteasiertolookaheadSometimes!Iwonder
Icouldevenarrangeasimplefour-linechoruswiththetitlerepeatedinthefirstthreelines:
SometimesIwondersometimesIwondersometimesIwonderifthisjobwilleverend
Orifthelastlineseemstooweak,Icanrearrangethetitletositinitsplace:SometimesIwonderifthisjobwilleverendsometimesIwonderyeahsometimesIwonder
Beingflexibleenoughtocut,add,shorten,lengthen,andrearrangelinesarmsuswitheverythingweneedtoachievethelyricandmusicstructurewewant.Anyandallofthesechoruseswouldeffectivelyconveythe“why”ofasong.Theyonlyneedtopresentthoughtsandfeelingstovalidatetheexternaldetailspresentedintheprevioussongsections.
TOGGLINGACHORUSSECTION
Thesametechniquesoftogglingweappliedtoversescanbeappliedtochoruses.Infact,thepatternwechooseforthechoruswilloftenlookalittleliketheinverseoftheverse.(Interestinghowthatbitofwordplayworksout.)Forexample,ifourversehasatogglingpatternofEEIEEI,ourchorusmightbeIIEIII.(Whereverthetitlelineappears,itismostoftenmoreofaninternaldetail
IIEIII.(Whereverthetitlelineappears,itismostoftenmoreofaninternaldetailbecauseofitsabilitytosummarizeupthebroadoverviewofthesong.)Thepointtoremember,whenitcomestoabstract/metaphoricalchoruses,isthattheyareheavieroninternaldetailthanverses.Externaldetailisstillusefulingivingtheinternaldetailrelevancewithinthechorus.Butthedifferenceisthatinthechorussection,externaldetailmerelyrefocusestheabstractdetail,returningtothosethreeelementsofwhere,who,andwhenwhenevernecessary.Let’sseehowthisideaplaysoutinthechorusof“Won’tTakeChances.”
Lovewon’ttakechancesanymore I
itleavesanopendoor E
justincasethefeelingfades I
andlovedon’thavefaithanymore I
itturnsandwalksaway E
doesn’tevenstay I
sowhatdoesanybodybotherfallingfor I
iflovewon’ttakechancesanymore I
Lines2and5bothintroduceaconcreteimage,thoughusedasametaphor.Inthecaseofline2,it’sanopendoor,andinthecaseofline5,it’stheimageofturningandwalkingaway.Thetogglingpatternforthesecondthree-linegroupisamirrorimageofthepatternofthefirstthree-linegroup.Theexternaldetail,thoughnotasliteralandconcreteastheversedetail,isagreatwaytosparktinyvisualsandkeepsaltingthesteak.
Justlikeversesections,thetogglingpatternforchorusescanbeviewedastwohalves,eachamirrorimageoftheother.Thesametopicrulesthatapplytoothersectionsapplytochorusesaswell.
EXERCISE7.1.ToggleaChorusPracticerearrangingthelinesbelowintoafour-,five-,andsix-linechorus.Trythefollowingtogglingpatterns:TTIT,ITIT,TITI,IIIT,IIITT,IITIIT.
Ican’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeit’sjustamysteryLovemakesnosense
PossibleAnswers:
TTITLovemakesnosenseLovemakesnosenseit’sjustamysteryLovemakesnosenseITITThewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosenseIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosenseTITILovemakesnosenseIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosensethewayyoulookatmeIIITIcan’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosenseIIITTIcan’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosense
LovemakesnosenseIITIITThewayyoulookatmesometimesit’ssointenseLovemakesnosenseIt’sjustamysteryIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosense
FOUR-STEPCHORUSES
Weknowhowtocomeupwithchorusmaterial,howtoexcavateatitle,andwheretopositionthetitleinachorus.Buthowdoweputthoseideastogether?Howdowearriveatsomanychoruspossibilitiesfromjustafewchosenphrases?
I’mgoingtobreakdowntheprocesshereusingthesamestepsweusedforverses.
Step1.Destination-writewiththoughtsandfeelingsThefirststepistodestination-write,beginningwithoneofyouroriginalsense-bounddestinationwritings.Forthechorus,thismeansfocusingonthoughtsandfeelingsinsteadofimagesandclosedetail.
Step2.Parenthesizechorusphrases,andlistpotentialtitlesNext,rereadthedestinationwritingandparenthesizeanyphrasesthatresonatewithyou.Anythingthatpopsoutasatitlecontenderwillemergeatthispoint.Besuretoidentifylinesthatcanbeshortenedintotwosmallerphrases.Trytocompilealistoftenormorephrases,thenaddthemtotheoriginalexternalandinternalcolumns.
Step3.LookforrhymepairsNowjustaswedidwithourinitialversecontentcolumns,lookforrhymesbetweenthenewphrases.Ifyoufindyou’relackinginrhyme,addintheinternalcolumnfromtheoriginaldestinationwriting.Thenexplorerhymepairsbetweentheexternalandnewadditionstotheinternalcolumn.
Step4.Chooseatogglepatternandrhymescheme,andpluginphrasesNowyou’rereadytochooseatogglingpatternandrhymeschemeandbeginplugginginthephrases.Whereyoufindyouaremissingalinetocompletethetogglepatternorrhymescheme,looktoyourexistingphrasesforcontentideas.Rememberthattosharpentheconversationalqualityofthechorus,weonlyneedtoemploythoseusefulconjunctionsandprepositionswetalkedabout.
Topracticetheprocessoftoggling,it’shelpfultotryyourchoruswithmultipletogglingpatterns.Tryafour-linesection,andthenexpandittosixlines.Trythetitleatthefrontandback,thenonlyattheback.Addaseventhlinetoasix-linesectionjustbeforethetitlerepeats,orrepeatthetitleastheseventhlineattheend.Flexibilityisthekey,asyouexperimentwithyourphrases.
EXERCISE7.2.,ChorusPracticePracticewritingafewchorusesofyourown.Chooseanydestinationwritingandfollowsteps1through4ofthischaptertowriteyourchorus.Combineyourphrasesusinganytogglepatternandrhymeschemeyoufeelproducesthestrongestchorussection.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
SixpenceNonetheRicher,“KissMe”JamesTaylor,“SweetBabyJames”TimMcGraw,“SomethingLikeThat”TomPetty,“FreeFalling”
ChapterSummary
1.Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailpurposeandvalue.2.Thetwotypesofchorusesareabstract/metaphoricalandlist.3.Thethreemostcommonplacementsforthetitlearethefirstline,lastline,andmiddleofthechorus.4.Thejobofthelinedirectlybeforethetitleistosetupthetitle.
CHAPTER8Contrast
THEBOREDOMBLOCKER
Asyou’retogglingaway,I’dliketotakeamomenttodwellonanimportantpartofchoosingapatternandrhymescheme.Whetherwe’reawareofitornot,whenwewrite,wechoosearhythm,arhymescheme,andatogglingpattern.Evenwhenwedriftcreativelyfromsectiontosection,wearesettlingonalengthandpatternthatjustfeelsright.Butwhataboutthosetimeswhenitdoesn’tfeelright?Whatdowedowhenthesongjustisn’tmovinginthedirectionwe’dlike,andouraudiencehasdriftedbacktotheirasparagussalad?
Howwechooseourtogglepatterndoesn’thavetobechance.Infact,it’softenbetterifitisn’t.Whenwetakecontroloverthestructureoursectionstake,wealsotakecontrolovertheirindividuality.Wecanchoosetomakethesectionssoundidenticalinrhymescheme,rhythm,andtogglepattern,orwecanchoosetocreatecontrastbetweenthesongsectionsbystructuringthemdifferently.Varyingthesedifferentaspectsofasectionyieldsfreshnessandnewreasonforourlistenerstopayattention.Thatdifferenceinstructureiscalled“contrast.”Ittellsourearsthatnewcontentisbeingdeliveredandrefocusesourabilitytoreceivethemainpurposeofthesong.Inshort,itkeepsusfrombecomingbored.
THEIMPORTANCEOFCONTRAST
Imagineifeverysectionofasonghadthesamenumberoflines,thesamerhymescheme,thesamerhythm,andthesametogglingpattern.Itwouldbepredictableatbest,andinfinitelyboring.Justaswecanplancontentusingtechniquesliketoggling,wecanplanthestructureofthesongwithcontrastinmind.
Thereareafewwaystoprovidecontrast.Inthischapter,we’llfocusonfourmajorways:
1.Changingtherhymescheme2.Changingtherhythm3.Changingthenumberoflines4.Changingthetogglingpattern
I’mgoingtohavetogobacktomynurseryrhymeaboutMaryandherlittlelamb.Whatifweweretowriteanewsectionthatcontrastedwiththeold?Howwouldweensurethatitsoundnewandnotjustcontinuethemonotonysofar?
wouldweensurethatitsoundnewandnotjustcontinuethemonotonysofar?Let’sapplysometechniquesofcontrasttodesignachorus:
MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowandeverywherethatMarywentthelambwassuretogoLaughing,playinghiding,strayingnooneeverhadsuchfunskipping,runningspinning,tumblingfriendsasbestasbestfriendscome
Whatwehavehereisasix-linesection.Butyou’llnotice,asyoureaditdown,thattherhythmhasalsochanged.Beginningwithline1,thenewrhythmprovidesanimmediatesignalthatnewmaterialhasarrived.Therhymeschemehasalsochanged.InthenewsectiontheschemeisAABCCB,contrastingwithXAXAoftheversesection.Thecombinationofusingbothrhythmandrhymecreatesaboldercontrastthanjustoneofthesetoolsalone.
Thechorusismostoftenthepointofhighestintensityinasong.Themelodyoftenreachesitspeak,theharmoniestendtosettleontotheirrootforms,andwhateverlyricalpointwe’redrivingatcomestoaconclusion.Whenwechooseourtogglepatternsandrhymeschemesforthechorussection,wecandeliberatelychoosethosethatcontrastwiththeonesusedintheverseandprechorussections,optimizingthepowergiventoourchorus.Verysimply,ifourverseconsistsoffourlines,wemightchooseasix-linepatternforourchorus.Ifourverseconsistsofsixlinesfollowedbyatwo-lineprechorus,ourchorusmightbeafour-linepattern.Whateverwechoose,itisonlyimportantthatthenewpatternbringsfreshnessandrenewedattentiontothesong.
CONTRASTANDTOGGLING
Solet’sseehowthesetoolsplayoutwhenwe’replanningoursongstructure.Inchapter5,wetalkedabouthowlyricsandmusicbondwithphrasing.Theyareeachmadeupofphrasesthatdictaterhymeandstructure.Whenamusicalphrasecloses,thelyricalphraseshouldalsoclose.
Considerafour-linesectionofEIEI.Let’ssaythatsectionalsohasarhymeschemeofABAB.Let’salsoassumethatsectionisafirstverse.
schemeofABAB.Let’salsoassumethatsectionisafirstverse.
Verse1:
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
Nowlet’ssaywe’regoingtowriteaprechorusthatintroducesanewtopic.Ourfirstinclinationistokeepplayingandsingingwiththesamelovelyrhythmandmelodywe’vesettledonforthefirstverse.However,wewanttokeepouraudienceontheedgeoftheirseats,andasimplewaytodothatistotakethemawayfromwhat’spredictable.So,let’sfirsttrytochangethenumberoflinesofthesection.Wecanchooseanynumberoflinesbutfourfortheprechorus:eitherone,two,three,five,orevensixlines.Sincethissectionissupposedtocreateabuildintothechorus,weprobablydon’twantitlongerthantheverse,solet’schooseeitherone,two,orthreelines.Here’swhatwe’vegot:Verse1:
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
Prechorus:
Line ?
Line ?
Line ?
Next,let’stryalteringtherhymeschemeandrhythm.InsteadofABAmatchingthefirstthreelinesoftheverse,we’llchooseAAAorAAB.We’llalso
matchingthefirstthreelinesoftheverse,we’llchooseAAAorAAB.We’llalsochangetherhythmofthelinestomakesurethey’reshorterinlengththanthoseoftheverse:Prechorus:
LineShortened A
LineShortened A
LineShortened B
Last,let’schooseatogglingpattern.Rememberthatthepowerpositionisoftenathoughtorfeelingline,solet’schooseEEIorEll,IEI,orevenIII:
Prechorus:
InternalDetail A
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
Wecanusethesameprocesswhenitcomestothechorusandbridge.Onlythistime,wemaybeabletoreturntothefour-lineschemeforthechorushavinghadaprechorustotakeouraudienceawayfromthepredictable.
Whenwe’recreatingcontrast,it’simportanttorememberthatthesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.IfwesimplyfollowaverseofABABwithaprechorusofABA,thesubtractionofalinewon’tappeartohaveanyeffectuntilthebeginningoftheomittedfourthline.But,ifwefollowthatsectionofABABwithtwolonglinesofAAorthreeshortlinesofXAA,contrastbeginsimmediatelyinthatnewsection.
Wedon’thavetoemployallfourwayssimultaneouslyeverytimewewanttoachievecontrast.Justchoosingoneortwoatatimecanprovideallthefreshnessweneedtokeepthesonginteresting.
Thesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.
EXERCISE8.1.ContrastinActionChooseatogglingpatternforthenewsectionthatcontrastswiththecurrentpattern.Useanynumberorcombinationofthefourwaystocreatecontrast.
■Changingtherhymescheme■Changingtherhythm■Changingthenumberoflines■Changingthetogglingpattern
Example1
Verse1:
ExternalDetail X
ExternalDetail A
ExternalDetail X
InternalDetail A
Prechorus:
Chorus:
InternalDetail A
InternalDetail A
Title T
InternalDetail B
InternalDetail B
Title T
Example2
Verse1:
ExternalDetail
X
ExternalDetail
X
InternalDetail
A
ExternalDetail
X
ExternalDetail
X
InternalDetail
A
Prechorus:
InternalDetailLengthened
A
InternalDetailLengthened
A
Lengthened
Chorus:
Example3
Chorus:
Title T
Title T
InternalDetail
X
Title T
Bridge:
(RepeatChorus)
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
BenFolds,“StillFightingIt”Mike&theMechanics,“TheLivingYears”BrianAdams,“Summerof’69”
BrianAdams,“Summerof’69”MarcCohn,“WalkinginMemphis”
ChapterSummary
1.Therearefourmajorwaystoachievecontrast:•changetherhymescheme•changetherhythm•changethenumberoflines•changethetogglingpattern
2.Thesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.
CHAPTER9TheContentCompass
IDEASTHATSIMPLIFY
Sofar,we’vetalkedabouthowtograbourlistenerswithintensedetail,andhowtobringthatdetailtoapointbywritingachorusthatgivesthedetailvalue.We’vealsoidentifiedthecriticalpowerpositionsofsongsections.Inthischapter,we’llintegratesteps5,8,and9intoour10-stepprocess.Thesethreestepsinvolvetheprogressionofthestory.Aswetalkaboutthevariousoptions,we’lllookforcluesthathelpusdecidewhichdetailsbelongwhere.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality
PYRAMIDING
OurfirstcluetoorganizingsongcontentcomesfromaprocessIcall“pyramiding.”
Pyramidingdescribestheprogressionofasongideafromnarrowtobroad,fromzoomedintozoomedout.Wecanthinkofpyramidingintermsofourcameralensmetaphor,orwecanvisualizetheideaofpyramidingliketheshapeofaChristmastree.Eachsectionofthesongutilizespyramidingonasmallscale,whiletheoverallstructureofthesongutilizespyramidingonalargescale.
Imagineeachofthethreetierswasasongsectionwiththetoptieraverse,themiddletieraprechorus,andthebottomtierachorus.Wecanseethatthelastlineofeachsectionisbroaderinscopethanthefirstlineofthatsection.Thiscorrespondswiththeideathatthelastlineisaninternaldetail—athoughtandfeelingline.Itsjobistozoomoutandgiveallthepreviousdetailvalue.Wecanalsoseethatthetitleline,likelythelowestlimbofthetree,isthebroadest.Aseachsectionprogresses,thescopeofthesongbecomesbroader,untilthetitlelineconcludesthesongpurpose.
Whatthismeansforusaswritersissometrickswecankeepupoursleeves.Ateveryjunctionofoursongsections,wecanreferbacktoourtreeandconsiderwhetherornotourcontentismovinginthetree-shapeddirection.Ifattheendsofoursections,ourcontentisrefocusingtoexternaldetail,wearelackingtherelationshipofthedetailtothemainmessageofthesong.Orifwebeginasectionwithtoomuchlandscapeinview,weareunabletobroadenthecontentfurtherbytheendofthesection,andwearenotcreatingastrongenoughexperience.Ifourchorusseemstozoominfurtherthanourversesections,wemaybehavingtroubleconvincingourlisteneritisthemainmessageofthesong.Keepingthetreeshapeinmindservesasaguideforthegeneralandspecificprogressionsofoursongidea.
EXERCISE9.1.PyramidinginActionChoosethreeofyourfavoritesongs.Explaininyourownwordsifandhowpyramidingappearsintheverseandchorussections,aswellastheoverallshapeofthesong.
PLOTPROGRESSION
OneplacidmorninginJuly,IwascreepingalonganL.A.freewaylisteningtothelatestpopmusichits.Duringoneparticulardrive-timeditty,itoccurredtomethatIcouldactuallyusethesesongstogetoutofthecurrentwriter’sblockIwasin.Besidesbeingcatchy,theytendtouseaformatthathastimeandagainproventosatisfyourstructuralneeds.Thecontentofeachsectioncanbesummarizedbyashortdescriptionandappliedtootherideasandstillwork.Thoughtherearevariationsontheseformats,theyserveasexcellentmodelsfromwhichtostartbuildingourownmasterpieces.
Let’slookatwhatthiskindofcontentallboilsdownto.
CommonPlotProgression
Thesecondhalfofthesongmaygoontofollowaformatlikethis:
Thebridgethattypicallyfollows,ifthereisone,oftenanswersthisquestion:
Nowlet’sseehowthatappliestoasonglyric.
“Breakaway”byBridgetBenenate,MatthewGerrard,AvrilLavigne
Verse1:GrewupinasmalltownandwhentherainwouldfalldownI’djuststareoutmywindow
dreamingofwhatcouldbeandifI’denduphappy
IwouldprayVerse2:TryinghardtoreachoutButwhenIdtrytospeakoutFeltlikenoonecouldhearme
WantedtobelonghereButsomethingfeltsowronghere
SoI’dprayIcouldbreakaway
Chorus:I’llspreadmywingsandI’lllearnhowtoflyI’lldowhatittakes’tilItouchthesky
AndI’llmakeawishTakeachanceMakeachangeAndbreakaway
OutofthedarknessandintothesunButIwon’tforgetalltheonesthatIlove
I’lltakeariskTakeachanceMakeachangeAndbreakaway
verse3:WannafeelthewarmbreezeSleepunderapalmtreeFeeltherushoftheoceanGetonboardafasttrain
Travelonajetplane,faraway(Iwill)Andbreakaway[Chorus]
Bridge:BuildingswithahundredfloorsSwingingaroundrevolvingdoors
MaybeIdon’tknowwherethey’lltakemebutGottakeepmovingon,movingon
Flyaway,breakaway
[Chorus]
Thisfirstversecontainsdetailsaboutaspecificevent,time,orplace.Thosedetailsareallfocusedaroundonecentralidea:mainly,theproblemindetail.
Afterthefirstverse,weenterintotheprechorus.Thesetwolinesarecriticalinsettingupthechorussectioncontent.Theybegthequestion,“Istherehope?Doesithavetobethisway?”Thisisespeciallytrueofthelastlineoftheprechorus,“Icouldbreakaway.”
Thechorusthenfollowswithatitledescribingwhat“different”wouldlooklike:“I’llspreadmywingsandI’lllearnhowtofly.”Thechorussectiondeclarestheanswertoourprechorusquestionanddescribeswhat“different”wouldfeellike.
Versesthatfollowthechorusinthistypeofplotprogressionoftendescribewhatthefuturewilllooklike,involvingmoreexternaldetail.Here,KellyClarksonsingsaboutwhatshedesiresforthefuture—howshevisualizestheyearsahead.Thentheprechorusfollows,askingagainifitcanindeedeverbethatway.Aswehitthechorusforthesecondtimearound,we’vegainedintensity,gatheringamoredetailedpictureofwhatfinallybreakingawaymightlookandfeellike.Thebridgesectioninthisplotprogressiontypeprovidescontrast.Ittakesusoffofourhighforjustamoment,examiningthestrugglesthatwillhavetobeovercome.Bridgesliketheseareespeciallypowerfulbecausetheyaddnewdimensiontothechorus,exclaimingthatnomatterwhatthestruggles,thesingerwillsurvive.
Whetherfollowingthissongformatexactlyorjustusingitasastartingpointtoorganizecontent,wecanbeassuredthattheverseswillcarryenough“evidence”tosupportthe“claims”ofourchorus.Furthermore,itcansimplifythesongwritingprocessandhelpkeepouraudiencerighttherewithusateverynewidea.
Thereisanotherwaywecandescribetheprogressionofoursongcontent.Wecanfocusontheelementof“when.”Themostobvioususeof“when”istheprogressionofeachsectionofthesongalongatimeline.Withthisstrategy,thefirstversemaydescribeanevent,suchastwopeoplemeetingandfallinginlove.Thesecondversemaydescribetheirweddingandthebirthoftheirchild.Thenthelastversemightprogresstothechildgrownup,repeatingthecycleofmeetingandfallinginlovewithsomeoneelse.Thisstrategyissometimeseffective,butoftenfallsshortofcreatingareallybelievableexperienceforthelistener.Theamountofdetailthatcanbeincludedissmallwhensomuchtime
listener.Theamountofdetailthatcanbeincludedissmallwhensomuchtimemustpasswithineachsection.Whatresultsisasortofcookie-cutterlyric,predictableforthelistenerandyieldingfeweroriginalideasforthewriter.
AdifferentstrategythatIfindmorehelpfulistoconsiderthethreetimeframesasaninstigatorforcontent:thepast,thepresent,andthefuture.Forexample,Imightbeginmyfirstverseaboutthefuture,describingthewaymymaincharacter,orI,wouldlikethingstobe.Thechorusthatfollowsmightcontrastthatwithadescriptionofthepresent,thewaythingsare.TheninthenextverseIcanmovemymaincharacterbackintothepast,givingthelistenerbackgroundonwherehe/she/Icamefrom.Thechorusfollowsagainwiththewaythingsarenow.Finallyinthebridge,IcanmakeamoreglobalstatementabouthowthingsmightstarttochangeandbecomethatfutureofwhichIdream.Ultimately,IonlyneedtobeawareofwhichtimeframeIhavewrittenmyfirstversein.Then,Icanchooseoneoftheothertwotimeframestomoveintoforthenextsection.
Byusingtheseprogressionpossibilitiesasprompts,youcanorganizeandpaceyourcontentforthegreatestpossiblepayoff.
Ineffectiveplotprogressions,thereismotiveforwritingthesongthatgivesitpurpose.Sometimesthatmotiveispresentedintheformofaproblemthatwillberesolved.Sometimesthatmotiveispresentedasacontrastbetweenthewaythingsareandthewaywe’dlikethingstobe.Eitherway,thecontrastgivesthesongamoresignificantreasonforhavingbeenborn.Italsogivesouraudienceasignificantreasontolistentowhatwehavetosay.
EXERCISE9.2.ApplyingPlotProgressionsDecidehowtheplotprogressesineachsongbelow.Explainhowthatparticularprogressioniseffectiveinconnectingwiththelistener.
“HowItGoes”
Verse1:SoI’mstandingintheplaceIstartedfromintheroomIspentmylifeescapingfromwithapainteddresserandasinglebedandcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdressVerse2:WellIknowI’mnotthekidIusedtobebutIwonderhowIcamesofarfrommeIdidn’tknowthatIwasgrowinguptillIlookedbackandthenthedoorwasshut...but
Chorus:That’showitgoeswhenyou’refightingforsurvivalyeahIguessthat’sjusthowitiswhenyou’redestinedforsomethinggoodbutwekillourselvestryingtobuildourselvesintosomeonewithsomethingmorewhenthetruthiswewerefinebefore
Verse3:Wegrowupwithaplanofwhat’sgonnabeandweslowlycometotermswithrealitythenwegetangryorwejustgonumb
andspendourthirtiesgettingbacktoone...but(Chorus)
Bridge:NoIwon’tletthesetearsofminefallandforgetwheretheygoWitheveryyearthatpassesbyI’llcomefurtherintomyintomyown(Chorus)
“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin”’
Verse1:TheTVisflashingitblursinthebackgroundassheclearstheplatesoffthetableandsighsatthedishesthenslipsoutapicturetapedbythecupboarddoorhandle
Prechorus:It’sjustsand,surf,andairandshedon’tknowwhereshejustlikeshowthewavesseemtotumble
Chorus:Whenshethinksaboutleavingthat’swhereshegoestoaplaceshecanbreatheandthefuture’sunknowneveryoneneedssomewherefarofftogososhethinksaboutleavingbutthat’sallsheneedstocomehome
Verse2:OnMondaysthruFridaysit’sschoolbooksandlunchbagsandmovingthreekidstothebusstopThencellphoneandbriefcaseakissinthedrivewayandwatchwhilehiscarroundsthestreetblockPrechorus:Andit’sallthatshehopedandit’slessandit’smorebutit’sfarfromherownprivateEden
Bridge:Sometimessheclingstothesheetsontheirbedandsinksintheplacewherehesleepsandstaresatthepicturesofthemandtheirkidsandfeelssomuchjoythatsheweeps(RepeatChorus)
“Kaleidoscope”
Verse1:IwentwalkinglatethiseveningwonderingifIshouldstaywithyouandinthesilenceofthestreetlightsIfiguredoutwhatIshoulddo
Prechorus:AllofmylifeI’vebeenchangingtowhateveryonewantsmetobe
Chorus:ButnotanymoreI’mlettinggoI’mnotgonnabeakaleidoscopeI’msavingmylifeorwhat’slefttoloseandtakingitbackfromyouIwasafraidofsomekindofchangebutnotanymore
Verse2:IwaswaitingforlifetohappenthoughtitbeganwithsomeoneelseIthoughttheanswersweresomewhereouttherebutthey’reinsideofmyself
Prechorus:You’dneverbelieveallthecolorsthatspunmeandspunmearound
(Chorus)
Verse3:Beenshatteredandscatteredtopiecesdeniedthemandliedtheywereme
(Chorus)
FUNCTIONSOFTHESECONDVERSE
Manywritersexpressdifficultywhenitcomestowritingsecondversesandbridges.Ihavepersonallybeenknowntoavoidbridgesatallcosts,sparingmyselfthefrustrationofsuchadelicatesection.But,sadly,sometimestheyareneeded,andthatsecondverseafterthefirstchorus—well,it’salmostneveroptional.
Agreatbenefitofstayingdetailedinthefirstverseisthateverythinghasn’talreadybeensaidbythesecondverse.Thereisawholeworldofplacestoexploreafterthatfirstchorus,especiallyifwe’vestucktoaplotprogression.
Secondverseshavesomecommoncharacteristicswecanrevertbacktowheneverwe’reindoubt.Theyoftencontainabroaderpicturethanthefirstverse.
Rememberpyramidingonalargescale?Here’swhereitcomesintoplay.Secondverseszoomoutinrespecttofirstversesandarenotnecessarilysetinspecificeventsortimeframes.Let’slookatthedifferencebetweenverses1and2below,ofthesong“LoveWon’tTakeChances.”
Verse1:MydadproposedtoMommaupatFallCreekFallsinoneweektheysignedthepapersdownatCityHallandDadstilllikestojokehewastooyoungthentoknow
buthestillcomesrunnin‘whenshecalls
(Chorus)
Verse2:IknewthatyouneededmetosayitfirstandIwasstillsomadIbarelymouthedthewordsButit’sanincrediblethingwhatforgivenessbringsevenwhenwe’vesunkdowntoourworst
Thissecondversecontainsmoreabstractmaterialinlines3through5thanverse1.Thefirsttwolinesjustsetthestagewith“who”and“when.”Thesecondchoruswillthentakeondeepermeaning,notbecauseofanyspecificeventthatisdescribed,butbecauseoftheinternalthoughtsandfeelingsthatbroadenthepurposeofthesong.Aswriters,bythesecondverse,we’resortofletoffthehookintermsofincludingexternaldetail.Allthoseimagesinthefirstverseandthesenseof“who,”“where,”and“when”havealreadycreatedaframeworkfromwhichourlistenercanrelatetohowwefeel.Aslongasthefirstverselaidthatstrongfoundation,wecanrideonthewingsofitsconnectingpower.
CommonCharacteristicsofSecondVerses:•Moreheavilyinternal•Deepenthemeaningofthechorus
Sometimes,theverseafterthefirstchorusstillcontinuesexternaldetailtorefocusthelistener’sattention.Inthesong“WhenIt’sOver,”thisverseprovidesasnapshotofaneventlikethefirstandsecondverses,movingbackintimeandsheddingmorelightonthestory.
“WhenIt’sOver”
Verse1:TherearetrashcansbydrivewaysandlawnchairsinsnowthereareChristmaslightshangingfromsixweeksagotherearedogbarksandstalledcarsbutallthatIfeelhereiscoldIshouldgo
Prechorus:butI’mstoppedinyourdrivewaythecarinreverseandallIhavetodoisrolldowntothecurbbut
Chorus:I,Idon’tknowmuchaboutwalkingawaybutIknowwhenit’soverandI,don’tknowwhenlovebeginstochangebutIknowwhenit’sover
Verse2:Therewaschangeonthedressertherewereclothesonthebedtherewasnothingunusualbutthat’showlovegetsandwejustletitgountilwecouldn’tsavewhatwasleftnowhereIam
Prechorus:I’mstoppedinyourdrivewaythecarinreverseIdon’twanttoleavebutIdon’twanttohurt...’cuz(Chorus)
Byeithermovingtothepastorthefutureforthesecondverse,wecanaddvaluableinformationthatwillrecolorthemeaningofournextchorus.Followingtheplotprogressionstrategyisonegreatwaytoachievethis.
FUNCTIONSOFTHEBRIDGE
Whenitcomestobridges,we’vereallygottobringthemessagetoaclimax.Theultimatesectiontorecolor,rekindle,rediscover,andunravelmysteryisinthat
ultimatesectiontorecolor,rekindle,rediscover,andunravelmysteryisinthatbridge.Hereareafewcommoncharacteristicsofbridges:•Providecontrastusingrhymescheme,rhythm,numberoflines,and/ortogglingpatternwiththeothersongsections•Providenewmeaningtothelastchorus•Resolveanissueoreventwithinthecontentofthesong
Thebridgeof“WhenIt’sOver”usesallofthesecharacteristicstotieupthemeaningofthesong.Itconsistsoftwolonglines,offersanewrhythm,utilizesasimpleAArhymescheme,andprovidesnewmeaningtothesongbysayingthatdespitethepain,thesingerhasheartthatsomedaythepurposewillbecomeclear:
Bridge:IknowthatsomethingsjustruntheircourseandsomedayI’llknowwhatthehurtwasfor
Whateverourstory,theoverallmessageofthebridgetrumpsthatofthechorusandcertainlytheverses,leadingtheaudiencebackintothelastchoruslikeacaravanintothesettingsun.
EXERCISE9.3.IdentifyingFunctionsInasinglesentence,describethefunctionsofthebridgeandverseafterthefirstchorusoftendifferentsongs.Howdotheyadheretotheplotprogressionsinthischapter?Howdotheydiffer?Howmightyourewritetheprogressionofcontenttostrengthenthesong?
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
WhitneyHouston,“Didn’tWeAlmostHaveItAll”MichelleBranch,“TuesdayMorning”KellyClarkson,“AMomentLikeThis”Judds,“LoveCanBuildaBridge”MatchboxTwenty,“RealWorld”
ChapterSummary
1.Pyramidingdescribestheprogressionofasongideafromnarrowtobroad,fromzoomedintozoomedout.2.Wecanusecommonplotprogressionstoorchestratethecontentofourownsongs.3.Thecharacteristicsofasecondverseare:•Utilizesinternaldetail•Deepensthemeaningofthechorus
4.Thecharacteristicsofabridgeare:•Providescontrast•Providesnewmeaningtothelastchorus•Resolvesanissueoreventwithinthecontentofthesong
CHAPTER10FinalTouches
THEFIRSTDRAFTPHYSICAL
Withsomanyideasstarted,it’stimetostartgettingaccustomedtorewriting.Thelaststepofourten-stepprocesswillfine-tuneourlyric’sabilitytocreateastrongexperience.We’llshiftbetweendifferenttensesandpointsofview,andimprovetheconversationalqualityofthelyricaseasilyaswechangehats.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality
Ifyou’vebeendestination-writingeveryday,youhavesomegreatfirstdraftstoworkwith.Herearesometoolstooilthegearsandtakethosedraftstothenextlevel.
Youalreadyknowfromyourdestinationwritingthatverbsholdthekeytoconnection.Youalsoknowthateachofthethreeelementsof“who,”“where,”and“when”helptocreateconnectioninthatfirstverseofyoursong.Inthischapter,we’lllookathowwhatyouknowcanhelpyourewrite,andwe’llalsoaddinsomeexercisesdealingwithtense.Somesimplealterationsandtheabilitytostayflexiblewillshineallthedullareas.
VERBSGETALLTHEACTION
Inthefirstfewchaptersofthisbook,wetalkedaboutspecificandgenericverbs.Specificverbshavetheabilitytovaultourlistenersintoourworld,emotionsandall.Genericverbsleaveouraudiencedisconnected—ourtunesasmemorableaswhattheyatelastnightfordinner.
Aswerewrite,ourgoalwillbetoidentifyandstrengtheneachverbinthelyric.Asyoupassovereachverb,considerwhetheritishelpingtoemphasize
lyric.Asyoupassovereachverb,considerwhetheritishelpingtoemphasizetheemotionyouwanttoevoke,orifit’sjusttakingupspaceinthephrase.
EXERCISE10.1.VerbAlternativesForeachphrase,findatleastfiveverbalternativesthatcaptureastronger,morespecificemotion.
Example:Herwholebodymovedasshewept.
Verbalternatives:Shook,pulsed,contracted,cringed,collapsed
Youtryit:
ThedoorclosedandIknewshewasgone.
Verbalternatives:
Thecat’sclawsstucktothecarpet.
Verbalternatives:
Shestoopeddowntogatherherdirtylaundry.
Verbalternatives:
Applythisprocesstoyourownsongsbyidentifyingeachverbinyourfirstdrafts.Substitutesomealternatives,andlistentothedifferencetheymakeinthestrengthofyourstory.
POINTOFVIEW
Sometimes,weunconsciouslyassumeapointofviewwhenwewrite,butsometimesitisintentional.Whateverpointofviewweuse—firstperson,directaddress,orthirdpersonnarrator—itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesong.Youmayfindthatyou’veused“he/she”inyourfirstverse,and“you”inyourprechorus.Ineffect,yourrolehaschangedfromthirdpersoninverse1todirectaddressintheprechorus.Theproblemisthatyouraudienceisnowunclearwhothesubjectofthesongis,andoneofthosethreeimportantelementsisgone:
thesubjectofthesongis,andoneofthosethreeimportantelementsisgone:“who.”Anytimeyouraudienceisdistractedby“how”you’resinging,they’renotpayingattentionto“what”you’resinging.Makingsureyourrolestaysthesamefromthefirstlinetothelastensuresthegreatestpossibilityofconnection.
EXERCISE10.2.JustOnePointofViewidentifywherethepointofviewchangesinthelyricsbelow,andrewritetocorrecttheproblem.
Example1:“LoveWon’tTakeChancesAnymore”
Verse:MydadproposedtoMommaupatOldCreekFallsinoneweektheysignedthepapersdownatCityHallandDadstilllikestojokehewastooyoungthentoknowbuthestillcomesrunnin’whenshecalls
Prechorus:SometimesIwonderhowyoueverpulledthroughwhensomanytrybutfeweverdo
Example2:“Colin’sSong”
Verse1:ColindrovetoConeyIslandandboughtatickettoaridethoughtheneededsomethingviolenttoscarehimaliveVerse2:Soyouclimbedintoaboxcarandwatchedthegroundrunoutbelowhewasdyingtofeelsomethingoutofcontrol
TENSE
Inchapter6,weexperimentedwith“when”andfoundthatitplaysanextremely
Inchapter6,weexperimentedwith“when”andfoundthatitplaysanextremelycriticalroleinhelpingourlistenergetonboardwithourstory.Thatmeansthatwhatevertensewechoose,wejustneedtostayconsistentthroughoutthesection.Buttenseoffersanotherusefulsideeffectoutsideofdeterminingpast,present,orfuture.Tensecanofferflexibility,addingortakingawaysyllablestofitamelodyordesiredrhythm.Sometimes,moresyllablesareneededtomatchamelodicorrhythmicphrase,andplayingwithtensecanstretchthelineouttofillthosespaces.Sometimes,changingthetenseomitstongue-twistingprepositionsandconjunctions.Eachsituationisdifferent,soit’simportanttoknowyouroptions.
Inthefollowingexercises,you’llbeabletopracticeswitchingbetweentensestoachieveadifferentwayofsayingthesamething.Applythesedifferentvariationstoyourownlyrics,experimentingwithpast,present,andfuture.
EXERCISE10.3.PlayingwithTenseRewriteeachsectionbelow.Ifthesectionisinpresenttense,rewriteitinpasttenseandagaininfuturetense.Ifthesectionisinpasttense,rewriteitinfutureandagaininpresenttense,etc.
*Hint:Youmayneedtoaddaconjunctionorprepositiontomakethetensework.
Section1:Iwaswalkingonthebeachwiththesandundermyfeetandtheskylikeastageabovemyhead
PresentTense:
FutureTense:
PossibleAnswers:
Iwalkonthebeach(or)Iwillwalkalongthebeach
Section2:WhenyoutoldmeyouwouldleavesomewheredeepwithinmymindIstilldidn’tquitebelieveyoumeantitthistime
PresentTense:
FutureTense:
PossibleAnswers:WhenyoutellmeyouwillleaveIstilldon’tquitebelieveyoumeanitthistime
Section3:SinkinglikeasaucerinawarmEgyptianskythesunlaysdownitsarmorandgivesintothenight
PastTense:
FutureTense:
PossibleAnswers:ItsunkjustlikeasaucerinawarmEgyptianskythesunlaiddownitsarmorandgaveintothenight
Evenbetter:AsthesunlaiddownitsarmorandgaveintothenightitsunkjustlikeasaucerinthewarmEgyptiansky
ChapterSummary
1.Exchangingspecificverbsforgenericverbsstrengthenstheexperienceforourlistener.2.Whateverthepointofview,itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesong.3.Whatevertensewechoose,itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesection.
CHAPTER11TenStepstoWritingaSong
Throughoutthisbook,youhavelearnedvarioustechniquestostrengthentheexperienceyoucauseyourlistener.Themoreyouwrite,themoreeasilyyou’llbeabletoincorporatethesetechniquesintoyourlyrics.
Inthefollowingchapter,we’llrevieweachstepofourten-stepprocess.Aswemovethroughthesteps,I’lldevelopasongusingthetechniquesinvolved.Inthebeginning,you’llwanttostickcloselytothisplan.Overtime,youmightfindthatyoucanintegratevariousstepsandstillnaturallyarriveattheeffectyouwant.Let’sgetstarted.
TENSTEPS
Step1.Destination-WriteandCreateColumnsThisisthemostimportantstepofall.Taketenminutesanddestination-writefromeither“where,”“who,”or“when.”Makesuretostayfocusedonthesixkeysofconnection:
sightsoundtastetouchsmellmovement
*Hint:Themorespecificyourverbs,themoresense-boundyourobjectwritingwillbe.
Ihavechosentowritefroma“who”keyword,“hotelmaid.”
KEYWORD:HotelMaid(Verse)
Shecomesaroundafterthepartiesareover,aftertheromanceofcitylightsandnightlifehavedieddownandallthatisleftaretherumpledKleenexesandmangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Her
mangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Hercartcreaksasthewheelswobbledownthehallway.Hairtiedbackinaneatbun,herapronstarchedandherstockingsplungingintoblackloaferscushioningherexhaustedarches,sherefillsthesoaps,thetoiletpaperrolls,andtheshowercapsnooneeverseemstoreallyuse.Shedriftsalongunnoticed,unlesshertinyknockinterruptssomeunsuspectingguestwhobarrelstothedoorandpouncesitshutasiftosay,“Howdareyoucomeinandtrytodoyourjobonmytime?”Maidstousarelikeschoolteacherswerewhenwewerechildren.Withoutthinkingweassumetheysimplydisappearwheneveningfalls,oractuallyliveatthehotelwheretheyleadhiddenlivesthatrevolvearoundbetteringours....
Step2.IdentifyExternalandInternal/CreateRhymePairsDrawalinedownthecenterofacleansheetofpaper.Atthetopoftheleftcolumn,write“External.”Atthetopoftherightcolumn,write“Internal.”
Thenunderlinealltheexternalphraseswithinyourdestinationwriting.Leavetheinternalphrasesblank.Rememberthatexternaldetailsprovokeanimageandinternalphrasescontainonlyathoughtorfeeling.Somephrasesrideathinlinebetweenexternalandinternal.Justdothebestyoucan,keepinginmindthatthemorespecifictheverb,themoreacutethesense-boundactionandthestrongertheimage.
Shecomesaroundafterthepartiesareover,aftertheromanceofcitylightsandnightlifehavedieddownandallthatisleftaretherumpledKleenexesandmangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Hercartcreaksasthewheelswobbledownthehallway.Hairtiedbackinaneatbun,herapronstarchedandherstockingsplungingintoblackloaferscushioningherexhaustedarches,sherefillsthesoaps,thetoiletpaperrolls,andtheshowercapsnooneeverseemstoreallyuse.Shedriftsalongunnoticed,unlesshertinyknockinterruptssomeunsuspectingguestwhobarrelstothedoorandpouncesitshutasiftosay,“Howdareyoucomeinandtrytodoyourjobonmytime.”Maidstousarelikeschoolteacherswerewhenwewerechildren.Withoutthinkingweassumetheysimplydisappearwheneveningfalls,oractuallyliveatthehotelwheretheyleadhiddenlivesthatrevolvearoundbetteringours....
Now,listyourexternalphrasesintheexternalcolumnandyourfavoriteinternalphrasesintheinternalcolumn.
internalphrasesintheinternalcolumn.
External Internal
Shecomesaround apronstartched
afterthepartiesareover
citylights stockingsplunging
nightlife blackloafers aftertheromance
rumpledKleenexes exhaustedarches
allthatisleft
mangledwrappers refillsthesoaps
nooneeverseemstoreallyuse
besidethebeds toiletpaperrolls
emptybottles showercaps maidsarelikeschoolteachers
abovetheminibar driftsalongunnoticed
cartcreaks tinyknockinterrupts
withoutthinking
wheelswobble unsuspectingguest
assumetheydisappear
downthehallway barrelstothedoor
hairtiedback pouncesitshut
wheneveningfalls
neatbun theyliveatthehotel
leadhiddenlivesthatevolvearoundours
Lookforrhymepairswithinandbetweentheexternalandinternalcolumns.Therhymetypesfrommostclosuretoleastare:
1.Perfect2.Family3.Additive/Subtractive4.Assonance5.Consonance
Frommycolumns,Iseethat“bottle”and“wobble,”“cart”and“minibar,”“creaks”and“wheels”couldbepossiblerhymepairs.Lookforrhymesbetweenyourexternalandinternalcolumnsaswell.“Showercaps”and“hairtiedback”couldbestructuredasrhymedphraseswithinmysection.
Step3.ChooseaRhymeScheme,TogglePattern,andPlotProgressionBeginthinkingaboutapossiblerhymeschemeandtogglepatternforeachsection.Youmayveerfromthatschemeaseachsectiondevelopsuniquemusicalphrasing;however,keepinmindthatcontrastiskey.Forexample,ifyouchooseanABABrhymeschemeforyourverse,youmightchooseanAABCCBschemeforyourchorus.Evenmoresimplyput,ifyourverseisfourlineslong,tryfollowingitwithatwo-lineprechorusandasix-linechorus.Youcanmixandmatchfromtheschemesandpatternsbelow.Besuretostickwithonetotwotopicsperfour-andsix-linesection,usingtheinnerlinestoadequatelyexpoundonthetopic(s).
NumberofLines TogglePattern
RhymeScheme
2El XX
II AA
EEEI XAXA
4 EIEI ABAB
4 EIEI ABAB
IEII AABB
EEIEEI XXAXXA
6 EIEEII AABCCB
IEIIEI ABCABC
Formysong,Ichooseasix-lineversefollowedbyafour-lineprechorusandasix-linechorus.Myrhymeschemeandtogglepatternwillbeasfollows:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Verse: E A
I X
E B
E A
I X
E B
Prechorus: I X
E A
I X
I A
Chorus: Title T
Title T
Title T
I A
VariationonTitle
T
Title T
Thenreviewtheplotprogressionquestions,andchooseastrategytodevelopyourstory.Choosefromthesetwocommonforms,includingoromittingasecondversebeforethefirstchorus,and/orprechorus.Keepinmindthatyoumayalsochooseaverse/refrainform.Inthiscase,youmightalsotryfollowinganyoftheformatsbelowthroughthefirstchorus.Forexample,thefirstverse/refrainwoulddescribetheproblemindetail,thesecondverse/refrainwouldofferhope,andthethirdverse/refrainwoulddescribethefutureasyou’dlikeittobe.Anotherwaytolookatthisismovingeachverse/refrainchronologicallyforwardintimesothatthefirstverseisaboutthepast,thesecondaboutthepresent,andthethirdaboutthefuture.Thentryflippingverses1and2,makingthenewverse1aboutthepresentandthenewverse2reminiscingbacktothepast.
PlotProgression1
Verse1:Whatistheproblemindetail/Whatwasthepastlike?OptionalVerse2:Describemoreoftheproblemindetail.OptionalPrechorus:Canitbedifferent/Doesithavetobethisway/Istherehope?Chorus:Whatwoulddifferentfeellike?Bridge:Whatstrugglesmustbeovercome?
PlotProgression2
Verse:Thewaythingsusedtobe/ThewayI’dlikethingstobePrechorus:Istherehope?Chorus:ThewaythingsareBridge:Everything’sgonnabeokay.
Ichoosethefirstcommonplotprogressionformysong.
Step4.ToggletheVerseandPrechorus/AddConjunctionsandPrepositionsBegininsertingexternalandinternalphrasesaccordingtoyourrhymescheme,untilyouhavetheskeletonofthesection.Rememberourthreeelements?Yourfirstfewlinesshouldestablishthe“who,”“when,”and“where.”Youmaynothavealltherhymedphrasesyouneedwithinyourcolumnstocompleteafullsection.Inthiscase,insertanynewideaswhereneeded.Ifyouneedaninternalphrasethatfollowstwoexternalphrases,thatinternalphrasemaysimplybeacommentonorfeelingderivedfromthoseexternallines.Don’tworryaboutachievingtheperfectphrasing,atthisstage.Simplygetaroughidea,usingthedetailsthatbestdevelopthestoryandallowustoconnectwithyoursubject.
Herearemyphrasespluggedintomychosentogglepatternandrhymescheme:
Verse:Shedriftsalongafterthepartiesareovercollectsthetrashandwrapperslyingrumpledbythebedhairtiedbackhermindisfarawayhercartcreaksandwobblesdowntheselonelyhallsinstead
I’mnotcompletelysatisfiedwiththatlastrhyme“instead.”Rememberthatthelastlineofthesectionisthepowerposition.Here,thelimelightshinesmostbrightlyonmymostforcedrhyme.SoI’lltryadifferentconfigurationofmyexternalandinternaldetails.Feelfreetogowheretheimagestakeyou,rearrangingyourtogglingpatternasneeded.HereI’veusedEEIEEI.
Verse:ShedriftsalongcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandtheromancefadeawayShewalksbehindhercartcreaksandwobblesdisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday
Therearemanywaystowritethissameverse.Thetrickhereisnottosettleonsomethingjustbecauseittookyouthreehourstoconstruct.Ifyouneedtimeto
somethingjustbecauseittookyouthreehourstoconstruct.Ifyouneedtimetobeobjective,puttheverseawayovernightandcomebacktoitthenextdaywithfreshears.Ifyouwroteonegoodsection,youcandoitagain.Don’tsacrificecontentforrhyme.
NowI’llmoveontomyprechorus,afour-linesectionwithatogglepatternofIEIIthatposesthequestion,“Istherehope?”
Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgotriestosmoothherhairtiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsheknowsthatthere’s
Rememberthatthelastlineoftheprechorusisalsoapowerpositionandagreatplaceforathoughtorfeelinglinesettinguporwrappingintothechorus.
Whenyouaddyourconjunctionsandprepositions,yourgoalwillbetoconnectthephraseswithconversationallanguage.Itcanbeassimpleasaddingconjunctionslike“and”or“but,”orfillinginslightlywithsomeinternallanguagetocompletethethought.Thentakeastepbackandreviewyourlyricsofar.Readitonceoutloud.Youmightnoticethatyourfirstverseisfullofcommasbutlackingfullphrases.Yourlyricalphrasingshouldmatchthemelodicphrasing.Whenamelodicphraseclosesdown,soshouldyourlyricalphrase.Fragmentedsentencesanddisjointedtopicspreventyouraudiencefromsinkingcompletelyintoyourworld.Reviseanylanguagethatdrawsmoreattentiontohowitissaidratherthanwhatissaid.Here’smylyricinamoreconversationalform:
Verse:ShedriftsalongandcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandtheromancefadeawayShewalksbehindacartthatcreaksandwobblesanddisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday
Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgososhetriestosmoothherhairandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshow’cuzsheknowsthatthere’s
Step5.Destination-WriteAgainUsingThought/FeelingLanguageYou’relookingfortitlesandchorusmaterialthistime.Destination-writeagain,onlythistime,talkaboutyourthoughtsandfeelings.Startbyreadingthroughyouroriginaldestinationwritingandbeginwhereyouleftoff,speakingfromthemindofyourmaincharacter.Heregoes:
KEYWORD:HotelMaid(Chorus)
She’sunappreciated.Nooneknowssheexists.Iwonderwhatshethinksaboutwhenshecleansmyroom.Doesshethinkofallthechoicesshemadethatbroughtherhere?Anddoesshethinkofallthestrugglesshe’sovercomejusttogethere?IwishsheknewhowIrespecther,howIthinktheworldofwhatshedoesforme.Shedoesn’tknowit,butohhowshehumblesme.Doesherbosstreatherwell,ordoeshedespisehisownreflectionwhenhespeakstoher?Iwonderifshe’lleverfindherwayout,climbpasttheinvisiblelinethat’sholdingherdown....
Step6.LookforTitlesandRhymePairs/WritetheChorusBywritingwithinternallanguage,Icanfindmorethoughtsandfeelingsthatmightbegoodtitlematerial.Frommyparagraph,Ilikethesoundof“aninvisiblelineshecan’tseemtocross.”Ialsolikethemetaphorofaninvisiblelineforarace,astatus,orafinancialpositionthatisdifficulttoriseabove.Sowiththatinmind,I’llwritetowardsthetitle,“InvisibleLine.”Followyourtogglingpatternandwritethechorus,positioningyourrhymedphrasesintheappropriatepositionsinthescheme.Rememberthebodyguardandpowerposition.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.
I’lluserepetitiontocomeupwithasimplechorusaroundmytitle,“InvisibleLine”:
Chorus:Alineinvisiblelineinvisiblelineshe’llgetbythere’salineinvisibleline
NowI’lladdappropriateconversationalconjunctionsandprepositions:Chorus:Aline
aninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline
*Hint:Tryexchangingthetenseofyourverbs.Forexample,“Shedriftsalongcollectingemptybottles”insteadof“...collectsemptybottles.”Keeptheverbformsconsistentthroughoutyourverse.Ichosenottodothatherebecauseinline5,“creaksandwobbles”wouldbecome“creakingandwobbling,”throwingofftherhythmofthelyric.
Step7.ConstructtheSecondVerseandPrechorusFollowthechosenplotprogression,andusepyramidingtowriteyoursecondverseandprechorus.Usethetogglingpatternofyourfirstverse,butfeelfreetoinvolvemoreinternaldetailthistime.Youmaychoosetousethesameprechorusorwriteanewone.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.
Hereismysecondversefollowedbyasecondprechorus:Verse:ShesitsaloneandshewatchesthroughthewindowasthecitybuscollectsandspitsheroutontoherstreetShe’sfinallyhomeandflipshershoesoffonthefloorherburningheelsarescreamingandsheneedstogetsomesleep
Prechorus:Butsheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgo’cuzthenightshift’sstartingsoonandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsoshetriesherbesttomove
Step8.ConstructtheBridgeFollowyourplotprogressionandpyramidingtotoggleabridge.Chooseatogglingpatternthatcontrastswithyourchorusandverseformaximumeffect.Considerhowyoursectionwilladdnewmeaningtothelastchorus.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.
Hereismybridge,writtenaroundtheideaofwhatstrugglesmustbeovercome:
Bridge:Somedayshe’lldefeattheoddsbreakthewallsandceilingsdownandshewon’thavetofightanymore
Step9.Verbs,Tenses,andPointsofViewCheckthetenseandthepointofviewofyourlyric.Haveyouswitchedbetweenfirstandthirdperson?Isthetenseconsistentthroughouteachsection?Reviewyourlyriconcemore,andcirclealltheverbs.Considerwhethertherearemorespecificverbsthataccuratelydescribetheactiontakingplace.Thecloseryouzoomin,themorespecificthedetailandstrongertheexperience.Refertoyourthesaurusforbetterwordchoices.
Myweakestverbhereis“walks.”SoI’llgotomythesaurusformorechoices.SinceIwantthebackhalfofmysectiontomatchupwiththefronthalf,Ineedaone-syllablewordtoreplace“walks.”Thatlimitsmyoptionstoafewgoodwordslike“slips,”“slides,”“steps,”ormaybe“rolls.”Inthisinstance,I’llchoose“slides.”Repeatthissearchforeveryverbthatisn’tpullingitsweightwithinyoursection.
Step10.CheckConversationalQualityReadthroughyourlyricoutloud.
Arethereanyfragmentedphrases?Canyouexchangeconjunctionsandprepositionstobetterconnectphrases?Do“who,”“where,”and“when”allappearwithinthefirstfewlinesofthesong?Rewritewhereneeded.
Hereismyfinishedlyric:Verse1:ShedriftsalongandcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandromancefadeawaySheslidesbehindacartthatcreaksandwobblesanddisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday
Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgososhetriestosmoothherhairandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshow’cuzsheknowsthatthere’s
Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline
Verse2:ShesitsaloneandshewatchesthroughthewindowasthecitybuscollectsandspitsheroutontoherstreetShe’sfinallyhomeandflipshershoesoffonthefloorherburningheelsarescreamingandsheneedstogetsomesleep
Prechorus:Butsheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgo’cuzthenightshift’sstartingsoonandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsoshetriesherbesttomove
Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’saline
aninvisiblelineBridge:Somedayshe’lldefeattheoddsbreakthewallsandceilingsdownandshewon’thavetofightanymore
Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline
Afterword
Ihopethatyoufindthisprocessusefulindevelopingyourownideasintosongsyoulove.Withpersistenceanddedication,youwillseegreatimprovementinyourwriting.What’sevenmoreexcitingisthefingerprintthatwillemergeasyouexposeyourlifethroughstrongexperiences.Thereisn’tandneverwillbeanothersongwriterlikeyou,aslongasyouuseyourstrength—youruniqueperspective.Withit,youcanlookforwardtoalifetimeoffreshideasanddedicatedaudiences.Butmostofall,youcanbesatisfiedthatyoubroughtsomethingworthwhileintotheworld—yourself.
—AndreaStolpe
APPENDIXA
DestinationWritingKeywords
PEOPLE,PLACES,ANDTIMES
“Who”
barmaidpolicemanmiddle-agedwomandiplomatshopaholicconstructionworkerpriestactorBMWdriveronhiscellphonehanggliderOlympicswimmerorphanwidowarchitectchainsmokerdrugaddictfamilybusinessownerhairdresserdentisthusbandandfatheroffour
“When”
justaftermidnightwhilebrushingyour
whilebrushingyourteethpullingintoyourdrivewayjustbeforefallingasleepjustwakingupdrivingtoworkinthemorningwhilewaitingfortestresultsjustafterakisswhileputtingonmakeupwhilerunningthegarbagedisposalrunningthroughtheairportjustbeforeacarcrash
“Where”
coffeeshoppolicestationinsideastolencarahotelroomunemploymentlinealibraryalleyinNYCairportontheinterstateawinecellaraschoolgymanofficecubicleontopofMt.Evereststandinginfrontoftheopenrefrigeratoryourbedroomthelastpewofa
thelastpewofachurchthebottomoftheGrandCanyonyourlivingroomwiththelightsoutafineartgallerygazingthroughabakerywindowintherain
APPENDIXB
PrepositionsandConjunctionsPrepositionsshowrelationshipsbetweennounsandpronounsandotherwordsintermsofspace,time,andothersenses.Listedbelowareusefulprepositionsforoursongs.
aboutaboveacrossafteralongamongaroundatbecauseofbeforebehindbeneathbesidebetweenbeyondbyduringexceptforforfromininspiteofinsideinsteadoflikenearnexttoofonontoout
outoutofthroughtotowardunderuntilupuponwith
Conjunctionsconnectwords,phrases,andclauses.Listedbelowareusefulconjunctionsforoursongs.
afteralthoughandasasifasthoughbecausebeforebutevenifeventhoughforifinorderthatonceorratherthansincesosothatthanthatthoughunlessuntil
untilwhenwheneverwherewhereverwhileyet
AbouttheAuthor
AndreaStolpeisaperformingartist,songwriter,andeducator.Throughouthercareer,shehasworkedasastaffwriterforEMI,Almo-Irving,andUniversalMusicPublishing,andhersongshavebeenrecordedbyFaithHill,DanielLeeMartin,andothers.SheistheauthoroftheonlinecourseCommercialSongwritingTechniques,partofBerkleemusic’ssongwritingprogram.Andreacontinuestotourasasoloartistandleadsongwritingworkshopsaroundthecountry.ShecurrentlylivesinLosAngeleswithherhusband,ProducerandRecordingEngineerJanStolpe.
SelectsongsAndreausedasexamplesinthisbookarerecordedonherCDBreakingEven.OrderitfromherWebsitewww.andreastolpe.com,whereyouwillalsofindadditionalsongwritingresources.
INDEX
A
abstract/metaphoricalchorusadditive/subtractiverhymeadjectives
genericimportanceofinphrases
adverbsimportanceofinphrases
airportdestinationwritingexampleartist’sobjectiveartist’sperspectiveassonancerhymeAuntLouisedestinationwritingexample
B“bodyguardposition,”“Breakaway”(Benenate,Gerrard,andLavigne)bridge
contrastandfunctionsofplotprogressionand
Cchorus
abstract/metaphoricalbodyguardpositioninbridge’srelationto
ascontrasttoversesdestinationwritingforfour-stepprocessforfunctionoflistplotprogressionand“powerpositions”inpyramidingandsimplicityintogglingpatternsinclosure
musicalphraseandrhymesand
“Colin’sSong,”conjunctions
listofusing
consonancerhymecontent
bridgeandemotionalconnectionandlyricpatternfor,metaphorsandorganizingphrasesandplotprogressionandpyramidingprocessforinsecondversetimeframeandtogglingstrategyfororganizingwho,where,andwhenelementsand
contrastbridgesandexercisesforimportanceofnumberoflinesandprovidingtimingandtogglingpatternsandbetweenverseandchorus
Ddestinationwriting
airportexampleAuntLouiseexampleforchorusmaterialdefineddetailandexercisesforasfirstdraftshiddencluesofhotelmaidexamplehotelroomexamplekeywords“when,”“where,”“who,”
detail.Seealsoexternaldetail;internaldetaildestinationwritinganddistinguishingemotionalconnectionandtimeframeandtogglingpatternsfortypesofweightofwho,where,andwhenelementsand
Eemotionalconnection
contentandconversationallyricsanddetailandimportanceofmetaphorsandrhymeandsense-boundwritingandspecificityoftitleplacementandweightandwho,where,andwhenelementsand
exercisesappliedtogglingapplyingidentitiesapplyingplotprogressionsapplyingthethreeelementscontrastinactioncreatingcolumnscreatingfour-andsix-linesectionsdailydestinationwritingdistinguishingdetailfindingrhymepairsidentifyingbridgeandversefunctionsidentifyingthethreeelementsplayingwithtensepointofviewconsistencypowerhouseverbspyramidinginactionsense-boundwritingsupplyingrhymestogglingachorustogglinginactionusingconjunctionsandprepositionsverbalternativeswritingchoruses
experience,causinganasartist’sobjectiveconversationallyricsanddetailandmusicalphrasesandpurposeandrhymeandthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbswho,where,andwhenelementsand
externaldetail
externaldetailinchorusesdefinedexchangingfindingrhymesinidentifyinglistchorusesandmakingcolumnsoftogglingpatternsforasversecontent
Ffamilyrhymefirstpersonpointofviewfour-linesections
contentchoicesforcreatingprovidingcontrastinrhymeschemesfor
Hhotelmaiddestinationwritingexamplehotelroomdestinationwritingexample“HowItGoes,”
Iidentityrhymeinternaldetail
inchorusesdefinedexchangingfindingrhymesinidentifyingmakingcolumnsofmetaphorsandinsecondverseassectionsummarytogglingpatternsforasverseaerationandpurpose
K“Kaleidoscope,”
Llistchoruslisteningsuggestions
chorusescontentandplotprogressionforcontrastdestinationwritingfour-linesectionsinternal/externaldetailsix-linesectionsthreeelements
“LoveCanBuildaBridge”(Jarvis,Judd,andOverstreet)“LoveWon’tTakeChances,”
M“MaryHadaLittleLamb,”metaphorsmusic/lyricsrelationship
contentandfour-linesectionsphrasingandsix-linesections
Nnouns
genericinphrases
Oobjectwriting.Seealsodestinationwritingoutsiderpointofview
PPattison,Pat
Songwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhymingWritingBetterLyrics
perfectrhymephrases,lyrical
forchorusmaterialconnectingcontentandcontrastandfindingtitlesinfour-linesectionsisolatinglanguageofmatchingmusicwithsix-linesections
phrases,musicalcontentandfour-linesectionshearingmatchinglyricswithrhymeschemeandrhymesandsix-linesections
plotprogressionapplicationofchoosingcommonexercisesforinsecondverseandprechorus
pointofviewchoosingchorusandconsistencyinidentifying
“powerpositions”inchorusinprechorusinverse
prechoruscontrastandplotprogressionand“powerposition”inpyramidingand
prepositionslistofusing
usingpyramiding
definedprocessofsecondverseand
Rrhyme
contrivanceandearsasassetforfindingpairsproblemswithtypesof
rhymeschemesforbridgecontrastandfour-linesectionsmusicalphraseandsix-linesectionstogglingpatternsand
rhythmadjustingverbtenseforcontrastandphrasingandrhymeandrhymesand
roadmapanalogy
Ssecondversesense-boundwriting.Seealsodestinationwriting
exerciseforsixkeysofconnectionsix-linesections
contentchoicesforcreatingprovidingcontrastinrhymeschemesfortogglingpatternsfor
Songwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhyming(Pattison)
Tten-stepsongwritingprocesstense
exchangingmaintainingconsistency
“That’sAmore”(BrooksandWarren)“TimeafterTime”(LauperandHyman)titles
additionallineforfindingplacementof
togglingpatternsinbridgeinchorusconnectingsectionscontentandcontrastanddefinedexercisesforfillinginmissinglinesprocessofrhymeschemeandinverses
Vverbs
importanceofinphrasespowerhousestrengtheningtenseof
verseschorusascontrasttodetailinfour-linesectionsplotprogressionand“powerposition”inpyramidingandsecond,functionsofsix-linesectionsstructurefortogglingpatternsinwriting
Wweight
defineddetailand
“when”destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricsplotprogressionandpresenceinlyricsinsecondversetenseconsistencyand
“WhenIt’sOver,”“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin’,”“where”
destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricspresenceinlyrics
“who”destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricspresenceinlyrics
“why”aschorusfunction“WhyGeorgia”(Mayer)WritingBetterLyrics(Pattison)
Zzoomingin
chorusanddefinedpyramidingandverseand
zoomingoutchorusanddefinedpyramidingand