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N A M E

E V E N T N U M B E R / D A T E

SEMINAR WORKBOOK

How to Handle Emotionally Charged Situations in the Workplace

800-556-2998

pryor.com

©Pryor Learning Solutions • WEC2004ES-DL i

1. Assessing Your Attitudes

Foundations of Attitude and Behavior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

Patterns of Behavior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2

Understanding Self-Image . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

Analyzing and Developing Assertive Behavior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

2. Managing Anger and Emotions

Anger Management and Stress . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

Achieving Control Through Self-Talk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8

3. Responding to Negativity and Anger in Others

The Essence of Maintaining Composure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9

Constructive Behavior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11

Create Your State . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

4. Conflict Management Strategies

Understanding Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

Rethinking Criticism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

Controlling Conflict Escalation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

5. Communicating Through Conflict

Approaching Resolution . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Finding Common Ground . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18

Conflict Creativity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19

Analyzing Difficult Circumstances . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

6. Building Successful Relationships

The Essentials of Building Successful Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

Troubleshooting the Best Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

The Most Important Relationship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

7. Appendix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

Table of Contents

©Pryor Learning Solutions • WEC2004ES-DL 1

1Foundations of Attitude and Behavior

Attitude:

Attitude Shaped by:

1. Experience

2. Perceptions

3. Length of exposure

4. Beliefs

Behavior Determined by:

1. Needs

2. Previous history

3. Frames of reference

4. Values

Assessing Your Attitude

vs.

©Pryor Learning Solutions • WEC2004ES-DL2

1Patterns of Behavior

Created By:

• Differing values

• Social/economic variances

• Situational/environmental conditions

• Attitudes of others toward us

• Responses to prolonged exposure to certain stimuli

Reactive behavior indicates behavior out of control. Responsive behavior reflects behavior in balance.

Response vs. Reaction

Response: Reaction:

A reply or behavior prompted by external influences that stimulate thought/behavior.


Thoughts

Self-Image

Words

Actions


1Understanding Self-Image

Frame of Reference

vs.

Your self-image has an impact on your emotional state and how you operate through what you think, say, and do.

Self-Image vs. Self-Esteem

Self-Image:

The mental concept of the self that an individual identifies as a “picture” or “symbol” of oneself.

Self- Esteem


Analyzing and Developing Assertive Behavior


1

Assertive behavior respects the needs of both individuals . When you care enough to have the courage to be connected, creative resolution results .

Self-Centered Balanced

Arrogance Pride

Greed Achievement

Competition Win/Win

Focus Only on Self Focus on Self and Others

Passive

Courage.

Connection.

Caring.

Assertive Aggressive

vs.

Pride vs. Arrogance

Pride: Arrogance:

An inflated sense of self-importance with regard to condition and status.



1

Aggressive Passive Assertive1. I am better than...

2.

1. I am not good enough...

2.

1. We are both important.

2.

1. You make me angry....

2.

1. I can’t...

2.

1. I believe we can...

2.

1. Shouting.

2.

1. Silence.

2.

1. Calm.

2.

Reactions Related to:

1. Insecurity

2. Unmet needs

3. Fear

vs.

Anger vs. Aggression

Anger:

The emotion engendered by the person’s expectation of unacceptable behavior on the part of others.

Aggression:


Thoughts

Words

Actions


2

Symptoms of AngerEvidenced by:

Stress and Anger Characterized by:

• Heart rate increase

• Sweaty palms

• Blood pressure rises

• Headache

• Muscle tenseness

• Upset stomach

vs.

Managing vs. Coping

Managing: Coping:

To contend with or handle on a short term basis.

Managing Anger and Emotions

Anger Management and Stress

2


Your behavior is your choice . How you choose to label an event and to respond to it are your decisions . Always remember that anger and aggressive behavior can have a devastating impact on your immune system and long-term health .

Three Perceptions that Precipitate Anger:

1.

2.

3.

Three Strategies that Control Emotions:

Rethink - Change self-talk

Repeat - Change behavior patterns

Reframe - Perceptions

vs.

Managing vs. Coping

Pressure: Stress:

Characterized by nervous suspense and an exhaustive stretching and contraction that depletes energy.

Event + Emotional Trigger + Perception = Stress


2


Achieving Control Through Self-Talk

Self-talk has repeatedly been shown to have a profound influence on your ability to control emotions .

Monitor your thoughts and words .

Practice positive thoughts and words .

Program new constructive responses .

Positive Self-Talk Statements

I am capable. I am talented and gifted.

I am effective. I handle conflict well.

I am confident. I am respectful.

I am kind. I am helpful.

I am compassionate. I am the best I can be.

I am worthy. I deal with anger constructively.

I forgive.


3


The Essence of Maintaining Composure

General Techniques

• Changing perceptions

• Channeling energy constructively

• Converting negatives

Cool + Collected + Calm = Composure

Event/Trigger: Positive Response:

• •

• •

• •

Responding to Negativity and Anger in Others

3


Remember:You control

your behavior. How you

label certain situations

dictate how you will

operate in response to them.

The Essence of Maintaining Composure

Quick Relaxation Techniques to Relieve Tenseness and Anxiety

vs.

Taking Seriously vs. Taking Personally

Taking Seriously: Taking Personally:

Being concerned with and internalizing a message to the point of ego damage or self-sabotage.


Negative Behavior Constructive Response

Increase in Volume Decrease in Volume

Focus on Emotion Focus on Facts

Remarks About the Person Remarks About the Situation

Listening attentively without agreement or interruption

Acknowledging the other person’s position/interest

Accepting the other person’s perspective

Avoiding accusations

Stating your position/interests

Proposing a compromise

Suggesting further discussion

Following up with arranged and specific time frames and solutions

Respecting both parties involved

3



Constructive Behavior

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

3


Create Your State

1. Visualization of desired event/outcome/results

2. Concentration on details of constructive behavior and interaction

3. Construction of a plan of action

4. Rehearsal of appropriate behavior

5. Application of techniques

6. Reinforcement of desired positive outcome

7. Review and evaluation of interaction for continuous improvement

Remember:Desire to resolve...

Determination to overcome obstacles...

Dedication to persevere... Discipline to

persist!


4


Understanding Conflict

Roots of Conflict

1. Miscommunication

2. Personality type

3. Differing values

4. Opposing objective

5. Variance in methodology

Conflict is a state of being that occurs over a prolonged

period during which issues

are not addressed thereby

adding to dissonance.

Conflict Management Strategies

4


Responding to CriticismWhen they are right:

When you are right:

vs.

‘’I’’ vs. ‘’You’’ Messages

“I” Messages: “You” Messages:

Accusation of others or an attitude that places responsibility on others rather than self.


Rethinking Criticism

4


Diffusing Defensive Behavior


Triggers Technique

Control

Blame

Judgment

Indifference

Misinformation

4


Controlling Conflict Escalation

Keeping the Lid On

Emotional control means accepting your emotions and demonstrating them through interpersonally

and intrapersonally effective means,

allowing you to release the energy

constructively.

vs.

Acceptance vs. Agreement

Acceptance: Agreement:

The harmony of opinion and accord.

Remain Detached from the

Personality

Consider a “Time-Out

Focus on Behavior


5


Approaching Resolution

1. Identify the needs and benefits for both .

2. Change the pattern of interaction .

3. Agree where disagreements can coexist .

Confrontation + Acceptance = Win Win

Communicating through Conflict

Genuine empathy establishes a specific

connection between people.

This connection brings with

it an obligation

to create for the highest good of all.

Finding Common Ground

5



Thoughts

Self-Image

Words

Actions

Thoughts

Self-Image

Words

Actions

Shared Meaning• Shared Values • Shared Vision

• Shared Goals • Shared Understanding

Cooperation Conflict

NegativePositive

Thoughts

Attitudes

Experiences

Perceptions

Behaviors

5


Creative Resolution Manifests from:

• Maintaining an awareness of creativity .

• Creating a positive environment/atmosphere .

• Focusing on interests rather than positions .

• Drawing solutions from deeply reflective listening .

Remember to detach from the emotion,

focus on the facts, defuse the

defensiveness, and remain centered and balanced.

The art of creative resolution of conflict is elusive for many of us. In the midst of conflict, our emotions and egos distort our ability to think clearly and to reflect creatively.


Conflict Creativity

THINK ABOUT IT

5


Sometimes, no matter how effective the strategies are, how powerful the techniques can be, or how positive our attitude is, the other person

may simply choose not to resolve the conflict.

Choose Your Course and Ask Yourself:

1. Is this conflict serious enough to end the relationship?

Is remaining in this uncomfortable situation damaging to both parties?

2. Are the other positive aspects of the relationship valuable enough to maintain the otherwise healthy relationship?

Can I live with this constant conflict?

3. Are the energies created by the conflict so destructive that eliminating the relationship through mutualagreement is necessary?

• When it’s your supervisor . . .

• When it’s your colleague . . .

• When it’s your . . .


Analyzing Difficult Circumstances

6


The Essentials of Building Successful Relationships

Three Ingredients for Rewarding and Positive Relationships:

1.

2.

3.

Be a builder. Focus on the positive. Respect life. Mind your ego. Invest in a healthy attitude.

vs.

Proactive vs. Reactive

Proactivity: Reactivity:

Behavior focused on values of others with an external focus on control.

Building Successful Relationships

6


Healthy, productive relationships evolve over time. When you focus on commonalities rather than differences, your chances at succeeding increase.

Common Myths Stem from:

1. Gender-biased attitudes .

2. F

E

A

R

3. Categorizing and generalizing .

4. Commonly accepted patterns of behavior .

5.

vs.

Interpretation vs. Description

Interpretation:

To explain the meaning of; to define or interpret subjectively.

Description:


Troubleshooting the Best Relationships

6


Troubleshooting the Best Relationships

Danger Signs

• Hurt

• Envy

• Resentment

• Resistance

• Retaliation

Check Yourself

• What is the motive behind my behavior?

• Am I operating according to my principles or in reaction to theirs?

• What is my intention in the interaction?

• Do I want to hurt the other person, teach a lesson, or resolve the issue?

vs.

Manipulation vs. Motivation

Manipulation:

To operate, control, influence, or maneuver by external stir.

Motivation:


6


I Feel:

I Believe:

I Accept:

I Desire:

I Am:

The Most Important Relationship

25©Pryor Learning Solutions • WEC2004ES-DL

1. When I notice the people in shopping malls I think:A. Some of them are just wandering around since they have nothing better to do.B. They are shopping, exercising, or visiting with friends.

2. When I reflect on my behavior and moods:A. Most of the time I go with the flow.B. Sometimes I get grouchy or moody or easily irritated.

3. When a person in a conversation with me speaks very slowly:A. I listen until the person finishes talking.B. I tend to cut them off and finish their statement.

4. While I am waiting for an elevator that is taking a long time:A. I start thinking about a project I have to do.B. I begin to feel anxious.

5. When I notice that someone is being rude:A. I may have to put that person in his or her place.B. I would probably avoid them next time.

6. As I converse with my spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend:A. I listen carefully to what they say.B. I sometimes think about what I am going to say next.

7. When I realize that sometimes it is necessary to work with people who are incompetent:A. It upsets me by having to put up with them.B. I just focus on my job and what I have to do.

8. When someone I don’t like comes into the room:A. I am apt to be abrupt with them.B. I am polite and distant.

9. When I am a front-seat passenger:A. I stay alert and watchful.B. I relax and enjoy the view.

10. As I see teenagers walk by wearing odd clothes, odd hair styles, and blaring loud music:A. I get a little irritated at their lack of responsibility.B. I think that teenagers have a need to make a statement about their identity.

11. When I am conscious that I have a negative opinion of someone:A. I let him or her know how I feel.B. To keep the opinion to myself.

12. As I realize that life has many stressors and irritations, I notice that I:A. Just let them bounce off or deal with them as they happen.B. Become upset each time one occurs.

13. When I receive a birthday present from my “significant other”:A. I would like it to be a surprise.B. I would rather pick it out myself.

14. While I am in an argument:A. My heart beats quickly, I grit my teeth, or I raise my voice.B. I focus on the facts to make my point clear.

15. When I disapprove of a friend’s action:A. I tell my friend that I disapprove.B. I keep my comments to myself.

Appendix: Self-Analysis Questionnaire

26 ©Pryor Learning Solutions • WEC2004ES-DL26

16. While I stand in the express line at the supermarket for customers with no more than eight items:A. I look around to check that others have no more than eight items.B. I check the number I have and spend time thinking, reading, or talking to another person in the line.

17. When I occasionally argue with my relatives:A. I never use profanity.B. I feel profanity helps to express my feelings.

18. As I notice a person at a restaurant who is obese:A. I acknowledge that he or she may have a physical or psychological problem.B. I wonder why he or she can’t control food intake or exercise more.

19. When I remember something that made me angry in the past:A. I am bothered less by remembering the event than when the event actually happened.B. It makes me angry every time I think about it.

20. When a driver cuts ahead of me in traffic:A. I pull back and stay away from the other car.B. I honk my horn, yell at him or her under my breath, or flash my lights.

21. When I make reservations for an airline flight: A. I let the agent choose my seat. B. I usually request a seat in a specific area.

22. While I work on an important task: A. I enjoy being a team player and will ask for assistance from colleagues. B. I would rather work on it myself.

23. If someone does something to me that I don’t think was fair: A. I keep thinking about it over and over. B. Depending on the situation, I might just let it go.

24. While my spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend is cooking dinner: A. I will keep them company, talk about my day, watch TV, or read while waiting. B. I occasionally check on what he or she is doing to make sure it doesn’t overcook.

25. As I am sitting in traffic: A. I begin to feel irritated and upset. B. I usually don’t feel bothered by it and use the time to listen to my tapes or think.

26. As I consider buying a used car: A. I look forward to the process of narrowing down my options to the car I really want. B. I find myself feeling a little uneasy, thinking that a salesperson may let me buy a car with hidden problems.

27. When a coworker criticizes my work: A. I examine whether the criticism is valid. B. I begin to feel anxious.

28. As I think about the times when I have become very angry I remember: A. I have thrown something or slammed a door at least once. B. I have never thrown anything or slammed a door.

29. If someone I know disagrees with my point: A. It makes me argue my position harder. B. I explain how I feel and continue to state my facts clearly.

30. When I think about how I do (or plan to) raise my children: A. I tell them the rules and expect them to obey them, punishing them when they don’t. B. I practice remaining patient and reward them when they behave properly.


27©Pryor Learning Solutions • WEC2004ES-DL

2. B

4. B

7. A

10. A

12. B

14. A

19. B

23. A

25. A

27. B

enter score +

enter score +

Total Score =

Distrust Aggravation Forcefulness

Subtotal Subtotal Subtotal


1. A

6. B

9. A

13. B

16. A

18. B

21. B

22. B

24. B

26. B

3. B

5. A

8. A

11. A

15. A

17. B

20. B

28. A

29. A

30. A

Scoring

0-2 in any one section or total score of up to 6 points = 20% of the time upset or angry

3-4 in a ny one section or total score of 9-12 points = 35% of the time upset or angry

5 or more in any one section or total score of 15+ points = 50% of the time upset or angry

Total score 7 or more: High likelihood you many experience illness in the near future

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