“My Hero Worship”
-
Upload
netnut7462838 -
Category
Documents
-
view
219 -
download
0
Transcript of “My Hero Worship”
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
1/21
My Hero Worship
Written by Mike Stanzione
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
2/21
FADE IN:
1 INT. COLD OPEN, CAFETERIA DAY
(J.D., Turk, Elliot, Carla, Todd, Janitor, Nurse, Patient)
John J.D. DORIAN, a goofy but likable doctor, CHRIS TURK,
J.D.s best and equally goofy surgeon friend, ELLIOT REID,
a neurotic female doctor, and CARLA TURK, a Latina
nurse and Turks wife, are sitting at a cafeteria table
eating lunch. J.D. seems to be deep in thought.
J.D. (V.O.)
Today seemed like it would be like
any other day at the hospital. But
that was before I had one of my best
ideas ever.
J.D.
I think we need our own theme music.
CARLA
Do you even hear yourself talk
sometimes?
J.D.
No seriously, just imagine it.
CUT TO:2 INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY DAY
The hallway of the hospital is dark and shadowy, as if it
were a movie set. Papers blow across the floor when
suddenly beeping is heard off screen. Suddenly a NURSE
runs out from a patients room.
NURSE
Can somebody get me a doctor?!?!
Suddenly, dramatic, heroic music begins to play and a dooris kicked down. J.D., Turk, Elliot, and Carla emerge from
the cloud of dust that rises up. The four are dressed as
if they are super heroes, and their actions are completely
exaggerated.
J.D.
Did somebody call a doctor?
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
3/21
NURSE
I thought you guys would never come!
TURK
What seems to be the problem?
NURSE
The patient in room 121 is coding.
Hurry!!
The four whoosh into the room and begin to work on the
PATIENT. Their apparent super powers allow them to work
even faster, as Elliot is able to intubate the patient with
little effort, and somehow J.D.s hands can work as a
defibrillator. He places his hands on the patients chest.
J.D.
CLEAR!!
With one shot he is able to zap the patient back to life.
The patient sits up, and happens to be a stunningly
beautiful woman who feels completely indebted to her
saviors.
PATIENT
How could I ever repay you?
J.D.Just doing our jobs, maam.
Suddenly Turks beeper goes off as if they are being called
to another case.
TURK
Duty calls. Come on, J.D.
CUT TO:
3 INT. CAFETERIA CONTINUOUS
BACK TO REALITY. The four are still sitting at the table.
Turks beeper is going off as J.D. comes down from his
fantasy.
TURK
Come on, J.D., snap out of it.
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
4/21
J.D.
Wed besuper docs!
TURK
I like where this is going, but I
have to get to surgery.
J.D.
Youd be Super Chocolate Bear.
ELLIOT
You two are idiots.
TURK
Dont listen to her, J.D. I love
it. But Ive gotta run!
As Turk gets up to leave, TODD, another surgeon who is
jockish and immature, ENTERS by running through the
cafeteria on his way to the same surgery.
TODD
Ready to get your slice and dice
on?
TURK
I was born ready, KNOW WHAT IM
SAYIN??
Todd hi-fives Turk, and THEY EXIT.
J.D.
(SINGING)
Here they come, Super Docs to
the rescue!
CARLA
Come on, Elliot, lets get out of
here.
CARLA AND ELLIOT EXIT.
J.D.
You know, it really isnt that
bad of an idea! Work with me here!
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
5/21
THE JANITOR, J.D.s arch-nemesis, is shown in the seat
behind J.D. Apparently he was sitting there the entire
time. He turns to J.D.
JANITOR
Of course its a bad idea. You came
up with it.
J.D.
(SINGING)
Oh no, here comes the Jan-i-tor!
JANITOR
No. Thats stupid.
The Janitor gets up and begins to EXIT, leaving J.D. by
himself. He hums his imaginary theme song to himself and
dances a bit. END OF COLD OPEN.
CUT TO:
OPENING SEQUENCE
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
6/21
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
4 INT. HOSPITAL LOBBY DAY
(J.D., Turk, Nurse, Carla, Dr. Cox, Dr. Kelso)
J.D. and Turk ENTER the hospital and begin walking down the
hall.
J.D. (V.O.)
Today seemed like it would be like
every other day here at Sacred Heart.
TURK
Doesnt today seem like it will be
like every other day at Sacred Heart?
J.D. (V.O.)
Okay, so that was a little weird.
J.D. shakes his head as if to get himself back on track.
J.D. (V.O.)
Anyway, life at Sacred Heart has felt
pretty routine lately. Even though
we save lives every day, sometimes
it seems like nothing exciting ever
happens here.
With that thought, the two come upon a large CROWD of
hospital staff.
5 INT. NURSES STATION CONTINUOUS
TURK
I think something exciting is
happening.
J.D. (V.O.)Is he listening to my thoughts?
Maybe we really DO spend too much
time together.
J.D.
Whats going on here?
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
7/21
NURSE
Some celebrity just got admitted.
J.D. and Turk freeze in excitement.
TURK
Celebrity?
J.D.
I hope its not David Hasselhoff.
The Hoff isnt supposed to get sick.
Did K.I.T.T. crash?? I never trusted
that car.
NURSE
No, its not Hasselhoff. I think
somebody said that its Hugh Jackman.
Suddenly, everybody freezes. We hear a RECORD SCRATCHING
to coincide with everything stopping.
J.D.
Im sorry, did you say Hugh Jackman?
NURSE
I believe I did.
TURK
The movie star?
NURSE
Yes.
J.D.
Wolverine?
NURSE
Yes
J.D. and Turk pause for a second, then look at each other.After a beat they begin screaming and jumping up and down
together. After a few seconds, Carla emerges through the
crowd, carrying a chart.
CARLA
I dont mean to interrupt your moment.
(MORE)
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
8/21
CARLA (CONTD)
But did you see who they assigned to
to him?
The two stop dancing together and push themselves apart,
trying to act manly in an attempt to save face. They
mumble incoherently about things such as sports and
hunting. They regain their composure.
J.D.
Please tell me I get to treat
Wolverine.
CARLA
No, its not you, Bambi.
TURK
Its not Elliot, is it?
CARLA
No, actually its
Carlas sentence is cut off by the sound of DR. PERRY COXs
trademark whistle. He is an imposing figure who commands
the respect of everybody in the hospital. He angrily
fights his way through the crowd and approaches Carla.
DR. COX
Can somebody tell me why I have thehave the misfortune of treating Hugh
Jackman, the one person I hate more
than anything in the world?
J.D.
He cant be THAT bad, can he?
DR. COX
Listen up, Darla, you should know as
well as anybody here that Hugh Jackman
is more irritating than anything elseI could possibly think of. And this
includes people who leave their blinker
on for miles, Dane Cook, people who wear
shorts over their pants, the Fox News
Channel, that guy with all the question
marks on his suit, little dogs in
(MORE)
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
9/21
DR. COX (CONTD)
Sweaters, people who play with my hair
Hell,Newbie, Id rather spend
my day on a retreat with you than
have to spend one agonizing minute
alone with him.
J.D.
Wed make kaleidoscopes out of
paper towel rolls!
DR. COX
(WHISTLES AGAIN FOR SILENCE)
For the love of God, Newbie, I
dont even find you half as irritating
as Hugh Jackman. I dont think
there is anybody worse than him.
As if on cue, DR. BOB KELSO, the cantankerous chief of
medicine and proverbial thorn in Dr. Coxs side, ENTERS.
DR. COX
Okay, its at least a close race.
DR. KELSO
Ah, good morning, Perry!
DR. COX
Blow it out your ass, Bob. Im notin the mood right now.
DR. KELSO
Charming as always I see. Have you
had a chance to meet with your new
patient?
DR. COX
Tell me something, Bob why does
it have to be me? There are
literally DOZENS of other doctorshere.
DR. KELSO
Come on, Perry, you know we have
a rotation system in place here.
(MORE)
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
10/21
DR. KELSO (CONTD)
Plus you know as well as I do that
a patient of his status can generate
a lot of publicity for the hospital.
DR. COX
And didnt it occur to you that I
hate him more than anything else?
More than you, even?
DR. KELSO
That was the deciding factor.
As the look of fire begins to form in Dr. Coxs eyes,
TURK AND CARLA EXIT QUICKLY, sensing something bad is
about to happen. J.D. is more or less stranded there.
DR. COX
Look, Bob, if you really decided
to give me a patient because you
know how much I despise him, let
me tell you somethi
DR. KELSO
Perry, what has two thumbs and
STILL doesnt give a crap?
(POINTS TO HIMSELF)
Bob Kelso! I believe weve
met before. I suggest you meetwith your patient.
DR. KELSO EXITS, leaving J.D. alone with a furious Dr.
Cox.
J.D.
You know
Dr. Cox grunts in frustration and EXITS, bumping into
J.D.s shoulder on his way out.
J.D.
I never see that coming.
J.D. EXITS, holding his shoulder.
6 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM DAY
(Carla, Hugh Jackman, Turk, J.D., Janitor)
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
11/21
Carla is in Hugh Jackmans room, getting information. He
is lying in bed, dressed in a traditional hospital gown.
Carla does not seemed fazed at all by his celebrity as she
fills out his chart.
CARLA
So you were rehearsing for a play
when it happened?
JACKMAN
Out of nowhere. Dont even remember
it happening. I was in the middle of
a routine when I just hit the ground.
CARLA
You seem to be in pretty good shape
right now. But Ill make sure your
doctor takes care of you and gets you
back on stage before you know it.
Around this moment TURK can be seen peeking into the room.
CARLA (CONTD)
Speaking of which, have you seen
Dr. Cox yet?
JACKMAN
He hasnt come by yet.
(GESTURES TOWARDS TURK)Is that him there?
Carla turns and sees Turk, who quickly waves. Carla rolls
her eyes.
TURK
Hey baby!
CARLA
No, thats just my husband.
JACKMAN
Ohseems like a charming fellow.
TURK ENTERS the room and reveals that he has taped tongue
depressors to his hands as if he had claws. Carla sees
this and shakes her head.
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
12/21
TURK
J.D. and I made Wolverine claws!
CARLA
Yeahcharming. Ill go see if I can
find Dr. Cox.
CARLA EXITS.
JACKMAN
So you arent my doctor?
TURK
Nah, Im a surgeon. Hey, do you think
Wolverine would be good in surgery?
JACKMAN
I honestly couldnt tell you.
TURK
How come Wolverine is able to be in so
many comics at once?
JACKMAN
Um, I guess because hes a mutant?
I dont know, I dont write the comics.
J.D. ENTERS, also wearing Wolverine claws.
JACKMAN
I guess you arent my doctor either.
J.D.
I wish! Itd be like the Weapon X
project!
JACKMAN
Funny. So where is my doctor anyway?
J.D.You mean Dr. Cox still hasnt come by?
(TO TURK) Did you ask him if
Wolverine would be a good surgeon?
TURK
He said he didnt know.
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
13/21
J.D.
Those claws would probably get in
the way.
JACKMAN
Fellas, look, you both seem like nice
guys, but Id really like to see my
doctor soon. I have a very busy
schedule and need to get back on
stage as soon as possible.
J.D.
You know, I know a really quick way
to find him
TURK
Oh no, please not Floating Head Doctor.
CUT TO:
7 INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY DAY
In J.D.s fantasy, his head is floating through the
hallways of Sacred Heart in search of Dr. Cox. He will
pass by some of the shows recurring characters before
finally floating into the doctors lounge. He will then
come upon Dr. Cox, who is sitting on the couch reading a
newspaper.
J.D.S FLOATING HEADI found him! BODY!! TO THE LOUNGE!
J.D.s disconnected body will then be shown in another part
of the hospital, and will quickly spring into action to
retrieve Dr. Cox. It will try to run onto an elevator, but
crash into the closed doors and fall into a lump on the
floor.
8 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM CONTINUOUS
BACK TO REALITY. J.D. is coming down from his fantasy asTurk and Hugh Jackman look at him strangely.
J.D.
The body can never figure out elevators.
Jackman
Lovely.
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
14/21
Turk
Come on, J.D., lets find Dr. Cox.
THEY EXIT in search of Dr. Cox. On the way out they pass
the Janitor, who is on his way into the room. He gives
J.D. a dirty look as they pass each other.
JACKMAN
Im gonna guess you arent Dr. Cox
either.
JANITOR
Nope.
JACKMAN
Figures.
JANITOR
You know, I once had a career in movies
myself.
CUT TO:
9 INT. APARTMENT NIGHT
(J.D., Janitor)
This scene is actually a clip from My Friend the Doctor
an episode in Season 3. In this scene, J.D. is watching
The Fugitive and sees an actor that appears to be theJanitor.
10 INT HOSPITAL ROOM CONTINUOUS
BACK TO REALITY. The Janitor is leaning on his mop and
awaiting Jackmans approval.
JACKMAN
So you were in The Fugitive?
J.D. is shown WALKING BY the room once again, freezing inplace once he hears this.
J.D. (V.O.)
I knewit!!!
J.D. EXITS, continuing his search for Dr. Cox.
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
15/21
JANITOR
Lets keep that between you and me.
JACKMAN
Sure. Can you just find my doctor?
The Janitor stands up, as if rising to the occasion.
JANITOR
Im on it.
JANITOR EXITS.
11 INT. NURSES STATION DAY
(Carla, Elliot, J.D., Turk, Janitor, Dr. Kelso)
Carla is sitting at a computer, entering patient
information. Elliot is sitting on the counter next to her.
CARLA
I think youre the only one here who
isnt going crazy over the new patient.
ELLIOT
What new patient?
CARLA
How have you not heard already?
ELLIOT
Carla, Ive been having a crazy day. Ive
been puked on twice, had one patient code
on me, and had to disimpact three bowels
because there were no interns around. I
also had one patient tell me I smelled
delicious sometime between the second and
third bowel. Plus all Ive had to eat
all day was half a piece of fruit that I
stole from pediatrics.
CARLA
They dont have fruit in pediatrics.
ELLIOT
So you mean
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
16/21
CARLA
You ate a wax apple.
ELLIOT
Frick.
J.D. and TURK ENTER, running in frantically.
TURK
Baby, have you seen Dr. Cox?
CARLA
Havent seen him.
J.D.
Where could he be? We need to find
him and bring him to Hugh Jackman!
Elliot jumps down from the counter.
ELLIOT
Hugh Jackman is here?!?!
J.D. (V.O.)
How did she not hear about that?
CARLA
Thats the new patient I was talkingabout.
ELLIOT
Oh my God, Hugh Jackman is so amazing!
Hes so handsome and talented andoh my
God, I have to go meet him!
TURK
Not when you smell like that.
CARLATURK!
TURK
What? She smells like that homeless guy
that sleeps in the MRI machines.
J.D. (V.O.)
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
17/21
So THATS what that smell is
ELLIOT
(VOLUME, PITCH, AND SPEED INCREASING)
Ive had a very bad day and a lot of
horrible patients and (WORDS BECOME
INDECIPHERABLE AT THIS POINT)
CARLA
Calm down Elliot. Go clean yourself up
and Ill take you to meet Hugh Jackman.
J.D., did you check for Dr. Cox upstairs?
And Turk
TURK
Yes baby?
CARLA
Consider yourself on a full booty
embargo.
Turk begins to pout, and J.D. puts his arm around his
shoulder to console him. Cheesy music plays in the
background.
J.D.
Its ok, Chocolate Bear, J.D.s here
for you.
CARLAYou two are ridiculous.
J.D.
(DEFIANTLY)
Only words, Carla! Only words! Come
on Turk, lets find Dr. Cox!
J.D. pulls TURK away as THEY EXIT.
12 INT. HALLWAY CONTINUOUS
J.D. and Turk continue their walk down the hall when
suddenly they both slip and fall. We then see things from
their point of view on the floor, as the JANITOR stands
over them, mop in hand.
JANITOR
Floors wet.
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
18/21
TURK
Shouldnt there be a sign?
The Janitor drops a wet floor sign on top of them.
JANITOR
I told Handsome Australian Actor that I
would bring him his doctor. Youre not
getting to him before I do.
DR. KELSO (O.S.)
THERE you are! Ive been looking
everywhere for you.
DR. KELSO ENTERS.
DR. KELSO (CONTD)
Theres a surprise for you in the
third floor bathroom. Heres a hint
its not a pie. I suggest you get to
it immediately.
The Janitor grabs his mop and EXITS.
DR. KELSO (CONTD)
(RE: J.D. and Turk on floor)
And just what are you two doing down there?
J.D.
The floor was wet.
DR. KELSO
Well get up! You two are doctors!
J.D. and Turk get up from the floor and dust themselves
off.
TURKSorry sir, wont happen again.
DR. KELSO
Whatever. I need a vacation.
DR. KELSO EXITS, shaking his head. TURK and J.D. then EXIT
in the opposite direction.
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
19/21
13 INT. DOCTORS LOUNGE DAY
(Dr. Cox, J.D., Turk, Carla, Harvey Corman, Hugh Jackman,
Elliot)
Dr. Cox is sitting in the lounge with his feet up, watching
TV. J.D. and TURK ENTER.
J.D.
Finally!
DR. COX
Please tell me finally got that peach
fuzz youve been asking for every night.
J.D.
I could grow mutton chops if I wanted to.
J.D. (V.O.)
And have.
DR. COX
Right. So what could you two possibly
want from me?
TURK
Why havent you seen Wolverine yet?
DR. COX
Newsflash Gandhi, Wolverwine isnt real.
Its just a man in there, a horrible,
horrible man.
J.D.
Youve treated patients you didnt like
before.
As if on cue, CARLA ENTERS, pushing HARVEY CORMAN in a
wheelchair into the room. He is an irritatinghypochondriac who is a regular at Sacred Heart, and is in a
hospital gown ready for another one of his regular visits.
CORMAN
Hello, Perry! Gentlemen.
DR. COX
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
20/21
Carla, please tell me Im just dreaming
and that this really isnt the worst
possible day in my entire life.
CARLA
Oh its real all right.
DR. COX
I can only imagine what disease you
thought up for yourself this time.
CORMAN
I think I have Berylliosis. Ive been
around a lot of fluorescent lights lately.
DR. COX
(PUTTING HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS HEAD)
Carla, bring Mr. Corman to his room.
Ill be right there to check him out.
CARLA
Anything you say.
CARLA and HARVEY EXIT.
TURK
Shouldnt you go to Hugh Jackmans room
first?
J.D. (V.O.)
There are a lot of things that can make
you reconsider where you truly stand.
14 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Hugh Jackman is shown in his room as J.D.s narration
continues.
J.D. (V.O. CONTD)
Perhaps its having the man you hatethe most as your patient.
15 INT. HOSPITAL LOCKER ROOM CONTINUOUS
Elliot is seen washing her hair as the narration continues.
J.D. (V.O. CONTD)
-
8/14/2019 My Hero Worship
21/21
Or maybe its having yet another bad day.
16 INT. DOCTORS LOUNGE CONTINUOUS
Back to the lounge, where J.D. and Turk await Dr. Coxs
answer.
J.D. (V.O. CONTD)
Or maybe its a surprising answer from
the person you respect the most.
DR. COX
Im not going to his room. Now if
youll excuse me, I have some Berylliosis
tests to run.
DR. COX EXITS. J.D. and TURK remain in shock as we
FADE OUT.