Module 2 Assignment: Personal Narrative OGL 482 Pro-Seminar II … · Module 2 Assignment: Personal...
Transcript of Module 2 Assignment: Personal Narrative OGL 482 Pro-Seminar II … · Module 2 Assignment: Personal...
Running head: PERSONAL NARRATIVE 1
Module 2 Assignment: Personal Narrative
OGL 482 Pro-Seminar II
Denise Wolsieffer
March 18, 2018
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 2
Module 2 Assignment: Personal Narrative
People often refer to experiences as beginning or closing a chapter in their lives. For
example when a couple gets married people talk about how they are starting a new chapter.
Using books as a metaphor to explain or categorize various life experiences works well. Some
characters in a story continue throughout the entire book while others make brief appearances
then leave. This is similar to how we experience life. There are people who have been with us
since we were born and still have a strong influence on us currently, and there are those who
briefly have an impact, perhaps without even realizing the effect they have on us, and we never
have an opportunity to interact with them again. This paper is a personal narrative highlighting
significant life events, whether positive or negative, which shaped who I am today. The paper is
divided into chapters. Within a chapter I tell stories of my life and how the events shaped the
direction of my life. The chapters are loosely arranged in chronological order to provide
structure however my reflections skip through various points in my life touching on things that
have had an impact upon me.
Chapter I: The Family Background
I was born on July 9, 1962 in Lombard, Illinois, a middle class neighborhood located in
the Western Suburbs of Chicago. I am the youngest of three; the only daughter. I have two
older brothers, Dennis and Douglas. They called me Neecy instead of Denise. I would not have
minded the nickname but I hated the sarcastic and teasing manner in which they said it. I grew
up slightly spoiled as my brothers often tell me even now as an adult. I suppose there are some
facts to back that claim. As the youngest and the only girl, I always had my own bedroom
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 3
whereas the brothers had to share a room. Also, I never had to wear hand-me-downs. This
likely contributed to my life-long preference for having my cake and eating it too. I am always
striving for more; always looking for a way to get everything that I desire.
My Grandma Mittl, my mother’s mom, spoiled me with attention. Whenever we drove
into Chicago to see her, she would make 4 or 5 different flavors of Jell-O for me just to make
sure that she had a flavor that I liked. I remember her apartment in Chicago being filled with so
many old things. There were postcards she received from her sons, my uncles, who served in the
Navy during World War II and were stationed in foreign countries, and old black and white
photographs of people I did not know. She would take the time to show me things, tell me
stories and explain who the people were in the photos. She was my favorite person in the world.
During the daytime her hair would be braided and wrapped around in a circle, pinned in a bun. It
was only at bedtime that I would see how long it was. During these times when she would stay
with us, she told me stories of growing up in Austria. As a teenage girl, she and her friends
I remember that she had very long hair;
down to her waist. There were times
when she would babysit my brothers
and me when my parents went on
vacation. When getting ready for bed,
she would bend from the waist and flip
her hair over her head and brush it out
over and over. Her hair was a beautiful
mixture of silvery gray and white.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 4
would run from village to village through the woods to get to the dances that were held at various
places. She laughed as she told me how the girls would strip off their pantaloons from under
their dresses which restricted their legs when running. Of course their behavior was considered
to be indecent which why she laughed so as she told me her tales. However, she and her friends
loved music, dancing, and being around boys. As she told me these stories, I envisioned her long
hair flying behind her as she ran through the woods in a long, old-fashioned dress.
My grandmother almost did not come to America. Her father came here first and was
working as a chauffeur when he purchased a ticket to bring her older sister here. The family that
had employed him were looking for more help and he suggested his oldest daughter. However
the sister had fallen in love and wanted to stay in Austria to marry him. My grandmother came
her in her place, met my grandfather, married, and had seven children. My mother was the
youngest of the seven.
These are a few of the many stories I was told while growing up. I had many relatives
living in the City of Chicago whom I saw often. Both my parents were born and raised in
Chicago so I had frequent access to grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Understanding
where I came from has always been important to me. I cherish my relative’s stories. I am a
second generation American and recall my grandparents talking about “the old country” and
“coming over on the boat.” I have a love for my family’s history and I have attempted to capture
it on Ancestry.com where I am building our family tree. I have scanned many of the photos
found in my grandmother’s apartment after she passed. If I could lock myself away for an
extended period of time I could easily lose myself in researching our family history. My
husband and I hope to travel to the countries where are families are from some day.
Chapter II: War…what is it good for?
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 5
Just as my grandmother experienced the trials of war leaving Austria before it was
invaded and worried about her boys in WWII, growing up in the 1970’s during the Viet Nam
War was not idyllic. In this chapter I reflect on what it was like growing up during the Viet Nam
Era. My poignant memories still haunt me today.
I recall pictures reflecting death and destruction of the Viet Nam War on TV, and I recall
the lottery draft. My oldest brother Dennis is nine years older than I am, and I was nine years old
when he became eligible for the draft. I recall my mother in the kitchen preparing meals while
listening to the news on the radio. I had memorized my brother’s date of birth because I came to
understand that was how they designed the draft. They randomly selected dates of birth and all
young men born on a certain date were drafted into the army. This was often a topic of
conversation at dinner. Dennis would tell us of his high school friends whose birthdates were
called. He later told us stories of friends who were taken prisoner or killed in the war.
I wore a silver POW bracelet every day for
over a year with the name of a soldier
engraved on it, along with his date of capture
and date of birth. I recall praying for him by
name as often as I looked at the bracelet.
I also remember for years we had a stiff, square yellow cardboard sign with a blue star on
it that we displayed in our living room window. If I recall correctly, my mother explained the
reason for this practice in this way, “This tells the people who go by our home that our son is
okay.” Thankfully his birthdate was never called but memories of the war, my parent’s
emotions, the blue star, and his stories at dinner haunted me. I had a very negative opinion of the
military and of anyone involved in the military as a result. For most of my life, if I saw someone
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in uniform, it scared me but I could not explain why. This is significant especially when my son
David told me he wanted to join the military.
David was 12 years old when he came home from school and informed me that he had
decided he wanted to be in the military, ride a motor cycle and smoke. He stated this in such a
matter-of-fact manner. I tried to hide the emotions that ran through me in that moment. I was
feeling both great fear and humor over his smoking comment since neither me nor any of our
family members were smokers. He later told me that he added the smoking part to make me
laugh because the look on my face scared him. Naturally I was terrified. I thought no child of
mine will ever be in the military! I hoped
over tine that he would lose interest. He
never did and it was not very long after
that David was awarded a college ROTC
scholarship and he decided to attend Point
Loma University in San Diego. In May,
2014 David was commissioned as an 1st
Lieutenant in the U.S. Army at Mount
Soledad in San Diego.
Given my experiences growing up and my fear of anything related to the military, it was
very difficult for me to see him make this life decision. I learned that my children are going to
make decisions which I cannot always control and may not approve of. Thankfully, this one
turned out to be a good choice for David. Over time, I saw how he benefitted from the structure
and the discipline as he matured into a man.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 7
Unfortunately, as my children grew up my ex-husband chose not to keep in touch with
them therefore being raised by a single mother with two older sisters, David needed a strong,
male-dominated environment to learn things that I could not teach him. The Army taught him
discipline which he lacked and the male-dominated atmosphere helped shape his self-image of a
man. Also, through ROTC he met the most wonderful woman whom he married. I love Rose
tremendously; she is a wonderful addition to our family.
David now a 1st Lieutenant in the U.S. Army, 2nd Armored Brigade Combat Team, and
1st Cavalry Division. He recently returned home from a second rotation in South Korea. His
military involvement still scares me at times, however I am now more informed. When North
Korea was launching missiles, and Guam feared becoming a target, I obsessed over the news
coverage and listened to the BBC and NPR endlessly.
My childhood fear of all things related to the military changed. I now view men and
women who serve in the military very differently. Whereas I once experienced fear in the
presence of a soldier, I now feel comforted whenever I happen to cross paths with someone in
uniform in public. The colors, patterns, and heavy fabric of their uniforms are familiar to me
having once done David’s laundry. It is almost as if I am in my son’s presence even when he is
overseas.
Chapter III: The Parents
This chapter is all about my parents because who else has the greatest impact on us as
individuals other than our parents? My folks were the typical 1960’s suburban couple. Growing
up was like The Wonder Years meets Mad Men.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 8
My father came home from work every day around 4:30 pm, pulled off his tie and suit
coat, and expected dinner on the table by 5:00 pm. He read the Chicago Tribune and sipped on a
cocktail while my mom finishing making dinner in the kitchen. He would say that intelligent
people read the Tribune and the Sun-Times was trash. I recall making hors d'oeuvres for him to
snack on while he waited for dinner like some kind of 7-year old cocktail waitress.
Dad would bring work home at night and process paperwork while watching shows on
TV such as the All in the Family, MASH, or The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. He used a
silver Ace Pilot stapler that made this delightfully satisfying crunch sound when stapling papers
together.
It was designed so that one could hit it with
the bottom of a fist and it would work really
well. I remember the sound of my father’s
fist pounding down on the stapler and the
thud impacting the solid maple wood table
where he sat working with many piles of
papers spread across the table before him.
My father’s work ethic rubbed off on me. I have always been a very hard worker; that
fact has been pointed out to me by more than one of my supervisors during my lifetime. I set
this example for my children who also have strong work ethics. My Dad’s chosen white-collar
profession also made an impression on me. I strived to create a career for myself rather than just
have a job most of my life. Last year I asked for an Ace Pilot stapler for Christmas. My oldest
daughter Lindsey found one on Etsy; I keep it on my desk to remind me of my Dad.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 9
My mother was a stay-at-home mother most of my childhood. She spent her days
decorating our home, hosting cocktail parties for her and my father’s friends, and volunteering at
my grade school. She hosted “coffee clutches” where the neighborhood ladies would sit and
chat, drinking coffee, and eating pastries for what seemed like hours while the pre-school kids
played. My mother’s example of a stay-at-home mother influenced my desire to do the same
with my children. Growing up in an affluent county established lifestyle expectations for me.
Later in life when I was unable to maintain that standard, it created issues but it also motivated
me strongly to succeed in my chosen profession.
My father was a dominant force in our family. He controlled the money, paid the bills,
and lectured my mother whenever she spent money. They grocery shopped together every
Saturday morning, clipping and using coupons. He fixed things around the house, painted, and
did a lot of home improvement projects himself rather than paying someone else to do them. He
is a huge Chicago Cubs fan and often had a ball game playing on a transistor radio while he
worked around the house. I have vivid memories of hearing ballgames playing in the car as we
ran errands. Sports were always a big part of our lives. My brothers were athletic and as I got
older, I played on the girls’ softball and volleyball teams in school and through our park district.
Also, I am a die-hard Cubs fan today thanks to my father.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 10
When they won the World Series in
2016, I was living in Southern California and
him in the Chicago area. Though there was a
two-hour time difference, and the game went
into extra innings, I called him at 1:00 am and
we cried tears of joy together over their
victory.
The influence my parents had on me is directly reflected in my second marriage. My
husband Jim is also very opinionated, controls the money, and insists we grocery shop at the
local Walmart and take advantage of their Savings Catcher Program. Jim graduated at the top of
his class in civil engineering at Purdue University and went on to get his MBA from there as
well. He held professional jobs throughout his career and retired early because he saved and
invested wisely throughout his life. I feel at times that I married someone who very closely
resembles my father right down to the love of the Chicago Cubs. Jim grew up in Indiana and
played sports his entire life. He particularly loves baseball. He and his family took vacations to
visit ballparks when he was a kid. He has followed professional sports his entire life, much like
my father.
Chapter IV: Coming to Jesus
In this chapter I tell the story of a significant event in my life that changed who I was
forever. Also in this chapter I capture many of my first leadership experiences and the mentors
who guided me during my formative years. Many of these mentors were only a part of my life
for a short period of time, yet had a big impact upon who I became as an adult.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 11
At age 15 I had a religious experience that changed who I was for the rest of my life. I
was dating a boy by the name of John Zelinko. His family was Southern Baptist. They did not
want him to date me because I did not attend their church or view life in the same way they did.
Driven by my affection for him, I was determined to learn more about their faith. Eventually, it
changed the way I believed in God. I switched from the Catholic faith to an evangelical way of
believing and worshipping. This was a life-changing event for me. It completely changed who I
was and would become for the rest of my life. My faith is something that I have held on to with
deep commitment.
I pray non-stop every day for every reason
under the sun; it’s like a constant conversation
with God. He’s always there; always
listening. There have been times in my life
where I felt more in tune with Him and times
when I did not, but He has been an ever
present companion.
In 1978 I went on a mission trip to the U.K. with an organization called Teen Missions
during the summer of my 16th birthday. This was the first time I was ever outside of the United
States. It caused a great deal of worry for my mother and it led me to make some big decisions
for my life. When I came back from the U.K., I felt I needed a more stable home life for myself.
My parents had divorced and living with my mom became difficult. She was dating and went
out a lot at night. I was alone much of the time and I craved family life. Therefore, in 1979 I
moved in with my Dad, his new wife, and her two boys. I changed high schools at the beginning
of the 2nd semester of my junior year, made all new friends, and fulfilled the role of older sister.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 12
This decision turned out to be a bad idea that I later regretted because the relationship I had with
my step-mother was not good. Additionally, starting over at a new high school the 2nd semester
of my junior year was hard. Everybody already had friends and established groups. I was alone
a lot of the time.
My Dad bought me a car and I got a job after school which allowed me to become more
independent. In 1979 I got involved in a work-study program through my high school called the
Office Education Association (OEA). While in the work-study program I could leave school at
noon, and work the rest of the day. I held a position of leadership in the group and recall
receiving the Student of the Year award through the program at our annual luncheon. This
experience reinforced my belief in myself. The OEA program gave me a start to an
administrative career. I held administrative assistant jobs for a long time and eventually worked
my way up to office manager. This was important later in life when I had to provide for myself
and my kids as a single mother. The skills I developed working in administrative roles have
benefitted me throughout my entire professional life. Little things such as my typing speed and
understanding of how to format documents has paid off as a college student and a HR
professional.
The adults at the CPA firm where I worked in high school affirmed my sense of identity
and intelligence. I felt respected for the first time. The office manager, Lorraine O’Brien and
OEA Coordinator and teacher, Sharon Presley were big influences on me at the time. I think
they saw potential in me and a recognized a lack of parental involvement. Lorraine became my
first mentor and through our regular lunches, shaped a lot of who I was and where I wanted to go
in life. We talked a lot about her family, her marriage, her kids. She encouraged me to take
college entrance exams and prepare to go to college. She helped me to see that I could rely on
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myself and that I was much stronger than I thought I could ever be. I felt like she filled in a gap
that my mother left unfilled.
I remained actively involved in my church and our youth group. I became a youth group
leader as well as in a Christian group at school called SALT which was a program through Youth
for Christ. The greatest influencers at the time were my youth group leaders and the SALT
leaders (a young couple attending Wheaton College). Every Tuesday, the SALT teams from
various high schools would get together and have competitions that were incredibly fun. There
would be hundreds of high school kids from all over DuPage County gathering under the lights
on one of the high school football fields. My high school and our SALT team was relatively
small so we never won any of the team competitions but it was a lot of fun trying. Our SALT
team was called Mustard. I remember one Tuesday night we had to make up a cheer for our
team. I came up with “Catch-Up to Mustard!” Everyone loved it and our team yelled it out as
loud as possible to the other teams.
Being a team leader in SALT helped me to develop leadership skills that I have used
throughout my life. I recognized early on that kids younger than me were looking up to me as an
example, therefore I had a responsibility to be a good one. This same concept comes to mind as
a HR professional. Employees are looking to me for clues about how to behave in the
workplace. I have an obligation to be a good role model for them as well.
Things were still bad at home, however. If I went out in the evening, my step-mother
locked the door at midnight and I was never allowed to have keys. I once returned home one
minute past midnight and got locked out of the house the whole night. I even tossed rocks at
their bedroom window hoping they would get up and let me in. I was resentful of my step-
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 14
mother’s discipline. I was a good kid and she treated me like a criminal. I felt her discipline was
heavy-handed and underscored my belief that she and my father had no idea who I really was.
That was when I decided to pack up the things from my childhood that I knew I would
not be bringing with me to college and took everything to my Mom’s. She understood that I
would be going off to college and I did not want to leave my personal belongings at my Dad and
step mother’s house. My step-mother had already violated my privacy by taking my diary and
reading it. She also took all of my high school graduation photos claiming they belonged to my
father, not me.
Unfortunately, my mom could not get a well-paying job with only a high school
education. She lost the apartment, packed all our stuff into a storage locker which eventually she
failed to keep current and everything I owned, other than what fit into half a dorm room was
gone. All my cherished childhood items were gone. I recall a tremendous sense of loss. I
remember committing to myself that I would get my college education so that I would never be
in my mom’s situation being unable able provide for myself.
It is interesting, and sad, how many of the same fates my mom experienced repeated
themselves in my lifetime. She and father divorced; my first husband and I divorced. She did
not get an education beyond high school and I….well, for most of my life did not have an
education beyond high school. There are greater similarities that I discuss in my other life
chapters; stories of great loss that both my mom and I share.
Many of my life experiences in high school contributed to my interest in leadership. This
is a new discovery for me. Before writing this paper, I would not have recalled the many ways
in which I held leadership positions as a teenager.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 15
Chapter V: The College Years…the first time around
Having a difficult home life motivated me to focus on college. I could not wait to move
out of my father’s house. In this chapter, I tell my story of college life; the first time around. I
made decisions during this time that affected the rest of my life; many of which I regret.
Completing high school and moving on to college became my obsession. I went from a
C/D student to getting all A’s. It was 1980, I was not yet 18 but I felt as though I was preparing
for adulthood. From 1980 to 1982 I attended Olivet Nazarene College in Kankakee, Illinois,
located about a 1-1/2 hours from home. I was
studying both business and psychology not
knowing what I might want to do with my
degree from a career perspective.
I was making decisions for my life such as what I wanted to major in, who to date, & caring for
myself when I was ill. I felt like I grew up significantly that first year of college living away
from anyone I knew.
The second week of college I met Jerry Clark. A 6’10” freshman, center of the basketball
team, attending college on a full-ride scholarship; I was in love. The maturing that I did my
freshman year was palpable. I was no longer living amongst children as I was in high school; I
was now spending time with young adults who were talking about their careers and were getting
engaged. It was an entirely different atmosphere for me. I met Jerry Clark and thought he was
the right one for me.
However, while attending Olivet, I felt homeless. Whenever there was a break in the
school schedule, I did not have a home to go to. My mom moved in with a boyfriend whom I
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 16
barely knew, and my step-mother made life unbearable at my Dad's and her drinking was getting
worse. I recall a time when I called home for some reason and learned that my step-mother had
our dog euthanized. This was the dog that I grew up with as a child. He was extremely loved
and I was not given a chance to say goodbye to him. That phone call was one of the most
emotionally-charged calls I have ever had. I was hysterical that they put my dog to sleep and
could not wait even one week for me to come home on a weekend to say goodbye to him. My
resentment towards my step-mother was off the charts at this point. For many years after this, I
refused to visit my father unless he could be somewhere without her present. My distress over
my home situation led me to make some bad decisions for my life.
It didn't seem to occur to my parents that I faced a homeless dilemma. As a result, it
made me take charge of my life. I made decisions that I thought were correct ones in the
moment but turned out to be wrong in the long run. My boyfriend Jerry and I withdrew from
Olivet, got jobs and rented an apartment. We worked full-time and attended classes part-time at
Elmhurst College. Jerry had worked for the College over the summers and knew that full-time
employees could attend school for free. At Elmhurst I took a course called Industrial &
Organizational Psychology. This was the closest I ever came to studying HR while in school,
however it was enough for me to learn that I love the combination of business and psychology.
Once I figured out what human resources was, I was hooked. It became my life’s passion.
However, continuing on with college was not going to happen at this point. Jerry’s
parents, as conservative Christians, did not like the fact that we were living together and were not
married. We got married in 1983 mostly due to the pressure we felt over our living arrangement.
My first college experience was not ideal for reasons beyond my control. As a result of
these circumstances, I did not complete my college education and went through the majority of
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 17
my lifetime without having a degree. This proved to be challenge for me every time I attempted
to secure employment. I would frequently be turned away from jobs because I did not meet the
qualifications they were looking for. Looking back, I should never have dropped out of school
and married Jerry. We eventually divorced but I am thankful for the children that I have as a
result of that relationship. In this next chapter, I talk about my children.
Chapter VI: The Darkest Days
I always thought that I would make a great mom. While in high school and in college, I
took several parenting classes determined not to make the same mistakes I felt my parents made.
When I became pregnant with my first child, I felt completely ready to be a mother. What my
coursework did not teach me is how to handle the heartache when things go wrong.
Our first daughter Lindsey was born 2 months premature at 4 pounds, 6 ounces on
November 13, 1984. She remained in the neo-natal intensive care unit for 3 weeks, and in the
hospital for 1 more week before coming home. Our hospital bills exceeded $200,000. I had to
quit work to care for her; she ate every 2 hours day and night. The lack of sleep caused
significant issues for me and a tremendous strain on our marriage. In addition, my mother
moved in with us to help care for Lindsey which added to our issues. I recall praying for
Lindsey the day she was born. The doctors told us that her lungs were not fully-developed and
she might have respiratory problems for the rest of her life. I was 21 years old facing serious life
and death circumstances with my child. Unfortunately, this would not be the only time I had to
deal with life and death circumstances with one of my children. However I had a feeling of
peace and remained fully-confident throughout the months she was in the hospital that she would
be fine.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 18
Lindsey caught up to her peers within six months and grew up with a love of music. She
inherited her grandmother’s beautiful soprano voice. Her lungs are strong and healthy, and she
has sung her way through life. Having Lindsey
has been one of the greatest things that has ever
happened to me. She has been a source of
tremendous joy in my life. I loved every minute
raising her as a little girl, and now as an adult,
she is my best friend. We share the same
profession and “get” each other’s “HR drama”
stories. She’s the first one that I want to call
when I need someone to talk to about an issue at
work. She is a lovely person and I could not be
prouder of her.
Jerry and I were still taking classes at Elmhurst College part-time when Lindsey was
born. My grades suffered because it was all too much for me. I dropped out and promised
myself that I would finish my degree later. It would be 31 years, before I went back. It was
2015 when I applied to ASU and was finally able to complete my degree.
I learned during my second pregnancy that my changing body created issues for Jerry. I
eventually learned of his intolerance for overweight women even if the issue was related to
pregnancy. He began associating with a lot of female college students and ended up in a
relationship with one of them. I was unaware of this relationship until later.
I gave birth to Leah in 1986; two years after Lindsey was born. After a short few weeks
off, I returned to work and my mother cared for both daughters. I loved our little family and
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 19
appreciated my mother’s devotion and loving care for my children. I was able to have a career,
provide for my family and not worry about my kids. She was incredibly generous with her time
and her resources. I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to her.
Leah grew up to be a free-spirited kind of person.
I believe that is due to my mom’s influence on her. She
is very creative and artistic. Her love of animals led her
to study equine science in college. She now works for
the Humane Society of Rochester, NY working with
abused or abandoned horses training them for new roles
and adoption. She and her husband Mike have been
married for almost three years and plan to start a family
soon.
It sometimes feels like Leah is my body-double. She looks a lot like me when I was her
age and our physical attributes are very similar. She played sports while in school and has the
same love for competition that I share. Our personalities are similar in that we are generally
always happy. We can get high on life for no particular reason. We are also both fairly
emotional. When telling stories, we get wordy, talk with our hands, and at least speaking for
myself, I can get rather loud. The louder the story-telling, the better the story! That’s a result of
my loud, Polish relatives. I could reflect on my love for my kids forever, but this paper must
conclude at some point. So onward we go...recall if you will that I titled this chapter, The
Darkest Days.
When Leah was 2 or 3 years old I learned that Jerry was cheating on me and through our
arguments, discovered that it had not been the first time. I began to realize that my marriage to
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 20
Jerry was doomed to fail. Not long after this Jerry got in trouble at work and was fired. He was
depressed and did not work for at least a year. I found myself the sole provider for three adults
and two children. I remember thinking to myself, “What do I need him for?” and I gave him an
ultimatum. As far as I was concerned, I could continue to work supporting the kids, myself and
my Mom but if he wasn’t going to contribute, he could leave. I saw no benefit to continuing the
marriage. He did not want to lose his family therefore he straightened up. He got a job working
for a dealership selling BMW’s. He had found his niche. He had always loved cars and worked
on them in high school. Driving and selling BMWs became his identity.
Ironically, my son David has a passion for BMWs as well. Recently on a two-week
European vacation, he and his wife Rose visited Germany and his number one priority was to
tour the BMW factory, and rent a BMW and drive on the autobahn. He later told me that he took
the rented BMW 6 Series to 160 miles per hour. His passion for BMWs I feel is ironic because
Jerry’s influence is a part of David even though in reality they have spent very little time
together. After the divorce, Jerry moved to Florida and had very little to no contact with his
children over the years. It might also be Jerry’s influence working through me. It is a fact that
David’s first car was a little red BMW 3 Series that I bought used for him to drive to school. I
taught him how to operate the manual transmission in the nearby community college parking lot.
It was probably the most “fatherly” thing I did for him as a single mother. This is one of several
digressions I make in this narrative as I look at the connections that exist in my life; so back to
my story.
Jerry did very well selling BMWs and our lives became much more comfortable.
Through a lot of hard work, we mended our marriage; at least for a period of time. We attended
church, Jerry spent time with the girls, we had friends, and as Lindsey reached school age, we
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 21
decided that I should quit my job and homeschool the girls. This was probably the best time in
our marriage. Things were going well and we decided to try for a son. I soon became pregnant
for the third time and David was born in 1991. I recall how proud Jerry was to have a son and he
showed him off at work like a prized trophy. The life lesson I experienced was to forgive even
when you do not feel like it. For the sake of my children, I had decided to make our marriage
work.
Soon our little family was bigger than what our townhouse could contain. We began to
save up for a down payment on a single-family home. It took a couple of years but eventually
we scraped together a decent sum of money plus my Dad helped us out. When David was still in
diapers, maybe 2 years old, we purchased a home in Wheaton, Illinois. It was an older home that
needed repair however, Jerry was handy and was willing to do the work. It was our first house,
the kids had a yard to play in, and I was thrilled. I didn’t mind that every room needed
remodeling; we had a house. I continued to homeschool and made friends in the neighborhood
and throughout Wheaton who were also homeschoolers.
Homeschooling became very much a part of my self-image at the time. The culture had a
great effect on my children’s self-images as well. Our home in Wheaton became our sanctuary.
Feeling so safe and secure, we never locked the doors except for when we went to bed at night.
This is a contrast to how I was locked out of my home as a teenager. The kids and I spent a great
deal of time in the kitchen cooking, canning, homeschooling, talking, laughing, dancing, and
engaging in more than one water fight. My children and I built the tightest bonds one could
possibly imagine. These very close relationships helped us to survive the worst turn of events
imaginable.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 22
I often talked about fixing up the
Wheaton house, selling it for a
profit, and moving into something
larger and nicer. Unfortunately,
Jerry did not see the dream the
same way. He began working long
hours at the dealership, coming
home late, and not spending time
with the kids. I recognized that our marriage was fading fast. I tried hard to put things back
together and in my efforts I became pregnant. Unlike the other pregnancies, this one was
unplanned for. Given the state of my marriage, I was not sure having another child was wise but
as a Christian, I did not even think about ending the pregnancy; abortion was never an option.
During that pregnancy, again, for the third time, Jerry became involved with someone
else. I suspected it for several months however it was a while before I confronted him. Jonathan
Michael Clark was born on January 18, 1994. I could not confront Jerry with my suspicions
because six weeks after he was born, Jonathan became seriously ill with respiratory syncytial
virus (RSV) pneumonia. He was intubated and in intensive care for six weeks. During his
hospitalization, I would homeschool my kids in the mornings and drop them off with a neighbor
who also homeschooled and spent my afternoons every day with Jonathan. Jerry visited
Jonathan maybe three times over the six weeks he was in intensive care. The medical staff often
asked where my husband was; I never could come up with a good answer.
The medical team treated Jonathan’s pneumonia and he had actually recovered from the
virus, however whenever they attempted to extubate him, he would hold his breath and clamp
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 23
down so hard, he eventually ruptured an aorta and bled out. The top pediatric surgeon could not
save his life. I recall the day we got the phone call from the hospital. They told us that Jonathan
may not make it and to come to the hospital immediately. Jerry told me that he needed to stop
off at work first before going to the hospital. I was incredulous. I suspected he had being having
an affair, but to prioritize going to work which was at least 30 minutes in the opposite direction
of the hospital after receiving such a phone call was unforgivable.
I reached out to a neighbor asking her to stay with the kids, and I took off for the hospital.
On April 15, 1994, approximately 12 weeks after he was born, I learned alone that Jonathan had
died. Later when my husband arrived, they took us both into a room where the doctors explained
what had happened.
I mentioned earlier how my mother experienced things that have repeated themselves in
my lifetime. I also stated that I had two older brothers, Dennis and Douglas. Actually, I had a
third brother by the name of Brian, however he passed away before I was born. My mother told
me what had happened to Brian when I was old enough to understand. My Uncle Danny had
been living with my Mom and Dad at the time because he was having issues with my
Grandmother. It was on a Saturday that my Mom and Dad left Danny to babysit while they went
grocery shopping. When they came home, Brian had passed away. My Mom said that it was
due to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Danny had a very difficult time dealing with
Brian’s death and it caused him emotional and psychological problems for the rest of his life.
On our way to Jonathan’s funeral, David picked up a rock from our driveway as he was
climbing in to the minivan. At the funeral home, we stood before the casket as a family; David
in Jerry’s arms. David asked us to give Jonathan his rock. We tucked it into the front pocket of
Jonathan’s blue Oshkosh overalls with the little airplane pattern. It remains in his pocket even
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 24
now in his grave. In the Old Testament, the Bible tells of the close friendship between David
and Jonathan. Our David was only 3 years old at the time and could hardly understand the
significance but as the story goes, it was David’s rock that killed the giant Goliath. My son
David; the warrior and soldier. I can no longer read that story without being reminded of my
boys. We buried Jonathan, rock in pocket, in the Wheaton cemetery where he could be close to
home.
Reflecting on this time in my life is always very difficult. My mother was unusually
absent throughout Jonathan’s illness and hospitalization. We never talked about it but I wonder
how much she was re-experiencing her own grief over losing Brian. I know that even after 23
years, I can still cry over Jonathan’s death. I do not think that a mother ever really heals from the
loss of a child. I am not sure what, if any, life lessons can be gleaned from this unusual
coincidence.
When I see how close my children are now as adults, I wish Jonathan were a part of the
picture. One thing I learned is that I could probably survive anything. I experienced the death of
a child and the confirmed that my husband was having an affair in the same month. I learned
exactly where my emotional bottom was. I seriously contemplated suicide. The pain was so
tremendous that I just needed relief. However, thinking about my three surviving children and
how much they needed me kept me from taking my life. My next story is one of victory. Much
of my strength when facing future life challenges came from knowing that I had already faced
the worst, and survived.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 25
Chapter VII: Hello Career Woman!
This chapter focuses on what happened after Jonathan’s death and how I rebuilt my life.
I share events of resilience and victory, and how I came into my own. Again, there are
characters in this story that make brief appearances yet have significant impact. In this chapter
of my life story, I explore my journey to become the HR professional that I am today.
It was not long after Jonathan’s funeral that I kicked Jerry out of the house and filed for a
divorce. Abandoned by their father, I sensed that my kids needed me to continue homeschooling
to maintain some kind of normality. Therefore, in 1997 I began a daycare business out of my
home to provide some form of income as Jerry was not paying child support. I did this for
several years until I felt my kids were emotionally-stable enough to attend a public school.
In 2001 I closed my successful daycare business and put my kids in the public school.
Jim, then my boyfriend, tutored me on the many software applications that had become widely
used while I was a stay-at-home mom. I utilized the office management skills I had developed
when I was younger to market myself. I got hired at AIMCO as an Office Manager where I
worked closely with the HR Director. I picked up on the duties of her job quickly and eventually
when she moved into a training role, I was promoted into her former job. Without any HR
experience, in 2005 I landed one of the biggest jobs of my career. My confidence soared, that is
until I attended a business meeting in Phoenix, AZ.
During the meeting in Phoenix, Jim Purvis, VP of HR announced that all HR personnel
must obtain a professional PHR certification within the next 12 months or they will be shown the
door. I had just been promoted to my first HR role. As a single mom and sole provider for my
three children, I could not afford to lose my job. My ex-husband was not paying child support
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 26
and I was running out of time and money to chase him for it. At that point in time I was earning
$90,000 a year without a college degree; there was no way I could earn that kind of money
elsewhere. I left the meeting in tears and sobbed in my hotel room. My fears got the best of me.
I thought about how as a teenager going off to college, I told myself I would not allow myself to
be in the same situation as my mother; divorced with no education beyond high school, unable to
support myself. Yet there I was, no college education, divorced, just like my mom. However,
overnight I remembered that I had already faced the worst thing life could throw at me and I
decided that I could do this. I would get my PHR and hold on to my job. I owed that to my
children.
Kelly Clarkson recorded a song called Stronger that always comes to mind whenever I
think about the business meeting in Arizona. It goes something like this: “What doesn't kill you
makes you stronger, stand a little taller. Thanks to you I got a new thing started. Thanks to you
I'm not the broken-hearted. Thanks to you I'm finally thinking 'bout me. What doesn't kill you
makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter” (Elofsson, Gamson, Kurstin, & Tamposi, 2012). This
became my personal victory song. Victory over people like Jim Purvis, the VP of HR who
threatened to take away my livelihood; over my ex-husband who cheated on me and abandoned
us physically, emotionally and financially after Jonathan’s death; and over my step-mother who
tried to destroy me as a teenager. In 2013, Lindsey and I had the privilege to attend a SHRM
Conference in Chicago where Kelly Clarkson performed Stronger in the evening. It took all my
strength to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I reflected on what that song
represented for me.
In January, 2004 I enrolled in PHR preparatory classes that met one night a week at a
local college. Over the next five months I studied endlessly in preparation for the very
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 27
challenging, professionally-proctored PHR exam. I recall the day I sat for the exam. I drove into
Chicago and entered a high-rise office building. The environment in which Prometric
administered the exam was highly-controlled and had a sterile feeling. I was instructed to place
my purse and all other belongings in a locker. I was given a limited amount of time to take the
test and though I would not receive my scores until weeks later, I would be told whether or not I
passed that day. I sweated out 175 questions until I worked my way through to the end as the
clock ticked down the minutes and seconds that remained. I hesitated a moment before clicking
on the final submit button. Tears ran down my cheeks as I read the words PASSED in the
middle of the screen. I stared at the screen for several minutes before getting up to leave. I had
done it. Kelly was singing in my head as I descended the steps of the old office building in
Chicago towards the sidewalk.
I called Jim to tell him and began sobbing. He thought I failed the exam; it took the
longest time to bring myself under control and tell him I was crying tears of joy. I was the first
of the 56 HR reps in the company to obtain my PHR certification. Several quit and found
employment elsewhere rather than attempt to pass the well-known, extremely difficult exam.
This was the first of three professional certifications I would obtain during my career. Because I
did not have a Bachelor’s degree, these became my professional credentials when seeking
employment. They were all I had and they served me well. I learned the value of a protean
career (Harrington & Hall, 2007).
I am currently attempting to achieve another HR certification; one that focuses on HR in
the public sector. I have made a job change and as a government worker, I am learning how to
apply my skills in a new form of organization. This has been challenging however my passion
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 28
for HR work is never-ending. Just like I faced other challenges in my life head-on, I will do the
same with this one.
Chapter VIII: Jim - My Rock
In this chapter, I start with what seems to be a tremendous loss but the end of the story
will have you smiling, I promise. In this story I feel the hand of God aligning every
circumstance and timing everything in my life and my children’s perfectly. My husband Jim is
the main character of this story. He is my knight in shining armor, rescuing me from a turbulent
life taking me to an oasis in the desert. This story starts where the previous one leaves off with
me discussing my career.
My career progressed through various ups and downs. One of the downs hit in the
middle of the recession when I was laid off from a job following the sale of the business. I used
up every dollar I had in savings and my 401(k) but in the end lost our beloved Wheaton house to
foreclosure.
Although it was difficult to lose the house, the timing was somewhat miraculous from my
kids' perspective. Lindsey had graduated from Purdue and moved into an apartment with a
friend. Leah had graduated from Southern Illinois University, had been accepted into a two-
year, post-graduate program, and was about to start an adventure that took her all around the
world. David was just a year away from going to college in San Diego on his ROTC
scholarship. They were moving on to their adult lives and had plans for the future. I, on the
other hand, was broke.
I sold all of my furniture, including Grandma Mittl’s foot-pump Singer sewing machine
and the steamer trunks she brought over on the boat from the old country to pay our bills, which I
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 29
regret terribly. David and I then moved into Jim’s townhouse leaving behind the Wheaton home
and my charming garden which I had tended to for 18 years. Jim had been talking seriously
about retiring from BP/Amoco at the end of 2012 and we had decided to move to Southern
California. I probably would never have been able to sell my home and leave the kids to go with
Jim to California had the foreclosure not have occurred. The timing of everything, the kids’
moving on to new adventures, Jim’s retirement, even the foreclosure was God’s hand working in
our lives.
It was an exciting time for us. We were building a new home and planning our move
across the country. Thinking about our California house became my obsession. Whenever I was
down, or missed living in the Wheaton house with my kids, I thought about it. The California
house became my mental “happy place.” We closed on the new house in 2012 and I secured a
HR job in Palm Springs.
My life in California became much more stable. Jim and I were extremely happy living
in our new home. I no longer worried about our finances since he managed them. We were
secure and looked forward to a good future together. Our first grandchild was born on April 15,
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 30
2014. This seemed a little eerie to me as it was the same date that Jonathan had died 20 years
earlier however that was soon forgotten and our love and pride in Tyler took over.
On November 18, 2014, Jim and I got married. Our wedding was at a Four Seasons
resort in Punta Mita Mexico. We were married on a rock that overlooked the ocean with the
waves crashing into the rocks beneath us. We were by ourselves, no family in attendance, no big
white wedding. It was incredibly romantic. We spent the next week at the resort for our
honeymoon. I felt like a princess. My life with Jim has been like a dream. We own a beautiful
home, live in a place where there is great weather, and we have the financial freedom to pursue
our own interests. That includes completing my college education.
For years I experienced recurring dreams that I was walking around a college campus or
a classroom holding books in my hands knowing that I was supposed to be in class, but I kept
forgetting to go, or I would get lost. I would wake up from one of these dreams feeling so
depressed. It had been a life-long goal of mine to finish my college education. In the summer of
2015, I enrolled at Arizona State University and announced to my family that I was returning to
college to complete my degree. It raised more than a few eyebrows after all I was 53 years old at
the time. I did not care, I enrolled at ASU and transferred as many of my college courses that I
could from Olivet and Elmhurst College. It excites me to know that I am very close to
graduating and crossing this off my bucket list. I no longer have those dreams any more either.
In this paper I shared stories that illustrated my most significant life experiences; the ones
that make me who I am. Throughout the paper I reflected on my experiences and drew
connections where I saw them. Overall, I feel that I have gone through the major life events in
all the wrong order. Most people complete their education, get married, have kids, buy a house
and then retire. My decisions were not always good ones leading me down paths that turned out
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 31
to be wrong. Regardless of how I got here, I learned that I can face anything, although it might
hurt for a time. I saw how my mother in particular gave so much of herself to me and my
children. It is my responsibility to pay that forward to others. I recognized how God had a plan
in mind for me; one that included love and security. These are the very things that I lacked
earlier in my life. He gave me my husband and a new life for which I am very thankful.
I do not think that I will include this paper in my e-portfolio because of its length and due
to the very personal nature of the content. If I share my e-portfolio with others, I am not
comfortable that everyone will understand my perspective and may take offense to my some of
the things I have written. For example, I am sure my husband would not like how I compared
him to my father.
There are many recurring themes in my paper. The rocks I threw at my father’s bedroom
window, David placing a rock in Jonathan’s pocket, the rock I stood upon when I married Jim,
and referring to Jim as my rock because he brought me stability. The greatest amongst them
being how God is my rock and my foundation. Psalm 40:2 says "[God] lifted me out of the
slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to
stand." Amen.
References
Elofsson, J., Gamson, D., Kurstin, G., and Tamposi, A. (2012, January 17). Stronger (what
doesn’t kill you) [Recorded by Kelly Clarkson]. On Stronger [digital format]. Los
Angeles, CA: RCA Records. (February, 2011)
Harrington, B., & Hall, D.T. (2007). Career management & work-life integration: Using self-
PERSONAL NARRATIVE 32
assessment to navigate contemporary careers. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications,
Inc.