Michigan Golfer News, July 29, 2011

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Sponsored by: Buck’s Run Golf Club http://bucksrun.com/golf/proto/bucksrun/ Tour the Course Video with Jerry Matthews http://youtube.com/watch?v=qxuMfR0vN3o Arcadia Bluffs Website: http://arcadiabluffs.com Golf & Lodging Rates: http://tiny.cc/9vx3f Tour the Course: http://tiny.cc/13yy1 LochenHeath Golf Course Website: http://lochenheath.com Video: http://tiny.cc/k4txr Sandy Ridge Golf Course Website: http://golfsandyridge.com Video: http://tiny.cc/y18s8 Treetops Resort - Celebrating R.T. Jones Masterpiece 25th Anniversary Website: http://treetops.com Video: http://glsp.com/treetops/ Half Off Golf Jeff Lesson’s Website: http://lessonongolf.com Boyne Sends 125 Dozen Golf Balls to Long Drive Contest in Afghanistan In This Issue: __/ Boyne Sends 125 Dozen Golf Balls to Long Drive Contest in Afghanistan __/ Second Swings, Second Thoughts: By Terry Moore __/ Great Lakes Bay Golf __/ Treetops Fall Unlimited $99 Golf Package Begins September 27th __/ Where Would You Play? - By Bill Shelton __/ ASGA Supports Golf Industry Efforts to "Tee it Forward" __/ Fieldstone Golf Club: A Tour of the Course & Morning Comes to Fieldstone http://michigangolfer.tv/2011shows/fieldstone/ __/ Kupelian Is the Champions Tour Insider and a pgatour.com Contributor __/ Michigan Golfer Magazine Summer Issue Now Online __/ Peter Jacobsen and the Game of Golf __/ Minzey's Musings __/ Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2011 Results __/ Sarah Johnson Earns Medalist Honors in 95th Michigan Amateur __/ Michigan Golfer Television Channel - 2011 Shows __/ Michigan Golf Calendar __/ Michigan Golfer Archives http://michigangolfer.com/mgn/archives.html __/ Michigan Golf History http://michigangolfer.com/mgn/history.html __/ Michigan Golf Association Links http://michigangolfer.com/mgn/associations.html __/ Michigan Golf Hall of Fame http://michigangolfer.tv/2005shows/ghf/ July 29, 2011 Vol. 11, No. 30 Photo courtesy of Boyne Resorts

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Weekly newsletter about Michigan golf, golf courses, golfers, and golf tournaments.

Transcript of Michigan Golfer News, July 29, 2011

Page 1: Michigan Golfer News, July 29, 2011

Sponsored by:

Buck’s Run Golf Club• http://bucksrun.com/golf/proto/bucksrun/• Tour the Course Video with Jerry Matthews http://youtube.com/watch?v=qxuMfR0vN3o

Arcadia Bluffs• Website: http://arcadiabluffs.com• Golf & Lodging Rates: http://tiny.cc/9vx3f• Tour the Course: http://tiny.cc/13yy1

LochenHeath Golf Course• Website: http://lochenheath.com• Video: http://tiny.cc/k4txr

Sandy Ridge Golf Course• Website: http://golfsandyridge.com• Video: http://tiny.cc/y18s8

Treetops Resort - Celebrating R.T. Jones Masterpiece 25th Anniversary• Website: http://treetops.com• Video: http://glsp.com/treetops/

Half Off Golf• Jeff Lesson’s Website: http://lessonongolf.com

Boyne Sends 125 Dozen Golf Balls to Long Drive Contest in Afghanistan

In This Issue:

__/ Boyne Sends 125 Dozen Golf Balls to Long Drive Contest in Afghanistan

__/ Second Swings, Second Thoughts: By Terry Moore__/ Great Lakes Bay Golf__/ Treetops Fall Unlimited $99 Golf Package Begins September 27th__/ Where Would You Play? - By Bill Shelton__/ ASGA Supports Golf Industry Efforts to "Tee it Forward"__/ Fieldstone Golf Club: A Tour of the Course & Morning Comes to

Fieldstone http://michigangolfer.tv/2011shows/fieldstone/__/ Kupelian Is the Champions Tour Insider and a pgatour.com

Contributor__/ Michigan Golfer Magazine Summer Issue Now Online__/ Peter Jacobsen and the Game of Golf__/ Minzey's Musings__/ Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2011 Results__/ Sarah Johnson Earns Medalist Honors in 95th Michigan Amateur__/ Michigan Golfer Television Channel - 2011 Shows __/ Michigan Golf Calendar__/ Michigan Golfer Archives

http://michigangolfer.com/mgn/archives.html__/ Michigan Golf History http://michigangolfer.com/mgn/history.html__/ Michigan Golf Association Links

http://michigangolfer.com/mgn/associations.html__/ Michigan Golf Hall of Fame

http://michigangolfer.tv/2005shows/ghf/

July 29, 2011 Vol. 11, N o. 30

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Michigan Golfer MagazinePast Issues http://michigangolfer.com/#pastissues

Michigan Golfer Televisionhttp://michigangolfer.tv

Editor: Art McCaffertyAssociate Editor - Jennie McCafferty

=================================================================================BOYNE SENDS 125 DOZEN GOLF BALLS TO LONG DRIVE CONTEST IN AFGHANISTAN=================================================================================Submitted by Ken DevineJeffrey Fineout of Boyne City had a wish to entertain his fellow troops on the Fourth of July with a longdrive contest at Kandahar Airfield in Afghanistan. A few clubs happened to be available on the base,but no golf balls. A couple of weeks prior to the holiday, he asked his mother, Barbara Fineout, if she’dbe able to help in requesting donations of golf balls. She happily agreed and was then made aware ofthe sizeable need. The unique part was that these balls could not be re-used. Why? Because the areaavailable on the base for the long drive contest required that the balls be hit into Pakistan and entry intoPakistan to retrieve the balls is simply not allowed.

Mrs. Fineout contacted BOYNE with this request and explained the opportunity we had to support ourtroops in this small way. Without hesitation, BOYNE’s managers agreed to not just send a few balls,the shipment to these honorable men and women included a whopping 125 DOZEN… that’s 1,500 golfballs, along with t-shirts for prizes. The Fineouts asked that a BOYNE banner be sent too and theywould proudly display it and also inform all participants of BOYNE’s very generous donation. Andthat they did!

Once they knew we had shipped the balls, they crafted a practice shack and a tee box for the big event.More than 100 men and women showed up for the fun throughout the day and in addition to taking afew swings, joined in celebrating the freedom in America and other parts of the world that they arevigilantly protecting. A soldier from Charleston Air Force Base in South Carolina won the event (he ispictured with the M-16 strapped to his back!). Those competing were from the United States Air Forceand Army, Canadian military, British military and a few civilian contractors.

Make you take great pride in being part of this contribution… go Team BOYNE!

===============================================SECOND SWINGS, SECOND THOUGHTS: By Terry Moore===============================================Golf courses, like people, sometimes deserve second chances. This came to mind after I played for thesecond time The Golf Club at Harbor Shores, the well-publicized Jack Nicklaus-design in BentonHarbor. The first time I played it, a month ago in a charity outing, I was underwhelmed. In particular,the greens were “overwrought” and far too rolling, difficult and time-consuming for everyday play.Many of them reminded me of the greens designed in the early ‘90s when penal, target-golf, architectureruled the day. My playing companions on that day were in agreement in spite of all of us competing in aplayer-friendly scramble!

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But upon reflection and with the added benefit of a return visit, my take on Harbor Shores is muchimproved. And it certainly helped to play it again in less congested conditions when we never waited ona single shot. Such pace of play does wonders for perceptions. And there are plenty of positives at workat Harbor Shores on top of the laudable community-centered benefits of the development whichincludes a First Tee program. (Unfortunately, it’s not a walkable layout which is lamentable for a tie-into the First Tee.)

For starters, the conditioning throughout the layout is exceptional, especially for a second year layout.Tees, fairways, greens and bunkers are all in tip-top shape. The aesthetics of the course—how it looksand complements the environs—are impressive. The bunkering in particular is very well done. In fact,the bunkering on the par-three second hole is outstanding. Given a flat piece of land, set amid wetlands,Nicklaus’s design team plotted a nifty one-shoter that must carry a huge expanse of bunkers. In truth,it’s largely a single bunker but one divvied up by little islands lending a more natural look.

I also liked how the par-four sixth hole dealt with the daunting challenge of a large ravine that wouldhave posed excessive difficulty for forward tee players. In sensible fashion, Nicklaus derived a simplesolution: provide the option of an alternate green for those players unable to carry the ravine. It’s thesort of remedy that ought to be copied at many high end courses.

The next hole, the par-four seventh hole, climbs a dune overlooking Lake Michigan and generates lotsof player comments. It’s the number one handicap hole and it’s a bear even from the shorter tees whichagain wisely concede length. With the prevailing wind off the lake, this is one tough hole with a smallelevated green surrounded by dune grass. And if your shot comes up short, it will likely roll down thehill leaving a testing pitch back to the green. Overall, it’s too penal and unforgiving for my liking butgiven the nature of the dune and the desire to get players to the top of it probably any design wouldhave been equally demanding. If it’s any consolation, the view is terrific.

The most controversial aspect of Harbor Shores is the green at the par-five 10th hole. It’s over-the-top interms of tiers and shaping and should be re-evaluated. Sometimes green designs work and sometimethey don’t. This surely falls into the second category. If your approach shot happens to be on the lowerportion of this four-tier green while the pin is on the higher level back, then good luck. It’ll beinteresting to hear any candid opinions about it from senior Tour pros playing it next year during thePGA Senior Championship.

But after that hole, common sense prevails and Harbor Shores returns to normalcy. I particularly likedhow the Paw Paw River weaves its way into the back nine on holes 14, 15 and 18. On the day weplayed, boaters were out which made for an unprecedented happenstance at the par-four 18th holewhere the river runs parallel to the hole.

One of our players sadly shanked his tee shot and quickly yelled “Fore!” to a passing boat filled withpassengers. Luckily, his errant shot missed them and no “Abandon Ship” was sounded. I’ve beenplaying golf for over 50 years and I never heard anyone yell “Fore!” at a boat. Heck, that incident aloneand the laughs it engendered guaranteed Harbor Shores a very special and reconsidered place in myreview book. Visit http://www.harborshoreslife.com

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=====================GREAT LAKES BAY GOLF=====================This past weekend we visited the Great Lakes Bay Region, which encompasses the tri-city, Bay City,Saginaw and Midland areas. There are a number of nice courses there waiting for the vacationinggolfer. Here is a brief description of each of their championship courses.

The Fortress Golf Coursehttp://www.zehnders.com/golf/fortressgolfcourse.htmErich Kuhlman, former U of M collegiate player, is the Head Golf Professional of The Fortress. He hada modest professional career and is now settling down to run The Fortress and instructing those golfersin the area.

The Fortress was designed in 1992 by golf architect Dick Nugent, The Fortress has 75 bunkers awaitingyou, but the course also gives you greens that average 7,500 square feet. The Fortress plays to 6,813yards at the tips.

After your game, you can enjoy the trappings of Frankenmuth, one of Michigan's tourist treasures.

****The Sawmill was designed by golf course architect John Sanford, Jr , who also designed AppleMountain and The Quest in Houghton Lake. The course is part of a real estate development and fitsinto tight piece of land that yields a course that is 6735 yards from the Championship tees. AdamFairchild is the head golf professionalhttp://thesawmill.com/

****Bay Valley GolfThe Bay Valley Resort course was designed by Desmond Muirhead. It was the only course thatMuirhead designed in Michigan, but it mirrors his legacy of developing memorable golf course and realestate development. Jack Nicklaus was influenced by his work and hired Muirhead to help with thedesign of Muirfield. Bay Valley has water on 13 its holes and thus can be a real challenge to getaround the course without losing one or two balls.http://www.bayvalley.com/golf.htm

Apple Mountain Golf CourseApple Mountain also serves as a mid-Michigan ski resort. As stated before, the course was designed byJohn Sanford, Jr. It is a fun course to play.

Chad J. Maxim, a Ferris State grad, is the Head Golf Professional. http://applemountain.com

===================================================================TREETOPS FALL UNLIMITED $99 GOLF PACKAGE BEGINS SEPTEMBER 27TH===================================================================Your $99 package* includes:• One night's stay (Any available hotel room)• One breakfast (Any available restaurant)

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• Unlimited use of range• Unlimited golf from the moment you arrive until the moment you depart (Any available course).

This offer is good from September 27, 2011 through the end of the 2011 season Call 1-888-TREETOPS book your package today!

*Certain Restrictions Apply• Based on double occupancy • Per person, per night• Subject to availability • Price does not include Taxes and Gratuities.

Here's their fall closing schedule:Rick Smith Tradition – closes on October 3rdRick Smith Signature – closes on October 10thTom Fazio Premier – closes on October 17thThreetops – closes on October 17thRobert Trent Jones, Sr. Masterpiece – closes on October 24th

http://treetops.com

========================================WHERE WOULD YOU PLAY? - By Bill Shelton========================================The three most important factors in real estate seem to be “location, location, location.” For seriousgolfers, it is all about favorite courses and golfing destinations so I pose this question: “If you couldonly play golf in one area for the rest of your life, where would it be?” Most golfers would probablyidentify their home course as the favorite venue but thinking more broadly, what is your favorite golfingdestination where you would play ALL of your future rounds? For the moment forget about cost, traveltime, professional and personal obligations.

Several choices come quickly to mind: Northern Michigan has to be a top candidate because of thequality of the championship courses, resort amenities, scenic vistas with rolling terrain, verdantwoodlands, and crystal lakes. For pure golfing pleasure in the summer, it would be hard to find a morealluring venue. Desert golf in the Phoenix/Scottsdale area of Arizona offers a plethora of coursesfeaturing lush fairways and greens carved into the cacti covered wasteland. For golfers who value“target” golf, this area is a mecca! And, golf can be played all year but expect super heat in the summermonths and keep an eye out for the ever-present rattlers and other varmints.

Myrtle Beach, SC, may well be home to more golf courses, over 100, than anywhere else in the world.Originally considered a primary late winter/early spring destination for Canadian golfers, MB hasbecome a year-round playground for both golfers and families with over 25 miles of white sand beachesalong the Atlantic Ocean. Lesser recognized but growing in golfing popularity are the Orlando, Floridaarea and the Robert Trent Jones Trail in Alabama. Outside the USA, the Scottish links would surelyrank high. Golfing those windswept, pot-bunkered, grouse-lined fairways is a golfing experience uniqueto all others--and those after-round pub times cap off a memorable day!

The final entry to the best venues for serious golf happens to be my favorite--the Sandhills of NorthCarolina, namely the Pinehurst area. Recently I returned to the quaint, New England style village

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recently for three days and rekindled those warm fuzzy feelings that began over 30 years ago.Admittedly there is more traffic, 43 golf courses as compared to the dozen or so a few decades ago, anda bit more commercialization. But, the aura and magic still is as awe-inspiring as always.

In 1895, Boston philanthropist James Walker Tufts purchased 598 acres for $1.25 per acre toconstruct a “first rate” health spa and resort. He hired Fredrick Law Olmstead (designer of CentralPark and the Biltmore Estate) to layout the resort and surrounding village. Tufts also acquired anadditional 5500 acres of clear-cut sand hills that would be the setting for the golf courses. In 1900, hecontracted Donald Ross to develop the golf facilities. Interestingly, Ross did not actually design the firstPinehurst course. An original 9-hole course was built by Leroy Culver in 1898 (Course 1) butimmediately redone and expanded by Ross in 1900.

In addition to the health spa and golf, a variety of other sporting activities were offered in the Villageincluding polo, hunting, archery, and tennis. The legendary markswoman, Annie Oakley, was in chargeof the Pinehurst Gun Club.

The centerpiece of the Village is the famed Carolina hotel, dubbed the “White House of Golf.” Openedin 1901, the four diamond edifice offers 230 guest rooms, formal dining rooms, and numerous otherlounges and novelty shops. The 31,000 sq. feet spa has won numerous awards and ranks among the“best pampering” experiences in America. Three other inns, Holly, Magnolia, and Pine Crest wereamong the earliest Village establishments and continue to operate today. In my opinion, for the truegolfer there is no better choice than the Pine Crest Inn. Certainly the Carolina offers more elegance andsouthern gentility, but what golfer would not want to stay in an inn owned by the great course architectDonald Ross. The inn was constructed in 1913 but purchased by Ross in 1921 and owned until hisdeath in 1948. The white-planked, canopied structure with a dozen rockers on the front porch reeks ofgolfing history. There are 35 standard rooms and 5 “corner rooms” in the inn plus the TelephoneCottage just across the parking lot. If you want some golfing magic to rub off on you request room 205.In 1959 Jack Nicklaus stay in it and won the North and South Amateur. In 1989 Jack Nicklaus II stayedin the room and won the North and South Amateur! Room rates include a country breakfast and four-course dinner--and the food is so good! To relive the day’s round, golfers gather in Mr. B’s Lounge (oncevoted “Best 19th Hole in America) or have a friendly wager at the chipping hole in front of the lobbyfireplace. On my first stay at the Pine Crest PGA pro Gary Hallberg was working on his pitching skillsat the chipping hole.For those less energetic, sitting and rocking on the porch with a favorite beverage isalways an option.

But, first and foremost, Pinehurst is about golf. From the original 5 resort courses starting and ending atthe clubhouse, today there are 43 courses within a 15-mile radius of the Village (actually now amunicipality). The resort has expanded to 8 courses but continues to be known for the unsurpassedNumber 2 layout. The courses have hosted the Ryder Cup, US Opens, PGA Championships, andprestigious amateur tournaments. Additionally, the Pine Needles resort, owned by Peggy Kirk Bell, hashosted the LPGA Open and is recognized along with its sister course, Mid Pines, as premier golfexperiences. (Pine Needles is my favorite course in the Village.) Both courses are Ross designs. Amongthe other courses, The Pit and Tobacco Road offer rather unique course challenges. Today almost all ofthe big-time architects have designed courses here including Jones, Palmer, Nicklaus, Fazio, Love III,and both Ellis and Dan Maples. The Coore-Crenshaw restoration of Number 2 to the original layout ofDonald Ross has been completed in preparation for both the PGA and LPGA US Opens in 2014. Golfcan be played year-round though occasional winter extremes and a few mid-summer days may beuncomfortable.

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Pinehurst Village, nestled among the elegant long-leaf pines of the North Carolina sand hills, has beendubbed “Home to American Golf” and compared favorably to St. Andrews for its impact on the game.In 1996 it was declared a National Landmark for its role in US golf history. It is truly a golfer’s paradiseand my favorite destination. I have had the pleasure of playing golf all around our nation and inScotland but Pinehurst has a golfing aura that cannot be matched. There’s a country song that sayssomething to the effect that when I die, let me go to heaven but if I can’t, just let me go the Texas. Forme, the words are let me go to heaven but if I can’t, just let me go to Pinehurst! And where do you wantto go?

========================================================================FIELDSTONE GOLF CLUB: THE COURSE & MORNING COMES TO FIELDSTONE========================================================================When attending the Michigan Golf Hall of Fame Induction at Indianwood that honored Arthur Hillsthis past May, Gordon Marmion, Fieldstone GC Director of Golf http://www.fieldstonegolfclub.comand I decided we would do a couple of videos of this Auburn Hills beauty that was designed by ArthurHills/Steve Forrest and Associates www.arthurhills.com . Actually that morphed into three shows, twoof them now showing on the Michigan Golfer channel http://michigangolfer.tv/2011shows/fieldstone/with a third featuring Art Hills, at a later date.

The planned show is a brisk view of the 18 hole layout of Fieldstone Golf Club, the second showoccurred when we decided to use some of our video and photos of the course we shot as it was wakingup to a new day. Jennie McCafferty and Gary Morgan assisted on the shoot, so with three cameras, wehad some nice footage. We also added a couple of compositions from musical composer, Jamie Fallon.We feel his music gave the videos an elegant touch. We hope you enjoy our videos that showcase whatthe Detroit News says is the 3rd Best Golf Course in Southeastern Michigan.http://michigangolfer.tv/2011shows/fieldstone/

============================================================ASGCA SUPPORTS GOLF INDUSTRY EFFORTS TO 'TEE IT FORWARD"============================================================The American Society of Golf Course Architects (ASGCA) stands alongside allied golf organizations insupporting the “Tee it Forward” campaign, says ASGCA President Rick Phelps. “Tee it Forward”encourages golfers of all ages and abilities to play from tees which best match their ability. Participantsin the program also include the United States Golf Association, the PGA of America and the GolfCourse Superintendents Association of America.

Promoting play from different tees is not new to ASGCA members; most have been designing coursesfor years with multiple tee boxes and other design elements to promote greater enjoyment. Because ofthis experience, ASGCA members are committed to working with clients to adjust golf courses asnecessary to meet player needs.

“ASGCA applauds the efforts of the Allied Associations and the ‘Tee it Forward’ campaign,”Phelps said. "We support the concept that has become ‘Tee it Forward’ and believe we can be a valuableresource moving forward as our members have honed and developed projects in this area for years."

Courses designed by ASGCA members range from some of the longest and most challenging in thegame to smaller, family-friendly facilities. In all cases, however, tees are designed to provide players afun experience, where they can score based on their ability and develop their game.

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==============================================================================KUPELIAN IS THE CHAMPIONS TOUR INSIDER AND A PGATOUR.COM CONTRIBUTOR==============================================================================Former Detroit News reporter and Past President of the GWAA, Vartan Kupelian , is the ChampionsTour Insider and a PGATOUR.COM Contributor. Each week, Kupelian sizes up the field and provideshis top 5 players going into the tournament, based on factors such as the player's strengths, the coursesetup, recent performances, etc.

Kupelian's research revealed that there are five golfers in the field at Inverness who previously won titlesat the Toledo, Ohio, club. They are, in chronological order, Craig Stadler (1973 U.S. Amateur), HaleIrwin (1979 U.S. Open), Bob Tway (1986 PGA Championship), Paul Azinger (1993 PGAChampionship) and Bruce Lietzke (2003 U.S. Senior Open).http://www.pgatour.com

===================================================MICHIGAN GOLFER MAGAZINE ONLINE SUMMER ISSUE

http://michigangolfer.com====================================================Table of ContentsMemorable Masters - By Jack BerryImpressions of the 100th Michigan Amateur - By Terry MooreCollegiate Golf : Eastern Michigan University Eagles - By Chris LewisStephanie Kin Wins Island Resort Championship - By Lisa MickeyNorthern Indiana Golf - By Mike DuffMichigan Golf Hall of Fame: Class of 2011Collegiate Golf - University of Detroit Mercy Titans - By Chris Lewis

========================================PETER JACOBSEN AND THE GAME OF GOLF========================================PETE KOWALSKI: I want to ask you one question, and then we'll kind of wrap this up, hopefully. Can you share with ussome of your comments about what the game itself really means to you?

PETER JACOBSEN: Well, my father was an unbelievable guy. He was a serviceman. He was a Navy flier off the Intrepidand the Enterprise aircraft carriers in the war. So there was no slacking off in our household when welearned how to play the game. We had to be serious about it and we had to learn how to do everythingright.

But he always said at the end of the day, remember it's a game and you're supposed to have fun andenjoy yourself.I think that's the one thing that when I first got my card and came out on the Tour, I pinched myself. Ihad to pinch myself that I was actually playing the game with these heros that my father admired andthat I watched on TV at the CBS Golf Classic and Shell's Wonderful World of Golf.

But as I was growing up playing the game and dreaming of being on the Tour, I never lost sight of thefact of those that made it possible for me to be able to do what I do. And it was all the professionals

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that I worked with at the club, and all the teaching professionals that helped me, and a lot of thoseteaching professionals came through the PGA of America.

But also, when I got my first paying job, which was working on the greens crew at Waverly CountryClub in Portland, I developed a healthy appreciation for how difficult it is to maintain a golf course andkeep it in championship shape day in and day out. People seem to forget that when we come to Inverness for one week of great golf, this golf course is in beautiful shape, but there are 51other weeks that the superintendent here at Inverness and all the golf clubs that we play, they've got tomaintain that golf course for the membership and for the public to come and enjoy that golf course. SoI understand how this machine works, and I appreciate it, and I don't take it lightly.

I'm serious about my golf, but I'm also serious about the enjoyment of golf. That's why I've alwaystried to look at myself. I don't take myself too seriously. I take my golf seriously, but I don't takemyself too seriously. Golf's a game, and I still have to pinch myself thinking that I get to play it for myliving and have fun doing it. I want to win, I want to beat everybody every time I play. I hope to winthis week and capture my second U.S. Senior Open Championship, but I'm going to have fun doing italong the way. There is no question about that. -- FastScripts by ASAP Sports

===================MINZEY'S MUSINGS===================PILOT vs PRIEST................. The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed insunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ' Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you tothe Kingdom of Heaven ? '

The guy replies, ' I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .'

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff andenter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, ' I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's forthe last 43 years. '

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, ' Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enterthe Kingdom.

' Just a minute, ' says the good father. ' That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staffand I get only cotton and wood. How can this be ?

' Up here - we go by results, ' says Saint Peter.

' When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed. '

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=============================================BULWER-LYTTON FICTION CONTEST 2011 RESULTS=============================================Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts intobloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.Sue Fondrie-Oshkosh, WI

The winner of the 2011 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is Sue Fondrie, an associate professor ofCurriculum and Instruction at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh who works groan-inducingwordplay into her teaching and administrative duties whenever possible. Out of school, she introducestwo members of the next generation to the mysteries of Star Trek, Star Wars, and--of course--the art ofthe bad pun.

Prof. Fondrie is the 29th grand prize winner of the contest that that began at San Jose State Universityin 1982. The contest challenges entrants to compose bad opening sentences to imaginary novels takesits name from the Victorian novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who began his “Paul Clifford” with“It was a dark and stormy night.”

At 26 words, Prof. Fondrie’s submission is the shortest grand prize winner in Contest history, provingthat bad writing need not be prolix, or even very wordy.

Runner-Up:As I stood among the ransacked ruin that had been my home, surveying the aftermath of the senselesshorrors and atrocities that had been perpetrated on my family and everything I hold dear, I swore tomyself that no matter where I had to go, no matter what I had to do or endure, I would find the manwho did this . . . and when I did, when I did, oh, there would be words.Rodney Reed- Ooltewah, TN

Winner: Adventure From the limbs of ancient live oaks moccasins hung like fat black sausages -- which are sometimescalled boudin noir, black pudding or blood pudding, though why anyone would refer to a sausage aspudding is hard to understand and it is even more difficult to divine why a person would knowingly eatsomething made from dried blood in the first place -- but be that as it may, our tale is of voodoo andfoul murder, not disgusting food. Jack Barry - Shelby, NC

Runner-Up: Sensing somehow a scudding lay in the offing, Skipper Bob tallied his tasks: reef the mains'l, mizzen,and jib, strike and brail the fores'l, mizzen stays'l and baggywrinkles, bowse the halyards, mainsheets,jacklines and vangs, turtle and belay fast the small cock, flemish the taffrail warps, batten the boobyhatch, lay by his sou'wester, and find the bailing bucket. Mike Mayfield - Austin, TX

Winner: CrimeWearily approaching the murder scene of Jeannie and Quentin Rose and needing to determine if thiswas the handiwork of the Scented Strangler--who had a twisted affinity for spraying his victims with hissignature raspberry cologne--or that of a copycat, burnt-out insomniac detective Sonny Kirkland wassure of one thing: he’d have to stop and smell the Roses.Mark Wisnewski - Flanders, NJ

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P. 17J U L Y 2 9, 2 0 1 1 - M I C H I G A N G O L F E R N E W S

Runner-Up:Five minutes before his scheduled execution, Kip found his thoughts turning to his childhood-- all thoseyears ago before he had become a contract killer whose secret weakness was a severe peanut allergy,even back before he lost half of a toe in a gardening accident while doing community service-- butespecially to Corinne, the pretty girl down the street whom he might have ended up marrying one day ifshe had only shown him a little more damn respect.Andrew Baker - Highland Park, NJ

Dishonorable Mention: The victim was a short man, with a face full of contradictions: amalgam, composite, dental porcelain,with both precious and non-precious metals all competing for space in a mouth that was open, bloody,terrifying, gaping, exposing a clean set of asymptomatic impacted wisdom teeth, but clearly the objectof some very comprehensive dental care, thought Dirk Graply, world-famous womanizer, tough guy,detective, and former dentist. Basil McDonnell - Vancouver, B.C.

Winner: Fantasy Within the smoking ruins of Keister Castle, Princess Gwendolyn stared in horror at the limp form of theloyal Centaur who died defending her very honor; “You may force me to wed,” she cried at the leeringand victorious Goblin King, “but you’ll never be half the man he was.”Terri Daniel - Seattle, WA

Runner-Up: Veronica, two months pregnant and attempting to get her boyfriend to notice, and Ricky, who wantedto end things with his expansive girlfriend, sat at a table-for-two around lunchtime at the Olive Gardenin Columbus, Ohio, eying the bottle of house rosé which, unbeknownst to them, doubled as the portalkey to Khrysandelt: The land where everything glitters slightly more than normal. Andrew Allingham - Fairfax, VA

Winner: Historical FictionNapoleon’s ship tossed and turned as the emperor, listening while his generals squabbled as they alwaysdid, splashed the tepid waters in his bathtub.John Doble - New York City

Runner-Up:The executioner sneered as the young queen ascended the stairs to the guillotine; in the old days, hethought, at least there was some buildup, a little time on the rack or some disemboweling, butnowadays everyone wants instant gratification. Andrea Rossi - Wilmington, NC

Winner: Purple ProseAs his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds withindigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at thehorizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue. Mike Pedersen - North Berwick, ME

Runner-Up:The Los Angeles morning was heavy with smog, the word being a portmanteau of smoke and fog,

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though in LA the pollutants are typically vehicular emissions as opposed to actual smoke and fog,unlike 19th-century London where the smoke from countless small coal fires often combined with fogoff the Thames to produce true smog, though back then they were not clever enough to call it that. Jack Barry - Shelby, NC

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

=======================================================================SARAH JOHNSON EARNS MEDALIST HONORS IN 95TH MICHIGAN AMATEUR =======================================================================Sarah Johnson (Wixom/Eastern Michigan University) continued her winning ways in the second roundof stroke play at the 95th Michigan Women’s Amateur at Prestwick Village Golf Club with a one-over-par 73 to follow yesterday’s four-under round of 68. Her total of 141 earned her medalist honors forthe tournament.

“It was a little windier today so I didn’t hit as many greens,” said Johnson. “My putter wasn’t quite ashot as yesterday but I was definitely driving the ball better – longer and straighter.”

Johnson said she had one bad hole – the par 4, 348-yard 16th. Her drive was almost out of bounds, andthen she hit a tree but still managed to escape with minimal damage.

“It was a bad hole but I managed to get out with just a bogey,” said Johnson. “I was 2-over after thefirst three holes today but I got that back on the next hole. I ended up with three birdies today for oneover so not a bad round overall.”

Gabrielle Yurik (Oakland/Stony Creek) was one of three golfers to shoot under par in the second round.She followed yesterday’s 73 with a 71 for a total of 144. After yesterday’s round she said she wouldtake all of the good things from that round and bring them to the second round.

“I feel like I was able to do that today,” said Yurik. “I hit a lot more greens today and no three putts sothat helped me. I’ve used the same strategy the last two days and it worked well so I don’t think I amgoing to change that.”

Christine Meier (Rochester Hills/Michigan State University) also shot a 71 in the second round for atotal of 147. Emmie Pietila (Brighton/Brighton High School) had a two-under par 70 for a total of 148.

The cut was at 157 for match play with four players having to go to a four-way playoff for three spots.Match play begins tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. with top seed and stroke play medalist Johnson teeing offagainst 32nd seed Christina Cibrario (Milford).

Call 586-556-0198 Susan Smiley for more information or email [email protected].

95th GAM Women’s Amateur

Prestwick Village - Final Stroke Play ResultsSarah Johnson (Wixom) 68-73—141 medalistGabrielle Yurik (Oakland) 73 – 71—144Sarah Hoffnan (Saline) 72-74--146

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Leah Grawburg (Mount Pleasant) 75-72--147Christine Meier (Rochester Hills) 76—71—147Shana Bauer (Grand Blanc) 74-74—148Alanna Gerber (Hudsonville) 75-73—148Emmie Pietila (Brighton) 78-70—148Meagan Bauer (Grand Blanc) 74-75—149Andrea Clark (Jackson) 72-77—149Elizabeth Ecker (Niles) 74-75—149Melissa Beurmann (Jackson) 76-74--150Heather Marks (Byron Center) 78-72—150Chloe Lawrie (Swartz Creek) 77-74—151Devon Compton (Rochester) 75-77--152Hannah Lewis (Plainwell) 75-77--152Liz Nagel (DeWitt) 77=75--152Stacy Slobodnik-Stoll (Haslett) 75-77—152Natalie Brehm (Mount Pleasant) 75-78—153Kimberly Dinh (Midland) 75-78—153Ali Restaino (Birmingham) 76-76--154Carly Saint-Onge (Marquette) 73-81--154Samantha Troyanovich (St. Clair Shores) 74-80—154Stephanie Ross (Owosso) 75-80—155Michelle Hall (Flushing) 78-78--156Kelly Hartigan (Clinton Twp.) 77-79--156Mara Kovac (Lansing) 80-76--156Lindsey McPherson (Flushing) 76-80--156Ella Pendy (Grosse Pointe Farms) 73-83—156Christina Cibrario (Milford) 79-78--157Maddi Massa (Holt) 79-78--157Amy Ruthenberg (East Lansing) 81-76 --157

=============================================================MICHIGAN GOLFER TELEVISION CHANNEL -- 2011 SHOWS

http://michigangolfer.tv/archives.html=============================================================

**************************** NOW PLAYING ***************************Thunder Bay Golf ResortJack the Antler GuyMorning Comes to Fieldstone GCA Tour of the Fieldstone Golf Club's 18 HolesSwinging at a Wish TournamentRick Smith Academy with Henry YoungLadies Golf School at Treetops Resort with Judy MasonThe Treetops Cup Brian O'Neill and the Nike Golf CampMGCOA Legislative Golf Day100th Anniversary of Michigan AmateurTerry Moore Interview with Jennie McCafferty

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Terry Moore - Michigan Golf Hall of Fame - Class of 2010Art Hills - Michigan Golf Hall of Fame - Class of 2010Don Perne' - Michigan Golf Hall of Fame - Class of 2010Jim Briegel - Michigan Golf Hall of Fame - Class of 2010Vartan Kupelian and his Golf Writer's Association of America PresidencyPractice Makes Perfect - Photography by Jennie McCaffertyThe Sundance Course at A-Ga-Ming: Narrated by Jerry MatthewsAntrim Dells Becomes an A-Ga-Ming Property: Mike Brown InterviewedIt Started with Chick Harbert: The Torch Course at A-Ga-MingAntrim Dells GC: Narrated by Jerry MatthewsBucks Run Golf Club with Jon ConklinArcadia Bluffs - A Top Stay and Play ExperienceJason Guss Golf AcademyBoyne Golf Schools and Boyne Golf Academy at King ParTullymore Has New Leadership with the Returning Terry SchieberThe Michigan Cup - Top Jr. Golfers Battle it out Ryder Cup StyleKevin O'Brien Joins True North Team25th Anniversary Preview of the Jones Masterpiece at Treetops with Kevin McKinley and Jack Berry25th Anniversary Preview of The Legend at Shanty Creek Resort with Brian Kautz and Jack Berry100th Anniversary Preview of the Michigan Amateur with David Graham and Jack BerryBoyne's Tournament Season and Golf Packages with Jeff Ecceleston and Jack BerryBrian O'Neill's Quick Golf TipsLochenHeath is Back and Basking with Mike Husby and Jack BerryLPGA Futures Tour - Island Resort Championship at Sweetgrass with Dave Douglas and Jack BerryRailside Golf Club @ Byron Center - Club Membership on the Rise with Jim Bultema and Jack BerryPGA Michigan and Patriot Day with Kevin McKinley and Jack BerryThe Treetops Cup: USA vs Canada - Ryder Cup Style with Kevin McKinley and Jack BerryThe Madness at Marsh Ridge Resort Larry Bowden and Jack BerryThe Cyber-Geezer a.k.a. Thad Gutowski with Peter Fitzsimons and Al Lynch

http://michigangolfer.tv/archives.html

*********************** COMING ATTRACTIONS ***********************

Paul W. Smith Golf ClassicStowe Mountain Golf ClubU.S. Senior Open at Inverness Club California Golf

=========================================MICHIGAN GOLFER CALENDAR OF EVENTS=========================================JULY29-31 U.S. Senior Open / Inverness Club / Toledo, Ohio /

http://www.usga.org/ChampsSchedule.aspx?taxid=1717986920129-30 Tournament of Champions, Pro Am - Boyne Mountain Resort, Boyne Falls

http://michigan.pga.com29-31 Butch Harmon Showcase, The Loon Golf Course, Gaylord

http://www.loongolfresort.com/

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AUGUST1-3 Tournament of Champions, Boyne Mountain Resort, Boyne Falls

http://michigan.pga.com2-5 Junior PGA Championship. Sycamore Hills Golf Club, Fort Wayne, INhttp://www.pga.com/pga-america/feature/sycamore-hills-gc-selected-host-2010-junior-pga-championship8 Pro Assistant Championship, Treetops, Gaylord11 MGCOA Summer Golf Outing

http://mgcoa.org8-14 U.S. Women's Amateur / Rhode Island Country Club / Barrington, R.I.

http://www.usga.org/ChampsSchedule.aspx?taxid=171798692018-14 PGA Championship, Atlanta Athletic Club, Atlanta, GA15-16 GAM Championship, Barton Hills CC, MI

http://gam.org17-18 13th GAM Women's Mid Am, Oak Pointe CC, Brighton, MI

http://gam.org22-28 U.S. Amateur / Erin Hills / Erin, Wis.

http://www.usga.org/ChampsSchedule.aspx?taxid=1717986920129-31 Michigan PGA Championship, Eagle Eye GC, Bath

http://michigan.pga.com29-30 15th Annual GAM Women's Senior Tournament, Belvedere GC, Charlevoix, MI

http://gam.org

SEPTEMBER1-2 GAM Mid-Amateur, Boyne Highlands, Harbor Springs, MI

http://gam.org2-4 Patriot Golf Day Shootout, Gaylord, MI

http://treetops.com 7-11 Michigan Pro-Am Golf Tournament, Shanty Creek, Mi10-11 Walker Cup / Royal Aberdeen Golf Club / Aberdeen, Scotland

http://www.usga.org/ChampsSchedule.aspx?taxid=1717986920110-15 USGA Senior Amateur / Kinloch Golf Club / Manakin-Sabot, Va

http://www.usga.org/ChampsSchedule.aspx?taxid=1717986920112-14 Match Play Championship, Forest Akers, East Lansing

http://michigan.pga.com19-20 25th GAM Senior Championship, Spring Lake CC, Spring Lake, MI

http://gam.org22-25 The Tour Championship, East Lake CC, Atlanta, GA22-25 41st Golf Collectors Society Meeting & Trade Show-Ann Arbor Marriott Ypsilanti at Eagle

Crest Resorthttp://www.golfcollectors.com/events.html

25-27 Pepsi Fall Charity Invitational, Gaylord, MIhttp://treetops.com

25 MGCOA Golf League Championship at Hawk Hollow Golf Course, Bathhttp://MGCOA.org

29/10/1 2nd annual Natalie Gulbis Showcase, The Loon GC, Gaylord

OCTOBER8-9 Toughman/Princess Scramble Gaylord, MI

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http://treetops.com31 PGA Fall Meeting

NOVEMBER17-20 President's Cup, Royal Melbourne, Victoria, AUS29/12-1 MGCOA Golf Business Conference and Vendor Show at the Somerset Inn in Troy

http://MGCOA.org

2012JANUARY13-15 Southwest Michigan Golf Show at the Kalamazoo Expo Center, Kalamazoo

MARCH2-4 Michigan Golf Show, Novi

SEPTEMBER25-30 Ryder Cup, Medinah CC, Chicago, IL

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