Mcguffy's news Brockville 05 23

State Farm • Canadian Head Offices: Aurora, Ontario • statefarm.ca™P045003CN 12/04

WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT.We share a commitment to serve our community. Thank you

newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs.Rick Beer, Agent

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Bus: [email protected]

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Townsman Ltd., BrokerageIndependently owned & operated 116 King Street W., Brockville, On

Helping You Make The Right Move!

Rick Burt C.E.T.Sales Representative

Direct: 613-498-7547O�ce:613-345-2121 ext 316

[email protected]

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Please Join our Broad Band of Expertise in Workforce Solutions

Virginia StennerBranch Manager105 King St WBrockville [email protected]

ManpowerGroup SolutionsPermanent PlacementSkilled TradesAssessments

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Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915

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5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!

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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 [email protected]

Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com

McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada!

www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Brockville and1000 Islands

[email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

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Great Pricing & Deals!

Get Dad a New Boatfor Father’s Day!

VOL.

5

Issu

e 23

✓ ✓ ✓ ✓✓

Your business, your needs,

our help

Your business, your needs, our help

Doug PhillipsFinancial Security Advisor613-342-4401, ext. [email protected]

Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHUFinancial Security Advisor613-342-4401, ext. [email protected]

Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.

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Sitting Next To A Parrot

Necessary Operationa surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. after studying the

x-rays and the charts, he turned to the man and said, “Could you pay for an operation if i told you it was necessary?”

The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, “Would you find one necessary if i told you i couldn’t pay for it?”

Empowering Thoughts

qui

ck

Joke

Funny SignsIn A Comic Book Store

Very Funny, Scotty Now Beam Up My Clothes

nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

silly

q

uote If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

~ Judith Manners

Relaxation means releasing all concern and tension and letting the natural order of life flow through one’s being. ~ Donald Curtis

Stress is an ignorant state. it believes that everything is an emergency. noth-ing is that important. ~ Natalie Goldberg

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace. ~ Robert J. Sawyer

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I pay very little regard to what any young person says on the subject of mar-riage. if they profess a disinclination for it, i only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person. ~ Jane Austen

DescriptiveThe dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating

electric fan set on medium.

on reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "and get me a juice ugly lady!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "and get me another juice you idiot". quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "i've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or i'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging down-wards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

“In �e Of Brockville”

What Do You Want

To Re�ect?

Guys & Gals Full Service SalonSteph Saunders Owner

[email protected] 165 King St W Brockville613-498-9898

“Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$”

Little Bear Bookkeepingwww.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

Patricia Doucette Owner/Bookkeeper613-246-6482

Start UpBank ReconciliationGov’t Remittances

Payroll-ROE’s-T4’sSource DocumentationMonthly Financial Statements

www.dkl�ooring.com

For All Your Hardwood NeedsSpecializing in re�nishing Old Wood Floors

“Restore Your Floor and More”

Chris Plume 613-349-4500chris@dkl�ooring.com

Floor Refinishing Fully Licensed & InsuredOver

15 Years

Experience

Loving atmosphereTrims Baths Nails

Paula FairfieldOwner/operatorBrockville, On.

613-345-6220By appointment only

www.mydoggroomerpawla.com

Now they need you to help them make the right decision

Your parents helped youcross the street safely, learn

to ride a bike and drive a car

248 Park St., W., Prescott613-925-3784

www.chartwellreit.ca

Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON

613-345-1909

HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?

Email the [email protected]

BESTPRICEALWAYS

SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS

Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboardBig Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays A

GE

OF

MAJORITY

Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919

Sam’s June Line-Up:

June 9 Cancer Society Summer

June 8 Journey MenJune 9 Generation ZX (3-7)

Fiesta $5 7pm Fundraiser for relay for life - DJ

June 15 Little CaliforniaJune 22 Gypsy MoonJune 29 Full Circle

Visit

ou

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eW W

ebsite W

WW

.mC

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FFysneW

sbroC

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613 - 498 - 23954014 Hwy 29, Brockville, ON

(Just north of Tincap’s only tra�c light)

Open: Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 9am - 1pm

Gift Certi�catesMake Great

Gifts!

(Red or White)$89.99*30 Bottles of House Wine

(see store for details)

Experience the joy of wine making! Wine created by you!

McGuffy’s News Website!!attention readers! now even more fun, mcguffy’s

news has now websites in brockville and Prescott. you can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mc-guffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JoKe oF tHe Day! (you can even submit a joke-clean of course!) or see our ViDeo oF tHe WeeK! or CHeCK out tHe most ComPreHensiVe Community eVents CalenDar in tHe area (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations etc) and also view our Community PHoto gallery (you can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photos/ garden/fishing/ etc. anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have sudoku and Crosswords you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!

Check it out today and share with friends and fam-ily that mcguffy’s news is now on-line in your area!!!

Le Theif

Marketing Gone Awry

The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “bite the Wax tadpole” or “Female Horse stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect.

Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translat-ing into “Happiness in the mouth.”

recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his econoline van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

“i had no monet to buy Degas to make the Van gogh.”

Real Ads The Following Are Real Ads ~ Classified And Otherwise 1. no matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it

really repellent. 2. For sale—eight puppies from a german shepherd and an alaskan hussy. 3. great Dames for sale. 4. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. 5. Dog for sale—eats anything and is fond of children. 6. Vacation special—have your home exterminated.

qui

ck

quo

te A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~ Ruth Bell Graham

♪ Music Notes ♫

qui

ck

rid

dle

• time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing

• time is what keeps everything from happening at once

• to be loved, be lovable

• to be old and wise you must first be young and stupid

• to err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy

• turn signals: not just for smart people anymore

• unlike online, in reality, you can’t hit the back button

• Want to be somebody? Don’t drive after drinking

Bumper Snickers

Starting to Forget?

True Meaning of Adoption

soon after her brother was born, little sachi began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. but she showed no signs of jealousy. she treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. They decided to allow it. elated, she went into the baby's room and shut the door, but it opened a crack — enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, "baby, tell me what god feels like. i'm starting to forget."

teacher Cindy moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family.

one little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. one child sug-gested that he was adopted and a little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, "i know all about adoptions because i was adopted."

"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child. "it means," said Jocelynn, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."

in a marathon race what does the winning runner lose?

Their breath!

♪ The CD was developed by Philips and sony in 1980.

♪ 40 billion songs are downloaded illegally every year, that’s some 90% of all music downloads.

♪ The music industry generates about $4 billion in online music but loses about $40 billion to illegal downloads.

♪ top-selling albums used to reach sales of 20 million copies before the ad vent of online piracy – by 2009 it had dropped to about 5 million.

♪ The number of recorded CDs and blank CDs sold were about equal.

♪ about one-third of recorded CDs ever sold were pirated.

Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129

24/7 Service

Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.

3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT.

Call the plumbing & water experts today!

Need a special Book?Give us a call

613-342-5728

This areas #1 supplier of topographical maps & river [email protected]

Open 7 Days a

Week!

Courtney SadlerOwner

73 King St WBrockville, ON

www.leedscountybooks.caShop On-line

With Us!Order

Any Book!!

HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249

Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service

Early Spring Special!Save 25% OFF

We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

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in McGu�y’s News!

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Word Ads Starting at$15.(50 Words or Less)

Call Jon613-342-0428Today!

jon@mcgu�ysnews.com

Need anelectrifying ad?

Call Jon(613) 342-0428

Look Back In Time

Bizarre Real Life Animal Laws

Sage AdviceQ: Why do hummingbirds hum? a: because they don’t know the words.

Q: Why do hens lay eggs? a: if they dropped them, they’d break.

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? a: because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede? a: a walkie-talkie, of course.

Questions & Answers

1. over in berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a “bright” red taillight securely attached to its rump.

2. Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of tahoe City, California.

3. in Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of seattle must be wearing a cowbell.

4. in burns, oregon, horses are allowed in the town’s taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.

5. you can’t blow your nose in public places in lea-hy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.

CRO

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Camp

Ever Wonder?• if a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights

crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

• if a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?

• if a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

• if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

• if a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

a woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. she was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.

“go to the marketplace,” he said, “and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road.” although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.

The next day the wise man said, “now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me.”

The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. after searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand. “you see,” said the old sage, “it’s easy to drop them, but it’s impossible to get them back. so it is with gossip. it doesn’t take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong.”

19951. oJ simpson is found innocent, october 4 (He was later found liable in a

second trial).

2. quebec, a province in Canada with majority French speaking citizens, defeats a referendum on quebec independence by less than 1 %

3. First planet outside our solar system found.

4. march 31, 1995. The singer selena quintanilla Perez was murdered in Corpus Christi, texas by her Fan Club President yolanda saldivar.

5. august 24 microsoft released its much anticipated Windows 95. mil-lions of dollars were spent on ad compaigns by microsoft and retail stores. This release sealed the deal in america becoming digitized.

I Have Learned... i’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, i’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me. ~ Age 15

Q &

a

Across4. buddy5. advisor8. earned awards11. rustic Dwelling13. sailing a crude raft

14. light narrow boat15. bunch, clusterDown1. Descriptive name2. brief note home3. Fun activity

4. angling6. large, friendly Fire7. roasting Dutch oven9. Frolicking in water10. makes by hand12. bsa or gsa unit

I Believei believe... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

Celebrity Quotes

“i’m not in competition with anybody but myself. my goal is to beat my last performance.

~ Celine Dion


18 Hole Mini Golf - Driving Range -Ticket Redemption Arcade Games

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DRIVING RANGE 2 Baskets / $9

Chipwagon Style Food

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(Limit 2 coupons per group) Expires 06/24/12

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18 HOLE MINIATURE GOLF 2 persons / $9

Bring This Ad In

Good Question• Why is there that little space inside strawberries,

as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

• Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

• if you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

• How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

• Did noah have woodpeckers on the ark? if he did, where did he keep them?

• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers are not afraid to print a Chapter 11?

• How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

• if the Fbi breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

Christie Aluminum Products

Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com

Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!

Denture Specialist

Aqua Plus Pools

Adam FishOwner

“Your Bridge Over Troubled Water”

613-340-9556 613-213-1888Don’t Wait! Call Today!

Book Your Pool Opening with Aqua Plus Pools & save 25% O� on Pool Closing.

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Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication

• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Itrix

51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200

Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary

ColemanOwner

ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP Golden Soles

Gift CertificatesAvailable

Eastern Ontario's Largest Selec tion of Or thotic & Comfor t Footwear

46 King St East, Brockville, On613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330

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Bustiers

Pauline’s has everything you needfor your wedding day & night!

Perfect fitting lingerie is key to a stunning wedding dress!

Receive a free

garter or stockings with your purchase!

Before you dress - Be fitted for the gorgeous piecesthat will make you look your best!

Tummy TamersSexy Panties

Stockings & SleepwearStrapless Bras

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Estimates

New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]

Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured

Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable

1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]

DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT

Call Jonfor details.

(613) 342-0428

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

A Fresh Perspective

John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Ques-tion®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountabil-

ity’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ Denver, Colorado, usa 303-286-9900

[email protected]

Five Truths of Accountability

i've been speaking on or writing about Personal aCCount-ability since 1995—and i've come to believe there are five truths that are self-evident:

1. everybody wants everybody else to practice personal accountability. enough said.

2. individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to ac-countability/responsibility/ownership:

example: if i earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when the real estate market was peaking, but bought a half million dollar home—and then lost that home—it was due to "predatory lending." but if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth and comes back broke, we think, "Wow. That was really stupid. What a foolish thing for him to do!" sometimes, we need to say that to ourselves, and then ask The question behind the question (QbQ), "What can i learn from this experience?"

3. i am more effective in all roles—father, mother, professional, spouse, friend, volunteer—when i practice personal accountability.

4. life is more enjoyable—downright more fun!—when i walk on the High road of Personal accountability.

5. it's simply the "right thing to do." The wrong things to do are blame, whine, point fingers, play victim, become entitled—and expect others to bail me out of my bad choices.

now, if you don't agree with these five ideas—that's just fine. but that's the way i see it.

sudoku solution Crossword solution

Marveling At The Moon

on June 16, 1963, Colonel-engineer Valentina Vladimirovna tereshkova was a soviet cosmonaut and the first woman in space. sally ride, astronaut from the united states, became the first american woman in space in 1983. neil armstrong, astronaut for the united states, became the first person to walk on the moon. His moon walk took place on July 20, 1969. He trav-eled to the moon aboard apollo 11.

sergei Kirkalyov, cosmonaut from the soviet union, has spent the most time in space. He was aboard the space station for 2 years and 73 days.

Census ConundrumThe Problem:

a census taker approaches a house and asks the woman who answers the door, ”How many children do you have, and what are their ages?”

Woman: “i have three children, the product of their ages are 36, the sum of their ages are equal to the address of the house next door.”

The census taker walks next door, comes back and says, “i need more infor-mation.” The woman replies, “i have to go, my oldest child is sleeping upstairs.”

Census taker: “Thank you, i now have everything i need.” What are the ages of each of the three children?

The Solution:The reason the census taker could not figure out the children’s ages is be-

cause, even with knowing the number on the house next door, there were still two possibilities. The only way that the product could be 36 and still leave two possibilities is if the sum equals 13. These possibilities being 9, 2 and 2 or 6, 6 and 1.

When the home owner stated that her “oldest” child is sleeping she was giving the census taker the fact that there is an “oldest.” The children’s ages are therefore 9, 2 and 2.

Pick up mcguffy’s news every week!!

at over 140 locations in brockville/athensnorth augusta/lynmallorytown & rockport

Very Punnya man takes his rottweiler to the vet and says, “my dog’s cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him? “ “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” so he picks the dog up and

examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “i’m sorry, but i'm going to have to put him down.”

“What? because he’s cross-eyed?” wails the owner. “no, because he’s really heavy!”

“In �e Of Brockville”

What Do You Want

To Re�ect?

Guys & Gals Full Service SalonSteph Saunders Owner

[email protected] 165 King St W Brockville613-498-9898

“Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$”

Little Bear Bookkeepingwww.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

Patricia Doucette Owner/Bookkeeper613-246-6482

Start UpBank ReconciliationGov’t Remittances

Payroll-ROE’s-T4’sSource DocumentationMonthly Financial Statements

www.dkl�ooring.com

For All Your Hardwood NeedsSpecializing in re�nishing Old Wood Floors

“Restore Your Floor and More”

Chris Plume 613-349-4500chris@dkl�ooring.com

Floor Refinishing Fully Licensed & InsuredOver

15 Years

Experience

Loving atmosphereTrims Baths Nails

Paula FairfieldOwner/operatorBrockville, On.

613-345-6220By appointment only

www.mydoggroomerpawla.com

Now they need you to help them make the right decision

Your parents helped youcross the street safely, learn

to ride a bike and drive a car

248 Park St., W., Prescott613-925-3784

www.chartwellreit.ca

Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON

613-345-1909

HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?

Email the [email protected]

BESTPRICEALWAYS

SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS

Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboardBig Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays A

GE

OF

MAJORITY

Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919

Sam’s June Line-Up:

June 9 Cancer Society Summer

June 8 Journey MenJune 9 Generation ZX (3-7)

Fiesta $5 7pm Fundraiser for relay for life - DJ

June 15 Little CaliforniaJune 22 Gypsy MoonJune 29 Full Circle

Visit

ou

r n

eW W

ebsite W

WW

.mC

gu

FFysneW

sbroC

KV

ille.Ca

!

613 - 498 - 23954014 Hwy 29, Brockville, ON

(Just north of Tincap’s only tra�c light)

Open: Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 9am - 1pm

Gift Certi�catesMake Great

Gifts!

(Red or White)$89.99*30 Bottles of House Wine

(see store for details)

Experience the joy of wine making! Wine created by you!

McGuffy’s News Website!!attention readers! now even more fun, mcguffy’s

news has now websites in brockville and Prescott. you can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mc-guffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JoKe oF tHe Day! (you can even submit a joke-clean of course!) or see our ViDeo oF tHe WeeK! or CHeCK out tHe most ComPreHensiVe Community eVents CalenDar in tHe area (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations etc) and also view our Community PHoto gallery (you can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photos/ garden/fishing/ etc. anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have sudoku and Crosswords you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!

Check it out today and share with friends and fam-ily that mcguffy’s news is now on-line in your area!!!

Le Theif

Marketing Gone Awry

The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “bite the Wax tadpole” or “Female Horse stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect.

Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translat-ing into “Happiness in the mouth.”

recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his econoline van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

“i had no monet to buy Degas to make the Van gogh.”

Real Ads The Following Are Real Ads ~ Classified And Otherwise 1. no matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it

really repellent. 2. For sale—eight puppies from a german shepherd and an alaskan hussy. 3. great Dames for sale. 4. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. 5. Dog for sale—eats anything and is fond of children. 6. Vacation special—have your home exterminated.

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te A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~ Ruth Bell Graham

♪ Music Notes ♫

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• time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing

• time is what keeps everything from happening at once

• to be loved, be lovable

• to be old and wise you must first be young and stupid

• to err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy

• turn signals: not just for smart people anymore

• unlike online, in reality, you can’t hit the back button

• Want to be somebody? Don’t drive after drinking

Bumper Snickers

Starting to Forget?

True Meaning of Adoption

soon after her brother was born, little sachi began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. but she showed no signs of jealousy. she treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. They decided to allow it. elated, she went into the baby's room and shut the door, but it opened a crack — enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, "baby, tell me what god feels like. i'm starting to forget."

teacher Cindy moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family.

one little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. one child sug-gested that he was adopted and a little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, "i know all about adoptions because i was adopted."

"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child. "it means," said Jocelynn, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."

in a marathon race what does the winning runner lose?

Their breath!

♪ The CD was developed by Philips and sony in 1980.

♪ 40 billion songs are downloaded illegally every year, that’s some 90% of all music downloads.

♪ The music industry generates about $4 billion in online music but loses about $40 billion to illegal downloads.

♪ top-selling albums used to reach sales of 20 million copies before the ad vent of online piracy – by 2009 it had dropped to about 5 million.

♪ The number of recorded CDs and blank CDs sold were about equal.

♪ about one-third of recorded CDs ever sold were pirated.

Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129

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Look Back In Time

Bizarre Real Life Animal Laws

Sage AdviceQ: Why do hummingbirds hum? a: because they don’t know the words.

Q: Why do hens lay eggs? a: if they dropped them, they’d break.

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? a: because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede? a: a walkie-talkie, of course.

Questions & Answers

1. over in berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a “bright” red taillight securely attached to its rump.

2. Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of tahoe City, California.

3. in Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of seattle must be wearing a cowbell.

4. in burns, oregon, horses are allowed in the town’s taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.

5. you can’t blow your nose in public places in lea-hy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.

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Camp

Ever Wonder?• if a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights

crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

• if a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?

• if a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

• if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

• if a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

a woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. she was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.

“go to the marketplace,” he said, “and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road.” although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.

The next day the wise man said, “now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me.”

The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. after searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand. “you see,” said the old sage, “it’s easy to drop them, but it’s impossible to get them back. so it is with gossip. it doesn’t take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong.”

19951. oJ simpson is found innocent, october 4 (He was later found liable in a

second trial).

2. quebec, a province in Canada with majority French speaking citizens, defeats a referendum on quebec independence by less than 1 %

3. First planet outside our solar system found.

4. march 31, 1995. The singer selena quintanilla Perez was murdered in Corpus Christi, texas by her Fan Club President yolanda saldivar.

5. august 24 microsoft released its much anticipated Windows 95. mil-lions of dollars were spent on ad compaigns by microsoft and retail stores. This release sealed the deal in america becoming digitized.

I Have Learned... i’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, i’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me. ~ Age 15

Q &

a

Across4. buddy5. advisor8. earned awards11. rustic Dwelling13. sailing a crude raft

14. light narrow boat15. bunch, clusterDown1. Descriptive name2. brief note home3. Fun activity

4. angling6. large, friendly Fire7. roasting Dutch oven9. Frolicking in water10. makes by hand12. bsa or gsa unit

I Believei believe... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

Celebrity Quotes

“i’m not in competition with anybody but myself. my goal is to beat my last performance.

~ Celine Dion


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Good Question• Why is there that little space inside strawberries,

as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

• Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

• if you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

• How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

• Did noah have woodpeckers on the ark? if he did, where did he keep them?

• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers are not afraid to print a Chapter 11?

• How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

• if the Fbi breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

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Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology

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• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Itrix

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• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary

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A Fresh Perspective

John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Ques-tion®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountabil-

ity’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ Denver, Colorado, usa 303-286-9900

[email protected]

Five Truths of Accountability

i've been speaking on or writing about Personal aCCount-ability since 1995—and i've come to believe there are five truths that are self-evident:

1. everybody wants everybody else to practice personal accountability. enough said.

2. individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to ac-countability/responsibility/ownership:

example: if i earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when the real estate market was peaking, but bought a half million dollar home—and then lost that home—it was due to "predatory lending." but if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth and comes back broke, we think, "Wow. That was really stupid. What a foolish thing for him to do!" sometimes, we need to say that to ourselves, and then ask The question behind the question (QbQ), "What can i learn from this experience?"

3. i am more effective in all roles—father, mother, professional, spouse, friend, volunteer—when i practice personal accountability.

4. life is more enjoyable—downright more fun!—when i walk on the High road of Personal accountability.

5. it's simply the "right thing to do." The wrong things to do are blame, whine, point fingers, play victim, become entitled—and expect others to bail me out of my bad choices.

now, if you don't agree with these five ideas—that's just fine. but that's the way i see it.

sudoku solution Crossword solution

Marveling At The Moon

on June 16, 1963, Colonel-engineer Valentina Vladimirovna tereshkova was a soviet cosmonaut and the first woman in space. sally ride, astronaut from the united states, became the first american woman in space in 1983. neil armstrong, astronaut for the united states, became the first person to walk on the moon. His moon walk took place on July 20, 1969. He trav-eled to the moon aboard apollo 11.

sergei Kirkalyov, cosmonaut from the soviet union, has spent the most time in space. He was aboard the space station for 2 years and 73 days.

Census ConundrumThe Problem:

a census taker approaches a house and asks the woman who answers the door, ”How many children do you have, and what are their ages?”

Woman: “i have three children, the product of their ages are 36, the sum of their ages are equal to the address of the house next door.”

The census taker walks next door, comes back and says, “i need more infor-mation.” The woman replies, “i have to go, my oldest child is sleeping upstairs.”

Census taker: “Thank you, i now have everything i need.” What are the ages of each of the three children?

The Solution:The reason the census taker could not figure out the children’s ages is be-

cause, even with knowing the number on the house next door, there were still two possibilities. The only way that the product could be 36 and still leave two possibilities is if the sum equals 13. These possibilities being 9, 2 and 2 or 6, 6 and 1.

When the home owner stated that her “oldest” child is sleeping she was giving the census taker the fact that there is an “oldest.” The children’s ages are therefore 9, 2 and 2.

Pick up mcguffy’s news every week!!

at over 140 locations in brockville/athensnorth augusta/lynmallorytown & rockport

Very Punnya man takes his rottweiler to the vet and says, “my dog’s cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him? “ “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” so he picks the dog up and

examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “i’m sorry, but i'm going to have to put him down.”

“What? because he’s cross-eyed?” wails the owner. “no, because he’s really heavy!”

State Farm • Canadian Head Offices: Aurora, Ontario • statefarm.ca™P045003CN 12/04

WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT.We share a commitment to serve our community. Thank you

newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs.Rick Beer, Agent

522 King Street WestBrockville, ON K6V 3T2

Bus: [email protected]

100 FREE 8½ x11 B ⁄W CopiesSome conditions apply. See store for details. Offer expires May 31, 2011.

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5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!

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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 [email protected]

Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com

McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada!

www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Brockville and1000 Islands

[email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

613-925-5560

Great Pricing & Deals!

Get Dad a New Boatfor Father’s Day!

VOL.

5

Issu

e 23

✓ ✓ ✓ ✓✓

Your business, your needs,

our help

Your business, your needs, our help

Doug PhillipsFinancial Security Advisor613-342-4401, ext. [email protected]

Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHUFinancial Security Advisor613-342-4401, ext. [email protected]

Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.


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Sitting Next To A Parrot

Necessary Operationa surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. after studying the

x-rays and the charts, he turned to the man and said, “Could you pay for an operation if i told you it was necessary?”

The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, “Would you find one necessary if i told you i couldn’t pay for it?”

Empowering Thoughts

qui

ck

Joke

Funny SignsIn A Comic Book Store

Very Funny, Scotty Now Beam Up My Clothes

nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

silly

q

uote If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

~ Judith Manners

Relaxation means releasing all concern and tension and letting the natural order of life flow through one’s being. ~ Donald Curtis

Stress is an ignorant state. it believes that everything is an emergency. noth-ing is that important. ~ Natalie Goldberg

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace. ~ Robert J. Sawyer

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I pay very little regard to what any young person says on the subject of mar-riage. if they profess a disinclination for it, i only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person. ~ Jane Austen

DescriptiveThe dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating

electric fan set on medium.

on reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "and get me a juice ugly lady!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "and get me another juice you idiot". quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "i've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or i'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging down-wards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

Mcguffy's news Brockville 05 23

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