Mass Effect: The K-Pop Space Diva Edition

8/10/2019 Mass Effect: The K-Pop Space Diva Edition

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MASS EFFECTThe K-Pop Space Diva Edition

ByGiuseppe Ng



Early LifeThe Earthborn Korean-American woman named May Lee Shepard was said to have been hardened by the rough life in Earth's worst criminal underworld. Always, in her time there, she had hoped to one day be discovered for her self-proclaimed singing talents. Becoming the next big K-Pop singer was a dream she would simply not let go despite the odds of that happening.

May Lee's obsession with her dream had brought her into many fisticuffs, refusing to let

go of the mic of the karaoke machine. In one fateful scuffle, she had caught the eye of David Anderson who needed some kickass XO that could barely carry a tune. Under the

guise of a K-Pop agent, Anderson had May Lee sign up with the Alliance under pretense that this would eventually lead her to her singing career.

Shepard would rise through the ranks even completing the N7 program, which she thought would give her a singing contract. Her ruthlessness had made her an excellent servicewoman. Amidst the bad artwork, Shepard and Anderson

brought the SSV Normandy to Eden Prime for a shakedown mission. It was here that Shepard saw the Prothean Beacon that gave her images of her a new threat, the Reapers. Nobody was going to stand in her way of becoming a K-Pop star, not even robot squid spaceships.

Along the way, May Lee picked up Ashley Williams while also picking a fight with a Spectre named Saren Arterius. At

first, May Lee thought he had the face of a kitten, but soon she realized any ally of squid robots had to die, no matter the cuteness.

May Lee picked up her own kitty plush doll, C-Sec officer Garrus Vakarian who helped Shepard bring in the crew needed to stop Saren. Ugly dinosaur Urdnot Wrex and



walking fishbowl with a zany name Tali'Zorah brought the evidence needed to discredit renegade kitten Spectre, Saren.

Anderson gave Shepard leads to chase through to ultimately get that traitorous kitty schmuck and her chance for a K-Pop concert. May Lee deemed that the first order of business was to

recruit Dr. Liara T'Soni, a Prothean sexpert (Sexy, Expert. See what I did there?). The young doctor tapped into Shepard's visions back in Eden Prime, hoping to make sense of this mytery. Shepard found the experience as drug trippy as the beacon and warned Liara to stay the hell away from her. It did not help matters that whatever Saren was planning remained a big mystery, making Shepard go to Noveria as Anderson had

instructed.

Together with a full crew, May Lee went after Saren's second in command, spider sympathizer, Matriarch Benezia. Criter loving women was a gross thought to May Lee so she killed the Matriarch as well as her spiders, causing Liara to breakdown and cry. While rummaging Benezia’s stuff before a grief stricken Liara, May Lee managed to find an Ilos postcard saying: “Saren loves the Mu Relay.”

The Citadel Council rung up Shepard on her pink cellphone, telling her that “First of all, the

Mu Relay is not a cow nor a farm!” and that they needed her help in the planet Virmire. A salarian operative had ceased contact with the council, but Shepard quickly concluded this was possibly another of Saren’s nefarious deeds. May Lee had a giant smile on her face, for she knew that not only was this where she would end the kitten threat once and for all, this was also her major chance to become a K-Pop star.

In Virmire, Wrex had discovered the cure to the genophage that Saren was doing to build himself a krogan slave army. The krogan bounty hunter wanted the lab preserved, but May Lee knew better. Krogan never appreciated her singing and a whole army of mindless K-Pop hating monsters was nothing short of an abomination, so she persuaded Wrex to destroy the facility by shooting him in the head. The crew also discovered another

Prothean Beacon though Shepard refused to touch it because "it was some kinda drug trippy thing, you know?" After being coerced by Garrus' kitty looks, Shepard tapped into the



as she had her karaoke machine, but little did May Lee know that she was well on her way to her next big conquest...



Joining CerberusMay Lee Shepard may have been hailed as the Council's savior, but she only really wanted to be a K-Pop star; something that the Citadel Council delayed and delayed and inevitably admitted that they could not give her. With her dream seemingly fading away, May Lee reluctantly accepted the Council's mission to hunt more geth deep into space when a Collector ship came and destroyed the Normandy, with May Lee Shepard falling towards a planet. Noooooooooo...

Two years had gone by when Shepard

would finally draw breath again. She found herself in a Cerberus facility under siege. Here, she met a potential new boy toy Jacob Taylor (Is he crying or laughing in the picture?) and Miranda Lawson who she thought was disturbingly sexy and unfit to be part of her crew like Ashley was. After being nagged by the two, Shepard was finally brought to meet with the Illusive Man. His fancy glowing eyes and negotiation

skills did nothing for May Lee, but soon, the Cerberus boss found what he needed, a promise for her dying K-Pop dream in return for her service to stop the Collectors while also bringing Jacob, Miranda and an AI, EDI. One close encounter with death was enough for the young lady. She needed to find a way to K-Pop stardom as soon as possible. Shepard agreed despite the unnecessary booty on her newly rebuilt SSV Normandy SR-2.

The Illusive Man brought Shepard a dossier of squad mates she could count on for her mission. It reunited her with loyal kitty plush doll,

Garrus, and walking fish bowl Tali. Along the way, she managed to recruit several crew mates to assist in her investigation of the Collectors in the most boring way imaginable by Dark Horse. All of this resulted in conflicts in her own ship which made May Lee resort to hijacking the PA system and singing to all of them. That was enough to shut them all up and



as a bonus, she had gained a fan in her favourite kitten hunk. Somewhere there, Maelon's data was destroyed. Oops, but who cares, right?

Eventually, May Lee encountered her boy toy Kaidan and Liara,

both of whom refused to join her because of various excuses, prompting Shepard to throw her arms in the air and say "Whateverz! Dark Horse never drew them well so who cares, right?" Shepard particularly did not appreciate Liara for being manipulated with fake encouragement of her singing talents back at Ilos. All she thought she ever needed at this point was her kitten hunk and the man meat, but she was dead wrong.

The Collectors soon struck the Normandy crew, and left May Lee with nobody but a lame prankster and a wise cracking AI in her ship. Miranda wanted to prepare for the Omega 4 Relay, but Jacob wanted the crew saved

immediately, forcing Shepard to make a choice. What seemed to be a tough choice for most people though was dead easy for the Korean-American. "Duh! My fans first!"

With a Reaper IFF completely installed, the Normandy went through the Omega 4 Relay and into the heart of the Collector Base. There they found what the Collectors were doing,

processing humans into a full human Reaper. Shepard resorted to the one talent she had, singing, causing the Collectors to jump off the Collector station and die in space. The human Reaper itself could not tolerate her singing, choosing to smash its own head than be subjected to the terrible noise from her mouth. Commander Shepard was pleased at the destruction but could not, however, truly know the extent of her achievement.

Hearing stories about Shepard from Sovereign was not enough for Harbinger. The Reaper would not believe in what prowess this Korean-American had. Listening to her song though made Harbinger abandon his plans of using the Collectors, leaving the minions to their doom in the hands of a horrible singer.



Before Shepard could destroy the Collector Base, the Illusive Man showed himself, promising a contract if Shepard preserved it. May Lee did hoping she would finally have her career, but perhaps she was too desperate to see the deception or perhaps, she was never too bright at all. The Illusive Man's promise never

came through and Shepard was not content with singing for her crew with lousy Dark Horse artwork. She wanted an intergalactic audience and she wanted it now.

Shepard saved her crew at the expense of some her loyal squadmates. It was a price she was more than happy to pay. "More fans! Duh!" Instead of fame however, May Lee Shepard found herself being sent to the brig, much to her shock. “They

even took away my pink cell phone!” Booooo!



The Fall of EarthStaring on a datapad for hours, May Lee pondered her journey and how it all went wrong. Why was she not a K-Pop star after all that she did? Was there not enough karaoke practice for her? She stared outside at the kid running around with a toy ship when the door opened.

Overgrown steroid addict, James Vega saluted and told Shepard she was needed as soon as possible. Uninterested but with no recourse having been confined by the Alliance for months, she tagged along, bumping into bogus K-Pop agent, Admiral Anderson. With the urgency of everyone around her, she sensed that the tables were turning to her favour after being blackballed for so long. With little hesitation, she confronted Anderson over his lies, but David made a point that even she could not deny. If the Reapers won, there won't be anyone left for her sing to. "Who wants to sing to yahg? Duh! Not me!"

Even after agreeing to help, all May Lee could

do when in front of the council of humans was curse them for ruining her ambitions. In order to slightly appease her, they gave her back her pink cellphone. Awesome right? Not for long.

Reapers landed in Vancouver destroying everything in sight. Anderson and Shepard fled, killing husks and cannibals on their way to

the Normandy. Anderson commanded Shepard to go to the Council and seek help before reinstating her position in the Alliance. With any hopes of a singing career ruined by the metal

squid party crashing, Shepard picked up the pieces and went on her way while having muscle meathead Vega and rejected boy toy, Kaidan tag along for the ride.

While on the ship, Vega attempted to confront Shepard for leaving Earth, but Kaidan quickly saw that was an awful idea. "You don't want to hear her sing, James." Better sense prevailed. After all, nobody wanted to mess with this angry Korean-American.

Before leaving the Sol system, May Lee got a video message from Admiral Hackett who urged Shepard to stop by Mars where vital Prothean research could be lost to Cerberus forces. Shepard never forgot the screwjob by Mr. Flashlight Eyes and agreed to do it to exact

vengeance. The reunion that happened however, was not the one she had in mind.

The CrucibleMay Lee Shepard landed on Mars with her least favourite crew in tow. Kaidan, now curious as to how Shepard came back from Cerberus only got a cold treatment from his superior. "You didn't write, so shut the F up, Kay! Okay?"



In the Prothean Archives in Mars, Shepard reunites with another of her disloyal crew, Liara who all this time was looking for the means to end the Metal Squid Party. To prevent herself from

being shot up by Shepard, Liara told her of plans left by the Protheans to defeat the Reapers. "It looks like a giant... microphone!" May Lee was excited over what she could do with it, so much so that she welcomed Liara back to the crew.

Fighting through the facility, Shepard, Liara and Kaidan eventually got into the archive, but they were beaten to the punch, by the Illusive Man no less. Despite the Illusive Man's assertions

regarding his intentions, May Lee just called him a coward and to talk to her hand instead.

A Cerberus agent, Eva Coré, was there to delete the archive. She was stopped and in the

process gravely wounding Kaidan. Shepard though was only interested in Eva's hair as Eva's hairstyle remained still even after the combat and a huge fire. Much to her dismay though, that headpiece turned out to be simply plastic.

With the plans for the giant microphone in hand, Shepard and Liara made a plea to the Citadel Council to assist them in the fight and turn Reapers into fried squid rings. The Council was more interested in saving their own races which made Shepard go: "Whateverz!" In that moment of frustration, she caught a sight that she didn't realize she had missed. KITTENS!

A kitty-looking Council member (May Lee can't remember his name as she just enthusiastically rambles about Kitten-faces) approached Shepard and Udina over Palaven's struggle against the Reapers. For Shepard, the details of the mission was not entirely important. "Planet full of kitty hots? Hell yeah!"

Everything about Palaven was paradise for the young woman, but reality had a way of bringing her expectations down.



Palaven and BeyondDead hot kitties everywhere. May Lee landed on Palaven's moon with the war against the Reapers in full display. There was discussion among kitties on some Primarch, but May Lee only had eyes for hot kitty hunk Garrus, who had to point her towards Primarch Adrien Victus.

Fighting through armies of Reaper forces, Shepard managed to secure the face painted kitty, Victus who told her they needed the assistance of K-Pop hating dinosaurs Krogans. It was bad news, but things were about to get worse for Shepard.

EDI, the never funny AI from

Cerberus' junkshop, had assumed control of Eva's body. Now, there was another set of booty on the ship and this one was made of metal! Immediately, May Lee put together a plan to get rid of the threat; by pairing her with the lame prankster, Jeff Moreau. Ingenious, but still, she was left with the other problem to deal with.

Shepard absolutely did not want anything to do with those K-Pop haters. It was why she popped Wrex's tiny brain. "They love rap down there! Duh! Krogan

DMZ sounds like a rapper group!" But then, kitty hunk Garrus' looks distracted her and all she could do was say 'Yes' to the cuties before her. May Lee soon found herself on the tricky path to force a fragile alliance with the crude and stupid Urdnot Wreav down in that junk of a planet, Tuchanka.

In a terrible meeting with the Primarch, ugly creepy Dalatrass Linron, and Wreav, a plan had been put forth with the help Kitty plushiness, Garrus and Shepard's threat to sing to them. The alliance would be forged if

the cure to the genophage was found. That meant heading to Sur'Kesh to retrieve some ugly female dinosaur. All that mattered to Shepard was to "just save my hot kitties, okay?!"

Cerberus was there to give May Lee a hard time and while many of her crew pondered of their intentions, Shepard offered only one simple answer. "Duh! We're on the shit list!" While



"Duh! Can't get help from the Council... who should he ask for help, huh?"

Udina may have thought getting Cerberus to help him gaining ultimate power in the council was a sound idea, but Shepard knew how shifty Mr. Flashlight Eyes was. Cerberus had plotted to kill the Council and take over the Citadel. This was carried out by Kai Leng, the Mr.

Bad Hair Space Ninja who killed Councilor Valern right in front of Shepard. In so doing and escaping unscathed, he "so cannot be my BFF!"

Shepard's chase for the other councilors found her in a standoff against newly minted Spectre and Udina lapdog, Kaidan Alenko. May Lee vowed to shoot both Kaidan and Udina to protect the council which prompted Udina to show doctored footage of Shepard's 'betrayal'. Kaidan quickly switched sides though when realizing what a horrible video editor

Udina was. May Lee took the opening and killed Udina on the spot. "Should have used Adobe

Premiere, Donny."

Kaidan soon wanted to be back on the Normandy, but he didn't realize how far he had fallen off Shepard's friend list. "You didn't trust me with Udina, Kaidan. UDINA! Of all people! Hello? You're on my shit list forever!"

Securing the Citadel became the prime focus of everybody except for Shepard. She had unwittingly bumped into many quest beggars in the Citadel, prompting her to wonder aloud

why so many just stood there waiting for her to do their jobs for them. After boringly securing as much allies as she could, she had received word asking for her assistance from the fleet full of fishbowls. "More quest beggars? Duh! Must be a BioWare game!"

"Turns out the quarian fishbowl boys and gals got antsy and attacked the geth and are now asking for help." Shepard always thought the fishbowl people were stupid, but this was really pushing it. Unless they all wanted to be Reaper chow though, she had to do something for these fishbowl folks; maybe get the geth to do a synchronized robot dance in space. Her task? Infiltrate the geth dreadnought and stop the Reaper signal.

May Lee knew how to get through the geth though. "Infiltrate? That's for wusses!" Instead she strapped on her karaoke machine. "They'll do the robot dance for me!" Bringing along fishbowl friend Tali and hot kitty meat hunk, Garrus, Shepard slipped in and hijacked Geth VI to broadcast her singing. The geth could not resist



her indoctrination powers, instantly ceasing operations and allowing Admiral Han'Gerrel to attack the dreadnought. "Not cool, Han vas Numbskull!"

Just like others who had crossed May Lee, Mr. Numbskull was ejected off the

Normandy. Shepard turned her focus on trying to saving the poor suicidal Admiral Koris and shutting down the geth fighter squadrons for the damned quest beggars. "Oh, and then there’s that base where the metal squid radio station was playing."

Shepard found the Reaper that was behind all of this. Swiftly she walked up to it and barked, "Hey, squid rings! I'm pulling the plug on your station because you play lousy music!"

The Reaper was not amused, but Shepard's singing quickly gnawed its sanity away. "This one is for free, Harbinger... when I sing for you, you'll be paying!"

May Lee thought it was all going to be fine and dandy afterwards, but the Geth VI wanted to preserve Reaper code. "Uuuh... hello? Sooo absolutely no, Mr. Spotlight face... AND I can always get robot dancers elsewhere!"

The fishbowls killed the spotlights. "Show's over, moving on! Autographs laterzzz!"

Secrets in ThessiaJoining with the growing list of quest beggars, Councilor Tevos requested for May Lee's presence in the Citadel to discuss some "super secret stuff". The councilor here revealed that Thessia may have the answers to something to activate Liara's Crucible. Shepard was confused as

microphones only needed electricity to operate. Being reminded of the Crucible however stirred back Shepard's K-Pop dreams. With this gigantic microphone complete, she could stage a one of a kind intergalactic concert and seeing metal squid robot dance seemed amusing.



Without delay, Shepard brought her crew to Thessia in search of some old temple as instructed by the Asari councilor. "It's not some Shaolin thing... so I'm good!" By the time she arrived however, things were getting desperate in Thessia. The shock of seeing everything be

ripped apart by the Reapers was trying for Liara, but Javik was always there to pick on her. "Oh, get a room, you two!"

One voice echoed through the burning skies of Thessia at the sight of May Lee Shepard. "Stop Shepard!" Harbinger's voice brought with it a hint of despair at the sight of the one person who was powerful enough to

indoctrinate Reapers. The assault on Thessia grew fierce, so much so that Shepard had little time to deploy her karaoke machine.

Shepard and her crew fled to what seemed to be an old temple to find refuge. Liara explained this as the ancient Temple of Athame, the goddess who bestowed her gifts to all

Asari. Javik shared her some spoilers though. "They really need to get a room together!"

Just as Shepard touched "some cute statue", the statue of Athame crumbled down. "Oh gosh! So sorry Liara!" Javik was quick to point out that it was a Prothean VI. Before the

Prothean VI could speak however, Mr. Bad Hair Ninja arrived with a message from the Mr. Annoying Flashlight Eyes.

"Oh just shut up! You can’t crash into my party uninvited! So not cool! You’re no better than bogus K-Pop agent Anderson, Illusive schmuck! Talk to the hand!"

Just as Shepard had finished her tirade, Kai Leng had already taken the Prothean VI, leaving the Reapers to shoot down the temple. Emerging from the rubble, May Lee saw the devastation before her. Millions of asari dead bodies in sight brought great sorrow to her. For the first time in a long while, this business was starting to not feel fun. Turning to Liara, Shepard had only one question.

"Who will they send to Purgatory now?"



Miranda had only one thing to say to Shepard, “You sing horribly.” Shepard however wasn’t PO’d about it though. “That’s okay, suga. I’m alive and you’re still dead.”

Before Henry's mainframe computer, Shepard found The Illusive Man's answering machine and a phone with a direct line all the way to Cronos Station.

"Mr. Flashlight Eyes' crib? Oh hell yeah!!!"

~Cue dramatic music~

Kitty plushiness, Garrus visited May Lee in her quarters, overwhelming her stress with his cuteness. They shared a tender moment together... or two... or three... or... "Hey, I was horny, okay?"

It was time to fight back and get rid of Cerberus once and for all. Shepard arrived with her kitty cute hunk, and unfunny sexybot, EDI. Armed with her

microphone and karaoke, May Lee told EDI to hack into the station's PA system. Cerberus never saw it coming.

The base fell into complete pandemonium. All the defenses instantly went down and May Lee waltzed into the Illusive Man's office. Unfortunately though, the bastard was not there. The Prothean VI was curled up on the floor, no doubt traumatized by what it had heard.

Before they could extract the information though, one man came to stand against the odds.

"I brought earplugs this time, Shepard!"

Kai Leng; Mr. Bad Hair Ninja; no matter what name you want to call the cheap clone of Adam Jensen, "Oh he's going down NOW!"

Before Shepard could physically rearrange his face though, a loud gunshot rung throughout the halls of Cerberus base. Garrus had used his sniper rifle and shot the ninja dead. So much had been written about Cerberus' most dangerous assassin. Who knew all you needed was bullets?



From the Prothean VI, Shepard had realized that the Illusive Man was working with the Reapers and they had taken the Citadel which was "like this microphone stand for my giant mic".

It was now a race against time for Earth facing a threat that had no weakness... except for

Shepard's horrifying singing.

An End Once and for AllThere was no time to waste and the odds were stacked way up against Shepard. Thanks to

the Prothean VI, May Lee found out that the Citadel had been taken by the Reapers and brought to Sol System where Harbinger and the bulk of the Reaper forces lay. If there was any shot

for humanity and every other race in this cycle, the push for Earth had to be done. With Shepard's blessing, Admiral Hackett had amassed the entire galactic strength of this cycle for one final push to get the Crucible to dock into the Citadel.

Turians, krogan, asari, salarians, and quarians; all were ready to face the might of the Reapers. All of them pledged their allegiance to Commander Shepard. It was likely a suicide mission for many. There was fear over the power of the Reapers; fear over who would live or

die. To May Lee though, she summed it all up succinctly. "Fuck it! Let's go!"

There before Earth, the final battle had begun. While the Normandy maneuvered through the carnage that was unravelling, Hackett had other plans for Shepard. Admiral Anderson was still in Earth fighting the good fight against the Reaper forces. With Shepard's assistance, it may be possible for them to take control of the transporter beam that would directly take them into the Citadel. It was the

typical BioWare quest beggars once again, but by this time, the Korean-American commander was used to it. May Lee strapped on the only equipment she would ever need; her karaoke

machine. "Time for fried metal squid rings!"



Under Joker's expert hands, Shepard was soon on her way to Anderson's command center, dealing with some pesky anti-aircraft Hades Cannons. "Duh! Who's gonna do it? Of course me!"

Once May Lee arrived, she found a communications facility so she could reach out to her

friends one last time before the final push. "I only want to talk to my super best friends...", said Shepard, but the operator showed her the list was empty. "Whateverz!!! You're so on my shit list too!"

On her way to Admiral Anderson, May Lee stopped by to meet the only cute kitten face for her, Garrus. The two shared one last moment together; each with comforting words for the other; each of them knowing they were willfully fooling themselves. They both knew they were saying their silent goodbyes.

Finally, there was that blasted bogus K-Pop Agent, Admiral Anderson. They all went through the plan together to use Thanix missiles and take out the Reaper destroyer protecting the beam. It was all convoluted for Shepard. "Uh... we don't need that, but whateverz!" Clearly Anderson did not know what Shepard was capable of, yet strangely that once cocky confidence in her was slowly ebbing away.

Deep down, May Lee could feel a nervous tension in the air. She knew that whatever happened, nothing was going to stay the same. Maybe, the giant microphone was going to be the life changing thing she had sought from the very beginning. Was she ready to fulfill her

destiny to become a K-Pop star?

The final march begun. May Lee and the rest of the men fought through Reaper forces, all the while saving her Karaoke surprise for when it was most needed. At the mere sight of her, the Reapers fought harder than before, as if their situation was more dire than for the races of this cycle. As the battle heated up, the unexpected happened.

One by one, May Lee saw familiar faces from long ago appearing from nowhere. Grunt, Samara, Jacob, and Kaidan came down to join the fight and take the pressure off of Shepard.

At the time when everything had to count; no matter how hard Shepard ran her ship crew and berated her colleagues, they all had her back this time. As May Lee turned towards the Reaper Destroyer before the Conduit, she could not help but turn back to Kaidan and told him: "You're so not on my shit list anymore."



Finally, the team had reached the Reaper Destroyer that guarded the Conduit and if everyone thought the fighting was fierce on the way, they had not seen the forces Harbinger had set foot. To make matters worse, something was messing with the targeting system of the Thanix missile, but as usual, only one person had the answer.

KARAOKE TIME!

Turning up the dial, Shepard sung, once again sending the forces and the Reaper into frenzy. Garrus immediately went for the missiles, shooting it all to take down the destroyer. As soon as the Reaper went down however, Shepard had another metal squid ship to deal with,

Harbinger.

"Stop Shepard!"

Again? Really? It’s hilarious that that was the

only line Harbinger ever spoke since the start of this campaign. Even Harbinger though, could do little against May Lee's karaoke prowess. Shepard's singing tore through Harbinger's sanity, but unlike all the other

crummy metal squid machines, Harby ended up firing his beam at anything and everyone. Garrus pulled Shepard off Harbinger's beam but the explosion was so close that both of them were sent flying.

While Shepard suffered some injuries, Garrus took it worse. Shepard called Joker for

extraction. Unsurprisingly, Garrus wanted to be there for May Lee but she touched his scarred cheeks and whispered, "I need you to stay cute, kitty plushiness."

Now it was Shepard lugging her karaoke machine before one crazy Harbinger. As she got nearer and nearer, Harbinger's beam got more intense as it shot up every soldier and vehicle in sight. May Lee managed to get through, but the pains was starting to overwhelm her.

Just then, time seemed to move sooooo slow. And out came the husks and a marauder, most likely to ask her autograph. They all did the robot dance and then cheered Shepard as she entered the beam while clutching her bleeding torso.

May Lee found herself surrounded by dead people in a path to a large platform. "Uhhh... grooooss!"



At the end, she saw that bogus liar, Anderson on the controls. He was trying to open the Citadel's arms so the Crucible could dock, but something was amiss. He was suddenly frozen in there.

Leaving her karaoke machine on the floor, Shepard

called out to him, but a gunblast cut her off. She realized her machine had been shot at.

"No more, singing, Shepard!"

The Illusive Man walked in gun in hand, his face partly assimilated by Reaper nanites. With little

delay, he shot Anderson before turning to May Lee. "I've been telling you we should control the Reapers, Shepard! But you're too focused on just that karaoke!"

May Lee didn't respond to Flashlight Eyes though. Instead, she threw a confused look at him.

"What's that Shepard?"

Shepard asked Flashlight Eyes the one question that he had never thought of before."Are you the ILLUSIVE man or the ELUSIVE man?"

The confusion made the Illusive Man pause. "I never really thought of that, Shepard."

"I bet your mama said Elusive..."

"SHUT UP, SHEPARD! I WAS BORN JACK..."

"Hey EL! Hey Mr. Not IL..."

"Ahhhh!!!"

The Illusive Man then shot himself at that point. May Lee never realized just how easy it was to push the poor boy's buttons. This fabled powerful man in Cerberus simply had insecurity issues.

May Lee Shepard approached the panel as Anderson gasped for air. She pressed the big red button. The Citadel's arms opened for the Crucible, but Shepard knew she was in no shape to push through with her concert.

"You did it, Shepard..."



Those words did little to please May Lee. She slumped on the ground and stared at her own blood on the floor. "Oh my gosh... I'm bleeding... and I... I... can't sing... and... it looks nothing like a microphone stand..."

"It's not Shepard."

"Well... shit..."

Gradually, Shepard was losing her sight from the pain. Everything faded into black.

Who the F are YOU?

Shepard opened her eyes to a mysterious facility. There was a beam before her, pulsing with blinding energy. Where was Shepard? What was happening? All those questions would soon be answered.

A being approached May Lee Shepard, its form constantly changing until Shepard could recognize them: batarian, asari, turian, Prothean, and finally human in the form of a child.

"Wake up, Shepard...", the voice seemingly rippled through the chamber, stirring May Lee's body. "Wow... thats some drug trippy thingy happening...", she muttered. Seeing the boy however, Shepard could only ask, "Who the fuck are you?!"

"I am the Intelligence. I am the mind of the Reapers."

"What? So I should just shoot you right now!"

"Wait! Wait!", the boy shouted as Shepard aimed at the kid. "I am no longer what you think I am...", he spoke, but that only served to confuse the Korean-American.

"You just said you're controlling the Reapers, dumbass!"



"The Crucible with the Citadel had altered my designs. I can no longer execute as my original programming, my creators’ intentions."

"What?", Shepard furrowed her eyebrows as the Intelligence continued to explain the circumstance.

"Like throwing an exception from divide by zero? Or stack buffer overflow exception?"

"Oh whateverz!!!", Shepard threw her arms in the air. "What do you want?"

The Intelligence seemed relieved to have gone through that moment of tension. "I am here to tell you that you can either choose destroy, control, or synthesis."

"Wait what?! Is that it?"

"You are the Catalyst, Shepard. You have to choose how this organic-synthetic peace program executes. We are in a catch statement after the exception."

"So, the Catalyst is not the microphone stand?"

"No."

"What if I refuse?", May Lee quizzed the boy.

"Mac Walters would not be happy.", the Intelligence retorted. "You have to decide how to resolve the conflict between Organics and Synthetics."

Shepard stared at the boy with little idea how to proceed, prompting the Intelligence to mutter softly, "Oookay... extended cut time!"

The boy showed the beam and its varying colours as it explained the choices. "Destroy will annihilate all synthetics. It is what the previous cycles had created to end the conflict. It is part of the Crucible's design. It will destroy the Reapers and the geth..."

"Already did that one, kid."



The Intelligence paused. "Uhh... okay... Control is the power of the Intelligence. It is the part of the Citadel's design and you will take over my processing and control of the Reapers."

"Uhhh... so I'll be translucent and eeeew... what about synthesis?"

"Synthesis is the solution brought by the Citadel and the Crucible combined. It will alter the DNA of every entity. Organic and synthetic will have no more bounds separating each other."

"Ummm... that sounds kinda drug trippy..."

"The paths are open to you, Shepard."

"Then let's give them one final light show! Green looks nice!"

May Lee leapt into the beam and as she did, she forgot one thing.

"Hey! What about my K-Pop career?!"

“Well that sucked…”

Mass Effect: The K-Pop Space Diva Edition

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Transcript of Mass Effect: The K-Pop Space Diva Edition