Line Edits COGold 10.16.21 for print
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Colorado Gold Writers Conference October 15-17, 2021 10/16/21 1 Line Edits the Good, the Bad, & the Purple Prose 1 Elie Wiesel “Writing is not like painting where you add. It is not what you put on the canvas that the reader sees. Writing is more like a sculpture where you remove, you eliminate in order to make the work visible. Even those pages you remove somehow remain. There is a difference between a book of two hundred pages which is the result of an original eight hundred pages. The six hundred pages are there. Only you don't see them.” [email protected] 2
Transcript of Line Edits COGold 10.16.21 for print
Colorado Gold Writers ConferenceOctober 15-17, 2021
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Line Editsthe Good, the Bad, &the Purple Prose
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Elie Wiesel
“Writing is not like painting where you add. It is not what you put on the canvas that the reader sees.
Writing is more like a sculpture where you remove, you eliminate in order to make the work visible. Even those
pages you remove somehow remain. There is a difference between a book of two hundred pages
which is the result of an original eight hundred pages. The six hundred pages are there. Only you don't see
them.”
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Stephanie Roberts
“Editing fiction is like using your fingers to untangle the hair of someone you love.”
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Set-Up
• Run spell check– Add character names to dictionary– Avoid “Red Line Syndrome”– Won’t catch typos—read backwards
• Run grammar check– Have a good grasp on grammar– Look up rules you don’t know
• Use Chicago Manual of Style– Library = free– Online = fee
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Spelling
• Common errors:– US vs UK spelling: blond/blonde; gray/grey;
toward/towards– Homophones: write/right/rite; night/knight;
accept/except; bored/board; peek/peak/pique
– Homonyms: pen/pen; bark/bark; lead/lead
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Punctuation
• Never use ?!? Or !!!! Or !?!!!11– Unless in a text msg
• Use ! and ? sparingly in prose—unless 1st
person POV• One space after a period• One space before and after … an ellipses– One period after ellipses that ends a
sentence/thought … .
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Punctuation (cont.)
• No spaces before—or after—an emdash/en dash/hyphen
• En dashes vs em dashes (- vs —)– Ranges (time or date) vs clauses/interruptions
• Hyphens and compound adjectives– Ex: The red-brick wall.– Ex: The brick wall was red.
• Use italics, not underlines, in dialogue– Sparingly in prose (thoughts & emphasis)
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Dialogue + Punctuation
• “Brody went on a beagle rampage today,” she explained.
• “Brody ate what?” she asked.• “Brody, do you want a—” He cut her off,
jumping in her lap and licking her face.• “He shouts, ‘I’m the King of the World’!”• “He asks me, ‘I’m the King of the World’?”• “He says to me, ‘I’m the King of the World.’”
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Dialogue• Don’t use dialogue to info dump• Show, don’t tell! – he says empathically = tell– he says, every syllable a staccato = show
• “Tells” can be hidden (moderation!)• Each character should have dialogue only
they use / voice / characterization• Every piece of dialogue doesn’t need a tag• Tags should be “s/he said” ≠ “he sneered” or
“she groaned” or “they hissed”
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Grammar• Feral commas– Commas are not pauses for breath.– Ex: “Hold close the idea that we are loved, that
beauty surrounds us always. Don’t lose sight of that, let evil take hold.”
• Oxford commas– USE THEM!– Without them, a “false appositive” is created– Journalism is to blame for their sudden drop in
popularity
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Grammar (cont.)
• Use caution with filler words:– can / seem / begin / some / really / that
/ just / like• Remove distancing phrases:– to hear / to look / to realize / to notice / to feel / to
touch / to know / to start / to sound / to think / to see / to decide / to watch / to wonder / to try / to believe / to understand / to want / to remember / to imagine / to desire / to love / to hate
• Overuse of … ellipses … lessens … their effect … stahp
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Moar Grammar
• Subjunctive Mood– Use for wishes, doubts, requests,
demands, proposals, & not factual sentences– Use for a future tense that may
not be possible– Usually tied with “if” sentences,
but not always– Ex: I wish I were able to fly!– Ex: If I were able to fly, I’d never be on the ground!
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Gimme Moar Grammar
• Adverbs are not your friends– Especially as dialogue tags– Ex: “Then think about your brother,” their father had
told her, not particularly sternly, ruffling <redacted>’s hair fondly as if he thought she was being adorablychildish.
• That vs which– That = restrictive clause
• Ex: The strong wolf smell that emanated off her.– Which = nonrestrictive clause
• Ex: “Definitely human blood, which means you’re not a monster.”
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Grammar Palooza
• Grammar “errors” should serve story– Fragments emphasize a phrase– Show character voice– Some errors are wrong and you may have to
fight to keep them (… but don’t)
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Weak Writing
• Clutch words (we ALL have them)– www.edwordle.net
• Pedestrian phrases– ≠ She angrily walked out the door.– = She stomped out of the house
and slammed the door.• Clichés
– “The first man who compared a woman to a rose was a poet, the second, an imbecile.” Gérard de Nerval, Aurélia, 1943
• Passive vs Active writing– Ex: Tonight, the beagle will be walked by me.– Ex: Tonight, I’ll walk my dog.
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Weak Writing (cont.)
• Was + ing– Ex: My heart is beating out a warning.– Ex: My heart beats out a warning.
• “Starting” with -ing– Order matters– Ex: Sliding open the glass door, Mike stuck his
head through and looked around.– Ex: Walking across the street, Veronica lifted her
collar to protect her face from the wind.
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Moar Weak Writing
• Using “of” construction– Slows pace– Can be rewritten without it but not always!– Ex: My palm rests on the neck of the cola
bottle > My palm rests on the cola bottle’s neck.
– Ex: “I saw Colton punch her the night of Homecoming.” “On Homecoming night, Colton punched her.”
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Back in Time
• “Had”– Passive writing– Ex: Brody had gotten into the trash.– Ex: Brody got into the trash.
• “Had” + Time Qualifiers– Unnecessary + distancing– Ex: Brody had gotten into the trash while I was
gone.– Ex: Brody got into the trash while I was gone.
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Back in Time II
• Flashbacks: Start in past perfect (had), set the scene, move to past tense OR start with a time qualifier and no past perfect (had) needed– Ex: Last summer, I worked a minimum-wage
job.
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Overused Phrases
• “Literally”—🔥🔥• “In/At that/For a moment”—tells instead of shows• “At the end of the day”—colloquialism and tells• “my heart beats in my chest”—where else would it
beat?• “I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding”• “… pants slung low on hips.”• Describing skin as food. Sexualizes/fetishizes instead
of describes. Use colors, shades, and undertones
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Scene Blocking
• Character movement• Action, action, contradicting action– Ex: MC grabs boyfriend’s hand, two
paragraphs later puts hands on hips, four paragraphs later drops boyfriend’s hand
– Ex: MC stands, page later MC stands again
• Use dolls, cans of soup, your kids, pets, etc.
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Lay vs. Lie (and why Eric Clapton’s wrong)
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White Space
White space Ex A White space Ex B
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Pacing in Line Edits
• Short sentences speed story up– Thrillers, plot-driven, etc.
• Long sentences slow story down– Literary, character-driven, etc.
• Books that rely on white space:– Stephenie Meyer: Twilight saga– Maggie Stiefvater: The Wolves of Mercy Falls series
• Books that rely on dense text:– Laini Taylor: The Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy– Kristen Cashore: Graceling, Fire, & Bitterblue
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Sentence Structure
• Vary your sentences– Use commas, semi-colons, colons, italics, em
dashes, ellipses, etc.– Repeat phrases for lyrical sound and emphasis– All in moderation!
• Know when you’re overusing a sentence structure and the story reason for it
• Read sentences aloud to catch cadence, inflection, and sound
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Sentence Structure (example)
• Ex 1: She catches her eye in the mirror, her high cheekbones and freckles stand out with her blonde hair pulled back. She doesn’t need makeup to feel like she looks good when she’s moving the ball down the field. An alarm on her phone beeps and she remembers that there’s a scrimmage in half an hour. If this really works, by then she’ll feel completely different. (9)
• Ex 2: I catch my eye in the mirror, my high cheekbones and freckles standing out with my blonde hair pulled back. I don’t need makeup to feel like I look good when I’m moving the ball down the field. An alarm on my phone beeps and I remember that there’s a scrimmage in half an hour. If this really works, by then I’ll feel completely different.
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Sentence Structure (level up!)
• Ex 1: The mirror reflects high cheekbones and freckles contrasting with her pulled-back blonde hair. When she moves the ball down the field, the last thing making her feel good is makeup. A phone alarm reminds her there’s a scrimmage in half an hour and the fluttery feeling of falling follows. If this really works, soon she’ll feel completely different.
• Ex 2: The mirror reflects high cheekbones and freckles contrasting with my pulled-back blonde hair. When moving the ball down the field, the last thing making me feel good is makeup. A phone alarm reminds me there’s a scrimmage in half an hour and the fluttery feeling of falling follows. If this really works, soon I’ll feel completely different.
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Tor/Random Penguin House Phenomenon
• Remove commas before “and” that ties two clauses together– Ex: She walked her beagle and he didn’t see the
rabbits.– Ex: She walked her beagle, and he didn’t see the
rabbits.
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Purple Prose• “derives from the Latin phrase purpureus
pannus, which appears in the Ars Poetica of Horance (65–68 BCE)” (Garner’s Modern American Usage, 2009)
• Stands out when the rest of the novel / sentence / paragraph is beige prose– Ex:
• Uses metaphors and other figurative language badly and detracts from the text / scene
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Purple Prose example
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Web Resources
• Merriam-Webster: www.merriam-webster.com• Chicago Manual of Style:
www.chicagomanualofstyle.org• Grammar Girl: www.quickanddirtytips.com• Grammarist: http://grammarist.com• Writer Unboxed: http://writerunboxed.com• Writer’s Digest: http://writersdigest.com
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Book Resources• Eats, Shoots & Leaves: the Zero Tolerance Approach to
Punctuation by Lynne Truss• The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. & EB
White• Goal, Motivation, & Conflict: the Building Blocks of
Good Fiction by Debra Dixon• got style? by Helen Hardt• On Writing by Stephen King• Steering the Craft: Exercises and Discussions on Story
Writing for the Lone Navigator or the Mutinous Crew by Ursula K. Le Guin
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Anne Marie was born in Denver. She attended the University of Colorado for a BA in English Literature, where she fell in love with folklore and myths from around the world. She adores
languages, great white sharks, and the impossible. Her work usually includes two of the three. She edited for a small press for 2.5 years
and read slush for a local agent.
💛 THANK YOU! 💛
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