Newlywed’sLeaderGuideLessontopic:BalancingSchool,WorkandFamilyLife 90MinutesMaterials

§ Computerandprojector

§ Speakers

§ Pens

§ Printedhandoutsandworksheetsinfolders

§ Lightrefreshments

Environment§ UVUclassroomwithdesksallfacingthefrontoftheroom

§ Wednesdayeveningsfrom6:30-8:00

§ Theclassisdesignedfornewlywedcoupleswithoutchildren

§ Approximately20peoplewillbeattending

§ Lightrefreshmentswillbeprovidedfortheparticipants

Objectives§ Uponsuccessfulcompletionofthislesson,participantswillbeableto:

§ Haveopencommunicationregardingtheirpersonaland

companionshipgoalsandpriorities.

§ Setgoalsandmakeplanstoaccomplishthethingstheywant.

§ Createmoreharmonyintheirlives.

§ Prioritizetheirlife.

I. Introduction 1. Explain

§ Itisexcitingtobeanewlywed!Youhavenowmet,andhavefallenin

lovewithyourspouse,andareembarkingonyournewlifeasacouple.

Oneaspectofbeinganewlywedthatyoumaynotbeexpectingisthe

newbalanceoflife.Nowyouaresharingtimewitheachother,possibly

goingtoschool,working,spendingtimewithbothyourparentsandyour

in-laws,nottomentionyourhobbies,orthoseofyourspouse,etc.

Balancingallofthesethingscanbereallydifficultandfrustratingat

times,butlearninghowtomanageandprioritizeyourtimewillbeof

greatbenefittoyouandyourspouse,mentally,emotionally,and

physically.Itisvitaltohavegoodcommunicationskillswithyourspouse

whilefiguringoutthisbalance.Asacoupleyoucantalkaboutwhich

aspectsaremostimportant,andworkoncreatingasystemthatworks

foryou.OnePsychologist,namedDr.JimHealysaid,“Mostproblemsin

lifedon’tget‘solved,’theygetmanaged.Wemakecorrectionsand

adjustmentsaswego.Whenaskedwhatittooktobehappy,Sigmund

Freudsaid,‘toloveandtowork.’Inthiscase,hewasn’tfarwrong.Only,

keepthembalanced!’”(Healy,2016).Inonearticlewrittenbyaman

namedDaveBoehisaid,“Don’tconsideramarriagea50/50affair!

Considerita100percentaffair.Theonlywayyoucanmakeamarriage

workistohavebothpartiesgiveahundredpercenteverytime”(Boehi,

n.d.).2. Ask

§ “Whydoyoufeelthatitisimportanttobalanceinamarriage?”II. Balancing

1. Activity:Role-play

§ Ahusbandwalksintotalktohiswifeonthecouch.Sheisworkingon

homework.Heasksherifshehasasecondtotalkabouthiswork.She

saysyes,andhebeginstotellherthatapositionatworkhasopenedup

thatwillrequireupwardsof60hoursaweek.Hefeelslikethiswouldbe

verybeneficialtothemtoearntheextramoney,howeverhewon’tbe

abletoseeherverymuch.Hisonlyhoursoffwouldbewhensheisat

school,orasleep.Shedoesn’tlooklikesheapproves.Eventhoughthey

don’thavemuchmoney.Shetellshimthatshewantstobeabletosee

him,andthatspendingalittletimetogetheriswhatshewants,andifhe

takesthisjobshewon’tbeabletoseehim.Theydecidetotalkabout

theirpriorities,theyfeelthattheiryoungfamilycangetalongokay

withouttheextramoneyrightnow,butifthejobopportunityisonly

temporaryitmaybehelpfultosaveextratoprepareforfuturekids.They

decidethataslongasitisatemporaryjobtogetthemoutoftheirschool

debtsthentheywilldoit.astheywanttostarthavingchildrenwithin

thenextfewyears.

§ Punchline:Clearlycommunicatewithyourspouseinsetting

expectationsandestablishingpriorities.

§ Say:Thisisanexampleofwhatgoesonwhiletryingtocreatea

balanceinmarriage.

2. Ask

§ Whatkindsofbalancingsituationshaveyouexperiencedas

newlyweds?(Startfishingforpossiblescenarios,andcoaching

opportunities.)

§ Howhaveyouworkedthroughthem,orwhatwouldyouliketolearn

today?

3. Read

§ “Welearnourpatternsoftogethernessandindividualityinour

familiesoforigin.Differentfamilieshavedifferentstyles.Somefamilies

emphasizecloseness,whileothersaccentuateindividualneedsand

activities.Yourpartnerwillhavedifferentexpectationsshapedbytheir

familyexperience,soyoumayhavetofindanewbalance.It’scommon

forcouplestostruggleoverfindingthe“rightbalanceoftimespent

togetherandapart,aswellaswhatlevelofclosenesstomaintainwith

one’soriginalfamily.However,youraimshouldbetofindacooperative

ratherthanadversarialwaytoengageinthisessentialprocess”

(Kuhlman,Gregory,&Patricia,2003).

4. Demonstration

§ Haveanemptymasonjarinthefrontoftheclassroomonatable.Next

tothejarhaveadesignatedamountoflargestones.Alsohavea

designatedamountofriceinacupnexttothestones.Holdupthejarto

showtheclass,tellthemthatyouneedtofillupthejarwithalltherice,

andallofthestones.Thericearethingsoflittleimportanceandthe

stonesareofgreaterimportance.Setthejarbackonthetable.Begin

pouringintherice.Whenallthericeisinthejar,pickupsomeofthe

stonesandbeginfillingthejaruntilitisfull.Therewillnotbeenough

roomtoputinallofthestones.Sopullthestonesbackout,andempty

thericebackintothecup.Explaintotheclassthatitisessentialto

prioritizewhatismostimportantasacouplesoyoucanputthemost

importantthingsinfirst.Ifthereisenoughroomyoucanaddinmore.

Holdupeachstoneonebyone,withtheclassgivingsuggestionsofwhat

eachofthestonesrepresent.Thenafterallthestonesareinthejar,talk

aboutwhatthericecouldrepresentandbegintopourthericeintothe

jar.Everythingwillfitintothejarwhenitisbalanced.Themost

importantthingsgoingfirst.Talktotheclassaboutwhattheyhave

learnedfromthisdemonstration.

5. Activity:TheImportanceofBalancingHandout

§ Havetheclasswritedownwhatarethemostimportantprioritiesthat

theyhaveintheirlife(stones).Aswellaswhatislessimportant(rice).

Thiswillhelpsetthestagefortheplanner,andthe5-yearplan.

6. Coaching

§ Howtobalanceasituationwithsomeoneintheaudience.

III. Compromising1. Explain

§ Beingabletoeffectivelyandclearcommunicatewitheachotheriskey

tocompromisingandhelpbringsmutualunderstanding.§ Neverassume§ Consideralltheoptions§ Beconsistentwithyourdecisions§ Beanactivelistener.(Don’tlistenwiththeintenttoreply,listenwith

theintenttounderstand).Video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP55nA8fQ9I§ Checkinwithoneanother§ “Compromiseistheartofacknowledgingthattheotherperson,with

hisorheruniquecharactertraitsandwaysofdoingthings,mightalsobe

right,andinaffirmingthattherelationshipismoreimportantthanthe

differenceinopinion.”(D’souza,M.,n.d)Insimpletermsitis,A

settlementofdifferencesbyamutualagreement(Thedefinitionof

compromise,2016).2. Activity:WatchVideos

§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6YPEs77hF4§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsIcV8QMH-0(Funny)

IV. MakingaPlan1. Explain

§ Talkingasacoupleaboutyourpriorities,andgoals,aswellas

expectationsasindividualsandasacouple.§ Keepaplanner.§ Talkaboutwhatyouwantoutofyourschool,work,andfamilylife.§ Compromisetocreateabalancedplanthateachpersonishappywith.

2. Activity:5YearPlan§ Handeachcoupleablankfive-yearplan.Atthetopofthepageitasks

whatarehis/herexpectationswithschool,workandfamilylife.§ Telltheclass:Thattheywillbeworkingonthemfor7minutesby

themselves.Onlyfillingoutpersonalinformation.Afterthe7minutesthe

couplewillsharewitheachotherwhattheywrote(3minutes).Then

theywillhave10minutestoworkoncombiningtheirplans,andfiguring

outwhattheirmaingoalsare.§ Instructorwalksaroundtheclassroomtoanswerorclarifyany

questions).§ Thestudentswillmostlikelynotfinishthisduringtheappointedtime;

instructthemtostartonthemajorpoints.Theirhomeworkisfinishing

their5-yearplan.3. Ask

§ Whatwasyourexperiencewithstartingyour5-yearplan?4. Activity

§ Givecouplesascenarioofsomethingtheymayhavetobalance.5

minutesTeach:Teachthemwhattheycandototalktoeachother,using

goodcommunicationskillstocometoamutualagreement.Teachthem

tospeak,listenandcooperate.5minutesShow:Callsomeoneoutofthe

audiencetoshowandpracticeinfrontofthegroup.Afterithasbeen

demonstrated,havetheparticipantsitbackdown.6minutesDo:Have

thecouplestaketurnspracticingwhattheylearned.Eachturnis3

minutes.5. PossibleScenario

§ TheHusbandcomeshomefromwork,thesametimeashiswifepulls

intothedrivewayfromschool.Shetellshimthatherparentsjustcalled

herinvitingthemtoSundaydinner.Healsohadtoldhisparentsthey

wouldgotoSundaydinnerattheirhouse.Bothparentsareanxiousfor

theirkidstocometodinner.Thecouplebeginsarguingaboutwhose

housetheyaregoingtogoto.Theycan’tfigureoutasolution.Aftera

minute,thehusbandaskshiswifehowtheycanmakebothoftheir

parentshappy.Thewifethinksforaminuteandoffersthesuggestion

thattheytradeoffeachmonthwhoseparent’stheyspendSundaydinner

with.Herhusbandagrees,andtellshiswifethattheycanstartbygoing

toherparent’shousefirst.6. Ask

§ Whathaveyoulearnedtonightthatyoucanapplyintoyourlivesto

helpfindbetterbalance?

V. Conclusion1. Dependingontimeasksomepeopletosharewhattheyhavelearned.2. Askifthereareanyquestions3. Summarizewhatwastaught

§ “Asyoucontinuelearningtheseskillsandimprovinguponthem,you

willbeabletofindmorebalanceinyourlives.”4. Thankthemforcoming.

VII. ReferencesBoehi,D.(n.d.)The50/50Myth.RetrievedMarch26,2016,from

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/gods-

plan-for-marriage/the-5050-myth

D’souza,M.(n.d.).TheimportanceofCompromiseinarelationship.

RetrievedMarch31,2016,fromhttp://www.mensxp.com/dating/inner-

game/6620-the-importance-of-compromise-in-a-relationship.html

Healy,J.,PhD.(2016).BalancingFamilyandWork.RetrievedMarch24,2016,

fromhttp://www.foryourmarriage.org/balancing-family-and-work/

Khulman,G.,&Khulman,P.(2003).Buildthefoundationforyourlifetimetogether.

RetrievedMarch31,2016,fromhttp://www.stayhitched.com/togeth.html

Thedefinitionofcompromise.(2016).RetrievedMarch31,2016,from

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/compromise.