8/3/2019 Katherine Smith Peer Review

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The original text I chose was a photograph. The photograph is of my boyfriend and I. It is

not a very good picture, but the point of the picture was it’s sentimental value. When someone

looks at a photograph the emotional value can’t easy be explained by just looking at it. This is

the main problem with the photo that was picked. When looking at a wedding or graduation

 pictures it’s easier to discover the value. Photos without a clear point, like mine, have to be

explained. That is the biggest flaw with photographs in general.

So, instead of choosing another photo, I chose to write a short story as my new text. The

short story helps to explain the message I really want to get across. It is easier for people to

connect with because most people can relate to stories. Photographs aren’t as relatable because

the people viewing them normally weren’t there when it happened. When people hear or read

short stories, poems, etc. they can put themselves in the story. This way people can better

understand what’s going on. It’s more difficult to place yourself in a picture. A story can have

emotional value for everyone. Children and adults have favorite stories and books that are

special to them. It’s more likely for people to share nostalgia for a story than a photograph.

With this nostalgia in mind, writing a story about the memory the photo contains seemed

like the best option. In the story, I explain a week before the picture was taken to set the

background for the story. It begins with a search and setting up of the Christmas tree. I wanted to

establish what how the relationship was between my boyfriend and I before I just jumped in to

the actual scene from the picture. After the story’s set up, I get to when the picture was taken.

We were downstairs opening gifts on Christmas morning and I felt the pictures were

unnecessary, hence the lack of effort on my part to look decent in the photo. At the time, and for

a while after, the photographs taken that morning seemed relatively unimportant. Well, the story

skips to six months after Christmas. This was done so the importance of the photo could be made

Comment [CE1]: MLA format 

Comment [CE2]: Describe what the pic

looks like

Comment [CE3]: Why do u think that?

Comment [CE4]: Its. . .not it’s. . .it’s=it is

Comment [CE5]: easily

Comment [CE6]: you make it sound lik

didn’t pick the problem out  

Comment [CE7]: why and how? It make

fluff sentence if you do not explain

Comment [CE8]: vague. . ity feels like a

of random sentences just thrown together

touch on a point and then move to a new s

Comment [CE9]: what do you see in yo

photo? What makes it special? You don’t m

want to continue reading because it seems

you think your picture sucks. Why would Iabout something if you don’t? Make sure y

not completely pick apart your previous it

down since your new genre is an extension

that.

Comment [CE10]: remove

Comment [CE11]: if you want to conve

point of your genre better I thik your shor

should be more desciptive

Comment [CE12]: true. . . so who is you

audience you or everyone

Comment [CE13]: this is a very good po

.elaborate they are not just not there they

also interpet it differently

Comment [CE14]: it would be kind of 

awkward as well

Comment [CE15]: reword. . .I had to re

sentence like 3 times before I understood

Comment [CE16]: Comma usage make

confusing

Comment [CE17]: explain why it wasn’

important at the time

Comment [CE18]: you need a better trarom sentence to sentence you paper is ver

jumpy I d

Comment [CE19R18]: o not know wha

feel like you are leaving important details

could help your work be smoother

8/3/2019 Katherine Smith Peer Review

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evident. The importance was that at the end of the story my boyfriend leaves for the Marine

Corps. The pictures that had seemed so silly before became very important. This is because I

knew I wouldn’t have a Christmas like that again. The story was necessary because all that detail

could not be pertained from a single glance at a photograph.

A single gander doesn’t make something meaningful and when sharing a photo that’s

normally what is wanted. When reading a story you can connect with it. It gives people the

opportunity to see that they aren’t alone, which makes a story meaningful. They can hear what

the characters are thinking and what’s really going on. When looking at a picture, people make

their own assumptions with a story you can avoid that.

What also helps people connect is that when they read a story then can create their own

photographs. What is meant is, when you read something, most people, create their own images

of what things look like. Since they imagine what the scene looks like the story is more relatable

to them. People like things best when they’re put in their own terms. So, being able you imagine

something for yourself increases the value. We can remember the images we create ourselves

better than ones we are shown. When showing something, you want it to be remembered.

Comment [CE20]: space I do not feel lik

youhow? When your put fluff sentences in

that is suppose to be about something ver

sentimental it makes it ackward and it doe

make for a very convincing argument sincdo not have much to say about it 

Comment [CE21]: You need to work on

and eliminate meaningless sentences. Youlot of broad sentences which doesn’t make

like you are telling the story I feel like som

else is telling this story about you. I also fe

lot of your sentences are just fillers. To be

reading your genre recreation and reading

defense I do not feel like they are about th

topic because you leave so much out. Most

sentences are random, but I feel like they d

a place in your work if you elaborated mor

do not make me want to know more about

picture. Your lack of detail makes me glad

you didn’t write a lot because its so confus

becomes frustraiting. I feel like you could

tremendously if you added a lot more deta

transitions , and explained your ideas mor