Kampot Survival Guide Issue 22

8/3/2019 Kampot Survival Guide Issue 22

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Things to see and do...Bokor Mountain (The Hill). A National Park,construction site and area of historic interest.Tours can be sorted through the many tour operators or your guest house, although nowyou can again go up alone by hiring a moto(check the map on page 8). Atop the hill are theruins of both the French built resort and theKhmer re-vamp of the site in the 60's. Thestory starts in 1917 when the French founders

started the construction of the road, it took sixyears to complete and claimed nearly a thosandlives. The “Bokor Palace Hotel” opened in

1925 and catered for the wealthy, although itwas never used as a casino. In 1940 it closedand stayed so until 1959 when Sihanouk (twiceking and former prime minister) made thedecision to make the site a world class resort.

In 1963 the hill re-opened with the addedattraction of Cambodia's first casino in what issometimes now called the “new hotel”. Thecomplex continued to operate till 1972 when itonce again closed. Sokha Hotels are currently building new hotels and casinos on the hill,one is nearing completion and probablyopening for Khmer new year, so lets hope it'sthird time lucky cos as till now the hill hasnever made buck one!River, Boats & Trips. The river is really an

estuary, thus its level only varies with the tideand in heavy rain, it is therefore salty andsupports sea life for the greater part of the year,

In this issue...P 1-9 Things to See and Do.P 9-14 Do's, Dont's and Local Info.P 14 Daily Events.P 14-16 Local Characters.

P 16-19 Street Food Guide.P 19-22 Cainine Cuisine.P 22-25 Ask Lucky.P 25-26 Kampot Faggots.P 26-27 Learn some useful Khmer.P 28 Projects & Volunteering.P 29 Transport, Useful Numbers.P 30-31 Bars, Food & Rooms, Contact us.P 32 Not a Map.

The Gods practised first on Heaven, then they made Kampot. Come and see why it's so special.Officially an unofficial guide to Kampot and its attractions, places to go and things to do.

KSG Issue 22 Febuary - April 2012

Bokor Palace Hotel c1950




2http://kampotsurvivalguide.blogspot.com www.facebook.com/KampotSurvivalGuide/

fish and crab following their preferred salinelevels through the seasons, Tek Chhou is the breaking point and beyond there it's all freshwater. It is very possible to hire a boat andcrew for the day, ask at your guesthouse or atone of the bars, most will be able to help, butthe best trips by far are those with Bart theBoatman 092174280. Popular trips are up theriver and its lost turns stopping at a couple of riverside establishments to refresh, down theriver to the sea is good too with a nice view of the Cambodian navy and fishing fleets, and of course the sunset cruises. For the early birddolphin watching trips are also possible, check Prek Thnout Community.Rapids (Tek Chhou). A series of stones inflowing water, a major tourist resort for theKhmer and fun for all, cool crystal clear water

running down from the semi de-mined hills of Bokor. Unfortunately as there are now damsupstream the quantity of flowing water may bedisapointing, but it's still worth a look. One of the many Generals here has recently built a spaon the back of this water, he claims it hashealth improving qualities and has called it"Tada Bokor", so we have spring water as wellas just bottled now!The Front. The east bank is commonly justtermed the “front” and it's a great place to befor sunset and dar-ling, strolling, rolling andconversing around sunset. Most of theforeigner orientated business are concentratedalong this strip or near to it, so it's a greatstarting place for the evening, later opening bars tend to be further from the front, on your way home!Beach. There are a few beaches within spittingdistance of Kampot, those at Kep and the socalled secret (Angkaul) beach, ones to the south

of Kampot and those about 17Km toward

Snook along highway 3. There are even tidedependent beaches all along the river, Utopia

and the Green House have their own beachesthat defy the tide. Some of the beaches still bear the scars of seaweed farming with massesof wooden poles piercing the shallow sea, between them are typical Khmer houses builton stilts, 500m or more out to sea.Fish Isle & Nut Hill. Go over either bridgetowards Snook and turn second left, soon youwill cross a bridge, you are now on fish isle,keep to the main part of the road and eventuallyyou will get to the new trails and then the coast.It's a stunning place to explore with amazing





270° views that are far too good to miss!Caves. There are many caves around Kampot,many have Buddhist shrines with specific powers, so you may well see people camped

there seeking help for their ailments. Though byfar the best caves are at Kampong Trach, it maycost you a little more to get there but its worthit, about 40km toward the Vietnamese border.The National Zoo! Along the Tek Chhou roadand just past Utopia you will find the Zoo. Youcan enjoy the zoo in many ways, it will shock you but you will enjoy it. It has a surprisinglylarge range of animals from all over the world,most of which you will see as they don't makecages where the animals can hide. Paying a

small extra charge lets you ride your moto, tuk tuk or drive a car round the zoo, just to makesure the specimens are awake. Strangely theZoo also has rooms available, but the cages aremuch cheaper.

Museum. With the recent loss of the culturalcenter in Kampot no proper museums exist at present, but lo, we have a saviour in the nameof Jean-Michel Filippi. He plans to open a

regional interactive museum in Kep!Magic (White) Mountain. With a little helpyou may be able to find this one, it's more of ahill than a mountain but its still a sod climbingit, scattered around the hill are shrines and atthe top you may well meet the witch and her two followers, don't piss them off as the spellsthey cast are good.Waterfalls. The falls are seasonal here, thereis little point in visiting during the dry seasonand they can be hard to get to in the wet. Most

moto drivers and all guides will know how toget you to the most popular ones, at worst itshould only take you two hours to walk tothem, though much longer if you are stupid anddecide to wear flip flops. It's said that one set of falls has been seen by less than 10 westernerssince its discovery in the early 1900's, so don't bother asking where they are.Trekking. Use guides and stick to the paths,take the given advice, if you plan to do the hill

contact the Rangers or a tour that uses them, it'sdangerous up there so take sensible things withyou, ipods rarely save lives.Dams and Lakes. A series of small dams haverecently been repaired just outside Kampot,they were originally built as a KR project andnever a secret lake, but they lasted till the late90's when one failed. Now they are rapidly

Legend of Kampot termsPot = Kampot. Pot-pat® = x-pat living in thePot. Snook = Sihanoukville / Kompong Som(where Pot-pats go to die). Bodge =

Cambodia/Cambodge. GH = Guesthouse.PP = Phnom Penh. Fish Isle = Koh D'tray. Nut Hill = Phnom Dung. Nuts = Coconuts.Snail = Backpacker. Boom boom = bodycavity/sausage massage. Gaylim = daelimfrom Kep or with basket. Taxi girl/boy = body cavity/sausage masseur. Repeatoffender = tourist or x-pat that keepsreturning to the Pot. JF = KSG's first acereporter, Jack the Father. Glue = tobaccosubstitute. KSG = Kampot Survival Guide.

X-Pot = X Pot-pat. The Hill = Bokor Mountain. Poofta = one who is kepish or notreally trying (Belgian in origin). Pirate =someone on a boat trip. KFC = KampotFootball Club. Got questions about Kampot, ask them here.





becoming touristed with a small selection of bars n cafe's skirting the edges of the reservoir and the durian plantations. Rubber rings and peddilo boats may be hired though the sceneryshould be enough to keep you happy. To getthere head towards Kep and turn left at therhino, then go straight on till you see the water,easy. Up the river from the rapids the Chineseare constructing a huge dam, we all hate it tooas it's flooded us all at least twice, but thefinished project will produce 180MW with justthe small cost of 2K hectares of national park.Pagodas. Look for the tell tale fancy gates and

soon you will see the Pagodas, the monks arealways happy to see you and practise their English, do wear suitable clothing whenvisiting, don't show too much flesh that is.Secret Pagoda. It's not really a secret andhardly a pagoda, but it's one of the seven secret places the Pot used to boast (the not so secretlake was never one of them!). There are twoways of getting there, walking or riding, I knowwhich method I would choose cos it's up a steephill. To get there head up towards the rapids, if you plan to walk the turning you want is a left before the zoo, riding you go for the left turnafter the zoo, there is a statue of a young princeon the way up, he eventually became Buddha.Take a camera as the views are stunning.Bird House. Thanks to the Chinese influencein Kampot we have a few bird houses that produce a truly Chinese delicacy, birds nestsoup. Some of these houses are make shift andothers are specially built for the job. On the Tek

Chhou road next to the generator plant a huge bird house has been built, just look for a bighouse with no windows. They simulate caveconditions and tempt the birds in by playinglooped bird calls, playing loudest at sunset.

Bridges. We have 3 of them, all can be walked but by far the most fun is the railway bridge,take a walk over it and check out the battledamage. The new bridge is now a fashionablemeeting place for kids, especially now it hasnew road markings, painted on just over a year after its opening. The old bridge is still just adeath trap, be careful in the wet or at sunset!Railway Station. Futuristic design in acorrugated rust peppered steel shell. For a tasteof how good this station is check out the one16Km towards Snook, it's just off the mainroad and somewhat lacking in the walls androof departments, but it still makes a cracking picture. A company called Toll Holdings wonthe concession to revamp these lines well over three years ago, they promised we would havea working train system by now that would

speed us to pp in about three hours, we are still bloody waiting!Bamboo Train. Running on the main rail lines(where available) these small make shift trainsare/were available for rent, tour groups andmoto drivers know/knew how to get you rollingon one of these moto powered trains, rumoursalso suggest you may well be able to enter Vietnam by one, though the legalities are

Standard Cambodian Units.KW or Kilowatt = Number of Watts or Pagodas per province.

9mm = The gap between any two items thatshould be connected.

Power to weight ratio = If you have power, you

don't have to wait (also applies to money).Maximum passenger load = there is alwaysspace for one more.

Western Conversions.1 Khmer unit = 1.5 – 2 Western units.This works for prices, sizes, drinks, seats anddistances.





somewhat doubtful.Port. A deep water port is under constructionnot far past the entrance to Bokor, no prizes for guessing what traffic they are looking for, yep

cruise ships to fill the new rooms and casinoson the hill, although they do have a free tradezone planned too. It could be an interesting tripif you have never seen a port being built.Kampot Airport, KMT (Daelim Drag-racingTrack). Along the Tek Chhou road andopposite the school is the old air strip, or as wehave it now the Daelim drag strip. Recently ithosted trials between the cream of Kampot andthe best of Snook. Expect more action soon asthe national league is formed, also expect

Kampot to be atop of this league.Pepper. Bloody good pepper is grown in these parts, probably the best in the world! Basictours are available everywhere but for the fullstory contact "Farm Link" as they are planningspecialised tours. So go out to a plantation andsee how it's grown and don't forget to buy some before you leave here.Durian (the king of fruits). This is what thearea is famous for, the worlds best durian fruit.

A spiky smelly fruit, eat with your mouth notyour nose! There are many plantations alongthe Tek Chhou road to the rapids.Salt. This is a major Kampot export, south of the city are many salt flats skirting the coastsand the salty rivers, some of the easiest to seeare on fish isle, second left over either bridgeand straight on, or just head south along the east bank of the river. There is a theory rice production is about to be started in these veryareas, the worlds first ready salted rice will be

Khmer!Pot Holes. The pot hole was invented inKampot and is still it's greatest export. Initiallydevised for traffic control it's popularityrecently soared with Cambodia's adoption of

"free range golf". A game where you hit a golf ball in any direction with the intent to end itstravel in a pot hole.Water Sports. The world is your lobster here

with an ever expanding choice of ways to playin the river. At present we have canoes, speed boats, jet ski's, wind surfing, water skiing, kitesurfing and more, check out the ad's or listingsfor more details.Aquatic Centre. The National OlympicCommittee of Cambodia has just opened thecountry's first Aquatic Centre here in the Pot,it's intended to give training for rowers





competing in the Olympic, SEA and AsianGames but will eventually be used for recreation and tourism. So get down there andcheck out the dragon boats.

Boxing. Official boxing events do happen here but not often, though it's far more likely youwill see bar owners squaring up to each other late on the front, this is all part of the build upfor Kampot's Inter Bar Boxing Championshipto be held next season, Snook has a similar project for sumo and Kep is going the mudwrestling route.Football. You can often catch a game at theOlympic stadium near the main traffic circle,there has even been a couple of tournaments

there, so check it out it could be fun.Volley ball. Sporadic games are played at thewaste ground near the old bridge, find a goodmoto to lean on or sit on the wall.Pétanque/Boules. A game played with metal balls and becoming increasingly popular in thePot, you will see many locals lobing balls intheir spare time. There are plenty of pitchesaround that you may be able to get a game,though the easiest to find are at the Boules bar

and Blissful GH.

Badminton. Epic Arts performance centre hasfacilities for playing, equipment may be hiredand booking in advance seems like a good ideato avoid disappointment.

Gym. There is no official gym in the city,Orchid guest house used to have some weightsand a bench, Utopia has a make shift jungletype gym with the extra attraction of trainingwith Max the knife. Recent reports suggestthere may well be a boxing style gym openacross the river, it's on the Tek Chhou road and between the bridges.Fishing. It's possible but don't expect to be asgood as the locals are. Ultimately fishing onlygives you practise at waiting, that's why it's not

called catching.Golf. No we do not have a course yet but oneis in the way, on fish isle so we are told. Theclosest golf may well be the crazy golf courseat the "Magic Sponge". For a proper courseyou'll have to go to PP.Swimming. Swimming within the city limitsis strictly prohibited with the exception of theriver, which has been designated the officialswimming pool, several bars have offered free

beer to the first to swim a length. But do bear





in mind the nature of the river and its tidalcycles before jumping in, the tide means thatshite dropped in the river during the dry seasonhangs around, so it may be better to headfurther up the river, or to the rapids or the beach.Swimming Pools. Borey Bokor I has a poolwhere you can pay per day, the cost may be ashigh as $5 per a day. Pools further out includeVilla Vidici and Nataya, with almosteverywhere in Kep having pools, but accessmay be limited or expensive.Pool. There are but a few tables in the city andall of them are obstructed. A couple of Khmer places have rough ones, Bodhi Villa has areasonable table upstairs, the Magic Sponge,Wunderbar and Madi's also have tables of differing qualities.

Palm Wine. A natural and traditional localdrink, best taken close to where its made, anymoto or tuk tuk driver will be happy take youout to try some, but be careful it's surprisinglystrong and smells like sour milk.Rice Wine. This fella can really batter you, it's bloody cheap and well strong, many Khmer café’s will have large jars full of the stuff,usually with strange additives in them, like oddvegetables and dead reptiles, caution is

recommended.Shopping. Almost everything is available inthe mass of shops between new and old bridgestreets, the market etc. There are alsosupermarkets, OK, well two and they are on themain and the salt workers traffic circles.Market. What can I say, markets are marketsand are the same the world over, crowded hotand cramped, but you can buy cheap food andall sorts of goods there.Old Market. Piercing the front is the end of

the old market, it has been home for thehomeless but most recently its was used for boat storage and indoor volleyball matches, wethink the boats may have been rescue boats for the rainy season. Soon though the market willre-open as stalls are now on sale, get in quick if you want one!Hospital. Between the old and new bridgesand you will see the hospital, it's been under heavy construction and filling is us all with

hope as many forign nationals have beenstocking it up with new high tech equipment.Remember it is a referral hospital so it maywell be closed when you have your accident. Near the new bridge street is a flash clinic, sonow we have a choice!

Prison. Well worth a look, see just what youcan expect if you seriously cross the line here.On average there are two westerners in the prison all the time, so be good! Prisoners areoften seen around town working in sort of chain gangs, but without the chains, it seemsnone of them try to escape. It's usually OK totake pic's but if there is someone on guard ask first.Pond (mosquito farm). Just back from thefront is the pond, it's a pretty spot and quite picturesque, it may even be worth fishing there.Massage. You are spoilt for choice here butmy X-wife's particular favourite is the SreyChann 017621958, she has a shop just roundthe corner from the post office. Seeing HandsVb is next to Bar-Red and is good. Fragranceoffers stylish surroundings and similar wares

and is one street back from the front.Manicure. A late night emergency service isnow available at the new clinic, for standardservice try Tokyo Salone opposite Bar-Red or Jolie Jolie near Paris GH..Betting. Once upon a time the governmentlicensed betting offices, this avenue of pleasurehas now been taken away from the averageKhmer, religion may well be the only gamble





the Khmer have left. But down at the border crossing things are different, in no-mans landthey have built several casinos, one even has a booking office near to the bus station, pop in ansee what offers they have. A new hotel andcasino is due to open on the hill soon, it's not in

a very picturesque spot, but casino's don't needviews.Cyclo Rides. Due to the eccentricities of Pot-Pats Kampot now has Cyclo rides on offer, youmay even be able to rent one to get a real tasteof work, so go and get sweaty.Moto Rental. It's popular, it's fun and it'sdangerous. Motos are cheap to rent and veryavailable, the roads however are pretty bad andlocal traffic rules will evade you, so go slow,watch out for cows n kids, go really slow on

dirt roads or in the rain and always show thePot-Pats your latest wounds.Dirtbike Rental. Dirtbikes in Cambodia areinherently gay as everywhere a dirtbike goes, aDaelim has been before, probably carrying 4

people and all their luggage. They are however available for rent, be careful.Cinema. As all four cinemas in town closed along time back, the city is now without suchfacilities, until December 2009 that was as theRoyal Theatre was re-opened to host

Cambofest, an international film festival.Kampot also has couple of semi big screens,check advertising to see who is showing whatand where. Epic Arts and Kepler Books sellDVD's too, which could be handy if you haveaccess to a player.Nightlife. The Pot has a full compliment of nightlife available, with late night bars, foodand now even a night club.Live Music. Several warring factions of musicians have graced Kampot bars this year,

almost all of them so expect to hear live musicdrifting along the river and side streets. Sadlyno real battle of the bands has occurred yet,though we are told Pot musicians are in themiddle of a price war. Several open mic nights





exist too so check out the chalk boards for moredetails.Karaoke. There are many opportunities to singyour heart out in Kampot, most suchestablishments dot the outskirts of the city but afew have sneaked within the city limits, to findthem hire a Tuk Tuk or follow the noise, but beaware these places are there to make money,this is done via hostesses or inflated prices.Boom Boom (Sausage Services). There aremany venues for internal body massage withinthis fair city, currently over 15 and normallyaimed at a quick fire one stop service. Don'tever think it's like Thailand, Snook or PP, it'sKhmer style business, Mc Donald's of the east.Just look for red lights at night (with theexception of the red neon bar sign!) or visit oneof the many late night Karaoke bars. Oh, and

there is no truth in the rumour that you win a badge for doing all 15 in one night. Whatever you do, always use a wilkinson (love sock)!Gay. Kampot now has a thriving gay scene, somuch so that there is little point in going to Kepany more. Sadly there are no set bars or clubs toaccommodate the masses, though the DragonClub does its best. So you will have to look around, thankfully all bars are gay friendly.Kep. Day trips are OK but further

investigation seems unnecessary, unless you'rea loner or a romancing couple wanting to getaway from it all. All that said, Kep has someodd qualities that strangely shine through,empty houses, trails and beaches make for easyand pleasurable exploring, also with businessesin Kep being an average of over 1km apart youwill get some maybe needed exercise.Talent Spotting. See if you can recognise anyof the local characters listed later in this rag, or even find some new ones and submit them.

Do's, Dont's and Local Info...The King. Probably the coolest King in theworld, never seen without a smile and anencouraging word, truly a great man. He alsohas a cracking sense of humour, and althoughhe lives in Siem Reap we know he has a softspot for the Pot. It's OK to ask questions aboutthe King, everybody seems to love to talk abouthim, my X-wife has even had an audience withhim, a joking and laughing affair. See, it's notodd here like it is in Thailand.

Locals. Generally very friendly, all will wantto help you, many will want to practice their

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English on you so be prepared for a slow startto the conversation, and watch out for the kidsand their “hello ambushes”.Pot-Pats. Many Pot-Pats grace Kampot, some

working on projects and manning the manywestern businesses, others eke out an existencein unknown manners, all will be bored of traveltails and backpacker woes, but most will also be happy to talk to interesting folk for the priceof some beers.Beggars. Stump envy has hit Kampot withable bodied beggars renting crutches, be sure tocheck the quantity of limbs before donating to

some of these beggars, but don't forget some people rely on these donations for survival,there are no pensions or free health service'shere.

Backpackers. Known as snails to Pot-Pats, pregnant if wearing two backpacks (when seenwithout backpacks they are sometimes callednaked or slugs). Usually seen walking from GHto GH while fully packed, being too damn tightto pay for a moto driver or tuk tuk that wouldhelp them (yes you, put my guide back youtight git!). Generally welcomed in city bars aslong as the money is good, rumours of backpackers being shot on sight in Kep areunfounded.

Hippies. Several have been sighted during the past few months but in vastly diminishingnumbers, the secret eradication scheme seemsto be working, a local spokesman states: “Weare glad to see an end to the 'Suspected HippiesIn Transit' problem”.Backpacks. Contrary to common backpacker belief, you do not need to carry a backpack allthe time in Kampot, nor do you need to carrywater bottles. In six years of living in the

Bodge I have never needed more than pocketspace for all necessary items, if I need a drink I buy one from the many vendors, and it's coldtoo!Lonely Planet. After years of research, theactual use of the Lonely Planet guide has beendiscovered. The book in its true form should beheld in front of the user, so the said user mayread the content you may think, but wrongly. Itis actually just used as a counterbalance to the backpack the user is wearing, QED.

Rough Guide. Very similar to the LP but soonto be updated. Actually we know the budget for updating this baby, it cost an air fare and sixweeks of $20/day, a total of less than $2000, soit's very doubtful this update will be extensive.





Footprint Guide. This fella was a brand newguide, written from scratch we were told. It wasmost surprising when reading the listingswithin it that it listed businesses that had closedmore than six years previous, a very bloody poor effort indeed!Sun. A bristled head is not adequate UV protection so always wear a hat, local sunblocksalso have added ingredients you may wish toavoid, i.e. bleaching agents to whiten your skin,so watch out.Money. The power of the dollar is failing, thussome establishments will offer you exchangerates as low as R3800 to the $1, it's a good timeto switch to the Euro.Haggling. Bartering is expected in markets, it'sfun and should find a price both parties arehappy with, but if you see a price listed that's

the price you pay.Smokes. Cigarettes are cheap and plentifulhere but watch out you don't run short late atnight, or you may pay some guy on the streetdouble price for an open pack.Glue. Smoking weed in Kampot is generally ano no, a few places may allow you to smoke inan out of the way place but ask first, further outof town it's less strict. Don't forget it's illegal tosell weed in Cambodia, so don't bother asking

the Pot-Pats to sell you some, you won't get anyand you will get offended.Beers. Draught beer has hit Kampot, currentlywe have three different flavours, CambodiaBeer, Anchor and Angkor, my fave is Cambodiaas it's the only one thats owned by Cambodians,Anchor is brewed under a Singapore licenseand Angkor is owned by the Danes andMalaysians. Many canned and bottled beers areavailable to suit all tastes, but the local fave isAnchor cans, it separates residents from tourists

who insist on drinking Angkor, sometimes in big bottles, warm beer users are odd!Water. Don't drink the tap water, old old story, but you can purify it by adding two parts vodkato one part tap water. Bottled water is availableeverywhere, even the cheapest is OK but tastesdiffer, just look for shops with an orange ice box outside, and to be honest, I have foundnowhere in the Pot where you can't see coldwater for sale, so it's silly to carry water with

you.Food. All the food is good here, the ice is goodtoo, so don't be a poof about it. Most businesses serve food till about 21.30, if youmiss that window of opportunity not all is lost

but your choice drops dramatically, check out

the street food guide later in this rag.MSG. Man-made salty gravy, not seen in mostrestaurants due the the availability of fresh produce, however it's totally necessary oninstant noodles.Toilets. There are no western type publictoilets in Kampot, but all proper bars havethem, phew! Khmer toilets are everywhere,every bush, tree and sign is fair game.The Bum Gun. Possibly the best invention

ever and has made possible the true paperlessoffice. It's uses are many fold and range fromthe intended bum cleaning to ant control, but possibly my fave is mosquito killing, use thegun to shoot the buggers down and let surfacetension do the rest.Doctoring. There's a Pharmacy opposite themarket on the new bridge road, its a wellstocked first call, from there its possibly best tocheck the new clinic near the new bridge road,from there PP and then Bangkok, best of all

just don't get ill. Even if you are not ill youcould always just have a medical treat, youcould have an x-ray or body scan for $10 or so,so go on, spoil yourself.





Dehydration. This is what we all have towatch out for, it's all too easy not to drink enough, eventually you stop sweating andoverheat, cooking yourself. So keep the fluidscoming in.Elephants. No we do not have our ownelephant but we do have one visit from time totime, it comes from Chook and pops down witha magic medicine man selling charms to themasses, it usually stops at the market but hasbeen sighted on the Tek Chhou road heading for the rapids, probably on the way for a swim.Dangerous Animals. Reports of crocodile andshark attacks in the river are unproven, tiger and bear on the hill also have a disappointinglylow body count, the last elephant reportedapparently packed its trunk and headed off tojoin the circus, snakes and spiders are rarely

seen due to their prominence on local menus, soit's unlikely you'll have any animal problemshere, it's far more dangerous riding bikes.Dogs. Now these can be a problem. MostKhmer families have dogs (actually all dogs inCambodia have the same name, dog,pronounced “ch kai”) and at night they putthem on the streets to protect their property.Problem is that the later it gets the more thedogs protect, they form packs, gangs and sendcoded messages across town coordinating their attacks. When staggering home late, walk in themiddle of the road with a confident pace, if youare hounded turn round sharply and cock your arm ready to throw imaginary stones at them, itworks. If you do actually get bitten take itseriously and get rabies shots, preferably in thePasteur Institute Phnom Penh, get them straightaway and they're cheap, wait and you will get ahuge bill or die.Cats. Most cats here are genetically stunted,

well their tails are. They are not mutilated at

birth as some think, they actually come out thatway, poor sods. It seems they were introduced by the French along with sparrows and pigeons, but in insufficient numbers so their gene pool is very limited.Malaria/Mosquitoes. There are no major malaria problems in Kampot, there are however many mosquitoes so get some deet on. If youintend on doing the hill put lots of deet on asthere you can actually get malaria, oh and don'ttrust the local medicines as many are Chinesefakes, as they are too in many of the localclinics, so beware!Ants. All ants are bastards, ask any local or Pot-Pat. Avoid encouraging them by not bringing food into your room, protect your drink with the condensation formed on your glass, produce a small puddle and the ants will

leave your pop alone. Try not to stand in thesame place too long, ants attack feet regularly,watch out for tree ants too, they're big red andusually attack from above. Local kids havefound offensive uses for these savage creatures,it has been known for people to be hit by ant bombs, whole nests of pissed off tree ants arethrown at their intended target, devastating.Coconuts. Nuts are a real problem, they claimas many as 600 lives each year in Thailand, soavoid loitering around the bottom of nut trees,unless you want to help us beat the Thai's.Lightning. More than 100 deaths every wetseason, and the last one was quite an averagewet season! It's a good idea to think aboutwhere you are standing when it rains.Statues. Most road junctions are marked witha statue, it makes sense when a large part of the population cannot read, it makes it possible totravel long distances without maps or sign posts, i.e. go straight on at the rhino and then

turn left at the horse.





Walking. It's safe walking in Kampot, butcouple of bag thefts have been reportedrecently, this is new and a very rare thing, sodon't panic! Just avoid using bags, if you need a

bag look after it and only put the things youneed in it.Parking. Generally its OK to park anywhere inKampot, but do have a look to see if you are parking in someone's drive, Khmer get pissedoff if they can't get their land cruiser in thedrive, Pot-Pats throw rocks at you, parking can be tough in some areas! So park outside the business you are visiting, or along the river sideof the front. As to parking yourself it's best totake a room, sleeping out may cost you a lot

more in fines!Electricity. Do not bet on the timing or lengthof power cuts, the supplier and Cambo 6 havethe system rigged.Street Lighting. Don't expect any and youwon't be disappointed. Some of the main areasnow sport fancy lanterns and make for favourable routes across town, but sadly themajority of the city is without. Take a torchwith you if you are staying out of the way and

plan to be out late. Kep has recently installedstreet lighting along its beach front, this is notfor the pleasure of tourists but to attract crabs.Banks. There are two main banks in Kampot,Acleda and Canadia, both should be able tohelp. Canadia Bank also has a new ATM thataccepts all major cards with the ATM at Acledaonly accepting Visa cards. A new bank withATM has just opened on the PP road towardsthe market, too much choice!Post Office. Ah, opening times, er well this is

Cambodia and things don't always run to stricttimetables, but the best time I have found ismid morning, after that you are in unknownterritory. The office will also close for every public holiday and half excuse.

Photo Shop. There are a few capable photoshops in town, a couple on the main trafficcircle and one past the market.Internet and International Calls. There are

many net cafés in the city, some of them beingsituated along old bridge street and some on or near to the front, all should be able to handlevoice over internet calls, CD burning, printingand basic surfing.Book Shop. There is the newsagent near themain traffic circle and Kepler's books oppositethe old market, some guest houses also sell books.





Newsagent. Near the main traffic circle andalongside Borey Bokor II is a newsagent, itswell stocked in Kampot terms and can be handyif you really want a copy of the previous daysnews, yes they keep them for odd sods like me.TV. We have cable TV here but the channelselection is limited, retune your set to accessany new channels available. Pay per view isavailable for channels not normally supplied, acase of Anchor usually does it.Radio. There is one radio station you canreceive on FM, Kampot's local one in Khmer,short wave gives you more choice but you canstill only get 12 hrs of BBC.Weather. “There are holes in the sky where therain gets in, but they are only small, that's whyrain is thin” words of wisdom by SpineMillington. According to our weather team

rainy season is over, so expect to get wet lessoften. If it does rain on you remember to claimyour visa refund, $5 for each day of rain, besure to save some rain as proof. Joking apartthe rain always warns you when it's coming, if the wind gets up, take cover!Police. If you manage to get entangled with the police its probably best to get your guesthouseinvolved, do tell the Pot-Pat's too as they love agood laugh, and don't expect sympathy fromanyone, its a Khmer way to laugh at suchthings, especially death.Theft. There is very little theft in Kampot, buttry not to put temptation in people's way. Your shoes however may well be in danger, this veryreal threat is from drunken backpackers, sowatch out!Politics. There are three main parties operatingwithin Kampot province, the “TupperwareParty” the “Anne Summers Party” and the“Fancy Dress Party”. It's best not to go too far

into Khmer politics, just accept it.Corruption. There is no corruption in

Cambodia, none at all! The country, like all of its neighbours, is commission based, that's whyit's so easy to do things here, everybody willhelp you because they earn a small fee for their effort.Commission. Please refer to corruption.

Daily Events...Dar-ling. A daily slow motorbike race comestunt bike trials along the river front, displaysevery night all along the front at sunset.Fishing Boat Race. “Gok-sok” is the currentleader of the league but competition is hottingup, every afternoon around 5pm they racedown the river to the rich pickings of the sea,it's a nail biting thriller that sets the frame for sunset and the end of another hectic day.Traffic Circle. Occasionally there areconcerts, fairs and promotions at the maintraffic circle, there may be live music, films,stalls and games to play, so get down there if you suspect something maybe on.Shrimp Fishing. Every evening you will seemen with miners' lamps scouring the river banks hunting for shrimp. Its worth a look asthe guys are always friendly.Fruit Stalls. Every evening old bridge streetfills up with fruit shake stalls, various strange

fruits are converted to fluid before your veryeyes, it's worth a look.Line Dancing. At sunset in the park behindthe old market local fatties attempt to looseexcess weight, it's a serious affair and costsmoney to join in, though it's enough fun justwatching.

Local Characters...$100 Prize offered for the first reader with

confirmed sightings of all listed characters, tick them off as you go, preferably with





photographic evidence and thumb prints. Crazy Frog. There are two contenders for thetitle of “crazy frog”, neither are French but both mimic their chosen idol closely, rarelyseen together but both parade the river frontalmost daily. Darth Vader. Large shiny foreigner seencruising the front during opening hours, it issuspected that he is engaged in market research,selected candidates are interrogated in situwherever he catches them, watch out for thisodd character. Push Bikie Man (AKA Jack the Father or JF). Sweaty skinny foreigner always seenattached to some form of pedal poweredtransport, Bokor Hill is no challenge for thisguy so his local knowledge of impassable trailsis unsurpassed within the Province, often

offensive to tourists and Pot-Pats alike,approach with caution. Racy Dog. Racy patrols a beat around the2000 monument, he is currently unbeaten byany form of motor transport, probably all youwill see of him is his clean pair of heels as he passes you. Bag Lady. Seen cruising the streets on amodified bicycle with basket, has a totalobsession with plastic bags but is rarely seenwith any, contact should be avoided. Mr Tongue. Seen performing at the home of gurning, a somewhat corroded establishment.Observed clearing his or others nostrils with histongue, a must see. Mr Spoons. Utilising the latest spoon tuningtechniques, Mr Spoons is devising newmethods of mine detection and destruction.This pasty munching spoon playing jeep ridingfella should be avoided in polite conversation.Last seen performing Indiana Jones impressions

along the front. Predator. Following his successful moviecareer Predator has settled in the Pot, truth betold he actually twatted Arnie, anyhow you maycatch sight of the big man either on land or water as he is a nautical type and mostlyfriendly. Bat Woman. Working a beat from the Pot toPP Bat Woman dispatches mosquitoes toBuddha for rapid reincarnation, sometimes seen

wheilding two bats in a martial arts frenzy,somewhat akin to the star wars movies, atselected bars only. Ringo Starr (AKA Crash Test Dummy). This jovial fellow has crash tested most moto's onhire in Kampot, he will gladly show you his

latest wounds at a local guest house, totallyharmless and answers to “Eric”, though in anangry fashion. Sand Man. Often seen scooting around onwheels or rowing his boat, usually looking for lost shoes and food. Like most Scots he hasstrange sleeping habits so also look for him insand piles, ditches and drives, friendly to all. Gnome. Can be seen traversing the roads lateat night in search of fluids, this rain readyfellow has aspirations of being a jockey, sonever turn your back on him, he also attemptsterminator impressions, usually friendly andmostly harmless. Vibro Man. Submitted by David of HInfamy's Spouse. This guy patrols the taxiranks practising his Bilbo Baggins impressions,requiring vast amounts of fluids for these

performances he may well apply to you for sponsorship, and if he likes you he might evenshow you his collection of vibrating electricalappliances, unmissable! Comba Crew. This trio of musically mindedfolk perform mime and air guitar whilstkeeping their eyes closed in fear of popping.Seen most evenings at musically minded bars. Gandhi Man. This spindle legged fellow can





be seen during the early evenings, usually cladwith some form of writing and willing to sell books to anyone, friendly and usually harmless. Sausage Hunter (AKA Head Hunter). Thismainly nocturnal lass can be seen scouting outnew happy hours and local bars. Well versedwith the worlds mating rituals and habits this

lass tracks down and secures her kills beforeclosing time. Approach with caution. Rubber Band Man. This flexible fellow isin training to become a one man band,confirmed sightings are sporadic butrewarding, dependant on his fluid level.Friendly but don't mention the ashes!

By Steve J (with a "P")

Kampot Street Food GuideCheap Eats For About A Dollar.

Spam Baguettes: half or full bread roll withtwo or three kinds of highly processed wtf ersatz meat (allegedly pork), shallot, cucumber and tomato with sweet or chili sauce. Price:R1500 to R2500. Where: all around Kampot(look for the stack of baguettes on an amblingtrolley) but centralized around the main trafficcircle and down old bridge road in theevenings. SB’s are also available in chickenand pork versions but while the meat isrecognizable, they are more expensive andmeat portions can be parsimonious.Fruit Drinks: identifiable and exotic fruits of your choice are placed in a blender andemulsified with sweetened condensed milk,coconut milk, sugar, Milo, ice and possibly anegg. Tastes a lot better than it sounds but

insulin dependent diabetics should approachwith caution. Price: R2000. Where: on the old bridge road and on the Kep road just past theTwo Cows intersection and on a peripatetictrolley coming soon to you.Sweet Food: another workout for your pancreas. Bananas, beans, sticky rice, ginger and other fruits are sliced and diced and placedin a marinade of sweetened condensed milk,coconut milk liquefied sugar and egg andserved in a plastic cup with a spoon. Again, better than the description would indicate.Price: R1000. Where: on the old bridge road,down from the Canadia bank ATM and in frontof the cake shop at the main traffic circle.Noodles: a half a liter of normal saline is added

KSG Users Comments...A truly great beer mat substitute, J.S, UK.Invaluable in a country without toilet paper,A.M, SA. I couldn't read it but it stopped mytable wobbling, W T Spain. Your guide isuseless in Sihanoukville, M.H, USA. Piratesstole my copy! P.S, UK. My copy has killed atleast 50 mosquitoes, L.F, France. Where can I

buy a copy of the legendary issue 4? S N,Snook. It's too thin for roaching, F.T NL.Promise you will never translate this intoFrench, B.M. Fra. You never warned me aboutwasps, can I sue? A.T. Aus. I extended my pleasure of your guide by soaking it in petrolso it burnt longer, T.W. Kep. I'm confused! F.G.Pot. When folded coffectly the rag makes agood weed pouch, J.B. USA.

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to generic dried packet noodles and then

various goodies are added to the mix. Some of these goodies are recognizable. The plasticflavouring sachets are sometimes left in thebowl at serving, possibly to provide extradietary roughage but more likely todemonstrate that you are eating a qualityproduct. This is an excellent all-roundnutritious and electrolyte replacement meal.Price: R2000 to R4000 for the chock full of wtf protein version. Where: everywhere. Look for

the stack of packet noodles on stalls or rambling trolleys.Ice Cream: despite popular travel guide bookswarning to the contrary, Kampot expats do eatlocally made ice cream from meanderingtrolleys without subsequently going to the toileta lot. There are at least four sellers in town butlook for the man with the itinerant bicyclepowered trolley along riverside. Price: R500 toR1000Popcorn: The sweet variety familiar to

Westerners and generally of high quality. Notehowever that un-popped corn is poorly sortedfrom popped and indiscriminately biting downon one of these kernels may cost you a dentalfilling. Look for gallivanting trolleys with bags

of popcorn hanging from their sides. Where:often based near the post office on riverside inthe evening but also around town. Price: R500for the small and R1000 for the large bag.Duck Embryos: strictly for the culinaryadventurous S.E. Asia traveler, or expats whohave lost the plot entirely, an un-hatchedduckling is boiled in its shell and eaten with aspoon. The duckling should be sufficientlyformed so as to be el dente. Where: on the old bridge road and on the Kep road just past theTwo Cows intersection. Price: R1500.Bar-B-Qued Squid: dried small squid arestacked and suspended from the sides of peregrinating trolleys where they resembledecks of cards with tentacles or somethingfrom a low budget SCI FI movie. Chock full of high tensile sea-foody flavour, your chosen

squid are served for takeaway, lightly toastedover charcoal with a chili dipping sauce. Anexcellent spicy beef jerky is often sold from thesame trolley. Where: often based on theriverside strip but also on touring trolleysaround town. Price: R1000 to R2000 per serve.Steamed Sweet Corn: Look for the dark yellow variety as this is generally sweet





whereas the white variants only function seemsto be the alleviation of constipation byingesting a mega hit of dietary fiber. Corn issteamed and served hot with a coating of “butter” which is actually margarine, egg andsugar mix – much more palatable than theingredients suggest. Bar-B-Qued white corn isalso everywhere should your constipation proveresistant to the steamed version. Where: often based on the riverside strip but also drifting.Price: R1300 per cob but slight fluctuationsaccording to seasonal availability.Grilled Beef: small portions of sliced, seasoned beef on a bamboo skewer cooked over charcoaland served with shredded sweet and sour green papaya with a dipping jus. Where: make-shiftstall near the FM building at the 2000Roundabout and promenading all around

Kampot. Price: R500 per stick.Bread: generally sold as baguettes in small,large and jumbo versions. An inexpensive andfilling way to overcome your cravings for Western food and best bought in the morningsto guarantee freshness. Where: Look for theMan With No Shirt bakery about 50 metersdown the road from Epic Arts or a further 50meters along that road and round the corner toyour left - also sold in the market. Price: R500

– R1000 – R1500 according to size.Sugarcane Juice: hand cranked or electrically powered mangles are used to extract the juicefrom stalks of sugarcane and half a lime whichis then served over crushed ice - veryrefreshing. Iced black tea (Number 1 Brand)with lime juice and sugar is also excellent.Where: both inside and outside of the market or look for the stacks of sugarcane and often brightly painted mangles around town. Price:R1000 per glass.

Coconuts: (Cocos nucifera) al fresco, nutritiousrefreshment in a portable and hygienic

container. Where: everywhere around Kampot

– look for the stack of green coconuts outsideshops and stalls. Price: R1500Roasted Peanuts: small, highly flavoured peanuts (Arachis hypogaea), roasted in theshell and often sold by Cham Muslim ladieswho circumambulate around Kampot carryinglarge aluminum basins of the legume on their heads. A larger variant is sold boiled in saltedwater in the shell. Where: Circumambulating.Price: R1000 per serve.

Cut Fruit Trolley: assorted peeled and slicedfruits behind glass on a traveling trolley.





Cainine CuisineHow would you like yours done?

Over a year of unproductive, though thoroughly boozy negotiations with shadowyintermediaries went into securing this KSGexclusive interview with the infamous Mr. S.

(with a P), who, because of persistentassassination threats of his own invention,keeps his whereabouts a closely guarded secret,even to himself.Suddenly and without warning Head Teaser,KSG Ace reporter was willingly drugged, blindfolded and kidnapped from a late nightKampot watering hole where he was enjoyingone too many Pastis’ with a lady he was beginning to suspect was in fact no lady but oneof Kampot’s infamous lady-boys, a day or two

overdue for a shave.Stripped, de-loused and hermetically sealed in a pond-making bomb casing, he was flownaimlessly around the globe for several days in aconvincingly converted B52 bomber.Disoriented, naked, indignant and suffering amassive Pastis hangover, he was finally cut freeof his unexploded ordinance suit andunceremoniously dumped at the feet of asurprisingly non-descript Mr. S. (having a P).

Despite persistent rumors that the reclusive Mr.S. (with P) is certifiably mad, his multi-quadrillion Euro bank account begs to differ.Reported to be the richest man in the world, heis the son of an alcoholic Welsh coal miner anda lump of coal he learned to call Mum.Professing a fear of dragons, the colour red andwords containing double lls to this day Mr. S(P-ing himself) chooses not to wrap himself inthe Welsh flag,.At the age of 16 he lost his humility in an

unfortunate incident with an underageclassmate named Llella. He confirms, with awistful sneer that he cleverly eluded arrest bydisguising himself as an itinerant fan dancer,and with a cunning array of stunts waltzed his

way past the local constabulary and into a

promising Paris cabaret career.With only his dim wits and a few pennies in his pocket, he set out to make his fortune, and clear his tarnished name. Many years later Mr. S(taking a P), due to his obscene wealth, is so far above the law that he breathes bottled Bokor Mountain oxygen to survive the rarifiedatmosphere of the obscenely rich. He spendshis spare time petting his pampered Siamese pussy Cleo, and drafting laws granting himglobal immunity from prosecution. He is sorich that governments borrow bailout moneyfrom him at 5 percent above market rates.He controls a global empire of shadyenterprises ranging from Chinese laundries in New York City, where no ticky no washy hascatapulted him to the pinnacle of the lucrativeslightly used clothing market, to one of hismost recent success stories, the franchise chainof Endangered Species Restaurant and PoolHall locations throughout SE Asia which are

now showing explosive growth in China whereendangered means strong yang and happyendings.“My philosophy is that if it sounds too crazy,outlandish, or just plain stupid to be true, that

Where: often based on the riverside strip butalso migratory. Price: R500 - R1000 per serve.A general note: the prices quoted are the localknown base line prices at the time of writing(September 2011) and should be taken as aguide for what you should expect to pay.

By Irvin S. KSG ACE Reporter.





there’s a 99.9% probability that there’s afortune to be made. I and my minions thendevelop a crafty business model and franchise itlike a mad dog in the noonday sun beforeanyone realizes how truly insane andunworkable an idea it really is.“The best thing about franchising is that itattracts morons who couldn’t come up with anoriginal idea on their own, and are just rich anddimwitted enough to buy into my get rich quick schemes early on. If it’s a ground floor opportunity with a track record shorter than apug’s snout, the suckers will be barking to getin, at premium prices.”He uses sophisticated computer models and atrans-sexual Gypsy fortune teller to gauge theexact moment a few cleverly planted newsstories in the business press will create critical

mass and start a stampede of rabid investors.“My printing arm, Federated Underdog CanineKennels, Yiddish Orthodox Unlimited canhardly print up the franchise agreements fastenough,” he states with characteristicunderstatement.When asked about his latest foray into themysterious world of franchising the weird andbizarre, Mr. S. (P-ing himself) barked out alaugh and continued, “So you’ve heard of DogsBollocks. It is the snack food franchiseopportunity of the century,” says theentrepreneurial brains behind the bollocks.“I have a gift,” he snickers maniacally. “I seeopportunity in the oddest places, in this casesquare behind the hind legs of randy malemutts.”With a conspiratorial sneer he explained that ina protein and snack food hungry world it was asimple matter of mathematics. Too many dogswith too many easily harvestable parts, plus an

abundant supply of coconut oil for deep frying,equals the scent of obscene profits.“I had my people prototype a fully roundedproduct line. We modified egg poachers to cook the bollocks in our secret recipe of 28 herbs andspices. We then blind taste tested the earlyproducts on blind Koreans as they already havea highly developed appreciation for caninecuisine. The first Dogs Bollocks outlets openedin the North Korean market, largely because the

Beloved Leader is easily bribed, and starvingpeople will eat anything.“There were a few bugs in the process but wewere able to work them out when we found thatby increasing the cooking temperature not only

did we vaporize the bugs, but the product came

out of the cooker faster and no longer had thatdisconcerting squishy texture.”Head Teaser’s hangover had quickly migratedfrom his aching head to his churning guts. Heswore off Pastis forever before asking Mr. S.about the current state of the business. Hehoped it contained no more references to egg poachers, cooking temperatures or textures;squishy or otherwise.“We are currently test marketing in Korea,

China and Cambodia with promising results.We lure the suckers in with sexy westernadvertising featuring scantily dressed modelslapping up Dogs Bollocks while looking, shallwe say, receptive to the Bollocks mystique.“It takes a lot of work to convince people to bite into Dogs Bollocks for the very first time.Once you’ve tasted Dogs Bollocks just once,you’re hooked, and it’s not because they’re sotasty, they’re not at all really.”He drooled on, “Our top dog in the research

labs, Dr. Rover Fetchum, tells me you can’t eat just one. It’s because one of the 28 herbs ishighly addictive. Some may say it’s not ethical, but ethics have never been one of my strongsuits. All I care is that the consumers simply





cannot gobble up enough Dogs Bollocks.“We reinvest our post commission profits tocutting edge research and product development.Our canine genetic scientists have been

working their tails off in our secret laboratoryburied deep beneath an unmapped and never de-mined pond site that even I can’t find. I paymy people to work like dogs to come up withinnovative ways to improve profitability, whichis what franchising is all about,” said Mr. S(with a side of Peas).“Our lead scientist, Dr. F.I. Doe has done someamazing work in the area of recombinant dognad antagonists or DNA. One early discoverywas that Dogs Bollocks are a rich source of

vitamin K9, allowing us to market DogsBollocks as a health food snack. Unfortunatelytoo much K9 will make you curl up, jerk your legs and whine while chasing rabbits in your dreams, before dying like a cur. My scientistsassure me that they have almost licked theproblem and will be able to deliver the pleasantside effects while cutting the death rate to anacceptable 1.85 percent.”With his luck running at under 2 percent, Head

Teaser made a note to himself never, ever to eata single Dogs Bollock, with or without thespecial BBQ sauce.“Looking to the future, we have startedcrossing Great Danes with elephants, whichwill give us a huge profit edge in the slicedbollocks on a bun market. We haven’t been assuccessful with the fish/dog cross as the dogpart keeps drowning chasing the fishy tail.Then there is the enormous cost associated withcleaning the breeding ponds. We now consider

the fillet of bollocks with tartar sauce a wash.“Thanks to some breakthroughs withChihuahua fast breeders, Bollocks McNuggetsare much more promising, with snack packs of 6, 12 and a 24 family pack already on the

market. We are also perfecting our line of fresh bollocks smoothies, including Poodle Passion,Malamute Madness and Rottweiler Rocks.“Two months ago we assisted our Cambodian

Master Franchise holder Mr. Hot Chee Lee to begin pre-launch advertising in KampotCambodia. He was a bit of a rascal and thoughthe could bypass the supply chain bydognapping stock off the streets in the dark of night.”Apparently after taking him on a soloAbduction Tour where he was shown what anAK47 can do to a cow, he immediately saw the





light and started buying all his bollocks fromcentral warehousing.“He’s now selling everything we can supply,not just through his own Dogs Bollocks FastFood Restaurant and Dailem Repair Shop, buthas taken to supplying some of the better diningestablishments in Kampot. He tells me that hewill have problems keeping up with the demandin Kep, where the local lads just can’t getenough ballocks to satisfy the gay approach tofine dining.”Head teaser was considering pouring hot waxinto his ears to stop the madness when he heardthat Mr. Chee Lee has even taken it to thestreets where cart vendors are lapping up Dogs

Bollocks by the kilo, deep frying them inslightly used coconut oil, slapping them intobaguettes and calling it meat ball yum-yum.“By George, Chee Lee has taken the businessby the balls and shown the locals that DogsBollocks are nothing to be sniffed at.”With a terrier like tenacity and their research toinduce small breeds to produce not just bigger,but more than two marketable sized bollocks atan artificially enhanced rate, Dogs Bollocks is

projected to be a multi-trillion dollar industryby the end of year one. Mr. S. (now P-less)went on to explain that all of his marketresearch tells him that within a year there willbe a chain of Dogs Bollocks Restaurants inevery country on the planet, except Francewhere lap poodle has an entirely differentmeaning.“We will even lift our bollocks into outer space.We’ve signed a promotional deal with theInternational Space station where Dogs

Bollocks will be served three times a day onlive television.”By now Head Teaser was 200% certain that Mr.S (taking the Piss out of him), was told that notonly would the astronauts get all the

nourishment the needed, but would have theadded benefit of weightless exercise usingchopsticks to chase loose Bollocks in zerogravity.”Three days later when the KSG ACE reporter woke up in a state of naked dishevelment hecouldn’t remember if his notes andrecollections were all just part a bad Pastisdream or something far more sinister.Looking up through bloodshot eyes he saw aneon sign advertising Dogs Bollocks Bonanzadays where kiddies were given a neutered poodle toy with every snack pack of DogsBollocks. After a couple of hours of retching hefiled this story, vowing never to drink Pastis

again.

By Alan HT KSG Ace Reporter.

Ask LuckyAnswering your questions

about living in KampotThinking about starting a business in Kampot? Not sure if another Bar, Restaurant, Guesthouseis really the way to go in a competitive market but racking your brain for alternatives? As a public service, Lucky gives you twelvethoroughly researched Totally AwesomeKampot Business Concepts.Dogs R UsThis one will give you something to bark about! Catch dogs at night and sell them back to their owners in the morning or auction to thehighest bidder. This is a high turnover, low

overhead business with almost unlimitedsupply and demand. With over 450,000 dogs inKampot, it would be financially viable to work on 25 cents per dog-capture-unit (DCU)generating an income of $112,000 per night or





2.7 million dollars per month gross assuming asix day working week and limited time off for injury.Anti Eco ResortAre you passionate about chaos and a big fan of apocalypse movies? This could be the businessfor you!Buy - or better still – lease a pristine rainforest block of land around Kampot.Supply your guests with canisters of AgentOrange defoliant and chainsaws and a choice of toxic chemicals and unleash them on thelandscape. Supply them with guns and grenadesto shoot things and blow shit up. Once your land looks like ground zero of a nuclear testsite, lease another one. Target the growingtourism niche market needs of psychopaths,environmental anarchists and nihilists with

money.Guilt TripsYou’ve never had it so good. This is an idealEthical Tourism business venture with a huge potential to rake in big bucks and no downsides. Conduct tour groups and provide photoopportunities - complete with a grim runningcommentary - to sites of filth, misery, wretchedsqualor, grinding poverty and ghastly atrocities.Play Leonard Cohen songs on the car soundsystem while traveling between sites. Apartfrom the money you make - and there will be plenty of it - you will have a warm inner glowknowing that your customers can now rejoicein their newfound awareness of their ownrelative affluence and good fortune.Grief Counseling Nothing screams Caring more than Counseling.This is an ideal spin-off business from GuiltTrips (above). Studies have repeatedly shownthat 98% of people who have been exposed to

Leonard Cohen songs feel mildly suicidalfollowing one song and acutely suicidalfollowing as little as three. Listening to acomplete Leonard Cohen album is clinicallyregarded as a toxic level of exposure. There aremega bucks to be made in helping thesesufferers and some of this action might as well be yours. Remember to offer a free voucher for an additional Guilt Trip once the SufferingCustomer (SC) appears completely cured.Unexploded Ordinance Disposal and LearnKhmer This business concept is a blast. A completelyuntapped, limited liability Adventure Tourism business geared to adrenaline junkies and the

linguistically curious. Tour participants will getto defuse active land mines and other UXOfollowing an intensive ten minute trainingsession conducted entirely in Khmer. Sincemost customers will die, you will not need toworry about negative feedback on Trip Advisor so it’s all win-win. This business has the added potential of attracting NGO funding.The Riel DealThis one is solid gold for anyone with a littlecapital to invest! Everyone in Kampot is nowwalking around with fake Gold Rolex’s on their wrist. It doesn’t take too much intelligence torealize that Kampot people have no choice butto buy knock-off watches because no one intown has the business acumen to set up a shopselling genuine $50,000 Gold Rolexes! Here’swhere you come in. A hundred million dollars

(two hundred million tops) will get you set upwith your first tray of watches, an umbrella, astall outside Kampot market and a nice littleearner.Get Paid To Talk Like An ExpatWe live in the Information Age and it’s time toget paid what you are worth! Expats are not born, they are created. Much like a Warrior Monk or Zen Master, the Venerable Elder





Expat (VEE) has gained their knowledgethrough years of adversity, often involvingfinancial losses, relationship breakdowns andsurviving the worst that cultural dissonancecould throw at them. The VEE’s pearls of wisdom and nuanced awareness of the culturedid not come easy and access to this kind of

information is worth money …truckloads of it.The next time a tourist asks your opinion aboutsome aspect of living in Kampot, charge theinformation freeloader for it. A suggested feeschedule is: Short Answer Fee= $10 – Long,loud, rambling, drunken, opinionated, sexist,racist, incoherent, repetitive, Shit-You-To-TearsAnswer Fee= $50.Kampot Air Repair This one will see your profits flying high.Many of the major airlines are looking to

outsource the maintenance on their jumbo jetsto developing countries as a means of cuttingcosts. Kampot has skilled metal fabricators,machinists, mechanics, roof tilers, stonemasons, concreters and brick layers. In fact allof the skills required to service and maintain a jumbo jet are right here in Kampot. It just needssomeone to integrate them and that someonemight as well be you. Imagine the look on the

CEO of Lufthansa’s face when you quote him a price for replacing the concrete pavers on the plane’s wings. $6.50 per square meter. Laid. InConcrete. Unbeatable. Throw in a free icedcoffee. No? Can discount further. No??OK…so how much you want to pay?The Real Kampot By Night

This business concept is like, a totally amazing blend of Extreme Adventure and BoozeTourism. Aimed at alcoholic tourists wanting toexperience the non-touristy Real Cambodia,you will provide pushbikes for your customersand escort them on dusk until dawn tour of the primitive Khmer grass hut drinkingestablishments that surround Kampot. Sincemost of your clients will be unused to riding a poorly maintained pushbike in the dark on dirtroads with several liters of palm wine in their

system, many will sustain severe injuriesrequiring hospitalization. Your customers willthen get to have an authentic and unforgettablyawesome experience in A Real CambodianHospital.Business WorkshopsChalk this one up to experience! Looking for that elusive business concept where existingsupply does not exceed demand for the nexthundred years? Draw down on your own

experience and offer a range of trainingsessions and workshops for the newly arrived business hopefuls.Suggested workshops include:How to hemorrhage money slowlySeven tips to minimize your profitsWhy success in not really an optionSelf medication: 250 drugs that will keep yougoingHow to be at the head of the pack in the race tothe bottom

Angry meditation: the path to embracingdespair Keeping secrets: why having too muchinformation can make your head hurtWhat to do when your partner goes crazyWhat to do when you go crazyThe probability of everyone else having gonecrazy and you are the only sane one leftWho is going to clean up the mess?Five signs you are losing the plot

Six things the bastards never told meAnother 562 things the bastards never told meSmiling Financial Assassin AssistantThis business plan is so simple you’ll wonder why someone didn’t think of it before. Most





people from developed countries arrive inKampot with a lot of money but no idea whatthey should pay for goods and services. This isvery, very sad and these people badly need a

friend…why not you? Offer to use your extensive local knowledge to get the things theyneed. Now buy these things from the seller at750% above the real market rate. The seller (ideally your cousin Reggie or other relative)will give you a big commission for bringingthem the business… and of course the bigger the markup, the bigger the commission!! Your new friend will be so grateful for your help theywill insist on paying you. Now you makemoney coming and going. Everybody

happy…how good is that?Become an Engrish Teacher As sweet as! Think you don’t have the skills tostart a business? Wrong! You speak Engrish andthere are big bucks in teaching others to speak it too. Nothing shows your impeccablecredentials for teaching Engrish than a perfectlyworded advertisement. Like this:Are you boring and scary of speaking theEngrish and doing the document?

Maybe people laugh you because Engrish nogood and make you want to stick fork in your eye or run away because shame so much?We not Mickey Mouse - although not mean notlove him two much and have T shirt. Our dedicate and experience Engrish teacher willhelp you loose the scary.Hurry up for quickly! Am limited places andhave tigers.For more information: Do not contact (Your Name) on (Your phone)

Copy and paste the above, take to print shop, print sufficient copies to put on every tree inKampot and watch the dollars roll in.


KAMPOT FAGGOTSWhat are they and do we need them?

The editor delivered my assignment in a single

sentence. With beads of recycled Klang runningdown his furrowed brow and waving a limpidarm in the direction of the river he articulatedhe wanted 1000 words on Pot Faggots, copy for the 'morrow to meet print deadline.Sheeeit, a double whammy for a junior hack with a precarious toehold on the bottom rung of a very tall ladder. The usage of the worddeadline was worrying as it doesn't feature inKhmer and certainly I had never heard

deployed in KSG offices. Might this herald aradical shift in managerial policy or perhaps wewere being bought out by a mediaconglomerate? Dismissing such thoughts as being beyond my ken I concentrated more onthe plexing issue of the Faggots. It was adilemna; a conundrum of unfathomable depths because, given no reference, my grey matter was unsuccessfully navigating three paths inthe use of English. Faggots in the vernacular refers to Gender Benders; however there alsoexists two other possibilities. The first is aFaggot which is akin to a rissole but made fromoffal; this also involves a lot of mincing. Theother Faggots are what the Brits used to spark-up Joan of Arc. In all my nocturnal wanderingsof our darkened streets armed only with torchand catapult I was witness to many curioushappenings but Faggots never.Could it be, I mused, a re-emergence of theSingapore Slings? A part of recent Pot folklore

this small band of willowy Filipino lads wereforcibly evicted from their homes andoccupations in Boogie Street leaving them notonly stigmatised but also facing a degradinglife of poverty. Desperate and needing a newstart in greener and friendlier pastures they





stole the Raffles Hotel tourist junk. Fortuitouslyone of the band had served two years of unpaidforced labour aboard a Thai factory ship wherehe was galley maid and general facscrotum. He passed many hours at the chart table where hegleaned a little about navigation. With this scantknowledge, a kindly wind and a lot of luck theyeventually were to make landfall on the Potriver estuary. They requested asylum and froma populace sympathetic to the plight of refugeesreceived a cordial welcome.It was here in Pot they quickly became famous.Allowed once again to wear their fabuloussequinned dresses, blond wigs, high heels andwhitener, for a whole dry season packed theold market to sellout crowds every weekend.Sadly success often leads to burn out and intheir case severe Potylitus ( an endemic S.E.

Asian medical condition brought about by non- payment for services rendered ). However thisstory does have a happy ending. Their localmentor, by now filthy rich, was feeling thetongs of cake dividers on his newly cleancollar; knowing this particular gravy train hadreached the end of the rails it was time for theSlingers to disappear. So in exchange for indefinite stay visas they went into voluntaryexile to Kep where, as enterprising as ever, theyreside in quiet opulence having cornered thelucrative niche stray dog market.Knowing this wasn't the solution and havingtramped the length of our beautiful cornicheseveral times without the mereist sniff of afaggot I was tired, dejected and idealess.Seeking solace with a cold beer I idly gazed atour, once, huge and exotic aromatic hardwoodtrees that before adorned the riverfront. Sadlythey are now a collection of shattered limblessstumps pointing skywards resembling more the

aftermath of a B52 strike than tree surgery.Evidence of this appalling authority condonedmassacre was everywhere with mounds of leaves, branches, mud, bark and jagged chipshalf blocking the road.It was then inspiration struck and and vaultingaboard a nearby Motodop instructed the blackhead squeezing driver to follow the debris.Completely unfazed and with no directiongiven he replied OK and 20,000. Too excited to

even haggle we made way on his decrepid protesting Daelim, doomed forever to be stuck in second gear, over the New Bridge and downthe road to Tek Chhou. Close to the Zoo Iencountered groups of men, woman and

children hacking, sawing, chopping, bundlingthe once mighty boughs that graced and shadedPot's most scenic thoroughfare; There also werethe Pot Faggots, great stacks of them, averitable Synod of Faggots.My investigative nose twitched. Such toils over this municipal manna must surely be profitdriven. To confirm my suspicions and close thestory we grinded our way back to Pot and themain traffic roundabout.There parked was my ultimate destination; asmall sandwich trolley. With a single bite and adeep sniff closure was confirmed. The smokeyaroma, the resinous consistancy and thelingering taste of melted flip-flop is not onlyunique but extraordinary. A product of capitalistic ethics combined with the ingenuityand skill of our bakers using bargain priced Pot

Faggots to fire their French built ovens hastaken an already internationally famous andacclaimed culinary delicacy to even dizzier heights. The legend of the Pot Spam Baguettecontinues to grow.

By Uncle Fran KSG Official Distorian.

Learn some useful KhmerAn introduction to the language.

Knowing a few phrases in Khmer always earnssmiles and nods of approval from locals as wellas crusty expatriates who are fluent in theCambodian language. Unlike Thai or Vietnamese, Khmer is not a tonal language andis therefore not difficult to master. As a basicguide, Khmer has 87 vowels – 43 of which are pronounced as the letter a (a=apple) and 39

pronounced as the letter e (e=egg). Theremaining 5 vowels have no equivalent soundin any of the Indo-European languages and areeither silent, useless or can be safely ignored.There are only 2 consonants, the letter p(p=pastrami) and the letter z which can be pronounced as either zed (female) or zee (male)according to the gender of the person speakingor being spoken to. Grammatical structure issimplicity itself with sentences following the

format verb-verb-verb-adverb-verb (e.g. go, go,go quickly go) - except where the past tense isindicated. In this case the structure is reversedor the consonant zed is added to the end of thesentence where the speaker is female or





transsexual or at least committed to a sexchange operation. The future tense isuniversally indicated by the inclusion (andtherefore the absence) of a silent vowel at the

beginning of the sentence. Correctpronunciation of the 82 audible a and e vowelsounds can present a challenge as while thereare no tonal inflections, subtle changes inmeaning are conveyed by the volume withwhich the letter is said, the age and status of theperson speaking, the ambient temperature andthe proximity to a Buddhist festival.. Generally,the safest practice for a novice is to say all aand e sounds as loudly as possible, bow or genuflect repeatedly while speaking and trustthat meaning is construed contextually. We atthe KSG have put together some of the morecommonly used English phrases with aLatinized phonetic Khmer (and therefore morevowels and consonants) translation to help getyou started.

Khmer: Nis thlay Australie cab plonk Heathcliffe awt tay nu-anceEnglish: This Australian Cabernet-Sauvignon

wine is dark and brooding but lacks subtlety.

Khmer: Anglais yeay gullible yeay K’maisame-sameEnglish: The English word “gullible” is theonly word spelled and pronounced the same inthe Khmer language.

Khmer: Khnum DaewooTico cheeh awt tayLiberace bling blingEnglish: My Daewoo Tico lacks performance,style and street creditability.

Khmer: Khnum jang baan Hummer tom prahok sa art arnie term in ator

English: I want a Hum Vee vehicle so I can be a big cheese like the lovely ArnoldSchwarzenegger

Khmer: Nis thlay trad k’mai nuptial MilliVanilli tom-tom bose ear Ow! Ow! Angkor English: This is a traditional Khmer weddingusing fake 200,000W Bose speakers that have been in my family since Angkorian times

Khmer: Nis thlay trad krama ot sa’art same-same Ernest Borgnine. Puoomann Christiand’Or?English: This is bad krama. Wearing it makesme look like the actor Ernest Borgnine. Howmuch for one made by Christian d’Or?

Khmer: Srey? Lady Gaga katoey massa anxietykhnum c dos runEnglish: The artist Lady Gaga is of questionable gender and I must respectfullydecline a massage from him/her

Khmer: Loi klie same-same Imelda Marcos.Loi tic-tic khnum WMD pa’sar Imelda Marcos

humpy.English: These shoes are too expensive. Giveme a discount or I will unleash Weapons of Mass Destruction on your shoe stall.


Found something not listed, tell us here.





Projects & Voluntary Work...There are many ways you can spend your timedoing good in Kampot, listed below are a few NGO's and projects that could do with your help, either by donating or volunteering.

Epic Arts Café. The place to be if you have asweet tooth or have a liking for good coffee,run by and for the disabled, it helps! So getdown there. They also have a new performancecentre and workshops near the friendshipmonument, (the one with the guns) check thecafe for further details.Kampot Traditional Music School. Pop inand check them out, Khmer music and dance isnot all karaoke based and some is really good,so is the dance so check them up and book

yourself a performance.Sisters II / Heritage Orphanage. Cafe fareand internet in one building, breakfasts, cakesand sandwiches to feast on whilst doing your email. The cafe funds a small orphanage near to the Olympic stadium, so drop by and helpsupport the kids.Kep Gardens Association is a non-profit,independent project established by Australiansto provide education and training in English,hospitality, mechanical and civil engineering,computing and farming skills as well assponsor ongoing higher education through our Educational Scholarship Fund for the Khmer people of Kep. Australians and Cambodiansworking together.Prek Thnout Community. Save Cambodia'sWildlife started this project back in 2007, it isnow running nicely and offers villagehomestay visits and day trips. Also trekking tolocal falls, rattan furniture production and boat

trips to see dolphins. It's 30km towards Snook but it's best to check with SCW first on 088902 2099.Chumkriel Language School (CLS) is aCambodian operation striving to provideaccessible education and assistance to the localcommunity. CLS requests a minimum placement of one week and requires allvolunteers to be aged 18 years and [email protected]

If you know of any other NGO's or projectsthat deserve a mention, please do let us know,we really want to expand this section.

Things you didn't know about Kampot.

1. Kampot led the Cambodian space raceduring the 1950's and 60's as Bokor Hill wasused for test launchings of their experimental“Woo-ung Gao Soo Gom-lung” rockets.2. Kampot changed its name shortly after Kep

was named, it was re-named specifically toavoid any confusion with Kep, the name isderived from two words “Kamp” and “Not”.3. Bokor Hill used to be a proper mountainwith a pointy top, but the French stole it.4. In 1967 Kampot FC toured Europe on anextensive and unbeaten tour.5. Kampot was originally built around asystem of canals akin to Venice, sadly due toneglect these waterways have silted and dried,only to be seen during exceptionally heavyrains.6. Bokor Hill is still an active volcano,difficult to see during the wet season but allthrought the dry times you will see smokerising from all round the hill.7. Kampot City is larger than the City of London, in both size and population.





Transport...We at the KSG apologise for our lack of detailed travel info, there is a reason for this,it's because this is a guide for Kampot, it's purpose is to give you ideas to stay, so we're buggered if we're going to help you get away!

Tuk Tuk. The first choice of transport thesedays, most of Kampot and the surrounding areacan be accessed by Tuk Tuk in all weathers, popular trips are down to Kep, mangroves, pepper plantation and caves, or up to the rapids,zoo and beach.Moto. These guys can make your stay good,using their translation skills you will exploremore. Find them all around town but the bestspeaking ones hang between the traffic circle

and the bus stop.Moto Rental. Either your guesthouse can sortit out or you can pop on down to the shops and pick your own, make sure you are happy with itand check it has lights if you plan to ride atnight. Wherever you go be careful, especiallyof the cows.Bicycle Rental. Some guesthouses offer rentalof bikes, mainly basic bone shakers so don't gettoo excited, although some tour companieshave mountain bike rental too, so use the shitty

bike to find a nice one.Bus/Taxi. The easiest way to sort this isthrough your guesthouse, they earn a smallamount of commission for this that covers their telephone costs etc, if you are a really tight gityou could go down the bus stop and haggle.Night Busses. We do not reccommend them,you won't get the sleep you think you will andtherefore will miss a day you could haveenjoyed, they are also quite dangerous.

Some Useful Numbers...

ABC. 0972560585Bar Red GH. 077997096Bart the Boatman. 092174280Blissful GH. 092494331Bluestar Real Estate. 012611317Bodhi Villa GH. 012728884

Bokor Mt Lodge. 033932314Borey Bokor I GH. 092978168Bungalow Kampot River. 011523627Cafe Expresso. 092388736Cozy Elephant GH. 092610284Diamond Hotel 0336300800Epic Arts Cafe. 092922069Farm Link. 0333902354Ganesha GH. 092724612Green House. 016204134Hour Kheang GH. 0889979989Kampot GH. 012512931

Kampot Pie & Ice Cream Palace. 099657826Kampot River View GH. 012821570Kampot Survival Guide. 092724720Kep Gardens Ass. 015653317Kepler's Books. 012306410Lee & Pop's. 016592735Le Soleil d'Or. 086295894Le Niam Bay. 067569943Little Garden Bar GH. 012427572Long Villa GH. 092251418Magic Sponge. 017946428Mea Culpa GH. 012504769Olly's Place. 092605837Orchid GH. 092226996Paris GH. 033932330Pepper GH. 017822626Pizza 36. 0972204169Rikitikitavi GH. 012235102Salt + Pepper. 099219004Say Sabok. 012927897Ta. Eng GH. 012330058Tiny Kampot Pillows. 099719421Tuk tuk, Chak kan. 012456935

Utopia GH. 0977560164Villa Vidici GH. 089290714





ABC. French run new bar in the place of the old Honey bar. Aiming for the musically minded with events and jam nights every Saturday, offering unique cocktails,French style snacks till 9pm and standard bar wares,closed Wednesday.Bamboo Light Cafe. Khmer run Sri-Lankan bar restaurant on the front, full menu and bar, nice

surroundings and great sunset views.Bar-Red. Under new management, English run latenight bar restaurant and guest rooms just off the front.Cambodia draught beer at all day happy hour prices + allusual bar wares, free WIFI. Rooms have fan, TV, en-suite, English and Khmer spoken.Blissful Guest House. French/Brit run bar restaurant andguest house in the heart of town, nice gardens and chillareas, draught beer and wide selection of food, somecooked in a wood fired oven. Rooms $5 – 10, dorm $2,fan, en suite, garden, WIFI, English and Khmer spoken.Bodhi Villa. Aus run bar restaurant and guest house onthe west bank, riverside seating, pontoon, pool table,

chill out atmosphere with late night opening. Rooms, bungalows and floating rooms $4 – 8, fan, river view,water sports, English and Khmer spoken.Bokor Mountain Lodge. Kiwi run bar restaurant andhotel on the front, classical colonial architecture with alarge river frontage, great sunset views, internationalmenu and well stocked bar. Rooms $35 - 45, AC, HW,fan, TV, en suite, river view, WIFI, English & Khmer spoken.Bungalow Kampot River. New Khmer run bar restaurant and guest house on the west bank of the river,riverside bungalows $6, fan, river view, WIFI, English

and Khmer spoken.Cafe Expresso. New Australian style breakfast cafe.Specialty coffee, roasted on site, ground fresh, bakedgoods, home made condiments, good vegetarian options& daily lunch specials. Just around the corner from epicarts cafe. open 8am till late afternoon free wifi.Cozy Elephant Guest House. French/Khmer run guesthouse near the taxi stand. Rooms $4 - 12, dorm $2.50,AC, HW, fan, en suite, WIFI, free bicycle rental,English, French and Khmer spoken.Diamond Hotel. Bar, Restaurant and hotel just off thenew bridge road, rooms $20-40, TV, AC, HW, en suite,English and Khmer spoken.

Epic Arts Cafe. Open from 7am till 6pm offering breakfasts, lunches, coffee and cakes. Run by and for people with disabilities, they also have a performancearts centre, pop in to learn more.Frangipani. New Aus run bar and restaurant on thefront, draught beer and a pool table with a full Westernand Khmer menu, free WIFI.Ganesha Riverside Eco Resort. German/Khmer run

bar, restaurant and accommodation on a lost loop of theriver, boat trips and activities on site. Rooms $6 - 45,English, German and Khmer spoken.Green House. New Donkey/Brit run bar, restaurant and

guest house up the river. Riverside bungalows with greatviews of sun rise/set. Bungalows $10-20, fan etc,hammocks $3, English, Khmer and French spoken.Hour Kheang Guest House. New Khmer run bar,restaurant and guest house opposite the old market.Rooms $7 - 20, AC, HW, Fan, TV, WIFI, en suite,English, Chinese and Khmer spoken.

Jam Tic. Set on the slopes of Phnom Ker wirh stunningviews of Kep and Bokor, rooms $3, AC, HW, Spa, ensuite, swimming pool, free moto & boat rental, bar &restaurant, English, French, Greek and Khmer spoken

but not understood.Kampocchino. Brit run coffee lounge and bar. Coffeesnacks and general bar fodder in a comfortable setting,

draught Cambodia beer, sports on tv, English and Khmer spoken.Kampot Guest House. Rooms $5 – 20, AC, HW, TV,fan, en suite, garden, bike rental, bar & restaurant, WIFI,English and Khmer spoken.Kampot Pie and Ice Cream Palace GH. NewCanadian/Khmer run restaurant and guest house just off the northern front. Offering all manner of sweet thingsand some hearty snacks. Rooms $6 - $25, AC, HW, TV,en suite, WIFI, English and Khmer spoken.Le Soleil d'Or. New French run bar, restaurant andguest house just off the front. Stylish decor with wellappointed rooms, AC, HW, en-suite, TV, fan, rooms

$35-55 inc breakfast, French and English spoken.Le Niam Bay. New French run bar and restaurant justoff the front. French and Khmer food in a stylish setting,English, French and Khmer spoken.Long Villa Guest House. Rooms $6 – 13, AC, HW, TV,fan, en suite, bar & restaurant with varied menu, WIFI,English and Khmer spoken.Little Garden Bar. Rooms $10 – 20, AC, HW, TV, fan,en suite, garden, bar & restaurant, WIFI, English andKhmer spoken.Madi's House. Khmer run bar restaurant on the front,

pool table, cocktails and a full menu with excellent

sunset views. hosting live music events with lateopening.

Bars, Restaurants and Rooms.

Whats gone or moved.Akashi Cafe - GoneAlaska Super Club - GoneBlank Canvas - Became Olly's placeBlue Dragon - Became Rusty KeyholeBlue Mountain - Became Rheaj's Burger Bonkors - Became Blue Ray and thats GoneBokor M't Club - Became Marco PoloBokor View Hotel - Gone

Coco House - Became Rusty Keyhole 2Comfortably Numb - Became Bar-RedGreen man - Closed at presentHoney Bar - Became ABCIke Bar - GoneJasmine - Became FrangipaniIndochine - Closed at presentKampot Interact - Became K'Pot SouvenirsKiri Guesthouse - GoneLucci Food - GoneMarco Polo - became Bokor M't LodgeMearly Chender - Gone

Moon's Guesthouse - GonePiggies - Moved out of town and then back inRheaj's Burger - Became Wunderbar Southern Cross Motel - GoneSundowner Tavern - Became Salt + Pepper Whats Hot in Kampot - Gone





Magic Sponge. English/Khmer run bar, guest house withminigolf course and beer garden. DVD lounge, Pooltable, Table football, Board Games. Rooms $8 - $20,dorm $4, AC, WiFi, HW ensuite, fan, bike rental,English and Khmer spoken.Mea Culpa. Irish run bar restaurant and guest house

behind the Governors residence, wood fired pizza oven

and nice bar in a large secluded garden. Rooms $20 - 25,AC, HW, TV, DVD, WIFI, en suite, garden, bar &restaurant, parking, English and Khmer spoken.Natural Restaurant and Guest House. Khmer run bar restaurant and guest house on the river just north of thenew bridge. Over the river eating and Khmer style stiltedchalets. Rooms $15+, AC, HW, TV,Olly's Place. Belgian Bar, Restaurant and guesthouse onthe river, rooms and bungalows $8-10, fan, nets etc.Wind surfing and lessons, paddle boards for rent.English, Dutch, French, Thai and Portuguese spokenOrchid Guest House. Rooms and bungalows $5 – 15,AC, HW, TV, fan, en suite, garden, bike rental, tours,

boat trips, bar & restaurant, English & Khmer spoken.Paris Guest House. Khmer run guest house one road

back from the front. Rooms $5 – 15, AC, HW, TV, fan,en suite, English and Khmer spoken.Pepper Guest House. Rooms $5 - 15, AC, HW, TV, fan,en-suite, soon to have a bar and restaurant, garden,

parking, English, French and Khmer spoken.Pizza 36. New Brit/Khmer run bar and restaurant just off the front. Fresh US style pizza and pasta delivered free.Rikitikitavi. British/Dutch run rooftop bar restaurantand guesthouse on the front, high end eating and a goodselection cocktails and malt's. Rooms $30 – 35 inc

breakfast, AC, HW, TV, DVD, en suite, bar & restaurant,English, Dutch and Khmer spoken.Rusty Keyhole. Brit/Khmer run bar restaurant on thefront, sports tv, BBQ western and Khmer food, Englishand Khmer spoken.Salt + Pepper. German run bakery and cake shopoffering breakfasts, lunch and more with plenty of sweetgoods and breads to choose from, in the place of the oldSundowner tavern.Say Sa Bok. French/Khmer run bar restaurant on thefront, early happy hours, full Khmer and western menuand great Khmer coffee.Sisters II. Cafe fare and internet in one building,

breakfasts, cakes and sandwiches. The cafe funds a smallorphanage near to the Olympic stadium, so drop by andhelp support the Heritage Orphanage kids.Srey Mom's Cafe. Khmer run cafe opposite the 2000monument. Khmer, Chinese and western food at local

prices, great iced coffees, draught Cambodia beer andseasonal specials. Soon to have Srey Mom's famous pies,

burgers and pizza too.Star Inn. New bar restaurant on the river offeringseafood, Karaoke and hostess service.Tiny Kampot Pillows Shop. Hand made pillows,cushions, pillowcases and covers as individual gifts or in

commercial quantities. Wide range of fabrics to choosefrom. Small orders usually completed within 24 hours.Also selling krama items, photos, postcards etc all madein Kampot. Shop at the 2000 Roundabout.Ta Eng Guest House. Rooms $4 – 8, fan, TV, en suite,

bike rental, garden, restaurant, English, French and

Khmer spoken.Utopia. German/Khmer run bar restaurant and guesthouse up the river, just before Tek Chheu and the Zoo(8km ish), stunning views along river in a total get awayfrom it all setting, great spot to stop on a river cruise or

just an amazing getaway place. Rooms & Bungalows $6 – 25, fan, en suite, river view, swimming, English and

Khmer spoken.Villa Vedici. Dutch run bar, restaurant and guest house2km up the river. Bungalows $25, fan, TV, DVD, fridge,WIFI, swimming pool, boat trips, water sports, kitesurfing, river view, en suite, garden, Dutch, English andKhmer spoken.

NOTE. Listings were correct once, they are notcontractually binding so do not rely on them. Facilitieslisted do not apply to all rooms, i.e. you won't find anAC room for $4. All places should be able to book tickets and tours and offer travel advice.

Kampot Survival GuideCreation...This guide was written by real Kampot residents, people who live in and love Kampot. It was createdusing Linux Mint Debian, ScribusNG, Openoffice,Inkscape and The Gimp. All these applications areOpen Source and are freely available on the internet.The Team...Steve J - Director, layout, basic guide, maps n sales.Irvin S - Director, wordsmith, food guide, agony aunt.Alan HT - Under-cover Ace Reporter, non factualconsultant and present Pot-pat at last.Fran - Financial Probability Consultant, OfficialDistorian and Ace Reporter.Obtaining Copies... New Issues are released every three months, copiesare delivered to most businesses in Kampot, they arealso sent to PP, BB, Snook and Kep.All of the past issues are available for download onour blog site in pdf, epub, and mobi formats.

http://kampotsurvivalguide.blogspot.com

Advertising...Contact Steve on 092724720 or the email address

below. The next issue due is in May and the deadline20th April. Advert sizes are, banner 138mm wide by48mm high, quarter 69mm wide by 97mm high,artwork should be submitted in either .jpg .eps .png.pdf or .tiff and be of the highest possible quality.Sorry we cannot accept .doc or .docx files, ever!!!Thanks to...Many thanks go out to the sponsors and submitterswho make this rag possible, not forgeting my manyeditors who make it possible for me to be understood.Contact us...Submissions, corrections, classifieds, advertisingrequests and threats should be directed to the publisher, if you can find him or emailed to...

[email protected] you could be gay about it and post on the LonelyPlanet forums (thorntree), like oldted did.

Bars, Restaurants and Rooms.



This is not a map, it's not even close to being a map, but it should get you there.

Kampot Survival Guide Issue 22

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Transcript of Kampot Survival Guide Issue 22